


All Fun and Games until...

by isabella99



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Medical, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Are they gonna beat each other up or kiss?, Ben Solo Has a Dirty Mouth, Ben Solo is Not Nice, Ben Solo is a Mess, Ben Solo is a genius, Ben Solo is nice to everyone except to OC, Cunnilingus, Didn't Know They Were Dating, Dirty Talk, Doctor Ben Solo, Doctor Kylo Ren, Dominant Ben Solo, Dominant Kylo Ren, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Romance, Eventual Sex, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff, Friends With Benefits To Lovers, Fuckbuddies, Heavy Angst, Idiots Who Don't Know How To Have Emotions, Idiots in Love, Interns & Internships, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, M/M, OC has crippling commitment issues, OC hates nepotism, Penis In Vagina Sex, Pining, Power Dynamics, Redeemed Ben Solo, Resolved Sexual Tension, Rich Ben Solo, Rich Kylo Ren, Sexual Tension, Size Difference, Size Kink, Slow Burn, Sneaky Sex, Snob Ben Solo, Top Ben Solo, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, a lot of fighting, will they wont they
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:35:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 45
Words: 189,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24746194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isabella99/pseuds/isabella99
Summary: The doors of Alderaan Grace Hospital opened its doors once again to offer their state-of-the art residency program for the aspiring surgeons fresh out of medical schools. Only the best of the best post-graduates interns have the chance to be in the iconic medical institution, earning them a much more advanced and sophisticated education and training. Diana Montgomery is one of the interns who took the spot.But like the rest of her education, she will not spend the rest of her program in a breeze. It seems like the universe is taunting her when she found out that the son of the renowned surgeon has the same resident surgeon as her.For some reason, Diana has a deep apprehension to the people who has families in their chosen field of profession. Their life has been handed to them in a silver platter. And Benjamin Organa Solo, M.D. is the living embodiment of that loathing. He hates her for always having something to say, she loathes him for being on a pedestal. Hogging scrub ins and good patients.A Ben Solo x OC Modern Medical AU(Smut begins on chapter 15 and there's going to be one every after chapter after that)
Relationships: Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s), Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Reader, Finn/Poe Dameron, Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s), Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You, Stormpilot - Relationship, rose tico/armitage hux
Comments: 178
Kudos: 237





	1. The Game Begins

**Author's Note:**

> Pls forgive me if you see a lot of typos. The idea just happened one time after binging Grey's Anatomy. I just noticed that there are few of those kind of AU written for our good boy Ben Solo/Kylo Ren
> 
> it's a very slow burn but when they did it,,,

**Chapter One: The Game Begins**

Metallic cranking of lockers closing and opening and crinkling of brand new light blue scrubs filled the resident's longue as the nervous batch of new interns was huddled in each every corner listening intently to the residents barking out last names.

The intense, aggressive competitiveness hung thickly in the air. It has been like that since the mixer. Everyone wants to climb up ladder fast, faster than anybody else. Med school taught them to be that way. That even became their stereotype, bunch of people who holds a knife that have a superiority complex. And after the horrifying yet motivating welcome speech Chief Calrissian told them earlier ago, everyone was felt that a syringe of morphine was injected to them. Cathartic.

In the benches, Diana Montgomery fixed her watch. Raven black hair that complimented her skin already neatly tied at the back of her head. Upon her observation, they are 20 interns and 12 are women. And for some reason, that felt pretty good. Women making a statement and position in the competitive field of medicine.

She didn't want to look sluggish, she's the only one relaxing in the benches as every single one of them is on their feet. So Diana picked herself up and stood in the corner, listening to her fellow co-interns exchanging names, asking their assigned residents. In her mind, she is scoffing with all her might. They didn't even sound sincere, they just wanted to know the names of the people that they will spend almost a hundred per cent of their time with. Trying to remember the names of who will crack in the pressure and who will make it out alive.

The residents are standing outside the door of the room as names keep rolling. Frighteningly impatient, very on brand. On the side of her eyes, she saw someone approaching her. "Diana right?" A voice of a man asked her a question. It didn't sound condescending to her, he is really asking her if she got her name right.

Her ponytail slightly moved as Diana turned her head to catch the eyes of the man. "Yes, that's me. Hi."

His head bobbed, satisfied that he got the name right. "Dameron. Poe Dameron. Do you know which resident your assigned to?" Poe Dameron, as same as Diana, is wearing a blue scrubs. He has a stylish curly hair, stubble already forming on the entirety on his lower face.

"I got Kanata. You?" She answered, stretching her black long sleeve under her scrubs. Poe isn't wearing one.

"Really? I got Kanata too!" Diana was ready to take him as those overly-competitive co-intern that gets all-glary and jealous when one of them got a surgery. But that assumption went in the drain when he smiled. A genuine smile when he learned that they have the same resident.

Diana wasn't too cautious anymore. But still attentive. She was just glad that out of 4 co-interns she will be joining with, one of the is not an asshole. But there's got to be atleast ONE in the cluster right?

"Netal. Kenobi. Erso. Windu. Ackbar." A voice boombed, making the both of the look at the door. Kanata, their assigned resident, is still not showing up.

"You got Kanata? So did I. I'm Rose. Rose Tico." A gentle voice joined their conversation. A woman. Her bangs perfectly framed her tiny head. Her eyes flickered with amicability, Diana couldn't help but to smile.

She remembered both of them in the mixer. Their actions on the whole night were severely different from one another. Poe tried to meet people as much as possible, he shook many hands that night. The names must've mixed in his mind so he have to confirm that she was in fact, Diana. Rose on the other hand, stayed in one spot. Or so Diana thought. But she knew she didn't go around like Poe did.

Diana parted her lips, preparing herself to welcome Rose in their little, informal meet-up when,

"Tico! Dameron! Montgomery! Hux! Organa-Solo!"

They have a co-intern who's an Organa-Solo? A pure-blood. That's like being around a royalty and a celebrity. Because they are legitimately a royalty in surgery. Like every interesting families, the Skywalker-Organa is a very intriguing one. Their whole family branch was renowned surgeons- neuro, general, cardiothoracic, the heavy ones. Then years ago, THE Leia Organa married Han Solo. Diana was convinced that their child has the STEADIEST hands ever.

She had to stop herself from rolling her eyes. Really? The person really has to put both of the names in the list. One of those names could give them a years worth of leverage. They really had to put two.

The three bolted, they knew that Kanata don't give a shit if they can't keep up. But they MUST. "We're joined by royalty?" Poe whispered to the three of them. His words are soft and muted, they won't be sure that the subject of their little chat is somewhere near them.

"I know," Rose said, they're jogging now. "I hope that's not an added pressure for the rest of us."

One can only hope. That's a Solo they're talking about. They were just happy that their resident mentioned their name first before them or else the rest will just be a background noise.

Maz Kanata's pearl white gown flapped on her back as they moved out in the sea of people. She didn't even bother to stop and take a look to face her 5 new interns. She is significantly smaller than the three and the two other ones behind them. Diana didn't even see them yet. But the presence Dr. Kanata exudes is terrifying.

"Rules. Don't bother sucking up because I already hate you. That's not going to change. You're interns. Grunts, nobodies, bottom of the food chain. You answer every call at a run. RUN."

They tried to keep up as the commanding doctor took a sharp turn. Kanata can roam around these halls with her eyes closed. She hand raised to show them a door. "On-call rooms. Sleep when you can. And where you can. You only have a 80 hour-shift in a week. The 5 of you have it easier so you don't get to complain."

She moved on, still moving at a darting speed. Her pager beeped, Kanata couldn't have a moment of silence. Orders started flowing in her mouth. "Dameron, you're on labs about this one. Hux and Tico, patient work ups. There's a lot." Kanata turned her body around Diana, "Montgomery and Solo, you're coming with me."

The cluster dispersed. Mallory thought that the royalty was a woman. He's a he. A very tall he. Kanata became smaller than before as they follow her, maintaining their toe near her heel. She can see his figure in her peripheral vision. While the two ladies jogged, he just,,, walked. Taking unusually long strides.

They reached the outside of the hospital, the back of the EMT open as they take the gurney out. A teenager having a violent seizure. This is it, Diana thought. No more textbooks, this is happening real time.

"What we've got?" Kanata asked, gathering info and background to the patient.

"Lisa Johnson, 17 female with new onset seizures. The small town doctor said it was Intermittent for the past week. IV lost an en route." The paramedic fed the three information as the rolled her inside. "Started grand mal seizuring as we pull over.

Just as they transfer her to the hospital bedroom, Lisa started shaking again. Diana, felt bad and alarmed as she saw it happening. She really need to calm down, not 24 hours has passed and she's started to lose her nerves.

"Get her on her side," Kanata ordered to both of them. But on Solo's size and strength, he did 90% of it. "Ben, 10 mg diapazam, IM."

Diana looked at her as he followed the doctor's command. That's the first time she got a good look on her co-intern. His eyes were stern- focus, calm and intent. A blueprint of a doctor when chaos happens around. His raven hair, Diana envies it, is long, hiding both of his ears as his strands created many waves that was headed on the back of his head. His red, plump lips were in a line, focused as he preps the syringe. His nose is like one of those coins that she sees, a Roman emperor in a side profile.

Diana lay out the tools and start the IV. Ben Solo is fast, not letting the blood hemotyze as he pressed the needle to sedate the patient. The seizures stopped.

"Dameron is already working on the labs. You two, get Lisa on a CT. She's your responsibility now. Work together, this is your first patient."

———

"Let me push her." A deep, midnight voice coldly told Diana as she holds the gurney tight. His hand put in a fist at the handle of the gurney next to her hand as he attempted to manouver it. Lisa is awake, disoriented and confused at first. Ben Solo is the type of person who doesn't like the unprofessional small talks between the doctors and the patients, so Diana was the one who did the explaining.

The man can't even take it that he's not the one carrying the gurney. His fist was massively bigger than hers. "I can manage. Thank you." She said, turning it to the left. But before the gurney move, Ben kept it moving forward.

"You're going the wrong way." He was annoyed. Pushing it a little further, gaining control. If she could just let him do it they won't be wasting time. "CT is straight ahead."

"The sign says CT goes that way." Already turning the front around. Diana stated the obvious. Is he really trying to make her look dumb?

"Look I know this place alright?" Now, with both of his hands , Ben pushed it straight forward again. "There's a much shorter way straight ahead. They just put up that sign for the flow of this floor, they said it's much more convenient to the patients. But we still have more work to do."

10 minutes in and this man is really flexing his inside knowledge in this hospital. But she already knew that, Ben Solo practically lived in Alderaan Grace Hospital because her motherused to run this place around. He was always in the place every time when he was a kid. He didn't bother anyone so they let him. Every one knew that he's going to be there years after, in a scrub. Prepping for surgery.

'Course you do. Diana bit her tongue. She will not waste her time arguing with this entitled, trust-fund baby. She let go, if he's so adamant in pushing the gurney then so be it. Ben got easily worked up, like talking to someone like Diana annoys the living hell out of him. Ben doesn't want anyone go in his way.

He rolled it a little faster Diana could managed. She walked to the side, ignoring his presence. "Lisa, how are you feeling?" She gently asked. The kid just witnessed their back and forth bickering. Poor kid, she just had a seizure and the first thing she wakes up to is two doctors arguing over the way to the CT. That's not good.

Diana felt that the teenager is scared, overthinking about the things that must be wrong with her. "I'm feeling okay, I guess. But sad that I'm losing my quiz bee."

"I'm sorry about that. You can try again next time." Diana draped her hand on the thin, plastic mattress as Ben manouvered it from behind.

"I got in on the top 5. I always do. I took a bad fall during the training 3 days ago, twisted my ankle as I go down the stairs. Pretty sure my competitors sabotaged me." Lisa tried to keep up the conversation flowing, trying to ease her nerves. Most of the time. hospital gives people anxiousness- the smell, the bright white lights, the unending-oddly similar halls. But Diana pictured herself walking in those white-walls white a stethoscope around her neck for so long, and here she is now.

Diana chuckled, people can do extremely mean things sometimes for their benefit. "Let's just hope that it's not."

Finally the rolling of the wheels stopped, they are there. Lisa, looked up at Diana one more time. Fear is evident in her face, the kid is the having the time of her life during her quiz bee. Now she's in a hospital gown, getting ready to be put up in a huge, intimidating cylindrical machine. Ben pushed through, the doors opening. The CT technician already prepped the machine.

Her parents are still not around yet, they contacted them an hour ago. Said that they are going to be in the hospital right away. Lisa needed someone to tell that she's going to be okay and in the last minute, Diana thought that her words would suffice.

"Hey, don't worry. It's looks scary but it's just going to take a look in your head. Just for a while. Do you want music while you're in there?"

"No. Are you guys going to leave me here?" She made a wrong choice to look at Ben, his face in a light scowl. He was not loving the talk right now.

"No," Diana said, getting her attention. They could leave her for while. The scan would take 30-60 minutes tops. But because Lisa is her first patient, Diana didn't find any good reason to leave her unless someone paged her. "We'll be there the whole time. I can talk to you if you want me to."

It worked. She is still anxious but Lisa didn't feel so alone now. "Okay."

The tech finished prepping her and Ben is already on the other room. "Okay. Just talk if you want okay? We can hear you from there."

Lisa nodded.

Diana maintained a safe distance beside Ben who is standing behind the room, giving the technician the space to conduct the scan.

Ever so lowly, trying to mask his annoyance, Ben said to her. "If you want to stay here don't include me. There are more interesting things happening outside this room. You should've said "I'll be here", not "We're be here"."

"This is your first patient. That's not interesting enough for you?" She was supposed to say that is THEIR first patient. But since Ben isolated himself to her, Diana thought that it's not a good idea. She lifted her arms and crossed it to her chest, she didn't want her arms near that man. A defensive action. She didn't even bother looking at him as she speak.

"For people like ME, surgeries are the only one that stir my interest. The kid just took a pretty bad fall, pretty sure that's it." The sound of his quiet voice reached the ground. It hummed in the corners of the room.

Diana didn't stop herself from scoffing this time. "I find it funny that for people like you, you easily diagnosed it as something far from serious without seeing the lab reports and neuro exams yet." She strongly retorted. Ben Organa-Solo, a untouchable, got smack-talked by a nobody.

Ben turned his head to the side, pair of offended eyes bore through her. It's much better to not look at him after throwing those words, but she did. She mirrored his actions, she really DID hit a nerve with that one.

He rolled his shoulders, showing his true height. Reminding her who is she talking to. The top of her head only reached his broad shoulders. He asserted his superiority. "Okay, we're going there now, aren't we? Fine. Then don't tell the patient that she shouldn't worry, don't remove that to her thoughts. If you're so "compassionate" then you should've been a shrink." Ben didn't wait for her response, he wanted to have the last word in this argument. He sharply walked past her to exit the room. Diana froze, she thought that Ben would slam his shoulder to her, that would've sent her flying.

The heavy, metallic door closed. The busy noise from outside entered the small room for a little while. Then silence took over. An awkward, heavy silence. There's no way the CT technician didn't hear any of it. He just minded his own business and pretended he didn't hear the two news interns arguing.

Diana coughed, trying to lift up the air. "Can she hear us?"

The technician shook his head. "Her mic was connected with us, but ours is still not hooked up yet." He read her question between the lines and it really when like this inside their minds: "Did Lisa hear us exposing each others' incompetence?" "No, I made the decision to save the kid from hearing it."

She let out a sigh of relief, "Okay. Thank you."


	2. Mother's Son

**Chapter Two: Mother's Son**

After the scan concluded, Diana took Lisa back to her room. She didn't ask where the other one go, maybe Lisa was relieved that his impending presence is nit with them anymore.

The pager was sitting on her side silently as she took the lift to the canteen. She was feeling ravenous. Diana need to eat fast, store energy to her body. With a sandwich and a salad on her tray, Diana made her way outside the canteen. She didn't see Poe or Rose inside, she have to check if they are still on their lunch. They still are, she saw Poe and Rose in the middle of devouring their fast lunch. The side of Poe's mouth are bunched up, biting off food more than he can chew.

"Hey guys." Diana tirelessly huffed, rising her legs over the circular bench to sit. "I'm so hungry."

"Eat. The shift is a marathon not a sprint." Poe's words are muffled as he munched.

Rose, already finished with her food, sensed that Diana had an eventful CT scanning journey. "The patient gave you a hard time?"

Diana crumpled the paper that covers the sandwich. It smells so good. "The patient is good. It's the co-intern that gave me a hard time." Diana took her first and second bite with a small time interval.

"Ben Solo? He looks really intimidating. He's like the tallest out of all of us. He really doesn't have to make his presence known. The whole hospital can see him 10 feet away."

The sound of empty drink with ice crunching are heard as Poe slurped the remaining juice in his straw. Diana pushed her own cup near him, he can have hers. She doesn't mind. "I kinda predicted that he has that stereotypical asshole personality. I think that's essential. I know I would act differently if my mother pioneered the Organa Method."

"Right?" Rose supported their friend's statement. "The woman is a living legend. She won the Harper Avery award thrice, what a freaking genius."

"That's what you get when you practically invented the resistance retractor." Diana gulped. "But still, I didn't expect that her son is going to be that much of a jerk. I saw her once talk in a conference and got the chance to talk to her of a second, she was very funny."

"Yeah I got to meet her once too. Very quick and witty with her words. She's a breath of fresh air, she doesn't look so uptight like the rest of the surgeons with that kind of power." Poe was finally done with his meal.

Ben Solo earned the title of being that ONE douchey asshole in the cluster. "He's a pain in the ass. Anyways," Diana stirred the topic of their conversation. "How does your agenda went?" She asked the two.

"The patient work ups went very well. There's going to be a surgery bypass tomorrow with Dr. Holdo. I drew the blood of the patient, it's fun."

"How is,,, Hux?" Diana inquired, maybe she's not the only one of has a not-so-great introductory experience with a fellow intern. But she doubt it, Rose's face is far from being pissed.

"His name is Armitage. Armie. He's very nice. I was very cautious to him at first. Looks intimidating. But he equally shared the work ups with me. They're over there," Rose cocked her head on the side of Diana's right ear. "He actually invited the three of us to join them in their table. But we decided that we should wait for you, said to him that we will be joining them next time."

Diana acted that she was scratching the back of her ear as she took a subtle peer over her shoulder. The red-haired man was sitting across Ben. He looks like he is telling a very good story, his pale hands move as he talks. Armie Hux keep going even if Ben is being non-chalant. He was used to it by now, he knows he's listening.

"He told me that they both went to Harvard med. I think they are actually friends. Hux didn't tell me about him though. He is just silent when Hux invited us for lunch."

Her head went back to face them, her sandwich is already halfway done. A red-hair with a friendly attitude and a dark-hair with a reserved demeanor. "And how did that happen?" Diana let out a rhetorical question in the circle.

"Any news on Lisa Johnson's lab reps?" She talked to Poe.

"Her labs came out clear. Nothing in the results explain the seizures. I thought Ben already relayed you the message, since you two are on the case. He approached me before lunch. He looked satisfied." Poe took a deep breath, thinking what he did after that. "Then I roamed around the OR. Checking out some operations in the window until Kanata kicked me out."

Diana opened her bag of chips, reaching it out to Rose and Poe for them to have some. They gladly picked some. "Nuh-uh, Solo did that to prove something to himself. He diagnosed the patient right away with knowing the results of the tests. I called him out for that then he called me out of over-reassuring Lisa."

"You two really got off in a bad start huh?" Poe slowly enjoyed the chips on his palm, picking one each time.

"Yeah, I guess you could say that."

"It will get better. Us doctors spent most of our life facing books instead of people, we're really not the greteast at interacting with others. Especially if you have a reputation to uphold. Jesus, can you guys imagine the pressure Ben Solo carries?" Rose looked at the man who is in a deep thought. Tugging the side of his lips.

Inside the Alderaan Grace Hospital, Dr. Enric Pryde sauntered in the hallway. He is the attending physician of the cardiothoracic of AGH. The decorated surgeon made his way to the canteen. Dr. Kanata following behind him.

"Is he really the young Solo that roamed around the hallways years ago? The one who learned to read by using the op board?" Enric look behind him, brewing something in his mind.

"Yes. Yes Dr. Pryde he is. Graduated on top of his class in Harvard Med. A very hardworking young man." Kanata was on his heels.

Every year, Enric Pryde chooses a new intern, a fresh meat, to terrorize. To be a lesson for everyone else and to know their line. He challenges the intern in a surprise scrub in- then pimp them (to interrogate them with extremely difficult questions unrelated to the operation to shake them off) while the rest of the interns watch above the gallery. That scrub in could either make or break the intern. And he thought that the young man Ben Solo is the perfect candidate.

"I respect your decision Dr. Pryde but you know how sensitive Ben gets. It's his destructive flaw, he is too hard on himself. He may come of as an arrogant blade, a jock cutter, but you know he is really good at his game."

"Then that gave me more reason to choose him. I know he is Leia's son, and the boy is textbook smart. I just need to see in my own eyes that he could the same in the practicals. If you're asking me Dr. Kanata to go easy on him, I won't. We need to remove his sensitivity."

Pryde pushed the door open, holding it for the doctor behind him. He immediately saw the young intern then continued walking.

"Look, look." Rose murmurred, gathering the attention of her new friends. "Dr. Pryde is with Kanata. What are they up to?" She looked around, tracing the eyeview of the two doctors.

"No shit. _Cardio God_?" Poe craned his neck, looking at the destination of the famous surgeon. The three of them were shocked and speechless when in stopped at the table of Solo and Armie.

"Dr. Solo." Enric Pryde interrupted Armie's monologue. They both stood in attention. Honored that they are graced by the appearance of the surgeon in their lunch table.

"Dr. Enric Pryde, this is one of my intern, Dr. Armitage Hux." Maz Kanata spoke, introducing the dazed red-head to Pryde.

Pryde extends his arm, "Dr. Hux." He acknowledged the intern.

"Dr. Pryde," Armie's voice almost cracked. "It is my pleasure to finally meet you."

The older surgeon pursed his lips, a tight smile, and nodded. "Likewise doctor."

Finally, Ben spoke. Honored. Proud. "Dr. Enric Pryde, to what do we owe this pleasure?"

Hands were clasped together on the surgeon's back as he announced the news. "It is already posted but I wanted to share the news. The honor of performing the first surgery is reserved for the intern who's shows the most... promise. I am the one in charge the OR today so the decision is left on me. It's going to be you, Ben Solo."

Air subtly leave his lungs when he heard his name. "Thank you Dr. Pryde."

A grin made its way on the doctor's lips. "You'll get it scrub in for an appendectomy this afternoon. Congratulations."

Ben shook his hand- it was firm and determined. I won't disappoint. And with that the doctors left.

"... Okay what just happened?" Poe was the one who talked first. Looking at the the men at the other table slumped their shoulders at ease. Hux did his very dramatically. The. reached for his friend's shoulder, it looks like he's congratulating him.

"No way. He got chosen." Diana said in disbelief. Rose softly gasped in her side.

"Chosen in what?" Poe said with his eyebrows lifted, he's not following the two.

"Okay so every year the attending on call picks the best intern and lets them perform a procedure during the first shift." Rose explained, still eyeing the "chosen" intern.

Now, Poe Dameron has got it. He scoffed, dipping his fist in Diana's bag of chips. "Of course he's got to do it."

With empty trays and cups, their table was filled with a fresh plate of jealousy with a hint of rage. He's got to do it? He didn't even do a good job monitoring the first patient, now he's considered the "best" out of all 20? Diana was not surprised, but severely disappointed.

Their failed faces returned to face their table. They all think the same thing, they didn't need to say it out aloud. This happens. It always does. An intern who's got the strings to pull from above get the most perks. That's inevitable. Even though you graduated top of the class, if you have an fellow intern who's daughter or son of someone, he will be the first to try anything.

Diana hated that thought. She wanted no part of it, that's why she chose Alderaan Grace Hospital to do her internship. She's just blissfully unaware that Leia's son is also interning in the same medical institution.

The gallery on the top of the operating room was quickly filled with spectators- residents, and interns are already making themselves comfortable. The three are on the first row, the good seats, giving them the perfect view from the table.

Diana is still snacking, slowly enjoying her back of Snickers. The half reason is more leisure and the another half is for wallowing. She could've been the one standing at the OR right now.

"Hello. I'm Armie, you must be Diana." Hux just entered the gallery and stood near her, a hand already reaching.

"Hi," Diana half-smiled, a smile with teeth is not a good idea while she's devouring a Snickers. "Nice to meet you Armie."

"Here," Rose said, letting the two know each other for a bit. "We saved you a seat."

At their back, interns started to predict what's going to happen.

"I heard the guy's a beast. Surely he's going to fly through it."

"Yeah, looks tough to me. He doesn't even look like an intern. The guy's massive."

"I heard that's the son of Dr. Leia."

"What really?..."

No one even threw a negative comment about him. Diana started to block the conversations from her mind and focused below. Ben Solo was already scrubbed and sterile, his ginormous hands already wearing a latex gloves are folded upward, keeping it clean. He's putting himself in the zone as the surgical staff around him prepares.

Diana is in the middle of taking another bite when Armie talked to her, "How did the patient with the seizure go? Ben's answer was no fun. Thought I'd ask about you if it's really that ordinary."

"Yup, sadly he's true. Dr. Holdo, the attending physician, read the neuro exam half an hour ago. She said it looks like a seizure disorder and that the meds are controlling it as of now. But she wanted the patient here for a couple of days just to be safe."

Half an hour ago, Diana and Ben went back to Lisa's room. Dr. Amilyn Holdo, chief of neurosurgery was in the room with them to answers the questions of the parents. They were relieved that it isn't serious. Just another episode.

_"Guess my diagnosis is right." Ben cockily declared to Diana as they walked outside the room._

_She turned around, eyes narrowing at him. "You just got lucky."_

_"Lucky." Ben sneered, his tongue stabbing the of his cheek. "Are you really a surgeon? Because you should've known that luck doesn't exist for us. Don't tell me you believe in supersition too, like you have a thing that you have to do before doing anything. Are you one of those people."_

_Indeed Diana is one of those people. "That's none of your business, Solo. Besides-"_

_"Dr. Solo." He corrected._

_"Oh that's good enough for you? I thought you were going to say Doctor Organa-Solo for the full effect."_

_How can this woman be able to talk him down. Right in the middle of the hospital. A familiar territory to him._

_"Look," Diana continued talking. She realized that she's becoming too harsh. "You got it right. Fine. But don't dismiss her right away. That's the first patient of your internship, atleast give your patient a good treatment."_

_"You're sentimental." He pointed out. "You heard Dr. Holdo and the tests. She's fine. Don't get too attached Dr. Montgomery, after the results come in move on to another who needs our help."_

_Okay, Diana tried to make amends. But Ben wanted to keep going with his bitchy attitude. So be it._

_"Okay." Diana shrugged like she wasn't fuming with rage inside and started walking._

"But atleast she's fine now." Armie said, happy that the kid doesn't have some serious diagnosis.

Diana agreed.

"Here we gooo" Poe hummed

Below, Pryde entered the OR fully scrubbed. His hands are still bare, arms folded upward. Latex gloves tightly snapped as the staff helped the surgeon to put it in his arms. The anesthesiologist put the patient under.

"Benjamin Solo, let's see what you've got."

Ben Solo stood to the side of the table, the limelight is his at the moment.

"How do we start Ben?" Dr. Pryde begin his questioning. Saying the first name of the doctor to lure him in comfort. Slowly baiting him. It's a trap.

He knew better. "Create an incision." His rich, baritone voice was muffled behind this surgical mask.

The older surgeon nodded. "Show me."

The gallery turned silent, waiting for Ben to start. A beat. He held out his hand, "Scalpel."

The interns let out an exhale. The wheels are set in motion.

Ben began to cut open, his pressure was surprisingly perfect for a first timer. Pryde nodded in satisfaction.

"Pick-up. Clamps." Ben ordered, successfully opening the peritoneum.

"Oh, he's good." Rose said to herself. So far, so good.

Ben is there. "Now, identify to me the appendix."

"The appendix is right here doctor." The pool of blood didn't even bother him as he ID'd the organ. It's like asking a kid what's 1+1 is. After throwing unnecessary questions to throw him off, Ben still stands strong. He knows what happens in an appendectomy.

Satisfied, Pryde carried on. "Alright, now remove it."

In a matter of careful seconds, Ben pulled out the appendix and put in a tray. "The appendix is out." He declared. He's proud with himself.

Everyone in the gallery is in awe. Pryde didn't even knock the intern down. Ben didn't even falter with his answers as he drilled him with questions. Ben Solo is more than just his name and Diana is mad about that. He is actually really good.

"Not bad." He is more than "not bad". Pryde was just being careful to not give the young doctor a compliment in the middle of operation.

"Thank you sir." He's happy with that

"All you've got to do now is invert the stump and into the cecum and simultaneously pull up on the purse strings. But careful because you don't want-"

You don't want to break the purse strings. Ben continued in his mind. The ligation and irrigation are successful. Now Dr. Pryde is impressed. No casualties.

"Good job Dr. Solo. Very good. Now, just close the incision and you're through. I'll save my congratulations right after I get to see how well is your suture."

The gallery started to get loud again, praises and admiration to Ben Solo rolled of their tongues uncluding Rose and Poe. Hux knew that his friend is going to do well. Diana is the only who is quiet.


	3. Exception To The Rule

**Chapter Three: Exception To The Rule**

The night came, the newly-acquainted interns made themselves comfortable in the abandoned stretchers near the vending machine. Poe choosing his _gourmet_ snack for the night.

  
  
"So in a nutshell, everybody wants to sleep with Ben Solo." Diana, who is reading her notes as her past time, summarized the things Rose heard from the hallways.

  
  
From the performance he did earlier, apparently everyone got the hots for him. Men, women, everyone who heard what happened in the OR. Who didn't want to sleep with Ben? The guy's gorgeous, tall and the way he carries himself is sexy. And now, the hospital learned that he's really his mother's son. The surgery went without any problems. Well, Diana is the one who didn't want to sleep with him.

  
  
"Hey, you told me that the dude's an asshole. I talked to him a while ago as I check the vitals of the patient that I'm monitoring. He seems okay to me," Rose took a pause. "Friendly actually."

  
  
"Pfft. Friendly? Maybe because the man's on cloud nine at the moment." Diana laughed

  
  
"The guy looks intense. But remember when he approached me this morning about the tests? I didn't tell you during lunch but he was really chill. We actually talked for a while." Poe walked away from the vending machine and went near them.

  
  
Diana is confused. "Wait, wait a second," Now she just looks like she's just made for no reason and just spreading false rumors. "Are we talking about the same guy? Because I swear he's been getting on my skin the whole day. Now I'm hearing that he's nice to you guys."

  
  
"Oh no, no." Rose caught on. "We don't think that you're making it up. Because you're really pissed when you had lunch. Like I said, maybe you guys just got off on the wrong foot. He'll come around."

  
  
_What the fuck?_ Diana titled her head to the side. _What did I do wrong now. Because I didn't give him the gurney the first time he asked?_  
  
  
  
Panic went all around her body as Diana pushed the door open. She received a 911 for Lisa Johnson. Chaos ensues around the room. Lisa is shaking violently.

  
  
"What took you so long?" The nurse said in a frantic voice. "She's having multiple grand mal seizures. How do you want to proceed Dr. Montgomery. She's already got diazapam, 2 mg of lorazapam. I just gave her a second doze." She quickly run things over to her.

  
  
She's the only intern present. No Solo. No Holdo. The nurses wait for her order. Lisa's seizure become forceful. It's beginning to scare Diana, she quickly take a glance on her chart. She pulled a light in her coat pocket to check the dilations of her patient's eyes.

  
  
"Have you page Dr. Solo and Dr. Holdo?" The lozaperam has no effect. She have to give her something fast.

  
  
"Yes."

  
  
"Pheno-Phenobarbital. Do it with 4 mg." Her voice was shaky, stumbling with her words. _Where are they?_

  
  
"4 mg of phenobarbital." The nurse repeated the amount, confirming it. They inject the fluid to her IV. "Pheno's in."

A beat.

"No change."

"What?" Diana hit a dead end. _It is supposed to work! That's the protocol._

"Please page them again. Solo and Holdo." She pleaded, all of the things she learned dissolved in her brain. Shock and anxiety taking over his mind.  
  


"Dr. Montgomery what do you want us to do?" The nurse couldn't hide his panic now.

  
  
Being completely idiotic, Diana asked the nurse. "What does the doctor normally do?"

  
  
The nurse was shocked, delirious even with her question. "This isn't normal Dr. Montgomery you need to tell us what to do!"  
  
"Oh God. I don't know! I don't know!"

  
  
The shrill continuous sound came out in the monitor. Flat line.

  
  
"Heart stopped." The nurse quickly said. Pressing the button near the bed.

"Code blue. Code blue!"

Lisa Johnson is technically dead.

  
  
The continuous sound pulled back Diana from reality. Quickly, she start to do chest compression. "Nurse, please grab the crash cart. I need somebody to be ready to take my place here." She started giving orders.

  
  
No rhythm. Diana's lips started to quiver.

  
  
Ben entered the whirlwind. "What's going on?" Ben tried to gather information on his patient. Walking quickly near to Diana. She couldn't speak, the nurse on stand-by gave Ben the story.

  
  
He sensed that Diana is becoming tired. "Diana, move. Let me take over." Ben pulled her away from Lisa, continuing to do the compression.

  
"Still on V-fib." The nurse said. The paddles are ready.

  
  
Diana immediately grabbed the paddles, slightly fumbling over them. "I'm going to shock her. Charge paddles on 200. Clear!" Ben move out the way as she shocks Lisa. They both stare at the monitor.

  
  
"We got nothing. 19 seconds" The nurse said, fingers ready to dial the paddles to a higher voltage.  
  


"Charge it to 300. Clear."

  
  
"Nothing. 27 seconds. "

  
  
"Come on Lisa. Charge it to 360. Clear!" Her voice croaked, she doesn't care if she start crying there. She doesn't care if she heard some news of some intern crying during code blue tomorrow morning.

  
  
"49 seconds"

  
  
Nothing. Nothing worked, Diana started doing chest compression again. Forcing to find a rhythm.

"Charge it again."

  
  
The nurse is hesitant. "At 60 seconds you're suppose to-"

  
  
"Charge it again." Ben reiterated, taking over the paddles. "Paddles at 360, clear."

  
  
They all went quiet, looking at the monitor to see some movement.

  
  
"I see sinus rhythm."

  
  
"BPs coming up."

  
  
Relief washed over Diana. Ben fixed the strands of his hair that fell in his forehead.

  
  
"What happened?" Dr. Holdo entered the room in a run.

  
  
"Lisa had a seizure, her heart stopped-" Diana began to explain only to be interrupted by the infuriated physician.

  
  
"Her heart stopped? You two are supposed to be monitoring her!" The attending physician is vexed.

  
  
"Expect that your resident doctor will hear about this." Holdo shook her head. She focused her attention to the patient. Checking her airway status and charts.

  
  
Diana bolted, the whole event overwhelmed her. She needed some air.

  
  
"Hey!" Ben followed him. "The nurse said you just stood there not ordering anything after you gave her phenobarb. You just started talking again when she flat lined. What the hell was that?" He's annoyed. Frustrated that he will get reprimanded for her actions.

  
  
"Where were you then? They paged you a thousand times." She squeaked. Diana isn't strong enough to hold out her words.

  
  
Her feet are fast, but Ben didn't have a hard time catching up. "Did you black out after the phenobarbital? You know you could up the dosage right?" He continues to probe.

  
  
Something bad swirled insider her stomach. _Oh no_. Diana is now on a mission to find an empty room. She can't do this right now.

  
  
"If Kanata got mad at me too for having a patient dead for less than a minute I-"

  
  
Finally, Diana saw a vacant room. She rattled the door knob open, she didn't have to listen to Ben bitching about his "tarnished" reputation to Kanata.

  
  
"What are you on about now?" He is confused. Ben thought that Diana is just trying to get away far from him. Preventing him call out her incompetent actions.

  
  
Her feet continued to march in the bathroom. She can feel it rising up to her throat. Any second now. After raising up the toilet seat, Diana hunched down. Vomit coming out in an instant.

  
  
Ben Solo stood outside the bathroom. His stare softened a little bit. He's still irritated. But he really saw that Diana is really shook up. Lisa Johnson's heart stopped. The genius quiz bee kid that she was just having conversation with this morning stopped living. And what's worse is, Diana thinks that it's almost her fault that it happened.

  
  
He gave her a peace of mind as she let out the vile result of her panic and anxiety.

  
  
Diana felt so much better after letting it all out. Dizzy and weak, but okay. She went to the tiny sink, cleaning herself. If this is a one of those weird dreams she has before she get the full she better wake up now.

  
  
Nope. Still here. Post-vomit. Eyes shiny and teary.

  
  
"Here." Ben said, not looking at her. He has a feeling that Diana doesn't want anyone to see her position right now. A white cotton handkerchief sitting on his hand, waiting for her to take it.

  
  
She looked around for a tissue paper, reluctant to take something from him. But because the room has no patient = no tissue paper.  
  
Her hand pulled the soft cotton from him. "Thank you." Her eyes downcast, dabbing the fabric around her mouth.

  
  
"The phenobarbital," Diana started to talk. She is his patient too, he needs to know the explanation of her procedure. "She's 17. I gave the maximum dosage of the fluid her body can carry. That's the protocol."

  
  
"I know."

  
  
"It didn't work. She was still convulsing, it didn't even relax her one bit." She continued

  
  
He clenched his jaw. Slowly realizing that it wasn't her fault. "I saw that."

  
  
"Just like you said, you saw the tests and Holdo's remarks. Nothing too serious. That's not another episode, that's something else."

  
  
Diana is right.

  
  
The young doctor shifted his weight from his right to left leg. So maybe he overreacted just a tad bit... and he's wrong about the diagnosis. It's not a simple epilepsy.

  
  
He took a long look at her, small pieces of her hair escaped her ponytail after a long day. One of her hands is clutching the edge of the sink, still catching her breath as the water keep running.

  
Maybe Ben's mother taught him the lesson of life and death to him at such early age so he took the event easier than her. _Death, it's inevitable._ He remembered his mother's words. _And it is our job to save the people as we can to delay that. But if the time really comes and somebody's heart stopped beating in the table, you have to know that you did everything you can to delay that moment. If it's their time, we can't do anything about that._

  
  
"Thank you for the handkerchief. I'll thoroughly wash it and give it back." Her thumb circled the fabric. She felt that something was embroidered.

  
  
_B O S._ The letters are in dark blue thread.

  
  
Ben looked at his watch, their shift is about to end. He dismissed her appreciation. "You can have it. Hold on to it, there's more of that coming from us. I say you get used to it."

  
  
With that, he turned his heel around and left Diana alone.


	4. One In A Million

**Chapter Four: One In A Million**

Tiny droplets landed on her bare shoulders and back like nails. The long and cold shower pulled her back to her senses. This is what her med school professor has been commenting on her whole senior year.

  
  
_She can see herself standing in front of her professor's table, waiting for the evaluation. "Ms. Montgomery, you are smart. You're grades never really dipped. But can I tell you something? You're textbook smart. You can handle things perfectly without the pressure. That's not how your career works. It's also chaos, that's why the students never have it easy."_

  
  
_Disappointment with herself, Diana somberly nodded to her professor. She just finished her practicals, a futuristic OR simulation given to the students to test how well they will handle the various outside factors that will affect the surgery. And she cracked._

  
  
_"I admired your intelligence Diana. You can enumerate things in a beat the med students have difficulty in remembering. But you really need to work on your time pressure. And you really to control your emotions, you're in your senior year now. You'll get thrown in a bloody pit in less than a year. You said you're going to AGH, am I correct?"_

  
  
_"Yes, Professor Beckett."_

  
  
_"I have got a few colleagues attending there, those are good people. And I support your decision taking your internship there. But I've got to put your performance today in your remarks. Continue to work with it."_  
  
_She nodded._

  
  
_Professor Beckett leaned his back on his leather chair, the fabric squeaking. "I've also seen your empathy training. It's good. Your cognitive, emotional and compassionate empathy is through the roof as a matter of fact."_

  
  
_But... Diana continued. There's always a but in this kind of situation._

  
  
_"But I suggest you tone it down." There it is. "Don't let it affect your professionalism. You're considered to be a doctor now, it doesn't hurt to be cold and aloof once in a while."_  
  


_"Yes, Dr. Beckett."_  
  
———  
  
"Hold it please!" Diana picked up her pace, catching the elevator. Her earbuds is still blasting music.

  
  
The elevator stopped halfway from closing and opened widely again.

  
  
"Thank you." She jogged in the entrance. Pulling out her white earbuds. Diana looked up only to see Ben looking at her stoic as ever, holding the open button. Armie smiling brightly at his side, happy to catch a fellow intern in the elevator.

  
  
"Dr. Solo" She pursed her lips.

  
  
The elevator started moving upward. "Dr. Montgomery."

  
  
"Hey, Armie." Diana said cheerily to the red-haired man who is already smiling at her. Her tone is significantly different on how she greeted Ben.

  
  
"Hello, Diana."

  
  
Beside Armie, Ben Solo's lip subtly twitched. They are all looking up, watching the light slowly transfer from number to another.

  
  
Armie broke the silence. "I heard Dr. Holdo is holding a meeting after the A.M rounds." It is addressed to both Diana and Ben, waiting for either of the two to give him a response.

  
  
"Yeah I heard that." Diana is rolling the wires her earbuds neatly before putting it in the side pocket of her backpack. "I'm sure it's about our patient, Lisa."

  
  
_Our_. Ben's hazel eyes stopped focusing on the ascending numbers. It flickered then stealthily turned to look at Diana, her skin is flushed due to cold Seattle morning. He took his time to observe her face, looking at the natural dark hues below her eyes.

  
  
"Oh, the one with the seizures, yeah." Armie knew what happened last night. Ben just spared the details of the events that took place after the revival.

  
  
"Mmm-hmm, that's the one."

  
  
\--

  
After putting on their scrubs in the locker room. The five begin to find Kanata who is already ready to give their designations for the morning. The hallway walk started, their white coats flinging on every steps, their ID cards move slightly from left to right.

  
  
"After the meeting Dr. Holdo Dameron you'll be Dr. Kenobi's intern for today,"

  
  
Poe raised his fist in success.

  
  
"Hux- to the pit. Tico you're going with me for today I have a patient under close monitor. Solo, patient work ups, stand by because we have a scheduled bypass this morning. Montgomery, you're with Holdo this morning." Kanata concluded her orders on time as they enter a patient's room.

  
  
Kanata and the others are standing behind the edge of the seat while Ben Solo stood near at the side of the patient. They look at her, the cheeks of the pale girl, in her 20s starting to burn. She erratically fanned herself, trying her best to calm herself down.

  
  
"Paige Horvath, 23. In for a scheduled ETS for a treatment for her erythrophobia hyperpyrexia." Ben began reciting the condition of the patient.

  
  
"Erythrophobia Hyperpyrexia?" Poe whispered to Armie

  
  
" **Blushing**." He answered. Oh

  
  
Kanata has the patient's bulky file in her palms, skimming the charts. "Do you still have any question about the procedure Paige?"

  
  
"Oh, Dr. So- _God_ ," If they thought that it's the end of Paige's blushing, her cheeks become redder as she struggled to say Ben's name. "Dr. S-Solo explained some, as well as Dr. Amilyn. He- He's, um, he's really hel-helpful." The embarrassed patient tried her very best not to look at Ben.

  
  
The interns tried to hide the smile. Poor girl, she can't even hide her feelings to the doctor in front of her. "Sorry." She said, feeling her hot cheeks and fanning it again with her hand.

  
  
"Don't be." Poe said. "Half of the patients and interns have the hots for Solo."

  
  
Light gasps escaped from their lips. Rose and Diana gave their friend a glare. Shocked that he really just said that in front of the patient and Ben.

  
  
Kanata slowly turned her head to the intern. "Dameron." She said in a menacing manner.

  
  
"I'm sorry Dr. Kanata... it's true." Poe is just saying what the hospital is thinking about.  
  
\--  
  
The interns, other than their group, are buzzing after the meeting by Dr. Amilyn Holdo was concluded. Turns out, Lisa Johnson is a mystery. A ticking time bomb and the doctor can't come up with a diagnosis. So the doctor came up with a plan. In exchange for some intern helping to find out what causes Katie's seizure, they get to assists in the procedure if there's going to be one. Everyone's eyeing the prize, especially Ben Solo.

  
  
Back in the abandoned stretchers that became their unofficial resting place, Rose, Hux, Poe are huddled together. Thick medical books and their handwritten journals are sprawled open, trying to find answers in the mystery puzzle. Diana is pacing back and forth, going over and over Lisa's chart. Thinking that she must've missed something.

  
  
Ben Solo is not in the huddle, he wants to work alone. He's two stretchers away from the group. If he wants that operation assistance he needs to be the only one to crack it.

  
  
"So she doesn't have anoxia, chronic renal failure or acidosis." Poe went over the information again.

"No," Rose replied, practicing her suture skills in a banana to wake up her mind. "It can't be tumor then."

  
  
"How about infection?" Hux rubbed his chin. There must be an explanation. There HAS to be.

  
  
"No. No white count, no CT lesions, no fevers, nothing in the spinal tap." Diana answered her.

  
  
Diana didn't notice that she went more than her usual trailing pace, reaching Ben with his nose buried in charts and journals.

  
  
"Clearly you must be enjoying this." Ben said, eyes not leaving the pages.

  
  
She stopped in her tracks. "What's that supposed to mean?" _Is that his way of trying to make a small talk?_

  
  
His eyes finally lifted, his eyes challenging her. "Oh, I mean the fact that you knew that it wasn't just a simple epilepsy. Are you going to hold my words against me?" Ben said, recalling their argument in the CT room about her condition.

  
  
Diana forgot about that. "I'm not of those people who uses the words of others to gain the upper hand."

  
  
"No drug use, no trauma and no pregnancy," Ben continued to talk. Changing the subject of their conversation. Moving on like he didn't open their talk with a negative way. "What do you have in mind Dr. Montgomery?"

  
  
"Why do you think I'll let you what I have in mind?"

  
  
Ben changed his position, he straightened his back and fixed is coat. "I'm not of those people who uses the words of others to gain the upper hand." Throwing back her own words.

  
  
"I don't have any." Diana confessed. She's out of ideas.

  
  
Same goes to him. "So she dies?" Ben provoked her, testing if she's going to act like she did last night. "But I really wanted that surgery."

  
  
Her face turned into disgust. This man is a robot. "So that's what you're after? Not her life but the surgery?"

  
  
"I took the Hippocratic Oath. That answers your question."

  
  
Diana bitterly laughed. "You're acting like you didn't." She said defiantly.

  
  
"Yesterday you were a shrink. And now you're what, a detective? What are you going to be tomorrow?" Ben let out an amused chuckle.

  
  
"I'm just stating my observation."

  
  
The two competed in a little staring contest. Diana doesn't care if Ben Solo's showed a minute act of kindness last night. If he keeps on pressing her for no reason she won't back down. _What? Is he used to people cowering under him when he looks at them dirty?_

  
  
The tension became uncomfortably thick in the whole area. The three stopped brainstorming and started witnessing their little debacle. Poe observed the two, Diana's body language and eyes screams "enraged". Ben, on the other hand, got the doctor confused. His shoulders are relaxed, whereas Diana's are tight. His eyes are twinkling as he is looking up at her, like he's enjoying to be insulted.

  
  
"I used to compete in trivia quiz bee." Armie stated. Trying to diffuse the tension. "It says here that Lisa Johnson was competing in a quiz bee that day. I got a medal for knowing who was Benedictine monk who invented champagne."

  
  
Poe is still looking at the two of them.

  
  
"Who's the monk?" Rose asked, she's interested.

  
  
"Dom Pérignon." A perfect French accent rolled of his tongue.

  
  
Rose is stunned at how attractive Armie said it. "Oh."

  
  
Poe shook his head and went back to read the chart. "Yeah, poor kid. She didn't even get to finish it."

  
  
Something clicked in Mallory's mind that made her stumble backward that she had to bury his right foot to the ground. Ben leaned in, but he didn't say anything. He knew she had an epiphany.

  
  
"Diana," Rose voiced out her concern. "What's wrong?"

  
  
"What if it's aneurysm?" Her voice is almost inaudible to the three. Ben heard it.

  
  
"What?" Armie asked patiently

  
  
"Aneurysm." A little louder this time.

  
  
"But Diana it says here in the chart that you and Ben's patient doesn't have any medical proof for an aneurysm. No headache, no neck pain and a clean CT." Rose spoke

  
  
"Right, I know. Nothing. But- but what if she has aneurysm anyway?" The hunch is too strong, she can feel it her energy surging.

  
  
They can see her coming up with something. Ben is quiet, watching her intently.

  
  
"There are no indicators." Armie told her.

  
  
"Armie, she told me" Her voice is full of appreciation. He helped her to have the premonition. "She said to me that she tripped in the stairs 3 days ago. Maybe that burst the aneurysm."

  
  
They understood where she's coming from. When no one answered, she continued to speak. Strengthening her statement. "They didn't think much about it. They just iced the ankle and carried on. She felt fine.

  
  
"The chances of bursting an aneurysm in a minor fall is one in a million." Ben's head raised up exaggeratedly to show his point. "Literally one in a million."

  
  
"Well maybe she is. That's got to be the only explanation."

  
  
Her other interns are convinced to her theory. There are no answers to explain her case. Right now they need to have any explanation would suffice. And Diana has one.

  
  
"You think Holdo would give a green light on angiogram? It has to go first to Chief Calrissian." Ben quizzed her. Weirdly enough, it didn't come off as condescending.

  
  
Nothing will rain on her parade. She has a good feeling about it. It's not in her nature to give people she doesn't like a smile. But because Diana is high from her breakthrough, she gave Ben an excited one. A grin. "Right now Holdo would do anything just to save a life."

  
  
"Diana, go!" Rose perked up. "Go tell Holdo. Now!" She grinned, encouraging her friend to make a run for it.

  
  
"Okay. Okay." Still not moving. "I'm going to do it. I'm gonna do it."

  
  
" **Go!** " Hux, Poe and Rose urged her in unison.

  
  
"I'm off okay, bye. Thank you so much."

  
  
Her rapid footsteps slowly got quiet. The three laughed, amazed that one of them got it right. Ben is also stunned at her, lips parted in awe. Because of her little talk with the patient, she might actually got it right.

  
  
"You guys know she's from Standford right?" Poe closed the medical books. He had a feeling that the search is over.

  
  
"Woah, really? That's a tough cookie right there." Hux said in amazement.

  
  
"It's pretty nice to hear that from a guy from Harvard Med." Rose said, continuing her sutures.

  
  
He playfully grinned at her then proceeded to watch her suturing skills.

  
———  
  
"Well, I'll be damned." Poe and the rest of the group is sitting on the gallery to watch. The OR is full house. Diana got it right. There is an aneurysm. Small, but it's there. A subarachoid hemorrage. Lisa, who managed to enter the top 5 of her trivia quiz bee, was bleeding into her brain.

  
  
The operating table is surrounded. Holdo, the nurses, the OR tech, the residents are standing around the table. Ready to do their jobs. Trying to get a peek. Diana could only see a snippets of what's going on– instruments being hand off, the first incision.

  
  
"That's so amazing." Rose said in complete awe. Appreciative that she got to the see surgery clear.

  
  
Holdo works on Katie with full professionalism. Calm and confident. Eyes going from the microscope to the screen then to the monitors. Always on her feet- alert. There's a two headed microscope, one of the senior residents watches Holdo in the second lens.

  
  
The attending physician looked up from the intern. Impressed that she found out the cause of the seizures. She proved that she has so much to give, she knew that Diana Montgomery would make it far.

  
  
She waved for her to come closer, giving her a chance to peek in the microscope. Actually see the happening first hand. Diana wormed her way in.

  
  
Diana looked down in amazement. Enthralled at what she's seeing. This is very important moment for her.

  
  
Stanford Med produces doctors that are emotionally detached. The blueprint. But because of her compassion, Diana Montgomery saved a life tonight.

  
  
_But they created an emphatic doctor. Now that's one in a million._

  
  
Above the OR, in the gallery, Ben Solo is stunned and mesmerized.

Because of the smile? Or because of seeing the surgery? That's the question better to leave unanswered


	5. Is Sharing Caring?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: little mention of blood bc of surgeries

**Chapter Five: Is Sharing Caring?**

Dr. Kanata was in the wrapping up phase of the surgery when a blood vessel ruptured. The monitor started beeping, the nurses and OR tech on the other side of the table assisting the surgeon scrambled.

  
  
"We're losing him." She said in a hurry voice. The instrument she's been holding clanked to the tray. "Paddles."

  
  
Right in an instant, Diana handed her the charged interior paddles.

  
  
"10 joules."

  
  
The nurse manning the paddles confirmed the voltage "10 joules."

A pause.

  
  
"No response Dr. Kanata."

  
  
It's one of those many situations that happen in the OR. The body of the patient became stressed or something in them became too weak that they can't handle the surgery. Or sometimes, the procedure went well but there comes a surprise happening that wasn't planned.

  
  
Their eyes hovered in the monitors above, looking for any sign of life. Nothing. After the revival protocol, the patient's heart is still not beating. The blood pressures dropped. No more actions can be done.

  
  
The tight shoulders of the doctor sagged. The eyes are the only ones that can be seen in her face and it was showing frustration. Frustrated that they couldn't save the life of the patient after a long and complicated surgery that went well. Only to be deemed ineffective because complications that happened after. The room was swept with silence. The machine that was hooked to the heart of the patient was taunting them with a flat shrill.

  
  
Bloody palms are turned upward, the surgeon look at Diana. "Call it Dr. Montgomery."

  
  
Her eyes moved to the clock behind her resident doctor. Diana pulled a deep breath, "Time of death, 10:03"

  
-

She dragged her feet to do her scheduled rounds. Her feet are heavier than the usual today. A mark of disappointment. Diana couldn't even bother to fix her hair which is in a slight disarray. She still have to monitor the patients assigned for her.

  
  
Upon entering the room of the patient, Diana put on an approachable stance and an amicable yet professional face. The old man got admitted this morning, Larry Emmatt, 68 years of age. The man drove itself in the construction site that was on-going. Fortunately, the workers were on a break during the incident.

  
  
"Good morning Mrs. Emmatt. I'm Dr. Montgomery, do you have a few questions about your husband?" She calmly asked the still-shocked wife of the patient as she went through the charts.

  
  
Turns out that Mr. Emmatt went into radiology after Diana went to scrub in to Kanata's surgery. The man hit his head in the windshield pretty bad that knocked him unconscious right away and his chest hit the steering column. _Christ_ , she thought that the man only has subdural hematoma. But an air was also present in his mediastinum. He will undergo for both neuro and cardiothoracic surgeries.

  
  
"No, I think the doctors explained everything to me." The distressed wife sniffled. Looking at his husband, who is still unconscious. She couldn't believe that this is all happening to them. "He's a good driver. He is really. Larry loves to drive. It wasn't his fault, it's the car's fault."

  
  
At first that's what Diana assumed that to herself. He was driving a very old car. Maybe faulty. No airbags. The brake stopped working. But after looking at the updated condition of the old man, it turns out that it was partially his fault. Spinal Stenosis- narrowing of the spine that because of old age. It causes numbness of the legs and feet. But looking at how thin is spine has already become, he really couldn't feel his legs at this point. The bottom line is, he shouldn't be driving.

  
  
Diana nodded over and over again to appease the wife who is overly-defensive. "Okay Mrs. Emmatt, the doctors will do their very best for your husband."

  
  
"Dr. Montgomery." Maz Kanata entered the room. "Prepare for another scrub-in this afternoon. You and Dr. Solo will assist the attending for Mr. Emmatt's surgery. I expect for the both of you to do your homework."

  
  
"Dr. Solo?" Diana repeated. Mr. Emmatt is her solo patient for today, she's been assigned to her since his stretcher is rolled in the ER this morning. _Why is Solo in the picture again?_

  
  
Maz Kanata looked up and gave her intern an look, curious why is she questioning her. "Is there a problem Dr. Montgomery?"

  
  
_There is._ It's been a week since they started. And most of the time, Ben Solo always got to scrub-in in the most intense and amazing surgeries. And Diana has been pretty vocal about it, to her friends at least. To Rose and Poe. Hux has an idea, but Diana decided that it's best not to talk ill to the only friend of that cocky intern with the beautiful hair. This is the first time Diana got a heavy one since the Lisa Johnson case. Now she has to share?

  
  
"No Dr. Kanata. Nothing." No complaints to Maz. Once a string of negative comments about her decision making, it's going to be waiting for a good surgery after Ben Solo got the best one or no surgery at all. Diana picker the former.

  
  
Dr. Kanata doesn't give a damn about the little feuds of their interns. That's normal. Plus, she doesn't like another stress that won't benefit her in any way, shape or form. "Good. Now be on stand-by. I got it here."

  
  
"Yes ma'am."  
  
\--

  
Diana marched to the reception area. Poe saw her right away, her hands squeezed in a tight fist. Hux and Solo's eyes are dipped down, doing some paperwork for their patients.

  
  
"Is it true?" Diana said firmly. Standing too close to the doctor. Right to the point. Diana didn't even mention his name. She never does. Everyone in their group call him now by his first name while she's still having a hard time to acknowledge his title and surname when they are not in front of superior doctors and patients. 

  
  
Ben fixed his coat neatly and ran his hand through his hair. "What is?" The pen on his fingers continued to scribble in the paper.

  
  
"You're scrubbing in for my patient? Mr. Emmatt, he has a severe subdural hematoma. Narrowing of the spinal co-"

  
  
" _Spare me_ with your explanation. I know what subdural hematoma is Dr. Montgomery." He tried to keep his voice down, the sound comes from his throat letting out a little growl.

  
  
"Well I'm glad you knew that. So you're aware that I'm interning for Holdo today right? The head of neurosurgery. Why do you get to scrub-in then?"

  
  
"Didn't you hear Kanata during the morning rounds? I'm Pryde's intern for today. Head of cardiothoracic surgery. Do you know what that means, Dr. Montgomery?" He mirrored the way Diana said when he said Pryde's position.

  
  
Hux and Dameron just gave each other a knowing glance. It pretty much became normal to them that these two are always bickering at each other. And for the last two days, they didn't hear any words spewed at each other. It felt weird. Now they can work in peace.

  
  
" _I know what that means._ " She said sharply.

  
  
"Say it to me then." Ben urged, leaning down his head to level with hers. His annoying move to show Diana how small she is compared to him.

She didn't say anything and just stared at him. The color around his pupil are speckled with amber. Like a debris of fire falling down the floor.

" _Say it_." He imposed.

  
  
"Heart. Lungs. Esophagus... Trachea." Her words started to trail off, recalling that her patient has, in fact, a tracheal injury.

  
  
Ben took it as a win. "Yeah, that's right. Your patient has air in the mediastinum. The central compartment of the thoracic cavity. Do you know now where Pryde comes along?" He told her like it's the first time Diana heard what the medical term is.

  
  
"I know that, _Dr. Solo_." She said it in a mocking tone.

  
  
Ben tugged the side of lips. Long lines of dimples formed at both ends of his mouth. Smug when he heard his name.

  
  
"But that doesn't mean you also get to scrub-in even if your attending for today is going on a surgery." She continued. That's just unfair. Last Monday, Dr. Kenobi had an operation but he kept Rose in the gallery. It's just until today that she let Rose to enter the OR and assist him.

  
  
"Why are you asking me that question? Go to Pryde. Complain to him. I know where he is, I can tell you the directions. Or do you want me to go with you so won't be lost. Again." Ben said, pulling his whole lower lip inside his mouth to give it moisture.

  
  
"Course you know this whole place." Okay, that's enough "argument" for today.

  
  
With that, Ben Solo continued writing. Diana walked passed to the two Harvard-graduate interns.

  
  
"Here," Poe threw her a bag of chips, Diana caught it mid-air before it lands on Armie's head. The plastic crumpled as she got a hold of it. "It's the last one in the vending machine. That thing is what you always you eat. I literally had to fight an ortho intern to get that because I heard the surgery with Kanata was unsuccessful."

  
  
The bag let out the air that has been stored to make it bigger as she opened her favorite stale food. "Oh, score! Thank you and yeah, it really sucks. Kanata let me call in the time of death. And she ordered me to go with her tell the family the news. She literally finished the procedure when something bad happened."

  
  
"Same as me. Dr. Phasma allowed me to call in the time of death as well." Poe dug his fingers to get a generous amount of chips. Sure, he got it for his friend. But Diana knows that it's his favorite too. She's glad to share it with him.

  
  
"That's three surgeries now. Three deaths. We still have a long way to go." Armie joined the talk. Diana moved the bag near to him, offering him for some. She didn't extend the invitation to the young doctor beside Armie. She doesn't want to share anything with him.

  
  
"I'm good thanks." He smiled. "I devoured some pizza 10 minutes ago. I was pretty stressed with the surgery with Pryde this morning too. The man is so frustrated when he couldn't revive the patient in the table."

  
  
"Have you guys seen Rose?" Diana asked as she chewed a mouthful of chips.

  
  
"She's still with Dr. Kenobi." Armie immediately said before Poe could say a word. "I think... I'm not sure." Then he proceeded to act unsure.

  
  
Diana smiled at the "budding romance" (Poe's own words) between Rose and Armie. The two will just burst into giggles once in a while, then Diana will ask what's funny. She wants a laugh too.  
  
_"Oh, it's a joke that Hux said before. It's-"_  
  
_"No, no. It's embarrassing." With that smile, he could for sure reach the high and sophisticated ceilings of Alderaan Grace._

  
"Good morning Dr. Solo." A coy voice of a woman greeted Ben as she walked by graciously. Bazine Netal, intern of another resident, her hair neatly tucked unlike Diana's, sporting his thick and groomed eyebrows and high cheekbones to the famous Ben Solo.

  
  
"Good morning..." Ben gazed to the coat of the intern to look at her name. "Dr. Netal"

  
  
Bazine is satisfied with his reply. After giving him a gorgeous smile, she turned around and continued walking. She didn't even throw a glance to the other interns beside Ben, acting like they didn't exist. So the whole "Ben Solo can get it" is still going around in the interns.

  
  
They went silent for a while, Diana is munching her food. Ben and Armie continued to do their paperworks. Poe is reading something off his journal, studying. Occasionally reaching for the food.

  
  
"Diana?" Poe asked, it sounded very curious.

  
  
She gulped before answering, "Yeah?"

  
  
"It's okay if you'd tell me that it's none of my business, I'd understand. . . But are you in a relationship?" He peeled his eyes from the pages of his journal and placed it on hers.

  
  
Beside her, Armie froze. His hands stopped writing, oddly interested in what Diana is about to say. And beside him, Ben accidentally wrote the wrong word. Cleanly scratching the error and repeating it correct this time.

  
  
"You mean am I seeing someone? Like a boyfriend?"

  
  
"Yeah, something along the course of that." He shrugged his shoulders.

  
  
"Are _you_ seeing someone?" She returned the question.

  
  
"No. I asked you first." Poe quickly said.

  
  
"This is the first time you asked a personal question. All we talk about about are med school, hospital, patients, food and the weather here in Seattle." Diana tread slowly to answer his question.

  
  
"It got boring pretty quickly, don't you think?"

  
  
"Yep. Guess it then, I'll tell you if you're right or wrong. There's only two options anyways." Diana said, saying yes or no is boring.

  
  
"Hmmm," Poe took his time. Acting like he's thinking his answer hard. He already has one. He's just confirming his theory about Ben Solo whose pen is hovering in the paper. Not writing a single thing.

  
  
For shits and giggles, Poe said the opposite answer. "I think you have somebody waiting for you in your apartment."

  
  
Interestingly enough, Diana dragged her answer. Looking at him incredulously. "Really? Do I look like I'm in a relationship of some sort?"

  
  
"I take you as someone who has already someone and is ready to settle." Poe teased her.

  
  
That earned him a light swat in his arm. "I don't know if that's a compliment or an insult. And I don't want to know. Poe, we're first year surgical interns. The answer is right there."

  
  
"So it's a no then? No relationships." Hux said. Diana turned around with her eyebrows confusedly raised, _is it really that interesting?_

  
  
"Ummm, okay this," She waved her hands at them. "is becoming real weird real fast. And yes, I haven't been in a relationship since 1st year med school. The break up was so nasty that I'm scared to do the whole dating thing again. Thank God we're doctors."

  
  
That's another joke for them. It is the assumption that they hair will be grey or white the time that they are going to be fully-licensed surgeons. And that will be their time to finally enter in a relationships. Best career, zero in love life. Sex life? It can't be zero. But it can really be complicated. There are few relationships that survive in med school through internship. It's a few with a rare success rate, but it's there.

  
  
"How about you Poe? Are you in a relationship?" It was her turn to ask the question.

  
  
"Negative." He answered right away. Not beating around the bush. "Hux, how about you?" Poe moved his head forward to look at his co-intern.

  
  
They both know the answer to that already.

  
  
"No." _Not yet._

  
  
"Solo? How about you?" Poe asked him last who carried on with his paperwork. "You do relationships? Girlfriends?"

  
  
"I don't do the girlfriends thing." He sucked the inside of his right cheek. His writing became faster.

  
  
"Boyfriends then." Poe continued

  
  
"No. I don't do the whole relationship thing." Ben has been saying to himself that it's a waste of time.

  
  
"We have yet to ask Rose. But until then, Kanata's group is a bunch of single interns." Poe have come to a conclusion. And it's not about their relationship status.

\---

"Can I get some more lap pads?" Dr. Pryde asked, in the middle of operating Mr. Emmatt's trachea with Ben standing beside him. Watching and learning after giving the surgeon his request.

"Everything good down there Dr. Pryde?" Amilyn Holdo inquired, working on Mr. Emmatt's brain, Diana on stand-by. Interested and impressed on Holdo's work.

The forehead of the cardiothoracic surgeon pinched, wrinkles forming. "No, Dr. Holdo. I'm just seeing a partial tear in his aorta. I'm going to have to enlarge the incision to get to the aorta. Turn him on his back and redress." The hands of the doctor are holding something tightly inside the patient.

"His pressure's bottomed out." She said the Pryde. Disallowing him for his request. They are operating two main organs at the same time, they can't compromise. "Can you get control down there?" Holdo continued.

"I know, I know he's crashing. And this laceration's getting bigger by the second. Dr. Solo, help me turn him. Let's see if you've done your homework and tell me what you should do to help." Pryde said. The patient's heart is an absolute mess and the surgeon is doing the best he can to juggle the aortic and trachea injuries. A pairs of extra hands is needed. "I'll unclamp and let me what you see."

"There's still a lot of bleeding Dr. Pryde. I'll place a partial occluding clamp." Ben said, lending the attending physician a hand as he speak.

"Proceed."

That stopped the bleeding and Dr. Pryde continued to operate on the trachea more freely this time. "Good, what's next procedure Dr. Solo?" 

"Sutures. 4-0 Prolene."

"Good. I've got it from here. Hold his trachea for me as I suture him."

There monitor became stable second by second. "Excellent work Dr. Solo. That should hold once we get a few more in there."

"Thank you sir." With Pryde's permission, Ben pulled up his protected-hands. The white latex glove now smeared with the crimson. He gave him some space as the doctor continued to operate. For a split second, his eyes batted to Diana. In deep concentration as he watch Holdo, answering the sporadic questions the surgeon throws once in a while.

\---

Diana barely had her both eyes open as she trudged to the on-call room. The surgery took almost three hours. At the homestretch Diana had to pinch herself and stretch her neck from left to right.

  
  
The on-call rooms have the most drab color in the entire world. The colors of the wall are off eggshell white. Fully vacant and empty. No paintings to add a little color. Sheets are strewn all over the bed, the last user didn't even bother on fixing it. Hospital don't usually go ham to fund the on-call rooms, there are much other things to fund other than the napping place of the doctors. Most of the times anyways, they can't even use the purpose of the rooms, doctors can fall asleep anywhere they want. There is no obstacle in achieving a 5-min nap.

  
  
She began to remove her stethoscope, placing it in the wooden table across the bunk bed. Diana went to shrug off her coat, eyes in the brink of closing only to be pulled apart quickly when she turned around to put her coat in the stand.

  
  
Diana almost crashed with the chest standing in front of her when she turned around. Ben Solo is with her in the small space with a bunk bed pushed on to the side, also in the middle of taking of his coat.

  
  
"Why are you here?" She asked. Genuinely confused. She leaned close to him, brushing his arm as she hang her coat behind Ben.

  
  
"Diana, are you pulling my leg? We were both in on the same surgery." Not in his usual piqued manner, Ben did the same thing to his coat and proceeded to take off his stethoscope. Placing it neatly beside hers.

  
  
The room is really small. But with Ben Solo walking around, removing his things, it became two times smaller than it already was.

  
  
Their hospital phones clunked in the table as they take it off. The two interns are both tired, their proximity has never been this close before without verbally attacking each other. The first of many things.

  
  
Ben let out a long, worn-out exhale. Carding his long fingers through his hair that managed to still look good even after being covered by a surgical mask after a few good ruffles.

  
  
"You be on top. I call dibs on the bottom bunk." Diana said faintly. Rubbing her eyes after removing her eyeglasses.

  
  
He didn't answer for a few seconds. He turned around, "Fine. Whatever works for you." Ben didn't put up a fight. 

  
  
They both just wanted a few-minute nap. Minds and body spent after a long and scary surgery. Their shift is nowhere from being done. Diana covered her eyes with her forearm, sleep coming at her in an instant. After regaining some energy for sure they'll be back in their old selves. The _can't-stop-arguing-at-each-other-until-Rose-puts-them-on-time-out_ selves.


	6. A Different Façade

**Chapter Six: A Different Façade**

At nightfall, Alderaan Grace Hospital is quieter than day. In the waiting rooms where visitors and families wait, the sleek couches are empty. Newspapers are disposed, to be replaced by a latest one for the morning. In the grand opening of the institution, nothing but security and administrative staff doing overtime work cross its shiny, magnificent halls. The maintenance staff has already gone home for the day, tall glass windows and tiles shines brightly in the night.  
  
The hospital looks quiet from the outside looking in. But taking closer look, we see its true form. Institutions like AGH never really sleeps, it never stops from running. At the back end of the building- nurses, interns and resident doctors are taking their shifts. The hallways could be a little quieter than usual, but it's never a total radio silence. They are attentive. Always up in their toes, prepared for anything that might happen.  
  
The sleeping modern architecture of Alderaan Grace Hospital is a façade. To blend in to the starry night of Seattle.  
  
At night comes the PM rounds. The scut work, such as drawing of stat labs. That is what Diana is in the middle of doing tonight, putting in orders for the nurses for the patients they're monitoring. Diana just had a good talk with one.

  
  
"Can we up the dosage to 5 cc? Let's just keep it that way for the next 8 hours. Let'see how the body will respond then we can change the medications. Thank you." She smiled at the nurse.

  
  
The older woman took a nod. "Yes, Dr. Montgomery."

  
  
Diana moved on, grabbing another file from the edge of the bed. Checking the performance of another patient. At the bed next to hers, she heard someone talked.

  
  
"Patient 412 got post-op pneumonia. Let's start antibiotics." It was Dr. Bazine Netal. Ordering the nurse with a cocky attitude.

  
  
But upon hearing her words, the nurse is not convinced that it's pneumonia. "Are you sure that's the right diagnosis?"

  
  
Bazine did a double take at the nurse, offended that someone questioned her decision. "Well I don't know. I'm only an intern. Here's an idea: why don't you go spend four years in med school and then let me know of it's the right diagnosis? She's short of breath, she's got fever, she's post-operation. Start the antibiotics!"

  
  
Her snappy voice made Diana's shoulders flinched as she's still looking at her patient's chart.  
  
The nurse backed off and went to get the necessary fluids to follow the intern's order. Insulted.

  
  
Bazine turned on her left where Ben Solo is also doing his post-op rounds, hearing the whole thing go down. The nurse isn't still out of earshot when she began to talk to him. "God, nurses always got something to say. Right?" Her voice became soft and flirty.

  
  
_Really did she just tell him that?_ Diana thought. Ben took his time to lift his head from the chart. And when he got the chance to look at Bazine, Diana took the chance to say something.

  
  
"You know it's not always pneumonia." Ben and Bazine's head snapped to their right. "I mean she could be splinting. Or have a P.E." Diana continued, listing the other possible diagnosis. She didn't know the patient, a suggestion can only do so much at this point.

  
  
Bazine took a painfully long time to stare at her, eyes judgingly trailed from her feet to her head. After staring Diana down, she looked back to Ben. Attempting to make conversation again. "Like I said, I hate nurses."

  
  
But Diana is not having any of it. "You know the 5 W's right?"

  
  
Ben's eyes are still at his co-intern.

  
  
Bazine turned around again, extremely pissed at her for interrupting. After a long beat, she asked, "Are you a nurse?" Her head is tilted to the side, pretending like Diana is not wearing the same white coat as hers.

  
  
"No. I am not."

  
  
"Okay I thought you are be-" before she got the chance to say something. Her pager beeped.

  
  
"Damn it." She sharply said, untucking the pager to her side to look at the number. Someone needs her. "I'll see you around Ben." Her slender physique exited the room like a model in a runway. Throwing Diana a sharp glance on her way out as a signal that they're not done yet.

  
  
" _Oookay_." She whispered, her eyes shifted to the side then continued in writing the orders.

  
  
"You just say what's on your mind, don't you?" Ben put back the file on the sleeve at the end of the bed. His huge palms pushed his coat so he can rest them to the side of his scrubs. A hint of amusement in his eyes.

  
  
"Am I wrong? I only told her that it's not always pneumonia. Dr. Netal was the only who took it the wrong way." Diana did the same with the file. She removed her eyeglasses and wiped it clean. Ben who is 5 feet away from her become a huge blurry figure.

  
  
"Does her name ring any bells to you? Netal? Bazine Netal?" Ben asked, taking one long stride to her co-intern as she was in the middle of wiping her glasses.

  
  
At first, Diana has no idea. It just happened that Rose was the one who indirectly introduced the intern to her.  
  
———  
  
_"Do you guys know her? Bazine Netal. The one who looks like a model." Rose said, the three of them was in the middle of drawing patient labs._

  
  
_"No, I've only seen her once or twice. Always batting her eyes at Solo. Always smiling. Why? What's the 411?" Poe is standing between his two female interns. Always intrigued with the hospital whispers and gossips. It's one of the small things that keeps them sane._

  
  
_Rose leaned her elbow on the table, scooting closer to her friends. "Ben is not the only royalty here. She's the daughter of the big-time doctor who teaches medicine at Delphi Kloda. She's not as famous as Ben, but still there's some doctor blood running through her veins."_

  
  
_"Really? Did you hear that on the other interns?" Diana put down her pen to listen. She can't afford to mess up the labs. That's a 60-second long reprimand to Kanata who's going to check it thoroughly later._

  
  
_Their co-intern tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. "Actually, no. We graduated from the same med school."_

  
  
_"Columbia University?" Poe looked at her. Recalling Rose's med school_

_._  
  
_Something sad flickered in Rose's eyes. A melancholic memory zipping through her mind. "Uh-huh, um, yeah."_

  
  
_"Hey, are you okay?" Poe and Diana became concerned._

  
  
_"Yeah, I'm okay. It's just-" She stopped halfway. Unsure in the last minute if it's a good idea to tell it to her friends._

  
  
_"Rose, you can tell us." Poe lightly rubbed their friend's back. Giving her the strength to say it. She became the shock-absorbent of them three._  
  
_Rose Tico is a very good listener, among many other things the girl possesses. She never misses a beat to spare a minute to stop and listen. People with long medical experience advised them that it's better to talk your co-interns for they exactly know what you feel. It helps them cope up with the stressful environment. In that advice, Rose is in the other side. The essential. The listener. But she's never great at saying what SHE feels. A selfless act that most oftentimes result to a catastrophic breakdown when the feelings got pent-up. So it's Poe and Diana's job to continuously push their friend to talk to them._

  
  
_"Did you guys have a hard time fixing your portfolio to get here in AGH?" Rose started to talk._

  
  
_Fourth year med-school students needed to have a strong portfolio of good grades and outstanding practical performance to get accepted in the hospital of their choice for their internship. Alderaan Grace Hospital sifts their choices thoroughly, only the best of the best. Out of thousands and hundreds of applicants applied, it all came down to 20 interns._

  
  
_"Oh for sure. It was hell to me. Almost half of my class wanted to go here. It was a bloodbath." Poe groaned, remembering what he's been through as he told his experience._

  
  
_"Same goes to me. I have a practical that didn't go well and that almost costed me my internship here." Diana said hers, her professor's words rang through her mind._

  
  
_"Me too. But, um, it sucked because I barely made the cut to get in this program. I've done everything with all my might to have a squeaky clean portfolio to please the doctors and they still put me on the waiting list?"_

  
_"What? Are you kidding?" Diana is livid. "I've seen your theoreticals and practicals when Kanata ordered me to file our portfolios for her. You were amazing!" She really is. One of her professor's comment to her simulation practicals is that Rose has a very light and calculated fingers- perfect for surgeries when trained. Her grades, like the five of them, is the cookie-cutter acceptance of AGH. Why was she put into the waiting list_

  
_The side of her cheeks flushed. "I've always thought that for so long." Rose anxiously played with her fingers. "But then I just realized that somebody used their royal card to buy my place."_

  
  
_"It's her. Bazine." Diana concluded. Anger slowly igniting inside her._

  
  
_A nod came out from Rose, confirming her words. "Do you know how I realized? I was walking back from the labs when I found her antagonizing some nurse. She said that she couldn't start a central line for her patient because her patient has bulky, gigantic veins. A central line!"_

  
  
_A wave of giggles came out from the three of them. Starting a central line is a procedure of placing a thick tube to give a patient large amount of fluids that allows it to flow through their system faster. That's a simple procedure and some daughter of a known doctor couldn't do it._  
  
_This is what Diana hated in their field. For sure it happens to every single profession. Many people spend blood, sweat and tears to get into state-of-the-art institutions of their choice. But some preppy rich kid doesn't even break a sweat to get in because they have their privilege card. Or what Diana calls the royalty card. A shiny, VIP, all-access plaque that could get you anywhere._

  
  
_"I'm sorry that happened to you Rose. But don't think that she's better than you, because clearly she's not. I'm pretty sure her privilege will expire once they found out that she can't do a simple procedure. Just remember that she can't even start a central line and you can." Diana reached out the table to hold the hand of her friend._

  
  
_"That's absolutely right. Our Rose here can even do it with her eyes closed!" Poe supported. Clutching Rose's arm gently._

  
  
_"Okay, I know she can do it. But that could get you in deep trouble."_

  
  
_"Poe Dameron, you're always up to no good." Rose who's feeling a little better ruffled Poe's curly hair._

  
  
_"Somebody has to or else we will lose our goddamn minds here."_  
  
  
  
"Aside from being a cowboy intern?" Diana shoved her hands to the front pockets of her coat. "Nothing important. I just know that she's another trust-fund baby."

  
  
The existence of a cowboy intern is essential. They balance the force. Those are the type of interns that are OVERLY-confident with their diagnosis and their egos are too high that when someone offers them a hand, it offends them. 

  
  
" _Another?_ " Ben's voice is frigid. He already knows the context of her sentence.

  
  
"Yeah. She's the daughter of that famous doctor from Delphi Kloda right? Then she must know how to treat the nurses right. They're very essential for our career. They literally know everything from A to Z. Nurses are always first in the scene before us." She pushed her glasses back to her face, giving her a much better eyesight. Noticing that her tall, calmly confident co-intern is a little closer than he used to be.

  
  
Ben took a step. 4 feet apart. "A shrink, a detective and now a preacher. Dr. Montgomery you keep surprising me. What are you really?" His voice dripped in a low, confusing contemptuous manner.

  
  
"A surgeon. Always has been."

  
  
"Oh, you're a surgeon, okay. Alright." He quickly said. His tone mocking her answer as he nodded over and over.

  
  
"You, out of all people, know what I'm talking about." Her feet are glued to the ground, not wavering.

  
  
Ben's eyes roamed around her face. His lips, as red as a ripe fig, quivered. "Are you comparing me to her?"

  
  
Diana didn't respond. Truth be told, Diana looks at all of them the same. Nepotism. It puts a bad taste to her mouth.

  
  
When Ben noticed that she will not answer, he put another question out in the open. "Were you expecting something from me then?" He sounded that he really wanted to know.

  
  
"Sorry. I didn't have one." Wrong. She definitely has one. She saw Leia many times through videos online. That kind of personality is hard to fake all through these years. Diana expected that her son has that same welcoming attitude. She was wrong. Atleast not at her.

  
  
The stance of the young doctor became a little aggressive. _Did I hit a nerve?_ Diana asked herself. "Everyone's got an expectation to the son of the glorified surgeon of the West Coast. I get it. Now tell me, what did you expect from me?" He another took a step, his hands waved as he talked.

  
  
"I already told you that I don't have one. And if I have one, does it really matter to you? Aren't you used to not give a shit about that already?" She lifted her chin to meet his gaze.

  
  
His tongue clicked. Ben Solo stopped advancing. His huge white sneakers halted, almost inches away from hers. Then he blinked, assessing his proximity. His eyelids flickered, like he just went somewhere and recently just came to his senses. "Yeah," He cleared his throat. Ben could smell the clean scent of Clinique Happy in Diana's coat. "You're so right." Ben uttered.  
  
——

  
  
The morning light electrified every single corner of the hospital. Every floor has people walking back and forth, the couches are once again occupied. Elevators going up and down, transferring people everywhere they choose to go, never being stagnant.

  
  
"If that psych intern twirled the ends of her hair, buy me that tiny tiramisu in the canteen. I've always wanted to try that." Poe said, watching intently.

  
  
"I'll take that bet. If she laughs then touched his arms. Buy me that fancy pizza. Not that kind Diana likes, it tastes like cardboard."

  
  
"Hey." Her voice is mildly offended because somebody talked bad about her favorite, cardboard-flavored pizza. "I like that pizza."

  
  
"We know." They said at the same time. Their eyes are not leaving the on-going scenario across the room. A psych intern cornered Ben Solo, his hands tucked in the pockets of his coat. Talking politely to the woman who's grinning at him. The blonde intern looked so interested, nodding vigorously as Ben talks.

  
  
"How many seconds do you bet? In the arm touching?" Poe raised the stakes.

  
  
Rose took it, not backing down. "If it stayed for more than 3 seconds buy me a milkshake. Vanilla."

  
  
"You got yourself a deal Rose. Diana, come on, you have to play the game eventually." Poe lightly shove her shoulders. His eyes not daring to leave the scene as it unfolds. Scared to miss the part that will win him a tiramisu and possibly a milkshake.

  
  
"Nuh-uh, count me out. I'm a spectator. The mediator to you both. That means I get to taste the fancy pizza, tiramisu and milkshake." Diana rubbed her hands together.

  
  
"That's the 3rd person that approached him in just an hour." Poe said in bewilderment. The appendectomy felt like so long ago, yet Ben Solo's impact is still out there like a wildfire.

  
  
"The man loves it." Diana rolled her eyes. "Pretty sure he loves being called The Prince of Alderaan."

  
  
"Oh hush. Look at his face, the man is literally screaming help. He's just being polite to turn them down." Poe defended their cornered fellow intern who scratched the back of his head.

  
  
The blonde intern started to raise her manicured hands. Diana's two friends started to lean more, watching like a hawk. It went past to the tips of her hair, Poe is out. Then her head leaned back with her mouth open. Laughing hard and placed her palm on Ben's left arm.

  
  
1\. . . 2. . . 3. . . 4 then she peeled it off.

  
  
Poe winced as he lose the bet while Rose pumped her fist in the air. "A slice of fancy pizza AND a milkshake. Now that's lunch!"

  
  
"Jeez, she really liked what she heard huh. Is he really that funny?" Diana shook her head, talking about the girl in front of Ben Solo. She pulled out a pen in her breast pocket and began twirling it.

  
  
"Surprisingly, Ben is really funny. He's cracked some jokes to me before. I really laughed at them." Rose turned her head to look at her friends now that the scene is over.

  
  
"For real?" For some reason, Diana couldn't believe what her friend just said. "The genuine "really funny" laugh or the "pitiful that's so bad" laugh?"

  
  
"I'm going with the genuine "really funny" one. He's the type of person that digs the dark humor type."

  
  
"Yeah, I noticed that too. Very, , ," Poe waved his hand to find the right word to explain Ben's humor. "Very deadpan, like he's not trying too hard to be funny. Like it comes to him naturally."

  
  
"You guys joke at each other?" Diana is flabbergasted. She has this feeling that she's missing something.

  
  
The two doesn't looked surprised with her question.

  
  
"Yeah. It's just like how you joke with the rest of us, except with Ben. You two never really talk." Rose explained.

  
  
"Hey, we talk." Whether Diana wanted it or not. But unfortunately, she has to. But she's trying her best to prevent it.

  
  
"Eh. I wouldn't call that talking." Rose titled her head to the side. "If you said hiss, I might agree."

  
  
"Oh, yeah. Definitely hissing. Diana couldn't even call him by his first name." He approved Rose's word choice.

  
  
"We are not on the first name basis." Diana defended.

  
  
"But to him looks like you are. You really have to pull all of your energy to call him Dr. Solo without making a face and a tone when we're with Kanata." Poe let out a guffaw that he started to cough. Diana and Rose smacked his back to help him.

  
  
"Oh my goodness Poe. And when does he call me by my first name? I really don't catch it."

  
  
Poe is still recovering so Rose answered. "When you really started to push it with him. When you're getting him all worked up." She laughed a little, remembering their faces when it happens. "You don't notice?"

  
  
Diana shook her head. She never does.

  
  
The coughing finally stopped. Poe knew that she doesn't notice a lot of things.

  
  
"Okay I really need to study for my scrub in with Pryde." Rose started to open her journal.

  
  
"What, again? You studied the whole morning." Poe said, surprised.

  
  
"Yeah, but I'm still not feeling prepared. Do you guys have notes on Aortic Valve Replacement? That's the surgery I'm watching." She flipped through her pages once again, not satisfied with the amount of her notes.

  
  
Diana shook her head sadly, unable to help her friend. "A valve replacement? No, sorry I haven't been able to scrub in with that kind of surgery."

  
  
Poe did the same action. "Me too. But I think Ben already scrubbed in to one. Armie told me, maybe you could ask him."

  
  
"Okay I'll do that. See you later guys! With my pizza and milkshake waiting for me."

  
  
"Alright. I'll make sure Poe will get it for you." Diana waved.

  
  
  
Rose went to Ben who's now on the other side of the table across them. From Diana and Poe's position, they could hear them quite well.

  
"Ben, hey. Armie told me that you've seen a valve replacement with Pryde. I'm having one later. Do you have notes that could help me?" Rose is holding her journal. She really wanted to enter the OR without any doubts.

  
  
It didn't take a second for Ben to answer, he pulled out his own brown journal from his pocket and started flipping it. "Oh, hello. Sure, I've written down some. I assure you that you're going to enjoy that operation. Here you go."

  
  
"Thanks! I'm not sure I'm going to have fun though. I'm quite scared with Pryde. I'm afraid I'll stutter in the OR when he asked me some questions." She reached the small notebook and began comparing the information her co-intern have written down.

  
  
"No, don't be. Just stick to the facts of the whole procedure. Be strongly familiar with and and you'll get through it. He just likes to ask difficult questions that is very irrelevant to the surgery to throw you off. To get into your nerves, you know. Try to disregard it." Ben began to give Rose suggestions that he learned, willing to help his co-intern.

  
"Okay. I'll keep that in mind. Does Pryde likes to..."

  
  
The two began it delve into the complexities of the surgery. Ben didn't hold back to share his tricks to help Rose, his hands moves as he talks. Rose on the other hand absorbed as much as she can, learning a lot from her co-intern. Her friend. She sporadically talks, asking a more detailed questions.  
  
Just like Poe said, Diana's observation is hawk-like when it comes to their career. But she tends to miss a lot of things outside of that area. But that moment, without looking at them, she noticed that Ben Solo never hesitates to help someone when needed. Whether if it's a handkerchief when there's no tissue paper or when a co-intern is in need of a supplementary information and notes for the afternoon surgery. Ben Solo asked her if she's comparing him to Bazine Netal, if she got to answer, she would say yes. Because it's not enough for them to be someone's daughter or son to finish the race. Ben Solo possesses intelligence and camaraderie that Netal doesn't seem to have.


	7. Written In The Stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's too early to say this in the story but I was quite shocked that people are really reading this story. Thank you for giving this a chance xx

**Chapter Seven: Written In The Stars**

"D'you know the I wanted to be a pilot when I was a kid?" Poe is siting beside her on the bench, tying the laces of his white hospital sneakers twice. They really needed to use those professional clogs soon.

Poe just finished tucking his beeper and hospital phone to the side of his scrubs before going over to the bench with Diana who is in the middle of slurping her first cup of coffee for the day (the start to the indefinite amount of her caffeine intake). They are the first ones that made it to their lockers this morning. The other three still have 20 minutes left to prepare before Kanata started banging the metallic lockers to start the day. No rush.

  
  
Diana winced as she took a sip, the fresh hot coffee scalding the tip of her tongue. Her legs are on the both sides of the narrow bench. "What prevented you from doing that? That's a cool job."

  
  
Poe is still bent down as he get her an answer. "Hmmm, I really don't know. I've always wanted to fly a plane since I can remember. But one time during high school it just dawned on me that I wanted to be a doctor. To save lives. That's also cool."

  
  
"It is really is huh. What kind of pilot? The pilot that in the airlines or those pilot that do some intense dogfight in the sky?"

  
  
After tying his shoelaces tightly, Poe stood up and went to his locker again to put on his white coat and ID. "Both. But those air battles looked so intense that I wanted to try it."

  
  
Diana removed her black stethoscope that has been hanging around her shoulder and put the earpiece on and placed the diaphragm to her chest. Taking a look if her heart is beating faster than the usual, a sign that the caffeine has already entered her system.

  
  
"A fighter pilot? I could definitely imagine you wearing an orange jumpsuit with those white things around your chest. Very groovy." Diana chuckled, hearing and feeling her voice in the earpiece.

  
  
"Very fashionable too I must say."

  
  
Few minutes later, numerous stomps are heard outside the locker room. Rose is the first one to enter, bright and shiny as ever. Diana is still debating if she already had coffee, she's betting that her friend had at least one before going to the hospital.

  
  
"Hey guys!"

  
  
Her voice pierced through Diana's earpiece, pulling the instrument out quickly to save her sense of hearing.

  
  
"Woah, somebody have their caffeine too early in the morning." Poe teasing as he leans on his locker, rubbing his ear with his pinky finger.

  
  
"That's not coffee," Rose explained her heightened emotions. "That's the sugar rush taking its toll."

  
  
Ben and Armie followed, each of them carrying white boxes on their arms. The scent of warm vanilla wafted in the closed perimeters of the room. For a second they thought that they are not in the hospital, preparing to see patients in just a few minutes. Poe and Diana's noses followed the imaginary trail of the delicious smell that ended up in the boxes the two men are carrying.

  
  
Armie, wanting to earn brownie points to Rose for chivalry, is carrying three boxes. While Ben tried his best to be a wingman and is carrying two.

  
  
"What's the occasion? Is it somebody's birthday today?" Diana asked. Giving their co-intern with majestic waves of a hair a subtle glance because since she's on the last place on getting to know Ben Solo, he might be celebrating his today.

  
  
Even his casual outfit looks so expensive. To cozy up in the Seattle morning air, Ben Solo is wearing a dark blue sweater with a lighter hue of blue dress shirt under it. Its collars neatly peeking out in the neck. The black leather straps of his Breightling Navitimer cover his wrist. If someone sees Ben Solo walking in the streets, doctor would be the last on the list if they guessed his profession. Actor? Yes. A model? Most definitely. Doctors with appearance like Ben only exist in movies. Pretty sure he has heard that many times now.

  
  
"My mother and my sister surprised me last night. They will be here for a week to look around Seattle. Go see the Needle. We spent the entire night baking. It was fun." Rose thanked the two and started putting on her scrubs.  
  
It looked like they really had fun. The total five boxes of baked goods are the evidence of that. The whole room smelled like the bakery Diana likes to visit once in a while.

  
  
"Rose these looks like it could feed the whole floor." Diana told her friend in awe as she opened one box. Homemade scones.

  
  
"My mom is worried about the food we're eating here. She said it's ironic that we're doctors now but we still eat like we're in college. Go ahead Diana, get one. Ben reserved one blueberry muffin." Rose laughed as she tied her hair.

  
  
"Don't mind if I do." Poe said. Instead of Diana getting one from the box, he took the liberty of getting one for himself.

  
  
"Do you guys know that Poe wanted to be a pilot when he was young?" Diana held Poe's wrist to take a bite of the scone.

  
  
It is delicious. A flaky buttery goodness with a hint of sweet tanginess. She immediately said her compliments to the matriarch of the Tico sisters.

  
  
"Ben's dad is a pilot." Armie said, patting his friend on the back. The Han Solo, living legend on his expertise of flying an aircraft. Ben Solo's father made a legacy when he made the Kessel Run in just 12 parsecs. Even though the captain of the Millenium Falcon is already retired, no one can come even that close to beat his record.

  
  
"Tell us that you got to fly the Millenium Falcon Ben. Somebody got to live my teenage dream." Poe wiped his mouth, crumbs and flakes of the pastries rained on the floor.

  
  
It is no doubt that Ben could fly an aircraft. He spent his childhood in the hospital because her father is always away. But when he's with them, they make flying their father-and-son bonding. He became pretty good at it.

  
  
"When I was little, yeah. He'd pretend that I was the one who's flying it. But I learned a thing or two about flying using other aircraft." Without any indication of being boastful, Ben told his co-interns a little something about himself. Maybe because it's the smell of the pastries Rose bought that made him open up. Diana is still not used on hearing Ben's voice when he's talking to their friends- not snarling or throwing some witty comebacks. But when she heard him talk a bit about himself astounded her, like the person who never fails to give her a hard time is not with them.

  
  
"Rose how about you? What did the 13 year old Rose Tico wanted to be?" Poe continued to enjoy the flaky pastry.

  
  
She clipped her ID badge on her coat. "I wanted to be an engineer because that's what my sister was studying in college. I thought her big rulers and protractor were cool. But I hated math so... Tell us about yours Armie." Rose gave him a sweet, confectionery smile.  
  
Armie's ears slowly tinged of red. He looked at Ben asking his friend if he can share the story to them. _Affirmative_. "Back in college. Our professor, Dr. Snoke, really wanted Ben to lead our class. But he really doesn't talk much so he'd ask me to be the one to disseminate it. I joked that if we're not in med school Ky— Ben would be the commander then I'm the general." Armie coughed then continued, "How about you Diana?"

  
  
"Well my mom is a lawyer so the people that know me thought that I'd go in the same direction but I didn't." Maybe the familiar scent of fresh baked good didn't have any effect on Diana this morning because that all she said.

  
"What that's it? Don't be shy tell us more." Poe urged her to continue. "Diana Montgomery, MD. Surgery. Into fast cars? Loves long walk on the beach and sunset?" He said it ike he's reading off some dating profile.

  
  
"Fast cars make me nauseous. And being a true doctor that I am, I hate sand. It gets everywhere."

  
  
**Time's up**. They heard it before they even saw it. The intense Dr. Maz Kanata entered the locker room.

  
  
"Rounds started 20 seconds ago people. Are we having a get-to-know-each-other activity or something here?"

  
  
Everybody stood up in attention. Apparently that is what's happening in the moment.

  
  
Rose slowly picked up the open box, putting it near to their resident doctor to let her see what's inside. Kanata's eyes are still squinted and fixed on her five interns, but she could smell it.

  
  
"Scones ma'am? My mother baked them. She said to give one box to you." Rose asked their resident carefully. They all knew that the resident told them that they shouldn't bother sucking up to her on their first day of internship. But even after many times Rose told that to her mom and sister, they left her with no choice.

  
  
The oldest doctor in the room didn't move a muscle. Then only for a second, she gazed down. "Leave it to the nurse's reception. Tell them no one touches it because its for me." Without another word, she left the room and started walking.

  
  
They were stunned. Gaping at each other to make sure that they all see what happened. _What was in that pastries Rose bought?_

  
  
The doctor is already a few feet away when they started walking for go for their morning rounds.

  
  
"Tell us your middle name then. We can start with that." Poe continued to ask Diana. Lending an invisible hand to someone.

  
  
"Why would you like to know my middle name?" She didn't look back, fixing her sight on the marching surgeon ahead of them.

  
  
"You just went on last time that you knew our middle names because Kanata made you sort our files before. It's kind of scary actually. It's unfair that you know ours but we don't know what's yours." Armie said beside her. He's the most scarred one in Diana's little game last week. If Armitage is his first name, his middle name is much much more controversial.

  
  
"We have the whole shift for you to guess. It's not as intense as Armie though, I'll give you that." She threw her redhead co-intern an evil side grin.

  
  
"Marie?" Poe began to guess immediately.

  
  
"I like that you went for the most common one. No. Do I look like a Marie?"

  
  
"You look like a Louise to me. Are you a Louise?" Rose said her guess. Catching up behind Diana.

  
  
"Women who have Louise in their name are those girls who are a little shy. Diana here is a feisty one. I'm going with Victoria?" Poe told her.

  
  
"Good guess but no. Very regal for me."

  
  
After the morning rounds, Maz Kanata began disseminating their positions for the day. Armie is with Dr. Holdo today, Rose is with Dr. Pryde, Poe is going with Dr. Tano, while the two are on the way to the pit with her.

  
  
The signal whoops of the paramedic vehicle is still on going when the three went outside of the emergency room.

  
  
"Alright talk to me." The collected Maz Kanata said as a medic unloaded a patient. Her two interns are listening by her side.

  
  
"Jason Grievous. 32. Unrestrained driver in a rear-end collision. There was spider webbing on the front windshield where his head hit. BP's 120 palp. Pulse 75." The medic said the situation of the patient as they rolled him inside.

  
  
Another vehicle pulled over.

  
  
"Montgomery get that one. Run me the case over when I'm done with this." Dianne followed the doctor's wishes and received the another incoming patient. "Well, Solo, what do you want to do with this?"

  
  
"Primary and secondary survey. Head CT and and X-Ray." Ben said as he assessed the injuries of the bloodied patient.

  
  
"Okay. Page Dr. Holdo when you get there for me. Montgomery, what do you got?" The experienced surgeon turned to her, ready to write the injuries of the patient assigned to Diana.

  
  
"Nikki Binks, 30, erratic BP in the field. Complaining of chest and leg pain."

  
  
"Did they say what happened to her?" Kanata took out her stethoscope and began listening to her pulse.

  
  
"People saw her took a fall in the tree at the park." Diana explained as they both share look. As doctors, nothing surprises them anymore when they hear the reasons of the patients that led them rolling to the hospital. Whether it's very absurd to hear it, people can do very unusual things.

  
  
"Uh, right. Okay. How do you want to proceed Montgomery?"

  
  
"X-Ray to get to look the at chest and leg pain. And a CT Scan for the fall doctor."

  
  
"Okay. Dr. Solo!" Kanata raised her voice for her intern to hear who's already on his way to the elevator. "Be time-efficient. I don't need one of you waiting for another elevator. Go with Dr. Montgomery to the X-Ray and CT scan together since that's the same procedure for both of your patients. And I need you to get back here in the pit. Stat."

  
———  
  
Diana could carry a conversation to anyone. To her neighbor, to the bus driver, to the nurses. It doesn't take much effort to say something about the day. But when it comes to Ben Solo, even though they have the same patients and they are in the same cluster and have the same group of friends, she can't come up with a single idea for something to tell him.

  
  
But there are a lots of things she could say actually. But she's blinded by the exasperation Ben accumulated through the weeks and months now. On the other hand, Ben Solo has also got a lot to say to share a conversation with her. At that moment he could give a name to guess her middle name. But he couldn't. And he wouldn't. Like they are back in time where the two are standing beside each other in the elevator as it take them to the floor where they had their first argument about the "flow of the floor". It's just that this time, they didn't need to fight over who's going to pull the stretcher.

  
  
"Doctor?"

  
  
"Yes?" The said at the same time.

  
  
It was Diana's patient, Nikki Binks. She's been saying over and over again that she shouldn't have gone to the park today because her horoscope told her so. But she did anyways. Nikki noticed Ben's eyes has been sweeping over Diana's side of the elevator through the whole ride.

  
  
"Are you a Scorpio?" The patient asked.

  
  
Ben doesn't know. He's is a man of science ever since he is welcomed in the world. People leaving their big and important decisions to the formation of the stars doesn't sit well with him. Astrology has been rejected by the scientific community for there is no explanatory power for describing the universe.

  
  
He shook his head to give the patient a straight answer. A strong no.

  
  
"Can I know when's you're birthday then? To know your star sign."

  
  
First time for this day, Diana looked at Ben. A glance that's strictly telling him to not offend her patient who has a different belief with them.

  
  
The two shared a long look before Ben answered the patient. "November 19th."

  
  
Nikki Binks, though in pain, put up a smile. "I got it right then! You are a Scorpio. Doctor, how about you?" She looked up above her stretcher to meet Diana's gaze. "I have an assumption that you're also a Scorpio. But you're open on meeting new people. Only on selective people though."

  
  
She has no idea how did she manage to assume all of that by just laying there. "January 18th."

  
  
"Got it right again! I can literally feel the energy pulsating in the elevator right at this moment." Her laugh is suggestive, inciting a different meaning. "Two very strong signs. Water and Earth. I get it that you're still on the distrust part. But with a Scorpio and a Capricorn it's a slow build up."  
  
———  
  
The post-op is busy at this hour. After covering the emergency room, Maz Kanata ordered her two interns to go to the post-op room as it is packed than usual. Seeing the Chief of Surgeon Lando Calrissian in the same place with the interns rarely happens. But today is not one of those days. The striking leader is checking the patients as well as the performance of his surgeons in the scene to see how well they are working.

  
  
"Excuse me. Hi." Someone interrupted Diana in the middle of her surgical dressing. It was a man, looking apologetically as he stopped Diana in the middle of something. Not a patient.

  
  
Diana just gave him a smile for him to continue.

  
  
"Are you Diana? I've seen the name off your coat but I still want to make sure."

  
  
"Yes. Hi. I'm Diana Montgomery and you are?" She reached out her hand. It's another intern, she doesn't just know in what department or resident he belongs.

  
  
"Finn. Finn Storm. I'm an ortho intern." Finn reached her hand and shook it firmly. An affable smile plastered in his face as he met another intern in the hospital.

  
"Nice to meet you Finn."

  
  
"Are you on the case of Binks? The one who fell in the park?" Dr. Finn Storm asked, crossing his arms in his chest.

  
  
"Yes I'm on that one. You set her legs before the X-Ray right?" Diana asked, recalling his familiar face that she saw almost an hour ago.

  
  
Finn laughed. He did a distraction tactic of talking to the patient earlier before setting her leg to diminish the pain. "I'm the one. Have you got any news on her?"

  
  
"Yeah I just gave Dr. Kanata her CT results. She has a ruptured spleen. Grade 3 lacerations. The doctor said it could even be a four."

  
  
He winced as he heard the patient's diagnosis. "So a surgery will take place?"

  
  
"Eventually yes. But she was really tenacious at first that she didn't want a surgery today because of her horoscope. Dr. Kanata had to be all Kanata on her to give the operation a green light."

  
  
"She really had to see that. I heard Dr. Maz Kanata is ruthless on you guys."

  
  
_Oh. He knows Kanata's ways?_ "Yeah. But she's really caring for us. She just wanted for us learn. Tough love I guess."

  
  
"That's what I heard." Finn pulled something out of his coat pocket. A journal. A very familiar journal that she sees everyday. "I know you're in same field with Poe- Dr. Dameron. Can you give this to him? He might be looking for this."

  
  
Diana realized that Finn Storm maybe the ortho intern Poe "had to fight" for the last chips in the vending machine. "Sure, I'll take care of it. And if you have time please come by to us. Our friend brought a huge amount of pastries and I don't think we can finish it all."

  
  
Finn rubbed the nape of his neck. He is embarassed. "Uh, yeah. I, um, I had a muffin. Poe- Dr. Dameron gave me one."

  
  
Diana just gave him a smile. She leaned in a bit, trying to make Finn a little more comfortable with her. "What's your verdict? I haven't tried to muffin yet. I'm dying to eat one."

  
  
"Oh are you kidding? It's delicious! Go try one later. I swear if the hospital has one of those in canteen I'd buy them everyday." A beat. He suddenly realized that the room is not the suitable place to do this. "I'm sorry I distracted you on your work. Again, it's very nice to meet you Dr. Montgomery. I wish I could talk to you again."

  
  
"I'm looking forward to that. And please, Diana would be fine."

  
  
"Then Finn would also be fine, Diana. I'll see you around."

  
  
"I'll see you around Finn."

  
  
Not a few feet from where Diana is standing, she saw Bazine Netal standing with Chief Calrissian. She was shifting, obviously nervous. A wrong move. Everybody knows that when a superior is around, students or interns musnt show any emotion towards them. Most especially fear. They feed off of them. It only makes them stronger.

  
  
"She's short of breath. Did you get an ABG or chest film?" He's looking through a chart.

  
  
Netal is not at her usual confident-self. She looks so small and unexperienced compared to the Chief. "Yes, sir."

  
  
"And? what did you see?" The voice of the chief is authoritative.

  
  
"Chief I had a lot of patients last night-" Bazine tried to work her way out, but the Chief cut her excuse halfway. She shouldn't have attempted put an excuse in the first place.

  
  
"Name the common causes of post-op fever."

  
  
She opened her mouth but words didn't come out. Bazine reached in for her notes, the pages crinkling as she finds the answer Chief Calrissian wanted to hear.

  
  
"No, no. From your head. Not from your book. You don't look it up, you learn it. It should be in your head."

  
  
"I-" The intern is obviously struggling. And it seems like her notes is not helping her at the moment. She succumbed into fear. Nerves taking over completely. Bazine Netal couldn't give an answer.

  
  
Chief Calrissian asked the whole room for an answer. "Can anybody name the common causes of post-op fever?"

  
  
"The Five W's." Diana isn't the only one who gave an answer. Across the room, Ben Solo said the same.

  
  
"Dr. Solo, tell what consist the Five W's." He asked the male intern first.

  
  
All eyes are on him as the room stood still. "Wind, water, wound, walking and wonder drugs. Most of the time it's wind— splinting or pneumonia. Pneumonia is the easiest too assume."

  
  
If Diana got the chance to explain, she would've said the same exact thing. But as if the Chief heard her thoughts, his body turned to her. "Tell me Dr..."

  
  
"Montgomery, Sir."

  
  
"Tell me Dr. Montgomery what's wrong with Dr. Netal's patient?"

  
  
"The fourth W Dr. Solo just said sir. Walking. She's a prime candidate for a pulmonary embolus."

  
  
The chief is impressed with Kanata's two interns. "What must be done Dr. Solo? With Dr. Montgomery's diagnosis?"

  
  
"Spiral CT, VQ scan. Provide O-2, dose with heparin. Consult for IVC filter sir."

  
  
Diana is not sure she contributed on what happened next. But she's sure that she heard the air getting knocked out off to the lungs of the nurses and other interns in the room when Ben listed all the possible procedures for the diagnosis. If she thought that the Ben Solo craze would fade out, she's entirely wrong. It even got stronger now.

  
  
"Correct." Chief Calrissian gave Bazine Netal a dissatisfied look. Not great for a person who's just starting out. "Do exactly what Solo said. Then go tell your resident that I want you off this case. You two come with me."

The two followed the Head of Surgery outside the room. Perfectly hiding the flattery with a neutral visage.

The chief is smiling at the both of them. Satisfied that he got promising surgeons in the hospital. "I'll give Dr. Maz Kanata a job well done for producing an interns like yourselves. Keep it up."

  
  
The two couldn't form a coherent words. Giving the chief surgeon a thankful nod is enough.

  
  
"Solo, send your mom and your dad my regards." He put his hand on Ben's shoulder, giving it a squeeze.

  
  
"I will Dr. Calrissian."

  
  
He turned his attention the other intern beside Ben. Smiling. "I'm quite surprised when I heard you say your name Dr. Montgomery. The Montgomery's that I know are in the field of law. In Manhattan specifically. Are you related to Minerva Montgomery? She helped us with the trouble the hospital got accused into years ago."

  
  
_Law_. Ben's eyes flew to her when he heard it. He remembered their little game this morning. Diana said that her mother is a lawyer, not giving their friends a lot of information because she closed it right away. He saw Diana almost stopped functioning when the chief uttered the name. She's like a deer caught in headlights.

  
  
So much for not showing any emotions in front of a superior. "Yes sir. She's my mother."

  
  
Dr. Calrissian was surprised. Completely shocked. Minerva Montgomery represented Alderaan Grace Hospital 30 years ago from Endor Case. It was a win. He knows that the ruthless lawyer that helped to save the hospital only has one daughter. The only one that will continue their tradition of being a lawyer.

  
  
He knew he stepped over some minefield the way Diana delivered her answer. That is some private matter that he doesn't need to trifle with. The doctor gave them a curt nod after giving telling them a job well done before leaving them.

  
  
Diana scampered her feet to get back in the room quick. Only to be stopped by someone holding her wrist. It was Ben, clutching it tightly. With his long hands and fingers he enveloped the circumference of her wrist in an instant.

  
  
His palms tightly griped her forearm. "You aren't a nobody like you said you were. You're somebody's daughter." Ben expected some light facts about her today. Like her birthday that was given to him without asking. Or her favorite book. But not this kind of revelation.

  
  
Diana tried to escape his grip. It was useless, she could feel the softness of his skin in her wrist. "No. I'm still a nobody. And everyone's a daughter or son of someone. That's how life works."

  
  
Ben couldn't help to feel relieved and enraged at the same time. The confusion makes him frustrated. "Your mother saved my mother's beloved hospital years ago. That trumps _"my privilege"_ you keep saying."

  
  
"I didn't get to trump anything."

  
  
He pushed himself near to her. Hiding his hand that holds her below them, the fabric of their coats sheathing their tug of war. They are out in the hallway, no one knows that they are in the middle of confrontation. "Oh but you it did. You see, you keep saying that I have these things being handed to me. But turns out that you're the one who had it easier for the both of us."

  
  
She could easily give Ben a fast but effective slap across his cheek that moment. She has the capability to do it. But Diana chose not to. She didn't want the comment of the Chief go into nothing. She won't let her emotion destroy the career that she built on herself.

  
  
"No. No. You don't get to tell me that. You have no idea what I've been through to get here." She tried to let go.

  
  
He only pulled her more into him. "And you have no idea what I've been through to get here as well. So tell me so I could understand."

  
  
"Understand what? I swear to God I will smack if you don't let go of me." Diana tried to sing her words, her teeth gritted as he threatened Ben.

  
  
"Then do it Diana. I will not be the one who'll be rebuked by that. Plus you'll give the nurses a show. They thought we're having a petty fight or something."

  
  
"Ben, back the fuck off. I don't have to explain anything to you." The first time his name left her lips. Yet it was said in a spat.

  
  
He knew it's been bothering her. Ben can see that it rattled her. Like she saw her past life flashed before her eyes. "Don't be scared. I feel it too." He tried to say to her that he's been in that kind of position. It was dreadful and he knows it best for her to tell a little bit of it to someone. Even if that someone is with him. It's a guarantee that it will clear her mind.

  
  
She wriggled her wrist again. No avail. Diana had this inkling that Ben wouldn't let go until she says something. "Your mother's lucky that you wanted to be a surgeon like her. My mother considered herself childless when I went against her wishes to be like her. So if you're thinking I got something off of her for my own advantage, there was none. I had to do everything by myself to be here right now." Diana let out an exasperated sigh as her topple with one another. "I can't believe that I'm even telling you this."

  
  
Satisfied with her answer, his grip became loose. She can yank her hand into freedom. But she didn't, it stayed there. Diana is correct when she said that Ben wanted to be a surgeon like his mother. The disaster happened afterward while he was in his journey of becoming one. "You're a nobody." He stated. An indirect way telling Diana that her secret is safe with her.

  
  
Slowly, calmness started to enter her system. That's what all she cares about. "I am a nobody." She solidified the statement as she repeated the sentence. It's for her. A reminder that she always has and always will be.

  
  
It doesn't sink in to her right away how close they are. She is just inches away from him. Diana realized that he is too close for comfort when it didn't take long for him to lean in next to her ear to say something. "...But not to me."

  
  
Completely, his palm let go from the contact. Ben took a step backward to take a good look at her before going back inside to the room. Diana stood there alone, it will take a minute before she have the energy to push those doors again. This morning, she thought that Rose's pastries won't have any effect on her like it has with Ben, Kanata or Poe and Finn that made them all open up a bit and come out of their shells. It turns out that it also has an effect on her. It was just a delayed reaction.

If they could brave past their facades, Ben and Diana will found out that their lives are not that far from each other. And it's the most perfect topic for a very long conversation.


	8. It's (Not) Superficial

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning: mention of d*ath

**Chapter Eight: It's (Not) Superficial**

Once again huddled in their favorite spot at the end of the unused hallway, the five interns enjoyed the indeterminate amount of their free time to breathe before they can hear one of the beepers go off again. It's the last day of Rose's mother and sister in Seattle, so that means that the pastries they are enjoying at the moment are the last batch before regressing back to the wonderful selection in the vending machine.

  
  
At the moment, Poe is resting his head on Diana's lap as he enjoy the comfort of the long unused mattress of the stretcher while his legs is on Rose's lap. Armie and her are on the another dimension as they talk, exchanging their words so low and quiet, Diana couldn't even hear any of it. Just murmurs and a wave of uncontrolled giggles.

  
  
"Is it, , , Olivia?" He has his eyes closed. Resting it before keeping it on full-attention again later.

  
  
It's been almost a week since they started guessing her middle name. As much as she keep on saying that it's a simple one, no one is managing to guess the right name.

  
  
"It's okay if you guys don't guess it. It's a middle name, no one is using it except for identification." Diana noticed that Poe's stubble is becoming more significant than the usual. "You need to shave it. Do you want me and Rose to do it right now?"

  
  
"Leave me and my stubble alone Diana. It's not doing anything." He tried to swat her her two fingers pressing the short, stiff hairs on his cheeks.

  
  
"So leave my middle name alone. It's not doing anything."

  
  
His eyes are still shut. "I have an unlimited guess. I will go on until our whole program ends. Will you tell it to me then when we finish our internship?"

  
  
She is not surprised on the commitment of the man that's laying on her lap. Once he get started on doing something, he never stops until the end of the line. He said it's his ethos. The success of reaching the destination is more satisfying and purifying when the journey is longer.

  
  
Diana thought that it's a little dramatic for him to say that just for her middle name. But she is aware that Poe is sticking to his belief strongly. Poe Dameron is a persistent doctor. She have seen how committed he is to his patients– in preparing for surgeries and even on labs. Plus, Poe likes a dramatic flair once in a while.

  
  
"Please tell Finn to join us for lunch. I only got to see him twice this week." How Poe managed to leave his journal out of his pocket and didn't even realize it for so long until Diana waved it in his face is still a mystery yet to be answered.

  
  
For the surgical interns, their journals hold all the things they learned back in medical school. Years worth of medical knowledge are condensed in one tiny book. They consider that it as their heart. And Poe's heart has been with some else for more than five hours and he didn't even realized it.

  
  
The name of the ortho intern made his eyes wide open. He gave his friend a suspicious glance. "Why? So you could tell him my middle name?"

  
  
"No. I'd never steal that away from you."

  
  
He wiggled his shoulders, making himself more comfortable. "Good. Because we're not on that part yet."

  
  
"And I can't wait for you guys to reach that part."

  
  
He went back to relax his eyes and tugged the side of his lips, giving her a lazy smile. Now Armie and Rose are not the only people who have a budding romance. Dr. Poe Dameron is near the inception of his, taking one step at a time. "If I tell you something about me will you give me a clue then?"

  
  
She pulled a strand of his hair. "Sure why not?" Diana shrugged her shoulders.

  
  
"I have a droid. My parents gave it to me when I finished my undergrad studies."

  
  
Rose, hearing Poe about having an android, decided to join in. "That is so cute. What's its name?"

  
  
"BB-8. He's an orange dome-head. A BB-unit with a selenium drive and a thermal hyperscan vindicator. That unit has been with me in entire career. It surprises me that its not running away from me yet." 

Diana keeps on forgetting that her friends whom she spend most of her time with came from well-off families, most doctors are. It's because they don't parade it on everyone's faces, they are very humble. Poe doesn't even complain on eating stale chips from the vending machine and Rose's family got their hands covered in flour instead of asking someone to do for them. Having a droid is like having a butler- a friend. It can be used for everything, maybe for Poe it's an educational droid that helped him get through med school. 

  
  
"I wish you can bring him here. But I know Kanata will keep him until our shifts ends." Rose said, arm-to-arm with Armie.

  
  
"That or BB-8 will replace me as Kanata's intern."

  
  
"Armie has a cat." Rose said giggling.

  
  
"Really? I didn't expect you to be a cat person Armie." Diana leaned her head forward to at take a peek at him. Armie is sitting at the most end. People say that cat person are more introverted than a dog person. But her co-intern is no doubt an extrovert.

  
  
"Yeah, I heard that many times. Her name's Millicent. I got her during med school. She lived with us in mine and Ben's dorm room until we got our postgrad diplomas. Our batchmates always assumed that it's Ben's until they realize that Milicent and I have the same hair color."

  
  
"That is so cute." Diana is pertaining to Millicent and Armie share the same hair color part.

  
  
"And the clue?" Beside her, Rose grinned. Excited to hear what she has to say. Her and Armie have been listening.

  
  
"It's from a mythology."

  
  
"Greek, Roman or Egyptian?" Poe tried to extend the single clue she let out to them.

  
  
"It will be easier once I said it."

  
  
"Aphrodite?" Armie took his shot. His fingers lazily wrapped around Rose's. Their fingertips hover each other.

  
  
She couldn't help to blow a small raspberry. "Pfft. No. Try again." Diana tapped Poe's shoulder. "I got to have one last bread. Move."

  
  
Poe groaned as he raised himself so she can slide off the stretcher. Diana made her way to the table to help herself with a blueberry muffin. She haven't tried one yet. It's her last chance now to see what Finn was trying to say when they first met.

  
  
Ben is standing right ahead of the table, his broad shoulders blocking her sight to see the contents of last box pastries this week. When Diana walked beside him, she noticed that there's no more blueberry muffin left... And Ben Solo is in the middle of chewing the last one.

  
  
"Hey. I never got to try one."

  
  
Ben turned around to face her. Intentionally biting another piece. "Why didn't you get some then? You had seven days."

  
  
"Because I was busy checking out the other ones."

  
  
A morsel of muffin bunched up to the side of his mouth. "Tough luck then."

  
  
_Is it not enough for him to steal my patients and surgeries?_ Now he's gone for the muffins. Diana wondered what Ben Solo is going to get from her next. "So give me that one."

  
  
It looked so tiny with him holding it, only supporting the muffin with the pad of his two fingers. "I already ate some." He countered her request, the left part of the food is in a shape of a concave as he already dug a small portion of it.

  
  
The mark doesn't bother Diana. "It's alright with me. I can eat that right side and throw that part that you bit."

  
  
Ben managed to eat most of the blueberry muffins the entire week. It all started with one reservation that she told Rose on Monday and now he holds the record of eating 70% of it. They didn't even mind it because they really saw that Ben Solo has a sweet tooth that he tried to hide but miserably failed. When he is not scrubbed in on any surgeries or checking patients, he's nibbling a muffin alone. Trying his best to surreptitiously hide that he's enjoying something while he's in the middle of doing paperwork. Ben thought that he made a good job hiding it. But no, he didn't fool his co-interns as they saw right through it. No one called him out of it until now.

Trying to push her buttons, Ben turned to muffin around to bite the right side. The untouched side of the small pastry. Maintaining eye contact with her as he does so. "If I guessed your middle name right now you can have it."

  
  
Diana scoffed. _Now that he devoured almost half of it he decided to compromise?_ But Diana couldn't help to be intrigued on hearing what he got to say. "Fine. What's your guess?"

  
  
His head moved from side to side as his eye scanned her face. Like he's trying to find something. Doing everything but to look straight directly at Diana. "It's Athena."

Ben is so sure of his answer. He's been listening the entire time. Once Diana said that it's from a Mythology, he knew it right away. Her first name is already a dead give-away. And Ben is pissed at himself that it took him long time, an entire week, to realize that. Diana, Roman goddess of hunt. Or it could even be the Amazonian princess of Themyscira. Then he heard that her mother's name is Minerva. It could only mean that her middle name must be the Greek counterpart of the Goddess of wisdom and warfare. No wonder Diana acts like she's a detective, a shrink and a preacher. It's in her name.

  
  
He didn't even said it in a questioning manner like they did the whole time. Ben is confident that he got it correct. And he is.

  
  
"Uh. Yeah. It's Athena." Her posture became unrestrained.

  
  
Poe lifted himself from the mattress. "Woah. He got it right away?"

  
  
_A flunk maybe_. "I told you. It's a simple name. Unlike Armie's."

  
  
"Sure." Ben knows that she's convincing herself that he hit the target in accident. The half-eaten blueberry muffin is his, fair and square. His beeper went off, forcing Ben to finish the rest of the pastry right away. For good measure and out of spite, he pushed the the remaining baked good in his mouth and he made sure Diana saw it before turning around and taking the call.

  
  
"Well would you look at that." Poe is sitting upright now. "The Prince of Alderaan knows the mystery of your name right away."

  
  
Correct, Ben Solo knows is now aware of her past. "Athena is the go-to name in Mythology. Of course he'd get that right away. And just because he knows my middle name doesn't mean he knows me more than you guys." Diana declined what Poe is trying to insinuate before he even got the chance to say it out loud.

  
  
"Seems like he knows you more than us though."

  
  
She sat beside Poe, the steely support of the stretcher let out a silent creak. "Not possible. Do you remember my patient who's really deep into astrology? She told us that our sign creates the tension between us. She said that it's palpable."

  
  
"Hmmm," Not one bit is Poe surprised on what she said. "Diana, we're not astrologers and we know that palpable tension that your patient was telling you. Everyone with eyes know what's _up_ with you two."

  
  
"Except to the two of them." Armie said quickly to add a little something on what Poe just said.

  
  
Diana grimaced. "Do I always look like I want to punch him in the face all the time?"

  
  
_"Yes."_  
  
_"Oh absolutely."_  
  
_"Definitely."_

  
  
The three answered. Ben is always on the verge of his emotions every time him and Diana head on. But Poe has his money on the theory that Ben doesn't want to do what Diana wants to do with him. Is he angry? No doubt. But is he feeling anything other than anger? Obviously.

  
  
Every person has that one human being that they couldn't stand to be around them. If they are in the same area as them, hearing them talk or even breath could immensely irritate their soul. The funny thing is, when someone asked why they hated the person so much in the first place, they would stagger to explain that it came from the pettiest experience.

  
  
That's what Diana feels towards Ben. Rose said that it will get better but sadly it's doing the opposite. Both of them is not planning to lower their egos because they both think that they're not doing anything wrong. They are just waiting for one of them to crack and swing the first hit, whatever that means.

  
  


  
_Two days ago during lunch, Diana had her hair down. She never usually does that because it gets in her way. Her long, voluminous waves were on display, smaller strands were sitting on the side of her face. She's trying to answer the crossword of that day's newspaper. It seemed like it's a favorite hobby there in a hospital to pass some time. So she wanted to see what makes the crossword addictive and fun to play._

  
  
_Her glasses were scarily near at the edge of her nose, threatening to fall off at any second. But it in some miraculous way, it held on. "Character trait of a smart, sassy and lovable heroine. The last letter of the word is Y" Diana had hit a road block in one of the questions, she read the clue out loud to get her friends guess it as well._

  
  
_"Witty?" Armie leaned in closer to take a good look at the puzzle._

  
  
_"Yeah, I thought of that first too. But it's a six-letter word. Across. Clue number 4." Diana raised the folded newspaper to help Armie. "See?"_

  
  
_She retracted the newspaper back to her and gave it a long and hard thought. The soft rubber end of the pencil was digging the side of her cheek as she pushed it instinctively. Her mind was far away from the table. "Smart... Sassy.... Lovable."_

  
  
_A pair of eyes was keenly watching Diana. She felt it right away and snapped her head to the person in front of her._

_"What do you want?" Diana saw Ben's hand was holding a metal fork when she caught him contemplating her face._

  
  
_He had no time to put his gaze in to another thing. Ben felt like he was caught red-handed. Like always, their friends just watched silently and made themselves comfortable because another show was about to begin._

  
  
_No response._

  
  
_To psyche him out, Diana thought that it would be a good idea to jerk her upper body towards him. A non-harmful way to mess with him. And she did, but the man across the table didn't even flinch. Not moving a single muscle. His steely eyes were still glued on her._

  
  
_" **Snarky.** "_

  
  
_"I beg your pardon?"_

  
  
_Finally, Ben let go of his gaze. Turning his attention to his lunch as he played it around. "The answer in your crossword. Snarky is the word that you're looking for."_

  
  
_Diana didn't falter at first, her ego preventing her to check the newspaper to see if it's the right word._

  
  
_"Well, what is it?" Rose asked._

  
  
_"Uh," she scribbled the letters in the boxes. It was a perfect fit. "Yeah. It is snarky." Diana didn't bother pulling her head up because she knew Ben was looking all proud and cocky across her. But he wasn't, Ben was staring intensely at his lunch. Like if he could stare at it a little longer the contents of his meal will float. The two didn't catch the playful and knowing glances their friends gave at each other._

  
  
_They are surgeons, trained to look for disease. Sometimes, it can be easily detected. But most of the time, they need to go step by step. They can't see what's the problem by just looking at them in the surface. It tells them a different story from the one hidden inside. Not all wounds are superficial. They can't be seen in a naked eye but they will take them by surprise once they found out._

———

  
Slowly, their beepers started to call them back to work one by one. As of the moment, Diana is on the nurse's reception table finishing the filing of the consent-to-surgery forms of some patients. Half an hour ago she was rounding with social workers to discuss her patient's placement upon discharge.

  
  
A lot is happening pre-op and post-op, complicated and complex things. Doctors try their best to tell their patients to not worry about any of it because they will undergo a surgery. A stress in their body could highly affect the operation. Even though surgeons have done various operations over and over again, the bodies of their patients take the procedure in different ways. That's why they don't have the power to guarantee the anxious families of patients a hundred percent survival rate even in the simplest procedures.

  
  
In the distance, Diana saw Rose made her way out in one of the testing rooms. Even far away, she could see that Rose is jittery. She's clearly distraught. Diana immediately perked up, her feet started moving to follow her. But her friend is faster. Rose wanted to get away from the crowded hallway of the hospital as soon as possible.

  
  
When she went to the corner Rose turned to, she didn't find any signs of her. Up until now Diana still underestimates how big AGH is. She could turn around a corner and realize that she's never been there before. After roaming around, she finally found Rose. Slumped in the wall, holding her knees together.

  
  
Her friend is not alone. Ben Solo is right next to her as she let out silent cries. He's not saying anything. He's just offering her some company and that's enough. Diana slowly approached the two and situated herself on Rose's other side, crossing her legs. Diana couldn't tell her friend that "it's okay" because she wasn't there and she didn't see what Rose witness. She gently rubbed her palms on her back to console her.

  
  
"Ugh," She began to talk. Wiping the flowing tears with the heel of her palms. "I'm sorry this is so pathetic."

  
  
"No it's not." Diana reached out in her pocket and gave her a handkerchief. The white piece of fabric that Ben gave to her when he got be the unfortunate witness of her first breakdown in her internship. It's been with her all the time after that, he told her to hold on it because someday it's going to be used again. Now is that time that Ben was talking about.

  
  
"Thank you Diana." She sniffed. Pressing the handkerchief near her waterline. "It's, uh, it's my patient. She's with her husband and... they are so happy. She sprained her ankle pretty bad and she's- she's eight months pregnant. The patient didn't choose to take any pain medicines because she's... afraid that it will affect the baby. She's in so much pain but she and her husband is still smiling and laughing. Still being silly at each other..." Rose abruptly stopped, letting out another sob.

  
  
"Hey," Ben consoled her. "You don't have to tell us. It will just upset you more." His voice soft and comforting as ever. That wasn't his approach when he saw Diana vomiting in a vacant patient room. This is a different Ben Solo that her friends are talking about. Diana got to see it.

  
  
"No, I want to... This will never let me sleep if I don't get to tell anyone. She- Dr. Tano ordered me to do the ultrasound of the patient because the mother said that her baby is not kicking. So I thought that the child could only be sleeping." Dr. Asokha Tano, the attending OB/GYN and Fetal and Neonatal Surgeon of Alderaan Grace Hospital. But when Rose looked at the ultrasound, there was no heartbeat or any movement. The attending saw Rose so devastated that she told her to get some fresh air. Tano didn't shake her shoulders and told her to put it together. She was sympathetic towards the intern.

  
  
"Yesterday she was as healthy as can be, now her son is not with them anymore. And she have to push it him out of her... and not hear him crying." Tears burst out again. Diana felt her entire chest go heavy as she wrapped her arms around her friend. Ben reached out, holding her arm firmly.

  
  
They stayed there for a while. Realizing that this is the side of their profession that is still hard for all of them to cope. Understanding the complexities and technicalities of the body can be memorized, it could be learned over and over again. But witnessing fatalities is another thing. And it's not going to be easy. For Rose. For Armie. For Poe. For Diana, and whether he pretends that it doesn't bother him anymore, for Ben.

  
  
Save ninety-nine lives and it it will still take all of their strength to be strong when they couldn't save one.  
  
  
  



	9. Clear Signs Of. . .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It went past over my head that Adam Driver actually wore scrubs for an SNL skit. It's very funny! I didn't realize that we have a clear image of Dr. Ben Organa Solo.

**Chapter Nine: Clear Signs of . . .**

In medical institutions, the line of impossibility is relative. The line where it ends and it begins are erased. There are moments where it can be stretched so far without snapping and there comes a time when it all falls down in just one touch. So doctors hold on to the statistics, to the failed and successful surgeries in the past to try to get a glimpse of the horizon that they are about to venture.

  
  
For the past three years, they all got to try different simulations of surgeries to assess the success rate of the operation. It's not only a test to see how well they memorized the tons of technicalities and the effects of every incision they make. It's also an assessment to see how early they will realize that sometimes there are practical surgeries that are intended to be unbeatable in the first place. A no-win scenario.

  
  
The agenda for today tapped some stressful events the interns have back when they were completing their postgraduate degree. It's in the residency program of Alderaan Grace Hospital to conduct some drills for their interns. An evaluation to see if they improved their judgement on handling stressful situations. And for extra difficulty, they will be presented a very rare case that a listed procedures and steps to lead and guide them are non-existent and couldn't be find easily on some medical textbooks. They will use all the possible steps ingrained in their brains and it will be up to them to decide what's the appropriate procedures that must be used.

  
  
Diana was on her way to the OR 2 where the test will take place, ready as she'll ever be, when she saw her friends gathered together. "What are we looking at guys?" Diana abruptly stopped. It seems like her co-interns have some other interesting things to check out.

  
  
"Solo strikes again." Poe whispered. "Somebody's giving him a cup of coffee before our test."

  
  
"Huh." She finished putting her hair up. The locks of her hair are tightly gathered in one neat ponytail. "The blonde psych intern stuck out and giving him some positive affirmations?"

  
  
Armie gave her a space to stand. It turns out that her assumption is wrong, it's not the psych-intern. "No, it's the brunette pedia intern. She even gave her a cup of coffee. You know, the fancy place two blocks down AGH."

  
  
"The pretentious, hip coffee shop? Wow, I'm scared to go in there because I'm afraid the teenagers will judge me if they hear my preference of basic coffee." A sudden realization. "Interns only give coffee to residents... right?"

  
  
Ben's fingers are wrapped in a venti cup. Smiling appreciatively at the brunette. The curved lines of his dimples are digging on either sides of his mouth. Diana is betting that it must some bone dry cappuccino. Or some cortado.

It's a tradition, written in every books. Every morning interns must give their resident a cup of coffee to jump start the day. It's the least that they can do and not call it an act of "sucking up" (except for Rose's baked goods whom her mother really insisted). In every field, interns are expected to be the giver of fresh coffee. They could think of it as a metaphor, the cycle of medical hierarchy. Residents have been through that kind of stage in their lives. And the time will come that some anxious intern will give them a cup of coffee.

  
  
"You should know now that everything is possible with Ben. The man could just stand there and not do anything but he will surely steal some breaths away." Poe told her.

  
  
"What's the big deal then?" Diana is clueless.

  
  
Rose just gave her a laugh. "Because it's Ben. It's fun to watch him just stand there and give thanks profusely and not take any step further." She wrapped her arms to Diana.

  
  
"Because he said he doesn't do relationships." She explained Ben's reaction to them like it's very obvious. "The man is literally gaga over the internship."

  
  
"Oh and you aren't?" Poe snided. "That's what people say when the person they want to ask out is not interested."

  
  
"So Solo wants to ask someone out? Then why don't he ask that person? The world is in his hands. Literally."

  
  
Poe released a deep sigh. "I have a feeling that that will take some time."

  
  
Diana rolled her eyes over the thought that Ben just wants to string the interns that shows interest in him. "Yeah, because he's clearly enjoying it." _and he has no intention of stopping._

  
\---  
  
The case was thoroughly run through to them. A six-team surgeon will approach the table by two to separate a newborn conjoined twins. The dolls are professional stitched together and they must do everything to keep the both of them alive. Kanata will be joining the simulation. They will apply everything they learned so far– general surgery, ortho, neuro and cardiothoracics.

  
  
"This is a long, complex procedure with many parts. Therefore many opportunities with error. Dr. Dameron and I are going to take the table first." Kanata bowed her head to tell the doctor to approach the table. The five of them are prepped and sterilized for their surgery. "From now on treat this doll as a breathing, human being. The monitors right now are completely accurate, so if it goes off you know you have to do anything to make it stop. Remember, you only got one chance to do this. No repeating. No room for error people."

  
  
"The flaps are inset and viable. We have to do general surgery first. Dr. Dameron how do you wish to proceed?" Kanata began to simulation. The monitors let out a calm beep as it mimics the heartbeat of the dolls.

  
  
"First we need to establish each baby's blood supply to the shared colon."

  
  
"Then?"

  
  
"Then we separate the colon." Poe looked up to his resident. Trying to see if he got it right. Kanata gave him no indication whether he got it correct or not.

  
  
"... 10 blade." He said, internalizing himself that he is performing a real surgery. AGH's medical advancements made it possible to make the simulation as realistic as possible, so Poe didn't have a hard time to place himself in the zone.

  
  
"10 blade." Kanata passed the instrument to the intern.

  
  
"Making the first incision..." Poe declared to walk the others in the procedure. "and separating the colon now."

  
  
Poe started the colon resection. It is a success. The monitors didn't give a signal to show any decreasing vital signs. The older surgeon nodded and waited for the next procedure.

  
  
"Okay, and now I'm checking the displaced kidneys... To make sure they're intact and functioning."

  
  
"The kidneys are intact and functioning Dr. Dameron." Kanata confirmed. "Good. Hux and Tico, you're going to flip the twins. And this is a tricky part. Tell me why. Tico."

  
  
"Because they have open incisions, ma'am. So that means they have to stay sterile and we have to make sure that they stay intubated and secured."

  
  
"Okay. Anything else, Hux."

  
  
"We need to cauterize them first before the flip so they won't bleed. And we also have to keep their IVs and wires from getting tangled and intertwined in the process."

  
  
"Make sure you two do this right. This procedure is a very important bridge. If it goes wrong everything will fall apart." Kanata added pressure.

  
  
"You ready?" Armie whispered to Rose.

  
  
"Ready." She nodded.

  
  
"Okay. We will first disconnect and cap the subclavian IVs." Rose narrated her actions. The two began to lift the twins at the same time. The immersion is so real that they feel the weight under the dolls.

  
  
A beat.

  
  
No monitors went off.

  
  
"Good. No wounds are exposed and they still have oxygen. Do you see any complications in the twins spinal cord now that you both lifted them?"

  
  
Rose and Armie took a long look to observe the ceramic spinal cord of the dolls. "None Dr. Kanata. No double hemivertebra or a tethered cord."

  
  
The surgeon went through the file. "Good. Montgomery and Solo, proceed the table. You're doing ortho and neuro. How do you want to proceed?"

  
  
"Repairment of meningcole Dr. Kanata." Diana beat Solo to tell the resident the correct procedure.

  
  
"Tell me the purpose of that action."

  
  
Ben didn't give Diana the chance to cut him off again. "Myelomeningocele is needed to prevent the infection and further injury to the spinal cords and nerves."

  
  
"Question: Can the mentioned surgery correct defects in the spinal cords or nerves?"

  
  
"No." They both quickly said at the same time.

  
  
Without any word to his partner, Ben picked up the correct instruments and carried on with the surgery. Diana is on stand by, watching his fingers accurately work on the spinal cord.

  
  
Then the first hurdle showed itself.

  
  
"Wait a second..." Diana's voice trailed off. Deliberating if she saw it right. "Is that... Damn it. Dr. Kanata we see a spinal dermoid cyst."

  
  
She saw it first before Ben did. A tumor and that's all tangled up in the spinal root on one of the twins.

  
  
"There's a lot of scarring there. I don't see a clean approach doctor." Ben said, not gambling any procedure done because of the vulnerability of the spinal cord.

  
  
"No." Diana rebutted his statement. "It must be taken out because the cyst could become malignant." Game over.

  
  
" _Yes_." Ben seethed. Gritting his teeth behind his surgical mask. "I am completely aware of that Dr. Montgomery. Thank you."

  
  
"I can come in from an angle. But then I risk the contents spilling out." Diana clicked her tongue. "Which could mean a chemical meningitis."

  
  
"Dr. Montgomery, I've got this. But what if you stretch the nerve root here? That might paralyze one of the twins."

  
  
"No." She's sure with her decision. It's a gamble, Diana knows it. But the test wanted them to leave the tumor out because the procedure, like Ben Solo said, is extremely complicated and could cause lifetime complications to one of the the twins. This is not a no-win test, it's just testing how the interns overthink the process. "I can do it."

Her gazed cruised on his hands. If Diana is the one who will remove the tumor she should be the one holding the instruments.

  
  
"Okay while you two fight over if you're going to take out the cyst or not your patients are slowly dying." Kanata made them aware the slowly rising beeps in the monitors. "Their SATs are dropping to 88. How do you wish to proceed doctors?"

  
  
"Push atropine."

  
  
The beeping stabilized. They're good for now.

  
  
Ben deliberated for a second before stretching his hands over the table, waiting for Diana to take the instruments from him. She could do it. For a second, their gloved fingers brushed. He silently watched her across the table, eyes are only part of his face that are not hidden. He deduced that nobody's looking at him right now because all of the attention are on Diana and the surgery. So only for a moment, he took his guard down and gave his de-facto nemesis a glance of admiration. Her eyebrows are scrunched together a little. Her eyes wider than usual, making sure that her actions are right and calculated.

  
  
"Last cut." Her voice instantly snapped him back and quickly put on his cold visage. "All right. Separation complete."

  
  
"No, no, no, no. We're not done yet." He is definitely back. "We still need to check on the motor function. Let's do... 2 milliamps of stimulation to Twin 1 first please."

  
  
"Dr. Solo we gave the twins a name for better immersion. Tell me the name of the twin you're referring to and I'll give him the stimulation that you're asking for." Dr. Kanata didn't look up as her pen hovered on Ben's remark. So far he's doing great but he needs to recognize the name of the patients. It's part of the test.

  
  
"It's-uhhhh it's..Mar- uh." Ben Solo buckled on his words, it's the only thing that he's unsure of. He heard Kanata say it before they begin the practicals. Was his mind flying when she was telling them that? Because right now Ben can't give a name.

  
  
"2 milliamps of stimulation for Randy please." Diana said. She's sure that Ben was out there thinking the pedia intern while Kanata was telling them the mechanics.

  
  
"Randy is moving. And Dr. Solo you cut your parents open. I suggest you to know their names. It's the best thing we can do to get to know them." Kanata sternly told the intern.

  
  
Poe felt like he needed something to say. "Yeah Ben. You should really get to know **_her_**." Diana is aware that they are not talking about their simulation now. Rose and Armie really restrained their chuckles. Leaving Poe to convulse from laughter beside them.

  
  
"Dameron. You're in the middle of performing a rare surgery. Now is not the time." Kanata warned.

  
  
Poe cleared his throat and straightened his back. "Sorry Dr. Kanata."

  
  
"2 milliamps for Matt as well please." Diana continued.

  
  
The other twin didn't move.

  
  
"Let's go up to 3 milliamps, please." Ben took over.

  
  
There still no movement coming from Matt, the other twin doll.

  
  
"4 milliamps." Ben turned up the dosage. Thankfully, the patient showed a sign of movement.

  
  
"Okay good. Dameron can take it from here. Tell me how they are doing?"

  
  
"The flap is well-vascularized." Poe rigorously checked the vital signs of the dolls. "They have good cap refill and is covering the defect perfectly. They are both doing good."

  
  
"Good. Well done. Hux and Rose, do the closing procedures. That's going to be textbook at this point. I know you two can do it perfectly. Congratulations."  
  
\----  
  
The surge of adrenaline that flows through their systems will take some time to wear off. Poe felt like he could finish a 5k marathon without breaking a sweat, Armie and Rose couldn't keep their hands off each other and Diana is grinning like crazy while she signs off some patient's file. It's the most mundane thing an intern can do. It's a scut work. But she feels like she could do anything. If someone asked him to change the sheets and change the used bedpans, she would do it without any questions.

  
  
"Hi!"

  
  
Her head shot up. Her smile is wider than usual, she just wishes that the person wouldn't be freaked out by that. "Yes?"

  
  
Oh.

  
  
"Hi. Did you guys finish your practicals already?" It's the pedia intern. Up close, Diana couldn't believe that she chose to be a doctor. Long curved eyelashes, full lips and she doesn't even have dark circles under her green eyes. The woman is a walking model straight from a magazine.

  
  
"Yes. We just finished 20 minutes ago."

  
  
"Oh really? How did it go?" A pediatrician. Diana assessed that the strongest suit of the intern talking to her is her persuasiveness and positive attitude.

  
  
"It went very well actually." Diana closed the file. She wouldn't turn down a conversation with anyone. Not if she's in a very very good mood.

  
  
The pedia intern put her hand on Diana's arm. A reflex. "That's good to hear! I'm sorry, I'm Tishra."

  
  
"Diana, very nice to meet you." She smiled, shaking her hand.

  
  
"Umm. Have you seen Ben? I've been looking everywhere for him."

  
  
"Oh," And here she thought that the woman went up to her to be friends. She knows where he is in their favorite place. "Uh, I guess he's doing rounds?"

  
  
Tishra solemnly shook her head. "No, I haven't seen him with his patients today."

  
  
She knows the list of his patients he's monitoring? "Maybe in surgery?"

  
  
"I thought you guys are cleared of every surgeries this morning because of your test? I thought you could say to him that I'm looking for him."

  
  
There's no way out.

  
  
"Please." She said, dragging out her word. She delivered it like she's a kid not wanting to pull out her tongue to see her throat. Diana didn't like it one bit.

  
  
This is so uncalled for, Tishra didn't even take in to consideration that I'm might be in the middle of doing something. _And where's my fancy coffee for finding that huge man?_ Diana only follows order from Maz Kanata and every attending who is above her. If it's a normal day she would say "no" right away. Not even a "thank you" or "I'm sorry" to make up for it. Tishra is lucky that she caught Diana in a very special day today.

  
-  
  
"Hey. Can you please tell him that the pedia intern chick is turning the whole hospital upside down looking for him?" Diana attempted to pass the obligation to Poe and Finn, pointing her finger to Ben who's in the middle of conversation with Armie.

  
  
"What? You tell him. I'm not a messenger." Poe backed away, not wanting to take the responsibility for his own leisure.

  
  
"Well, neither am I. Finn, please tell him."

  
  
"Nuh-uh. Ben and I are talking but we're not on that phase yet."

  
  
"I am in the no-talking-with-him phase. So you all outrank me if we're talking phases here." Her words are becoming more and more desperate.

  
  
Telling Ben that one of his countless suitors is looking for him makes Diana somewhat,,, degraded. She feels like the squire of The Prince of Alderaan.

  
  
"Diana come on, just tell him that someone is looking for him." Poe told her, slowly coaxing his friend to talk to Ben.

  
  
"I'll tell Armie. Then he tell him." She anxiously suggested her idea to the two.

  
  
"But he's literally right there next to him." Finn raised his hand, making sure that Diana sees that Armie is only 3 feet away from Ben.

  
  
She rubbed her knuckles as she weighs in the situation. Is her ego really that high that she's having a hard time to tell Ben that someone is just looking for him?

  
  
"Okay. Fine." She groaned, deciding to be an adult. But only taking that promise for 5 steps before being face to face with Ben.

  
  
" **Hey.** " She barked.

  
  
Armie flinched at how harsh Diana's voice came out. But Ben,,, well there's no other way Diana talks to him so he's used to it by now. They don't need to lay it all out, but she knows that if one of them approached the other in a calm way, it's a signal that they give up. It's a win. But at what game? They don't even know it now.

  
  
In an instant, Ben Solo's eyes became intense. "What?"

  
  
She's having a hard time saying it. "There's someone looking for you." Diana bit her tongue.

  
  
Ben bowed his head, waiting for her to tell more. "Well, aren't you going to me who it is?" He tugged her bottom lip. Diana have come to the realization that he frequently does that.

  
  
"The pedia intern from this morning."

  
  
Ben Solo is feeling like he go on in an extra mile to piss Diana off today. "Uhh no. Not ringing any bells to me."

  
  
"The one who literally gave you a coffee this morning."

  
  
In Diana's eyes, she saw Ben arrogantly crossed his arms to his chest. "Sorry. Can you tell her name for me?"

  
  
_For me?_ "Their names confuse you now? Does the poor Ben Solo needs help remembering their names?"

  
  
She wished that Ben could've just sat there. Diana felt extra powerful with a small height difference. But Ben never fails to use the "height move" on her.

  
  
"What's it to you if that's the case? Hmm?" His voice rumbled. Like thunders rolling in the June Seattle sky. He knows the name of the woman Diana is talking about. Dr. Tishra Kandia.

  
  
It's a very much familiar position: Diana craning her head up strongly as Ben looks down. She's not intimidated by his demeanor, no matter how tall and strong he is compared to her.

  
  
"Because in case you forgot, I'm not your secretary. I'm a surgical intern just like you. I don't know if you're used on having people feeding you names that you don't remember but I am not one of them." Her words expelled out of her mouth rapidly and forcibly.

  
  
He didn't say anything. He just stood there and watched Diana flare up. He pushed his foot forward, his eyes suddenly became weak unlike Diana's that could be a fast pass to hell. He couldn't help it. But he felt like he have come to an epiphany of some sort that immediately lowered his inhibitions. Ben Solo's eyes raked her face with unnerving thoroughness. His lips parted as he took a sharp inhale.

She took a step back when he saw Ben started to tilt his head. "Solo, do you lead those poor women on?"

  
  
"No. I do not lead them on." Ben is staring fixedly at her lips.

  
  
"Good. So pick one and have the courage to ask one out. Get to know her." Diana pertained to Poe's comment during their practicals.

  
  
"You don't understand. I wanted to-" Ben pursed his lips as he caught himself, stopping his tongue from saying the words he can't take back once it's out in the open. "Fine."

  
  
Maybe raising a temporary white flag for their conflict would be suitable for today's happenings. They just passed their first internship practicals all together. That was something. It shows them how well they are in the cluster. Despite Ben and Diana's bickering in front of the table, the operation was successful. That's all that matters.

But Ben and Diana will always be like this. And it's not even about the internship anymore. It's about protecting their egos from being deflated. If one them gave an inch, the other one will take it a mile.

Sometimes, people likes to play blind. They wanted to believe that they are only seeing things. The mind is a very imaginative organ in the body, it's very powerful that people have to take a step back and validate that what they saw is real. That's why we have ghosts, monsters and unexplained phenomena our brain projected to us but have no fundamentals to explain their existence. Our mind makes us believe that what see saw is real. And if one think hard enough that a situation happened according on their perception, that would be the genuine and correct story from now on. So it's possible not to trust the mind sometimes. Be skeptical. Because they don't want to be bothered by being a witness to the situations that don't make sense. So what will they say if they encountered an unexplainable scenario? **"I did not see anything."**


	10. Lost In Translation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much again for reading this story. The plot of this chapter will be divided into two parts, I'll post the continuation tomorrow. 
> 
> Enjoy!

**Chapter Ten: Lost In Translation**

Communication is vital. It helps people in many ways they can't imagine. If a guy is unsure if he wants to watch the rebooted film of his favorite movie back when he was a kid, a review or thoughts of a friend will help in his decision. The barista will make the perfect triple, venti, half sweet, non-fat, caramel macchiato the high school student wants by telling it to him properly. The taxi driver can take the man exhausted from his work home by telling him the address of his apartment. The bookshop owner will try her best to find the book the nostalgic middle-aged woman is looking for so long by describing her the cover because she doesn't remember the name anymore: a woman standing near the shore with her hair down.

In surgery, communication is crucial to determine where to make the first incision. The patient must tell the doctors if their chest hurt if they laugh, if their headache has been distracting them for almost a week now, or if their feet hurts when they put too much weight into it. It's a blueprint to them. A map to follow so they won't get lost once the patient is unconscious in the operating table. It's also a very important part in operating to repeat the doctor's words before doing the action. If the surgeon said push 10 mL of EPI, the nurse will repeat the dosage out loud before injecting it to the system of the patient. Assurance and confirmation are mixed together.

The world is rich with many languages- Slavic, Norwegian, Latin and many many more. Different countries have different tongues they speak and every country have different dialects from the natives of the area. Just like every profession, they have a jargon which sounds meaningless to an untrained ear. When the doctor said it's idiopathic, it means that a condition does not have a clear explanation of cause. Iatrogenic, on the other hand, means that something that didn’t go as planned.

Today is the different day for the five of them. When they met their resident in the hallways, they knew something was different. Dr. Maz Kanata had a bright orange bag suspended in her shoulder. A baby bag. When she turned around, her face is on its default and strict resident surgeon. The teacher. But her body language is a mother comforting her son who's in deep slumber in her arms.

"The nurses said that we are considered lucky because we didn't experience the pregnant Kanata during our internship." Rose mumbled. Even though the resident is already in a good distance, she wouldn't risk to be heard.

"Yeah, I caught that." Diana answered, her eyes straight ahead but deeply invested from their tête-à-tête. "They said that Kanata was literally waddling every time she was prepping herself to operate a patient."

"I know! I also heard that the Chief tried to give Kanata a time-out in surgeries but she didn't want to hear the end of it and carried on. Chief Calrissian didn't bother to try again because he knows that her answer was always going to be the same. Gosh, what a strong woman."

The thought of seeing a terrified Chief Calssian due to Kanata's pregnant demeanor and stubbornness made Diana laugh hard that the air come out of her nose in a snort. "No one has the power to level with Kanata. She also preferred to have a strawberry milkshake before and after surgery. Isn't that the best-"

Last time she checked, Rose is not a 6'3 man with an aquiline features. Her friend has bangs, this one doesn't. Just waves of long, black hair pushed back. She has been walking with Ben, so that means he heard her snort. Diana whipped her head back on their formation, checking if Ben Solo didn't swallow Rose. _Nope._ She's behind him, talking with Armie.

She immediately dropped her smile and her on-going laughter. Other than the audible chats behind them, an awkward silence is shared by the two. She's never walked with Ben during the morning rounds before. Never, full stop. Elevator ride before is not included. It's an unfamiliar territory to her.

" **...Nice weather we're having.** " His voice trickled slow like thick molasses. For some unknown reason, it scared Diana. Kanata carrying her 10 month old son during rounds is not the only unusual thing today.

Diana looked beside her, expecting that Ben was addressing someone next to her. No. The space to her right is vacant.

The manner Ben said it didn't convince Diana that he's the first one to throw the towel in their petty games. To her, it sounded like he's brewing something.

" **Huh?** " As dumb as it sounds, that's what's Diana is thinking right now. She has no clue why he's being like that. She's physically on-guard, like preparing for an imminent attack that could happen at any second.

He's not sparing her a glance. Ben's face is straight ahead to look at the busy hallway. The nurses are walking fast, doctors are checking the surgeries listed on the board today. Telephones in the nurse's desk are going off every five minutes.

"I said," He pursed his lips. Ben looked behind him, trying to push the words to come out of his mouth without any hint of sharpness embedded in it. "It's a nice weather we're having today."

Did he hit his head on a cabinet this morning? Diana asked herself. "I dont... What's does that mean? Are you mocking me or something?" She knows that she's being paranoid, but she has this feeling that she skipped a chapter that she didn't know of to explain why Ben is asking her about the weather today.

"I'm just literally asking you about the weather!" She received an impatient, sharp response from Ben. To be honest, Diana felt more at ease. She is accustomed with that kind of approach.

"Why? It's literally raining hard outside. What's so good about it?" Nothing is still clicking in her mind.

She saw him becoming frustrated. "You know what, forget it." Ben's broad shoulders sagged in defeat. His feet stopped while the rest of them continued to march in the hallway. He once again took the position beside Armie, his huge palm guided Rose back to her former position next to Diana.

Rose let out a small, faux chuckle. It's a nervous one. The one that she does when something did not go in her plan. For the past few months, Diana learned their ticks and little quirks. Poe likes to bounce his leg when he's anxious or hungry, Armie likes to pick his nails and massage his fingers subconsciously. And for Ben, he's always seems agitated when they're around each other. It's always a quick lick on his lips, the repeated flattening of his lapel or running his fingers through his hair.

The five huddled in the room to see the last patient for today. Kanata scanned her interns lined up behind her, eyes stopping at Diana. She'll present the case. She didn't need more signal from her resident. After grabbing the chart, Diana took the patient's side of the bed and begin to walk through the doctors to the case.

"Harold Valorum. 63. Scheduled for aortic valve replacement this afternoon at 4. The morning x-rays showed no atalectasis for the last two days."

"Dr. Kanata is that your son?" Harold, the patient, smiled with glee as he saw the doctor slightly shifting her feet from left to right, rocking the baby to stay asleep. He thought that it's nice to see someone in the hospital not wearing an intimidating scrubs and white coats other than the patients.

"Yes. No one could take care of him today so thought I could bring him in." The surgeon amicably said her explanation to the patient. "Mr. Valorum do you still have any questions for your procedure? You will be operated by Dr. Pryde and assisted by Dr. Solo."

"No, I think I already know enough. I know I'm in good hands." The old patient didn't want to hear again how they're going to open him up while he's unconsciously laying in the operating table while they probe his heart. He's putting his trust to the doctors. Harold Valorum had chosen this hospital for a reason.

"Dr. Pryde is the best cardiothoracic surgeon in the state. He'll do his very best." Kanata inclined.

"Indeed. His reputation preceedes himself."

"Tico, Dr. Tano. Dameron and Hux pit. Montgomery, Dr. Holdo. Solo, Dr. Pryde."

Rose walked close to her resident, looking at the sleeping little Kanata with awe. No wonder Tano commends Rose with her performance in the Gynie Squad, she sees sunlight and happiness every single time she sees a kid. "Will you carry him all day Dr. Kanata? I can take him today, I don't mind."

"It's alright Dr. Tico." Maz appreciated her intern's offer. "Tuck is with me while I perform surgeries before. I think I can manage. And Dr. Tano needs your help today."

The group dispersed, going on with their separate objectives for today. Thankfully for Diana, the rest of the morning went on without someone asking her about the weather again. A normal pace of assisting in a surgery, monitoring of other patients and paperwork.

After snacking, Diana began her another rounds. She needs to update the charts and check if the fluids and medications they put on this morning has taken its effect.

She has been walking around all morning, her legs and feet are already familiar with the sensation. It's better to do something rather than be stagnant for a minute.

Diana is about to walk pass the room of Mr. Valorum, the patient that she presented the case that morning, when she heard a commotion. There are at least 2 people inside, trying to out-voice one another. Each of them are trying to finish their sentences to prove their point, different words are unpleasantly mixing together. The whole heated discussion is becoming more and more unintelligible.

Diana entered the room, she's the only calm person except for the patient who is trying to halt the racket. The people that he's trying to break apart are not giving him an ounce of attention. Nobody's listening to him.

**"I flew in from Colorado and you have the audacity to tell me–"**

**"Well I have been here with dad since he got admitted! We tried to call you so many fucking times and now you're acting like he's wasting your time? What kind of son-"**

"Please calm down you're father will be having the operation for today!"

**"No mom! That's enough. If he thinks he's losing money by flying then he shouldn't have come here."**

Diana slowly approached the scene. The mother has no match to stop the brawling siblings.

"Sir. Ma'am. Please calm down."

Her voice got lost in the ascending uproar. Because they are fully consumed by rage, they are not able to see or hear anything but their own voice. Their eyes are blinded with fury.

But Diana tried again. The stress will overwhelm the patient's body and that's the last thing he needs. "Sir, please calm down this is a hospital..." Her voice is louder than before. The intern is sure that the siblings' argument can be heard at the nurse's station.

Nothing.

" **Please!** " This time, Diana yelled. Their voices halted in an instant. The siblings are gawking at her, wondering where did the young doctor got the nerve to step in. "Your father couldn't bear the two of you fighting."

The spotlight turned to Harold Valorum who's laying in his bed helplessly. Immobile. The pain of seeing his children fight in front of him is more unbearable than the surgery later. At least in the latter he'll be heavily sedated that he wouldn't be able to hear any shouts.

"You two are so angry at each other. You're angry at your mom, at one another, at yourself and at this doctor who's just doing her job. Especially at me."

The son took a step forward, not wanting to hear their bedridden father take any blame. "Dad, no. None of this is your fault it's just that-"

"Yes it is." The patriarch interrupted. "I know all of you are mad at me. It's okay, I'm mad at me too. I just don't want to see my children-"

Mr. Valorum didn't get to finish what he was trying to say. He started catching his breath, his monitors started to go off. The old man wriggled, trying to remove the oxygen connected to his nose.

The rising beeps scared the family. They watched in horror as Diana tried to calm the patient down. "Sir, sir don't fight it. Don't fight it." She tried to catch the flailing arms of the man.

"He's having a heart attack!" The wife shrieked in horror. Her shaking palm lined with age is covering her mouth.

She quickly pulled her stethoscope and listened to the man's heart. It's racing. "No, he's not. He's just in shock." Diana quickly assured the family who slowly backed away from the scene.

"Why don't you pump my father's chest? That's what you need to do right?" The son apprehensively asked the doctor.

"Yeah he's right." The daughter agreed. "What about the paddles? Get the paddles!"

Nurses began to fill the room, waiting for Diana's orders. "Sir, please stop. You're heart is going too fast." She turned around to ask the nurse. "Have you paged Dr. Pryde?"

"Yes Dr. Montgomery."

"Okay. Recycle his BP. Pull Verapamile. 5 mg. Stat." She said. Diana and the other nurse hold the patient down.

Ben Solo entered the scene as he was also paged. Quickly holding the patient down with more strength. "What happened here?"

"He's got A-fib with rapid ventricle response. I ordered verapamile."

" _What?_ " Ben sneered. His face in utter disdain. "Are you out of your mind? Look, he's clearly in v-tac. The verapamile will cause more problems than it solves. Do 100 Lidocane." Ben ordered the nurse. He's looking at her like she cut some LVAD wire. Like she's incompetent.

There are specific time and place to play their jabs and insults at each other. Diana won't back down from it. But Ben went over the line this moment. She got embarrassed by Ben's derision. 

Nurses are looking at her in pity. The family became unsure at her actions, looking at her like she stole someone's stethoscope and played doctor. They don't know the full meaning of the terms they just said, but because of context clues and Ben's very clear face of contempt, they had a feeling that Diana did something wrong with their father.

She feels like Ben is getting back at her on what she did to him that morning. "What the hell is your problem? Didn't it occur to you that he's in A-Fib when he started writhing? I would've put the lidocane if he needed it. But it's too strong for him in the first few seconds."

The patient's heartbeats started to slow down. But for the two interns, they're just getting started.

"Why are you here then? He isn't your patient. He's mine. We're stealing patients face to face now?" Ben doesn't care if they have an audience this time. It's the least of his concerns right now.

"So I'll just walk pass by a patient who's nearing code blue because he's your patient?" Diana threw her arms, mocking a carefree action. "No. I will not put this patient in prejudice because of you."

"Oh really? You want to talk about prejudice right now?" He widened his stance by putting his hands on his hips. _There he go again asserting superiority._

"And what about it? Do you have something in your mind you want to say?" Diana didn't realize that the commotion she was trying to stop minutes ago is passed on to them. It only registered to her when they both heard their resident's voice.

"You two. Out. Now." The hostility in the surgeon's voice and expression is so unnerving that the two interns took a step back right away.

"I know it's none of my business if you two are in each other's throats. But if you want to fight do it in an appropriate place. And **never** do it in front of the patients. Do you know how trusting that Mr. Valorum is to this hospital? Now he might be deliberating not to take the surgery anymore. And you know that delaying his surgery is not good for him. You both knew better." Kanata is infuriated. Both of them are thankful that she's with her son right now. All hell will break lose if her child is not in her grasp at the moment to calm her down.

  
  
"I'm very sorry Dr. Kanata." Diana is sorry because her emotions clouded her judgement. There's no excuse in that. But she knows that she didn't do anything wrong. She could tell her resident doctor that she's just responding to the needs of the patient. But she chose not to open her mouth. Because just like Kanata said, they both knew better.

  
  
"I'm sorry Dr. Kanata." Ben followed through. Deeply embarrassed by his actions.

  
  
"You better be. And you will be more sorry." Maz began to think of what she's going to do with her interns. A sanction is highly needed to the stunt that they pulled. Lucky for her, she didn't need to think hard because it's right there. Maz Kanata underestimate the energy of a toddler. "Be thankful that an attending didn't see any of that because you wouldn't imagine what I'm going to do. Solo, you're not scrubbing in with that surgery. Same goes to you Montgomery, you won't be assisting Dr. Holdo for the rest of the day."

  
  
" _What?_ " They quickly said. Their faces painted with disbelief.

  
  
Kanata just raised her eyebrows, reminding them who are they talking to. "I said what I said. You two need to think about what you've done. And you're going to look out for my son while you both do that."

  
  
She removed the baby bag from her shoulders and gave it to Ben then carefully passed her kid to Diana. "Solo, here's the baby bag. Everything my son needs is in there. The two of you will be babysitting my son today."

  
  
The interns felt like some thick roots burst out below the tiles of the hospital and wrapped around their ankles. They are unable to move, stunned by their resident's decision. "But Dr. Kanata... Are you sure you want to leave your son to us?" Diana is becoming more and more anxious. A back-to-back-to-back surgery would be a better punishment. She doesn't know how to act in front of a child.

  
  
"I don't know Dr. Montgomery, that's for you to decide. I know how my son looks before I leave him to you. I expect that he'll be the same when I get him at the end of the day."

  
  
Diana is holding the baby far from her, assuming that her scrubs are not clean enough for him.

"Dr. Kanata we're really sorry. That will never happen again, I swear." Ben Solo desperately pleaded, thinking that maybe if he said another sorry their resident will change her mind.

  
  
But no. The decision is final the second the surgeon saw an opportunity. "Yeah I know you are. And I also know that that will be the first and last of your public argument. Do the next one in private. If I saw you two are yelling at each other with an audience again I'll just give you a scalpel each to give the hospital a better show. Do I make myself clear?"

  
  
_Crystal_. "Yes Dr. Kanata." They said their confirmation in defeat. They can't talk their way out of it. Their insistent resident left them speechless.

  
  
Diana is unsure what to do. For now the baby is sleeping and she intends it to be that way. "I-" she began to speak, wanting to tell to Ben that she doesn't know how it goes.

But just like the siblings felt earlier, she can still feel her rage beat at the same time as her pulse towards her apparent co-babysitter.


	11. Did You Get Any of That?

**Chapter Eleven: Did You Get Any of That?**

The opportunity and time to ride her anger is taken away from Diana that day. She doesn't have the time to drill to her mind with _Ben Solo is this..._ and _Ben Solo is that..._ because they were ~~asked~~ , compelled, to take good care of their resident's child all day.

  
  
Diana wanted to lash out on Ben and tell him to stop rocking the baby too much because he might get dizzy and puke. She wanted for him to stop doing it because he can see that he's really getting into it. But that satisfaction would only last a few minutes because it would fire back on her, her crankiness would surely wake Tuck up. His long limbs are cradling the child, still clueless that it's not his mother anymore. It will only be a matter of find before he founds out.

  
  
They both know well what their resident doctor is trying to teach them, talking to each to each other without one of them blowing up. They must talk at least cordially to each other to form a plan, delegate all the things a mother has to do. But Diana is still on the verge of his resentment toward his co-intern who's swaying at the moment, like he was not trying to talk his way out of this sanction a few minutes ago.

  
  
His words doesn't affect her anymore, it even makes her stronger. To see someone who has connections from above looking so threatened and perturbed keeps Diana going. It gives her hope that she'll have a good chance to be good at their game without any help. But that was the first time people, civilian people, heard Ben Solo's claims about her competence. She was embarrassed that she's started questioning herself.

  
  
His arms are swinging from left to right. Twenty minutes after their resident passed his son to them, Ben took the responsibility to carry the child because apparently Diana is making him anxious because she's holding the baby too far away from her body. _Great, so he knows more things about handling a child. Another thing to indict me._

  
  
"How do you want to do this Dr. Montgomery?" Ben's voice is hushed.

  
  
She didn't acknowledge his inquiry. _So Tuck is 10 months old and he can eat solids and he still drink milk from the bottle. So that's the agenda for today, keep the baby fed and happy._ Diana recalled her pediatrics subject back in Stanford as she looked inside the baby bag. Dr. Kanata is not joking when every thing his son needs is in there already. _How can a medium bag carry all of this?_

  
  
Ben sensed that even though Diana shows more compassion with the patients than he does, she doesn't have any idea to take care of a baby. It's a dead give away when he saw how she held the child away from her and her obliviousness on what to do next.

  
  
"You're going to have to talk to me at some point. This is Kanata's child that we're taking care of. A slight difference in the style of his hair or we'll be thrown in the curb."

  
  
She's fully aware that she's being stubborn. Diana has the right to be. "What, so you're expecting that I'm going to have a civilized conversation with you after you almost stripped away my competency?"

  
  
The snoozing child looks like a newborn with how small he looks in Ben's arms. Ben chewed the inside of his cheek before answering. "If you don't want to talk, fine. That's your choice. But I just wanted to tell you that you must hold Tuck near you. Put your hands behind his head, the other on his back.

  
  
"You don't need to school me. I know how to hold a child."

  
  
"Really? Because from the looks of it you're scared that you feel he's going to bite your head off."

  
  
When Ben Solo was born, his mother and his father were the happiest people in the world. His mother, Leia, almost threw away the entire career that has been going on in their generation just to be with her newborn. It's the reason AGH became Ben Solo's home. Leia couldn't think straight knowing that his son is waiting for her all day. The young Solo was never deprived of love and affection from his family, that's why he was pulled out from the dark moment that he experienced back in medical school.

  
  
But for Diana, it's a different case. Her mother never failed to remind her that she shouldn't have kids because it slowed down her career. It was only during her postgraduate in Stanford when she realized that her mother suffered from Postpartum Syndrome. She didn't know this but her mother didn't want to breastfeed her even in her hardest cries as a baby, it was only because of her father's wishes that she gave in. Diana can't think of a single happy moment that she shares with her mother, all of it are with her dad. 

  
  
Han and Leia didn't push Ben into wanting anything. If he wanted to be a pilot, he got to be a pilot. If he wanted to be a surgeon, he got to be one. If he didn't like both, it's fine for them. They just wanted him to be happy. Han bought him the most elegant calligraphy set he could find when he found out that his son is into it. It was one of his hobbies that stuck to him.

  
  
In many of Ben's one-sided conversation with her, he suggested that each of them will take full responsibility if one is out to do their scheduled rounds. For an hour, Diana has to do everything on her own.

  
  
She tried to pull the child closer to her like Ben taught him. "Uhhhh. Okay, okay." She whispered to Tuck. But it felt like it's really for her. "You're okay. You're fine."

  
  
But like always, the universe likes to pull a little trick on her. Tuck begins to stir from his sleep. His small arms flailed as he silently yawned. "Oh, oh no. Shh it's fine. Go back to sleep." She carefully stood up and cradle him more. Trying her best to mirror Ben's actions.

  
  
The sobs started, the rocking didn't do any good. Diana felt like the it made the child more agitated. "Hey. Hey. Whatdoyouneedwhatdoyouneedwhatdoyouneed?" She is panic-stricken. "Are you hungry? Do you want food?" She laid Tuck on the mattress, a fluffy white blanket was over it to make him more comfortable.

  
  
Diana doesn't like the feeling when she's unsure of what she's doing. It makes her heart race and her mind spin. She likes to have a little bit of control on things. That's why facing babies or kids scare her in the utmost sense. They just cry and it's up to the adult on how do they want to perceive them.

  
  
As fast as she can, Diana put the formula in the lukewarm water and shake it. "Here you go. Here's your food." She hovered the milk bottle to his mouth for him to take it. Tucked pushed it away, indicating that his crying is not about food.

"You don't like it? Uhhh, what do I do now?"

Like child responded with a fit of cries.

_I don't speak that language..._

  
  
That's two things now. She cradled him back to sleep, wrong. She gave her food, wrong. Diana knows what's left.

"There you go, play with your toy while I handle this." She rattled his toy above him. Tuck is still not paying attention, his cries starting to pierce through her ears.

  
  
Looks about right.

  
  
Ben Solo couldn't finish his rounds any sooner.

  
  
She lifted up Tuck's feet to wipe out any remnants stuck at the back of his thigh. The smell of their place would be a little less inviting for her exhausted co-interns for now. Diana is breathing through her mouth as she tried her best to make it all gone.

  
  
"Look at your toy. Cool right? Now please play with it. You're moving too much I can't place your new diaper correctly." She tried to melodically sing with her quivering voice.

  
  
"Did he poop?" Finally, Ben finished his rounds. He kneeled beside Diana to see how well she's handling the incident.

Not quite well.

  
  
"Uhhh, obviously. He pooped. Feces... Baby feces. And now I'm changing his diaper." She unfastened the sides of the diaper, uncertain where things are supposed to go.

  
  
Her anxiety began to show in her face. Her breathing is on edge, long strands of her hair escaped the tightness of her ponytail. A metaphor that she's spiraling out of control. Diana is scared because Tuck has been crying for a solid minute now, she's overthinking that his lungs can't take it.

  
  
As much as he want to watch her in amusement, Ben offered a helping hand between the lines. "Are you having trouble with the diaper, Dr. Montgomery."

  
  
"No. I've got a... I've got a MD from Stanford and a Phd from Berkeley. I can handle this diaper. Just- just play with him. Grab his toy and shake it above him."

  
  
Diana really thought the unusualness would stop. His weather asking is just a pre-game. Right now, Ben Solo is distracting the baby with his exaggerated expression and ultra-soft voice.

  
  
"One and a two and a three and a four.... heeeelllloo."

  
  
"Don't. Don't use the baby talk to him. I mean, yeah go ahead and talk but use your normal voice." This is like building an IKEA furniture all over again.

  
  
"I can't be enthusiastic to him? He's not hungry. Why did you make a formula?" Ben uncapped the blue nipple from the bag. "He's just teething, look." His voice is enamored.

Silence spilled on the abandoned hallway.

  
  
Diana huffed in satisfaction, she just doesn't want the baby to get fatigued from crying. "Why would I know that? You know what, don't answer it. Just- I'm going to lift him." She started with his shoulders and carefully held him in an upright position, situating him on her side.

  
  
"You got it?" Ben took the obligation to fold the blanket and clean the space.

  
  
"Of course I got him. He's not fussing. Right, Tuck?" Her free hand held the child's leg for extra support.

  
  
"Bounce him."

  
  
"Why would I need to bounce him? He's fine just the way he is."

  
  
"I know. But just do it. It makes him comfortable."

  
  
It's stiff at first because Diana is not convinced that it's a good thing to shake the baby too often. But she tried to not stand in one place to not bore Tuck.

His interested eyes wandered, before stopping to look at Diana. Babies in his age are in social age. Tuck's tiny little hands mapped her face, recognizing the unfamiliar visage next to him.

  
  
Not long enough, it hooked on to her prescription glasses. It looks like he found a new toy to play with, enjoying the black frames like one of his colorful rattles while Diana lost her eyesight. Completely stopping from bouncing the baby up and down.

"Oh you like my glasses huh?" 

  
  
"Solo." She said, choosing her words carefully. Diana doesn't want to come out very needy "Get a toy. He's playing with my glasses. I'm legally blind."

  
  
She saw a huge blurry figure approach them. Professionally removing her "eyesight" from the grasp of a 10-month old baby.

  
  
"This looks better right? Do you want this? It's more fun. Look." She can hear his voice smiling, convincing the child that the blue and yellow silicone caterpillar Ben is holding is better.

  
  
Tuck would've dropped the glasses to the floor if Ben wasn't already holding on to it. "Here you go." He said, holding the glasses by its temples and pushed it back to her eyes. His knuckles brushed on the sides of her face, modestly feeling the escaped strands of her hair. 

Everything became clear again.

  
  
"Thank you."  
  
\----

It's a miracle Diana made it to lunch. Any moment now she will lose it. When the babysitting started, she was only worrying about Tuck. Then Ben joined the club. He's clearly having the time of his life. Just a while ago Ben was scolding Diana because she was carrying him so far away from her. But now he was lifting him high in the air. Diana could swear that she almost had a heart attack when she saw the head of the baby almost reached the ceiling when he lifted his arms.

  
  
"Let me carry him." Ben whispered as they approached their lunch table as he rubbed Tuck's soft back. The baby bag hung in his shoulder. They saw their friends are already enjoying their meals from afar.

  
  
"I just got back from my rounds Solo. You've been carrying and lifting him for almost an hour now. It's my time. I will not drop him like you think." She clutched the baby farther away from him.

  
  
"Yes, hello to your mother's minions." Diana joked as they sat down. Waves of awes are heard in their circle as her co-interns saw the very cute and very calm Tuck. That is all Ben's doing.

  
  
"Can I carry him?" Rose pleaded. Out of the five of them, she's the one who really wanted to know the child.

  
  
Diana made a careful maneuver to pass the child to the eager Rose. Her eyes are full of excitement as she finally held him. "Yeah sure. Go ahead."

  
  
Rose and Armie gave the child faces full of keenness. Armie is trying his best to receive a reaction from the baby as he made different kinds of faces. Tuck just stared back at them.

  
  
"You look rough." Poe winced as he pushed an extra tray towards her. One for her and one for Ben. I know I look rough, Diana repeated the statement to herself.

  
  
"Thanks Poe."

  
  
Ben is already prepping the pouch, swirling the banana, apples, pineapple and granola flavored mush into the bright blue bowl. They kept their lunch untouched. Tuck's meal is the priority at this hour. "I'm gonna feed him." He volunteered, not glancing at her direction because he already knows the what's going to be her answer.

  
  
"What? No. I'm going to feed him. It's my hour remember?" _How many this do I have to reiterate that to him?_ Diana pulled the bowl from from his hand, with the span of his huge palm surrounding the bowl, touching each other cannot be prevented.

  
  
The two have been touching each other too many times today. Their arms are often pressed against each other to hold Tuck. Ben's hands dwarfed hers when she's passing him a bottle of formula or various toys until the child finds out what he likes. His clogs always inadvertently grazes hers. 

The idea of space was thrown in the window every time they pass Tuck at each other, acting like both of them are afraid that a gap is an invitation to the floor.

  
  
"You're still fighting over the baby?" It's not a question, Finn told them what he's seeing.

  
  
"They are still fighting over the baby." Poe confirmed his partner's statement.

  
  
\---  
The rest of the day Ben didn't give Diana the chance to carry the child for more than 20 minutes. He wanted to keep Tuck for himself by telling Diana that she'd been holding him for too long now even though that's not the case.

  
  
"Please stop throwing him high up in the air! I'm going to pass out Solo I swear."

  
  
_Not long ago they went into another discourse because Tuck was fussy again. Ben thought that he could be hungry, Diana thought otherwise and thinking the he wanted a nap. But after taking turns rocking him for 3 minutes, he's still thrashing. Only the mother would settle this dispute._

  
  
_They entered the gallery in a rush. Maz Kanata is in the middle of a surgery. Tuck's giraffe cloth is draped on Ben's shoulders where the head of the crying baby is placed._

  
  
_Diana feverishly pressed the intercom, carrying her frantic voice below the OR. "Dr. Kanata... he's crying. Solo keeps telling that he's hungry but he just ate an hour ago."_

  
  
_As calm as every the resident answered. "Let me her him Montgomery."_

  
  
_Tuck's cries are becoming louder. "I'm sorry doctor I didn't hear you."_

  
  
_"Put him closer to the mic."_

  
  
_She pulled Ben's huge arm, telling him to place Tuck near the mic of the intercom. His cries pierced down below, the nurses and OR tech stopped what they were doing for a minute._

  
  
_"That's cry number four. Solo's right, you need to feed him."_

  
  
_"I told you."_  
  
  
Ben and their resident's son are in a giggling fit when she practically ran towards them. Diana didn't want to see Tuck flying in the air again.

  
  
"You're exaggerating." Ben said, nozzling the head of the child. His lips hovered in Tuck's soft hairs. "He's loving it."

  
  
He then turned the baby over in his stomach. His large palms holding his back and tummy as he pulled Tuck forward and backward towards her, mimicking the feeling of flying. "See. He likes it."

  
  
"It's making me neurotic. He might slip off if you don't hold him properly." She said, tickling the sides of the baby every time he comes near to her.

  
  
"He won't. Trust me." He didn't sound patronizing to her. He's really asking her to really put her trust on him this time.

  
  
_Trust me._ They are already on their 5th month of their internship, but it never crossed once her mind to "trust" him.

It's true babies make adults soft.

  
  
So she just let him be, silently agreeing that he got it. Unlike Diana, Ben is really enjoying his time with the kid. He didn't even think of it as a punishment anymore.

She said to herself that as the days go by, their loathing at each other just keeps getting worse. But the signs he show of him being human go along with it. Diana feels like the long lists of reasons why she hates him is slowly becoming shorter and shorter. Only holding on to his taciturn actions towards her.

  
  
Later on, Tuck finally felt the exhaustion and slowly fell asleep vertically on his lap. The two interns are sitting together, watching the baby's chest rise and fall.

  
  
"His hair is so floppy." Diana said in wonder as her palm felt the soft tips of the child's hair.

  
  
Ben hummed his smile, watching his co-intern's hand softly pick the inky hair of the slumbering child.

  
  
Diana leaned down, her arm brushed against him as she came closer to his lap. She's curious why Ben keeps snuggling his nose and mouth to his head. She took a long drag, inhaling the mesmerzing scent of the baby. 

She gets it.

  
  
Silence only comes for them in two types: awkward and eventually. But this time, it's more than just stillness and quiet. Diana felt the tranquility, the calmless made their touching shoulders mellow. The air shifted, it isn't thick and heavy anymore. Diana felt it. Ben did too.

  
  
"I think I may have.... responded more forcibly than needed this morning." Ben murmured, eyes still adoring the tiny person having a sleeping on his lap.

  
  
Diana giggled. Not the ridiculing one that she makes when Ben Solo says something that's is completely opposite of what she thinks of or believes in. "You think?"

  
  
"Oh yeah. I think." He playfully retorded, replaying their commotion in his mind made him laugh. _It was silly._

Their long overdue conversation started. But only in subtext.

  
  
"It should've been Lidocane all along. Not Verapamil." _You were right all along._ Diana confessed.

  
  
"That wasn't a good reason for me to act like that." _That is not an enough reason to be an asshole to you. None of my motivations weren't enough explanation to treat you the way I do._

  
  
"I think there's a part of me that makes you act that way." _I am an enabler. That's why I bring the worst in you._

  
  
"Armie thinks I found my match. He says that you're one that can defy me." _There is a part of you that makes me act this way._

_"_ You didn't have any competition back in med school?"

"None." _You're the first one who caught my attention._

  
  
"So you're threatened by my presence?" Diana grinned, playfully contesting Ben.

  
  
_Stop that._ "Will you considered it as a win if I said yes?" _You make me restless, it annoys me every time._

  
  
Diana didn't talk anymore. She just smiled AT him. _If today is a fever dream, might as well do things that I would never do in a normal day._ Her smile extended well beyond the mouth paired a squinty eyes.

A real, genuine smile.

  
  
"You're correct, it is a nice weather we're having today."

"That's what I've been telling you Diana. I'm glad you think the same."

The smile is the button that made Ben Solo's mind stopped functioning. They didn't know how long they are staring at each other. His eyes blazed like torches, devouring her beauty. While hers are as mellow as the sky in sunset, a newfound respect.

  
  
Ben Solo can feel it again in his fingertips, the excruciating seconds of anticipation that seem to last for hours. This time, he's not sure that he has the strength to prevent it.

  
  
Silence.  
  
  
  


  
  
"Oh, I have a feeling that we interrupted something." Another presence entered the hallway. It's Poe and Armie, they just finished the surgery that was intended for Ben to scrub in.  
  
  
The bubble that they recently build burst in an instant. They became hyper-aware on how they close they are. Ben and Diana pulled back.

He cleared his throat, his posture is perfect again. Back at being attentive. Diana just gave them a signal. A finger on her lips.

He's sleeping.

The thing is, the words that people have a hard time understanding share the same root words. Afrikaans and Dutch are mutually intelligible. It's been said that Afrikaans is a daughter of Dutch, so people with different nationalities could easily understand each other. Though different in grammatical structures, Dutch and German share the same vocabularies as well. Same goes to Spanish and Italian. Spanish and Tagalog, a Filipino dialect. "Kumusta" in Filipino means "How are you?" while ¿Cómo estás? in Spanish means the same thing.

But miscommunication is always lurking in the distance. People take the words of the other people and take its context into a different meaning. Tourists are taught not to say "Bien Fait" to locals because when they want to say "Good Job" because of the context of the sentence. It's a phrase used for revenge, it means serves you right. Even though people know that Bien means good/well and Fait means done. The subtext is a kick in the gut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! what are your thoughts? :)
> 
> i uploaded the story on wattpad.  
> All Fun and Games Until... by kywowen_  
> come by and say hi!


	12. A Different Perspective

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.google.com/search?q=adam+driver+actors+roundtable&client=ms-android-oppo-rev1&prmd=ivn&sxsrf=ALeKk01gFAb0l-WL08RBYbY9v-B1fIuFLg:1593384401841&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiWo4y6y6XqAhVRa94KHf9PA8cQ_AUoAXoECAwQAQ&biw=424&bih=829#imgrc=HbliBRz0EaNz6M&imgdii=bREhWQs-zPyKiM
> 
> ben solo's attire
> 
> for better immersion: https://youtu.be/04XXV7EEtXs  
> https://youtu.be/qEVYNk2lmko

**Chapter Twelve: A Different Perspective**

The change began very gradually. Slow, but it's a definite shift. The week after the babysitting debacle, the two archrivals didn't talk to each other, there was no fighting. Even in the slightest sense. Diana didn't voice out her disagreement so Ben didn't have any reason to oppose her. But since their fights are like clockwork to their friends, they expected for the worst to come. An accumulation of some sort for the next week.

Then that next week came, the three were all strapped and ready. But nothing came, not even a hint of snide remark from Diana. Or any deliberate actions from Ben to receive any snooty comments from her. It was a total radio silence. Poe has a theory that the baby broke the two of them. Seeing them so close at each other at the end of that day made him think that the two finally make amends.

Finn entered the locker room briskly, his lunch tray on his hand. "We waited to three of you in the table for half an hour. My stomach is rumbling."

Ben and Armie followed behind him, trays both on their hands.

"I told you to already eat your lunch. Diana here is in the bit of a dilemma." Poe answered Finn, leaning on his locker with his hands on his hips.

"Yeah, but I just thought that you just said what you said. What's the dilemma?"

"It's date night." Rose answered, waiting outside in the bathroom door. "Apparently Diana doesn't have a single good thing to wear tonight and just bought three dresses. She's at crossroads."

"No, no." Diana's voice muffle inside the small compartment. " _You and Poe_ are at crossroads not me. The old dress that I showed to you is what I was going to wear before you told me to buy new ones."

"Diana, it's a date. Not a meeting. That dress looks like you're going to going to represent the man in a court hearing." Poe said. It feels like he's been saying that her over and over again.

"A _dinner_ date." Diana corrected, her voice is leaning as he fixed the dress behind the door.

"Potato potato." Rose commented the indifference.

The doorknob rattled. Diana exited the room wearing a strapless red dress, still wearing her scrub pants. She extended her hands, demanding an answer from Poe and Rose if it's the right dress for tonight.

"You look hot. It's either that or the black one." Rose said

"Good. Hot is good. Poe?" Diana asked.

He didn't feel like answering yet. "Where did you meet this guy again anyway Diana? We spend almost everyday here in the hospital yet you find a guy not working in one. What are the chance?" A jab. To someone sitting in the benches.

Finn's salad hovered near his mouth. "Huh? Ben is also going on a date."

Poe immediately pulled his eyelids apart wider than needed to signal the warning to Finn. The inside news travels fast to the six of them. They all thought of what Finn was getting into when Armie passed the news that Ben Solo also has a date tonight. But he didn't give any name, making Diana the mystery woman out of all the interns and nurses that like him. Only to be debunked by Diana herself when she told the name to Rose and Poe.

They knew it was a reach. Ben and Diana going on a date when they didn't even have a normal conversation yet. Their dispute thankfully died down, but their full-on not talking at each other now. The title queen and kings of wishful thinking go to them.

Diana removed her ponytail and scratched her hair, creating its true volume. Imagining what would she look like with a different style. "I told you. I met him on the way home on the train. Tall. Cute. Shy. Funny." She's acting like she didn't hear what Finn said, Diana thinks it's none of her business.

She put all of her hair on her back and tucked it behind her ear. "Okay, we could get paged any second now. Now choose."

"Turn around." Poe suggested, really thinking the proper dress for her friend. "Rose is right. That and the black one are the top two. . . Out of the three that you've shown us."

"Then let's see the black one again." Diana is starting to get antsy. She haven't had lunch yet and Armie's turkey sandwich looks so appetizing. Right there, in front of all of them, she mindlessly removed the dress. She didn't think much about it that her whole intern group is watching her.

"And his name?" Armie asked.

"His name is Jason."

"Is it serious?" Finn chimed in. Asking Diana all these questions like she's in a press con.

It seems like all of them didn't pay much attention to the half-naked Diana except for one.

"No. I don't even think it that it was a big of a deal before I told it to Rose this morning. It's just dinner. People talk and then eat." She explained, sporting her coral balconette bra for a minute as she put on the black dress.

Diana has an copious size of chest to begin with, but with that bra that she's wearing that pushes them up for a firmer and more rounded appearance at the top, she surely got someone's attention.

She waddled next to Rose and asked her to close it for her.

"Does Jason knows you're a doctor?" Rose smoothed out the fabric before tapping her to say that it's done.

"No." Diana breathed out as she leaned down to pull her scrub pants, looking at her true appearance with the more favored dress. She actually feels good. The knee-length dress showcased her beauty the straight, austere cotton scrubs is unable to give. Who would've thought that's possible.

"I can talk to a stranger for a solid 30 minutes without flexing that I'm a surgeon." She grunted, maintaining the discussion as she put on her heels while standing up. Legs fully straight, backside up in the air.

"Let me get this straight. You met a stranger on the train. Talked to that stranger for 30 minutes and you agreed to go on a date with him?" Finn dubiously summarized the origin of Diana's plan for tonight.

She turned around, showing the final look to them. "Dinner." She corrected. "And I'm not hard to please."

Diana walked towards Armie, she really needs something to eat right that instant. "That looks nice, can I have some?"

"Go ahead." Armie said, moving the sandwich near her. "You look like you need some."

"Thanks. You have no idea."

———

"I'm sorry if I said this to you for a numerous times now. But you look nice tonight." Jason, a timid man with a lean build sitting across at the table, complimented Diana who is in the middle of devouring her steak.

"Oh, thank you." She laughed, putting her hand over her mouth. "Sorry, I've never been on this set up for quite some time so I don't know how to act."

"So far you're doing good." He chuckled. "You asked me how my day was and I asked yours. That's a good start."

"Well I'm glad that I'm on a right track. Tell me if I did something wrong though, don't run right away."

"I doubt that." His eyes twinkled in adoration. Jason seems like a very kind and charming guy.

The night she met Jason, he was silently reading a William Carlos William book. Diana was the one who strike up a conversation with the man, saying that she had never saw someone read that book since she was in high school.

"Well, I was told that you shouldn't let poets lie to you." She teased, swirling the foot of her glass of Bordeaux in the table.

"Why do they think that?" Jason asked as he enjoyed a morsel of his lobster.

"I don't know. They romanticize everything I guess?"

He raised an eyebrow. "And that's bad thing?"

"I'm not a romantic. . . Wait a minute, is that a trick question?" Diana slightly panicked, thinking that she said the wrong thing.

He just laughed at himself. "There are no wrong and right answers at a date."

"Oh, this is a date then?" Diana tugged her lip. For the first time since forever, she's wearing a lipstick. Because there's no good reason for her to wear one at work. A Chapstick would suffice.

"You can call it whatever you want. Date, meeting, dinner, you choose."

"I'm sticking with dinner..." She played with her food. Her mind is blank on what to say next. "Sooo, what's the next step?"

"Well, we eat the main course..." Jason looked up, acting like he's in deep thought as he enumerated the play by play. "Then the dessert... Then we finish the wine... Then we say good bye. Then I'll hope we catch each other on the bus again."

"Precise. But I'm actually asking about what are we going to talk about next." Diana giggled embarassedly. She has actually no idea to talk about.

"Why don't you start on your career? Then we keep the ball rolling." Jason put his elbows on the table, interested on what she's about to say.

Before Diana could say anything, a table from across the room grumbled. The table groaned as the silverware tinkered. A guy suddenly collapsed on the floor, the other customers gasped in shock.

A woman who was joined by the collapsed man kneeled near him. In a panic filled voice she shouted, "Oh my god help! Is there a doctor in here?"

Diana immediately stood up, carelessly placing the table napkin in her chair. "There's your answer... I'm so sorry Jason. Excuse me." She apologetically smiled.

This is it. This is her life and her career will be forever breathing down on her neck when she's doing anything other than that.

It seems like Diana is not the only doctor in that restaurant that night. Because when she approached the man, a tall figure came near in the scene.

With a pressed black formal blazer that accentuates his broad shoulders and a crisp white dress shirt, first button near his neck is unfastened, Ben Solo looks like he's on his way to an awards show.

"Call 911" Diana said to the woman, not wasting any minute.

"He couldn't be having a heartburn. I thought he was choking." The woman frantically said as she dialed the emergency.

"Solo? You're here." Diana said, perplexed at the appearance of her co-intern in the restaurant. Remembering only eventually that he also had a date.

"Yes, I am. Pulse?" Ben asked Diana if the man is alive. Not caring a bit about his Oxfords that's bent with his position.

She's feeling the carotid vein of the unconscious man to feel his pulse. "Yes. But it's rapid and unequal."

"Look at this." Getting the attention of Diana. He is lifting the wrist of the man. "The length of his fingers."

Diana quickly caught on what he's trying to say. "With that size he's got to be atleast 6'4." But looking at it, he's only somewhere between 5'11 to 6'0.

"Marfan's" They said the diagnosis simultaneously.

The woman is clueless on what they are saying at each other. "What's does my husband's fingers have to do with anything?"

"Your husband is showing classic markers for Marfan's syndrome."

Ben elaborated the effect of the syndrome in the simplest terms. "It means that the walls of his blood vessels are weak. That's why he lost consciousness."

"We need an ambulance."

"Fast." Ben said, agreeing on Diana's decision. "He could be dissected here and then get him to the OR."

_Dissected?_ "Before his aorta ruptures?"

"Yes."

Soon enough, the paramedics came into the restaurant. Curious diners are watching the whole scene unfolds. Diana and Ben are the only people in the place who knows what to do. They are up in their feet, trying their very best to keep the man's heart beating. Whispers and gasps overlayed the soft piano playing in the background. The soft, relaxing atmosphere is disrupted.

Dian took the responsibility to give the E.R a heads up by calling them that there's an incoming patient. "We have a dissected thoracic aorta. We need a CT cleared and an O.R ready."

Ben, on the other hand, is talking to the paramedics as they wheel the patient out of the restaurant. "Start another large boar IV. Continue the high flow O2. Transport him with sirens and lights to Alderaan Grace."

He quickly walked over to her and, being the true gentleman that he is, helped Diana to put on her coat. "Is Dr. Pryde still on call?"

"Oh, thank you." She said as she slip her arms on the thick sleeves. "Yes, he still is. I just asked."

"We have to go. Will your date give you a ride to the hospital?" He asked, putting on his own coat.

"No, I just told him to go home." Diana said weakly. "I'll just ride on the ambulance." She pulled her hair that got stuck on the her neck of her coat.

"Diana, don't he absurd." Ben told her as his eyes roamed, an ambulance seems inappropriate with her tonight's outfit. "I'll give you a ride. Let's go." His palm is already on her lower back, while his other his other is shoved in the pocket of his trousers that made his legs slimmer and longer, ready to guide her outside.

Ben Solo's ability to look even more handsome is unimaginable at this point.

"What- Where's your date?" Diana's feet are still not moving. She moved her head around to find Ben's company for tonight.

But he didn't even bother to look behind him. "She's already gone. So let's go."

"What? You let her go without you giving her a ride home?" With his pushing hand, she didn't have any choice to go with the flow.

"She insisted."

Ben's car couldn't be anymore of a bachelor's insignia. He guided Diana to the passenger's seat of the black Porsche 911 Carrera. The automobile let out a pur as Ben ignited it. Even in backing up the car and turning the steering wheel, he's still giving that intense gaze mixed with a light scowl.

With that dashing ensemble he's wearing, the obviously expensive watch on his wrist and his car, he looks like a true millionaire's son. He's really living up his name.

The Seattle night lights whirred on the window as he drove the car. Only the roaring engine underneath them and the relaxing interior car white noise filled the silence.

Ben made an overtake, the car roared even louder. One more acceleration and they're going to be pulled over. "Solo, your date is not with us. Stop showing off."

He pulled the shift at the right time, Ben let the engine exhale as they went slower. "You're not wearing any glasses." He said, his eyes checking the side view mirrors.

"Contacts. Got to make good first impressions on the first date." Diana said, her head leaning on the glass as she watched the passing buildings.

"And wearing glasses is not a good impression?" He retorted.

Ben and Diana could imaginary raised their white flags, but that doesn't mean that the witty comments would stop, it would just be less harsh.

"Touché. I just wanted to try something new."

A pause.

"You look amazing tonight. Nothing new about that."

Diana whipped her head to look at Ben whose eyes still on the road. He said like it's the most normal thing on Earth. His stance still stoic as ever.

She just stared at him. If Diana is the first one to open a discussion with him with no underlying attack, Ben is the first one to throw a compliment. Their equal now.

"What?" Ben gave her a quick glance. "Your date didn't say that?"

"He did. He did many times, yeah." Diana shook her head. She just realized that other than their casual clothes when arriving at the hospital every morning and the scrubs, this is the first time she saw Ben outside Alderaan Grace. Wearing a formal wear, wearing (a)an (more than) appropriate outfit for a date.

If they're throwing compliments tonight, Diana decided to say one. "You look good as well."

———

Their other co-interns are gone for the day, they are not on call anymore unless they are paged for an emergency. So Dr. Pryde picked the two of them to assist him in the surgery.

They are the only interns in the lockers tonight, a dress and a perfectly-tailored suit aren't the best outfit for a thoracic and heart surgery.

Without Armie to talk to someone about how unusual the patient is, Ben took the opportunity to share his amusement to Diana. "Did you see that Echo a while ago? That dissection isn't subtle."

They are like two kids who just got their presents on Christmas morning.

"I know. Did you see that wingspan? Jeez, that pectus carinatum is out of this world." Diana subtly tried to pull the zipper on the back of her dress. Her arms are not long are not long enough to reach it. She would've pulled the hem of the dress but it they're on a time constraint.

"What about his palate?" Ben saw it right away that she's struggling. "Do you need help?" He asked as he closed his locker.

"That's the true definition of high arched." Diana turned her back on him and pulled her hair to the side "Oh, can you? Thank you so much."

With her giddy demeanor due to an unannouced scrub in to an interesting surgery, Ben Solo zipping down her dress is the last thing she's thinking.

Ben hastily pulled down the copper silver tucked in the black fabric, he thought that her skin seemed to glow. _She's not wearing a bra._ He's sure he's going to have a hard time removing that and morning's image in his mind.

———

After a mind-boggling surgery, Dr. Enric Pryde ordered the two interns to tell the news to the wife who's pacing back and forth to the waiting room.

"The surgery went on for 3 hours but it went perfectly. All we have to do is wait now and and see how he's doing when he wakes up." Ben explained.

The wife let out a shaky sigh of relief, finally slumping down on the chair as the two are still standing up on the other side of the table. "How did this happen?"

"Almost every patient with a Marfan's has an aorta that fails. It's just a matter of when." Diana said.

"Thank you so much. It was a good thing that the two of you are having dinner at the restaurant when it happened."

Diana felt like she have to correct some misunderstanding. "Oh no Mrs.-"

"It was." Ben interrupted her. "Take care."

Diana has no spare comfortable clothes in her locker except for scrubs that she'll use for tomorrow. So she had no choice to wear the black dress again.

"Solo, this is the last time I swear." She said, walking towards him. "But can you please zip it up? I have a feeling I'm never going to wear this thing again."

Ben doubts that. "No attempt #2?" Diana didn't pull her hair, giving him the opportunity to do it. His fingers held her whole hair as he pushed it to the side. Diana felt something, she felt a shock on a small part on the nape of her neck that Ben's fingers touched.

"I guess so. He seems like a great guy. But I know that I'm always going to be interrupted." Diana laughed. "Why am I even telling this to you?"

He held her bare shoulder to tell her that it's done. Ben's intuition is right, it is smooth. "Because Rose is not here. And Poe. Or Armie and Finn."

She grinned. "Yeah, that." Diana couldn't help to feel down. Nothing was wrong on the person that she had dinner with for only 40 minutes, it was the impending presence of her internship that ruined the date. Despite being compensated by an amazing surgery, it still sucks. "Ugh, I didn't even get to finish my steak frites."

In his most reserved voice, Ben said, "Where do you want to stop by? I'm giving you a ride home."

"Nowhere. I have a half-eaten rotiserrie chicken waiting for me. And no, I can ride the train home. You don't have to do that."

He just gave her a look of disbelief that clearly says that they shouldn't have this conversation anymore. "Well it's your lucky day Diana. I have a car."

As soon as they opened the glass doors of Alderaan Grace, the sky rumbled. Not long after that, the rain started to pour down hard, the parking spot of the hospital became blurry infront of them.

Diana immediately pulled her travel umbrella from her bag and opened it. "You don't have yours?"

Ben is just wearing his coat, no bag. "I left my mine in the car."

"We'll just share then. Mine is too small so prepare to get your fancy suit wet." Dian pushed herself closer to Ben, attempting to make both of their figures covered by her umbrella. She can smell his perfume from where she's standing, Sauvage by Dior. Diana is lying to herself if she said that he doesn't smell intoxicating. It perfectly suits Ben Solo, the scent is not overwhelming in an instant, but it's commanding and powerful. Cultured. Clean. Diana remembers the fresh and crisp smell of freshly-laundered linen sheets. The feeling of safetiness by just being close to him lulled Diana.

Ben couldn't care less with his suit.

"Okay, ready?" Diana asked.

"As I'll ever be."

"We run on 3. One... Two... Three!"

His Oxfords and her heels clicked on the wet pavement. Diana's right. The umbrella only did a few things to cover them up, but their shoulders and legs experienced that usual cold Seattle rain. Ben effortlessly held her entire waist as they ran, they couldn't help to laugh and giggle at how silly they must've look like.

Diana yelled over the rain to tell Ben to hold her umbrella after walking her to the passenger seat. She felt bad that he has to clean another leather interior seat, but he doesn't even think that it's big of a deal.

Most of her scheduled date night was spent with Ben Solo, surgery, driving, and running in the rain with Ben after the surgery and driving her home.

If one has to look at a different perspective, Diana looked like she had a date with Ben Solo. But she's looking at it in a different way.

At the end of the day, Poe Dameron got it right. The two finally made amends. It took a babysitting job, almost three weeks of silence, an emergency in the restaurant, a surgery and a dramatic rain to make it all happen. And they say that Poe is the one who has a thing for being dramatic.


	13. Calm Before The Storm

**Chapter Thirteen: Calm Before The Storm**

The two formed a silent agreement that they didn't have to tell their friends what went down that night. Not because something crazy happened, but they felt like the whole night is only for the both of them to keep. They didn't even dare to admit it to themselves (and they never will), but it felt intimate and private.

A vague answer from the both of them were just the information their friends received. Diana simply said hers didn't go well as planned, end of story. Ben said that his date skipped the dessert because she had an early agenda tomorrow morning that night (still a mystery for everyone).

They didn't even mention that they were in the same restaurant to prevent further questions.The group gave them a pair of sorry eyes. Diana just replied that maybe it was a doctor's curse.

It's Wednesday morning and Armie and Diana are talking about their shared patient when Ben, out of nowhere, took the empty seat beside her. It's Poe's unmarked seat, that where he's been sitting since the beginning of their internship. Only to be occupied by Ben when they were taking care of Maz Kanata's son and apparently. . . today.

Finn, though there’s still a vacant seat on his right, looked startled. His eyes were shooting Rose and Armie a signal, checking if they saw what just happened and to make sure he's not having a fever dream.

They did, they absolutely did.

Ben Solo and Diana Montgomery never sit or stand next to one another. It’s the unwritten rule. Their auras can be considered as two north magnets, always repelling each other. Alderaan Grace Hospital seems like it’s not big for the two of them. So Ben's simple act of sitting next to her caught everyone's eyes. He had a hard time initiating a small talk with Diana weeks ago (it was all Rose's idea) but now he did it with no one forcing him to do so.

"So Holdo. . ." Armie's words buckled when he saw what happened. “. . .Holdo told us it’s myxopapillary ependymoma, it's 95% operable right? That's a good statistics to hold on." He sliced his salad into small bite size pieces, trying his best to keep his eyes on Diana.

"It is." Diana neatly opened her roast beef and provolone sandwich and pulled out the first diagonal slice. Ben’s near presence didn’t even surprise her. If he did that a month earlier, his butt wouldn't even touch the edge of the seat without Diana spewing at least three harsh words at him. "But the parents got freaked out when Holdo mentioned that their daughter has a tumor in her spinal canal."

"But that kind of tumor is aggressive." The chicken that was in his fork plopped back in the bowl, a representation of Armie's emotion right now. "Surgery is still a go?"

Five meters away from the table, Poe Dameron stopped on his tracks. Astounded and intrigued that it’s not vacant anymore. Among the rest of them, he's the only one who have doubts that nothing happened on the night Diana was supposed to have a dinner date. No wonder the guy excels in general surgery, he could see every single little thing.

"Absolutely.” Diana chews her food as she keeps twisting the cap of the ice cold Snapple, but the silver top of the drink keeps on sliding off in her hands.

A huge hand reached for the sweet drink and removed it from her grasp. Ben effortlessly popped the Snapple open and gave it back to her without any ceremonies. He did it like it's a reflex, like he's on auto-pilot.

"Thank you. And yes, the patient is already 18. She can make decisions on her own."

The words rolling off in their table abruptly stopped. All of them ceased on moving except for the two. Ben is still flipping the pages of his journal, his eyes are looking down as he absorbs the notes he recently jotted down. Pad of his thumb mindlessly plays the embossed middle part of the cap while Diana enjoys her refreshing Snapple.

"Okay. I have to acknowledge this." Poe put down his fork, always the first one to recognize the elephant in the room. "What's going on with you two?" he asked, raising his pointer and middle finger and pointing it to the two of them.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Ben nonchalantly answered, only giving Poe a small glance before putting his focus on his journal again.

"Oh-okay. You have no idea what I'm talking about?" He retorted. His interrogating eyes fell on Diana, demanding an answer.

"You two don't talk at each other, I mean at least civilly. It's kind of scaring us." Rose is relieved and terrified at the same time. Who wouldn't be? It may be a part of their elaborate plan to get back at each other.

Like short interlude before their next act.

"We do. We talk to each other." Diana turned her body to Ben as she awaits for his confirmation. "Right?"

"Hmm?" Ben raised his head, his long fingers rest near his mouth as he pulled himself out of concentration. His gaze wandered on her face for a minute to situate himself. "Yeah. Yeah we do."

Diana tilted her head and smiled at Rose. "See?"

"So that's it?" Finn reassured that the war has come to an end. "He's not a wannabe Mr. Darcy to his long line of suitors anymore?"

"I'm a wannabe Mr. Darcy to you?" Ben's voice is full of amusement.

"You still have a long line of interns and nurses waiting for you. That's the highest compliment you'll ever receive from me." But she did say that he looked good last Friday.

"Sure, I'll take it."

"Oh, God." Poe theatrically exhaled. "It's really over huh." It feels like the end of an era. Pomp and circumstance should be playing in the background right now.

"I guess." Diana shrugged her shoulders as she took another bite of her lunch.

It seems like it's a delay to all of them because the two didn't feel the need to announce that their white flags have been raised for quite some time now.

All of Poe's indirect questions and statements to Diana that were meant for Ben to be heard didn't do anything. Rose's unending ideas to push him to open a chat with her weren't also a success.

They formulated many plans to make the two not hate each other's guts, it didn't bring them anywhere. Their friends all thought they were a lost case.

But all they have to do was to let them ride it through and wait for the universe to do its thing.

It just only took a solid five months.

Seeing them talk to each other cordially without an outside force sent them into a whiplash. It looks so bizarre to watch them address each other, , , normally.

\---

Diana is in too deep in concluding the patient's paperwork in the nurse's station. Her elbows are fully leaning in on the clean, white top of the wide half-circular counter, inaudibly mouthing the words her pen writes on the paper.

A small, pastel pink box come sliding into her view. "Brownies?" Ben offered while he sips his coffee. That's the third time for that day.

The gold wreath symbol in the middle is familiar to her, it's from the bakery five blocks from Alderaan Grace. "It smells delicious. Don't tell that it's for me though." Diana pulled the matte box that covers the pastries. "The packaging looks too luxurious for a brownie."

Ben scoffed. "You wish. Somebody gave it to me, thought I might share it with you." His foot is crossed with the other as he stood sideways next to her, closely watching her reaction at the sight of the apparently "too luxurious" brownies.

Her eyes gleamed when she saw various flavors stare back at her. There are twelve symmetrically-cut brownies that have unique toppings and flavors different from another. "Oh wow." She said, admiring the whole box. "They really think this one through. Who gave it to you? Dr. Tishra?

"No. It's a different one."

" _A different one?_ " She repeated his word with a slight laugh. A laugh of amazement. "You're casanova, aren't you?"

"Very funny." He delivered his sentence with an absent emotion. "It's someone from ortho. I doubt that you guys even know her." Ben then pulled the grey-colored binder that contains the paperwork that he interrupted. It's for the patient that underwent a surgery they both scrubbed in an hour ago.

"Maybe Finn does. Plus, we may hurt her feelings if she saw that your friends are the ones that are enjoying her gift not you."

"I doubt it. Just go ahead and eat one." He uttered with a little bit of impatience hanging at the tip of his tongue.

But Diana is not done admiring how the twelve brownies perfectly fix in the box. It might take a while before she could choose one.

"Oh nice. Delicious brownies." Armie said as he joined the scene.

"Somebody from ortho gave it to The Prince of Alderaan." She carefully lifted and pulled it in a safe distance near her nose. Notes of coffee, chocolate, caramel and walnuts form a pleasing scent. "Here, smell it."

She pushed the pink box near Armie who quickly agreed on Diana's input after getting a whiff of the sweet smell. She turned around and did the same thing to Ben who just shook his head and gave her a small chuckle.

"Pick one already." Diana's stubbornness really winds him up.

"I can't. They all look pretty."

"Then eat all of them." He simply rebutted. _This woman knows exactly what to do right away when a patient rolls in the Emergency Room but is having a hard time on choosing which brownie to eat_ , Ben thought.

"Well I'm picking one." Armie responded, pulling a marshmallow-filled brownie that sits on the upper left of the box then bolted. "I'll see you guys later. I'm scared that Kanata would see the three of us fighting over a box of brownies."

"You pick one and then we'll share it. There might be some juju in the brownies that was only meant for you." Diana wouldn't be surprised if there's already an underground club dedicated for the mighty Ben Solo.

"Diana, you're reading into it too much." Ben grumbled, selecting the caramel and chocolate swirl and breaking it in half. "Here. Now shut up and eat yours" He threw the piece in his mouth and chewed it quickly.

"Okay, jeez." Something immediately crossed her mind that made her perk up. "Oh, I forgot to ask you. When Dr. Pryde moved the atrium to the vena cava, why did he switch from 3.0 to 5.0 sutures?"

_That's a good question._ "I never really thought much about it when we were in the OR. But I think it's a finer suture to do for vascular structures."

He slowly moved closer to her, shoulder-to-shoulder, as he took the responsibility to finish the paperwork that Diana started. "I guess a delicate tissue demands a delicate touch."

"Hmmm. That makes sense. Thanks, for your answer and for the brownie." She titled her head to the side as she absorb his answer. Slowly enjoying her half brownie as she watched Ben complete the paperwork.

"Of course."

Every once in a while, Rose couldn't help to be surprised and tug the sides of her lips when she sees Diana and Ben silently walking together during the rounds. They don't even talk, but Ben visibly matches Diana's strides which are very small compared to his normal pace.

Finn couldn't help to not look away when Diana copies some part of Ben's notes and he would gradually lean close to her to tell something. 

Armie couldn't help to flinch when Diana throws her open palm to Ben's arm when his "too dark" jokes hits Diana's funny bone.

But Poe is the first one to notice how his eyes would go straight to her when he says something he knows that would earn a laugh. Even in his most deadpan demeanor, he would still check how she reacts to it- whether it's a genuine giggle, a shake of her head, or a closed smile. And how would Diana look for him when there are mornings that Armie arrives earlier than Ben, given that the two almost always show up at the same time.

Maybe they're reading into it too much. But those actions are too unusual to them that they can't help but to give it a different context. Maybe it's a reach, but who knows? Ben and Diana are the most unpredictable pair in the group. They were both standing at both ends of spectrum for five months, but now the day wouldn't end without the two of them talking. Catching up on the months that they spent cursing each other. What's next?


	14. Treading Along The Invisible Line

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a build-up for the next chapter + ben solo's back story, I'm into deep now

**Chapter Fourteen: Treading Along The Invisible Line**

People are huddled in front of the surgical board today. Nurses, attendings and interns are looking at the words neatly written with a black whiteboard marker. The big OR board that covers the entire wall has all of the information of the surgeries lined up. The details they all needed to know about the operation are in there– the time when it will begin, the OR room number, the patient, the surgeon, the anesthesiologist and of course the main dish, the procedure.

  
  


With furrowed eyebrows and igniting curiosity, Diana pushed herself through the small gathered crowd to see what's interesting on the board today. The medical professionals in their hospital are hard to please nowadays, nothing is new if Holdo performed an awake brain surgery, it's been done so many times that her muscle memory is error-free. The board's audience only means that something unordinary is lined up on the board today.

  
  


Later today, at 3 p.m, an awake CABG (Coronary Artery Bypass Graft) will be performed by Dr. Enric Pryde. In layman's term, the attending surgeon of cardiothoracics is going to open up the chest of his patient while he's fully conscious at the OR. AGH has faced some unusual and unique surgeries before, but a wide-awake heart surgery is not in that list.

  
  


No wonder there's a commotion, a history will be made today.

  
  
  


"I just heard, Dr. Pryde will operate on a wide-awake guy." Diana said in pure amazement as she made herself comfortable, sitting in the stretcher next to Rose.

  
  


"It's been the word of the mouth today," Armie answered. "I'm going to get the most perfect seat for us later in the gallery."

  
  


"Okay." She grinned, her feet are tingling in excitement. "Do you know whose patient is it?"

  
  


"You don't know? It's Ben's." Poe responded, moving his hand in their co-intern's direction. Looks like she's late on the news again.

  
  


"Really?" Her head whipped to give Ben a gaze, farther on her left side, "How did that happen? I mean, why does he need to be awake?"

  
  


"He went to the hospital to just have a catherer threaded up to his leg to remove a blockage on his left coronary artery. But we saw that it's too big for a catherer, so Pryde decided to open him up." His puffed cheeks slowly deflated as he let out the air trapped inside his cheeks, a strand of his hair moved against the escaped breath. "Aaaand then he's allergic to the anesthesia so we put him back up again."

  
  


"Malignant hypothermia?" She continued to ask by telling him her assumption.

  
  


Ben inclined, the sunlight in the window makes his eyes a little softer. The green color of his hazel eyes are prominent today. "Yup, that's it."

  
  


"Then that surgery is going to be his second time today. But no anesthesia means no ventilator right? No ventilator means no surgery." She moved her head from left to right as she completed the domino effect of the unusual operation.

  
  


"Pryde's going to use a high thoracic epidural to numb him from the chest down. Let him breathe on his own the entire time."

  
  


The shadow of the natural light coming from the window made the edges of his jaw more sharper. His poised appearance made him made more sure when he told her the answer to the puzzle Diana was trying to get to. He said it with passion because deep down he knows that the new procedure would work.

  
  


"You said that to us already but I still can't help to be amazed." Rose chuckled with glee. 

  
  


The group acknowledges Rose's statement.

  
  


"Dude, try to wave at us when you're down there later. That will tell the other people that we're your friends." Poe joked as he rub his palms together. 

  
  


They all couldn't wait to see it.

  
  


To scrub-in for that kind of surgery is a thread in a haystack. Dr. Pryde is notorious for keeping the people in the OR limited as possible. Only the necessary number of scrub nurses, anesthesiologist and OR tech is what he wanted. A one or two interns in the corner is considered to be a golden ticket for the rookies.

  
  


Diana only scrubbed in for him seven times in the span of five months. Assisting him on the patient with Marfan's syndrome was an accidental opportunity for her.

  
  


But with Ben, it's different. Surgeons like Pryde who likes to chew newbies and spit them out don't seem to faze him. He treats it like it's a walk in the park. At first, Diana thought that maybe because of his family ties, but she's completely wrong. Dead wrong.

  
  


During the Marfan Syndrome surgery, she noticed that Pryde liked to interrogate Ben more than her. He was already menacing to begin with. But the level of how hard and confusing the questions he was throwing at Ben was out of the world that even Diana had a hard time answering it on her own.

  
  
  


Yet in every beat, he answered it with so much finesse. Diana have never seen him waver. Maybe once or twice, he paused and took some time to think before say his answer out loud or there were moments where his answer isn't a bullseye, but he's always on the right track. 

\--

  
  


The soles of her trainers skidding and squeaking against the white floors of the hospital hallway reverberated. Kanata crowded Diana with last minute rounds in the last minute before the most-awaited surgery for the day.

  
  


"Excuse me. . .Excuse me." She said upon entering the already crowded gallery. Silent glares and minimal scoffs are heard as she pushed herself to the small sea of people.

It's sold out. All of the ascending seats are full, some of them are already standing to get a good view.

  
  


"Diana!" A palm caught her attention. When Armie said he'll get the best seats in the house, he really meant it. First row seats, it's the best viewing experience the gallery has at the given distance. 

The two flat-screen televisions mounted up at the both corners of the room are conmected from the camera above the operating table. Giving a bird's eye view of the operation for a more specific sight.

  
  


"What did I miss?" Finally resting her body in the chair reserved for her, between Armie and Poe. The snacks that they managed to get from the vending machine are overflowing in their laps.

  
  


"They're still cauterizing him. . ." Poe's eyes didn't leave the OR table. "I thought I've witnessed everything but it's so weird seeing a lucid man's head moving as they operate him. . . Oh look! Look, Pryde is talking to him while he's in his sternum."

  
  


"Sheer genius." Armie murmured, munching his first snack. Eating the Takis with so much anticipation.

  
  


Ben is maintaining a safe distance from the attending surgeon. It's not a game of Where's Waldo? to find him, even though they are all wearing the same light blue scrubs down below, his gigantic size made him stand out.

  
  


Pryde inserted the retractor to give themselves a good space for movement. Then the surgeon went on and opened the pericardial sac. His head tilted to the intern, asking Ben about something.

  
  


The intern enigmatically looked at the echo screen and nodded.

It's going well so far.

  
  


After a full solid hour, the aortomy is done. 

  
  


Below in the OR, Dr. Pryde quizzed Ben. "What's the next procedure Dr. Solo?"

  
  


"Placing of the needle in the ascending aorta to remove air Dr. Pryde. Then release the aortic valve clamp." 

  
  


"Good. You really prepared for this one young Solo." The surgeon said as he punctured the needle to the muscle wall of the patient.

  
  


He always does. Even if it's not a homework, Ben is always a mile ahead. "Thank you sir."

  
  
  


"That's got to be pioneering right?" Diana scooted closer to Armie. The gallery became silent as they observe the surgery. Pens and journal out swiftly scribbling every important thing down. "The epidural. What a genius. Pryde really wanted to open that man's chest."

  
  


"Actually, Pryde thought it's impossible." Armie began to talk slowly. Gradually getting to the point. "They were about to discharge the patient when Ben pitched the idea to him."

  
  


Diana felt like a thunder strike her down. "Ben? He's the one who told Pryde about the epidural?"

  
  


"Yeah. He didn't include that part of the story. Ben didn't want everyone to know." He whispered. 

  
  


All the praise and adoration are all adressed to Enric Pryde. It's going to be another accolade to the long list of accomplishments of the old surgeon. The surgery itself is already a hot topic, it will be another news if it's a success.

  
  


"I thought, , , I thought it was Dr. Pryde's-"

  
  


"Pryde's discovery? No." Armie finished Diana's thought. "He didn't even think about going on that route until Ben told him about it."

  
  


A _first_ year surgical intern is the mastermind of the unique surgery that they are witnessing. Not the experienced attending who've done countless of cardio operations for years, but an intern fresh from medical school. That itself speaks volume on how dedicated and passionate Ben Solo is. A genius, no doubt.

  
  


"It seems surprising, no? But I know Ben's capabilities. He endured so much back in Harvard that he deserves to be on the OR this moment."

  
  


Her breath stuttered when Diana heard the word " _endured_ " stumbled on his friend's lips . "Why? What happened in Harvard?"

  
  


Armie leaned back, his back fully came in contact with the chair. The memories played back to his mind and from the looks of it, it was not all glitter and gold.

  
  


"It's just–He's not Ben Solo to me when we first met during the orientation back in freshman year. I've never met him as Ben Solo."

  
  


Diana's face crumpled in confusion. She's not on the same page on what Armie is trying to imply. "What do you mean by that? Don't tell me that he's an impostor. He's Dr. Leia's son right?"

  
  


"Oh a _100%_ Organa-Solo offspring. Yeah." Armie looked around, trying to see if there is someone listening to them. They are all invested and hooked up on what's going on below. He continued, "But he didn't enter the university as a son of someone famous. He was this mysterious, dark man in our class. Everyone is afraid of him. Even me at first."

  
  


_He's still mysterious and dark._ Armie seemed to read her mind. "He's more than that before. Imagine ten fold and threatening. They were afraid of his presence, no one even dared to cross his eye-line." 

  
  


"So, you all didn't know that he's the son of a glorified surgeon?"

  
  


"That was his intention. He wanted no one to know that. It was a secret."

  
  


She lost her interest on the on-going operation. "Why?"

  
  


An apologetic smile pulled the side of his lips. He's slowly treading the waters. "He- uh, you know. He didn't want everyone to assume that he got a free pass because of his parents. He's too smart that it's easier for people to assume that he has what he has by thinking that someone just gave it to him."

  
  


The impact Diana felt in her chest felt slammed her like a boulder. That was her whole belief towards him. She was one of those people that painted him as this rich guy who's only a son of this famous person that his every whine is served on a silver, diamond-studded platter. 

  
  


A cold, icy water splashed over her body, the man was so haunted by the accusations that he had to change his name.

"What was his name?"

  
  


Armie said the name so quiet that it got lost in the air. "Kylo Ren." Diana could've easily missed it. But she's really paying attention on what he's saying. "The whole four years of med school, I- it's supposed to be hard and difficult. But for him, he had it rough. It was unimaginable. I couldn't help to feel bad for him. All he did was read and study and practice. He wanted to prove so bad that he's more than a name."

  
  


The hollow feeling in her chest sank deeper. "And did his parents do anything about that?"

  
  


"Diana," He paused. Armie feels like he doesn't have the right to tell the whole story. "His parents, they tried. But Ben was stubborn. They had a long fall-out. He shut them all off, his parents, his relatives. For four whole years he was alone. He had two friends. Me and Gwen. But I don't know the empty feeling of having no family for that long. It changes a person."

  
  


A silent prayer was uttered inside her mind. A demand from someone above to smite her right there and then. She's the reminder of the nightmare that lingers at the back of his new and redeemed mind. Every day, for five months, even with his undoubtful performance and intellect, she never failed to taunt him that he only just excels than the rest of them because of his mother and father.

  
  


When Armie learned that there's going to be no response from her, he continued. "He drowned himself on academics. He trained so hard. Even to the point that Professor Snoke reprimands him to great lengths when he fails at the simplest the most simplest things. The pressure got into him that he got blindly controlled. So now, Ben finds satisfaction when he's in full, total control of something. It's like a piece of chocolate to him. A reward that he likes to enjoy because he was suppresed of the concept."

  
  


"But he's not Kylo Ren anymore? He's back at being Ben Solo." 

  
  


Armie knows what she's trying to say. The possibility of him going back to that more threatening, probably lethal personality of Kylo Ren that Diana didn't get to see and know is small. But the thought of her being a reason to that idea is slowly and excruciatingly eating her alive.

  
  


"Maybe the essence of Kylo Ren will always be there. We all have those dark thoughts we try to drown, but its invulnerable. He just got pulled on that dark place for a long time. But he's always been Ben Solo. He was just trying to prove something that he didn't have to do in the first place. And don't worry, Ben wouldn't go back on being that kind of person. He has more friends now and he got his family."

  
  


"Armie," she whispered. "I didn't know. I feel so bad."

  
  


He reached behind her, rubbing her back. Armie knows that she means it. The shock and regret is written all over her face. "Don't think about it too much. You guys are in the clear now. I think Ben is just really overwhelemed at first that there's a person that didn't think twice on disagreeing with him. No one even dared to do that to him for years. He didn't know how to act." 

  
  


A short, pained giggle came out of her mouth. Diana still has that strong guilt luring inside her. "You think so?"

  
  


"I know so."

  
  
  


All the chairs creaked in, rolls of shocked murmurs filled the gallery. The people below picked up their pace. The monitor began to beep fast.

  
  


"He's coding." Poe's shoulders are pushed forward.

  
  


The conscious man below is seizing, it's the only thing he can move because he's numb from the neck down. An OR personnel put her hand on the side of his writhing face to prevent further movement.

  
  


"What's going on?" Diana quickly asked for a context.

  
  


"Ascending aorta looks dilated. There's too much bleeding around the suture Dr. Pryde did." He quickly updated her friend.

  
  
  


"BP 60 over 42. Brady down." Ben Solo informed the surgeon.

  
  


"Get me another TEE and an Echo, stat. Let's move it people this doesn't look good." Dr. Pryde commanded, maintaining his professional composure as the chaos around him build up.

  
  


"Sir." Ben gathered the attention of Pryde. "I can put aortic cannula into his right atrium."

  
  


The stance of the doctor slightly staggered. His offer his **bold** for an intern. "By yourself?"

  
  


"Yes doctor."

  
  


Enric Pryde gave Ben a long look before agreeing. "Alright, you take over. Replace the 2-stage venus cannula."

  
  
  


"What the?" Diana catched up with what Ben is trying to do. He's got full jurisdiction of the operating table at the moment.

  
  


"That's a running whip stitch, is it not?" Rose asked all of them. Still not comprehending the scene unfolding below them.

  
  


"Damn right it is." Poe answered

Inside the OR, Ben Solo is performing a level-5 suture to close the long rupture in the heart. Diana's running whip stitch is still sloppy and amateur, but Ben does his like he's already an experienced surgeon. 

  
  


That would take a lot of nerve, accuracy and perfect amount of pressure to do that. And Pryde let him do it. Because he knows that he's capable.

  
  


"Dude, Solo is hardcore." An intern behind them said in bewilderment.

  
  


"Asking Pryde to do it would take some serious balls already. But actually performing a running whip stitch on a heart? The man's got game." Another intern replied at his comment.

  
  


Their eyes are all looking above the televisions to watch Ben's work closely. His hands move intricately, he knows when to put a correct amount of pressure and when to be gentle. Ben's angle to do the suture is also perfect, he knows where to exactly put it.

  
  


With those huge span and good control of his fingers, Ben Solo can do unimaginable things with those hands. He's fully aware that he has the sheer power to crush things effortlessly, but he uses it to save lives.

  
  


"Ben's got great hands." Diana is unaware that she said it out loud. "I mean, great surgical hands." She stammered, pulling herself back from the haze.

  
  


" _Pffft._ If that's how his hands work outside the OR, his partner would be over the moon every day and every night." The intern sitting behind her felt the need to say it to the entire gallery.

  
  


Just stating a fact.


	15. This is Where The Fun Begins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> smut ahead

**Chapter Fifteen: This is Where The Fun Begins**

Visible worn-out trail has been created on the space between their giant lockers because of Diana's back and forth pacing. The surgery concluded half an hour ago and their shift is long over. Her friends took the opportunity to go home and spend the rest of night, enjoying their limited time of peace and relaxation on their own apartments. But Diana couldn't do any of that.

The words that she will tell Ben are done and formatted, written in her mind like a philosophy essay back in getting her PhD. Strong, but not too overpowering introduction. Mellow body but still listing relevant points and tight-sealed, meticulously laid out conclusion.

Her determined walk to the on-call room began. Diana's hands are balled in a fists as she marched to their appointed on call-room. After three rapid knocks, she twisted the door knob and made herself welcome.

In a room filled with orange light from the lampshade sitting at the table, Ben is recharging after a 6-hour long surgery. Enjoying the not-so comfortable mattress, his hand is supporting the back of his head while the other one is curled in the middle of his abdomen.

"Okay," She began, shaking the nerves out of her hands. "I know you just got out of a surgery but I need to tell you this. Or else I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight. So just. . ."

Diana walked over near the table that's facing the side of the bunk bed. If she's going to steal his time, Diana thought that she better stand at the place where Ben can see her without moving.

He's not saying a word. Ben thought that her barging in on the room is out of nowhere. Even if they were back on not liking each other's guts, Diana didn't do this kind of thing.

"Are you. . ." Ben lifted himself up to sit on the bed. Strands of his hair are unkempt from long touch of the pillow and his hand. ". . . Are you alright?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm _dandy_." She rapidly told him. Her bones in the neck let out a crack as she bent her head side to side, hyping herself up. "You don't have to say anything. Do whatever you want. Sleep, close your eyes, turn you back on me. I just need to tell you something."

The guilt will fully consume her alive tonight if she doesn't give Ben the long overdue apology that he deserves. Diana knows damn well how inflated her ego is. And she protects it with bulletproof glass to the people like Ben. The petty, all-say no talk people she thought Ben **was** like.

"From the bottom of my heart, I am sorry." She started her prepared monologue that she memorized for 15 minutes in the locker room. "I know that I didn't have the right to say those mean and nasty things to you, but I did. Most of them were ad-hominem and cheap shots. Therefore, I apologize. Second of all, I would also like to apologize for doubting your competency. I had a hard time admitting it for myself but Ben, you're going to be a very great surgeon. That running whip stitch was immaculate."

" _Diana–_ " Ben called to her. Putting his both of his feet back to the floor. He didn't bother to take out his shoes.

"Let me finish. I have four points I need to say to you." She rapidly raised her hand, quickly cutting off Ben. "Okay. The third one. I just found out, what you've been through in med school. Armie has got nothing to do with it. I asked him. I know, you're going to say to me that I will not know that feeling. And you're right, I'm clueless. I'm sorry, Ben." Tears started to form on the waterline of her eyes. Diana blinked for it to go away.

He just let her say what's in her mind. Ben pushed himself out of the bed, slowly making his way to her.

"No person should experience what you've been through. And I kept, ugh, I kept saying those things that you heard throughout your life. I'm fucking stupid. Me being unaware of those things is not a great excuse for my actions." Her glassy eyes are transfixed on him.

She's genuinely sorry for all the things that she did and Ben can feel that aura of regret surrounds her. Diana is making an apology that doesn't expect an acceptance from him. If Ben didn't take it, she fully and completely understand his reason.

" _Are you scared?_ On what Armie said to you about me?" He slowly asked, ruining her train of thought. The manner of his question is very far from Diana's context. 

"I–" She rubbed her knuckles, forgetting the next line. _What's next again?_ Diana titled her head, unsure of what direction Ben was going. "Scared?"

"Me, being a completely different person back then. I assume that he told you that I had fun tyrannizing the people of our batch."

Scared? No. Not in a long shot. Sorry? Absolutely. "You're not intentionally doing things that make me scared of you. That's not the point. I just came here to apologize not–"

"Do you remember when I told you that you're the first one, out of all people here, who had the _fucking_ _guts_ to talk shit about me right in front of my face?"

Realizing the air in room changed, Diana's mouth opened a little from the shock. The way Ben leered the word, it hit her different.

Suddenly, it's not about the apology anymore.

Diana gulped. If she wasn't scared around Ben before, she is know. "I do. I remember."

As Ben advanced to her in one swift stride. Diana flinched backward, the back of her knees dug at the edge of the table.

His dark eyes looking down at her, impatiently chewing the inside of his cheek. Diana is used to him moving towards her, it has become their routine when they got in the heat of their argument. But this time, the commanding act looked purely sexual.

Her act of being completely undaunted about his status and his brooding demeanor even on the first day of their internship enticed him. Not only because she had the audacity to call him out whenever she pleases, because Ben enjoys the feeling of it.

The burning anger flowing through him, it's not the anger of destruction and wrath that he felt before. It's the raw frustration lingering in those intense feeling that he revels in every time their clashing.

Everyone in the hospital _loves_ Ben Solo. They think Ben Solo is _charming_ , _kind_ and _smart_. But Diana being unable to see any of that made her stand out. For some messed up reason, those things she's apologizing for made Ben keenly interested on her.

**Diana is the thrill of the chase.** He couldn't get enough of the addictive feeling of frustration Ben could feel flowing in his bloodstream. Ben absolutely adored her face. The blood rising to her cheeks and her dilated eyes when she's talking loud **excites** him that he keep on wanting to see it more. Even if that's what it took to get a glimpse of that again.

The thought that he is the only person that could trigger Diana that much exhilarates him.

Diana is familiar with the energy that surrounds them. She first felt the hint of it when they were alone on their unexpected babysitting job. The second one was when Ben pulled down her zipper during the date night, then again later that same night when they were both soaking wet from the rain. She didn't acknowledge those weird, minute titillating atmosphere that covers them because Diana thought that maybe it was only her. Having a zero sex life makes you see things that aren't there.

But she's sure that it's definitely there this time. It's loud that it's breaking her eardrums. Diana is looking at it directly now, her repressed sexual manifestations is a towering 6'3 of man intensely staring back at her like a lion ready to pounce.

"You told me that I could do whatever I want. I want to kiss you right now. Are you going to do anything about it?" Ben's eyebrow suggestively went up, taunting the evidently weak Diana. His voice is low and whispered, she could feel his words echoing inside her mind.

Ben intentionally kept their distance five inches away from each other for his own amusement. He wanted to see Diana gather all her remaining strength to prevent herself from pushing her whole self towards him.

Diana was caged by his strong arms that grip the sides of the table. He was like one of those intimidating skyscrapers in Manhattan leaning on her when walks down in the sidewalk.

His shadow completely basked her figure. Even his shadow looks so terrifying and harmful. Without her feisty attitude towards him, she looks completely helpless.

His lips. His plump lips his lower teeth always seem to bite into when he's in deep thought, when he's studying and especially when Diana gives him hell. It looks like a moist red, ripe fig every time he retracts it after pulling it after a minute.

And those eyes, , , with those eyes dancing around her face at the moment, she doesn't know how long she's going to cling with the last ounce of her strength to not pounce Ben. His dark, sweet caramel eyes with his head teasingly looking down at her, tantalizing her to the great unknown.

"No." Diana thought how could a one-syllable word could sound so pathetic.

" _No?_ " He hummed, slowly dipped his head. She squinted her eyes closed, everything about Ben is too much. His perfume, his presence, his hair that she stops herself from combing it with her fingers.

Ben is extending her agony. He wanted to relish it the moment, he wanted to go slow. "You're not going to do anything if I do this?" He hotly whispered, his breath fogged over her neck. His lips grazed his soft skin, giving her the lightest kiss.

In his lightest touch, Diana shuddered. Ben thinking how would she react in if he give to it her all at once made him smile widely. He couldn't wait.

The table squeaked as her hands gripped the edge of the table tighter. She's becoming dizzy now, she could hold on to him to steady herself. But sure knows that she would do more than just hold.

Aside from trying to calm herself down by stopping her chest from heaving. Diana didn't give him a response.

"You're not backing down, are you?" His lips nibbled her earlobe, provoking her more. In a swift motion, his hands lifted her up, sitting her to the table behind her. 

His hands began its slow venture up to her thighs. He's taking his time, rubbing his palms against her cotton scrub pants.

Diana's hands flew into his waist when he hoisted her up on the table. And now she can't let go. "You're acting like I'm easily moved." She said sharply, her words are shaky.

"Oh, _I know_." His low chuckle did something to her. In the pits of her stomach. In the apex of her thighs. "I know." He pushed his hips against her thigh.

That made her eyes shot open. Diana can feel him down there. All of him. His hard dick pressing in her inner thigh, teasing her to the extreme. And from the feel and length of it, Diana knows he's blessed down there. Is there any thing this man can't offer?

" _Ben_ " She breathed out. Clutching the fabric of his scrubs. Clutching not pulling.

" _Diana_." He mocked with the same pleading tone Diana made, his lips now hovering on hers. "Tell me. Tell me what do you want me to do."

Her hands traveled up. To his chest. To nape of his neck. His skin is burning. Diana wanted to feel more of it. More of Ben. The rope that holds her together is now only on a one thin strand.

It's now or never.

"Kiss me."

That's all what he wanted to hear. Two words, full of need and urgency. Their lips brutally collided, satisfying their pent up hunger they didn't know was there all along. The intensity of the kiss pushed her back, only to be held back by his hands. Her jaw is tightly resting between muscle of his thumb and pointer finger, making her stay in one place.

The wet, sloppy kiss awakened something deep inside her that she never felt for years. Burning desire flows through her whole body. The whole on-call room spins, Diana suddenly felt intoxicated.

Ben completely drinks her in, attacking her mouth with so much tenacity. Now that he can finally got a taste of her, he knew that he wouldn't stop. His tongue lewdly dances inside her mouth and then to her lips. The other hand that holds her shoulder went down, grabbing her breast over her uniform. He kneaded the whole coverage of her supple breast.

Her legs instinctively wrapped around his waist. She wanted to keep feeling his rock hard cock in her thighs, painfully near to her core. It wasn't long until Diana started to grind, an attempt to satisfy herself.

"Fuck," Ben groaned, still lip-locked with each other. His hand are still busy cupping her clothed breast. "Not so fast. I'm not going to give it to you that fast." He pulled back, grinning darkly as he heard Diana's quiet protest. Tugging the hem the cotton scrubs that's between them. Hers, then his.

"Look at you," Ben dipped down again, sucking and biting her exposed soft skin, enjoying her prominent collar bone. "Wearing these things in a hospital. Are these for me?" Ben teasingly played with the strap of her blue cobalt lace bra. He forcefully pulled the cups downward, her tits sprawling next to him.

Her nipples are already sore and stiff in anticipation. The cold air inside the room traveled up to her spine, adding to her goosebumps because of Ben's own doing. Ben told himself that he's going to take it slow, he didn't say that he's going soft on her.

He forcefully cupped both of her tits, pushing them together. Ben wants to taste it at the same time. His tongue drew a wet line. Starting from her collar bone, traveling to her sternum and devouring the top of her breasts.

"Have you been fucked here before?" He quickly asked, his erratic breaths blowing to her nipples adding to the sensation. She wanted to do something with her pulsating pussy below her. She wanted rub it again on his thighs or close her legs together to create a friction. But she's completely immobile.

"Diana, **hey** , don't play with me." He aggressively pinched the ends of her mouth, her lips bunching. "We know you always have something to say about me. Now talk, did somebody fuck you here already?"

She pitifully moved her head, wishing that it came out as a no. For quite some time Diana droned on and on telling rude, unpleasant things about him. The tables have turned, it's Ben's turn to tell her nasty and filthy things about her.

She's shaking, cowering. Helplessly waiting for him to impale her with his huge dick straining in his pants.

The thought of gaining control over her made his cock twitch in glee. "Perfect. Because I will. That's going to be my responsibility now." He talked and talked as he dove onto her breast, suckling her skin. Biting her nipples.

"Me... Pounding you... in the on-call room... With every chance I get." He darkly declared, proclaiming his words like a promise as he keep licking her nipples left and right.

Diana moaned, and pleaded and then moaned again. Ben's filthy words hit her clit perfectly, every syllables coming out of his dirty mouth makes her sex wetter and wetter at any second. Her chest is glistening with Ben's slick saliva, marking his territory. Ben's tongue sent electricity to her whole torso. His hungry gruff as he nibbles and swallows her tits made her mind empty. Nothing comes to her mind but pure sexual thoughts.

Ben loved every second of it. Her confused, surprised and extremely amorous state keeps him going. Diana provoked him for long so that she had all of this coming. He wanted to hear her weak pleads.

His fingers left her breasts, pulling at the drawstring of her pants and completely removing it from her. "You ruined your own panties. I wish those are not your favorite." Ben tutted as he saw her lace panties already soaked in her own wetness. If its already wet to begin with why not make it more wetter? So that everytime she sees these panties, she's going to remember the time Ben Solo fucked her senselessly even after a 6-hour surgery.

Ben went down on his knees, aggressively pushing the back of her thighs up. Making himself comfortable as her weeping pussy came into his eye line, face-to-face. Ben curled his finger and pulled the thin fabric to the side, it only covers so little. His fingers "accidentally" touched her folds in action, making Diana whimper. "Try not to make too much sound while I fuck you with my tongue. If you scream, I'll stop. Understand?"

The entire face of Diana is already covered with sheer sweat. Color of red across her nose and cheeks as she nodded.

"Say it. Tell me you understand." Ben moved away, threatening Diana to finish their little escapade early.

"Y-yes. I won't scream."

_Good_. Because Ben couldn't wait. " _Dr. Montgomery_ ," He lustfully mocked, "You're so messy." His tongue gently licked her outer labia. He wanted to taste of all her, every corner and every crevice.

" _Oh...._ " Diana's head tipped back as she shuddered at the contact. She couldn't even admire the the ceiling because her eyes are immediately rolled back. Her hands clutching the hair spilled between her thighs. "Christ.... Ben." She felt his tongue broaden, licking her whole slit from top to bottom.

Her legs stuttered at the sensation when Ben started to focus on the area around the clit. His fingers dig on her soft thighs to keep it wide open, his mouth and tongue eating her swollen clit with so much audible enthusiasm. Ben Solo sounded like he didn't eat food for so long.

It didn't take long for Ben to find the mix of the perfect pace and pressure to keep her saying yes over and over again. He's mouth deep in her pussy as he watches her squirm at the edge of her mound from the intense overwhelming feeling. Diana was almost on the verge of crying from all the sensation hitting her all at once when he went back and from from her clit to her labia.

"Don't you _fucking_ move." Ben snarled, stunning her vibrating legs once again with his large paws when she felt her escaping from confinement. "I know you can take two fingers right away. You're dripping already."

He didn't wait for her answer and went straight to town. Ben's two fingers are equivalent to three fingers to normal people and to Diana. So when he plunged it to her hot, wet pussy, Diana felt immediately full.

Ben's mouth is watering at the feeling of his fingers appearing then disappearing inside her small cunt. She knows it driving her crazy her right now. Diana is tightly hold on to him. Because she had the feeling that if she let go, she'll be thrown into a deep abyss. Suddenly the feeling of her fingers every night before sleep seems useless anymore. No one, in a long shot, could compensate with the things Ben's is doing to her right now.

The familiar swirl in her lower stomach start building up and it won't be the same thing that she felt last night when she fingered herself in her bed to release some tension. No, this is much more powerful.

"Ben," She beg, trying to get his attention because he looks so invested in ravening her pussy. Doubting if he heard her the first time over the sounds of her moans and his primal breaths. "Ben, please. . ."

"Please what?" Giving her folds an open mouth kiss before pulling. A trail of slick on his chin following his movement before breaking in half. Toussled hair, dilated pupils and glistening mouth, and heaving chest, Ben is like a junkie trying to reach his high at right now.

His long fingers are still knuckle-deep inside her to give her a taste. Luring her. "Just do it. Please"

"Do you think I'm going to take that pathetic request? I want to hear you say it." He turned his fingers, stroking downward. Hitting a more erogenous part deep down her.

" _Ohh_." Diana sighed, grabbing a hold of his strong, wide shoulders.

"Hmm?" He answered eagerly, still on a mission to split her pussy wide open. He won't stop. Because there's no good reason to stop. If Diana did actually yell he'll just make her shut up. Maybe a put her hands over her mouth or kiss her. But he knows to himself that he won't stop terrorizing her cunt until she cums.

Diana put her shaky hand over her mouth. Muffling her own whimpers. She couldn't say it out loud.

"Fine." Ben carelessly pulled his fingers swiftly out of her. "It was fun while it lasted." He smirked, putting his fingers oozing with her wetness to his mouth and wrapping it around his lips as he take a long taste. Maintaining a sticky eye contact to torment her.

"Fuck me Ben. I want you to fuck me with your thick cock." She didn't couldn't stop herself. Saying the only thing that's running in her mind spilled obscenely in her mouth.

"You're going to wish you never fucking said that." Ben stood up, grabbing a fist of her hair to pull her into another kiss. Her own taste of slick arousal is extremely evident on his lips and tongue and mouth. It smells and takes like her. Like Diana. He pulled her panties off, the thin, wet fabric dangles on her right ankle.

She heard it first because her eyes are shut glued shut. Ben fastly jerking off his scarily, huge dick right in the middle of the spreaded thighs. Only centimeters apart from her hole.  
  


She is terrified now. She begged for it and now that she saw its size, maybe she really shouldn't have said that.

"Ohh, you never had someone this big? That's _cute_." Ben acknowledge the pure shock plastered all over her face. "Don't expect that I'm going to be easy on you. Do you want me to take your apology? Fine, take my cock."

His throbbing head split her open, his whole shaft disappeared inside her in an instant. Diana gasped for air as Ben started to hammered himself to her fast. He wanted to feel her wet, tight walls perfectly cover his cock over and over again.

Diana let out a mewly whine as he started to fuck her fast. It felt painful, he didn't give her much time to get use to it. Her walls clenched tightly around him and every time Ben pulls back, she could feel the opening of her cunt grip his dick.

"Oh God. . ." Air is being knocked off in her lungs with every thrust. Diana couldn't catch her breath even if she tried so hard, Ben steals it away from her with every push of his hips.

Ben menacingly laughed against her neck. "There's no god here. Do you really want him to see you like this? I think not."

His words made her pussy clench and throb even more around him. Diana couldn't help it. Ben is fucking her into oblivion, talking dirty to her along the way.

" _Fuck_ ," He reached for her throat, firmly holding it. Ben has the power to take her life, that's how much control he has with Diana. "You like it when I talk to you like that, huh?"

He drilled deeper, reaching her cervix. She does, it turns her on more when he keeps taunting her like that. "Yes! Oh, yes Ben." Her defenseless sobs uttered Ben's name over and over like a mantra.

Ben's low terrifying grumbles and slapping of their wet skin filled the small space of the on-call room.

The creaking of the rickety table slamming in to the wall became louder as Ben fucked her harder and deeper. She was holding into his arms and around the back of his sweaty neck while Ben's face is burrowed in her shoulders. "Ben, I-Im close, , , Uhhh, I'm close."

"Yeah?" He coaxed, putting the pad of his thumb to his clit. He rubbed it like he's running out of time, almost to the point that it's vibrating. "I know you're going to cum. I can feel your walls gripping my cock. _Goddamn, fucking greedy_."

"Shit! Oh, there. Right there. Yes." Diana lead him on, continuing the speed that will push her to the edge. She can't hold on that long with that kind of performance.

Her breath hitched. Diana's squeal of moans were immediately knocked out of her the white heat comes crashing down on her. A soundless, intense climax. Her legs trembled, the panties rolled up in the ankles weakly shook.

Ben didn't even think to stop, he's still going. Ramming her into her aftershocks, his jaw slacked. Hands gripping her hips as he keep on pounding and pounding Diana.

"Cum outside." She whispered. Not giving a her a chance to come down from her high. To clear her thoughts. "Ben, cum outside. Cum outside." She warned him again.

Diana didn't want to risk it. It has become her habit to take a pill, it regularizes her messy schedule of menstruation. And before starting their internship, they took a medical test so Ben surely is clean.

But after reaching her climax, Diana is started to make her way back to reality.

It wasn't long until Ben reached his. When Diana tightened around him, it only took a few powerful strokes for him to come undone. He pulled out his throbbing, rock hard cock and fisted against her inner thigh until ropes of hot cum covered her skin.

The creaking stopped. The air has been around them has been lifted. Ben's hair is sticking to her neck, still nozzling her shoulder. "Are you alright?" He gulped, moist lips still in contact with her skin. Both of their chests are heaving as the catch their breath.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Diana squeaked. Clearing her throat, she began to pull her displaced bra into place.

Ben removed himself to her, grabbing enough sheets of tissue beside them and clean the sticky cum splattered on her thighs.

They are not catching each other's eyes, Diana intends to not glance at the direction he's looking. After receiving a lightning-like climax, her mind became so much clearer. Clearer that it she became too conscious. Noticing that for almost an hour, she was fully naked in front of Ben Solo.

His pager beeped, saving the both of them for their excruciatingly after sex parting scene. Ben pulled up his scrub pants, putting his clothes in less than 30 seconds. "I got to do my post-ops." He exhaled, fixing his hot, sexy moussed hair back into place as he read the number losted in the tiny machine.

Diana turned her back on him, trying to keep her last amount her amount of decency assuming she has left. "Right. I've got rounds." She said as a matter of factly, racing him to get out of the on-call room first.

But with the things Ben did to her, Diana only come second. With her legs are still sore and quaking, Diana knows she not going to do her rounds with in the usual stride.

So much for an apology she practiced in the locker room over and over again.


	16. Here Are The Ground Rules

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for the lovely comments, reads and kudos! i really really appreciate it. we really out here simping to benjamin solo.
> 
> i'm pretty sure the smut will become a regular now (preferably one chapter between each other for a room to breathe because,,,, phew)
> 
> also i started to insert link in some underlined words. enjoy!! and thank you again for having the time to read the story ❣️

**Chapter Sixteen: Here Are The Ground Rules**

Fear. Diana's feeling of immense guilt is replaced by fear after her little hot session with Ben on the on-call room. It wasn't true that she have rounds, their shift ended halfway through Ben's surgery. Kanta was suspicious as to why her intern was practically begging her to do the charts of the patients that wasn't assigned to her. But she didn't complain, it was good that an intern was volunteering to do some scut work.

That wasn't Diana's first ride to quickies and secret sex escapades. She had her fair share of those during her time at Stanford.

After one hell of a nightmare she experienced from a break-up on her freshman year, she never dated again. But that didn't mean that she wasn't getting any.

Diana established a rule to keep things from getting messy, _never sleep with someone you know._ The accidental reunion in the hallway while she was on her to the way to anatomy class was so awkward that she prayed to just disappear in to the faces of the earth when the man she didn't even bother to wake up before leaving his apartment stopped and waited for her to greet him.

A law student was her safest option and she stick with it. It was perfect for her at first. Just meaningless sex, no relationship. The law student she was hooking up with had a way with his words. They were trained to be that way. It was fun for a while, until one day he confessed his love to her through exhibits like he was presenting a case to the jury. Diana was so horrified that she just opted for the little pink vibrating machine hiding on her bedside drawer from then on.

Maybe it was somewhere from her childhood that made her so scared of commitment. Maybe seeing her mother kicking out her father out of their house in the middle of the night one week after her 10th birthday and acting in the breakfast table the next morning that her dad didn't exist in their lives could be one of the reasons to her upbringing.

Any remembrance from her father was even stripped from her name. Montgomery. It's her mother's maiden name.

Maybe it was also because her mother told the highschool Diana just before her homecoming dance bluntly that she shouldn't have married her father. Imagine telling a teenager that she wasn't supposed to be picking up her homecoming dress that moment.

It was a deep wound inside her that still haven't healed.

Pushing the main glass doors of AGH, Diana tighten her coat she walked out of the hospital. The skies are already carpeted with dark, velvety hues. Silvers stars are already scattered. Ahead of her is a pathway with wooden benches to the side, already illuminated by lamp posts, carks parked to the side.

In the distance, Ben is passing time in the bench at the middle part of the pathway. His legs are pulled apart from each other, almost taking the entire three-seater bench. Smartphone lighting up his brow-knitted concentrated face as he scroll through his emails, stopping halfway when he had an inkling that someone is observing him from afar.

He didn't need to look up, Ben knows the owner the off-white trainers with double-tied laces. "Took you long enough." He stated, the phone emitted a locking sound before putting it inside his coat. Finally seeing her, he stood tall, putting the strap of his [messenger bag](https://images.app.goo.gl/Ak6jKAsNyrCuMU2y9) on his shoulder. 

Diana carefully approached him. She could look at him now, but with not at the same gravita as before. "Why are you still here?"

"You said you have four points, I only heard three. You looked so determined earlier, wouldn't want it go to waste." Ben simply said as his knuckle fished his car keys inside the pocket of his wool black trench coat.

After finishing his post-ops, Ben thought that a conversation with her is necessary. They're co-interns, not some strangers who met each other in the bar. But after he saw Diana running around to do patient charts that wasn't even her job, waiting for her to finish and be alone in her thoughs were the best thing to do.

"I-" Diana's hands started to get clammy. "I seriously forgot the fourth one."

The matte rectangular remote twirled around his finger, "It's alright. You can think about it inside the car. I'll get you home."

"Solo, how many times do I need to tell you this? I can go home by myself." She stood her ground, just because. Her trembling legs were the reason why she took a long time to finish the work that the can do in just an hour minutes. But she wouldn't tell him that.

"And _how many times do I need to tell_ you that I have a car?" He retorted, sighing in exasperation. "Are we going to have this discussion again? You and I both know that I could easily lift you up and put you myself in the car." Ben gently tugged her wrist and made their way to his car parked behind the bench.

She have no choice but to follow the direction Ben is "dragging" her. "You know that's borderline kidnapping right? I could scream right now. How about that?" She started to threaten him.

"Ha, go ahead." He let out a short chuckle of amusement. "I heard you scream an hour ago you think that would scare me?" _Well how about that?_

That shut her up instantly.

After clicking both of their seat belts on, his car come alive with a familiar growl coming from the bumper. Ben steered the wheel to exit the premises of Alderaan Grace.

It's like Diana is being forced to face her worst nightmare, "the morning after".

She shook her head for a couple of times, pissed at how her mind is blowing the situation out of proportion. 

_This is so fucking stupid. It's Ben Solo, he is literally the bane of my existence. **Was**. Then we became sort of, friends. Then we fucked, on the on-call room. What am I going to say? "Solo, the sex is excellent. Haven't had that kind of sex of years. But I'm not ready to be in a relationship , I mean if that's what you're thinking. Not that I'm assuming it-"_

Her internal monologue that starts to ascend to being a chaotic, messy one is interrupted by Ben's strained, convulsive laughs escaping quickly from his mouth. He gave her a quick glance before concentrating back gain to the road. Eyes brimmed with tears of entertainment.

"What the fuck is so funny?" Irritated that Ben found happiness in her struggling state.

He didn't give her a response to her question, still letting out uncontrollable strings of deep giggles. Diana couldn't help to feel offended by the sound of it.

"Seriously, what?"

Finally, his fit of chuckle died down and he started to put himself together. "I could hear your mind turning around and creating another speech. It's pretty loud."

"Don't entertain yourself too much." Diana rolled her eyes and looked outside again. "It's not like I do that kind of thing everyday."

"Well, the same goes to me. Don't worry, we won't talk about it again if it makes your skin crawl everytime you think about it."

"No, no. It's not about that-" She started to explain.

"Oh so you want to do _it_ again?" Elation drawled in his mouth as he interrupted her again.

"Even if I say yes don't flatter yourself too much, Solo."

They entered Bay Freeway of Seattle, a long stretch of a road illuminated by his headlights are ahead of them. Ben sighed, "You like to overthink that you're overthinking things, do you know that?"

"You don't get to psychoanalyze me after we did it."

"Did what?" He teased. Poking fun of Diana one more time. Like that one annoying kid who gets his fun by pulling someone's pigtails during recess. Or he's just being a prick at the moment.

"Oh, you are just sooo cocky aren't you?"

"Hey, you just apologized to me." Ben gave her another peek. He accepted her sorry when she was only in her first point, he just couldn't help to see her get easily riled up. "But in all seriousness, don't stress yourself. I'm not reaching for anything."

"Good. Because me neither. And I meant it, the apology. I truly am." Though her voice is still defensive and rigid, the tense knot that uncomfortably squeezing her shoulders has been lifted.

"I know that. And to make you sleep at night better," He steered to the side, driving under the sign that leads to the exit. Checking the rear view mirror to do the turn safely. "I'm clean."

"Me too." Diana paused, deciding if she has to say the next words written in her mind. "And I'm on a pill. So, just putting it out there."

"Glad to know." A beat. "Give me a heads up here, is this going to become our thing?"

Diana titled her head at him in a questioning manner. Not sure if she's following him. "A thing?"

"You have those little inside jokes that you share for each person in our group. I noticed. You and Poe have those weird chips addiction. With Rose, it's always about the attendings. With Armie- I don't know, cats and dogs. And with Finn, about movies." The fingers holding the steering wheel lifted as he listed his observation.

"Ummm," Diana searched a word that would perfectly describe their common denominator. "What else is our common ground?"

"Mockery." He quickly answered, letting out a light laugh. The sides of his eyes crinkled, still responsibly looking at the road as her continue their banter.

"Yeah, that. Obviously." Diana couldn't help to grin. "So I guess, mockery. . . and sex are our "things""

"That settles it then, Sex & Mockery is our thing now." The passing lights in the road creates shadows that makes his face more prominent. Stronger and more intimidating, but visibly at ease around her.

"Uh-huh." Diana nodded in jest. "I mean, it's the only thing that works right? No dinners, no sleepovers."

His extended arms that control the wheel shook in mirth. Ben knows what Diana is trying to imply, loud and clear. "Sure. I could live without dinners and sleepovers. Whatever floats your boat, Diana."

"But you agree?" Diana turned her body to his side of the car. Making sure that they are on the exact same page on this one.

Ben caught a glimpse of her and slightly raised his shoulder in approval. "Yeah. Of course."

The car unapologetically drove past to the exit that leads on her apartment. Her head turned around, following the road as it moved past them.

"You missed my exit." Diana reminded the driver, thinking that he forgot she's there with him.

"I see that." His voice hummed. A tone that he's stating the obvious. "I keep hearing you moaning about that chicken sandwich at the fast food near Green Lake Way for days now." Ben didn't need to ask her if she's hungry for a sandwich because he knows she is.

As they rolled in to the drive-through clearance, Diana started to look for her wallet to pay for the snack she's been longing to taste. Her hand is still on the game to feel it inside her bag when Ben immediately stopped her.

"It's on me." Sounding offended on her action.

"Then I'm covering your gas money." She imposed offer, feeling a little embarassed that she's not passing him even a cent.

"I said it's on me." He said it again with more emphasis.

Diana, knowing that Ben already made up his mind, slumped back in the seat. Watching him to say the order in the mic through his lowered car window. 

"You're not trying one?" Eyes squinted as he gave made a quizzical look when she heard that he only ordered one meal.

"I'm good. I already ate." He didn't deliver it in a risqué manner. But with just what happened between the two of them, it was a hundred percent innuendo.

They spent the rest of the ride in silence. After having a couple of bites, Diana felt like she doesn't have to walk on eggshells anymore. They didn't need to spell it out aloud with each other. With Ben's words, he just confirmed to Diana that it's nothing more than sex.

With that mind-blowing performance Ben did, it was not a question that he had the same sex setting as Diana had back in med school. No man can eat a pussy that good overnight. Now that Diana thought of it, Ben might've let off some steam of by having some secretive sexual exploits.

The shift was pulled into neutral as Ben pulled over infront of Diana's apartment.

After unclasping the seat belt, Diana turned to him once more. "I remembered it. The fourth one."

The sky and streets are already dark. But with the dashboard lighted up, Diana could clearly see his keen and interested face. His back touched the car seat. "Let me hear it then."

"Just because I said sorry to you doesn't mean that I won't stop giving you a hard time in our internship. I'll just be a healthy competitor from now on." She smirked, promising to him that nothing will change. Diana being a competitor is a long shot, she's fully aware of that. His latest surgery beat every one in the residency program for years. Nothing will come close on what he'd done.

But talking from a competitive intern to another, they both know how it feels it be pitied at your own game. The win is not satisfying and dull if people just let you walk into the prize without a fight. It's not even considered a victory, but a pity party. And Ben had been through hell and back just to prove that he's not a fraud.

Her going soft and walking on eggshells around him are the last things Ben wanted. She's completely unaware of it, but Diana's being is the perfect reminder for him to be better than yesterday.

"Perfect. Because I'm still on the mission to find new ways to test your temper." Ben returned the smug smile. He has no complaints with that.

If Ben Solo is the considered to be the intern that takes the lead in the residency program. Diana surely comes second. Though she doesn't come close to Ben's passion in cardio, she holds the throne in neurosurgery.

That pretty sums up Ben and Diana's connection. The heart and the mind. Always playing the game of tug of war. They were meant to oppose one another.

They are friends. Yes. But they both know that they won't be the type of friends they are with Poe, Rose, Finn and Armie. And they can cope with that. That's how are two they are supposed to be.

For the two of them, it's tough and blunt. Diana doesn't tell him things that are sugarcoated, he has the whole Alderaan Grace to do that job. Her job to give Ben backhanded compliments that seems like she doesn't run out of to give.

"Thank you for the ride and," Diana stopped and waved her hand.

"And the sex?" He mused. His eyebrow raised in suggestion.

"Fine. And the sex." Diana prompted. "Do you want to go inside? Coffee? Tea?"

Ben knows it's a formality. "You and I both know I'm not drinking coffee or tea when I accept that invitation."

Diana scoffed as she gathered her bag. "Don't push your luck Solo. I'll see you on rounds tomorrow."

"I'll see you tomorrow Diana."

\---

As the morning light strikes the glass walls of Alderaan Grace, a surge of motivation are coursing through Diana's bloodstreams. Another day, another surgeries and another hurdles to jump.

  
  
The moment her head touched the pillow Diana was immediately out because of last nights events. The combination of her overthinking and her earth-shattering orgasm because of Ben Solo wiped her out in an instant. As dramatic as it sounds, Diana swore that she felt refreshed when she woke up the next morning.

  
  
8 a.m. in the morning is rush hour in AGH, every one is sprinting to catch the elevators that will go up to the five floors of the medical institution.

  
  
It seems like the universe is cutting Diana some slack, because after brisk walking in the foyer, she got the last vacancy in the elevator already filled with people.

  
  
At the most end of the chrome cube, Ben Solo is already looking at her. After exchanging a glance, Diana faced the silver doors as it met in the middle. While Ben looked down and stared at his shoes, smiling at himself.

"Excuse me," Someone far behind Diana broke the silence. "Mr. Solo?"

  
  
"Yes?" They just saw each other yesterday. He even gave her a ride home. But his deep voice still manages to surprise. Especially it came from her back that sent tingles up to her spine.

  
  
"I just saw your performance on the awake CABG yesterday. Excellent work." A voice of an old man complimented the young doctor.

  
  
"Thank you. Thank you very much Sir-" He politely suspended his sentence, waiting for the man to say his name. His hand is already extended.

  
  
"Antilles. Wedge Antilles. Third year resident." The man, Antiless, reached for it and gave it a firm shake.

  
  
Then another voice chimed in. This time, it's a voice of an older woman. "It must be an honor to participate in Dr. Pryde's medical breakthrough. You really did well Dr. Solo."

  
  
_Oh right_ , Diana thought as she remained silent. Looking up in the ascending numbers on top of the elevator. She forgot that no one knew that it was actually Ben's breakthrough rather than Pryde's.

  
  
"Yes. It was really an honor. Thank you." Diana didn't see it, but Ben raked his hair. An indication that he's starting to feel uneasy because of the compliments he's receiving from strangers. 

Third floor is where the main floor is situated. But for the two, their locker rooms and surgical patients are on the highest floor. So when the elevator dinged for the third time, they have the small, square space all by themselves.

  
  
Ben is still at the end corner now leaning his shoulder to the wall.

  
  
Her nose is buried on the small stack of paper she's carrying on her hands when she felt the hair at the nape of her neck bristled.

  
  
Diana immediately reached behind her neck and rubbed it. Without lifting her chin, her eyes moved straight ahead to the doors to see their reflection. "You know I can see you right?"

  
  
"I know." He lifted himself and walked towards her. Shoulder to shoulder. Or shoulder to head due to their significant height difference.

  
  
She let out a dry laugh. "Are you expecting me to give you a job well done like they did?"

  
  
"You keep agreeing over and over again on what I was doing to you yesterday so I guess I'm set."

  
  
That made her break the eye contact she's maintaining on her papers. Ben's eyes became more enthusiastic when she finally looked at him. Like a kid in the zoo when the tiger finally do something after poking it with a stick.

  
  
She felt a heat in her neck. "Am I really that good? Because you keep mentioning it since yesterday."

  
  
"Am I good Diana?" He returned the question. The end of his sentence sounded suggestive, an eyebrow going up because of the provocative remark.

  
  
He really likes to play with her.

  
  
"Uh-" Diana stammered. "You know what? I'm not going to pet your ego."

  
  
"Sure. You go and do that."

  
  
Then it was silence. Diana was supposed to put her attention again on the papers she was reading but she couldn't put off the pair of eyes still observing her.

  
  
She raised her head again. Only to receive an [enticing stare down](https://images.app.goo.gl/rWYLYcqHLempt2DL7) from the tall man beside her. 

  
  
"Dr. Solo."

  
  
"Yes, Dr. Montgomery?" His eyes traveling all around her.

  
  
The way they address each other is not only filled with mockery anymore.

  
  
"Stop looking at me like that."

  
  
His eyes stopped to meet hers. "Like what?"

  
  
"Like you've seen me naked."

  
  
The elevator dinged, stopping at their destination.

  
  
"I've got news for you Diana."


	17. Point Where Parallels Intersect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> angst & smut ahead
> 
> trigger warning: d//eath

**Chapter Seventeen: Point Where Parallels Intersect**

Double doors of the Emergency Room were pushed open as the two made their way in. Both Ben and Diana's pager went off at the same time and ordered them to respond to the incoming trauma. The entire room is in a whirlwind. Nurses and stretchers are coming in from different directions, both of them professionally dodging each one without batting an eye. Already used to the dynamics of the room.

  
  
The two immediately saw Kanata following a stretcher. A medic is presenting the condition of the unconscious man. "Unidentified John Doe, mid-thirties pedestrian, hit by a motorist swerving to avoid a bike, GSC 3, pupils fixed and dilated. Atropine given for pulse in the forties, BP 183 over 112."

  
Diana held on to the rails of the stretcher as they follow the patient. "Push a gram of Phenytonin, please."

  
  
"Is he corked?" Kanata threw the question as she check the vital signs of the John Doe.

  
Ben grunted as they transferred the patient to a bed. "It looks like it doctor."

  
  
Diana waited for their resident's order to book an OR, but nothing came. "Uh, excuse me. Dr. Kanata, he's not going to the OR?"

  
  
"No. You and Dr. Solo do an EEG and confirmatory tests. If he didn't respond with in six hours. Declare him." With that, resident left her two interns to look out for the patient whose name is still unknown.

  
  
Diana knows what Kanata already means by the word, "declare". But she needed to hear it. "Declare him?"

  
  
The resident is already far away to tend another trauma, so Ben answered her _not-so_ rhetorical question. "Brain dead."

  
  
  
After doing the tests Kanata ordered, they want back to the patient to check his condition. Ben pulled the eyelid of their still-John Doe, flashing a light to his eye to look for any movement in response to the light. "I told you, there's no corneal reflexes."

  
  
The time crunch stressed Diana out. "It's only been 35 minutes. If he doesn't respond to these tests in the next five hours, what? We're supposed to just stand here and watch him die?"

  
  
Ben, on the other hand, isn't even bothered anymore. Cases like this is very regular to the hospital. This time in their internship, Diana should feel the same either. "If he doesn't respond to these tests, it's because he's already dead."

  
  
"Technically. Legally." Diana countered. Pulling a word play to find a loop hole to indicate that they can still resuscitate the man within five hours.

  
  
"Actually, Diana." Ben maintained the context of his answer, passing her a glance to tell her that he knows what she's trying to do. "Actually dead."

  
  
She raised her hand to the heart monitor to show him the sign of life coming from the man. "He's breathing on his own. No machines. He has a heartbeat." Diana enforced her point.

  
  
Her being unable to see or accept the reality made him frustrated. "Diana," He pushed back the strand of his hair that fell on his forehead. "Look at his EEG. There's no higher brain function. He'll never talk, move or think again. There's no one in there. But I'm sure you already know all of that because you've been under Holdo longer than I am."

  
  
She knows all of that ever since the first wave of results come in. But it's all early to call it in that he's a lost cause. "He could wake up. You know that hope is your mother's whole concept, right? She literally wrote book about medical miracles. She won a Harper Avery because of that."

  
  
"Yes, I know. Thank you for reminding me about my own mother's accolades. But keep in mind that there are false hopes. It's been done. I'm sorry but we can't do anything about this anymore." Ben explained.

  
  
"There's still 5 hours and 15 minutes." Diana said dismissively, looking at the patient as if telling him to stay strong.

  
  
Ben audibly huffed, thinking about the wasted opportunities he was missing by just standing there. "I wish he'd just go to the light already, so I can get on another case."

  
  
Speechless by just the words that came out of his mouth with no hesitation whatsoever, Diana slowly turned her head to give Ben a look of revulsion.

  
  
He raised his arms in defense. "Oh, I'm the devil because I'd rather be in surgery instead of watching over the death squad? It's depressing."

  
  
"My god, no one's asking you to be here Solo. If you want to go then go, I'm not desperately asking you to stay."

  
  
He turned around, the hem of his white coat fluttered. "Perfect."

  
  
"Fantastic." Diana said, wanting to have the last word in their yet another argument.

  
  
His feet only took five long steps when the monitors started to let out a fast beeping sounds. The blood pressure of their patient is dropping.

  
  
"He's crashing." Diana straightened her shoulders in attention, looking around to find another way to make the beeping stop. She can't call in code because the John Doe is technically dead.

  
  
"What the hell are you doing?" Ben went back to the room. Diana is running around like a maniac. If she can't call code, she has to think of other ways to stabilize the BP.

  
  
"I'm getting the dopamine. We can't- _I_ can't just let him go." Frantically giving him an answer as she get the fluids needed. Sprinting around and trying to avoid the gigantic frame following her.

  
  
He's trying his very best keep a calm (near condescending) attitude as he keep on pestering the evidently anxious Diana. "We can't do anything to make him live. It's not our place to make that call."

  
  
"Ben, he's a person. We're doctors and we have every right to make that call. We can't just stand here and do nothing while he dies. He has a right to the next 5 hours. So get out of my way and go find yourself some surgeries to scrub in because I'm saving a life in my own way."

  
  
He stopped following her and stood for a few seconds [to fight the conflict inside of him](https://images.app.goo.gl/UQR4RBFBgVfw6Tjo6). _Screw it_. "Inject the dopamine now. I'll transfuse his blood." He grumbled. Subsequently helping her to revive the "actually dead" patient, according to him.  
  
\---

If Diana could punch him right now she would. She could seriously give him a gash in that pretty face of his no matter how tall he is than her. Climb him, jump at him, tackle him. With the news that she heard just now, all the options are on the table.

  
  
Diana went all Terminator as she started the manhunt for Ben in the halls. It didn't take that long to find that massive man wandering.

  
  
"Solo." In a small distance between them, she called him dryly. Sound of being desperate and needy is non-existent in her voice.

  
  
He heard her the first time. But he didn't know why he keep on walking like he didn't hear anyone call his name.

  
  
"Dr. Solo." She called a little louder and angrier this time. Almost sprinting to reach him.

  
  
"Dr. Montgomery, do you need something?" He said, intentionally acting nonchalant. Not meeting her eyes as he skimmed the information written in the stack of papers in his hands.

  
  
"Why am I hearing that you're organizing an organ harvest on my patient?" Interrogating Ben whose legs are still on the move to walk down in the hallway.

  
  
"Your patient? That's Kanata's patient." He replied coolly.

  
  
Diana blinked for a few times, trying to compose herself. "Stop with the technicalities. Is it true then?"

  
  
"If he doesn't wake up on the time limit he could still live. His apparent "death" should mean something." He simply stated, not giving her the whole story to Diana all at once.

Unbeknownst to her, Ben politely turned down a scrub-in to think of other way on what she wants. If Diana wants for the man to truly live with his condition, Ben thought that the last option would be an organ harvest. The man is obviously healthy, no signs of disease that would deem him an ineffective donor. It would be such a huge waste of life if he didn't wake up and they didn't do anything to help others.

But Diana is not seeing that light of the end of the tunnel right now.

  
  
She anchored her hand to his arm, stopping him from sauntering. That didn't actually do anything, Ben stopped on his own accord. "So that's your solution to "keep him alive"? Acting like a vulture, waiting to pick him clean?"

  
  
"Why do you always think the worst in me?" Every-" His sentence is cut by a nurse who walked in the space between them. Seeing doctors fighting in the hallway is a very common happening to them. "Every last one of the organs that would be harvested represents someone, somewhere, who's going to live because of him. That's the best we can do here."

  
  
"No. Not always. But the best thing we can do here is to wait for any response for him! What the fu-" Her forearms immediately tighten, it took Diana a minute to realize that Ben grabbed her and pulled her inside to the nearest supply closet.

  
  
A smell of cedar and pine is coming from the sleeve of his coat, reminding him of their time in the rain and the- _No! Diana you're mad at him. Keep it together!_

After reaching the middle part of the room and between the metal shelves of fresh sterile blankets and tubes, Ben finally let go of her. "About the miracles you said earlier. You're right about that. It happens. People wake up, that's why we do series of test over a set number of hours. But there isn't going to be any miracles about this patient. That is the hard part Diana. To stand around as surgeons and not cut, that's what real harm means."

  
  
"Solo," She exasperatedly said, "I'm still expecting that he will wake up any minute. Have you seen his sneakers? They're brand new. Somebody sewed a tear in his shirt. He belongs to someone. His not just simply a case, he's an actual living person."

  
  
"You know for an intern who is really fond of neurosurgery, you're being too irrational right now." Ben paced back and forth between his part of the aisle. The pad of his fingers rubbed his lips in agitation.

  
  
"What the fuck? And for someone who likes to hold a heart on a daily basis, you're acting heartless." She could feel her ears getting hotter every minute.

  
  
"Are you hearing yourself? Waiting for a brain dead person to open his eyes? Diana, please act like a doctor."

  
  
" _Act like a doctor?_ You mean I should act like a robot like you? You're good at holding a scalpel but you lack the most common thing to be a human." Their argument is starting to rise higher than expected. Voices beginning to get louder. Their heartbeats are accelerating.

  
  
"What is it then? Hmm?" He pondered, much to his chagrin. Fueling the fire of their squabble.

  
  
"Compassion. You have none of that living inside you." Diana swears she's only _thisclose_ from pulling her hair in extreme annoyance.

  
  
"M-my compassion." He stammered. "Being a realist doesn't mean that I don't have compassion."

  
  
"You're not even being a realist!" Her fingers are curled, like a tiger ready to scratch. "You're a pessimist."

  
  
"You're just being too much of an optimist." He shot back quickly.

  
  
Diana raised her hands in disbelief. "You know what? Fine. I'm an optimist. At least I can see good in everything." She started her walk past him to get out of the room as quick as possible. The tension they created is too much, she needed to breath.

But the [tall](https://images.app.goo.gl/TSvXxKvPiyYerRpB9), brooding figure of Ben denied her of that wish when he blocked the only way to get out of the aisle. As she looked up to snap at him to move out of the way, Ben is already staring down at her like a triggered predator in the wild. 

"You really just think that you can leave here like that?" With the hostility perfectly enunciated in his every words, Diana knows he's not asking for a yes and no.

  
  
"What are you on about now Solo?" She can feel the the fear slowly enter her bloodstreams yet she stood her ground. Her arms crossed in front of her chest to mask her heaving chest. Instinctively trying to protect herself from the thing she's walking into.

  
  
Ben smiled at her act of defiance. "Oh, so I'm still _Solo_ , huh? Three days ago you were calling me _Ben_ over and over again like you were lost." He taunted, his words dripped with so much salaciousness. Helping her to remember how much she pleaded and whined to get relentlessly banged on top of that rickety table they have in the on-call room.

  
  
" **You're such an a-** " Her words evaporated in the thin air, gasping at the sudden movement.

  
  
" **Why don't you hold that thought for me?** " Ben growled. In just a matter of seconds, her body is already pressed against the shelves. The metallic shelves shook at the impact. Diana realized that it was bolted to the floor.

  
  
The switched has been flipped. Ben is furious. Really mad, frustrated and ingratiatingly hot. His anger is already converted into a radiating, sexual energy.

  
  
Diana could feel her rapid heartbeat in her throat. _So he really gets turned on when we fight_. Diana concluded. Because she can feel him already hard down there. "Are you going to fuck me so I can agree to that harvest surgery?" She still has unwavering bravery in her body.

  
  
Ben easily locked both of her wrists behind her back with his one hand, pushing her breasts closer into his chest. His eyes roaming her contesting face, too close for comfort. "You know I can take whatever I want."

  
  
She just gave him a sickening-sweet smile to piss him off more. Rolling her hips against his bulge, pushing him closer to the edge. Two can play at this game.

  
  
He took a sharp inhale. "Keep doing that or I swear to God Diana." His nose dove to her neck, wasting no time to suck her skin. Rough. He wanted to smell that faint trail of perfume sitting on her neck and behind her ear. He wanted to remember how she smells.

  
  
She shuddered as she swiftly raised her chin, enjoying how his lips latched to her neck. Her heartbeat is audibly pounding through her ears, she's panting underneath him now. His words already stirred her below. It's beginning to ache, and Diana wanted for him to do something about it right away.

  
  
" **Look at me.** You can talk to me like that outside, I don't care. But if we're alone together, we're going to do things my way." His free hand reached under her scrubs, grabbing her tits in one swift squeeze. He rolled her nipple between his fingers, giving a twist in a painful yet arousing way that makes her ask for more.

In just a few blinks, their coats and top scrubs are always strewn across the floor. Diana didn't even remember removing it off.

  
  
That elicited a breathy moan from Diana. There's a part of her that wanted to truly escape from his restraints and leave the room. Maybe give him a slap across his cheek on her way out. But the part of her that wanted to beg for more and moan more trumps that first part. She couldn't wait for the feeling of his tongue once again sloppily trailing her body.

  
  
Ben let out an amused, dominating laugh. He's letting her grind her hips over and over his cock. She's looking all bothered and pathetic, wedged between his thick legs. His dick is starting to get even harder against her while he's enthusiastically watch her grind. Only for him.

  
  
He turned Diana around, his palm pushed her lower back and started to aggressively pull her scrub pants together with her panties down to her ankles.

  
  
He smelled her right away. A scent of a needy woman impatiently waiting for his tongue to devour her whole from behind. "I'm going to be more compassionate like you asked and I'm going to rail you from behind. Do we have the deal?"

  
  
Diana is gripping the edge of the third shelf, facing the sterilized blankets covered with plastic. "I hate you so much. I wish you know that." She snarled, still trying to get the upper hand even if she's already bend over before Ben.

  
  
"But your pussy is already weeping for me. So I'm going to be _compassionate_ and do something about it." He kept running his finger up and down on her wet slit, sending a tingling sensation up to her spine. Ben didn't wait for her answer, she's going to give it to him by moans. 

His tongue mercilessly darted in her wet hole. Ben could feel the eagerness of her hips, arching her back to feel more of his lips and tongue. So he slightly shook his head, pushing himself deeper to her. Stiffening his tongue and assaulting it with all his might.

  
  
" _Ohhhh, fuck._ " Her voice quivered at the contact of his tongue. Messily lapping her folds from behind like there's no tomorrow.

The strands of his ink-colored hair tickled the back of her inner thighs, pushing her forward to the shelves as she let out a small yelp. "See," He said, lips still glued to her while his hands worship her ass, fervently kneading it as he eats. Two birds in one stone. Ben couldn't afford to let himself go to its touch. "You're so eager for me already."

  
  
It's only been three days, but it felt like three months for her. She wanted to feel it again, she wanted to feel his lips practically make-out with her cunt. It turns her even more when she's hearing Ben eat her so enthusiastically and attentively. Like he's always hungry and he's afraid he's going to run out of it. But she can't even admit it to herself that she wanted him. "Please," She shakily scoffed, trying to hide her panting. "I've had better."

  
  
_Wrong answer_. "And you're a bad liar." Ben eyes ungodly darkened, looking like got possessed. He stood tall, forming a plan inside his head to use her own words against her. He changed their position, forcing her to face him and put his hands to her shoulder to sink her down onto her knees. 

  
  
"Mmmm." Head titled to the side and eyes closed, he took his time to wipe his cheek and mouth with his hand. Enjoying how her wetness is sticking on his face. There's something so nasty with how her wetness is all over his mouth. Ben thought that she actually tastes like honey. He put his thumb to her mouth and pressed it against her tongue, letting get a taste of herself all because of him.

  
  
He wasted no time to pull his dick out, Ben is already filled with arousal and anger. His other hand is tightly grabbed her hair, forcing her to stare at it directly as his other hand swiftly fists his cock right in her face. The wet sound of fast movements made her aching nub throbbed. "Open your fucking mouth and let's see if you really had better than this."

  
  
Diana whimpered. She had a hard time wrapping him around her fingers, holding his angry cock from its base and began to tease. Giving small flicks at tip of his dick, licking the heady amount of pre-cum. She felt proud when Ben gasped a little as the sensation fill his thought. She sheated her teeth behind her lips are she started to suck his head. Lips already stretching as she does so, then start to squeeze around Ben's impressive length. Diana didn't even reach the middle when she started to gag then pulling back away from him.

  
  
Ben chuckled on absolute contentment on her struggle. "Yeah, that's what I thought. Go on, take it." He wrenched her hand off his cock and stopped her from pulling back. Forcing her head into his pelvis, hips thrusting hard and fast. Fucking her mouth that didn't stop from talking shit about him. He has no complaints about that. The though of him facefucking her behind closed doors while she keeps on insulting him on a daily basis is the best of both worlds.

  
  
"Ben." She called out or at least that what she thought she said on her mind. But only garbled noise came out of her full mouth as his cock slide in and out mercilessly.

  
  
"Oh," Ben cooed, understanding her even though the noises she can make are full moans as he fuck her mouth. "There she is." He chuckled, slowing his pace. Her mouth dribbled in saliva and pre-cum as he pulled out a little bit. Hands still on either side of her head, guiding her to move back and forth.

  
  
With every breathe he take, he exhales it so loud that it rumbles in his chest. "Say my name. Let me hear it one more time." He knows that she's fully into it already when she call his first name like he's all she needed in the world.

  
  
"Ben." She said it like it's a magic word as she was catching her breath after her mouth was mercilessly debauched by his thick cock. " _Ben Solo_." His name rolled of her tongue perfectly as both of her hands are rubbing the base of his shaft.

She's saying his name like it's her first time to curse, she felt bad uttering it. But it was heavy, stimulating and she couldn't stop herself saying it over and over again. And to be honest, the possibly of him coming undone with Diana repeating his name (full name) over and over again with that spent voice and utmost importance is a big possibility if he tried it.

  
  
He thought Diana looks even prettier kneeling down in front of him, eyeglasses fogged up because of all their erratic breaths and sweat. Conflict long gone in her eyes but their recent heated argument just made them more riled up at one another.

  
  
She started to give him performance and satisfaction. Diana started to relax her throat and began to take him in again. Playfully looking at the massive man above her. It's a proven fact now, Ben Solo is handsome in every angle. In her position, he looks like a God that's watching a mortal satisfying him. His half-hooded eyes looking down at her, watching her every move. His mouth are gaped, observing how her tongue glide at the back of his shaft and lick his bulging veins.

  
  
His hands weakly let go of their hold. Slightly hovering on the side of her head as Diana consume him perfectly. His lips parted as he winced, sensation she's giving him at the moment is too good. Too great.

  
  
" _Fuck_ ," He sharply whispered under his breath. His eyebrows furrowed in pleasure as he watch her. She never had this big before, but with how her lips are wrapped around her cock right now and her lewd moans and hums of enjoyment, she's obviously NOT clueless. "You know exactly what the fuck you're doing. Who the hell do you think you are sucking dick this good, huh?"

  
  
"Stand up. Hands on your back." He ordered. Pulling Diana firmly by her neck. He captured her lips with a searing kiss- velvety arousal and saliva mixing together. "I want to destroy that cunt in a different position. My cock wants to feel it tighten differently." He twisted Diana around, gripping the curve of her hips. If he continue to hold her down in that pressure, his hand marks will appear in color red in no time.

  
  
He plunged his full length up to the hilt, pressing his chest to her arched back. Nonrhythmic moans and pants covered the entire storage room. Their wet skins slapping, urging Ben to fuck her more.

  
  
Their height difference is a little hard to do what Ben's requested position. So Diana went up to the toes of her feet to give herself a boost, perfectly meeting his aggressive, thrusting hips. "Do you like it when– _shit_ – you take it from behind?"

  
  
"Yes. Oh, Ben. I love it." Her eyes are closed, already a moaning mess as her craving is being satisfied.

  
  
Anybody could walk in at any moment to get something. This is the place where hospital necessities are placed. An intern could walk in because some resident ordered him to get a 7-5 tube. Or maybe a circulating nurse, to start a central line and get the instruments.

  
  
She knows that she should be worried about those scenario. But when a 6'3, definitely packing, man was angrily pounding her from behind, it messed up her mind. And her guts, for that matter. Being put in a hazy, sultry, trance, the thought of getting count doesn't sound that bad. As a matter of fact, it even keeps her going.

"Did you miss it? Did you miss how my cock stretch your tiny cunt?" He hurriedly asked her. Biting his lower lips from not groaning too loud.

" _Uh-huh_." Diana breathed out. She can feel herself getting wetter. "I missed it. I missed it so bad." She quietly croaked. Trying her best to make her words understandable.

  
  
Ben has the most perfect view in the entire house. Arched back and ass rippling in impact with his every powerful thrust, he's in awe how her tiny pussy could take him all at once. He groped her voluptuous ass. Relishing the skin before smacking it.

  
  
"Can't get enough of this now, huh?" He grinned. Out of nowhere, her walls throbbed and clenched. Sucking him more inside her. " _Jesus_. . .Diana" Ben hissed, yanking Diana as he wrapped his forearms in her chest. Pulling her close, her back fully touching his hard chest. "Do that again and don't expect me to pull out when I'm about to cum." He vindictively swore, his open mouth sitting on her cheek just on the side of her lip.

  
  
"Please, Ben. Do something." With her hands already free from his hold, Diana reached behind her to grab his hand. Her clit is desperately begging to be attended. She pushed her head to side, catching Ben's lips. Diana knows in herself that she doesn't have the power to quiet herself with all the sensation she's receiving.

"More Ben. Fuck me more. Right there." She pleaded, her hands snaked behind his head. Tugging his luscious hair which he adores, encouraging him to snap his hips more inside her. If Ben giving it to after after a six-hour surgery is her best one yet, Diana is now experiencing getting pounded by a man with a 100% energy at 10 o'clock in the morning. Obviously beating the first time with the same man.

"Right here?" He asked with equal fervor as he glide his fingers more to the part that makes her writhe.

"Yes. Fuck me harder." Diana is obviously _out of it_. Second time they do this and Ben already knows that she could talk dirty if fucked to high heavens. Ben wanted to hear more of that so he diligently took a mental note of it. Saving it for future purposes.

  
  
Ben loves it when Diana starts to become whiny. It starts from deep, heavy breaths, then strained moans to maintain her dignity then there comes the needy, helpless whines. Asking him over and over again to "fuck her harder". He knows that she enjoys the soreness between her thighs after. "You're fucking insatiable." He smirked, watching her face getting drowned in pure satisfaction.

  
  
" _Don'tstopdon'tstop._ " An announcement is not necessary for him to know that she is near to the edge. Her kisses became more feverish, her clit against her feelings are starting to throb quicker. It's only a matter of time.

  
  
" _Ben..._ " She uttered his name for the last time before the bright lights consume her vision. Too bright, actually. Her whole body stuttered and froze. The climax ran through her fingertips, for sure he felt it too. Crying Ben's name against his mouth as her orgasm ripped through her entire body.

  
  
"Shit! Diana." That was the tipping point for him. Diana felt his chest rumbled behind her. Ben pulled the moment he felt that he couldn't hold it in any longer, his scorching seed spurted to her lower back and ass. His legs spasmed, throwing off his balance a little bit. But he didn't let go her as his arm still holding securely around her chest.

  
  
After catching a couple of breaths, Ben pulled out his handkerchief in the pocket of his coat. Wiping her face first then went below to clean the mess on her back. "I wish you could see the perspective from where I'm coming from." He cleared his throat. "The harvest is just a Plan B. In case the Plan A will not work out. He could save a lot of lives on that harvest."

  
  
"Right. I know that, I'm mad because I felt like you were keeping it away from me on purpose." Diana is still reminding herself where she is at the moment. She's definitely sure that her soul went away from her body during sex. She felt disassociated as she took a couple of breather.

Ben picked up their coats messily thrown on the floor, raising her still limp arms to put it in her. "That wasn't my intention. I was waiting for the right time to lay it down to you. I didn't know that you knew it already. We'll wait for him to give any sort of response at the time window given. I asked Kanata if it could be extended, she said yes already." He continued to give her an explanation, fully explaining the reason of his idea as he fixed the lapel of her coat.

"Thank you." She gets it. "Have you found out his kin?" Hospital work is their _sweet_ pillow talk.

  
  
"I just ended the phone call with the wife minutes after you ambushed me. Don't worry, I'll do the talking. And don't try to steal another scut work again later. I'll wait for you in the parking lot." Diana thought that he will turn around and leave the room. But as she was taming her hair, he bent down to level himself to her. Bottom lip softly touching her forehead, giving Diana the lightest "kiss" known to mankind.

Lips touching a part of their body after sex is not a "don't" on their rules right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> inspiration for their hallway quarrel– https://youtu.be/RAc7PzTNPk0 (Han and Leia at Echo Base)
> 
> i couldn't find a gif of kylo ren wiping his face off in that scene from TLJ to incorporate for the scene from above but here's the video–https://youtu.be/X2Xm7gXnGaw (at around 1:22) (2nd Force Bond)


	18. Made To Be Broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> plsplspls watch this tiktok first bc chileeee i had to incorporate it— https://vt.tiktok.com/UVVqMU/
> 
> ref pics underlined below!!

**Chapter Eighteen: Made To Be Broken**

It's like a sick and twisted joke to Diana. She's definitely convinced that someone from above pulled a hardcore prank on her. She remembers the buzzing moment when Ben Solo did the "perfect appendectomy" back when they were just starting on their internship. It feels like so long ago now.

  
  
She could still remember her thoughts that day. Bitter. Envious. Hatred flowing to the brim. The Snickers she had eaten that day didn't help a bit.

  
  
The thoughts are transcribed at her head: " _So in a nutshell, everyone wants to sleep with Ben Solo._ "

  
  
And she was the only one (assuming her friends are exempted) who didn't ride that train that time.

  
  
Oh, _how the tables have turned_.

  
  
Everyone is still on that train. But their fantasy is Diana's secret reality. And that reality happens three to four times a week now. Running for almost a month and a half.

  
  
Minimizing her whimpers should be a must in their arrangement. But because Ben is really THAT insanely good, she couldn't help to slip a loud, unrestrained " _Yes, Ben._ " once in a while. It wouldn't take long until his massive hand clamps her mouth to cover her moans. To shut up her. Sure, he'd wrap it around her mouth to keep her quiet, but he's only making it worse than it already is. Because he would _always_ lean, his mouth pressed to her ear and would say the _filthiest_ words ever. Evoking another eye-rolling muffled groan from her.

The sky is the limit with those two insatiable co-interns. After doing it in one of the supply closets, they kept raising their stakes. Fucking like rabbits with every chance they get. They're sure that they did it in every closet there is on the surgical floor. In every on-call room that's not even theirs. They even did it in the bathroom of their locker room. The things that they could do in a 20-30 minute quickie is unimaginable and glorious.

  
  
And now, approximately 30 minutes before they face their friends at the lunch table, they were having their own definition of noon "pick me up".

  
  
And they just keep on getting braver and braver.  
  


  
  
"Hey guys." Diana slid to the last vacant chair of their lunch table.

  
  
"You're glowing," Finn said as he continue to sip his empty cup. The air and ice inside are crashing together.

  
  
" _Dr. Diana Montgomery–Solo_ " he continued, pressing the straw to side of his mouth.

  
  
She's obviously taken aback at Finn's roll call, she just forced every bones in her body to not give any signs that would give away her and Ben's sexual adventures.

  
  
"Ha." Diana let out a wry laugh, sucking off the smudge of chocolate pudding on her thumb from pulling out the lid. "Weird joke Finn."

  
  
"No it's not." Poe grinned, scaring Diana more. "It says on your coat right there." The tips of his fork explaining the existence of the joke.

  
  
She bowed to follow the direction of the utensil. It landed on the left side of white coat she's wearing. It's a little crumpled because of the way she's sitting. But instead of seeing her name, the only readable embroided cursive letters formed the surname of her co-intern— **Solo** _ **, M.D**_

  
Perfectly explaining why it feels larger than it was supposed to be. Her coat only reached her knees, this one almost ended halfway on her legs. Even the sleeves of the coat almost swallowed her. Diana became to accustomed on his scent lingering around her that she didn't notice that she's wearing an article of clothing of him.

  
  
"You grabbed mine when we were both napping on the on-call room. I got yours right here." Ben said casually, returning her coat neatly folded.

  
  
"Shit." She muttered as she remove the white garment off her body. "Yeah, I got paged so I didn't notice." She began to put another layer in the lie Ben started. _Napping_.

  
  
The two of them having a power nap together at the bunk bed of the on-call room has no malice. They've done it a couple of times before they even began having sex together in secret spaces. But they thought that it wouldn't hurt to steer their friends' thoughts far away from what they are really doing.

  
  
"Aww look at you two sharing your coats." Armie teased.

It's a miracle that their friends are not suspicious yet (maybe they already are and their good at being quiet about it). One time Ben was teaching Diana how to do a proper running whip stitch on a banana. His is much better than hers. But they were acting like they were the only people in the room. Heads bowed as he kept on lowly murmuring to keep the pressure of her fingers equal at one another. The word _space_ was non-existent at the two of them.

  
  
Becoming more frequent than intended, the passenger seat of his luxury car has become her unofficial seat. And every night, Ben would find a place to order _"the thing that you were talking about during break/lunch/etc."_ before getting her home. She even made a plan that she wouldn't say a thing about her cravings for a whole week but Ben smoothly hustles to find a place to go to every single time. Pulling a _"I wanted to try this place for so long but I never managed to do it."_ stunt to her in different sentences possible. Because eating inside his car for a month and a half is not violation to their no dinners and no sleepovers rule.

* * *

Grocery shopping is one of favorite things Diana does when she's outside Alderaan Grace. The weekly errand gives her a sense of calm and relaxation. She likes the therapeutic feeling of soft music coming from the speakers being drowned by the wheels of shopping cart rolling against the tiles. The nonrhythmic beeps of the items in the checkout counter are her favorite.

She's in deep thought as she stands on the cereal aisle. Facing the vast, colorful selection of the boxes that seems to go on forever. With the basket on her right hand and a Cap'n Crunch to her left, Diana is making a decision to buy a different cereal with a different brand from the one sitting on her cupboard. The Cinnamon Toast Crunch in her apartment is already halfway empty because she likes to dip her hands in it whenever she enters the kitchen.

Unlike her, a person to her right wasted no time to grab something from the shelves. Exactly knowing the type of cereal they want. Strangely enough, the person didn't walk away after grabbing their preferred box. They just stood there, as if almost waiting for her to look at them.

Diana slowly peeled her eyes from the box and took a slow glance beside her.

What are the odds?

"Hi." The way Ben reached that low note made Diana think the way he said it was intentionally flirty.

"Hi." She greeted back, sounding very suspicious. . . Diana realized that she's nervous. "What are you doing here?" 

Ben looked at her straight in the eyes before chuckling. "I have to assist in a heart transplant in aisle five. You didn't know?"

"You're hilarious." Though her words are straight up compliment, Diana's scrunched up nose and squinted eyes are clear indications that it's a clear mock.

"Thanks." 

He's wearing all black tonight– basic [black t-shirt](https://www.google.com/amp/s/kylo-ren-writes.tumblr.com/post/178288090067/bnsolo-adam-driver-closing-snl-1162016/amp) that gives him a 100% appeal more than he already has and a black [bomber jacket](https://www.google.com/amp/s/the-adam-driver-files.tumblr.com/post/183603545677/32019-adam-driver-burn-this-stage-door/amp) that makes his shoulder go on for days. His usual Navitimer Chronograph peeking on his wrist. 

_Damn it, why does he have to look so good for grabbing a cereal? He's only holding a box of those boring Heritage Flakes and wearing simple clothes yet he looks like he's in a middle of photoshoot for the cover of GQ or Rolling Stone Magazine._

_God and the hair. . ._ Diana had to look around her to check that there's no softbox lights and production team in the premises. What would be the cover title if that happened? 

**Find out Ben Solo's Top 10 Favorite Cereals!**

**Discover Ben Solo's Secrets on How to Keep those Luscious Locks Even After a whole day of Surgery! (p. 65)**

But the coast is clear.

"You look beautiful. I like your," Ben stopped his sentence to look down. Subtle admiration behind his eyes. "Avocado dress?" 

"Thank you." She cleared her throat, becoming bashful. Consciously running her hand on the fabric near her stomach. She actually bought that button-front midi shirt dress on a whim. "Aritizia was selling it 30% off. Lucky for me I had a 30% off money." She muttered, nervously fumbling her necklace, not catching his roving eyes.

"I had lunch with Finn and Poe." She blurted out. As if defending her reason of being overdressed.

Ben had the same lunch invitation. As much as he wanted to accept it, his Sunday appointment has already been set 2 weeks prior the day Poe asked him.

It felt like he didn't fully hear her ramblings. He looked like he's formulating something in his mind. "You're going on a dinner with me tonight." He said it warily, leaving her with no other choice. She's going on a dinner with him. Period.

"Excuse me?" She scoffed. Her fingers clutched the handle of the supermarket basket harder. 

Ben short circuited, preventing him to form his words properly. His Adam's apple bobbed, slowly backing up his words. "What I was trying to say is, my—"

"Benjamin, let's go. Threepio is next in line in the counter, he's waiting for your cereal." A raspy voice behind Ben made him subtly wince. He closed his eyes, _too late now_.

He's acting as the wide wall between Diana and the voice. She heard that voice many, many times before. But she didn't expect that she will heard it again in the middle of the cereal aisle at 9 in the evening.

When Ben stepped to the side, it's her turn to short-circuit. Just few meters ahead of her is the living legend in the flesh. Suddenly, the boxes of cereal have lost it color when she saw the striking blue coat and red-framed tinted spectacles of the woman.

"Mom, I'd like you to meet my co-intern, Diana Montgomery. Diana, meet my mother, Dr. Leia Organa–Solo."

Diana's barely hanging by a thread. She's starstruck. "It's my pleasure to meet you Dr. Organa–Solo." 

"Leia would be fine." The old woman looked very keen as both of her hands covered the reaching the hand of her son's "co-intern". "It's very nice to meet you. Would you like to join us for dinner? I'd really like to know more about you."

_Oh, my god. I'm gonna pass out._ She shook Leia's hand once during a book signing. But it was just swift because the security's glare almost cut her. She must've done something good today because being asked by a renowned surgeon for a dinner doesn't happen that often.

"That sounds very lovely doctor but I don't want to intrude your time with Ben." She gave him a quick glance. His eyes already glued at her, appearing to be interested with her _avocado dress._ _So that's what he meant by dinner._

The doctor waved her hand in disagreement. "Nonsense. Ben would like you to be there. Isn't that right son?"

"Absolutely." He sounded so genuine. Ben tried to give her a heads-up because he knows damn well how persistent her mother is. 

Turning down a dinner with THE Leia Organa-Solo seems rude. For the woman and even for herself. "Dinner would be nice." She knows that she's grinning like a maniac now. But she can't control it, that invitation itself sent her to the moon. 

"Benjamin, you're just going to stand and ogle her? Go pick up her basket." 

Diana couldn't help to chuckle at how fast Ben pulled it from her grasp to follow his mother's wishes. A 5"1 easily bossing around her 6"3 son (who's mostly stoic and reserved) is a quite sight to see.

"Threepio is surely panicking now." The mother wrapped her hands around Diana's arms as they walked out of the aisle, Ben slowly trudging behind them. "Now tell me, how often does my son gives you headache? He's charming like that."

"I already lost count doctor." She whispered. Realizing that the woman likes to be humored.

Leia let out a boisterous laugh. Her theory is just about right. Ben only likes to give headaches to certain people. And Diana has the honor to be showered with those every single time.

It's his messed up way of demanding attention from a certain person.

"He got that from his father."

\---

Of course Ben lives in a two-story penthouse in One Lincoln Tower. In Bellevue, no less. The man practically lives in heaven, far from where the traffic happens. 41 floors far, to be exact. What did Diana expect?

It's an oasis.

Most of the time, she forgets that the person she has the leisure to run her mouth at is the son of someone famous. And that's the _point_ in the first place.

  
  
She's greeted right away by the walls of glass in the living room, giving them the best view of Lake Washington, the Seattle Skyline and Mount Rainier. A floor-to-ceiling fireplace to the side anchors the spacious room, Diana had to hold her arms together. Afraid that she will knock something.

  
  
With the contemporary yet warm architectural style of the house, Diana is sure that their five figure annual intern's salary is like a spare change to Ben. A change that he likes to drop in his piggy bank.

  
  
It (metaphorically) smells like old money.

  
The living room is easily connected to the kitchen. It's Diana's kitchen of dreams. The expansive countertops, where the butler (Leia said he's an old friend) who introduced himself to Diana as William Threepio put down the supermarket bags, are made from stone. The distinctive wood custom cabinetry that adds to the appeal of the kitchen is too clean. Unused. Seems like Ben doesn't have a minute to use his expensive, gourmet kitchen.

  
  
"Why don't you give Diana a house tour while we prep for dinner?" The mother mused, busy passing vegetables to Threepio. She sounded like a mother ordering his son to show how his new remote control works. Throwing the simplest idea for them to bond.

  
  
"Oh I'd love to help. I'm sure I could give an extra pair of hand for cooking. It's the least thing that I can do." She offered. The thought of her just lounging around in this big of a house while the matriach runs the kitchen all by herself doesn't sit well with her.

  
  
"No, no, no. We can manage. And I insist. It's great that you know your ways in the kitchen. Benjamin likes to pretend that he doesn't have one and keeps ordering those sad 3-bites of food they serve down there at the restaurant." Her spectacles titled downward, eyes zeroing on her son. "She's a good influence. Try to bring her more here."

  
  
_Oh._

  
  
"That's up to her, mother." Mother. Not mom, but _mother_. Ben is starting to feel uneasy due to Leia's insistence. She really likes to be the Emma of her own Jane Austen world.

  
  
"I don't mind that at all." Diana voiced out her own answer.

  
  
Ben noticed that she's smiling too much ever since she saw his mother in person. Diana sings her praises to his mom with no stuttering all the time. But he didn't realize that she really looks up to her. He's never seen her smile that much. It's blinding, it's makes him pissed at himself. Because it's only tonight that he's seeing it.

  
  
He gestured for her to take the stairs first. "You have to forgive my mom. It's been a while since she saw me with _someone_. I think the excitement overwhelmed her."

  
  
"It's nothing. Besides, I love her." She couldn't care less if Leia continues to bombard her with the most mundane facts about her. She loves it.

  
  
"Yeah, obviously she does too."

  
  
She should've known that his Porsche is only just a pre-game to his rich, bachelor life. Because on the upper level, she can see the master en suite right away. There are no doors to keep anyone from going in and out. The only thing that separates it from the hall is another tall, transparent glass and a double sided fireplace.

  
  
She's impressed about the view that keeps following them, from the bathroom to his walk-in closet. They went to this office to end his tour and surprisingly enough, his office has more of him than his own bedroom. Positioned to have a million dollar view to the side, the last room he showed to her is where his personality and life reside.

  
  
His Harvard diploma that hangs front and center on the wall behind his chair is the first thing her eyes caught. To the side is the picture of him, Armie and another lady (she assumes that it's Gwen) taken on their [graduation day](https://www.pinterest.ph/pin/460352393153137859/). They were wearing their black togas with red hoods. Armie had his mouth wide open, eyes proud and full of happiness. Ben was crouched down, he wasn't looking at the camera but lines on the side of his eyes were enough to tell that he was happy. The photo caught him in the middle of carrying his two friends standing on his both sides.

  
He stood next to her and followed the trail of her eyesight, finding that it's glued to their [family picture](https://ar.pinterest.com/pin/ATRFP9B_8nYaEFUET6lshNO4BcAf80aan1ZhGFdfZAjRTa-S9zu-k2E/) almost five years ago. He was standing tall holding a bulldog in his arms sandwiched by his parents. They were all dressed up– fancy dress, suits and tuxedos. This time, Ben was looking at the camera, giving his most gentle smile.

  
  
"That was during my mother's 60th birthday party. A year before med school." A year before he became Kylo Ren.

  
  
"The dog is cute." Diana swooned, still not leaving the picture unattended.

  
  
"His name is Artoo. I'm sure he's dozing off somewhere downstairs. She considers it as her youngest son."

  
  
Diana laughed, feeling soft at the thought that Ben has a canine sibling. "You're a big brother then."

  
  
"I guess I am." Ben looked at her profile. With her hairs tucked, he noticed that she's not wearing any earrings. She never wore one, even when their at Alderaan Grace. Even when she had that interrupted date. She never had jewelry placed in her pierced earlobes.

  
  
He took a mental note to do something about that.

  
  
"Do you want to hear a mystery?" She's looking at him now. Her eyebrows are raised than normal, she's acting like she wanted to tell him some juicy controversy.

  
  
He leaned his side on the mahogany drawer just below the hanging pictures. "I'm all ears."

  
  
"There's a Montblanc ballpoint pen sitting at the bottom of my coat pocket. Do you know anything about that?"

  
  
"A Montblanc?" His eyes became immediately interested at the sharp corners of his office. Acting oblivious about the existence of the $97 sterling silver pen. "Nothing that I know of."

  
  
"Hmmm." she hummed exaggeratedly, continuing to play the game. "I don't know. I think it's funny that a pen came out of nowhere after we accidentally switched coats."

  
  
"Yeah, weird." The answer is already there in the open. Ben is just too stubborn to admit that he bought it for her.

  
  
It only happened once, Diana was beating the time to finish her charting when all of her pens suddenly started malfunctioning. It started blotting, the others just stopped working. In the spur of the moment, she pulled the extra pen that was tucked in his pocket. Her thanks and apology became a single word as she continued to write like lightning.

  
  
Diana knows what kind of pen Ben gave her. Her mom had the same Meisterstrück, only in fountain pen, sitting on her law office ages ago. Once upon a time.

  
  
Ben was purely tempted to have it laser engraved with her name. **_D. Montgomery._** He just stopped himself on the last minute because he knows for a fact that she will not accept it if it's in a box, if it has her name on it or any signs that will tell her that it's brand new.

  
  
The twinkling sparkle ebbed from her eyes. Halting their little game. "Should I be worried?" She's concerned now.

  
  
_There it is._

  
  
"Worried about what? About my mother?" He said it again like he has no idea of the context of her question.

  
  
"You know what I'm talking about. The act of giving gifts, it's too. . . I don't know, _personal_?"

  
  
"Diana, last time I checked the act of giving gift is normal. Even _friends with benefits_ do it." Loud and clear. A reminder for her and for him. "You don't have to worry about it too much. Think of it as an investment."

  
  
"Investment." She echoes his choice of word as she pursed her lips. The inappropriate though that entered her mind made her snicker. "It sounded like you're my sugar daddy."

  
  
The silence made her think about two things:

1.) Ben has a weak sense of humor which is far from the truth

2.) There's an underlying fact about her joke

  
  
" _I could be._ " His tempting, honey dripping delivery made her eyes wide like saucers, catching her off guard.

  
  
Her fallen and shook reaction made him burst out in a fit of deep, uncontrollable laughter.

  
  
Her palm came flying to his arm to give it a light swat. "Tempting but no. You're only a year older than me Solo. I can buy a 24 pieces of pen for only $20. You didn't have to do it." She heaved a sigh of relief when he laughed to diffuse the stuffy air in the room.

  
  
"And look where that $20 worth of pens took you." His finger swiped his waterline. "I had a spare lying around. It's just a pen." Liar.

  
  
He made it sound like he found a lego lying around that has been tucked away in the gap under his drawer.

  
  
Ben wearing scrubs at Alderaan Grace with his white coat on and the Ben she's faced with who seems so agitated and soft around the presence of his mother are significantly different persons. And got to see the two at the same time.

  
  
"Right. Just a pen."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i like to remind myself how ben solo is filthy mad rich in this story
> 
> please tell me y'all saw the behind the scenes footage of adam driver in marriage story on twitter 😭😭😭 i think i passed out for a hot minute
> 
> penthouse insp: https://youtu.be/9MVZ0P0Erog


	19. Strike One, Strike Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'll never get tired to say this over and over again but THANK YOU SO MUCH for reading the story!! seriously my day becomes so better every time i see someone reads, comments and leaves kudos (bookmarks too!) on every update. ❤️❤️
> 
> (im so sorry in advance if you catch some errors and typos, im working on it!)
> 
> i love that we are all projecting ben solo as a surgeon. i mean with those hands the man could get everywhere

**Chapter Nineteen: Strike One, Strike Two**

The car ride to her apartment is quiet. Aside from the silent hum of the AC and the white noise of the interior, the two just share a comfortable quietness.

  
  
Ben could still feel the positive energy around her as she looks out in the window. Her fingers tapping a nondescript pattern. He exhaled audibly, unconsciously mirroring the tapping against the steering wheel. "Music?"

  
  
"Go for it." Her voice bounced back against the passenger window.

  
  
The second verse of The Smiths' There's a Light That Never Goes Out occupied the space of the car. Diana starts to noncommittally sing the lyrics. Her eyes staring far away.

  
  
Ben thickly gulped as Diana switch to melodically humming the song to murmuring the lyrics softly. He could feel his pulse start racing, accelerating the car higher than intended. The lyrics is very uncanny to be coincidental.

  
  
Diana abruptly stopped and extended her fingers until it reach his arm. Giving it a quick, sharp squeeze.

  
  
"I knew it. You're going 60, slow down." She leaned over to get close to his seat to look at the dashboard. Using the authority Leia gave her to pinch Ben once he went over 55 at the 65 lane.

_"Don't be afraid to knock some sense to him. He likes to pretend that he's the king of the road sometimes."_

  
  
Ben can immediately smell the comforting scent of vanilla in her hair. He angrily chewed the inside of his cheek, scolding the part of him that wants to nozzle her hair. If she doesn't get away from him quick, zooming **over** 65 is just in the horizon.

  
  
"Did you have fun?" He opened a conversation, distracting the urge to pull over to the side of the freeway if he can't step on the gas.

  
  
"One of the best weekends of my life." She sighed in satisfaction. "My Sunday night went better than I ever expected."

  
  
"Why? What was your plan before my mother whisked you away."

  
  
"You've seen my grocery basket. I was going to crack open that Sofia Rosé, watch what's on the TV then I'll wait until my alarm clock rings next morning. Nothing out of the ordinary for my Sunday night." She contemplated. Subtly rubbing her thighs under her dress to reach a small satisfaction. Diana is feeling extra needy tonight.

She's fighting an internal battle to not dip her head down on his lap and give him a head when she leaned over to catch a glimpse of the speedometer. His cologne makes him more irresistible. _God_ , she thought. _I can't even control myself around him anymore._

  
  
Three glasses of Pinot are more than enough for her to feel horny and hot. With the prince charming like-hair he has and the intense glare he was giving at his dinner plate, Diana had to squeeze her thighs numerous times under the table to let go of the air accumulating in her throat. Looks like her Sunday will end by her trusty vibrator giving her a good night sleep.

If they were in Alderaan Grace, Diana wouldn't hesitate to ask Ben if he wanted to _check out_ the on-call room. She'd do it in a heartbeat. Those three glasses are enough to put a pool of wetness in her panties by just looking at Ben Solo drive a car. But it's not strong enough to ask him if he wants to do it in her place.

And Ben had zero alcohol. Leia banned him to drink even a single drop because he has the job to bring their guest back to her house safely. Diana, hot and bothered under her dress, is expecting that Ben Solo is on the right mind to turn it down if she asked him to hook up tonight.

Two doctors who went to Ivy League schools are currently acting like two teenagers with raging hormones waiting for each other to make a move.

* * *

  
  
Ben pulled the shift to neutral as they pulled over in front of her apartment.

  
  
"Would you like to come inside and to have coffee? Or tea?" Wishing that she didn't sound too transparent. She said this to him a couple of times as a formality, a memorized lines as a way of saying gratitude other than "Thank You". But tonight, it's another way to extend their time together.

  
  
"I'd love to come inside," Ben said, intentionally dragging his words to have dual meaning. "to have some tea. _Tea_ sounds good."

  
  
Diana drew a sharp breath. "Good."  
  
  


  
The windows of her apartment have no postcard view like Ben's. But Diana felt like she caught a good deal with her place. Having a decent place with a rent falling somewhere in a thousand dollar per month that's already furnished is like a lightning in a bottle. It's far from the Greater Seattle Area but the commute is nothing to her.

  
  
"Coat?" She offered after Ben put down her grocery bag in her kitchen counter. "I could do the tour of apartment by just standing here. First door you saw is the bathroom. You're currently standing in the kitchen, make two steps and you're at my living room slash dinner table slash office." Her glass bowl made a hollow sound when she threw her keys inside.

  
  
"Aaaand the second and last door is my room. There you go." She chuckled at the thought that hers didn't even reach the half of his time from his own tour of his place. "It's not much but I can peacefully sleep at night so that's that." She turned around to reach for the kettle tucked near the stove.

  
  
"I think it's brilliant." Unlike his, Diana's place is full of her personality right away. The books are stacked beside her couch, pictures and magnets are scattered in her refrigerator with no fixed pattern.

Ben is standing near the sink, sweeping the entirety of her apartment when she walked towards him to fill her kettle with water.

  
  
"What kind of tea do you want?" Nobody's ever been in her own space since she moved to Seattle. "I have green tea, blueberry, turmeric, English breakfast, chamomile,"

  
  
Diana continued to list down the flavor of teas she has while Ben stood behind him, gathering all her strength and _morality_ to stop herself from arching her back that would _accidentally_ grind his crotch.

  
  
The impending feeling of his big presence in her small apartment adds to her motivation to jump Ben. It's like everywhere she turn around he's in her sight. Having no other choice but to touch him.

_Note to self: Don't get tipsy around Ben Solo. He's seducing me by just standing in my own place. Don't get drunk around Ben Solo, you could do unimaginable things that you won't have the chance of knowing in the morning._

"Jasmine, black tea, green tea while lemon, green tea with—" Diana turned around to pull out some mugs at her cupboard. Staying true at the offer of tea. But her train of thought evaporated quickly in the air when she caught a glimpse of Ben.

  
  
It's _that_ look— chin down, eyes staring straight at her. And they both know where this is going to end up.

Ben is done playing games. They crave the same things.

  
  
"Do you want to know something?" His fingers circled her wrists. Firmly moving their bodies to the side of the sink. His torso fully caging her. He loves to give Diana the feeling that she doesn't have anywhere to go (as if she wants to run away from him). But also because he loves the feeling of anticipation, the rising action before the actual high. That's the second thing he chases other than the climax.

That's what he feels like with Diana. An anticipation that never seems to fade away.

  
  
"What is it?" She tugged her wrists, compelling Ben to move closer to her. Her pupils are blown, desperately begging Ben to be nearer.

  
  
Much to her dismay, one of Ben's hold let go of her. Turning the faucet off once he realized that the water was still filling up the kettle.

The tea is now out of the window.

Having little to no effort, he lifted Diana and sat her on the counter. Ben uttered his confession, "I hate tea. Never drank a single bag of that in my whole entire life."

  
  
"Fucking liar." She can't beat around the bushes anymore. Her fists grabbed the material of his shirt, yanking him forward. She just needed to kiss him, to remind herself how Ben's lips taste like.

  
  
As messed up as it sounds to somebody, Diana loves that Ben has a control kink. There was never a time that his hands didn't touch her neck or the sides of her head. It always gravitates to grab her throat every time they were getting into it. And Diana has no complaints with that.

  
  
Her hands barely touched the zipper of his jeans before Ben caught it. Catching her fumbling fingers and moving it away from his crotch.

  
  
"No. We're not going to do that tonight." He sounded very angry, almost offended. "Now be a good guest and show me your bedroom."

  
  
Ben lifted her off the counter, going to the closed door that Diana pointed out as her bedroom. After rattling the doorknob and reaching for the light, Ben practically threw her in her mattress. The bed that she just fixed that morning became messy in a blink of an eye.

  
  
Because of her propped up position, the slit of her dress exposed most of her thighs. Giving Ben a teaser of what he's about to get. " _Strip._ "

  
  
_This is new._ "What?"

  
  
"You heard me. Strip." He didn't stutter. Didn't even move a muscle as he properly stand at the edge of her bed while Diana is sprawled below her. Not having second thoughts of what he wanted.

  
  
She first removed the fabric belt looped around her waist. Then her buttons. She wouldn't lie and tell that stripping in front of Ben Solo didn't cross her mind before. Every time she slips on her underwear before going to the hospital, she imagines how Ben would react if she slowly remove her clothes one by one. But now, she's facing that daydream right in the eye. 

  
  
He saw right away that Diana is being hesitant. "No. You don't get to be shy around me now." Ben commanded sternly. "Look at me when you do it."

  
  
Her lips quivered, his throaty command went right straight to her pussy. She gingerly did what he ordered as he continued to stare her down, not wanting to miss a single thing.

  
  
Her flimsy black underwear didn't do a damn thing as the cold air hit her skin. She lifted her arms to unclasp her necklace, only to be called out again by her tall spectator who's nearing to reach the top of her door frame.

  
  
"Leave it." Ben snapped, he wanted to see the cold jewelry pressed against her bare skin. The line of his cock on his jeans is much more evident. The sight of it made Diana pathetically salivate.

  
  
"I knew you're wearing something skimpy under that modest dress of yours. _Christ,_ you can't help it, can you?" Ben groaned as leaned to the side of the door frame, as he intercept his own voice that's nagging him to lunge and fuck the living shit of out her. _No._ He can do that later. He just needed to see her.

  
  
It has became a habit of them for have a quick sex. But Ben decided that this night is going to be different. He's going to take his time with her. He couldn't get enough of her now. It's driving him insane.

  
  
"Spread those legs more for me. Go on, let's see how much mess you've made." He continued to coax her from afar. Admiring her half naked (won't be for long) body rests in her own bed.

  
  
Diana had a simple wish for tonight: _roughly_ touch Ben. _Roughly_ tug his hair, _roughly_ kiss him. The works. But after almost two hours of catching glances at each other at the dinner table, he decided that now is the good time to do all of this.

  
  
The moment her ankles pushed apart from each other, she became fully aware of the aching that she's been trying to disregard all night. The rising desperation that she tried to relieve by squirming her thighs together just took up a notch.

  
  
Ben hummed as his fingers lightly pinch his chin. As if he's thinking something hard. "Rest your back on your headboard and remove your panties. I can't get a good look of how wet your cunt really is from where I'm standing."

  
  
"Why don't you remove it from me?" She hotly suggested. They're on the same room but it feels like he's so far away from her reach.

  
  
"We're doing this _my_ way remember?" He darkly reminded, licking his bottom lips. "Touch yourself and show me how you play with your pussy." His palms ran over his bulge, trying to relieve a small tension.

  
  
Her eyes widened. _This is how it's going to be_. "Ben." Her cautious voice shook. She didn't know that Ben Solo is into voyeurism.

  
  
He's usually not. But with his arrangement with Diana, it doesn't have to be the usual. "Come on, give me a show and maybe I'll go near you." His patience is becoming thin, his hands is still cupping his bulge.

  
  
After putting the scrap of fabric as an excuse for a panties, she presented her whole _self_ in front of him. Not for one second that his eyes left her, watching her getting all swollen between her thighs.

  
  
_If Ben wants a show, he'll get a show._ Earning a little courage, Diana jammed her two fingers into her mouth to collect moisture. With her eyes a little daring, her tongue gave her fingers more attention than intended.

  
  
The touch of her own fingers to her nub sent shivers all over her body. Her breath hitched as she started to rub tight circles on top of her clit. And with Ben watching her do it only a steps away from her bed, it feels even more exciting.

  
  
"Perfect." Ben cooed. He can see how are chest is beginning to heave. Small, quiet sighs are coming out of her mouth as she begins to pick up her pace. Her other hand already squeezing her breast.

  
  
"Do you think of me when you fuck yourself every night?" His voice is strained. Diana is not the only one who's being teased tonight.

  
  
"Yes, I always do." She breathed out. Countless of times. His name is what Diana has been shouting against her pillow every time she reaches her numbing climax.

  
  
Her mind doesn't even have to imagine. She could just rethink the things Ben does to her– his territorial hands that have perfect mix of being rough and gentle.

  
  
_Oh_ and his tantric voice– Diana knows that she can finish with no difficulty by just thinking the things Ben promises to her when they were in the heat of things. The man never runs out of the dirty things to say.

  
  
" _Fuck,_ you're so gorgeous Diana. You have no idea." He hissed. Looking at her glistening cunt as he's tightly grasping his cock. Not moving, just compensating the empty feeling around his shaft.

  
  
" _Ben_." The image made her legs involuntarily pull apart even more, her mind preparing her body to take it all. In an instant, she felt how useless her small fingers compared to his. "Help me here. Fuck me please." She whimpered.

  
  
"I told you to make yourself cum." The pad of his thumb circled his tip, distributing his precum to his shaft. His fist slowly fucking himself. "I really want to see it."

  
  
She have to make the most of what she has. Her fingers smeared her own pussy with her own slick and continued where she left off. Diana closed her eyes again, already feeling it slowly building up in her stomach.

  
  
"That's it. Does that feel good?" Ben spit in his palm. His hands letting out a hasty, wet sound from jerking off faster.

  
  
"Your cock is so much better." She whined. Her hips lightly bucking up. Expecting to get impaled by his fat cock any second before she reaches her climax.

  
  
He menacingly chuckled, just what he wanted to hear. "I know." He comforted. His fake sympathy just turned her on more. "I just need you to work yourself out _baby._ "

  
  
_Baby_. Usually, the term of endearment should've made her stop. On the contrary, it just urged her to put more weight to her clit that made her writhe more from the pleasure.

_Say it. I want you to call me that again._

  
  
Diana felt like there's not enough oxygen in the room as she gasps for air. " _Shit_. Ben, I'm close." Diana tugged her lip, her fingers slowly feeling the start of fatigue. 

  
  
Ben just smirked smugly. Enjoying the exclusive view of Diana thrashing above her covers while she devotedly repeat his name. 

  
  
"I'm gonna cum. I'm gonna—" Diana hastily declared before her legs became unsteady. She threw her back as the strong wave of pleasure hit her. Jaw hanging low as her chest stuttered.

  
  
She has no time to ponder like she always does after masturbating. As she was still adjusting from the white flash that she saw during her climax, Ben pulled her ankles to drag her across the bed. Completely manhandling her to sit her upright.

  
  
"We're not done yet." He heavily prompted. Closing the gap between them to give her a sloppy kiss. Diana likes the messy feeling of their wet lips missing their mouths.

Ben pulled away, holding her limp wrist to put her fingers in his mouth. Sucking every inch and drop of her– not missing a spot, before guiding it to his cock.

  
  
"You've been _dying_ to get a taste of it since we were in my car right?"

  
  
"Uh-huh. I _badly_ wanted to take you while you were driving. Are you proud that I controlled myself?" She spurred him on. Licking a long, wet line from bottom to top of his dick before wrapping her lips around his head.

  
  
"Don't act up." He huffed in amusement. Diana rarely talks back. But when she does, her words is almost on the same level of filth as Ben's. A perfect match.  
  


Her mouth is relishing the feeling of being full. Loudly humming as she hollowed her cheeks, tightening the space inside her mouth. Sucking him more.

  
  
She can see how Ben's stomach is starting to pull a deep breath. Trying his very best to quiet down his erratic inhales that flare his nose and his exhales that grumble his chest. _Borderline feral_.

  
  
Diana slowly pulled back, exposing the half of his length evidently oozing with saliva and precum. Admiring her own work while her two palms stroke him.

  
  
He went ahead and tugged the thin straps of her bra. Palming her tits that he couldn't get enough of. "Maybe I'll buy you a lingerie. Since that's all you want to wear, you _fucking_ tease." He said his thoughts out loud as he clutched a good piece of hair near her scalp.

  
  
That's actually not a bad idea, Ben thought. There's nothing hotter than seeing Diana wearing something naughty and impure that came from him. If he wanted, he could tear it away from her and he wouldn't even sweat to buy her a new pair. And he's the only one who has the leisure to see it. But just him... No one else.

  
  
Ben held the side of her face, forcing Diana to look at him. "I'm the only one who can see what's underneath your innocent clothes right? Tell me I'm the only one who can see you like this." Urgency is thickly wrapped around his voice. 

  
  
"Yes!" Diana cried, obviously out of it. Still working on his cock. "You're the only one Ben."

  
  
That made him growl. "Fuck, pull yourself up to the bed baby I need to fuck you now."

  
  
"But I'm not finished with your dick yet." Diana slightly pushed out her bottom lip.

  
  
"Don't worry, you can continue it later. I just need to pound you long and hard until tomorrow. Hmm?" He stepped out of his jeans and reached over his shoulder, pulling shirt from his lower back.

  
  
His knees sank in the mattress, kissing her deeply as he crawled forward while Diana pushed herself back. His back muscles curling in his every move. "Do you want it? You want my cock?" His palm firmly pressed her stomach. Holding the base of his cock as he furiously ran it over her folds.

  
  
Diana just vigorously nodded as an answer his question. The anticipation made her tongue-tied. She really, really, _really_ wanted it. It's like Ben Solo's throbbing cock is the only thing she needed in the world.

  
  
"That won't do. Beg me first." Wanting to get messier, Ben spat right in her clit. The swollen head of his cock smeared it all over her, letting out an obscene wet sound of slapping skin as he tapped it repeatedly. Sending electricity all over her body, simulating her another wave of pleasure.

  
  
"Fuck me hard Ben. _Please, please, please._ I want your cock." Diana whispered, pleading to be ruthlessly derailed by the huge man above her.

  
  
He then placed both of her legs on his wide shoulders, giving himself the perfect leverage to penetrate her deeper. _Deeper_ than what he could reach when they were stealing quickies at Alderaan Grace.

  
  
Ben decided that the foreplay is over and wasted no time to spear her. Grasping her thighs to thrust himself inside her fast and quick. Amazed at how her tits ripple from his swift actions. Her necklace that he told her to not remove wriggled and moved with every slam. 

"Always so tight for me." He gritted his teeth. Her uncontrollable moans and shudders are like music to his ears.

  
  
Ben pushed her knees to the side until it touched her bed, leaning forward to eat her tits which have been asking to be savagely devoured. Hips still surging in action as his cravings to fondle and bite her breasts are being satisfied.

  
  
Diana is holding on to her dear life, clutching the hair on the back of his head. Attempting to take a breath before Ben knocks it off from her. 

  
  
Both of his hands crawled to her neck, holding it firmly to secure her eye contact with him. The cold metal of his watch against her skin mixed with those powerful, unforgiving thrusts are the key to make Diana's eyes roll behind her head and make her toes curl.

She tried to scratch away his forearms near her neck, trying squirm and arch away. The sensation is drowning her and she can't kick herself up to the surface.

  
  
That made Ben laugh in a mocking tone. "What's wrong Diana? Don't you always _beg_ me to go harder?" He lifted himself up, torsos now far away from her. "Do you want me to stop?"

  
  
"No!" Diana sobbed. With the help of her feet wrapped around him, her hands quickly glued to his waist to pushed him near to her again. "Keep going, please."

  
  
" _ **Stanford slut**._" Ben smugly declared. The metal and springs of her cheap bedpost started whining again. " _Jesus_ , look at the way you're pretty pussy is eating up my cock."

  
  
Her forearms binded around his back, pulling him closer. "Oh God, Ben." Tears streaked her face. Skin-to-skin, one long thrust from him, she could feel his tip reach her cervix in their position. The constant rubbing and friction perfectly satisfy her clit.

  
  
Tips of their noses are touching in every push. Diana held the hair that blocks Ben's eyes, lips grazing at one another. Not affording to let go of each other's embrace.

  
  
"Where do you– _ahhh_ – want me to cum?" He groaned. Their foreheads are pressed together.

  
  
"Cum _inside_. Please cum in me Ben." Diana said it like a prayer with a burning passion.

  
  
"I'm going to— _fuck_ —fill that tight cunt of your with my cum. Is that what you what?" Ben taunted as he attacked her neck, sinking his teeth for a little bit before sucking it.

  
  
" _I–_ Yes! I wan—I want it deep inside me Ben." Her walls involuntary clenched. Her whimpers started to get louder. Signalling that it wouldn't take long for her to reach her second time for tonight.

  
  
Her ears began to ring, this one is much more intense and powerful. Diana felt like she's going to lose her hearing, she couldn't hear her own voice.

  
  
The creaking stopped, replaced by Ben's primal groans as he emptied inside of her. Diana felt it pulsed twice, generous amount of thick cum spurting in her, _truly_ filling her up. He didn't stop right thrusting right away, he's still pushing himself into her. Still pouring his spent far inside. But to a more relaxed and gentle pace this time around.

  
  
Diana is shaking– almost to the point where she's _seizing_.

  
  
Ben knows how extremely sensitive Diana after all of that. So he stayed on top of her for a moment, letting her catch the air that he deprived her of.

  
  
By the time Ben slowly pulled out, Diana was on the brink of passing out. Cum oozing in an instant as soon he unsheathed, creating a wet spot in her sheets.

  
  
He stood up to look at the aftermath in a different perspective. Blacked out. Red blotches scattered in her chest and neck. Ironically, sexually destroyed in a Sunday night.

  
  
Ben fixed her position, pulling her legs together again. He would've taken her in the shower if he could've. He cautiously pulled the covers under her, tucking Diana in.

  
  
" _Stay_." She managed to say. Diana doesn't have the energy to open her eyes. "Stay for a while and maybe you can leave later."

  
  
That was his plan before she even suggested it. "Alright."

  
  
After pressing the light off, Ben walked over to the right side of the bed. It dipped once he sat down, putting his watch to her bedside table, next to her glasses that he pulled out from her face.

  
  
Her soft blankets covered Ben's lower body. He looked over to see that her back is turned to him. She's out.

  
  
As a last hurrah, Ben stole a quick kiss on top of her head.

  
  
After going back to his side of the bed, he finally closed his eyes. The smell of sex and her perfume trapped in her bedroom lulling him to sleep.

  
  
He can leave early tomorrow morning. But when he removed his watch, he was well aware of the time.

  
  
12:32 a.m. It is _tomorrow_.

  
  
In just one whole night, they broke their only two rules:  
  
1\. No dinners

2\. No sleepovers

And their defense for each rule:  
  
1\. They had a 3rd party

2\. Not a sleep over because it's already tomorrow

They managed to create a loophole to the rules that they established in the first place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ....watching that scene from girls really gave me a good picture
> 
> i lost count on how many times i walked around before posting this chapter. thinking that i really wrote straight up porn


	20. What Goes Around

**Chapter Twenty: What Goes Around**

The sound of clock angrily buzzing at her bedside table yanked Diana away from her deep sleep. Mocking her that sleep time is finally over. But before she had the chance to roll around and click it off, it stopped. Thoughts still heavily clouded due to her slumber, Diana assumed that maybe the batteries reached the end of its life.

_But that too good to be true_ assumption is quickly proven wrong when the right part of her bed stirred. The bed frame groaned, followed by a certain someone pulling out a breath deep from his lungs. It wasn't long until she heard feet clomping away from the bed. 

Though the actions are obviously restrained to minimize the noise, it jolted her awake. She normally doesn't hear those kind of sounds every morning. The _interesting_ happenings of last night came before her eyes in flashes, sending her into full panic mode.

It's the morning after. For _real_ this time.

Ben Solo's marbled back is facing her as he pulled up his jeans. The metal frame of his belt clanked. "Sorry. I overslept." He stated. His groggy, baritone voice lifted the still, sleepy atmosphere of her room.

Diana attempted to make her position more decent by curling her body to be fully enveloped the covers, hiding her unclad skin. She's absolutely sure that she didn't create an attractive image on the way she slept.

In her defense, she didn't expect him to still be here. It's vague, but Diana knew that she was the one who asked him to stick around for a while. But not sticking _long enough_ for the rays of the sun illuminate the repercussions of the events that transpired last night.

She cleared her throat before speaking. "Umm...You did." It came out croaky and raspy. She can't go back to sleep now that her brain is the one going over 65 mph. Diana pushed her body to reach for her glasses, Ben's alluring natural masculine scent and fancy cologne already marked her pillow. _Oh, no._

Saying that "it's alright" would've been a better response. But **_sleeping_** with Ben Solo is an entirely differently concept with sleeping _**with**_ Ben Solo. The plan is the former, but it extended until they reached the latter.

"I'll be out in a few seconds." Ben flatly said. Not second guessing the unpleasant feeling that he extended the invitation too long. All kidding aside about the technicalities, they still broke the rule.

Diana is up to her feet as she wobbly wrapped herself, the crumpled covers trailing behind her as she pull her fluffy sleeping robe out of the cabinet. The odd feeling of dried out cum that leaked out of her all night as well as the tender and sharp feeling between her thighs made her wish that she should've gone back to bed.

They've done the sex part a couple of times and they are pretty damn good at breaking apart after. But today just feels so real that she even wanted to kick herself out of her own apartment so she can escape the vibe around them.

Diana anxiosuly chewed her lips as while watching Ben get dressed, racking her brain to find something to fill the stuffy silence between them. His messy after-sex and morning hair are draped over his face, his fingers pulling up the zipper of his jeans. _What is she supposed to say now?_

"Coffee." She answered her own question by blurting it out. Though they spent a night together, Diana can't disregard the fact that Ben is still her friend and guest. "You want some before you go out?" She elaborated. Diana is just digging her own grave deeper.

Ben pulled his shirt in one quick motion. _She really wants me out_. He has never been the person that gets kicked out. It's either ~~Ben~~ Kylo Ren was the one leaving right away without speaking another word or ordering the person that she would be gone by the time he comes out of the bathroom. It's a strange feeling now that the situation has been reversed.

"You and I both know that you don't want me here for another second." He raked his hair before grabbing his watch.

Diana winced when Ben hit the bullseye. She doesn't back down at confrontations. But she's the worst, the _absolute_ worst, when it comes to things like this. "Am I too obvious? I'm sorry—"

"What are you sorry for?" He interrupted, his head pulled down as he set the perfect tightness of the strap of his watch. "We agreed on no sleepovers. It's only fair for you to feel that way. It's fine."

The dreadful feeling is still looming in the pits of her stomach. "Okay." Diana suddenly doesn't know what to do with her hands. "Let me walk you." That's the least she can do to stop this encounter civilly.

"Sure." He finally met her tired, puffy eyes behind her glasses. With her long, plush grey robe almost swallowing her and volumed hair from rolling around in bed, Ben thought Diana looked so soft and disarmingly adorable. The side of his lips twitched, an early onset of smile that he fully, completely repressed. If it's not with the rising anxiety etched in her face, he would've explored her appearance a little longer.

-

"Ben?" Diana gathered his attention while he's putting his coat on.

"Yeah?" His word rushed out of his mouth as he was dropping the thick material of his coat to his shoulders. Hiding his surprise that Diana called him by his first name even though he's not hovering over her panting body.

He is _Solo_ when they're around other people and when she's angry and _Ben_ when they're alone. But one time, when his tongue was ravishing her pussy to the point that she forgot her own name, Diana called him _**Dr. Solo.**_ They way it rolled off her tongue, Ben actually thought that he was going to pass out.

"I'm sorry if I'm acting like this when I was the one who asked you to stay. That good wine got the best of me." She anxiously stretched her fingers. Not realizing that her explanation can be seen as a drunken confession of the truth.

The memories Diana has from sharing a bed with someone after sex didn't end up accordingly. If there's a chart for visual presentation to show the descent of her relationships (official or not)— it's at the point when when she starts waking up next to that person, having a toothbrush at his place vice versa and planning what's going to be their dinner for that night.

There's a pattern with the things Diana abhors. Signs of domesticity.

But for the record, the image of him fresh from the bed is VERY FAR from being bad. For a hot minute it felt like her room became a page of some editorial magazine when Ben was getting dressed. Her bad memories and overthinking just prevented her from enjoying the view.

"I know that." He calmly reminded her. If a small thing from him like a pen sent alarms to Diana, her concerns about their steamy rendesvouz must be astronomical at this point. "Are you still comfortable about," _Don't say us_. "This?" He waved his hand. Ben needed to make sure.

That is not what she was trying to articulate. "I mean I am if you still are." She briskly answered.

"Then so am I." The lines on the side of his eyes appeared, giving Diana a comforting and charming smile. "No sleepovers again."

_No sleepovers again_. Diana took a deep breath to shake off her nerves. "I'll see you at the hospital?" She slightly stood on the balls of her feet before shifting her weight to her heels again.

"I have to go back to my place but yeah. I'll race you there." Ben gave her a sly grin.

"I'm very sure that the train and my feet would beat your Porsche by a mile Ben. Watch out." Diana sarcastically pysched him out. "But seriously, please don't make your car fly."

"I'll try my best. You're not by my side anymore to pinch me so I'll make the most out of it." It wouldn't be a legitimate Ben–Diana exchange without him saying something that would trigger her snappy attitude.

"Solo I'm not ki—"

" _Kidding_. I'm kidding." By just pulling his surname, Ben knows that Diana is dead serious. But he couldn't help it. He just needed to see the blood rushing up to her cheeks and he'll be set for the day.

"Drive safely. I'll see you later." The lock unlatched, swinging the door open.

"I'll see you later." Ben stepped out of her apartment. "Take care."

On the way back to his place, Ben miracuolously maintained a 55 mph speed.

And it was a tie. As Ben was pulling over in the parking space, Diana was walking up to the main doors of the hospital. Having the elevator all by themselves again after the elevator had stopped at the 3rd floor.

* * *

Two weeks easily zipped past before their eyes without them breaking another rule, which was the opposite of Diana's prediction. _You're just reading into it too much._

Seems like old habits die really hard because it didn't take a while before Diana got tugged by her wrist and got ordered by Ben to pull her pants down, which she gladly obliged by the way.

The last patient for morning rounds for today is on the middle of a heated call when they entered his room.

Kanata clasped her hands together behind her back, intentionally standing near the edge of the bed to enter the eyeview of the patient.

"Put Wayne on the line!" The patient voiced out his agitation very clearly at the other line. "Well I need another associate to fly out here to grab this deal since I'm stuck in a hospital here in Seattle... The doctors told me I need to get surgery."

The patient is deliberately not looking up. "Damn it. Wayne how hard is it—" His eyes sleuthily sweeped the room. Abruptly ending the call when his gaze fixed on Diana. "Ana?"

She was on the middle of sinking her teeth on the crisp flesh of her half-eaten apple when she heard the name. It made perfect sense when she got a good look of the patient.

What a joke. What a cosmic joke.

She awkwardly pulled the fruit away from her mouth. "Andy?" 

" _Ana_?" Poe gave her a confused glance. The rest of the group is as puzzled as Poe is.

"Ana!" The patient repeated the name with so much enthusiasm, spreading his arms wide. The IV stretched from the action. "My god. So this is where you've been hiding?"

Her cheeks blushed. Embarassed that she is the only doctor who's being acknowledged when their resident is only a few meters away from the patient.

Diana cautiously gave Kanata a look. A request to come close with the patient. The resident didn't have any other choice but to agree. Knowing right away what kind of patient "Andy" is. A stubborn one. The one who thinks that a surgery is not necessary because they have other important things to do.

She took small steps towards him. Her heartbeat racing as she slowly see more details of his face. Sculpted face, thick, groomed eyebrows, a $200 haircut and that stupid, deceiving smile she's very familiar with.

She bent down to receive the hug. Clutching her fruit that would soon be bruised. "Wow. Why does it feel like leaving New York made you hotter?"

The interns and resident uncomfortably shifted. It feels like the conversation is not for them to hear.

"Oh." Diana let out the most high pitched giggle she could do. Closing her eyes for a quick second to scold herself. _What was that laugh?_ "Umm, we're here for a morning briefing. This is our resident surgeon, Dr. Maz Kanata and she'll just say a few words."

Andy didn't even pay attention on what she just said. "Are you like a doctor now? I feel so under-dressed." He tapped his hospital gown. "They tore away my Armani when I got rushed here." 

"Yeah. I'm an intern."

"Sooooo," His hands slowly snaked of her wrist. Like the way Ben holds it when they're getting started on things. But it doesn't feel like him. Ben's hold is soft yet firm, protective yet gentle. "You're not a real doctor?" He continued, his calloused palm prickling her skin.

That's the heaviest insult the doctors who are still in the internship program could ever receive. "No. We actually carry the title at the end of our name. We'll get started, okay?" She smiled, already used to to his blunt personality. His confining grasp prevented her from going back to her former position.

"Dr. Solo. You're up." The resident lifted the grey binder that contains the medical information of Diana's friend.

Ben walked forward, his sulkiness and enigma oozing from him. "Andrew De Rossi, 26. Admitted last night because of car crash for a few stitches. His EKG shower some asymptotic atrial fibrillation but his pulse ox dropped to 82 over 48. So Mr. Rossi is in a for pulmonary embeloctomy with Dr. Pryde at 2 pm."

"It's always me who says some complicated words when I'm in a room full of people. Look at how the tables have turned." Andy grinned, trying to make the doctors ease up.

Diana's face contorted with concern. There's nothing to be happy about the things Ben just said. 

"Mr. De Rossi do you need to know more about your surgery?" Kanata followed up.

"Yeah, they already told me. But it wouldn't be a trouble if Ana walk me through again, right?" He's being difficult. But it's a patient's wish and they have to comply to the protocol.

"Dr. Montgomery, the floor is yours." Kanata prompted.

Andy excitedly turned his body towards her. As if preparing for a show.

"Your blood clotted because of the accident and maybe due to stress so it blocked your artery. That's why you couldn't breathe. Dr. Pryde is going remove the clot so it wouldn't get more severe." Diana didn't look at him while she was explaining. Afraid she'll stumble upon her words. Looking incompetent at her high school crush is the last thing she needs.

"Isn't she something?" Andy is impressed. Still not taking his surgery seriously. "This girl saved my ass in high school. A genius." 

———

"Can we call you Ana?" Armie inquired. Once again vacating their usual spot at the abandoned hallway while Rose and Armie swarmed Diana with questions about her old friend, now a Manhattan lawyer. 

"Please do not call me Ana. It's my childhood name that no one uses anymore." Diana protested. Finishing up her paperwork using the pen Ben "found" laying around in his home. It's so much better than the 24 pack of pens she's buying at Target.

Just across her, Ben silently watched Diana's hand glide the pen on the paper. Enjoying the feeling of how she fastly became accustomed on using the thing he bought for her.

"Why does he exactly looks like one of those hotshot lawyers I see in movies?" Armie mumbled.

"Exactly what I was thinking." Rose agreed in mirth. "A cigar and an expensive briefcase and the look is complete."

"Seriously, how did that guy stumbled here on the other side of the country?" Diana asked out loud. Her question is completely irrelevant to the subject of the couple.

"Let me guess, high school crush?" Rose teased, wiggling her arm to Diana to jest her.

"We all had one." She hummed. The rush of adrenaline that she felt inside the room was just embarassing. She got unexpectedly transported to her teenage years, immediately followed by recalling her memories of her life in Manhattan that she turned her turned away from.

"It's okay." Rose consoled. She thinks it's adorable that they got to see Diana acting so out of place in front of a man. It's like experiencing a rare occurrence. "Did you guys go out?"

"No." She uttered right away. "I was his chemistry and Italian tutor." _And history... And English... And Math... And—_

Sounds of footsteps echoed from the distance. Poe's humming became louder and louder as he made the turn to reach their hallway.

They saw a bundled carnation perfectly arranged in a tall clear vase cradling on Poe's arms. The red, pink and white flowers with long stems created a pleasing visual. 

"Admirer?" Rose intriguingly asked. The flowers made the hallway livelier, basking the hidden part of the medical institution with more color.

"Not for me." Poe put down the vase beside Ben. "It's for Miss **_Ana_** right there." The tip of his finger pointed at Diana, mimicking Andy's voice of surprise from earlier.

"Me?" She jumped from the stretcher. Her eyebrows are knitted, reading the card from clipped from the metal stick.

Ben suddenly became so engrossed with his journal after seeing the flowers. His eyes seemed to be stuck at one word sribbled in his page. They are not moving. Just staring. _Intently_.

"A, Your favorite. From A." Diana read out loud. Her cheeks felt hot in an instant. She weakly shook her head. "He's the patient, he's supposed to be the one receiving flowers." 

"The man couldn't even be bothered that he'll have a surgery later. I doubt that he considers himself one." Armie explained. Thinking maybe that he should give Rose some flowers again soon. Maybe those boxed eternity flowers from New York.

"Now I have to go say thanks. I'll see you guys later."

  
"Hey." Diana knocked Andy's opened door to catch his attention who's currently stabbing his smartphone with his thumbs. His mind far away from Seattle. Approximately 3,000 miles away.

"Hey, you." He sported his Hollywoodesque smile. Too bright.

"I'm just going to check your signs. To see if you're still good for surgery." She said, creating the perfect excuse to enter his room.

"Sure. Go ahead." He moved to the side, not stopping to attack his phone with so much ferocity. His latest Iphone emitting a super fast and aggressive keyboard sounds, contrasting the calm beep of his heart monitor.

Though it's not necessary to pull out his charts, Diana made an effort to read it.

"You haven't changed. I mean, not even one bit." He concluded.

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

"A good thing." He doesn't even care if it's too obvious that he's flirting. "It's your serious, homework-doing face. I miss that." Andy playfully leered.

"I'd like to thank you for the flowers." She closed the binder, smiling tightly.

"I'm glad you liked it." He took a slight pause. "Ana, I know you're really busy but. . ." Andy's head dipped down, like he's mustering his strength to say something that's a matter of life and death. "Any chance you could help me this stuff?"

His head cocked to his table to show the tons of clipboards neatly lined up. Patient forms waiting to be filled out.

"Uhhh," She staggered. "Patients are supposed to fill up the forms Andy."

"I know." He animatedly pouted his lips. "But I'm on the brink of losing the Donelly case with the other firm. That's the only reason I flew all the way here on East Coast. So can you be a sweetheart and do it for me?"

"I'm still on-call." Diana was starting to feel uncomfortable.

"Ehh," Andy grimaced. "You said you're still interning right? I thought it wouldn't be a bother since you're still not a " _doctor_ " doctor."

It dawned on Diana. Just like those corny notes he used to make back in high school when she was the one who practically did all of his essays he got recognized at, the flowers are a bribe. A very, very small token of appreciation in exchange for a mountain worth of massive favors.

Boys like Andy, they know what their capabilities are. They know how the sheer power that they have to make people dance around their fingers by just a smile, by a touch in the arm or a note that won't even take a minute to write. Easily discarding the person to the side to get their reward after making all the work for him, without even a bat of an eye from their direction.

She's a doctor (double as a matter of fact) now but by just seeing someone from her old life sauntering in her new life, it's very disconcerting. Like she's forced to be back again on that sad part of her life.

And it's funny how Andy's perception on who she is now after almost a decade is still that same girl who scurries to do his academic work with him not even asking for it anymore. She became his own, unpaid secretary with failed expectations. Not gaining anything in return other than a crumpled thank you note that he couldn't even say to her in person.

"Ha." She bitterly chuckled. Diana placed her hands on her hips, shaking her head in utter disbelief. "Sorry. I just checked if you're still good to go at surgery. It's nice seeing you again Andy."

———

Diana felt like the flowers she was holding would wither by the time she reached the train station because of the heavy, negative energy she's carrying. And by the time she reach her apartment, she's sure that it would already be dried and crusty.

A hand placed in her shoulder made her flinch. Ready to throw the vase at some stranger creeping behind her in the sidewalk. 

"You weren't hearing me? I've been calling out your name." Ben asked. His eyebrows are furrowed, he's looking at Diana skeptically. 

She must have tuned it out. "I didn't hear, sorry." 

"You didn't wait for me?" He asked her again another question. His voice has a hint of despondency. But because of the sound of engine of vehicles passing by at the street. Diana didn't have the chance to hear it clearly.

She slightly held up the vase when she felt at the glass is sliding. "You had an overtime surgery." 

Ben took a step forward, clutching the vase away from her. Now he knows why Diana didn't hear him, she just looks so defeated. She's out of it. "I parked my car there. Let's go." 

"Okay." She feebly nodded. 

Ben smoothly placed himself outside the sidewalk for him to be the closest one in the street as they walked back to his car.

"Carnation is not even my favorite." She studied the pastel colors of the flowers. "I don't know where he got that. He clearly mistaken me for someone else."

"What's your favorite then?" The spicy floral scent of the carnation wafted inside the car. The original sandalwood undertone of his Porsche got lost in the bright fragrance of the flowers.

"I don't have a specific preference. I like them all." It's too dramatic for her to dispose it after realizing that it's a bribe. Besides, it would look good on her kitchen. "I bet you were the prom king of your class." Diana uttered. Leaning her head on the window.

"Really?" He asked in amusement. "You think that?" 

"Sure. You have a pretty face and a pretty hair. That's a fast pass to the _crown_." She scoffed the last word.

"Then you must be the prom queen of your class because you have a pretty face and pretty hair as well."

Blood rushed up to her cheeks. "Funny." She deadpanned.

Ben easily countered. "Not a joke." The signal clicked, indicating that he is about to make a turn.

"Okay, Ben. That's enough." She let out a frustrated sigh. "It sounds stupid coming from a 26 year old because it's really not a big deal now. But I never went to prom."

Ben gave her a swift glance before looking at the road again. "Can I know why?"

"It pathetic. But it was because nobody asked me."

"I was under the impression that you and... _Anderson_ went together." He was the one who did the briefing on the patient this morning. He even assisted on his surgery. So the odds of him truly forgetting the name is very little.

"Close. It's Andy." She corrected. "And no. All those late nights tutoring him, ugh, it didn't even occur to him to ask me."

"To oppose your statement earlier, I had short hair in high school." Ben started to reminisce. "And some kids teased me because of my ears. No one had a good time in high school. It's like a bad fever dream."

Diana saw it peeking before. "Well I personally think that your ears are cute."

Ben grinned before tipping his head in appreciation. It's good that he's driving. It distracted him from thinking too much on what he's about to say. "And I would've been honored to take a girl like you to prom."

Diana hid her lips inside her mouth to prevent herself from letting out a pitchy giggle again. Beyond flattered on Ben's words. "That's very nice to say."

"I almost forgot something." His shoulders tensed. Looking at the rearview mirror before pulling over to the side of the road. "Let me take this and look at the back seat." He took away the flowers from her hands.

"Alright. Don't tell me it's another hundred dollar pen because I won't accept it this time." She shifted her eyes to the side, looking unsure on what she's about to see. 

"No. Just look." He just smiled. 

Diana turned her twisted her torso to look behind her. A genuine chuckle of surprise came out from her nose. "No way."

"You don't have to complain about neck pain anymore." Ben proudly declared. Satisfied with her reaction.

The dark blue travel pillow perfectly ruined the "single man" aesthetic of Ben's car. It's a luxury car intended to impress girls; _fashion over function_. But for him, he couldn't care less about destroying the fantasy his car is radiating.

Plus, it reminded him the color of Diana's underwear when they first did it. 

"Are you tired of me fidgeting and shifting around every ten seconds?" She bantered, putting the crook of the pillow around her neck. Diana's body language on seeing the pillow is ten times more sharp and more excited when she saw the flowers. 

Diana is just being polite to let him know about how stiff and uncomfortable the headrest of his passenger seat is because she's grateful that Ben is always giving her a ride home. But he actually heard complaints about how uncomfortable his passenger seat before from different girls. Ben heard them, he just didn't care.

It's a bachelor's car in the first place, it's meant to be enjoyed only by him. That was before until a voice of one girl pushed him to do something about it right away. And she's not even aware of it.

"Oh yeah, very." Ben sarcastically replied. "You can stop dreaming about the train now while you're in my car." 

"I can't promise that." Diana was having a bad day. So the simple travel pillow that she didn't even ask made her heart swell. She leaned in be closer to him, placing a sweet kiss on his cheek. "Thank you Ben. This is amazing."

His arms enveloped the back of her shoulders, but the flowers restricted his action to deepen the hug. Now it's his time to swallow his flattery. Diana needed a good hug today.

"Anytime."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is my 20th chapter 😭😭 im really really happy that youre finding the story enjoyable. thank you so much!! ❤️❤️
> 
> the andy character will never be seen again. i just need someone from diana's past to bug her (and build up)
> 
> pls pls dont hesitate to leave comments, questions, etc!


	21. Famous Last Words

**Chapter Twenty-One: Famous Last Words**

"Dr. Montgomery, get me a suction here please. Our patient is quite a bleeder." Holdo kindly inquired for the intern.

  
  
Diana gladly obliged, the narrow sides of the transparent tube-like instrument was quickly smeared with blood. With already surgical loops placed on the doctors' eyes, the two are peeking at the dual microscope place above the skull of their patient to give them a magnified view of the patient's brain.

  
  
The MRI Diana conducted to the patient with poor prognosis earlier showed a malignant tumor in the temporal part of the brain. An imminent craniotomy is needed to resect the tumor.

  
  
"Okay we're in the dura." Holdo announced to the people inside the ER after exposing the temporal bone and elevating the flap. "Can you please tell me what's the next step Dr. Montgomery?" Holdo continued to quiz Diana.

  
  
Her eyes didn't leave the view of the surgical miscroscope as she put irrigation to the surface, giving the older surgeon a cleaner view to work on. "Gently awakening of the patient, doctor. We need to locate the precise location of the inferior and temporal gyrus to create the incision."

  
  
"Good. Slowly reduce his Propofol Dr. Mitaka." The attending ordered the anesthisiologist. "Dr. Montogomery, please tell me the relevance of that action on this procedure."

  
  
Amilyn Holdo's type of teaching is vastly the opposite with Enric Pryde's. With Holdo, it's straight-forward and far from being intimidating, allowing the interns around the ER to be less flinchy and more relaxed. The aura of the attending gives when Diana is assisting her in scrub-ins brings out the best of her. It pushes Diana to love neurosurgery more.

  
  
"The Ojemann Stimulation will be utilized to make sure that her speech function will be the same Dr. Holdo, since that's where the tumor is located." Diana stated her answer in a breeze. She knew what is going on, she prepared for this.

  
  
A scrub nurse started to softly talk to the conscious patient as the surgeon went deeper to her brain. A simple exercise is conducted to make sure that the tumor are not invading more of her language lobe. She started to ask the patient to say her name, count one to five and name objects in the flashbacks they have for at least three times.

  
  
The surgery was going well until the patient started to talk incoherently, words becoming unintelligible. Her eyes rolled back, the BP monitor starting erratically dropping.

  
  
"Pressure 85 asystolic." Diana reminded the attending surgeon who's still has her perfect composure. "Open her IV." She ordered the scrub nurse standing near the fluids.

  
  
"I'm in the middle of her brain now. I can't pull back, I already snipped the tumor. It'll spread if I stop what I'm doing." Holdo stated, indirectly urging Diana to put her assistance into good use.

  
  
"Push 10 mg of Mannitol." Diana ordered behind her surgical mask.

  
  
The patient's words are still muddled. The scrub nurse is looking for the intern for the next instruction.

  
  
_That's the final dose of Mannitol to give_. "Okay. 5 cc of hypertonic saline, please."

  
  
The heart beat of the patient stabilized. "Try the flashcards again." Diana followed up to ensure that the coast is clear.

  
  
The patient uttered her words clearly and perfectly.

  
  
Dr. Holdo's eyes left the surgical site for a minute to spare her intern a glance. "The tumor is out. Diana, close up the surgical site for me."

  
  
Diana curtly nodded as Holdo gave the main spot for her to stand on. She placed a cotton ball soaked with hydrogen peroxide in the cavity of tumor for a minute.

  
  
"Tell me what's the purpose of that action Dr. Montgomery."

  
  
"The hydrogen peroxide is submerge to the cavity for a minute or so to deliver oxygen on the resection site for additional destruction of neoplastic cells, to minimize post-op complications."

  
  
Holdo quickly learned that Diana is one of the few interns that doesn't just memorize or cram the steps of the surgery to survive inside the OR even when the chance of getting to hold a scalpel is small. She learns the importance and reasons of each steps.

  
  
They're still interns, they are supposed to watch and learn from the veterans, but because Diana once again proved to Holdo that she's willing to learn, she deserved to do the finishing procedures.

  
  
"I know this is the most personal thing you could ask in an intern, but it looks like you're really leaning into neurosugery." Holdo voiced out her theory about the intern.

  
  
A small smile formed on her lips. If a person wanted to know the doctor right away, asking their specialty is the best question to ask. "It's becoming my favorite so far Dr. Holdo." She opened up.

  
  
Though cardiothoracics is fun, the always intense environment (as well as attending surgeon) sets Diana off, throwing off her concentration. It's not for her.  
  
But that doesn't mean that neurosurgery isn't always peaceful and calm. There are moments that it is as hectic as cardiothoracics. The difference that separates the two specialties is that Diana knows exactly what to do right away. The challenge motivates her to he better every time she leaves out of the room.

  
  
"Well keep it your favorite until your residency program ends. I'd like to have another doctor here in Seattle Grace who's too invested in neurosurgery as much as I am."

  
\--

  
"Hi. Can I get the med chart of Eleonor Pascal? Her post-op will start." Diana happily tapped her palms on the circulation desk while she wait for the patient's binder, treating her surrounding like it's all sunshine and grass. "Hello, Dr. Solo." She greeted the doctor who was leaning forward on the counter beside her.

  
  
Ben gave her co-intern a very suspicious glance. "Why are you being like that?" By now, Ben knows that her chirpy attitude is very out of character at 10 in the morning.

  
  
"Being what?" Diana gave him a bright smile. "Is it wrong that I'm just happy to see you?"

  
  
The skeptic look of his face dropped. It became unreadable, as if her words impaled him with no warning and he didn't have time to let the swift action sink in to his mind. "What did you just say?"

  
  
"Okay, Dr. Ben " _Byronic_ " Solo calm down." Diana shrugged. Kind of disappointed that he didn't take the joke well. "Holdo gave me a gold star at surgery today. She said that she couldn't wait for me to join her in neurosurgery."

  
  
"Cardio not good enough for you? We still have years to decide our specialty." Ben raised his brow, harmlessly pulling her leg.

  
  
"But that's not where my _heart_ it is." She snorted, lightly swatting his chest in full glee. "Get it?"

  
  
"Woah," Ben is secretly adoring her chaotic energy. "You're on fire today."

  
  
"Right?" Diana started to feel the muscles of her mouth hurt from too much smiling. "And besides, you made it very clear that cardio is your game field. So mine is neuro."

  
  
"Heart and mind." Ben contemplated. Two main organs of that are always in contradiction at each other emotionally, but cannot function without the help of one another physically.

  
  
She silently agreed on their tandem. "Poetic." Specialty reflects the doctor.

  
  
"Ben, hi." Bazine Netal's voice fried, inserting herself into the conversation. "I heard your mother is in town."

  
  
The two broke their eye contact. Diana plucked her pen from the front pocket of her coat and started to report the post-op, acting that she's too busy to eavesdrop at the dawn of their conversation.

  
  
"Dr. Netal." He acknowledged. His eased and laid-back posture became stiffly formal, he's using his professional stance. "Yes. She's going to be here for a while."

  
  
"Your mom and my father go way back." Bazine raised her chin proudly, feeling the need to remind him and the whole area. "Is there a day that she's free? I'd like to personally meet her. And you of course."

  
  
Diana pursed her lips, blinking in surprise at how straightforward Bazine is on what she wants. _No appetizer, straight away to main course._

  
  
Ben forced a chuckle. "She has pre-dated plans right now. But I'll let you know when she's free."

  
  
"Well," Her voice literally purred. Diana could feel Bazine' eyelashes batting at Ben. "Do you have pre-dated plans yourself?"

  
  
"Sadly, yes." But his delivery are absent of the emotion he just said.

  
  
But the doctor's hope didn't fizzle. "Give me a call when something came up then. I'll see you around Ben."

  
  
"See you around."

  
  
Diana made sure that the long-legged doctor is out of earshot before speaking. "You literally just said to her to get in line." She joked, stopping her act of writing in a blink of an eye.

  
  
"No, I didn't. It's true that we have plans this Saturday." Ben mumbled. His shoulders relaxed as he faced Diana again.

  
  
"Yeah, Poe has been planning that karaoke night for days now." It didn't even take Poe that long to convince all of them to clear their Saturday night this week. They were locked in the moment he said "booze".

  
  
"Did you have a follow-up date with the mysterious lady?" Diana curiously inquired.

  
  
"What are you talking about?"

  
  
"Your mysterious date." Diana led him on, but Ben's face is still clueless. "The night when we ran in the rain like fools."

That he completely remembers.

  
  
"No." He deliriously answered, like his answer is the most obvious thing in the planet. He took a pause. "Why? Want to go out on a date with me? Dinner by the candlelight, romantic things like that?" Ben mischievously suggested.

  
  
Diana shut down. Recreating the face Ben Solo made when she jokingly said that she's feeling giddy because she's happy to see him. "What?"

  
  
When he saw Diana's color got flushed out off her face, Ben quickly followed it up. His eyes flickered, "Got you there good."

  
  
"Oh for the love of god. Ben," She staggered, clutching aggressively his coat. "It's not fucking funny."

  
  
Now she know what he felt when she said her own version of that kind of joke earlier.

  
  


* * *

  
  
The six doctors never really had a complete night out before, they always go out on the weekends in subgroup for no particular reason. It's been a while since most of them had a fun, karaoke night. So with the pent up energy and excitement, things could easily escalate.

  
  
Like of all things, it started tame. The songs reserved in the television mounted at their private karaoke room are sporadic. They just wanted to hang out, talk about things others than surgeries and medical-related subjects.

  
  
They started with the harmless, fun-colored cocktail drinks that are mixed with sweet juice to water down the alcohol. It came out of nowhere, but Diana was pretty sure that Poe was the one who ordered the first round of tequila shots.

  
  
They suddenly became those undergrad college students on a Saturday night at some frat house who are doing tequila shots like their drinking water.

  
  
"I don't even feel drunk." Diana was obviously making an effort not to sound like she is, clutching Ben's sleeve to sit herself upright at the black upholstery curved-chair. "Do you feel drunk?" She had to raise her voice because Finn's own rendition of Viva La Vida is loudly playing at the background.

  
  
"No." Ben answered clearly. His height gave him the advantage to not feel the alcohol reach his brain quickly. And out of the six of them, Ben is the only one who's taking it easy.

  
  
"Good, because me too." She felt her tongue losing moisture. "This couch is so soft." Her accidental moan made sound so sexual than she intended to. She reached his hand and guideed it to the soft fabric of the furniture. "Here, feel it."

  
  
The dark ambiance of the room and the buzz of the three shots of tequila she downed were enough to make Diana touchy towards Ben. His number for tonight didn't even help to stop herself, he's wearing one of those loose-fitted dress shirt tonight with the top part unbuttoned to make his look relaxed and casual.

  
  
If the three glasses of red wine made her secretly wet underneath her dress, three shots of tequila is making her apologetically horny. And all of their friends are tipsy enough to not notice the "eye-fucking" the two are giving at each other.

  
  
Turns out hardworking surgical interns of Alderaan Grace, specifically Maz Kanata's babies, are hardcore karaoke singers and dance-y when drunk. Poe and Armie had an intense dance off while Rose belts Toxic. With Poe's perfect hip-swaying technique and Armie's aggressive air-punching steps would send someone out, it was a hard decision on who was the winner.

  
  
When Diana started singing Mr. Brightside at the mic with off-tuned voice after her 6th shot, Ben thought it would be best to make it her closing song before she can make friends with the floor.  
  
\---

  
  
Diana felt the ache of her bones even before she open her eye. _Okay, what happened last night_. Diana thought to herself. Her arms pinned to her sides of her head, as she tried to remember the events. Karaoke. Drinks. Too much drinks. Dancing. 

  
  
The mantra insulting echoed inside her head. _Fun tonight. Regret later_. When she took a full sweep of the room, she immediately shot up without any preparations (which is a very, very bad idea). Her head-splitting headache sent her plopping back to the California king-size bed. It's not hers, a bed like that will entirely swallow her tiny room.

  
  
"Take the ibuprofen at the bedside table." Ben's voice made her jump. "And empty that glass of water. I'm sure you're dehydrated."

  
  
"I should've known better." Diana groaned, holding her head as she popped the medicine.

  
  
Ben chuckled, continuing to work in his laptop while he lounge on the beige couch beside the bed near the balcony. "I had to take you to my place because I had a feeling that you're going to choke yourself on your own vomit. Six shots of tequila do that to most people."

  
  
"Six? God, what was I thinking? I promised to myself that I was just going to have some of those cute cocktails." The heels of her palm gently pushed the tender and swollen part of her eyes.

  
  
That's when Diana realized that she's wearing a different set of clothes. Her off-shoulder green top is now replaced by black Harvard crew neck shirt and her jeans are now replaced by a Tommy Hilfiger boxer shorts. The ones with the small sailboat prints.

  
  
"I had to change your clothes. Finn thought it was an awesome idea to spray all of us with that complimentary champagne they gave." Ben folded the laptop off, quickly explaining her change of wardrobe. "I hope you don't mind."

  
  
Ben never really understand the thing with men loving to see someone wearing their shirt, but when he saw Diana's arms and legs stretched out on his own bed, with the printed little sailboats perfectly sitting on the curve of her ass. Ben finally got it... It's sexy.

  
  
"I don't mind. I'm just embarrassed that you babysat me through the night." She pulled the soft heavy blankets wrapped around her legs. "I'm never drinking again." An obvious empty promise.

  
  
"It's nothing. I need to say this so you won't overthink but I slept here on the couch last night. The last time we slept on the same bed together you were kicking me legs." He joshed.

  
  
Diana lightly laughed. "Thank you, I mean it. I owe you a lot on this one." She played with the garter hem of his crew-neck shirt. "I feel like a traitor wearing a Harvard clothing to be honest. My Stanford colleagues are going to disown me."

  
  
He stood up, sitting at the edge of the bed to get close to her. He playfully tilted his head to the side. "It's okay, you can take the top off. You've been wanting to take it off ever since we got here." He smirked

  
  
"You wish." Diana grabbed the closest pillow her hand could touch and weakly threw it to him, cringing at her drunken recollections. "Let my mind do its job to force me to look at my stupid decisions from last night."

  
  
"Nothing that I didn't already see." He said between his uncontrolled laughs. He tapped her legs before standing up, "I'll have a banana shake send out for you. Plus a bath."

  
  
Ben swiftly disappeared to make a call to the conceirge. "You don't have to do that. I'll just wash my face and I'm out." Diana yelled.

  
  
"You don't have a choice. And you need it." Ben came into sight again. "The concierge said that your clothes will be here in an hour. I'll run a bath after you finished drinking it. I'll put a new toothbrush there...." _And something_  
  
  


Diana felt a so much better after her mouth didn't taste like alcohol and acid anymore. The cold bath made her nerves awake and attentive.

  
  
As it turns out, the things Benjamin Organa-Solo says and promises in the heat of their sex is true. So when he told Diana that he'll buy her a set of sumptuous underwear, he really did exactly what he said. Because sitting below the bathrobe is a red Seraphina lace designed with luxurious satin underwired cups. A floral lace embroidered tulle overlay that reaches the lower part of her rib cage lends a dainty finish. The panties that are partnered up with has scalloped edges and a delicate eyelash trimming. Diana looked like she's a fucking _pornstar_.

  
  
"So you just have Agent Provocateur lying around in your closet?" Diana padded out of the bathroom, towel securely wrapped around her body.

  
  
"I'm going to use my fifth amendment on that one." The vibrant red straps on her shoulder made him grin as he leisurely rest his back on the headboard of his bed. In fact, there are at least three pink boxes of the expensive lingerie brand tucked on the vacant drawer below where he keeps his ties. "Come closer, I picked it out for you so I can see it."

  
  
The lace made Diana act up, that's the thing with red underwear. So instead of just coming closer to Ben, she dropped the towel. "How about now?" Diana raised her brow, making his money worth.

  
  
Ben felt like he's the luckiest man in Seattle right now, in fact, in the whole world. "Perfect." He crooned, holding her waist. "Straddle my lap. We have some talking to do."

  
  
Diana deliciously gasp when the sheer lace hit his hard erection. "Am I in trouble Dr. Solo?"

  
  
_She's talking back_. "So much trouble Dr. Montgomery." Ben whispered, giving her neck a light, trailing kisses. She smells like him because of the body wash that she used.

  
  
"What did I do?" She exhaled, holding on to his shoulders.

  
  
Ben started to move her hips forward, making her grind. "You kept palming my cock last night. Did you know that?"

  
  
"No." Diana bit her lip. The feeling of the fabric and the girthy line of his cock rubbing against her folds made her shiver.

  
  
His lips reached her neck, ending his adventure by giving Diana a deep, slow kiss on her lips. Her mouth smells like peppermint toothpaste. Ben didn't know how to explain but that felt so domestic.

  
  
Everything Diana has at the moment all came from Ben Solo. The smell of her body, the smell of her lips and the number she's wearing. And he couldn't ask for more. If only every day is like this.

  
  
He wrapped his arms around her waist, Diana is still moving as her breath started to become heavier against his lips. Savoring the feeling of his cock from another position.

  
  
"Diana," he groaned, interrupting their heated make out session to pull down his sweatpants. "You're going to make me cum on my pants. That's embarrassing when a hot doctor who's currently grinding me saw that."

  
  
"I need it." Diana feverishly said, pulling her panties to the side. "I need it so bad Ben."

  
  
"Go on then, ride my dick." Ben held the base of his shaft, his chest heaving in anticipation. He _needed_ her too.

  
  
She carefully lined him up on her entrance. Diana slowly lowered herself to him, taking her time because she can't take him all at once at the kind of angle that they have. But Ben is not having any of it, he reached up and grabbed her by the shoulders and roughly pulled Diana down, completely burying himself.

  
  
" _Ben!_ " Diana almost screamed at how full she felt. Ben is so deep inside of her. "I—I can't. It's too much."

  
  
"Of course you can." His fingers guided her hips forward and backward. His sympathetic voice sounded so comforting and sexually aroused at the same time. "You can take it. You took it plenty times now."

  
  
It didn't take for Diana to get the hang of it. She started to thrust her hips. Riding Ben's cock is pure, utter bliss. The apparent six shot of alcohol that she took had no match with what she's feeling right now.

  
  
Ben has his forearm at the back of his head, proudly appreciating his view in front of him; a yet again, drunk in cock, flushed-faced, moaning mess Diana Montgomery straddling him on his own bed like her life depends on it.

  
  
"Don't stop yourself from screaming." Ben urged her in deep, quick breaths. The way her cunt completely swallows him drives him crazy. "No one will hear us here, baby. We're at the top."

  
  
"Oh, Ben." The straps of her bra fell to the shoulders due to the intensity of her bounces, letting herself go because Ben told her so.

  
  
The few hours of her being sober was fun. But this, being intoxicated because Ben; his hair, his neck, his lips. All of him is so much better. Even for just a few hours.

  
  
"Fuck," Ben cursed under his breath. He can feel her pussy tightly gripping his dick. "Do you like what I brought you?" He urgently asked Diana.

  
  
"Oh, yes. I love it." Her palms pressed his heaving chest to steady herself. Still clothed. "Thank you _baby_."

  
  
" _God_." He let out a feral, throaty growl when he heard the term of endearment. "Do you like my riding my cock?" He asked again, his hand finding its way to her neck to firm hold it.

  
  
"Yes!" Diana cried out, flipping her hair to the side. "I like it so much."

  
  
He pulled her close to his chest, it's his turn to pound her _hard_. "Do you _like_ me?" Ben hotly growled into her ear. A shot in the dark.

  
  
But because Diana's pupils are blown out and her soul is almost ascending at the velvety sensation she's feeling, and maybe because there's still alcohol inside her system, the question didn't bother her that much. "I like you Ben." Her proclamation is tattered because of the unforgiving thrusts he's giving her.

  
  
He urgently held the nape of neck to pull her to a rousing kiss. Almost a passionate one coming from the both of them. Passionately intense. "Hold on to me Diana."

  
  
But before they can do anything, Ben's phone menacingly vibrated against his mahogany bedside drawer. It made Diana froze, acting like they are caught red-handed. She lifted herself, only to be pinned down by Ben.

  
  
He lifted Diana, back plopping on the bed without removing himself inside her. "Oh you're not going anywhere." His eyes guaranteed that he's serious on what he's about to do.

  
  
"Hey, what are you—"

  
  
"Ben Solo speaking." He greeted on the phone while his other hand is mindlessly massaging her breast. Still committed on fucking her.

  
  
Diana closed her eyes, her hands covering her mouth. She can save her mewls for Ben later, she didn't need a third party to hear her begging.

  
  
But Ben Solo is too impatient to hear it again.

  
  
"Armie, yeah. I'm running." Ben devilishly smirked, not leaving her eyes as he continued to snap his hips.

  
  
_Running_. Diana rolled her eyes, wrapping her legs around Ben to stop him from moving. But she didn't stand a chance.

  
  
Raising their stakes, Ben pumped himself deeper. Watching Diana writhe in extreme pleasure because she can't make a sound. "Fuck off Hux I don't do that shit anymore... Yeah, Canto at 12." He managed to control his labored breathing.

  
  
His huge palm left her breast, dragging a line down to her body until it reach her clit. Diana furiously shook her head, mouthing her words "No, don't—"

  
  
"Oh!" A sudden electricity jerked her hips forward. Her whimpering became louder behind her hands.

  
  
Ben looked so satisfied. He's not even paying attention to Armie's interrogation on the other line. Ben knows it turned Diana on when his phone went off because she squeezed herself harder. _What a freaky doctor._

  
  
"Under Organa-Solo. I'm going to be late for a little while. I'll see you there." Ben didn't even hear the end of Armie's interrogation. He quickly ended the call, almost throwing his phone on the mattress. He bent down, putting his arms on both side of her head. "Now, where were we?"

  
  
"I hate you Ben Solo." She grinned, definitely enjoying that small intermission.

  
  
That just fueled Ben more. "You do?" He suggestively cajoled her. The strands of his hair fell to side of his head, following the forward quick and fluid movement of his torso.

  
  
"Uh-huh." Her fingernails sank at the back of his shoulders. Leaving a sharp, crescent-shaped wounds for Ben to admire at later.

  
  
"Go on then," He lifted her up, straddling her again on his lap. "Bounce on the cock of guy you hate the most."

  
  
Diana arched her back, pathetically rocking her hips so hard that it's going to fall off. Her breathing is becoming ragged now, repeating Ben's name to compensate for the short minute when she couldn't say it because he was on the phone.

  
  
She tightly hugged him, face falling to his neck as Ben meet her hips with his own. The intensifying sensation made Diana bit his throat hard. Now she's not the only one who has those purple hickeys to hide.

  
  
That made Ben Solo growl. " _Jesus_ , that's fucking hot."

  
  
Diana let out an obscene, r-rated type of moan when the tip of his dick hit something deep inside her. The holy grail. "There! Oh fu—right there Ben. Please."

  
  
That's his favorite spot. Diana looks like she's going to pass out every time he hits it. Ben likes to watch and listen her engulfed in the intoxicating feeling when he purposely rams that sweet spot over and over again. "That's it. Did that make you feel good baby?"

  
  
"Yes." She panted. Letting out a cry of pleasure when Ben did it again. "Yes. love it so much." Diana is getting closer and closer.

  
  
With her constant clenching, Ben knew that he couldn't hold on for long. "Are you going to cum? Are you going cum for the man you hate?" He lowly asked through his teeth. His hands tightly gripping the curves of her waist.

  
  
"Yes, Ben. I'm really close." She left his neck to look at the ceiling of his room with parted lips.

  
  
With Ben's piercing thrusts and Diana's intense bouncing, it didn't take long for both of them to become sloppy. His dick twitched inside of her the same time she reached her own extreme climax.

  
  
His long, shuddering gruffly gasps mixed with Diana's whimpered scream, filling her completely. Not leaving a single drop of it to go to waste.

  
  
He softly grabbed her thighs to lay her on the bed next to him, slowly pulling himself off. Not long after, Diana started to giggle.

  
  
"What?" Ben looked at her side. Her face is still covered with thin sweat. Her cheeks are still red.

  
  
"You didn't even bother to stop when you were on the phone with Armie." She sighed after her finishing her fit of giggles.

  
  
It's infectious, her laugh. It pushed Ben to mirror her reaction. "Yeah. I had my priorities."

  
  
"Poor Armie. Well seems like you guys have a subject to talk about for your lunch now." Her finger lightly grazed the small teeth mark on his throat.

  
  
And Ben will wear it proudly. "Good because now I don't have to think about what we would talk about later." He jested, moving a piece of her hair away from her face.

  
  
The doorbell of his house rang. _Just in time_ , Ben thought.

  
  
"That's your clothes. Freshly laundered." He stole a quick peck on top of her head before pulling back on his sweatpants.

  
  
Sundays are starting to become one of Diana's favorite days.  
  
  
  



	22. Tasty Five-Course Torment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i still couldnt believe that this story reached 20+ chapters, i already have the ending sorted out but im still just thinking how to maneuver it there. and ill never stop saying thank you for the lovely comments. ❤️❤️seriously, it just makes my day to know that we are all having a good time reading the story. thank you for trusting it, for having the time to read it. ❤️❤️
> 
> diana's mother's personality is inspired by meryl streep's performance of miranda priestly in the devil wears prada.

**Chapter Twenty-Two: Tasty Five-Course Torment**

Usually when Diana had a fresh, crispy curly fries on her hands, she would inhale it for a few minutes while talking to Ben about something that happened today at the hospital. Something exciting, something horrifying and something sad that he didn't get to see. But today, as Ben's shiny black car is parked at the parking lot in Burger King, Diana didn't feel like talking. Or inhaling for that matter. The only piece of curly fry she's been clutching in her fingers for a minute became sad and soggy.

And Ben knows that Diana doesn't like her fries sad and saggy. That's why it looks like she's always on a marathon every time she eats it.

"Don't you want your curly fries?" Ben tried to play with her by reaching a "too" generous amount from her. But instead of slapping the back of his hand or quickly bite the hanging fries off his fingers before he could have the chance to eat them like she always do, her eyes are still staring into nothingness ahead of her. 

"Hey," Ben gently pushed her elbow, her soggy fry poking her lips. "They're getting cold."

"Oh." She quickly blinked, taking a moment to process where she is at the moment. "Right." She muttered before nibbling the fry.

When she didn't suspend it in the air and reach it with her mouth, Ben is 100% sure that something is bugging her. "What's the matter?"

"My mother called." Diana lost her appetite hours ago after she received the phone call before leaving the hospital with him. "I'm not even surprised to hear something from her since Andy was here in Seattle weeks ago." 

Ben heard Diana talk about her mother before. She never made it to a proper aubject of the conversation though, just when Diana sees something that reminds her mother of. But he fully got the idea she's estranged with her mom for so many years now.

"How did it go?" Ben read her gloomy face, carefully testing the waters.

She heaved a long, exasperated sigh. "Formal, dettached pleasantries and whatnot. She's inviting me for dinner this Saturday." Diana put down her abandoned curly fries on her lap and rubbed her temples, wishing that the day would never come. 

"And you don't want to go?" He voiced out her answer inside her mind

"And I don't want to go." She confirmed. "But with her, I don't even have a choice. I'll just close my eyes and get it over with." 

She already told Ben what he needed to know about her relationship with her mother. A very successful litigator who didn't plan on having her, divorced her father in a snap (everything went to her own accord since they had a pre-nup) then married another successful litigator in Manhattan. Yadi-yadi-yada. 

The pie in the face on that whole ordeal is that her mother is now using her second husband's name while Diana is stuck with her mother's maiden name. Her hands are legally, tightly tied to change it and honor her father's name.

Ben took a long look at her, painful dread is painted on her face. "Did you say Saturday?"

She took a sharp inhale, almost on the precipice of spacing out again. "Yup. Dinner at Canto. I'm planning to get drunk before I even set my feet on that restaurant to have an ounce of courage." 

"I don't have anything to do Saturday night. I'll gladly give you company." Ben suggested ever so suavely. "I'm a much chiller companion than alcohol, don't you think?"

"Are you sure Ben?" Her shoulders perked up, only to be deflated after a few seconds. "If you go with me on that dinner she'll asumme that you're my—"

"Which I'm not." He said, interrupting her reason of disagreement to his offer. "We both know what are situation is. If your mother assumes that then," Ben shrugged, leaving the sentence up in the air. Let her assume it.

The offer is a very good idea. But the thought of Ben clearing up his Saturday night just to watch her get passively-agressively flamed by her mother is making her ambivalent. "Are you sure? It won't be a pretty picture."

"Yeah, you told me that before. Only if you're totally comfortable with me being there with you. I just sensed that you're really not looking forward to it."

Diana stared at him, smiling appreciatively. He looked so sincere and non-chalant at the same time. Like it's really not a big deal for him that Diana's mother will get the assumption that he is a boyfriend. "Congrats Dr. Solo, you got the role of the lifetime."

"Alright." He pumped his fist upward, automatically joining her joke. Bring out the Oscar because Ben Solo will play the hell out of that boyfriend role.

"Okay. We're doing this." Diana fixed her travel pillow around her neck, now enlivened. "She's going to berate and interrogate you. It's in her blood. Still on?"

Ben shook his head. "Like you don't used to berate me Diana." He grinned, looking at the very familiar, household offended face across him. "I'm still on board, mothers like me."

"Well my mother doesn't like me." She easily rebutted.

"My mom does." Ben swiftly answered back. Two can play at this game. "I'll pick you up at your apartment, okay? Just tell me the time and I'll be there."

"Okay." She smiled, feeling warm and appreciated. "Thank you for doing this Ben, I owe you again. Might as well open up a tab."

"Anytime."

* * *

When her intercom buzzed, Diana didn't care if she's only wearing the left part of her cream strappy sandal. She zoomed those small six steps from her bedroom to her door, her height going up and down by three inches with every step.

"Hi." An air got caught up on Ben's throat when Diana swung her door open. 

"Hey." She was in obvious state of trepidation and Ben sensed it just when he pulled over below. But when he saw the man standing in front of her, she suddenly forgot what was she's so anxious for.

It felt like her apartment is graced by an Italian royalty. There's a lot to look at and Diana isn't sure where to start. Just a few inches outside her threshold, Ben Solo is sporting an immaculately-tailored [Dior navy blue virgin wool suit](https://www.pinterest.ph/pin/572168327661014804/) that made his already long-legs go on for another week. 

His perfectly pressed two button jacket has notch lapels, slimming darts and a center black vent. He really did not come to play tonight. 

"Come on in." Diana is standing on her left strappy sandal heels, her right foot hovering on the floor and yet she's still a few inches past his shoulders. "Do you, umm, you want anything?" Her words sounded like they have no space between them. She's having a much harder time to breathe now because of him. _Even his scent is tempting._

"Thank you, I'm alright." Ben muttered, still not finished on looking at her. He's also distracted now. Aside from her ankle-strapped heels that she's not done putting on, Diana is wearing a plain teal green halter neck dress that stops below her knee. There's not much intricate detail to it except for the pleated halter on both sides of her bust, but Ben Solo's air in his lungs got knocked out on him the second he saw her. 

He made the right decision to make a rain check on tee time with Chief Calrissian at the country club today. And if he's being honest to himself, dreadful dinner with estranged mother or not, Ben would say yes in a heartbeat if Diana asked her something. He's just pushing that fact at the back of his mind because once he entertained that, all of these will crumble down in a snap.

"You look very handsome Ben. Thank you again for doing this." _Like he always do_. Diana got him first. Hoping that her cheeks and voice didn't snitch her on what she's currently feeling beneath the surface. If someone is face-to-face with him, it's sure that their mind would also get scrambled. In every angle and position to stand, Ben Solo is an attractive and charming man.

"Thank you." He's having a hard time on his side too. "You look very pretty, like you always do."

That did it for Diana. Her blood skyrocketed to her cheeks until it reached her ears. Never in a million years she thought that she'll blush at Ben Solo's words. She used to feel her blood boil due of some ignorant things he used to say, but that's months ago. But lately it's just some after-school, rosy glow blush type of way. 

Like idiots, they just stood there. Maintaining a safe space from one another. Ben is at the kitchen while Diana is at her couch, just finished to put on her heel.

The weirdest thing for Diana is...it's not even sexual tension.

"Okay." Diana broke the ice that they build for just seconds, ordering herself to breathe. 

"As my token of appreciation," She continued, coming closer to him. Two small accessories safely hiding in her palm. "Here. You don't have to wear it for tonight."

Diana tried so hard to find something to show Ben some gratitude. She knows that he already has tons of cufflinks. But that's the best things she could think of out of four days. That [David Yurman deco cufflinks](https://www.davidyurman.com/products/mens/accessories/mens-cufflinks/deco-cufflinks-c0f501-ss.pdp.html) with black onyx came from the money she saved from not taking a public commute back home because of him. It's just right to give back.

"No, no. I'll wear it." He removed his coat. "Help me put it on?" He asked, bending his arm towards his torso.

"I'll be glad to help." Diana removed his existing cufflinks. She opened the lock of the accessory, meticulously inserting it on the first and second holes at the end of his sleeves. With Ben's longing stare at her and Diana's sheer focus, it almost looks like she's putting on a boutonniere... but with cufflinks.

"There you go." Neatly folding the edges of his dress shirt. "Okay, turn around." Diana helped her put his suit coat back on. Her palms brushing off his incredibly broad shoulders then moving down to fix his tie. Her hands made a last stop at his lapel, smoothing the fabric before tapping it.

"Now give me a kiss." After all the touching and personal attention Diana gave to him, he really needed to say that out loud out.

"Give me a good reason why." She smiled, her hands still pressed to his chest.

_Quick, a good reason_. "We need to make sure that we look genuine. Chemistry and all that shit."

Diana hummed in contemplation. "A kiss for chemistry and all that shit. Sure."

  
  
Ben's finger is titled her chin upward, taking his time. His lips delicately brushed hers before placing a proper, soft, eye-fluttering kiss. Gentle and not wet. Ben could feel the thin layer of lipstick sitting on her lips. His hands caressed her hair, holding her. Not instigating for any more but maybe a little longer.

It's not the type kiss they make when they're animalistically fucking. It felt like it's the most normal thing for the both of them. It felt right.

It took the edge off for Diana. When their lips touched, Diana's hands are lightly hovered to his chest for a second before touching them again. She felt like she would get lost if she didn't hold on to him. He smells and tastes like fresh linens and mint. Fresh bergamot and cedar. She felt safe right away. Comforted by the touch of his lips.

Diana slowly pulled away first, Ben instictively moving forward for another one before opening his eyes. "Better?" He asked, swallowing his smile.

"So much better." She bit her lip, doing the same thing Ben is trying hard not to do. Her fingers reached out to the side of his lips, rubbing it gently. "You got some lipstick right there."

He'd go for a follow-up kiss if he could've.

\---

"Fuck, she's here already. Don't look straight at her eyes. She'll turn you into stone." Diana whispered, putting her lips as close as she can near to his ear.

"Sure." He chuckled, dipping his head down. "I'll try my best."

She can easily pinpoint where her mother is. Diana's mother looks like those literal Manhattan mothers in their 60s who don't wear anything except for clothes they just saw at the latest New York Fashion Week. 

_Oh, she picked a good seat too. Very far from the restroom, near at the middle of the floor of the 5 Michellin star restaurant._

"Mom." Diana forced a tight smile. 

"Diana." Her mother opened her arms, giving Diana's back a fast two taps when she came close. Swiftly colliding her cheek to her daughter, giving the illusion that she gave her daughter a warm hug and kiss.

"This is Dr. Benjamin Organa-Solo. Ben, meet my mom, Minerva Montgomery." She promptly introduced the two at each other.

"It's very nice to meet you Attorney Montgomery." Ben gave a firm handshake.

"Likewise." Minerva seemed elated. "I didn't expect to see Han and Leia's only child with mine."

Ben is quick to his feet, pushing the chair of the mother when she started to sit back down.

"I thought that you'd like to meet him." She muttered, taking a seat. "Thank you Ben."

"You're welcome baby." Ben murmured. 

_Oh right_.

A five course dinner is enough for her mother to know everything she needs to know. And to criticize her judgements and decisions that she had made in a span of four years that they didn't see each other.

**Amuse Bouche**

"So Ben," Her mother exhaled, placing her chin the back of her fingers while maintaining the proper dinner etiquette. "How are your parents?"

"My mother is actually here in Seattle. She'll stay here for a couple of months. My dad is still finishing his tour in Australia before going back here." Ben politely talked. His debonair posture tuned Minerva's attention to the young doctor. She'll have time to clock Diana later.

"Maybe you don't know about this but your mother and I actually go way back. We worked together on that Endor Case 30 years ago."

Diana learned that when people meet Ben, they always say the same thing: _"Your mother/father and I go way back"_ as a way to place or strengthen their connection or relativity. No wonder he lost it before.

Her mother is not different.

"Yes, she mentioned it before." Leia knew the moment Diana is the daughter of the lawyer who helped her save the hospital when Ben said her name at the supermarket. But just like Lando Calrissian, Leia got the idea that the relationship of Diana with her mom is an open, ticking time bomb. She made a good call not to mention it when they had dinner.

"Send your parents my regards. I didn't know that she's here."

**First Course: Tuna tartare— Ginger and soy sauce, citric foam and plantain**

"How long are you staying here mom?" Diana asked, initiating the conversation.

"It's my last night, my plane will leave early tomorrow morning. I stayed at the Marriot for five days, I had to make small modifications on the Donelly case."

Sounds just about right. Her mother has been in the city for almost a week yet she asked to see her on the very last night. Nothing new about that. 

She just took a single nod. "That's good to hear." Diana waited for the next blow.

"Andy said that you were too busy to talk to him." Minerva sliced her spoon downward at the gourmet meal. "The internship giving you a hard time?" She almost sang her question. A clear taunt on Diana.

_Andy really wasn't going for "talking" when he saw me at the hospital_. "I was busy." The circular-shaped food sitting on her plate is staring at her. "I was on-call when he got admitted. Ben assisted in his surgery." She looked beside her, the man with perfect waves of hair is already observing her.

"How about you? Do you get to perform any surgery?" She made it sound like Diana and Ben are not on the same level of program. Like Ben is already a doctor and she's still a medical student.

_It's starting_. "Yes. But we're still assisting the much more older doctors during surgeries."

"Hmm. Ben," Minerva called, moving her head a little to the left to look at her daughter's company. "Fantastic job on the surgery. Andy quickly recovered on the operation."

The compliment made Ben's feet shift a little under the table. Minerva is making sure that Diana is hearing it loud and clear that the accolade is for him and _him only_. "Thank you but I just helped on the sideline Mrs. Montgomery, Dr. Pryde did all the work." 

Diana is used to the comparison. She's been compared with everyone her mother sees on her whole life.

**Second course: Pork Belly: Slow braised, seared scallops and apple puree**

"Frederick and the kids said hi." 

_Ah, down to second course and their goes the mentioning second husband and two-adopted kids she love and treasure more than her first, true-blood daughter._

Diana is a first-draft kid. She never got to experience the caring mom energy she's currently giving to those kids. Lucky them. All that she had was an overbearing, helicopter mom who was training her to be a lawyer. No sandwiches made for her for her lunch, no waffle Sunday, a straight no-show to her school activities and absolutely no tucking at night.

She never got the lame suburban mom that she wanted. She had the workaholic, absent mom and it sucked.

Diana considered herself as her mother's very own target-practice before her "real" and "true" family. She didn't even recognize her mom the last time they saw each other. She was so hands-on to her two kids. There was no nanny present to carry them far away from the table. She even told Diana was even the head of some PTA and head coordinator of bake sale. 

Minerva changed. But she didn't change for Diana. And that made her daughter think that she wasn't worth changing for.

Her mother is the sole reason why Diana couldn't deal with romantic relationships. Her non-existent connection with her emotionally stunted her. Teaching her that everything is an agreed arrangement with an expiration date. 

"How are they doing?" She weakly asked. 

Diana's weakness is her mother's strength. "Very good actually." She perked up, excited about the subject of their conversation. "Martin is running for student body president, Christina will be performing Rachmaninoff at her piano recital next week." 

Just to rub the harsh reality at Diana more, her mother pulled out her phone to show some "happy family" pictures she never had. There seemed to be countless of photos of Minerva and her second husband hugging their children tightly, kissing them. Portraying every action in the book to show the world how proud they are to their kids.

"They're getting taller." She muttered, not having the energy to act interested. 

"I know." Minerva sighed, looking at her screen nostalgically. "I miss them so much. I didn't see them in a week." Minerva got to say it effortlessly like she's not facing her own daughter who she didn't see for four whole years. 

"Huh." Diana let out a quick scoff of disbelief. She put hand down to her lap, clenching it to a fist before calmly opening it flat again. She has to do something to release some tension.

Ben's palm stealthily snaked below the table, giving her hand a squeeze. A squeeze that she very much needed at the moment. Diana turned her hand upward, intertwining her fingers with his. And she didn't let go, she wasn't hungry after all. For Ben, he could eat with only using his right hand.

**Third Course: Filet Mignon— Dauphinoise potatoes, asparagus and demi-glace**

"Diana, how old are you?" Minerva softly asked her daughter, her eyes dragging up and down. It's her schtick, she never raised her voice yet she manages to bring people's walls down one by one, which is a very effectice tactic and strategy in court. "Thirty?"

In every perspective and angle to stand, that didn't come out as a good thing. It's either she forgot her first daughter's age or it's an insult on her apperance. And Diana got to choose her own poison. "Twenty-six."

"Hmm." Minerva nodded, enjoying the red, tender meat. "When I was twenty-six I was already preparing to be the managing partner of your grandfather's firm."

Which can be perfectly translated to: _"You're twenty-six now and still have nothing."_

"I only have three years left before finishing the residency program." 

"So, you'd be thirty before becoming a real doctor?" Minerva swirled her wine, tranquil as ever. Her mother didn't even wait for the dessert to drop bombs.

"Mom," Diana fished for Ben's hand again, finding a strength to deal with her current situation. "I am a real doctor."

"But you're still not a real one yet, are you not?" She picked up the stem of her wine glass, the red liquid lightly touching her lips. "You still don't have a license?"

It's true, Diana still needs to pass her intership exam before getting one. "No, I don't have a license yet." She defeatedly said.

Minerva sat back, internally enjoying her small victory. "If you were working at my firm right now you'd already be a senior partner. In three, maybe four years, you being a managing partner with me is already a safe deal." She didn't care if they have an audience. She wanted her daughter to remember the things she let go.

"I know mom." Diana told that to her countless time. "I don't want it. Give it to someone who really deserve it."

It now perfectly made sense to Ben as to why Diana has this vicious anger towards people with fast-pass to their career. Her mother didn't see her as a child, she saw her as an investment. A kid that must be trained and told to hold the tall building standing tall at 6th Avenue in Manhattan.

She never had a childhood, she had training. She never had an after school fun activities, she had tutoring. 

**Dessert: Sticky Toffee Pudding— Caramel Pumpkin Seeds and vanilla ice cream**

Diana wanted to be a doctor because that's the first thing that she said when her father asked her on what she wanted to be when she grew up. 

She said it in a very quiet whisper, close to her father's ears. Because even at young age, 10 years old, Diana knew that she wasn't supposed to choose those kind of things.

And that's the only thing that she remembers from her dad before disappearing.

The pudding tasted bitter in her mouth, indicating that her mother is successful on shaking her ground once again. It's the same conversation with her yet Minerva effortlessly destroy her daughter's spirit everytime they talk about it. 

But this time, Ben Solo is next to her, who's not even flinching when she squeezes his hand so hard. 

She may have a broken spirit once again, but at least she has Ben by her side. A much, much, much more chiller company than alcohol.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> plsssss that adam driver look lives in my mind rent free. i wont kick him out
> 
> the next chapter will carry on on the same night!!


	23. Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i tried making a moodboard for the first time!

**Chapter Twenty-Three: Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time**

Ben Solo swore his car shook for a second because of Diana's intensity of closing the passenger door. The valet even took a step back when Diana grumbled a terrifying thank you at him when he passed the car key to Ben. She's royally pissed, but that doesn't mean that she has the right to wreak havoc to anyone who crosses her view.

  
  
The anger coursing through her veins made the ends of her toes tingle. Diana is convinced that she's going to go blind then go into convulsion due to the vibrating rage inside her body.

  
  
"She's torturing me because she was the one who paid for my undergraduate degree. She's been holding that against for god knows how long." Diana shakily hissed.

  
  
Ben knows how to handle Diana at situations like this. If he instigated it before, he knows what to do like it's the back of his hand. Let her ride it through. Don't touch her at the peak of her fury. _Listen._

  
  
When Diana gave him a warning that it wouldn't be a pretty good picture, she meant every word she said. She wasn't exaggerating. It didn't even come close to a reconciliation between a mother and a daughter, it was a passive-aggressive, mental annihilation.

  
  
"I didn't even enjoy that stupidly expensive meal. Five course for what... ten, fifteen tasteless bites?" She freely continued her rant, aggressively rubbing her face in irritation. "I was beyond thankful that she tipped well. I really don't know what I would do if she only threw a twenty in there."

  
  
Her mom did actually throw a very generous amount of tip. "Yeah, she did." Ben chuckled, trying to find the right way to suggest something.

  
  
"I fucking hate this night." She mumbled as she leaned on to the glass, trying to calm down this time. Diana could feel her blood pressure spike, if she continued bitching around she'll go into a cardiac arrest in a blink of an eye.

  
  
After a profound silence, she raised her head and looked at Ben. "Can we go to a drive-through? I think I'm craving for a cheeseburger."

  
  
The sudden drop of her emotion to ask him for a cheeseburger made Ben crack wide smile. _There she is_. Driving his black convertible Porsche at a drive-through clearance with him looking so dapper and her looking fantastically dressed-up to order for a cheeseburger earned them a few disoriented looks from the staff. The man waiting at the window for their order almost asked them if they were lost.

  
  
"Much better than that dreadful five course meal?" Ben asked, already seeing the drastic change of her mood after two big bites without pause.

  
  
"Oh my god." Diana groaned, eyes rolling back as she devoured the much needed greasy burger for tonight. "So much better. Just imagine all the cheeseburgers we could eat with that bill."

  
  
Leia told Ben that tonight is one of those beautiful nights Seattle only gets fives times in one year. It was an obvious nudge at his son to make the rare night worthy other than playing a boring game of golf with the chief. And he's sure that he'll receive a call from his mother tomorrow interrogating him on what he did this night because his shadows didn't make an appearance at the country club.

  
  
If Diana said she hates this night, why not find the fun on the things she said she detests.

  
  
Ben entered the freeway, maintaining a safe speed as he waited for Diana to finish her food that didn't take long. When he pushed a button down on the console, the windows of their door started to pull down. The fast moving wind entered the car, blowing against the side of their face. And then the roof finally pulled back, the moonlight fully basking them.

  
  
He waited for any strong disagreement from her— a pinch. A reprimand. A " _Ben, stop it._ " But he must've done the right thing because Ben saw the sides of her lips curled up, enjoying the strong blow of the wind.

  
  
They now have a much clearer sound of the car accelerating smoothly on the road. He shifted the gear, continuing the satisfying sound of the engine. Diana's excited laughs are getting drowned at the whips of the wind, it was a good thing that she has a hair tie hiding deep at her clutch, a car hair blowing at a 60 mph speed is not going to friendly.

  
  
Her laugh made him laugh inside. And it's been like that for Ben in months, coming up with ideas to pull out that kind of emotion from Diana. He doesn't even try too hard to get it from her. It feels Diana appreciates every little thing around her. He knows because he has been paying close attention.

  
  
Ben feels like he is the funniest guy on the whole wide world every time he tells a joke because of how she laughs at it. Loud, mouth-wide open, eyes-closed laugh. The type where there are actual tears brimming in her eyes. And he fucking adores the feeling of it, it's even _more_ exhilarating when he did the groundbreaking surgery with Dr. Pryde.

  
  
Now with the stunt that he pulled, Diana's open smile are even brighter than the moon moving together with them. All because of him.

  
  
He was just getting started.

  
  
"Where are we going?" Diana yelled over the wind. Going past the exits they usually take.

  
  
"You'll see."

  
  
The city is left behind them. The tall, ginormous skyscrapers at the side of the road slowly became small, quaint houses until it's nothing but darkness. Diana felt the breeze of cold water biting her cheeks. The smooth road became rough, pebbles and rocks crunching at the wheels.

  
  
He remembers what Poe said before, " _Diana Montgomery, MD. Surgery. Likes fast cars? Likes long walk on the beach?"_

  
  
They are currently at the tip of Seattle at Discovery Park. West Point Lighthouse.

  
  
"I've never been here before." Diana said, pulling off her hair tie.

  
  
His seatbelt clicked, whirring back to the side. That means he made a good choice. "I thought it could take your mind off things for a while. Take off your shoes, your heels will sink in the sand."

  
  
The water is still and quiet– no crashing waves, no dramatic pull of water back to the sea. There was nothing extravagant laid out to them. The lighthouse didn't even look like one. It looks like a house sitting at the edge of the shore. Just peace and tranquility.

  
  
They didn't even talk at one another for a while, their touching shoulders and grazing hands are more than enough for the both of them.

  
  
When they reached the halfway of the strip, Diana deeply inhaled the bracing sea air somberly. "It's maybe because of my face." She mumbled, the coarse feeling of sand at the soles of her feet relaxed her.

  
  
"Hmm?" Ben hummed to elaborate her words, he sounded like he was also in deep thought.

  
  
"My face." Her eyes left the sand to look at him. His hair is amazingly tousled because of the wind, the rotating light at the lighthouse illuminates his patient eyes. It's dilated. "I looked nothing like my mother. I'm like a female version of my dad that's why she hates me with every fiber of her being."

  
  
"Can I know where's your father?" He curled his fingers inside his palm to stop himself from intertwining it with hers. Diana grabbed his hand for so many minutes that when she let go, the spaces between his fingers felt so hollow and empty. Incomplete.

  
  
Diana pulled coat tighter to her body. "I wish I could answer that. He just...disappeared. Wouldn't blame him to be honest, even I ran away as far as I can from the talons of my mother when I got the chance."

  
  
She shook her head, not letting another sob story get away in her head. "Anyways, that's ancient history. Thank you for bringing me here Ben." Diana smiled. The kind of smile that made her eyes shine bright like the shimmering stars above them.

  
  
A smile from the soul. The first time Ben saw her smile like that was when she cracked the puzzle about the condition of their first patient. He thought that her smile was _ridiculous_ , that how could a person's smile light up the room.

  
  
But when she first smiled at him, during that chaotic babysitting job, oh how it completely disarmed him. For a full minute, his pompous, arrogant attitude towards her completely crumbled down. And it utterly scared him, how her face burned at the back of his mind since then.

  
  
"It's nothing." He peeled his eyes off her, stopping himself to do anything other than look.

  
  
"It's funny that we are literally surrounded by a huge body of water in this state but I have no idea how to swim." Diana laughed at her confession.

  
  
Ben grinned at the small fact about her. "You don't know how to swim?"

  
  
"Yeah." She nodded gingerly. "No one taught me how. Plus I couldn't really go to Coney Island or Staten Island before whenever my heart desired."

  
  
"Lucky for you, Mr. "I grew up in Bel Air"," she continued, finger playfully poking his arm as she tried to mimic his voice. "You had to many beaches to choose from to learn your breast stroke."

  
  
Diana is sure that he didn't even need a beach for him to learn. A wide swimming pool is placed somewhere in his childhood mansion that he could jump at anytime.

  
  
"I could teach you how to swim some other time." Ben pondered, not sounding like one of those people who only tell things at the spur of the moment to satisfy the person they're talking to. He really meant it. "When the weather is good, we can go at the Marina and we'll a good spot at Shilshole Bay."

  
  
It's where those fancy yacht clubs are placed. Diana didn't even flinch at the fact that Ben Solo has his own yacht. He has to have one. "Sure. And Ben,"

  
  
"Yes Diana?"

  
  
"Can you—" She stopped, catching herself. _Am I really lonely that I almost asked him that?_ Diana bitterly laughed at herself. That's the lowest of the low. "No-nothing."

  
  
"What is it?" Ben stopped in his tracks.

  
  
"I was going to ask you to..." Diana closed her eyes in a beat, limbs weakly flailing from side to side. She's really gonna do it. Just this one night. "... I don't know. Stay the night at my place. It sounds so sad and pathetic but I just don't want to be alone tonight."

  
  
"Oh." Ben perked up, not expecting the invitation.

  
  
"It's not a booty call I'm telling you now." Diana blurted out, continuing her ramble. "I mean, just stay the night at my place. No subcontext. But don't hesitate to say no—"

  
  
Diana must be joking if she's expecting that Ben would say no. "I'll stay with you."

  
  
"Just this one night." She said in defense.

  
  
To pay respects to the hospital Ben Solo's mother helped to become what it currently is, they moved their sneaky erotic rendezvous away from the walls of Alderaan Grace. And maybe because they almost got caught at the supplies closet one time when a rotating nurse grabbed a tourniquet. Diana pushed Ben so hard away from her that the shelves almost became a cascading dominoes.

  
  
Not all the way, but they really tried to minimize it; his place, her place and most recently, in his car while they're still at the parking lot of the hospital. That still counted as outside the hospital.

  
  
So when the strict-rule abider Diana Montgomery asked him to stay the night, Ben has to double check on what she really wanted. "I could use the couch if it feels weird to you. It looks comfortable let me tell you."

  
  
"You're nice to give that couch a good evaluation. But the bed would be much better. We've done it many times before.

  
  
"What? The sex? Yes, I can second that statement." Ben jested.

  
  
Diana swatted his chest. But as she tried to remove it away from him, Ben just made her clutch firmer. 

  
  
"Well, yeah that too. But just a friendly, innocent sleepover between a girl and a guy." Diana slowly paced her words.

  
  
He OVERstood. "A friendly, innocent and completely platonic sleepover. Got it." He raised his free hand in defense. The span of his palm high in the air looks intimidating.

  
  
Diana contently sighed, pushing aside the hate that she's feeling towards her vulnerability. "Great. I still have your shirt and... shorts from before. So your clothes wouldn't be a problem."  
  


* * *

  
  
"What the hell was that?" Ben snickered. Amused.

  
  
The familiar warm orange glow of lampshade in Diana's bedroom gave them a source of light as they continue their banter. Curtains were already drawn and the door is closed. His back was resting on the headboard, hands curled on his lap. Ben already changed into a more comfortable clothes to sleep. The duvet was crumpled, covering his lower half.

  
  
"Wha— it's a wink! Just like the one you just did." She defended. Diana is already on her cotton shorts pajamas. Sitting cross-legged while her back is facing the end of the bed.

  
  
Ben recently found out that Diana doesn't know how to wink. So he did it at her, right eye effortlessly closing. She did the same, but her right eye winked rather hard- Diana looked she was trying to remove some bug at her eye.

  
  
"That's not what I did." He shook his head, still smiling widely.

  
  
She continued to brush her hair, "I just exactly did what you've done Ben."

  
  
"Show me again. Try it more softly this time." He urged, palms drumming on his lap. Absolutely delighted on her attempts.

  
  
She did it one more time. Too slow. Her lips are still parted while she was maintaining an eye contact at Ben. Gradually blinking her eye.

"Yup, very subtle." Ben nodded, his voice drawled with sarcasm. "Sure boys will go crazy when you do that to them."

  
  
"Crazily petrified you mean." Her paddle brush gently combing the voluminous strands of her hair that she parted in half.

  
  
"Don't do it too often though, men and women will throw themselves at you." He continued to patronize her.

  
  
Diana pointed her brush at him before putting it on the bed side drawer. The wide back of her black oval brush playfully threatened Ben. "Shut up."

  
  
A deep inhale of yawn escape from her mouth before creeping her fingers below her glasses to remove that itch that Diana has been feeling on her eyes. The tiredness slowly creeping up to her .

  
  
Ben looked at his side to see the clock. It's past midnight already. "Let's go to sleep?"

  
  
Her eyes grew heavier when Ben uttered the word sleep. Her adrenaline from the dinner hours ago was replaced with exhaustion, she just fidn't notice it right away because of long period talking with him. "Yeah, tonight's been really eventful."

  
  
She crawled to her side, sharing the covers with him. "Good night Ben." Diana gave Ben a warm smile of gratuity.

  
  
"Good night." He replied, before clicking the lampshade off. Their bodies facing each other, only for their legs and arms to be tangled with one another as they move on their sleep.

  
  
\---  
  
  


Ben slowly lifted his eyelids, still heavy from the deep slumber. He knew right away it wasn't his bed, his doesn't smell like honeysuckle and coconut. Though Diana's scent lingered in his covers after a hardcore, quick fuck, it vaporizes after a day or two.

  
  
His nose was softly prodded on her back, just below her nape. Both of their charcoal-colored hair are sprawled in the her white pillows, his arm is slinging to her bare waist. He must have snuck his hand under her shirt, sitting near her ribs just below her breasts.

  
  
Maybe because they didn't have sex last night so that's why they were closer than they used to be. That's why his body didn't create an invisible barrier to keep away from her.

  
  
Was it too intimate? Yes. But it wouldn't hurt if they would be like this once in a while, right? He didn't move for a second, his eyes and soul are fully awake now, and started taking in the surroundings. He noticed how his arms are wrapped around her and how he her feet were touching his.

  
  
Ben silently watched how her chest steadily rise and fall, eyebrows slightly furrowed. It was like she fell asleep whilst thinking about a very tricky case.

  
  
Because of the significant height difference, her ass is pressed right at his crotch. His radiating warmth during the night made the unconscious Diana to pull herself close to him, making herself comfortable by wiggling her shoulders and arching her back. Ben, on the other hand, would just hold her more, pulling her closer to him.

  
  
The mixture of "platonic" but intimate position and his unforgiving morning wood just conflicted the man behind her.

  
  
Diana stirred not long after, slowly waking up. She took a long inhale, stretching her hands to her side and arching back more.

  
  
Ben clenched his jaw, the early morning sensation is getting the best of him. A twitch of his hand inside her shirt is just the indication that he's already awake.

  
  
She peeked on her shoulders, still not wanting to move that much yet. "Hey." She groggily said.

  
  
"Hey." Adam greeted back, his voice sent vibrations to her back.

  
  
She reached for the muscled arm that was wrapped around her. As much as he does, she is actually enjoying their morning formation. Diana couldn't pretend that she didn't feel it. Her hips was a higher than his but that didn't stop her from feeling Ben's hard-on. If he braved himself to just raise his hand a little bit, he would definitely feel her erected nipples.

  
  
The half-asleep but undoubtedly aroused Diana scooted more, digging herself deeper into him. It's been a while since she felt naughty in the morning.

  
  
That finally elicited a moan behind her. His fingers dug deeper on her skin. "Diana. Be still." He lowly warned.

  
  
"What?" Her voice deliberately feigning innocence.

  
  
She knows exactly what she's doing. "What do you mean " _what?_ "" He sternly asked, a mischievous grin evident on his words. Taking up the challenge, he nudged his erection more into her.

  
  
She reached for his wrist, guiding it upward to cup her breasts, drawing in a sharp breath when Ben started moving his hand. His palms eargerly massaging her tits, fingers rolling her nipples.

  
  
For a full whole minute, neither of them didn't say a word. The crumpling of the duvet and their breaths and sighs that are becoming louder and heavier are the only sounds that bounces off in the room. Instead of being jumpy like they always were during foreplay, Ben and Diana aren't in a rush. They are still recovering from a 7 hour long sleep, their energies are not at the prime.

  
  
Another guide for his hand wasn't necessary for him. As soon as Ben Solo felt that she's beginning to get antsy, he started to remove his hand from her supple breast. His hand didn't lose contact from her skin as it traveled down to her stomach, then near to the hem of her pajama bottoms.

  
  
Diana shifted her leg as his hand began the descend. She bent her knee, pushing it close to her torso.

  
  
"Fuck, you're not wearing panties?" Ben Solo almost chocked when his fingers didn't feel another fabric. That just made him become worked up more, making him to nip her earlobe.

  
  
Her decision on leaving out her underwear last night was a good idea. But before she was supposed to say something in response to his question, she was cut off when the his finger ran a line on her slit. "Mmm." she shivered. God, Ben just fondled her breasts only for a minute and yet she's already pooling down there.

  
  
"Oh, hello." He tugged his lower lip to give it a moisture. His two fingers collecting slick as he run it up and down from her pussy to her clit one more time before focusing its attention to her nub. Rubbing it in a excruciating slow circular motion, not giving it all to her at once.

  
  
Diana felt like she's in a dream. Like one of those dirty dreams that left her hot and wet when she wakes up, instead this one is happening in real-time. But just to make it sure, she reached behind her. Dainty hand rested near on his ear and cheek as Ben started to pick up his pace.

  
  
Her touch was an indication to him that he's doing good. In a soft yet dominant whisper Ben said, "Open them more."

  
  
She hummed, his voice gave the back of her neck goosebumps as she pushed her knee and leg more.

  
  
"Ah, there it is." His fingers teased the sides of her opening. Perfectly wet for fucking. He plunged a finger inside her, gradually stretching Diana out.

  
  
One finger is enough to make her squirm and moan beside him. She tighten her hold on him as Ben began to pump it in faster whilst his thumb was continuing to rub his clit.

  
  
"Ben." Diana moved her hand down, releasing his erection from the confinement of his underwear. She had no difficulty to reach for it. With his promising length, she could pump a good portion of it from behind.

  
  
A throaty groan is heard from him as he pick up the speed. Both of them are already flushed and aroused and still under the covers that is already becoming hot for the two of them. But they didn't even bother pushing it off away from them.

  
  
"You're so wet." His chuckle is full of satisfaction. "So wet for me. Can you already handle the second one right?" His voice is hot in her ear, the pad of his middle finger already stalking at her entrance.

  
  
That tensile sensation from plunging the second finger inside her is MORE than enough for her to be in a moaning mess. A lewd slurping sound of wetness coming from below as Ben continued to finger her.

  
  
"Put it in," Diana tried to line the tip of her cock near her, teasing both of them when she tried to line his tip near her as Ben continued to fervently rub her swollen clit. "Ben put it in." She mewled.

  
  
"Want me to fuck you raw from behind?" He breathlessly suggested, pulling her shorts more until it reach her knees.

  
  
"Yes, yes, please." Diana answered like's in a deep trance, wiggling her hips.

  
  
Ben bit his lips, his palm coming in contact with her ass in sharp motion. "Keep doing that or you're going to leave me no fucking choice to do it." The second Diana opened her mouth to yelp, his fingers trailed upward to hook it in her mouth. "Taste yourself so you know how good you taste for me."

  
  
Her lips wrapped around her fingers, not sparing a skin unattended. Her tongue swirling around as she moaned and hummed in satisfaction.

  
  
That even fueled his desire to completely rail her in the morning. Apparently, lazy sex didn't exist on Ben Solo's vocabulary. He pulled back his fingers with a little force, pushing her closer to him before to line his cock her entrance.

  
  
Diana is inundated by the scorching sensation when Ben slid himself into her. She quickly learned that Ben could easily tune in his (almost-scary yet hot) control side the moment she spreads her legs in front of him.

  
  
She can visibly see him crossing the line from being Ben " _wonderboy, cardiothoracic surgeon in the making_ " Solo to Ben | _won't second guess to split her in half and yet still beg for more and grab her neck as he fucks her into the fourth dimension"_ Solo

  
"Good girl." Ben praised. "Always ready to take my cock any time of the day." He pressed his nose and open lips at the back of her neck.

  
  
Their bodies moving in quick forward motion because Ben likes to pull out his cock all the way out only to slam it back in haste, perfectly hitting the spot.

  
  
Ben's rapid blow of ragged breaths against her skin just adds to the overwhelming feeling accumulating at pit of her stomach. Her hand is clutching the hair on the back of his head, eyes only slightly open. Thrown into another pleasurable daze as Ben fucks her from behind.

  
  
His large hand started to frantically roam her sides– her thighs, hips, waist and arms. Feeling her tender skin, the indentations of her crumpled sheet marks still traced on her cheeks.

  
  
Diana called out his name repeatedly like it's the elixir of life. With her stuttering and short breaths, his name is the only name that matters.

  
  
The four corners of her room are no stranger to their hot and heavy moans anymore. They should be beyond thankful that the walls of her apartment couldn't talk. Ben's place are no saint either, there are no place (both first and second floor) left untouched when the two started.

  
  
"Touch yourself." Ben ordered, holding the back of her knee to raise it up in the air. Giving him a more open to burrow himself deeper into her.

  
  
His lips are parted, gathering air as much as he could. The sight of Diana in every position always buckles his senses. And she is not aware of the power she holds onto him. He won't get enough of it.

  
  
"Ben," She sighed, the touch of her swirling, rapid fingers her pushed her more to reach high they're both catching. "So good." She moaned, barely coherent.

  
  
"Yeah?" He hummed. "Feels good?" Ben lustfully spurred her on, thrusting with rough vigor.

  
  
"Uh-huh. _Yesyes_ , yes." Diana cried, clenching to pull Ben more inside her.

  
  
"Fuckk." _Oh_ , he felt that alright. Without removing himself to her, Ben lifted from the bed as he kneeled between her legs. Putting the leg he was holding to his shoulder, feeding his never-ending desire.

  
  
"Ah fu—oh my god!" Diana whined, the changed angle made her squirm. It's the killer position. The position that makes her wonder how it's possible for him to go deeper.

  
  
Ben Solo has now the exclusive view of her pleasurable face. "No god can help you now." His eyebrows furrowed in concentration and pure utter devotion. Slamming his hips earnestly. Fast and deep, like he's trying to prove a point.

  
  
"Fuck, Diana." He hissed between his teeth, his palm is pressing on the side of her stomach. "Baby, _shit_ —you're going to be the _death_ of me."

  
  
Diana did what she does best to respond to Ben, moan. Moan loud. She reached up, grabbing his arms to make him hover on top of her. "Yea—keep going, Ben."

  
  
"Are you going to cum?" His head laying on the crook of her neck, moist, plump lips against her ear. "You going to cum on my cock like you always do?"

  
  
Diana is too occupied and intoxicated to respond. But that just made Ben slammed his hips more, the headboard loudly hit the wall. The question on how Diana isn't evicted yet to her frequent " _headboard_ _banging_ " is yet to be answered. So the best thing to do is, when Ben Solo asks her a question. She better answer fast.

  
  
"Yes!" She whined.

  
  
Being the cocky asshole that he is, Ben taunted her. "Want me to stop?"

  
  
"Don't." That made her snap, she's going to be super pissed when he actually did stop. Her eyes widen, her irises formed a dark stormy cloud. "Don't you fucking stop Ben. I swear—" Her fingers dug at the his back.

  
  
He didn't let her finish, continuing to ram his cock into her wet cunt. As if he'd really stop. Ben grabbed her wrists, pinning them at the both sides.

  
  
With his hold and Diana's long, red marks of her fingers trailing down on his back, the old marks that they put at each other are replaced by new ones.

  
  
Marks that they only have the leisure and privilege to see.

  
  
It started from her toes, the intensity moving fast upwards to her body. Her legs uncontrollably shook under him, tall waves of hitting her with full force. And one more forceful pump from Ben before he let out out a throaty emptying-sound groan. Long, hot and generous climax unraveling inside her. Too much as a matter of fact that a line of cum dripped out, drawing a thick line that moved past her ass. Trickling on her sheets.

  
  
For the third time this week, Diana is going to change her sheets again.

  
  
So much for a morning sex. "Don't make me go out of my bed for another hour." Diana murmured, becoming sleepy again.

  
  
Ben did his routinely kiss on top of her head, slowly pulling out. Staining her sheets once more as cum continued to pour out. "I won't."

  
  
Diana slept like a rock for another hour becoming smelling the freshly brewed coffee wafting from her kitchen. Ben Solo likes his coffee strong. And Ben knows that she likes her with so much milk, almost to the point that it's only just milk.

  
  
And for the next 30 minutes after talking to each, Ben lifted Diana to sit her on her kitchen top to _eat_ his _breakfast_.


	24. Rules? What Rules?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we continue at the same morning from the last chapter.
> 
> Ben and Diana will give the morning after another try!

**Chapter Twenty-Four: Rules? What Rules?**

When Diana opened her eyes for the second time, the weather is already at its usual gloomy and cloudy setting. Ben have pulled her curtains to let a little light enter her room before making coffee, the skies are painted grey, thick and heavy clouds barring the sun to extend its rays down at Emerald City. It's very obvious that rain will make its regular visitation later.

  
  
When Diana dragged her heavy ankles to her kitchen, Ben was already on the middle of dipping the second bread in to the whisked egg and milk mixture that he did. It didn't take long for him to scavenge the necessary ingredients in her small-spaced kitchen.

  
  
"You sleep like a rock." Ben commented, the wet bread letting out a delicious sizzle as it hit the hot pan.

  
  
She only managed let out a groggy grunt as a response to him, not having the strength to form words yet because he sucked it all out from her an hour ago. She pushed herself to sit on the countertop to watch him make their morning, after-sex breakfast.

  
  
If both of them are being frank at one another, they are clueless strangers when it comes to the muted mornings after being feral animals at the bed. They are not accustomed to the serene, _do— dome—_ (Diana can't even say the word) domestic feeling that lingers in the apartment when their minds are still clouded with slumber.

  
  
Ben had a rigorous routine of, or what Armie connoted, " _bust and bolt_ " after some quick fuck with some psychology _and/or_ biology _and/or_ business major back at Harvard. And when they had done it at his and Armie's room, his mind goes haywire when the girl that he picked up was still snooping around to his side of the room five minutes after they did it.

He pushed her green coffee cup towards her; _1/4 coffee, 3/4 milk_.

After a few, long sips, Ben saw that she started to dangle her legs. A sign that the almost _non-existent_ caffeine is already settling to her bloodstream.

  
  
"I didn't know you can cook." Diana croaked, the heels of her palms are holding the edge of her countertop. She assumed that because she was told that Ben doesn't have time to stop by at his magnanimous kitchen at his penthouse in Bellevue.

  
  
"I do." _No_ , he _doesn't_. Ben is just winging it right now. But how hard it is to beat some egg, add milk and dip a piece of bread? It's a simple, one-two preparation like making a cereal. Or doing an appendectomy if comparing it to the difficulty in surgery.

  
  
It's the easiest thing to do. But with how the way Diana watches her make it with her head curiously titled and in her crinkled pajama and messy hair, Ben has this feeling of false confidence surging through him. He holds the spatula like he's some executive chef.

  
  
They maintained their position while they enjoy their food; Ben standing beside while he face her, Diana still sitting on the countertop. Her daily subscription of The Seattle Times crinkling for every 5 minutes as Ben skim the business section.

  
  
Unlike him, Diana couldn't be bothered to know what stock price surged upward or descended. She would have a maximum total of ten minute news reading before going straight to the crossword puzzles.

  
  
"What's a six letter word for pinnacle?" Diana asked, shoving a piece of French Toast in her mouth. Her half-empty cup of ~~coffee~~ milk now cold and unattended.

  
  
Ben pursed his lips as he think of a word, sipping from his cup. "Zenith?"

  
  
_Zenith_. She mouthed the word as she transfer the letter to the paper. "Perfect." She said while chewing her food. "Make sure to be here every morning while I do my crossword puzzle."

  
  
Ben only instinctively hummed, his gaze not leaving the folded broadsheet. It was just a suggestion with no hidden meaning. It sounded hollow actually, it's not like she's setting it on stone. But when Ben heard the words _every morning_ , he lost track of what he was reading. His mind went on tangent as he see the picture before his eyes— _every morning like this, him reading the business section while Diana asks her for a certain word while they enjoy the comfortable silence._

  
  
He has no complaints if this ever happened again.

"I'm going out in an hour." He announced, already done with his french toast. _Could do more cinnamon and more milk_. He could do better next time. "I have a brunch to attend to. So me using your bathroom is inevitable."

  
  
"I'm on the dishes. Don't worry about it." Diana is still halfway done with hers. Her brow went up, "A date?" She grinned, the small red eraser of her pencil hitting the newspaper repeatedly.

  
  
"Why would you like to know?" He moved his position to stand between her legs. Pawing her bare thighs, sensually moving his hands up and down. Relishing how her soft skin glides easily underneath his palms before pushing them apart. _Christ, her thighs are to die for._

  
  
_Already?_ Diana bit her lip. "I'm just trying to make a small talk here." She giggled. Ben's searing and greedy touch MIXED with his unnerving gaze roaming all over her body are more than enough to stray her mind away from thinking of something else to talk about.

  
  
It's a slow morning. Ben didn't push her knees apart swiftly like he always does. He's taking it slow, admiring how his palm easily covers her kneecaps. Almost every thing this man touches become smaller. Like those tropes in movies when a giant picks up a huge house yet it becomes tiny plastic buildings once it lands on his hands.

  
  
"I bet you like to have a small talk with me right now huh?" He stepped forward, pressing himself to her. His _handsy_ hands travelling upward. Ben tucked her hair behind her ears at the same time, putting the softest kiss on her right temple. "What do you want to talk about then?" He moved his lips to the side, his question reached her ear in a quiet whisper.

  
  
It's now a reflex to hold Ben on his wide torso when he comes close to her like that. A muscle memory. What does Diana want to talk about right now? Oh. Yeah, right. "Brunch." She quickly said after thinking for a minute. "Where are you having your brunch?"

  
  
"Palisade." Ben answered promptly against her jaw, being patient to answer her half-assed attempt to conduct a small talk. Weakly playing with her breasts before his fingers start removing the first three buttons of her pajama top.

  
  
It's that restaurant near W Marina Place. Very fancy. It has a spectacular 180-degree view of Elliott Bay.

  
  
"O—okay." Diana eagerly nodded, shuddering at the contact. "With who?"

  
  
"Why does it matter to you?" He lifted his face, staring straight at her eyes. Penetrating her curious soul. His fingers dug inside the waistband of her shorts, ready to pull it down at any moment. Those shorts that almost sent Ben into a cardiac arrest when she bent over to pick up the newspaper laying outside her door.

  
  
"Because I—" She's lost for words. His towering figure and strong, attention-grabbing presence blocking her mind to think. No one has the power think straight if Ben Solo is sharing their space bubble. Especially with that knowing, downcast look at easily says to her, " _I'll eat you alive"_. No one has the capability to form coherent words.

  
  
Ben's head began to sink down, holding her knees to steady himself. He started to put kisses at the sides of her knees, left and right. Ben likes to feel how it tenses against his lips. "Does that bother you? The thought of me with anyone else?" His voice is in a cool, low hum. Lips letting out a smacking sound at every end of his sentence.

  
  
She never really gave it much thought. (But knowing a thing or two outside their secret circle wouldn't hurt.) Diana can't make herself paranoid towards the possibility that Ben has other arrangements he tends to. She knows that she doesn't have the right to be negative about it if he truly has one.

  
  
And Ben knows that that's what she thinks. Because despite asking the same question with humor and slight insult tangled in her voice, Ben is aware that she still wants to know if he has the same sexual conquest with somebody else. Diana really thinks she a good of an actress when she asks him in an unattached, distracted manner if Ben is seeing someone other than her. She thought she could fool him.

  
  
"Do I have to be bothered?" She retorted, back arching in response with his dragging touch. Drawing in long, passionate deep breaths and slowly exhaling.

  
  
_Smart girl_. In one swift motion, Ben pulled down her shorts. Throwing it over his shoulder. He doesn't want anything getting in his way to enjoy her. A devilish smirk formed on his parted mouth, basking in the picture of how her tiny cunt is presented to him.

  
  
Ben Solo is fucking obsessed with her pussy. Fixated is even a better word to describe it. The young doctor even has a mental list on why he's addicted to it that he likes to go through when he's driving back to his house. Or when he doesn't have anything to do.

  
  
He rubbed his close lips to her inner thighs, painfully close now to her close. _The smell_. The heady, velvety smell of her sex that always makes his eyes roll back.

The he went straight to town with it, licking first the lips of her cunt. Shuddering a groan of delicious satisfaction as his tongue lathering her soft and slick folds. _The taste_. Ben is not kidding one bit when he told her that she tastes like honey. Tangy and sweet. Ben Solo is not a kiss-and-tell type of man, but it feels like he won a lifetime achievement award to ravish her any time his heart desires.

  
  
"Yeah, just like that." Up above, Diana is already hiccuping her breaths. Every part of Ben's body turned her on— his pliant yet firm tongue and mouth that speaks French to her pussy with how it rolls and tugs, the primal, hungry sounds coming from his chest that sends vibrations to her pussy and his shiny, luscious hair that she seems to love to pull.

  
  
The tongue probing continues, his broad tongue licking her with so much gusto. Her wetness and his saliva mixing together on his lips and chin. This is the only time when Ben doesn't throw away dirty words, he's too occupied to eat her. Just a handful of " _mmhmms_ " are coming out from his mouth.

  
  
_Her face_ , he continued to list. He adores her blissed-out and blushing face when he looks at her from the edge of her mound. His wet mouth attacks the entirety of her core, making a wet, obscene slurping sound. Making sure that he tongue grazes her clit.

  
  
"Whose pussy is this?" He lifted his mouth away from her. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand before pushing his fingers inside her.

  
  
Diana's mind is wandering far away to answer his question. The overpowering feeling drowning her to say a word.

  
  
"Tell me." He sounded so desperate to hear her answer. Ben lifted up his other hand, his four fingers _tapped_ with enough pressure to send her soul back to her body.

  
  
"Shit!" The sharp snap zapped her. "Yours!" She cried. "All yours Ben."

  
  
That's what all he needed to hear. "Mine." He declared, moving his tongue up and down again. Back and forth to flick away at her clit. Ben alternated between fast flicking and slow licking. 

  
  
Ben felt that she's nearing the homerun. Diana didn't let go of his hair now, she doesn't know what to do anymore.

  
  
On the next pass he continued right through to the top of her pussy lips then spending a little time to suck the nub into his mouth. Ben held her down and soon after, just like when he expected it, her legs started to convulse uncontrollably. She weakly pushed Ben's head away from her due to the overwhelming intensity of her orgasm. Yeah right, like that would happen.

  
  
For the second time today, Diana is spent. Catching up the breaths she forgot to take as Ben devoured her. He stood up, holding her tight to prevent her from stumbling downward.

  
  
Diana Montgomery, the only woman who put The Prince of Alderaan on his knees. Both literally and figuratively.

  
  
There's no one else.  
  
———

  
  
It's his mind's turn to wander off. Eyes extending farther away than the Elliott Bay. His pointer finger swipes his upper lip repeatedly, reminiscing the events that just happened hours ago.

  
  
After taking a quick shower, Diana made sure that she mentioned how big his shoes are.

  
  
_She sat on the couch next to him, picking up his polished Oxford. Ben didn't bother to put on his tie and coat again as he get dressed. Diana put her foot at the back of the shoe to compare their size, her fingertoes only reaching the half of it. "I could be lost forever if I accidentally stepped in one of your shoes." She snickered. Benjamin Organa Solo is an easy size 14, the living embodiment of the saying: " **You know what they say about guys with big feet."**_

  
  
_They were like teenagers with raging hormones. Because in just one blink, they caught themselves making out again. And after another blink, Diana is already kneeling between his legs pulling down his zipper._

  
  
_"One before going back home." She grinned. Gladly returning the orgasm that he gave to her._

  
  
He huffed a smile, dimples digging on his cheek. His glass of mimosa hasn't been touched yet.

  
  
"...Now make sure that you give your friends their invitations once you got it from the printing press." Leia continued to talk while she enjoy her bacon and cheddar frittatta.

  
  
"Benjamin." She called out.

  
  
His shoulders flinched, sheepish smile still plastered on his lips before blinking. "Yeah." He cleared his throat as he face his mother. "The invitations, yeah. I'm on it mom."

  
  
If Ben easily took a rain check last night with his plan with Chief Calrissian, he wouldn't risk to take another rain check on the weekly brunch with his mother. It's the least thing that he can do after everything happened. And being zealously interrogated by Leia is already expected. He's a big boy, he can take it.

  
  
That's the second time she called him out. The second time she caught his son secretly smiling all by himself. Leia knows who's the reason behind those smiles. "So, how long are you guys been dating?"

  
  
"We're not dating." Ben said defensively.

  
  
Leia raised her brow intriguingly. Funny how her son already had an answer without her uttering any name. "What do you kids call it now then? Hooking up?"

  
  
"Mom." Ben warned. When he saw that his mother's eyes didn't falter, he doesn't have any choice other than answering it. "I don't know, 2-3 months. Maybe four. It's nothing serious."

  
  
"Uh-huh. Yeah, _sure_." Leia hummed, not buying her Ben's last sentence. "I take it that you two went out yesterday?"

  
  
"We did." Ben looked down, remembering her hair blowing in the wind. He almost spaced out again. "We just drove around town."

  
  
"Well I took Lando out on a lunch yesterday to gather news about the hospital. He said that you two used to bite each other's faces off."

  
  
They still bite each other's faces off. "We're still competing with one another. Holdo actually commended her for her assistance on her scrubs-in."

  
  
"And she has the same wavelength of humor that I have. That's hard to come by nowadays. Don't forget to introduce her to you father once he got here."

  
  
"I will." Ben intends to do that. Almost offended that his mother thinks that he'll do otherwise.

  
  
After hearing the full story of the two from Lando– everything until to the whole hallway-chase bickering, Leia realized that the two are both stubborn, easy to temper and quick with comebacks. Uncannily like her and Han. Solo men are hard-headed straight to their bones and usually dumb at this kind of things, but at least they have an excellent taste in women, the mother thought.  
  


* * *

  
  
"Hey." Diana said, calling his attention.

  
  
Ben just lightly titled his head to the side, waiting for her to talk more.

  
  
She took a pause, her voice became smaller. "Kanata gave a me an unruly patient. I can't open an IV."

  
  
If somebody went into the past, roughly 9 months ago, to tell Diana that she would tell Ben Solo that she can't open a simple IV, she would give that person the loudest laugh ever. She had a bitch fit when some peds intern who asked her to do something that required an interaction with him. Her ego was too big and too high to ask him for help, let alone confessing that she couldn't do the simplest procedure in the surgical floor.

  
  
"And you're telling me that because?" Ben asked, once again acting like a kid in the playground who likes to pull pigtails.

  
  
"Ugh, fine." Diana rolled her eyes. Of course he wouldn't let her off the hook easily. "Help me start an IV, Ben Organa-Solo. You're my only hope." She said with so much theatrics that the line of authenticity and ingenuity of her plead became vague.

  
  
It's an obvious exaggeration, but it was the puppy eyes that got him. "Tell me about the patient." They began to walk.

  
  
"Henry Wexley. Eight. Diagnosed with aortic valve disease from an infectious endocarditis. The kid is scared of hospitals, he doesn't want needles near him."

  
  
Ben is working with Holdo today and Diana is under Pryde's supervision. A swap. "Is Pryde going to do a Ross procedure?"

  
  
"Yeah. And thanks to your _oh so passionate_ love at cardiothoracics Pryde thinks I'm no help with him later." It's understandable that the attending surgeon have felt that way, no one comes close to Ben when it comes to heart operations.

  
  
"Tell him that you're excited to watch him harvest the pulmonary valve using his septal-sparing technique." Ben coached her as they turned a corner. "If you cut too much of the septal muscle, the patient won't be able to come off pump." He effortlessly said it like he's reading it off his journal. Except that he doesn't.

  
  
Diana narrowed her eyes. "Wait a second, none of that is in the book. I researched earlier."

  
  
"It's the key to the case." Ben shrugged his shoulders. "It will make you sound like you've been around the block once or twice."

  
  
_Score_. "Okay. Got it."

  
  
He feigned a groan of disappointment. "I can't believe I'm giving you all my best stuff. You don't deserve it." Ben grinned.

  
  
"We both know that I _do_ deserve it."

  
  
They entered the room of the patient. The worrisome parents are sitting beside the bed, waiting for the professionals to settle their kid down.

  
  
Henry is quiet, the overbed table is filled with airplane toys. The kid is giving out different engine sounds as he play, too wrapped up in his own adventure.

  
  
"Hey Henry, I'm back." Diana greeted. "We're going to try to put an IV in your arm again okay? And then you can go back to your playing."

  
  
"No." Henry said it loud and clear.

  
  
Diana gave Ben a look. _One more request to the kid and he'll throw a tantrum for sure._

  
  
Ben took a step forward, sitting at the edge of the bed. "That's a cool Millenium Falcon." He pointed at the miniature aircraft his father owns, opening a conversation. He didn't even touch it, kids are too careful with their collectibles.

  
  
"My mom got it for me because I did well in class." Henry said, not bothering to look at the doctor. He slowly lifted the aircraft, mimicking a sound of take-off.

  
  
"You got the take-off accurate too." Ben said, making sure that he sounded impressed. "Dr. Montgomery keep saying IV. Do you know what that is?"

  
  
He shook his head, drawing a zigzag line with his toy in the air.

  
  
"It's a little tube that we put in your arm." He explained.

  
  
"No." Henry said again. "No. It's gonna hurt."

  
  
"Kiddo, come on. It's not gonna hurt." The father commented.

  
  
Henry observed the tube Diana is holding. "There's a needle. It's going to hurt."

  
  
"But it's only for what, three seconds?" Ben caught the attention of the kid again. He knows that there's no point of lying to Henry.

  
  
He clutched the Falcon in his tiny palm. Ben got him to listen. "I don't believe you."

  
  
"You don't believe me? I'll prove to you." He pushed the sleeve of his coat to expose him arm. "Dr. Montgomery, put one on me."

  
  
"That is a tourniquet. We are going to wrap it around your arm so that your vein pops out." Ben recognized the thick blue band on Diana's hands as she fasten it around him. Ben closed his fist to make sure that a vein is showing. "See, like that."

After Diana made sure that the vein felt spongy. She then proceeded to clean the surface of her co-intern's skin by rubbing an alcohol swab.

  
  
"Now the needle. That's the part that's going to hurt." Diana beveled up the angiocath, pointing the needle at a shallow angle.

  
  
Diana glanced at him to give him a silent signal before poking his skin. "Hurting." Ben said and yet his eyes and face didn't show the feeling that he just said. He must be used to it by now. "That hurts."

  
  
She advanced the catheter before removing the tourniquet. "It doesn't hurt anymore." Ben declared as Diana removed the needle. "Now all the stuff that goes in the tube, that doesn't hurt at all."

  
  
With the visual aid Henry saw, he's now convinced. "Okay, I'll do it."

  
  
Diana caught herself smiling at Ben. A tall, dark and brooding man let her poke him to help her start an IV. Weirdly attractive...and hot.

  
  
"Good. Do you want her to do it?" He turned around, throwing Diana a proud but small smirk.

  
  
And she did it well by the way. Ben didn't feel her fingers become heavy. A textbook way on how to open a peripheral IV.

  
  
Henry took a nod.

  
  
"Okay. I'll go get another IV kit." Diana said. Ben needed a band-aid too.  
  


-  
  
"You're really good at those." She told Ben as they walk back to the hallway.

  
  
"I was an airplane guy just like him when I was his age. I think we just like to know how things work." The small wound in his arm is already protected.

  
  
Again, weirdly handsome and charming. "The more you know." She murmured to herself. "By the way, I've already run out of eggs. I just bought a tray from the supermarket three days ago. Do you know anything about that?" She stopped walking.

  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about." His eyes wandering around, professionally avoiding her interrogating glare. "My carton of milk is already hallway empty. Do you anything about that?" He answered back with his own version of the question.

  
  
Funnily enough, the stay the night portion of their arrangement has become a frequent thing. It's slow. Very, very slow. But the accomplishments of their slow works are starting to pile up at their own places. Diana has her own toothbrush at Ben's bathroom (so does his at her place). And Ben's shirt is starting to collect at the lower part of her cabinet.

  
  
Did they mention that to each other? Hell no. And they have no plan to mention that elephant in the room.

  
  
"You owe me those eggs Ben."

  
  
"You owe me those _milk_ , Diana." He talked back.

  
  
Just across the hallway, in the nurse's circulation desk, their friends' are huddled together. Surveying the bickering two.

  
  
"What did he say?" Armie asked them, not quite hearing Ben's words.

  
  
"He said the she owes him the milk. Come on, keep up Armie." Poe supplied.

  
  
"Are they really getting worked up about... eggs and milk?" Rose narrowed her eyes in disbelief.

  
  
"It's Ben and Diana." Finn said it like his words are enough to answer her contemplation. "They fight like an old married couple."

Diana used to be on that side of the room. The one who used to talk smack at Ben Solo that Poe and Rose usually shushes. But now, the wheels have changed. Putting her _right in front_ of Ben. Being the one their friends watch from afar. They all saw that coming and bets are for sure passed around and paid when they witnessed it right before their eyes. Dr. Poe Dameron's wallet were full of ten twenty dollars as the day ended.

  
  
"Supermarket before home?" Ben firmly suggested.

  
  
"Sure." Diana agreed nonchalantly. "I need to buy some cinnamon too since I magically run out of that as well. Are you inhaling them by any chance?"

  
  
_Home_. She didn't even need to ask him what home is.  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you thank you so much for stopping by! ❤️❤️❤️
> 
> i hope that the significant development of their enemies to fwb to lovers relationship is not too fast or too slow.


	25. Life Imitates Art

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the first part of this chapter is filthy because i was listening to megan thee stallion and cardi b's new music while i was writing it 🥺
> 
> plus i had a dream two days ago that adam driver was christian grey. my brain cells were wilding.

**Chapter Twenty-Five: Life Imitates Art**

At Diana's, Ben has earned the title, " _Doctor Pretty_ " by the old woman tenant, Esther, at the main level of her apartment who always comes up with million excuses to get a hold of his arms. She couldn't blame the woman from heavily complimenting his shoulders with every chance she gets. _Because, same_. Diana thought. Esther even thought that Ben Solo is an army doctor from his strong, intoxicatingly masculine built.

**  
  
**

After some time, _Doctor Pretty_ has taken over Diana's regular check ups to the over-eager lady downstairs. The prescription medicine she's taking became a thousand times more effective ever since Ben did the honors.

**  
  
**

"She knows." Diana softly whispered one time to him as they took the stairs to reach her floor.

**  
  
**

_With Esther's terrifying raised brow at her while she told Diana that she "hopes that the doctor job is treating them alright because she have been hearing the two of them running around to go to her bedroom quick to catch a **rest** ", Diana didn't pretend that she didn't know what she was talking about and apologized profusely. Wishing and hoping that the Earth would open up and swallow her quick and easy._

_**  
  
** _

_"I am so so so sorry." Diana grimaced, her hands becoming clammy from embarrassment. "We'll keep it down."_

_**  
  
** _

_Esther comfortably smiled as she waved her apology off. "Don't worry about it too much, have sex as much as you want. When you can, while you can. With that redwood of a man hovering over you everyday, I understand the commotion upstairs." She winked._

**  
  
**

"Knows what?" Ben mirrored the quietness of her voice, clutching the stethoscope he pulled out a while ago.

**  
  
**

"She lives exactly below mine." Diana waited for them to reach the hallway before speaking again. Their playful and quirky foreplay of chasing each other around her apartment before fucking each other incredibly hard is undoubtedly heard below (upstairs too maybe, side to side as well). Her bedpost and the springs of her couch were real snitches too. "We're not being a quiet neighbor lately. My place is no penthouse, Ben. The poor woman must be traumatized."

**  
  
**

And that gave him a reason to make her stay at his place more often than intended.

**  
  
**

The clothes and the toothbrushes are one way to describe how they have come far. The right side of his double sink in the bathroom doesn't look so lonely and sparse anymore because Diana's favorite brand of night cream and toner are meeting his Serge Luten L'Eau aftershave lotion in the middle.

**  
  
**

Her side of his bed has already been occupied by her things; a case of her mouthguard that he noticed that she never really actually wears, a hand lotion that she proudly told Ben that was 10% off and spent 15 minutes shoving the tube up close to his nose to smell it and a battered copy of Jane Austen's Pride & Prejudice.

**  
  
**

But at his place, _phew_ , nothing is stopping Diana from screaming loud while she's being dicked down real nice by Ben Solo. The man has an unquanchable appetite for sex, it's insane. It's a cliché move, but a private elevator ride with intense (not really subtle) ass groping under camera surveillance is enough for them to fuck each other's brains out before they could even shed off their coats.

**  
  
**

It's like Ben is on a one-man mission to plow her at every corner of his penthouse, not leaving a centimeter of a space neglected. Even his bougie kitchen top has finally become dirty even _before_ the ingredients for the chicken picatta they were planning to make touched the surface.

**  
  
**

No, scratch that. He is on a one-man mission to plow her on every single thing he _owns_. Because as soon as they climbed out of his car after parking it in his private parking basement, he immediately spun Diana around. Chuckling darkly as he pushed her until the back of her calves touched the front of his car. Her ass slightly sitting at the warm hood of his Porsche.

"Ben," she giggled. Tendrils of his hair tickling her nose as he crouched down to bury his face on her neck. The sandalwood scent of his perfume enveloping her senses. "Can't you wait upstairs?"

**  
  
**

"Fuck _no_." His disagreement sounded strained and impatient. "Since you keep touching me like that the entire ride home, we're doing it here."

**  
  
**

"Those harmless touches on your knee?" With how she squeezed his knee and thigh for almost an hour, Diana was straightly lying through her teeth. "There are cameras here right?" Diana sweetly smiled, already cupping his hard bulge over his pants.

**  
** It was a clear signal that he can read miles away **.** "Don't act all cute and holy now Diana." Ben groaned, guiding her hand to press it harder against him before reaching for the button of her jeans. Her zipper letting out a metallic _ziiipppp_ as he pulled it down. "Go show them that gorgeous smile of yours when you saw one." **  
**

**  
  
**

There are no cameras. There's one after entering the basement and one at his elevator. But not at his own parking space. It's called private for a reason. 

**  
  
**

But even if there are cameras pointed at them now, Ben is fully convinced that it wouldn't slow her down from begging him to get plowed right there and right now. Ben said this already but he's going to say it again for reiteration. The thought of Diana being all professional and cutthroat surgeon then switching into this freaky, horny bitch once they're finally alone never fails to make him hard.

 **  
  
**Best of world words.

Just three days ago, while they were preparing to go to Alderaan Grace, they had a quick and filthy fuck in his walk-in closet. And he had this genius idea to turn her around to face the full-length mirror as he hit it from behind. _"I know you'll be anxious and fidgety if we're running late."_ His lips hovered in her ears while talking to her in the mirror. His knuckles gripped her elbows to hold her. All locked and ready. _"We'll make this quick."_

So he knows how Diana likes it when they're being watched. _Oh_ and the intense and wild eye contact was the cherry on top of it all.

**  
  
**

"Look at that." He knowingly hummed. His fingers found its way inside her panties, her wetness coating them pretty quickly. "And you said that you don't know what I am talking about?" 

**  
  
**

"Why Ben? Are you going to fuck me on the hood of your Porsche?" Diana excitedly grinned, pulling his cock out between the seams of his opened zipper. Using the velvety bead of his pre-cum to pump his cock. The tip of his cock already red and angry. Begging for her attention. 

**  
  
**

He aggressively pulled down her pants. The folded fabric bunched at the end of her ass. "I'm going destroy you on the hood of my fucking Porsche. Now turn around so I can do it." He held his waist to turn her around, his palm pressing her skin at the bottom of her spine to bend her down.

**  
  
**

Her legs are glued together as Diana arched her back, elbows on the hood to support her professionally arched hips. Ass up in the air. Pussy wet and ready for Ben Solo's hard cock. 

**  
  
**

Ben gripped the base of his dick, swiping his swollen tip up and down on her glistening folds. Violently tugging the bottom of lip as he stops himself from plunging all of it inside her all at one. "Do you want the tip?" The tone of his voice reached the ground. Dangerously and deliciously low for her own liking.

**  
  
**

"Yes." Diana turned her head around to look at Ben. Eyes already zeroing on her cunt. "I want the tip."

**  
  
**

"Only the tip?" He mused. Ben almost sounded like a purring jaguar. His prey ready to be mauled. Repeatedly tapping it against her. The sound of their wetness are obscenely heard with each slap.

There's no way in hell that Diana would only like the tip. She always wants more. She always wants harder. And faster. Ben didn't wait for her lie. His cock resisting the pressure of her tight pussy as he slid it in. Sighing in pleasure he felt her walls gripping him.

**  
  
**

She'll never, _ever_ , get used to his ginormous size. It's funny how Diana's eyes still go wild every time she catches a glimpse of his dick. Her poor mouth and throat don't know better either. It scares her and makes her pathetically horny at the same time.

**  
  
**

Ben's torso relaxed for a second when he pushed himself inside her before pulling out again. His hungry craving for her pussy has been satisfied for a little while. A test run. Smearing her juices all around her ass and labia with his cock before going in again.

His hands crept up in her spine until it reached the nape of her neck. Holding it tightly as he pushed her down more while the other held her forearm against her lower back. Keeping her in place as he pound her hard from behind. Her deep and erratic breaths fogging up the glossy jet black paint job of his car. 

**  
  
**

Ben Solo is an intelligent man. A goddamn _visionary_. He didn't want to order Diana to moan for him. He wanted to get it out from her without asking. He wanted to hear that high-pitched mewl came from the end of her tongue by snapping his hips with brute force that sends her forward. 

**  
  
**

Over and over and over again until her moans start to sound like angelic harp on his ears.

**  
  
**

"Oh my fucking God." She helplessly cried. Air getting knocked out of her in every word. "Ben, you're so _big_."

**  
  
**

"Damn right I am." He grunted, gritting his teeth. The way her tiny cunt swallows him makes him lose control. It drives him fucking insane, makes him act like a savage beast. "That's right baby—shit, take my big cock."

**  
  
**

The quick and fast ripples of her smooth skin of her ass with his deep thrust hypnotized him. The next thing he knows, his palm is raised and slanted, flying to her exposed skin to sharply smack it.

**  
  
**

And again. And again. And _again_.

**  
  
**

Diana had to close her eyes as she yelped everytime his gargantuan hand whipped her ass. The contrast of the cold air in the basement and the warm engine spreading on her abdomen make her sweat run ice cold. Her face became beet red.

**  
  
**

His eyes trailed down more to observe how his cock appeared and disappeared inside her. As he pulled back, his face crumpled with grunted mirth. The sides of his slick and pulsating shaft is coated with white, thick fluid. 

**  
  
**

Benjamin Organa Solo doesn't believe in heaven or hell. But when he saw her small cunt milked around his dick, he's convinced that maybe there is heaven somewhere stealthily hiding behind the clouds.

**  
  
**

He almost choked with his own chuckle. His vocal chords rough with every intake of jagged inhales. "You're creaming on my cock." His voice laced with heavy arousal and amusement. He lifted her left leg, folding it until her knee went up to the hood. Opening her to pierce her more. 

**  
  
**

"Touch yourself." Ben demanded fervently, grabbing a fistful of hair to pull her up. Giving her a generous space to do it.

**  
  
**

Her right hand snaked under her body. Her mewlings and whinings hitched inside her mouth as her sensitive nerves delectably consume her. 

**  
  
**

" _Oooh_ , fuck." Diana ragged. Still being relentlessly plowed from behind. "Keep going. Yes— _ah!_ Keep going Ben."

**  
  
**

Ben hunched forward, his chest touching her back as he put his weight on both of his palms. His chin digging on the crook of her neck. He couldn't give two fucks if he dented his car. He could ask the valet to send it to the car shop after they're done here.

**  
  
**

His thrusts became faster. _Rigorously_ faster. His primal grunts sent vibrations on her back. Her fingers rubbing her clit in a speed of light. Their skin lewdly slapping together obtrusively echoed around the basement. Their moans racing each other.

**  
  
**

Then everything stopped. Her fingers, his hips. Their breathing. It all came to a halt. Then the obscene epilogue came next.

**  
  
**

The intensity of their orgasms completely wear them down. As Ben let out a rattling, emptying groan, his chest pushed Diana down. His weight crushed her for a second. He didn't pull out right away, making sure that he filled her pussy up all the way until drops of his cum started to leak out. Making their way out of her, his hot seed thickly trickling to her slit. Painting his gold, red and black crest hood Porsche emblem _creamy_ _white_.

**  
  
**

The poor dark horse in the logo looked like it's running away from it. 

**  
  
**

Getting creampied at the hood of a luxury car was never in Diana's freaky bucket list. But it got ticked off by Ben when her juices smudged his vehicle.

* * *

"I think you don't have any other choice." Diana said, mouth foaming with bubbles of toothpaste. She didn't even pause to spit the peppermint flavored foam out of her mouth before talking. She opened the sink, water running freely. "It's only for one night. Hours even." Diana crouched down, her hand cupping the water to rinse.

  
  


In one month, Ben's father, Han, will come home. And Leia thought that it would be nice to conduct their traditional charity event for the organization they co-founded as a couple for the people with insufficient medical needs and attention in far-flung areas.

  
  


Ben is standing right next to her in the bathroom, on his own side of the sink. The bottom of his face was covered with shaving foam. He brought out his razor the moment he saw his 5 o'clock shadow forming.

They have been like this all night, Diana convincing Ben to act like he wasn't forced against his own will when they attend the party his mother planned.

"Did you just hear what I said?" Diana looked at his side to check up on him. Pulling out a long thread of dental floss. "I'll be there next to you. All of us."

  
  


His eyebrows crumpled with exasperation, the lines on his forehead ceased. "We'll be there for only 30 minutes, tops. I couldn't stay any longer than that." He negotiated with Diana, shaving the space between his upper lip and nose.

  
  


Ben hated going to those kinds of events where he would be put under a microscope. Especially now that it would be his first appearance as Benjamin Organa Solo after four years of disappearing into the thin air.

All eyes are going to be on him. 

  
  


He could already see his picture in the Washington Medical Association Newsletter, **_The Son Hath Returned_**. Face in neutral, eyes in a scowl. 

  
  


Ben has been dreading those stressful photocalls for as long as he can remember. Even now, he still has no fucking clue how to pose and where to put his hand.

  
  


But if he hated it, Han absolutely despised the whole picture thing. And for years, Leia has been (metaphorically) pulling her men's ears for a decent photograph. Now, the whole ear-pulling thing fell on Diana's hands.

  
  


The father-and-son duo like to do the work behind the curtain, keeping things seamless without any cameras documenting their every move. That made Leia the unofficial, but later official ambassador of their non-profit organization. 

  
  


Ben easily inherited Han's indignation with public gatherings. Especially the part where they have to inevitably make small talk to people they don't even know. Han and Ben like to take a while to decide whether or not they like a certain person before engaging in a conversation with them. Leia, on the other hand, fires her quick wit with everyone, making her the darling of the crowd.

  
  


Years ago, Luke Skywalker introduced his sister to the pilot that he met. The two didn't get along well at first. Leia thought that he was an egotistical and cynical pilot— stroking his own ego because he made his way to become a known pilot with no backup. And Han thought that she was a spoiled Beverly Hills girl that came along from a family of doctors. Career already given to her the moment she came out of Padmé Amidala's womb.

_Their meet cute is too familiar._

It wasn't a walk in the park, but Leia broke that hard, curmudgeon barrier Han put up. As it turned out, Han Solo has quite a way with words, managing to liberally quote philosophers in the conversations. 

  
  


And after having an argument over the most pointless and pettiest stuff they could come up with for the umpteenth time, they have come to the realization that they want to spend their lives together... The rest is history.

  
  


Ben can mope around and whine whenever he wants. But he knows damn well that if Leia told her to do something, he's going to do it sooner or later. Him singing a song every Christmas dinner when he was a kid in front of his Uncle Luke and the whole bunch of surgical doctors because she told her so was the prime evidence of how persuasive Leia is.

  
  


That's the best answer she's ever going to get from him. "Good. Rose and I already found something to wear. Huge waste of time and energy if I didn't get to wear it."

  
  


"What are you going to wear?" He grinned, raising his brows before shaving a part on his jaw.

  
  


"You'll be the first one to see it." She said before opening her mouth and started flossing.

  
  


"And the only one who will remove it from you." He added. Lips covering his teeth as he pulled his razor down to shave another line.

  
  


"Real smooth Ben." She made a face at his mirror. "Can't wait." Diana continued, pretending to be over excited.

\---

They spent the rest of the night in their usual routine. Ben resting his back on his dark upholstered headboard as he sits on his bed. The current issue of Annals of Surgery folded in his lap, eyes fastly reading the article that caught his attention. While Diana is laying on her stomach next to him, reading her aged copy of Pride & Prejudice. Her palms cupping her chin with her glasses sitting at the tip of her nose. Legs folded up.

  
  


The mandatory steaming cup of tea is brewing at her side of the bed. Hot steam curling on top of it. Ben knows that she wouldn't touch it for another 30 minutes, letting the tea bag that he bought during their grocery run be fully submerged in hot water. If Diana likes her coffee weak, she likes her green tea _strong_. Strong that sends her right to sleep without preamble.

  
  


Once she downed that cup of strong tea, nothing in the world could wake her up. When she's already in that deep, dead sleep, Diana likes to roll around. Ben had to lock and cage her in his arms to make sure that he wouldn't have any black eye in the morning.

  
  


Ben can't force himself to sip another tea again after being forced by Diana to try it (her hand holding his chin to stop him from moving around and everything). He couldn't teach himself to love the taste. _"Diana, it tastes like straight up garden grass."_ _He judged._

_"You can't criticize the taste of green tea, Ben."_ _Diana_ _bitterly defended. "You drink Seltzer Water for crying out loud. That equivalents on putting your tongue on a charger." She scoffed, insulting his old man preference._

  
  


Later on, his left hand went away from his lap. Like it have its own lives, his fingers find their way to reach the tips of her hair that fell on the sides of her face. Softly playing and twirling it. An involuntary action of his muscles. Like how he doesn't roll to that part of the bed anymore even when she's spending the night at her own place.

  
  


And then, Ben caught himself. The magazine is completely disregarded on his lap. He's watching her while he continued to touch her hair. Observing how her eyes effortlessly move across the pages. And how sometimes her eyes stay longer on a certain word to absorb it before repeating the same sentence again.

  
  


What else does he notice? Many things. The fact that she always smells the pages of her old book before reading. Literally putting her nose in the book to inhale the scent. And the fact that she gets so wrapped up and invested that she lets out these small reactions as a commentary– a grunt, a sigh, a small chuckle and an _aww._

Ben fell down into a rabbit hole, listing all the smallest things that he always sees her doing as he continued to longingly stare at her. 

  
  


"Look at this fucking _guy_." Diana giddily squirmed.

  
  


Her comment broke his trance, his eyes shifting back again to the discarded article that he didn't even know which part he left off. "Hmm?"

  
  


"Mr. Darcy's going to do it." A crimson blush crept up on her cheeks. "Do you want to hear it?"

  
  


He thought she was referring to him. "Sure. Why not?"

  
  


Diana propped up her elbows, fixing her position. "Ready?" She cleared her throat.

  
  


""In _an hurried manner, he [Mr. Darcy] immediately began an inquiry after her health, imputing his visit to a wish of hearing that she were better. She answered him with cold civility. He sat down for a few moments, and then getting up, walked about the room. Elizabeth was surprised, but said not a word. After a silence of several minutes, he came towards her in an agitated manner, and thus began:_

  
  
  


_'In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.'”_

  
  


She squealed, burying her face in the book before lifting it up again. "I don't have any romantic bone in my body but that part really made me weak."

  
It made him weak too.

Something inside him pulled a trigger. It all made sense to him.

The unexplainable feeling looming inside his chest when he opens his eyes every morning and she's the first thing that he sees.

The wide smile when he sees the short confusion in her face when she wears his medical coat instead of hers. 

  
  


The tingling sensation at the tips of his fingers when Diana likes to compare the size of their hands. Palm to palm. 

  
  


And that fucking _tea_. The tea that he hates so much but it wouldn't bother him to buy different boxes and different brands just to satisfy her tea obsession. 

  
  


The thought of _her_ cannot escape Ben. And there's not an ounce of regret in that conclusion.

  
  


He wants to experience those things over and over again. To be there right next to her. Always. In the morning when they wake up and in the night when they go to sleep.

  
  


Ben wants her. The girl who proudly declined his directions when they were rolling their first patient to the CT Scan room.

  
  


_My feelings will not be repressed._

  
  


It happened slowly, but the realization hit him all of a sudden. Sending chills down his spine, terrifying his soul. 

The cold bucket of epiphany has been dumped on his shoulders. The _L-word_ epiphany.

  
  


_You must allow me to tell you how ardently I—_

  
  


"Ben." Diana called. Her face etched with concern.

  
  


He heard her, he just didn't know how to respond. After a long beat, he finally replied. "Yes?"

  
  


"Are you okay?" She sat up, crossing her legs in front of her. _Tea time_. "It looks like the passage broke you. Are you good?"

  
  


At 10:32:10 pm, on the 41st floor of One Lincoln Tower in Belleuve, Washinton on a Friday, Ben Solo has been diagnosed with a severe case of lovebug. It's up to him on how he's going to act up on it.

"I'm okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i pictured the paterson morning hugs when ben solo did his epiphany enumeration thingy i—
> 
> im so sorry if the update took longer than usual. i got drowned by the ✨a n g s t✨ for the next chapter that i didn't feel like writing the fluff for this chapter for two days
> 
> i had so much fun writing this one. i hope you did as well 🥰 thanks for stopping by! i really, really really appreciate it. it's very exciting that we all tune it to the story


	26. Ignorance Is Bliss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> and so the denial (and pining) begin

**Chapter Twenty-Six: Ignorance Is Bliss**

Ben Solo was in fact, _not_ okay

  
  


His mind went into an override, the intensity of his enlightenment struck his whole mind and body with lightning and he was unable to sleep it out.

  
  


He waited for the magic of the tea to knock Diana out before climbing out of bed. He needed to unscramble his thoughts. And he needed to do it far away from her because the coconut scent of her hair averts his mind from doing so.

  
  


With cold bare feet, Ben padded down the stairs. He knew he wouldn't and _couldn't_ sleep with the realization he just had playing inside his mind. He poured himself three fingers worth of single malt scotch in a crystal decanter glass. _Maybe this will do the trick._

  
  


He made his way back upstairs, taking the opposite direction of his bedroom. Lights are unnecesary for him to find his way to the office, he could just follow the sleepless lights of Seattle already waiting for him in the room.

  
  


He didn't even say it to spell it out in his head when it occurred to him hours ago. And there are two entirely different reasons for that:

1\. Maybe if he didn't say or fully admit it to himself, there's a small chance that he can still go back to wherever he was before.

  
  


or

2\. Maybe he didn't say it because it's so powerful that it couldn't be converted into words.

  
  


It's like choosing which way to die: poison or knife

The first sip of his whiskey slipped across his tongue. Giving his throat a good and long burn. _That's some fine whiskey_ , he titled his head to the side. Turning the glass to stare at it for a second. "Just you and me for now", he whispered. Watching how the amber liquor glistened behind the intricately cut crystal.

  
  


Ben Solo didn't know where to start. To where to think first. It's a new sovereign for him, _that_ feeling. It made him completely defenseless in that moment, he felt seen. And it absolutely terrified the living hell out of him. Because for the very first time, a girl made him vulnerable.

  
  


The thing is, she wasn't even trying to put him in that situation. They've been in that kind of scenario hundreds of times now. Just lounging. But in their most mundate situation, he found out that he loves Diana. No fireworks, no rain, no slow-motion. His heart just went: _Oh and by the way, you_ _love_ _her._ Then dipped.

  
  


Ben leaned back on his executive chair, sporting his patented scowl as he nursed his drink. His eyebrow insultingly raised as he stared at The Needle. Even if he untangled his dilemma, the idea is already planted inside his head. And it will just continue to branch out, claim its territory in his mind and anchor its roots.

  
  


Apparently romantic epiphanies are short-lived. The magic will wear out for a few minutes. Like a bad drug that would only give a broke college kid a good high in the beginning then drag the person to their longest and worst trip of their lifetime. 

  
  


He closed his eyes, chastising himself. Perhaps for him, it's short-lived because it wasn't in the plan. They have their each others words about what they are: sexually deprived, first-year surgical interns who just fuck each other hard in their free time. 

  
  


Ben couldn't help to roll his eyes and throw his head back in annoyance at his own thought. Because deep, deep inside his subconscious, he knew that he entered their agreement with something already building up in him. And now, that build up that he completely disregarded grew into something strong and inevitable. It's not politely knocking at his door anymore, it cleanly punched it down. Leaving him to confront and stare at it face-to-face.

  
  


_Fucking hell_ , Ben groaned, feeling the need to sip again. He's really treating it like it's a freaking internal disease. Unfortunately for him, science and medicine can't help him on this one.

  
  


" _Why can't you just have a normal conversation with her?"_ Armie's voice echoed in his mind. When he looked down on his drink, he was taken back to their first week of their internship. 

  
  


It was the week after his appendectomy and her successful diagnosis of their unusual patient.

  
  


Ben began to retrace his steps.

  
  


_He knitted his brows in confusion and annoyance. "Who?"_

  
  


_Armie only scoffed at his painted confusion and tilted his head to her direction. Diana was talking with Poe and Rose, her eyes were filled with so much vibrancy. Ben was secretly listening to her as she gushed about the beauty of the city. How it was the complete opposite in California where the sun is always glaring down at them. Then the conversation transfered something about Poe's childhood mischief._

_"I don't even know where I got the idea that I was Russian." Poe said, enjoying the feeling that he's making his new friends laugh._

_"Are your family Russian?" Rose genuinely asked him._

_"Nope." He scratched his nose. "I was born in Guatemala. My dad's Cuban. But for some reason I remembered showing up in kindergarten and was like, "Guys I'm the—I'm Russian. And then I went home and I asked my dad if were Russian and he was like, "What?""_

_"There's nothing to talk about." He removed his glare at her. "You know I don't bullshit people in my spare time."_

  
  


_Only after a week, he's good friends with Poe and Rose already. But because that Standford girl and him had a rather unpleasant introduction with one another, their towering egos and ugly perceptions with one another stunted any development. Personally and professionally._

  
  


_But no matter how pissed and vexed Ben said he was, he was still finding a moment to listen to her in a safe distance. Like a fucking creep, he already knew that it was easy as a 1,2,3 to make her laugh. The stifled laugh Poe made before he could even tell his story coaxed a wheezing, out of breath shriek from her._

_He had kept on provoking her on extreme measures just to have an interaction with Diana because that was the best thing that he could do from their situation without destroying the façade that he created for her._

  
  


_It's been there all along. All of their friends knew months before he did._

  
  


**_Armie_ ** _knew the moment when Diana caught the elevator before. He never saw Ben do a double-take at a sight of a girl before._

  
  


**_Rose_ ** _got the idea when she mentioned Diana's name into their conversation into the conversation and his stance changed all of a sudden._

  
  


**_Finn_ ** _asked them many times to make sure that they're not dating and really, genuinely fighting. Because in the heat of their arguments, he feels that he needs to leave the room real quick because something is about to go down._

  
  


_And_ **_Poe_ ** _, he called it at the very beginning. He knew that Ben was drawn to Diana the first time they lounged together as a group in their designated hallway when they were brainstorming._

  
  


Out of all the contrast love and hatred have, there's one thing that binds the two concepts together. It's passion. And that passion he had to go from the _other side_ of the line without him knowing it.

  
  


He pulled back in reality. The poor bastard is going through the phases all at once. Ben didn't even realize that his glass is already clean. 

  
  


Ben Solo is a fucking mess. Thoughts and feelings are all over the place. 

  
  


He slowly got up from his seat and walked out of his office. 

  
  


A three-fingers worth of whiskey never hit him this bad before. Ben let out a silent, humorless laugh. He doesn't even know himself anymore.

  
  


He reached the threshold of his bedroom, looking at Diana from afar. Her arms are sprawled out at his side of the bed. She rolled in the middle, her body fully taking over his bed.

  
  


_This is not fair_ , Ben complained inside his head. It's not fair that he felt it and there's absolutely nothing that he could do about it. Because they don't have the kind of relationship Finn and Poe and Armie and Rose have, he couldn't say it freely and expect Diana would say it back with her lips in a smile and everything would be sunshine and rainbows.

  
  


That's not their story.

  
  


He knows better. And Ben knows Diana best. So the moment those frightful three words came out of his mouth, Diana would be out of his sight before he could even finish saying _Carotid Endarterectomy_. 

  
  


He went down again. After realizing things tonight, he couldn't persuade himself to get back to the room and lay next to her. It's like he opened a can of worms. Ben suddenly became too conscious of his own actions. The cold bed in the guest room downstairs is appropriate for him. 

  
  


It's all new to him. Ben never felt such strong longing with another person before.

  
  


The whirlwind of emotions confused him.

  
  


He's _sad_ because he knows that this won't end up well at any given angle.

  
  


He's _angry_ at himself because he didn't notice that he was into too deep and already lost control.

  
  


And he's _scared_. He's scared that he will just continue to fall in love with her every single day and he doesn't have any choice but continue to be silent about his feelings.

  
  


It's a dead end because Ben couldn't even entertain the idea to end it with her. 

  
  


The aftermath of the whiskey and his exhaustion began to settle. He didn't remember how he catch his sleep. But minutes before closing his eyes, there's one thing looming over his head.

  
  


"I wished I didn't realize it."

* * *

It's one of those melancholic days. Where there's one person in the group who's under the weather and sooner or later, the whole group will slowly catch that feeling that person has.

  
  


The morning briefing is slow. The coffee didn't do any good for Poe as he''s been yawning every minute. It's a domino effect, tempting Rose to do the same– open her mouth and inhale deeply. 

  
  


Other than that, Kanata's babies are incomplete. The resident surgeon is short of one tall man with a dashing jet black hair and one redhead, pale man. She's ready to give those two boys a piece of her mind later if they have any intention to save their careers.

  
  


"Tico, present." 

  
  


Rose took center stage, standing on the side of the patient's bed to begin her briefing. "Henry Maul, 58. History of heart disease and multiple surgeries. In for a beating quadruple CABG."

  
  


Out in the hall, Diana heard hurried whispers.

  
  


_"I'm telling you, that's not the hill you want to die on."_

  
  


She heard an impatient hush. _"Stop trying to make this about me."_

  
  


The room is then filled with another two interns, Kanata's lost interns. "Solo. Hux. Nice of you two to join us." She greeted. Looking peeved as she stared at the two.

  
  


"Why keep the heart beating?" She continued, quizzing the doctors who have no idea about the patient's information as they just walked in after Rose's briefing.

  
  


The two awkwardly shuffled from side to side, only giving their resident a stifling silence. They got nothing.

  
  


"No?" Kanata chided. "Solo?"

  
  


Silence. A slight, shy shook of the head.

  
  


"Hux?"

  
  


"I don't know ma'am."

  
  


The older doctor turned to Diana, "Montgomery, why do we need to keep the heart beating?"

  
  


She looked at the two before answering. They are really trying their best to find something interesting at the floor, intentionally not catching her gaze. "Stress reduction because of the previous surgeries. The scar tissue is too deep so it means that the heart is too weak to start up again so we can only immobilize the portion we're working on and we leave the rest of the heart on its own."

  
  


Kanata seemed satisfied. It was supposed to be Ben Solo's assistance case. But because he had some other matters to attend, it was passed on Diana. She gave the intern a long look to let him know that. "Welcome to the case Dr. Montgomery." 

  
  


"Thank you doctor."

  
  


The resident bowed her head towards Rose to continue the protocol.

  
  


As Rose asked the patient if he had any question about the procedure, Diana turned her head to side to give Ben a playful grin. It's an obvious steal surgery and she wanted to dangle it in front of his face. But she can't do a victory, evil smile because Ben is not returning the look. Staring straight ahead at Rose as she carried on with her explanation.

  
  


It's one of those days.

\--

  
  


Diana draped the tubing of her stethoscope to the nape of her neck. It was a success, but every scrub-in with Dr. Enric Pryde is a stress-fest. _How does Ben do it?_ Diana wondered.

  
  


She stopped to look at the surgical board. Taking a moment to think as she stared blankly at the board, her hand massaging the muscle in her neck and shoulder.

  
  


Three months from now, they will take their final internship examination. And from then on, their names will appear on the resident tab on the board. The first year of their residency program felt so fast that they didn't have the time to pause for a while and realize it.

  
  


The sound of skidding shoes pulled Diana back to reality before the time existentialism broke her. Flop of red hair bouncing up and down as her pasty co-intern jogged towards her.

  
  


"Hey Diana, have you seen Ben?" He asked in a hurry.

  
  


She shook her head, taking his disappearance as a normal occurrence. With his height, Ben doesn't have the luxury of many hiding spots. "Uh no, I haven't." She peeled off her eyes to the board and put to Armie, remembering the words she overheard hours ago.

  
  


Her body followed, turning towards him. "Is...everything alright?" Diana asked cautiously. It's not her business to know what's going on between them.

  
  


Because in the past few days, Diana noticed that Ben seemed off. It wasn't that bad, but there was always something occupying his mind. Diana knows that she doesn't have the power to force him to open up. But she made it perfectly clear to him that she's willing to listen and understand if he decided to let her in. 

  
  


"Yes. Everything is fine." He replied hastily. "I've got to go. I'll see you around okay?"

  
  


"Armie," She held his wrist. "You know you can talk to me with everything right?" 

  
  


He paused and took a deep look at her. And only for a split second, it seemed like Armie was about to say something to her. But because Diana blinked, she missed it. A warm, familiar smile tug his lips. "I know, Diana."

  
  


It's only the beginning.

\--

Is her back being blown out at the hood of his Porsche the last of it?

  
  


If the whole month with Ben Solo has been an entire bliss of just fucking and eating each other out, this whole week is an opposite one. It feels like a fever dream. A very bad, sweaty one. Though they are sleeping in the same bed now, Ben became distant than ever.

It's because they're not sleeping together at the same bed now and Diana has no idea.  
  


On Monday, she didn't find him around the hospital except on going home. Then "going out" to run some errands about the party only after an hour of getting back home. Diana waited longer than she anticipated on his bed.

  
  


On Tuesday, he was awfully quiet as they ate their reheated tikka masala.

  
  


On Wednesday, he fully spaced out while she was telling him the story Rose told her earlier that day. That Armie was shrugging her off for days now. Acting aloof all of a sudden with no explanation. (Rose has a feeling that Armie's cheating but Ben said right away that Armie's not the cheating type... Defending his honor)

  
  


On Thursday, he just straight up dropped Diana from the entrance of the condominium and went away again without getting out of his car. " _Last minute arrangements for the party"_ he said. And he didn't get back until past midnight.

  
  


But why does her guts tell her that he's far from doing any of that party errands he was telling her?

  
  


The silence between them became stuffy. Uninviting to say the least. Party arrangements could make a person frustrated and stressed out. Not unresponsive and taciturn.

  
  


She could see them in the distance, Armie, Ben and Poe in the circulation desk huddled like forming a game plan. Their shoulders are hunched over, stances are careful. _Cautious_. Like boys passing over trashy, dirty pictures like baseball cards. And Diana almost assumed that that's what they're doing.

  
  


_Almost._

  
  


Poe's head shot up. It flickered with short, subtle surprise before dipping his head again. And funnily enough, their backs immediately went straight. Obnoxiously coughing as Diana got close to them.

  
  


"So what do you use?" Poe asked rather loudly. Pushing his voice to be heard clearly on her radius. "Like twist drill or something?" 

  
  


Diana is shocked at how Armie fled the scene quickly. She's sure that he saw her opening her mouth to greet him, but he didn't even give her a chance to do so. _How did he move so fast?_

  
  


"Uh, no." Ben answered, he sounded like he's badly reciting a line from a play. "Not if you don't want a partial parietal hematoma."

  
  


By the time she reached the desk, everyone was gone except for Ben. 

  
  


"What did you tell them?" Diana is anxious, but she managed to play it off. It doesn't feel comfortable to joke around him. "They looked like they saw a dead girl walking when they saw me coming over here."

  
  


But Ben is not in the mood to join her playfulness. "They were just fucking around." He responded dismissively, making himself busy. Intentionally avoiding any eye contact with her.

  
  


"Is the "fucking around" specifically pointed towards me?" She pushed the context of their formation as she squinted her eyes. If their last act is to divert her attention to somewhere else, they didn't do a good job. It's like they acted bad on purpose. "Did you tell them about—"

  
  


"What?" Ben hissed, face etched in genuine perplexity. And then, he snapped. He looked down on her like she's up to no good and he's _done_ putting up with her.

"Why are _you_ even here?" His voice sounded so cold. Sharp cold that Diana felt like it stabbed her right across her chest. 

  
  


Diana pushed her shoulders back far from him, astounded at his question. The way he delivered his words with so much contempt petrified her. 

  
  


He carried on like her reaction wasn't enough from him. "Don't you have any rounds to do right now? You _shouldn't_ be here." He sounded extremely pissed.

  
  


And today is Friday. He just straight up looked so,,,agitated at her. His body language is telling her that he's not pleased that she's there right now. Ben doesn't treat Poe and Armie like this so it means that he's really acting negative towards her only.

  
  


It took a while for her to realize what has been going on with Ben. She blinked, letting the pain sink in deeper. _Oh wow, it's done isn't it?_

  
  


"Okay." She chuckled humorlessly, shaking her head. _I can't even believe I reached this point. Me, asking Ben Solo why is he acting cold and aloof towards me. He could be cold and aloof for all I care._ "I'm just here to tell you that your patient's biplane abdominal radiography came. It showed a foreign body."

  
  


Diana practically threw the medical binder at his face. The hard plastic letting out an ugly rattling against the counter. 

  
  


He pretended that he didn't see her semi-violent action, carrying on with his gig. "Did Kanata tell you what are we going to do with the patient?" He talked slowly, feet and torso pointing away from her entire being. Telling her to don't get too close.

  
  


"Sigmoidoscopy then proceed with manual extraction. Put two and two together, Dr. Solo." Her words are frigid. Maintaining a professional stance even though Ben casually told her to fuck off.

\--

Diana is flying out of Alderaan Grace when the clock strike eight. She didn't have the strength to look back at the institution as her feet briskly took her to the bus station.

  
  


This is what she's been fearing. The pain coursing through her veins, prickling her entire body. She has become so attached with Ben that a slight change of his actions bothered her in the utmost sense.

  
  


The rage is making her feel dizzy and exhausted. She's mad at herself and at Ben. Mad at herself because she knows how being over-sensitive she is right now and she has no idea how to stop. And mad at Ben for acting such a prick for no reason.

  
  


She walked at the most end of the bus. Diana closed her eyes to find solace because she just realized that she just became one of those _"it's not what you said, it's just you said it"_ type of woman.

  
  


Is it because of that stupid surgery? She began to find the culprit of his treatment. _No, Diana stop it._ She immediately told herself. Trying her best to do an internal pep-talk. _You know that you didn't do anything wrong. So stop finding the wrong in yourself._

  
  


Diana is a whole cesspool of emotions. It's a mess. _Why am I acting like he cheated on me? If he is, which he probably does, I couldn't find two fucks to give if he's driving around the city just to fuck someone else._

  
  


She absolutely hated feeling like this; the confusion, the unexplainable anger and the pinching pain at her chest. She shouldn't even feel those things in the very first place. Because no matter how far and how high things are now between her and Ben, they're only hooking-up.

  
  


It felt like she'd been ghosted. The universe accumulated all the times she ghosted someone and threw the karma at her like a big snow ball at her face with no ceremonies. 

_Ah, so this is what it feels like._

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that guatemalan bit was from oscar isaac's funny moments on youtube!
> 
> i looked at the date today and found out that i've been writing this story for two months straight now 😳 where did the time go?
> 
> when i updated the chapter 15th of this story i thought that i should wrap it up at chapter 25 because i need to be quick because the readers might lose interest due to the length and pacing. but seeing your lovely comments, reads and kudos pushed me to go for my original plan  
> so thank you much for sticking around. 💕💕💕


	27. When Push Comes to Shove

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt:
> 
> "Don't beat around the fucking bush Ben. If you want this done and over with just say the magic words." Diana rolled her eyes. Throwing her arms in the air at how stupid those words sounded. 
> 
> Across her, on the other side of the kitchen island, Ben stopped pacing. His hand slowly raised, fingers curling as it disappeared under his pocket of his coat.
> 
> She has the right to know after all.

**Chapter Twenty-Seven: When Push Comes to Shove**

It felt like Diana carried a dark heavy cloud at the back of the bus. The bleak, drizzling rain pattering in the window amped up the tightening and heavy feeling goading dancing around her chest. 

When a person feels a brimming emotion, it clouds their judgement. They're not in the right state of mind to act as a therapist on themselves; pause for a while and ask themselves— what's wrong? and do you feel about that? 

They wallow. They tend to overplay their emotions to hurt themselves more. It's one of the human errors medicine has no cure.

So she didn't question why she felt so upset on Ben giving her a cold shoulder. She has the leisure to think about that some other time. 

Diana perfectly knows the concepts and theories of that subject. She's a neurosurgeon in the making. She knows what part of her brain works as of the moment and which is completely shut off. But for once, she wanted to bask that human error for a moment with any medical explanation to the side.

She even went far to think if she's not supposed to go to that Organa-Solo charity party for next week. Ben, for sure, wouldn't have any difficulty in finding her alternate. He could just showcase his eager, inviting, glossy magazine worthy-look to those interns at the hospital and he's already set. 

That's not the case for her, sadly. If Armie and Rose made amends, they'll be each other's dates. Finn and Poe are sure to walk together. It's maybe the small amount of introvertness in her but Diana doesn't have the courage to walk all alone in that kind of gathering where the huge names and intimidating medical legends are prancing around the room.

She didn't have the energy to pull out her earbuds and blast some AC/DC for fuel rage. Diana only wanted to watch how the raindrops slide on the glass as she planned her whole sad, Friday night. Maybe tonight she'll be able to finally do the Penne alla Vodka pasta she has been dying to make. Impeccable timing as well. _"Or just vodka"_ , she tilted her head to the side as she entertained her own suggestion. 

And truthfully, watching something in the deep ends of the cable TV about some human marrying a car or a ferris wheel sounded so good tonight. 

The train finally pulled over at her stop, it's only a quick walk to King Street Station. Her deep and almost sorrowful thinking made her forget to pull out her umbrella. 

"Shit." Diana muttered, looking down as she semi-aggressively pulled out of her tote. It's not a very bright idea to find your umbrella when you're stepping out of the bus.

But before she could reach for it deep down in her bag, the raindrops magically repelled her entire body. Diana thought that the sky is doing her a favor due to her situation.

When she looked up to confirm her theory, she realized that it's not the sky she should be thanking for.

The words of her gratuity should be said to the large man with an evidently annoyed and confused face holding an umbrella on top of her. The man who's been leaning on the door of his car for thirty-three minutes now as he waited for her bus to pull up. Because as soon as he realized that Diana left the premises of Alderaan Grace without him, he floored his Porsche before she could even reach the train station.

An annoyingly genius move for Ben Solo.

Diana quickly stepped out of the coverage of his umbrella, frantically yanking her inside her bag. It didn't budge, not cooperating on her idea. What's the small amount of rain on her hair and coat? The last thing she needed tonight was owing Ben something.

"Hey." Her sudden action creased his eyebrows. Ben really had the audacity to put on a _"wait, are you mad?"_ face when Diana easily walked past him without an ounce of recognition. "Hey, why don't you slow down for a second?"

"No."

"What are you, twelve?" He threw an insulting rhetoric at her response. From the stunt she pulled, Ben is growing more and more frustrated. But his frustration didn't stop him from following her to cover her figure with his working umbrella for a second.

It's bubbling again, her unexplainable rage. "Home." She simply said, goading Ben. "My place." Diana pointed out.

"Oh, come on." Voice filled with aggravation as he continued to chase her. Throwing his head back. "Could you please get in the car?" 

For the commuters, they looked like they’re playing a speed-walking game. For other commuters, they looked like a couple fighting.

"Solo, please." She scoffed, giving her umbrella another yank. You're supposed to have my back on this one. "You don't have to do this. I'm going home." She didn't stand a chance from far away from him. Her three steps are just one stride to him.

"What the fuck is going on right now?" They're both getting stressed out in front of the station. "Could you just please get in the car and we'll talk this out? Diana—" His free hand reached out to stop her from moving.

Not really a good idea to touch a fuming woman who doesn't like to be covered with his umbrella.

" ** _Don't._** " She glared at him, the word darted out of her mouth like a lethal dagger Ben couldn't dodge. Swiftly moving her elbow around before he had the chance to hold it.

_Why is this dumbass acting like he just didn't want me out of his sight hours ago?_

"Okay." Ben immediately raised his hand in defense. To show her that he's not touching her. Seeing her upset made him so anxious. "Alright."

"I'm not dense, you know. You can just say it to me." She paused, obviously not thinking her next words. "So why don't you say it to me right now so I could go home now?”

The stress and perturbation made Ben snap. "Say wha—get in the _fucking_ car, alright?" He stepped in front of her, blocking her way. Playing an exasperated side-step shuffle with Diana.

There was an unpleasant silence. "I'm sorry, but Jesus, just get in the fucking car." He exasperatedly continued.

She stopped moving. The sound of her loud thumping heartbeat reached her ears.

Diana didn't even get that far, she couldn't take a single step without wincing due to her bruised inner thighs and hips, compliments of Ben fucking Solo of course. With only a scratched-up back, her work by the way, he has no difficulty to saunter.

Un-fucking-fair.

It was the longest, most uncomfortable car ride ever. And Ben should be thankful that Diana sat still when he kept driving forward, missing the turn to her apartment. 

But should he be really thankful though? Armie once told Ben that Rose throwing a fit is better than doing the ruthless cold treatment. And because the two stupid Harvard boys were acting annoyingly unusual the whole week criminally out of the blue, them experiencing the cold treatment was reasonable.

The tension was suffocating that it almost pushed them both to crack open a window. But because their unforgiving egos controlled them, no one dared to move. 

Diana didn't hum a song. Ben didn't tap his steering wheel or ask her if she already tried [this food]. 

Ben is too focused on driving, staring straight ahead on the road. Forbidding himself to think of anything other than achieving to reach his place.

She crossed the threshold of his place in an unfriendly manner, not bothering to shed her wrapped peacoat. If tonight is really the night that they'll call it quits, she's going to spare the two of them the awkward unbearable silence that they would share as she is to put on her coat back.

Because what Ben did, putting her in his own space, was a power move. It gave him the sense of control in their situation because he is in the comfort of his place. Everything Diana touches and looks at belongs to him. Sure, she has a few trinkets lying then and there. But she knew that it didn't make it less of his home.

Diana walked straight to the kitchen, helping herself a glass of water. Their whole chasing, petty verbal attack rigamarole at the station parched her. She could wash it thoroughly later. In just a few seconds, she downed the tall glass of cold water.

And when she turned around to the kitchen island, she's faced with a tall, handsome glass of Ben Solo across the marbled, excessively expensive island. He also didn't remove his coat. But his wool and cashmere trench coat is opened, semi-wrinkled denim shirt peeking. Sporting his stressed out-doctor look as he stared at Diana carefully, waiting to hear something from her.

_I will not talk first_ , she just stared back nonchalantly, holding the empty glass. Diana can resist that tired, almost bedroom eyes from him boring at her. 

"You're mad at me."

_Ding! Ding! Ding! And The crowd goes wild!_

A stifled, empty chuckle escaped from her lips. It sounded very condescending. A satirical congratulations at Ben's excellent observations skills. 

Ben took a rattling inhale as he shifted. Diana is not talking, so he's just completely relying on her actions. "You're mad at me because I was an asshole earlier." He tried again.

He was a grade-A asshole all week alright, but it didn't make it easier to Ben. He has no fucking idea how argument like this works. A serious argument with a woman (that he’s idiotically in love with nonetheless).

They have fought about tons of diagnosis, patients, surgeries, flirty interns, milk, eggs, their mere existence. Almost everything. But this one is vastly different, it's personal.

Diana is taking her time. There are so many words pending in her mind that she could throw at him. None of them are any good, just pure acid of hatred. 

And now that she got a good look at him, she learned that he's also having a hard time doing this. He's all over the place- his hair is in slight disarray because he kept on running his fingers over it repeatedly. 

"No Ben." She put the glass down. He got that one wrong. Diana can tolerate an asshole Ben Solo, that's how she met him. She is one of the very few experts at handling his asshole nature. "You were being a very difficult man all week. You were avoiding me."

"I was." No further supporting sentence. He's doing that one question-one answer thing. Ben is intricately choosing his words.

She pursed her lips. _Be civil now Diana_. "Were you really doing party errands all week?"

His miniscule nod answered her question before he could say a word. "I wasn't."

_Called it._ Diana raised her hands as her unpleasant intuition was confirmed. "Will I ever know what you were doing for almost seven days? Or you'll just leave the rest to my own imagination?" She carried on.

This time, he completely did a full-stop of answering her questions and started pacing left and right. His confident, alpha-male vibe is not at a hundred percent. The control of the room is strangely far away from his hands.

In conclusion, Ben's nervous. And it's not a daily thing to see him like that.

"Don't beat around the fucking bush Ben. If you want this done and over with just say the magic words." Diana rolled her eyes. Throwing her arms in the air at how stupid those words sounded. 

Across her, on the other side of the kitchen island, Ben stopped pacing. His hand slowly raised, fingers curling as it disappeared under his pocket of his coat.

She has the right to know after all. 

As she trudged across to his kitchen earlier, Ben made a quick detour upstairs to grab something inside his drawer. If Diana was nosy enough to pull the top drawer of his bedside table for seven days, maybe they weren't having this talk right now.

Her mind took a while to catch up to register the thing Ben pulled out from his coat. Diana is not stupid to not know what it is, but she's painfully skeptical that her brain shut down when she realized what it is.

The famous teal (The trademarked 1837 Blue by the Pantone Matching System) box that looked ridiculously tiny between his fingers is a dead giveaway.

Not _that_ magic word.

Her soul ascended. She just stopped functioning. Diana didn't do the "hand in the mouth" action because she felt her bones become heavy. One light poke at her and she would certainly disintegrate. 

If Ben walked around the island bent his knee before opening it, Diana would've told him to stand back up again before his knee fully touched the floor. Then go ahead and flail herself at the balcony since it's the quickest escape.

_Oh my god, tell me this is not happening._ Her mind yelled _. Is this what rich, clueless men do when they have a disagreement with women? Whip out a—_

Without any words, Ben unconcernedly opened the box. In all its glory, perfectly standing between the dark velvet cushion, is the three carat [Tiffany Soleste Oval Halo](https://www.tiffany.com/engagement/engagement-rings/tiffany-soleste-oval-halo-engagement-ring-with-a-diamond-platinum-band-GRP10886/) engagement ring with a diamond platinum band encrusted with pave diamonds. Diana almost got blinded by the masterfully oval cut center stone. 

"What do you think?" His voice sounded like those generic wealthy people's voice when they saw their guest admiring their Fabergé egg sitting at their mantlepiece and they're acting like it's no big deal. Because it is really not a big deal to them. She wouldn't even stagger for a bit if she found out that Ben's family has one or two of those. 

It's his cool, nonchalant demeanor that restarted her brain. "Are you _fucking_ kidding me?" Her words sliced the air around them, flabbergasted and extremely irritated at the same time.

Her eyes glanced at the direction of the main door and Ben saw that. It's only then that he realized that he gave a different story on the other side of the kitchen island. _She’s looking for a way out._

"I—it's not for you." Ben said the first thing in his mind. His shoulders uncomfortably tensed "Oh shit! Fuck, no— it's not...I'm not asking—" 

"Jesus H Christ. What the fuck Ben?!" Diana is palpitating, she is on the brink of crying. "Are you trying to kill me?"

The two simultaneously broke into a panic hurricane. Diana is throwing her hands, emotions uncontrollably flowing out. Easily blocking her airway.

Meanwhile Ben couldn't form coherent sentences to tell her that he is not proposing. I _diot!_ Ben wanted to hide and scream for an hour. He just realized that he's in love with her two weeks ago, and ignored her for almost a week. And now he accidentally proposed to her. Ben's is really going off the rails.

"Shit. I didn't mean to scare you, I'm sorry. This is not mine." He put the box down on the countertop. The charming box suddenly felt scorching hot that would give his hand third degree burns. 

Diana is still pacing back and forth, her right palm is pressed against her forehead. Her chest is uncontrollably heaving, gathering as much air as possible to prevent herself from falling unconscious on the floor. "Ben, showing a Tifanny to your fuckbuddy is the scariest thing in the world. What were you thinking?"

She had every right to be mad. It was not a fun scare. "I know. It wasn't my intention." His eyes became melancholic. Downcast. "It's Armie's."

Her feet stopped tottering.

"The ring was the reason why I've been off this week." He took her silence as a go. "Armie was supposed to propose to Rose tonight. I had to do something about it."

"Tonight?" Diana arched her brow. "That's too early. Rose and him are only dating for—"

"Nine months." They said at the same time. Agreeing on something for the first time tonight.

"Exactly." Ben said, the awkwardness in the air is slowly making its way out. "I was, well, not talking him out of it completely. I was just convincing him to wait for another three more months."

So that's what the "huddle" was all about. The words she overhead during the briefing made perfect sense now. They were talking about the proposal. Diana can finally look down at the ring without taboo. Because come on, that's a beautiful diamond ring. "Poe knew about all this?"

Ben slowly moved to the side of the island, slowly closing their formal distance. "He did. Armie was very resilient on his decision that I needed to ask for help."

"Rose," Diana voiced out her thoughts. "Married? She still has plans." She couldn't blame Armie if he wanted to get down on one knee and do the whole "Will you marry me?" thing at her. Rose is the loveliest person Diana ever met. The future gynaecology surgeon is the walking ray of sunshine in this grey-clouded city. She's as sweet as the pastries she's bringing for them.

He understood her visible confusion. It's no doubt that their friends are perfect for each other. They could be the perfect Hollywood on-screen and off-screen couple because their relationship is like a whole rom-com film. But it's too fast. And just like Diana said, she has plans. They all have.

Ben has been telling that to Armie for five days. Seeing his friend being overly smitten with Rose, Ben felt a little better about his own situation. _At least I'm not planning to ask Diana to marry me_. Until earlier, which was a complete accident. "I had to fight him to get that ring as far away as possible from him because I know that he wouldn't think twice to ask Rose to marry him when he got the chance. I told Armie numerous times that he could take his time. Rose is not leaving him."

And it gave him the perfect excuse that he needed to be distant from Diana. But he would leave that part of the narrative of course.

"The fucker even prepared everything in a week before telling it to me." Ben playfully scoffed. Trying to make their talk lighter. "The restaurant, the speech, the place where he'll do it, the ring. He had it all planned out until we stopped him." He regained his strength to pick up the box. 

And then he saw it, the small smile as indicated that she not that mad anymore. "Let me guess, Finn knew as well." Because Finn only told sporadic words when Rose was telling her suspicions.

Ben pursed his lips as he inclined. "Finn knew too."

"So the three of you decided to ban me in your little boys only plan?" Her eyes interrogatively narrowed behind her glasses.

"You tell Rose everything." Ben lightly defended. Except for their thing. "And we all thought of keeping the coast clear before telling it to you." He knows that Diana would act all weird and distracted if they told her Armie's plan earlier and that wouldn't be good on Rose. Her suspicion of Armie's alleged infidelity due to his strange behavior was enough casualty.

"Armie is so bad at keeping his cool." Diana opened the topic. "How is he going to explain his actions to her?" 

"What do you suggest?" Not only for Armie but also for himself. So he can also keep his cool around her.

"A genuine confirmation from him that there's no third party involved." She hummed, thinking it through. "I don't know, I'm the last person to consult for relationship advice. I always go with 'say the truth even though it sucks'."

"It's their 9th month anniversary tonight. He could just tell her that that's what's keeping him guarded all week. Technically it's true." He said, gently playing with the lid of the box.

"If there's a hint of truth in that then I guess it's good." She shrugged. "Like you said, he will ask the question after three months."

"Maybe a day or a week after we passed our internship exam." Ben added to her last sentence. 

Ben gently took a moment, reading the room before talking again. "Hey." He called out to her. 

"What?" Diana asked in response, matching the one-syllable tone of his voice. Low and inviting but with the purest intentions of consolidation.

"I'm sorry." How could this man say an apology with so much passion? It felt like it really came from his heart because Ben knew what he's sorry for. "I'm sorry for being a difficult man and an irredeemable asshole this week." 

Diana smiled again as Ben put their distance at three feet. He didn't realize how much he longed being this close to her. Ben missed Diana.

_Come on, you're being too easy now._ She scrutinized herself. "Just tell me what's going on next time. I hate to be in the dark. And give me a heads up when you're about to be a dick for a week."

_If only it's that easy_. He exhaled a short air of chuckle. "Alright." He followed her eyes, falling on the thing his palm is cradling. "What do you think?" He repeated the question, passing the closed box to her for closer inspection. His arm then fell to the side of the countertop her side is leaning on, semi-caging her body to his space.

"Did Armie choose it?" She's afraid to pull it out from the cushion as if adversity will ensue if someone touched it aside from the couple. Diana admired the rock as she tilted the box from side to side. Diana is trying to look disinterested. But from the way she couldn't hide her staring, she is far from being lukewarm towards the Tifanny. He knew Diana, and he knew that it's her well-known mechanism.

"He has a good taste if he did." She continued, giving Armie the credit he deserved. A diamond in a ring is impressive enough. But he knocked it out of the park when he picked the perfect one that really says _Rose Tico_.

"He got it five months after they started dating. He told me." As the girl is secretly adoring the ring, Ben is secretly adoring the girl. Her eyes sparkled before the diamond and Ben thought that they're more bright than the ring itself.

There's already an engagement ring waiting set for Ben Solo's future fianceé. It's hidden somewhere under his name. A family heirloom; Leia told Ben that her mother passed it down to Han, like every mother in their family did for generations. And now, it's his turn. The rock came from ambiguous royalty a very long, long time ago. 

He didn't even remember the appearance of the ring anymore. The last time he saw it was ten years ago until Leia expertly brushed on the subject during their last brunch. Reminding him that the ring might be starting to catch some cobwebs.

Ben has a long way to go to grant his mother's wishes. He was planning to make a joke out of it to Diana. But he decided that his first one he made accidentally is enough for tonight. "I also apologize on how I broke the ring to you."

She heaved a sigh, a silent terror showing behind her eyes. "You're going to put me six feet under next time to pull that kind of shit to me Ben. I swear to God."

"I won't." And he's lying through his teeth. "I'll make it up to you. Will you stay the night?"

She looked up, catching his penetrative gaze. "Fine. But I'm not having sex with you tonight."

"I wasn't asking you to have sex with me tonight." He rebutted, amused at her words.

"Then drop that "I'll fuck you" face you're giving me." Diana impatiently demanded, breaking their eye contact. Ben's suave charisma is inebriating and once in a while she needed to feel sober.

Her mind is mistakenly reading his love eyes to the thing she's most accustomed on what she's usually receiving from Ben. And because her mind is painfully unaware how the idea of love and commitment works that she immediately puts it to rough sex tab.

Ben has a long way to go.

He gave her one last look before grabbing the telephone. "I'll ask them to send up some vodka penne. Or you're through with that craving?"

"I—" He remembered. "No, not yet." 

Diana said no sex tonight right? She didn't say anything about heatedly making out at 12 in the midnight with Ben as she straddled his lap.

* * *

Armie did make it up with Rose because she really saw the effort her boyfriend did for a week, and it's only their 9th month of being together. It didn't stop there, a luxury red rose bear in a transparent gift box with black lid and ribbon was delivered to Rose two days later. 

Ben did his own thing as well. While Diana is lounging on his couch, he directly gave her a box of chocolates. "A peace offering." He said.

It had a matte gold lid that said _Le Praline_ at top. In the middle, in black background, with another shade of gold in the borders, is the brand— _Amedei Tuscany_. It's [_Le Praline 25 Gold_](https://www.meta-bev.com/products/assorted-pralines-25pcs). The tastes are different with one another and Diana could choose whatever she wanted to eat.

It's dubbed as the most expensive chocolate in the world, but Ben didn't bat an eye as he bought one. He just knew that it's a good quality dark chocolate and he wanted the best for her. 

It took forever for Diana to pull out the lid. This didn't look like food. It's a spectacle of opulence. There's a multi-page pamphlet to guide the consumers to distinguish the praline from one another. There's two flaps meeting in the middle that then a sheer tissue-like paper with the name of the brand are written diagonally repeatedly.

There's too much preview before the main event. And after Diana pulled out everything, she understand the need for those obnoxious wrappings. The pralines are artisanal Italian gourmet chocolates filled with coffee, fruit, liquor and other delicacies.

"Can you still be my company for the gala?" He sat down beside her, extending his arm at the top of the couch until it reached her shoulder.

Oh, he's THAT sorry. 

"Yes."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter took many different turns
> 
> i was grinning and cackling like a maniac the entire time when i was writing this! the excerpt was meant to be taken differently. i just like that thought that ben kept scaring diana on those kind of romantic things because that's the closest he can get to say his true feelings. But THAT confrontation will happen in the future, they're still not ready to have that talk yet
> 
> all fun and games until... officially reached the 100k threshold! oh my lord.
> 
> i hope you all grinned and cackled as well!! 💕


	28. Read the Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A prelude to the charity party for the next chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i slipped some porn-with/without-plot for this chapter. i...lost control, it was supposed to be like a "get-ready chapter" but then it turned to a shameless smut.
> 
> CW: a little bit (mild) of a breeding (no pregnancy) and degradation kink halfway. I really, really lost control

**Chapter Twenty-Eight: Read the Room**

When Diana found out that the "small gathering" would take place in the neighborhoods of Sammamish, she knew that it's not going to be an intimate social event. Though Ben really tried to downplay the whole thing, Diana knew better. The simple but regal looking one-page invitation said the different thing.

"There's no such thing as a small gathering that's also a black tie event Ben." Diana explained. Walking back and forth to his walk-in closet to prepare their wardrobe. 

They are two days before the charity event. Her organization and planning skills are in full throttle today, it's better to run around and do everything now than do all of it hours before the party. She almost lost her damn mind when she had found out that that was Ben's _exact_ plan.

For better visual, Diana is the type of person who got everything prepared and laid out two days before the flight and already at the airport eight hours before boarding while Ben is THAT person who leaves everything at the last minute.

His tuxedo had just been got back from the dry cleaners. The concierge was very nice to bring the dark gold nylon garment storage upstairs to them. Burberry's famous emblem of Equestrian Knight and his galloping steed is in printed in the middle with matte champagne color.

"There's one. My mother's." He uttered in a low quiet tone, mind entirely occupied as he chose what watch he would wear. Diana had asked him many, many times to do it because she had a feeling that he would take a while to find the right one from his collection. And she was right, because he had been looking for an appropriate one for fifteen minutes now.

"Then why do you only want to stay there for only 30 minutes?" She smoothed out their attire before standing next to him.

"Because small or big events, I don't enjoy it." But to make up with his parents and to formally introduce Diana to that part of his life, he made an exception. 

For quite a while, Diana had noticed that Ben doesn't switch cars. She knew that he has the capability to switch to a different one every single day. But looking at his opened drawer, Diana easily learned that those are the things Ben wanted to have an impressive collection of instead.

And he said that they're "an investment". That phrase itself is enough for her to know that these are where he spends his money.

His drawer is opened, exhibiting his intensive collection of watches. Each straps are neatly binded in a black velvet cushion. The contents of that drawer itself must equate to their whole med school tuition, or undergrad, or her annual apartment pay. 

They say that clothes, shoes or cars are not the things to look at to determine a person's _comfortability_. It's on the watch that they wear, even if only a part of it is peaking under their sleeves. 

If there's a Breightling, TAG Heuer Monaco, Patek Philippe, Rolex and a Jaeger Le-Coultre at his own disposal, words are not enough to explain Ben's current comfortability... And he couldn't even choose which one to pick.

"Okay, Prince of the Dark World." She playfully rolled her eyes. "Have you picked one?"

"I think the Jaeger Le-Coultre will work." He gently looked up at her, adoring the bare features of her face.

An imaginary lightbulb lighted up above his head. "I have a proposition to make. Do you want to hear it?" His brow twitched upward, displaying his up-to-no-good smile. Ben reached her hand, pulling her flush against his chest. The back of his hips smoothly pushing the sleek drawer close.

"Oh yeah?" She tipped her chin up, grabbing a hold of his arms. Her figure perfectly slotted to the space between his legs. "What do you have in mind?" Caressing the fabric of his shirt up and down.

"I think that," The warmth of his palms heating up the sides of her hips. "We should ditch the party. We could stay here, I'll open a bottle of Bordeaux."

She hummed intriguingly, enjoying the homely familiarity of his scent. Ben never wears a strong, overpowering cologne to make himself known. His powerful and strong built under his black shirt- arms deliciously filling its short sleeves- is more than enough. "Bordeaux huh?" 

"1984. The best kind." The lowness of his voice rumbled his chest. Continuing to sell a different premise of that night to her.

"Hmm, I'm sure it is." It sounded so promising to be honest. But Diana, like always, put up a fight. And she wanted to have a good excuse to wear anything not linen material. In short, other than scrubs. "I need to wear that stupidly expensive dress that Rose forced me to buy even once."

"Then wear it here. And your glasses can stay. I know you hate wearing contacts."

"You were planning this, weren't you?" She smiled. Definitely enjoying their close proximity. Her hands traveled north, raking his unruly yet always dashing mane. "And then what?"

It's frustrating. How they act like they are already years in a relationship. _Lovers_. How Diana's body instinctively turns to him every now and then. Even in her deepest unconscious slumber, she unknowingly finds the safe and warmth of his arm wrap around her waist.

Ben gulped down the oncoming groan when her fingers ran through the roots of his thick waves. They exactly know what's going to happen next in Ben's story. It always ends in a messy, writing eye-rolling pleasure that knocks them both out. And Diana wanted to hear it from him.

"I'm going to make the lenses of your glasses _fog_ up again." He strongly enunciated his words. His eyes didn't waver, making a point. 

It makes Ben weak and powerful at the same time when the frame of her prescription glasses fall to the bridge of her nose because of how relentless his pelvis in drilling her that it sends her forward (or backward depending on their countless positions). Lenses of her glasses all fogged up in moisture. She literally can't see a thing during and after he fucked her hard. 

Not a thing but Ben.

"Will your tuxedo stay if ever that happens?" She knows what she's doing. She's asking for it.

His grip around her tightened, pulling her closer. Always _just a little bit_. "If you want it to stay, it will stay. I couldn't promise the same with your dress though." I

If she asked for a moon, Ben wouldn't hesitate to lasso it and give it to her. That's how far Ben is; and Diana is still in the very same circle that they both agreed on. Or that's what she's making herself believe.

"You should've said that before we sent out the RSVP. And even if we didn't, you still have to show your face there." Her eyes darted on his lips. Slowly getting hypnotized at how it alluringly moves when he talks.

Pretty pink lips for a pretty man. Diana instinctually pulled her bottom lip inside her mouth, clamping it shut before the chance to pounce that plump lips of his is given to her.

"I don't care, we could still ditch it." And then, he pouted. _Pouted_. Making it harder to Diana than it already is. He wanted to have her all by himself. 

Ben's head moved forward in an inch, tilting to the side. Mildly desperate eyes zeroing on her lips as well. He also wanted to have a taste of it.

Heads mindlessly tilting. Lips grazing but not kissing. Hands are in each others' sovereign. Their breaths are sharp; small but audible.

Ben Solo never liked the feeling of vulnerability and utter weakness before. He was ashamed of it. Or that was Kylo Ren, his medical student pseudonym. As soon as he feels the air of being emotionally open creeping, he's quick to shut it out.

But Diana is the weakness that he yearns and longs. The weakness that he couldn't quite reach even though she's always around, clinging. She has the sole power to turn this redwood, sulking man into a pouty, greedy boy in a flick of her finger. Whenever she pleases.

"No ditching." Placing a soft kiss on his cheek. First move.

He couldn't give a flying fuck about the RSVP. He wanted her. That's the end of it. "It's like cutting a class. We'll call in sick." Ben hotly persuaded her. Like they're back at being med students. A big bad influence.

He started walking forward, backing up her body until her back pressed the dark mahogany dresser. A strategy, a build-up.

"I never cut class Dr. Solo. I was a good medical student." Diana sultry grinned at the change of their position. Languidly kissing his lips. Barely there, but she made her sure that it was sensual. Frighteningly patient despite seeing Ben's swell of his hard chest.

"Were you Dr. Montgomery?" He tipped his head down, making his eyes seem to appear darker. Slotting his hand sideways between her legs, applying a delectable pressure against it. 

His other hand securely held her chin and jaw. Keeping her from shuddering in one place at his firm touch. "Yes." She swallowed, clearing her head. "I fucked a lot of guys back then but that doesn't mean I perform well in class."

It was an obvious dirty talk. A very **bold** one. But the image he gave her was very far from turning him on. It immensely fueled his anger. His dangerous jealousy.

The thought of Diana saying another man's name in a flustered state in a brink of her own pleasure. He couldn't bear it. 

His expression hardened. Ben didn't respond to her. Eyes glowering in intense desire and lust. He titled his hand underneath, easily cupping her core under her grey running shorts. As if grasping what he owns. 

He started rubbing her, not too slow and not too fast. Quickly activating the slick sensation they both seem to love. The pad of his thick long fingers drawing tight circles on her cunt. Perfectly hitting that spot.

She's immobile under his wall-like figure. Diana can't even look past his shoulders. She wanted to throw her head back so bad, but his firm hold on her neck prevented her from doing it. 

Diana's becoming dizzy now. Her chest is heaving, her body's own way of conditioning itself to the incoming intense pleasure. Gathering as much air as possible but her liberty to take a big gulp of air fell on Ben's huge hand.

She trusts him.

"Ben," His name is hotly enclosed in the small breath that she let out. She kept pushing her head forward, trying to steal a desperately-needed kiss. He's awfully close to her, lips only centimeters away from each other.

Ben is openly denying it, amused on how bad she really wanted it. Whining because she can't reach the one thing she needed. Just like him everyday towards her.

"Isn't this what you wanted?" A low, amused hum is heard from him when her dainty hands stopped roaming on his chest and arms to travel below. Guiding his busy hand to go under the hem. To really touch her down there. 

"Please. I want more."

The fingers on the side of her neck squeezed tighter. Controlling her breathing. "I haven't done anything to you yet Diana. You're already a mess." 

The air is becoming hot around them, sweat forming around her forehead. Continuing to feel lightheaded because she's using her limited breath to mewl and submissively moan. He rolled his fingers against her lips, tilting it left and right. Lapping wetness as much as possible his appendages could cover. 

"Open your legs more." Ben ordered. He's trying to control the excitement penting up in his quick breaths. But instead, quieting his brief inhales are replaced by terrifying growl coming from his swelling chest.

" **Open** them Diana." He repeated his words with more reiteration and brute from his tongue after Diana made a weak attempt on stepping her legs farther.

She feebly whimpered at his dark demeanor. Pathetically turned on at how masculine he looked. A true alpha that she unknowingly triggered by her careless words. Crimson colored blush is gradually trailing her to her face, beginning on her neck. Ben's grip loosened but his hand didn't leave her jaw. 

"Did some pathetic med student in Stanford did this to you before?" Ben huffed, continuously pushing the side of his palm upward as his fingers teased her entrance. 

"No. _Never_." She exhaled, writhing under his unyielding touch. Pinned behind his mahogany dresser. Grasping the fabric of his shirt.

Everytime Diana's head moves forward, he pulls back his head. His gaze is transfixed on her gaping lips, looking sardonically inquisitive at her flustered state. Studying how she's begging badly to be kissed. _No_.

Ben felt proud at his answer. Devilishingly grinning as he plunged two fingers inside of her. Wetness of his squirming fingers pushing in and out of her lewdly heard.

"Oh God." Her charcoal eyes rolled back as she mewled. Her head automatically tipping back to join in the motion only to be held back by Ben.

He wouldn't miss that part for the world. He wanted to see Diana's face succumbing into the intoxicating pleasure he's giving her. Getting lost with it.

_“That's right. Call God. Call every higher power there possibly is as your orgasm comes to a close_.” Diana's getting caught up with that most of the time she uses God and Ben interchangeably. 

She screams and yells his name with so much devotion and benediction that make it sounds like Ben is indeed a god. Their doctors already. Surgeons. Being called a heretic is automatically imprinted on them.

Diana tightly shut her eyes off. Her heart is racing, she can hear the deafening erratic beats at her ears. Her racing pulse drowns her breathy moans and pleads for Ben. Even the tips of her ears are becoming hot. It's nearing. Her lower stomach coiling into tight ropes. 

He's only using his fingers and yet she is putting Diana into a frenzy whose skin is smoldering from the impending brink of rapture. As her pleasure heightens, her inhibition drops. Turning her into an unfiltered, babbling mess.

"You're the only one that I want Ben." She gasped. Diana's not thinking what she's saying. Almost as if she's speaking the subconscious truth deep inside her.

His consuming gaze enervated at her words. That did it for Ben, buckling his knees. Out of lust or not, Diana told her directly that she wanted him without leading her to it.

His hard cock stirred under his pants, painfully tenting up the black denim fabric. His entire body a thousand degrees. Ben's hand which has been holding her throat moved behind, clutching the nape of her neck to pull her to give her the most bruising, deepest kiss ever known to mankind. 

It felt utterly divine that Ben let a groan slip as they kiss. It felt so rough and gentle at the same time. The depravity made their tongues wild out inside their mouths. 

_You're the only one that I want Ben._ It rang to his mind, opening his mouth more to deepen his claim. Hungrily devouring her. _"You're mine."_

Diana's whole body tingled, the lightning striking her core. Shuddering at the immense force that rolled from her head to toe. Whimpering against his mouth as she dove into her orgasm head first. Her flimsy hand reached out below them, pulling his hand over from her swollen pussy as fast as possible.

Ben let her breathe for a couple seconds before crouching down. Arms holding the top of her thighs to pull her up. Her legs at his waist, continuing their heated make out session.

Her legs have already given up and she has to lie down to take him. 

They began to walk, moving out of the closet to move their "activity" outside the walk-in closet. Putting Diana perpendicularly at their made bed.

Ben looked down, admiring Diana. " _I'm the only one who gets to see her like this. Only me."_ The temptation of getting down on one knee and proposing to her like this is so strong that he had to bite his tongue hard. " _Slow down, you can't even tell her you love her yet."_

The soft thin straps of her beige cami fell to her arms that Ben didn't have the time to remove it from her, only rolling the soft cotton fabric down to her waist. Her shorts are long gone, discarded somewhere between their travel from his bedroom to the closet. 

He raised his hands close to his nose, smelling the thick scent of her arousal before sucking it. Making sure that they never broke their gaze at each other. He could easily cum like that. Standing there with her exposed like that next to him while smelling and tasting her sweet honey cum. 

"Here," Ben said, running the same fingers between her bruised lips before pushing it inside her mouth. "How's that pussy taste, baby?"

She's fast to wrap her lips around his thick fingers. Heady. Tart. Sweet. Only making a pitiful whine as a response to his filthy question.

First it was his navy blue shirt. Pulling the hem on the back of his neck. The button of his pants followed, maintaining a sticky eye contact with her as he pulled his zipper down. He didn't bother stepping out of it. If his need to have her attacks his bloodstream, he couldn't give a single fuck about everyone or everything in the room.

So he didn't realize that Diana was in her longue clothes. She had grey running shorts that delectably accentuated her round ass and a beige cami top with no bra while Ben just recently pulled out his navy blue Maison Margiella plain cotton shirt and black jeans to go with it.

He was supposed to go somewhere or meet someone. But that plan is already thrown out the window.

"I got the next attending neurosurgeon on my bed. Begging to get pounded with my big cock." Ben lustfully admired her. Appreciative and proud at the fact that he got Diana. 

Maybe the party is not a bad idea after all. He has the chance to escort her in the room full of doctors who have never seen the kind of beauty she has. It would be an honor standing by her side.

"Ben." She blushed. Like a Victorian lady who's getting bashful at a complement of an eligible man. Except that they are in the 21st century setting, exposed and open for him. Getting excited and squirmy at the metal sound of his zipper opening.

It looked indecent. How Ben fucked his fist hard as he looked at the spent Diana lying in bed. Legs dangling at the side, touching the floor. Wide open. Ready for him.

The swift action of his fist is making a wet, slapping noise. "Do you want it?" He gruffed, gritting his teeth. "Want my cock to fuck your tight cunt?"

"I want it so bad." She spread her limp legs more. Presenting her raw and red pussy due to her previous orgasm. 

" _Shit._ That's my girl," Ben cooed, lifting her thighs and bending it on both sides of her torso as before pressing his shaft between her wet folds that elicited a choked up moan from Diana. "Always ready to take my cock."

Ben felt hard and hot. Smoldering and throbbing as he pressed himself against her sensitive folds. The veins of his length around his shaft are protruding. It looked so angry. And big. 

He swiped it one more time before inserting himself up to the hilt before pulling out. Deep sighs of satisfaction leaving their trembling lips. Stretching her pussy real good before rolling his hips forward again. 

Ben is hunched up over her. His hands cupping the top of her head as his muscled and toned back deliciously curl and flex at his every thrust. Powerful and deep strokes that sent Diana into a gasping euphoric trance.

"Nobody could make you feel this good like I do." Ben breathlessly declared against her ear, grunting as he pushed himself inside of her. Frantic lips attacking his jaw and neck. 

"You fucking whore," He grabbed both of her hands, pinning them to the side. His grip would at least leave a bright red mark hours later. "What were doing before me huh? Fakely moaning- _fuck_ -getting off on some small 5-inches?" 

His nasty words made her pussy flutter, clutching Ben more inside of her. With Ben, Diana didn't have to fake her moans. His sheer size and girth pulls it out of her automatically.

When Diana bucked her hips to meet his rough thrust, she felt the immense sensation spilling deep inside her that made her scream in delight. Making her toes curl and chest swell. Ben hit something.

" _Oh_ , is that it baby?" Ben asked in smugly knowing that he already hit it. He felt her walls tighten around. He knew that crumpled expression on her face in a far distance. "Did I hit that part that makes you crazy?"

She nodded fervently under him. "Yes. Please. Please Ben fuck me more." Giving Ben her big pleading doe-eyed eyes, jutting out her bottom lip. 

Diana's tremendously begging Ben to rearrange her guts. With that look that she just gave him, how could he say no? 

"Fuck." He sharply cursed under his breath. Watching in sheer bewilderment how her small frame compared to his enormous built surge forward at his every push. Tits freely bouncing at the vigorous movements. The possibility of hearing his growls and her moans by Washington is far too great. And Ben couldn't care less.

Her second climax is fastly building up again. Her mind is viciously spinning and the thought of him is the only one she could make up out of it. "Oh, Ben." She softly gasped, not fighting his hold. 

" _I l—_ " She began but her sentence quickly evaporated in the air. She almost said it. The three words Ben has been dying to tell her. He coaxed that thought out of her reverie. But only during in her intoxicated and erotic state. But it's there, in the back of her psyche.

That idea is undoubtedly there, but Diana is stubborn or clueless to pay attention to it. Only to get unlocked once in a while when they're both in a flustered, sweaty state.

Ben is fucking her so good that she almost said I love you.

On the other side, Ben is nuzzling her neck. His eyes are squinted close. If Diana's words almost slipped out of her, Ben is biting his lip hard to stop himself from saying it. Missing her interrupted syllables. He's been mouthing it the entire time he's buried in her neck.

_I love you._

The tight knots in the pits of her stomach recoiled. Proving the phrase, "Lightning never strikes the same place twice" inaccurate. Diana opened her mouth. After an abrupt whimper at the back of her throat, she let out a soundless scream. Clawing Ben's back as she rode the immense climax out.

Her stuttering legs tried its best to wrap around his waist. Locking in his position for his following orgasm. 

His holding back the sounds he's about to make, but he can't. She's too good. She's too perfect. Eventually giving in to his thunderous grunts and groans as he generously filled her inside. His hit thick seed freely spurted inside her cunt. _Breeding her with his potent cum_.

The highest type of marking a territory. _Mine_.

It's music to Diana's ears. Reaching her orgasm into high heavens as Ben drones the nastiest words against her ear. The devil would shy away if he ever got the chance to hear the surgeon. Roll the red carpet in hell and let him take over the throne.

Ben stayed on top of her, pillowing his head between his breasts. The end of his jet-black luscious hair covered in sweat, sticking at her skin.

It's a surprise how his heart hasn't left his ribcage yet. Diana could feel it thrumming fast against her stomach. She fluttered her eyes closed, gently playing with his hair as they stayed like that for a while. Bodies glowing with sweat. Chests constricting and contracting, slowing down to an equal pace.

Ben looked up, meeting her dazed up gaze. Their pupils are still blown out. Even after sex, when they contemplate one other, their pupils are dilated. A scientific symptom. 

He sweetly smiled, parting his lips a little to give his chest a gentle kiss. Then the mounds of her breasts. His plush lips smacking against her neck and jaw until he reached her lips. Giving her a languid kiss, slipping his tongue inside her mouth. 

They’re giggling like idiots. A blissed out couple, enjoying each other's company as they cool down. They're obviously happy. But it seems like the timing is always not right for them. Because even when they're tangled at one another, sighing and panting each other's names, skin-to-skin, they still can't confess their feelings.

A hit and a miss. Stuck in a limbo. 

None of them heard the doorbell going off. They were too occupied to be alert at their own home. So when Armie called out multiple times that "they're here" with Poe and Finn, it went above their heads. Not giving a damn that they have another company.

They didn't hear the "I'm going up." Armie had no inkling of what he's about to see maybe because he's just excited to play doubles tennis at the country club. Ben and Armie VS. Poe and Finn.

"Ben hurry up the Chief is betting on—" He eagerly marched to the threshold of Ben and Diana's bedroom, he didn't get the memo that he will have a full picture of Ben's exposed ass and Diana's tits welcoming him.

Poor Armie was petrified on what he saw. Having a split second of eye contact with the naked Diana before quickly turning around.

" **Ah! What the fuck!** " A chorus of shriek and surprised yells filled the room. Armie's and Diana's to be exact. Ben was quick to press his chest against her, giving her the decendy that she miserably wanted at the exact moment.

"Shit! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" The embarrassment is quick to paint his pale face red, stinging his ears with crimson red.

That's the reason why Ben was dressed up and Diana wasn't. Completely forgetting about it.

"What the hell is going on up there?" Finn loudly called out, concerned at the terrifying scream Diana made. He leaped out on the sofa downstairs, racing to check what happened.

Poe followed suit. "It sounded like someone was dying."

The commotion is still going on in the bedroom. Diana is panicking, embarrassed as well that Armie caught her in a brazen position. 

Armie is gushing his apologies. Telling Ben that he called out several times before going up. "God, I'm so sorry. I promise I didn't see anything. I swear."

They all know that that statement is a blatant lie. No one could miss her tits from the distance that he was standing. 

But Diana took it. Pulling up her top as a sad excuse to dress herself while Ben pulled the duvet to cover her lower half. Ben wanted to find her shorts but he knew that Diana is too self-conscious to be alone right now.

"What happened?" Finn entered the scene that made Diana to raise to duvet up to her chin.

"Armie walked in on us." Ben filled the two as he zip his jeans back. Pushing his hair at the back of his head after binding his belt back. Still half-naked before their friends.

" _Oookay._ " Poe said, shifting his eyes to the side. Checking on the traumatized Armie. Feeling the need to have a cold shower. "We'll just wait downstairs. On the lobby."

"Great." Ben tugged a small smile from his lips, he couldn't help to look amused at their reactions. "Well have to take a bath first. You should try to visit the bar at the restaurant downstairs."

"Diana I'm sorry." Armie tried it again one more time before going down. His back is turned to them, eyes squinted shut.

"It's okay. I'm sorry too, we didn't hear it." Diana responded. "Hi guys." She meekly greeted Finn and Poe. Looking at their feet as she smiled apologetically.

"Hi Diana." They greeted back in a comforting tone.

_Friends-walking-in-during/after-sex_ Unlocked.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if this update took longer, the next chapter is already in the works! im still not confident to post it because i have the feeling that there something i still needed to write down. thank you so much for waiting! i'll always update at least 1 chapter every week. i love to write every time i finished my online classes (tax and my other auditing subjects could be a tad boring i have to do my own pick me up)
> 
> anyways, enjoy this filthy chapter!


	29. Dodge/Bite the Bullet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I say its all because of you and here I go  
> Losing my control  
> I'm practising your name  
> So I can say it to your face it doesn't seem right  
> To look you in the eye  
> And let all the things you mean to me  
> Come tumbling out my mouth indeed its time  
> Tell you why  
> I say its infinitely true
> 
> -Sway, Big Runga

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ☕🍵 get as many tea and coffee as you want loves!! grab a snack, this one has a length of two chapters. 
> 
> enjoy 💕💕
> 
>   
> music i listened to over and over:  
> Somewhere Only We Know by Keane  
> Your Universe by Rico Blanco  
> Sway by Bic Runga

**Chapter Twenty-Nine: Dodge/Bite the Bullet**

When their car entered the quiet narrow road, Diana looked from their windows, checking the pathway only lit by antique street lamps every 5 meters to the side of the pebbled road.

The concierge called from Ben's house phone 8 on the dot, telling them that the chauffeur for tonight is waiting for them in the lobby. No driving with the windows down with his Porsche tonight. Leia insisted and that's the end of that conversation.

For a good minute, it was just a stretch of country road, a good portion of Lake Sammamish is silently shimmering in the pale moonlight to the left side of the road.

"Are we in the right road?" Diana whispered to Ben next to her. Even though the partition is rolled up, she didn't want the chauffeur, who introduced himself as Derek, to think that she's questioning his competency.

"We are." He agreed, matching her hushed tone. "We're actually here already."

She broke her gaze. _Here already?_ Then, slowly, Diana understood what Ben was talking about. Behind the trees, on his side of the seat, it unraveled. 

A humongous house that managed to hide itself behind the beautiful nature of the state. A mansion with a warm orange glow titled to the side to face the lake welcomed them with open arms. 

It took a while to register to her what she's looking at. Granted that the estate is too much to take in in just one glance. Still learned to his side, Diana is holding on to his forearm to steady herself. Admiring the view.

That is the place where he used to spend his holidays and where the forced piano playing and singing occured. Inside the imposing Naboo Estate is a more than 20,000 square feet mansion situated at the end of the lake, facing due north.

But Ben is admiring a different view and it's not the house. He didn't quite have enough of her tonight. When he entered the bathroom earlier ago to check on Diana, he forgot what he was supposed to say.

She was in the middle of putting on eye drops. The clear contact lenses that she’s wearing are already sucking up the moisture of her eyes. Diana was tilting her head forward, deliberately blinking obnoxiously to spread the refreshing moisture around her eyes.

"Hey, I'm almost done." She said, slacked-jaw and open mouthed. Dodging the bullet of smearing her make up after putting eyedrops. 

Ben is looking at her like he just won a lotto (Acting as if he's not loaded to begin with). He knew that she tamed her voluminous onyx black hair for tonight. It was always wild when it's down but now, it was silky straight and sleek. Parted in the middle and neatly tucked behind her ears. 

The solid color of her hair is perfectly in contrast with her dress. Diana told him that it's a vintage-styled dress. A peach-colored strapless dress with a cinched waist that has a loose crinoline underneath to make out a faint silhouette of a 50's prom gown. The net-like fabric of the floor length skirt is designed with small red and white flowers with U-curved green stems.

The v-shaped zirconia necklace trailed with floral design that Diana bought for the Stanford Med graduation ball are clasped around her neck. Ending at her clavicle.

Diana is the view Ben would never get tired of looking.

"Do your parents live here?" She asked in awe, the mansion becoming larger and larger as they come close.

Han and Leia never wanted to live in a house big like that even Leia's mom left it to them. And even if it's a hundred times larger than their home in Bel Air, the magnanimous size of it was uncooperative to the residents to form any type of bond.

Ben shook his head. A no and to clear his head. Stopping himself to pull her into a kiss and tell Derek to turn around and go back to Seattle. The scent of geranium and vetiver are evaporating from her wrists and neck, bewitching him. 

"It used to be my grandparents'. But no one has been living here except during the holidays." He explained, a faint restraint evident in his voice.

"Well I think it's perfect." She pondered impressively.

"It really is." And Ben is not talking about the ancestral mansion.

The chauffeured BMW entered the cobblestone rock-circular driveway. The shiny, black cars are already lined up. Glamorous and dapper doctors and guests climbing out of their cars while the others are getting acquainted before entering the mansion.

It was very far from being a small gathering. It was a high profile gala, just like expected.

If the exterior is already a majestic visual, Diana can't even begin to think what it looks like inside. Ben told her that the estate wasn't remodeled or renovated, keeping the whole Neoclassical architecture of it fully untouched.

The magnificent three-tiered fountain is the centerpiece of the driveway, gathering the attention of the visitors. The water generously flows in long, thick rivulets tier to tier until it reaches the basin. Creating melodius rain-like flow, with manicured lawn and hydrangeas covering the bottom of the basin.

They pull over to the first quarter of the driveway where an attentive suited up valet is ready to open Diana's door. 

"Ready?" She grinned, her brows raised in great enthusiasm.

"Don't leave my side." Ben firmly said, a hint of dreadfulness hidden behind his eyes. He knew he would be fine as long as she's by his side.

Her door finally opened, unintelligible chatters quickly filled up the interior of the car. "I won't." She responded before stepping out of the vehicle 

Ben gracefully raced to her side, holding her left hand to guide her to the burgundy carpet lined up where the guests formed a skewed line, waiting for their turn to show their invitation. 

It was a controlled, organized whirlwind. There are so many things happening at once. Hushed voices of amicable ushers and usherettes are overlapping, shutters of cameras clicking, the trickling water from the fountain added to the very formal ambience.

At the other side of that line, in the angle where the fountain shows its most intricate design and true beauty, twenty or more photographers are lined up. Officially making this charity gala the gala of the year to Diana's mind.

They are from different hospital newsletters all around the country. For sure there is one photographer for The Seattle Times as well. The viewfinder of their camera are pressed to their eyes, trying to out-voice one another to make the guests look in their way to have the perfect picture to put in their glossy pages.

The two happy couples are chatting eagerly at the end of the line, they also just arrived minutes before Ben and Diana. 

Dr. Rose Tico who's leaning into Obstetrics and Gynaecology Surgery is tonight's lady in red. Her dress has a high-collared frock and a fitted bodice. Accompanying her is Dr. Armitage Hux who's decided that he's going to be a trauma surgeon. His flamed hair perfectly matched his smart and crisp tuxedo.

Behind them is the passionate future orthopedic surgeon, Dr. Finn Storm killing it with his velvet midnight blue tuxedo. And next to him is the aspiring general surgeon, Dr. Poe Dameron, enticing the crowd with accented, perfectly trimmed tux. Sporting his rugged and refined look. He grew that beard for only three days.

Rose turned around as she saw the very tall figure of wind-knocking gentleman accompanying a delicate lady by his side. The lady in red let out an audible gasp when she got a good look at them. "Look at you." She sang.

The powerful couple has arrived. The future cardiothoracic surgeon protectively holding the neurosurgeon to his side. 

The two female doctors looked like they were on their way to a Vogue photoshoot, while two four dapper men were fully prepared to do a featured cover in GQ magazine. Hugs and kisses are exchanged between the six friends. Diana and Armie are still working to laugh off the latest incident that they had, awkwardly chuckling as they embraced one another. 

Ben meant what he said. His hand never letting go of hers even though she's holding her dress up so it wouldn't get caught to her satin cream heels. The two easily caught up with the conversation, creating a high energy inside their circle. The gala hasn't started and yet they're already having a good time.

"Good evening Mr. Solo." An aged man formally greeted the very fine gentleman, cordially nodding his head at the rest of the friends of his young master to greet them. "And good evening to you as well Dr. Montgomery." 

"Hi, Threepio." Diana smiled, feeling the warmth of Ben's slightly rubbing her back. Constantly reminding her of his safeguarding presence.

"Sir, your mother and father are requesting your presence for a photocall. Only one photograph, your mother had said." Threepio, who's wearing a pressed tailcoat curtly explained the reason why he's there.

Ben's left undereye twitched. _Right away_ , he thought. He's sure that Leia told Threepio that it's only one photograph to lessen his incoming tantrum. "I'll be there. Thank you Threepio."

The butler nodded once again before excusing himself to the group after Ben said his answer.

"Duty calls." She grinned, cocking her head forward where the photocall is currently happening.

His head dipped down, his hot breath softly blowing to Diana's ears. So close. "You should go with me. My dad is already there, he's waiting to meet you."

She slowly pulled her head back, pushing her chin up to take a good look at him. God, he looks so good. Very, very good. "That's a strictly Solo-only photo. You don't want a Montgomery gatecrashing there." Diana lightheartedly said, gulping the dreamy smile she felt already forming in her lips.

But he exactly wanted specific Montgomery there. 

Rose saw Ben's eyes staring straight to Diana. It's the kind of long, yearning look that would make him paranoid and a little crazy if she went out of his eyesight. _That_ look. "Go on Ben," She said with a light chuckle. "We got her."

He ought to go a little crazy if a beautiful woman like Diana would be out of his sight even only for a few minutes. He glanced appreciatively at Rose before lifting up Diana's hand. Putting a long, meaningful kiss at the back of her palm. "I'll be right back." 

The four shared a knowing look as Ben left their group. They have always felt his yearning towards her before. But tonight, it's much _more_ stronger. Much more potent that they have to refrain themselves from asking Diana the question, _"You feel that right?"_

Ben felt dug his hands in his pockets. He felt weird walking alone especially when everyone was glancing in his direction. His parents are already standing at the marked spot, photographers became uncontrolled when they saw him walking up to them. Giving his parents a tight embrace.

Leia looked behind his son, waiting for his muse. "Where's Diana?" 

"She's at the end of the line with my friends." He explained, trying his best to drown out the clicking and voices in front of them.

"Well I'm starting to think that she's a product of yours and your mother's imagination, kid." Han teased. His son never, ever, brought up a woman before to them so he couldn't help to be glad as well as skeptic at the same time. And the fact that Leia droned about it for hours to him, of course he's waiting to see the woman that made their taciturn son head over heels. 

“She's here dad. Diana couldn't wait to meet you." Ben said distractedly, becoming bothered at the unwanted attention.

Han is feeling the same. "Tell her there's no need to be shy about this kind of thing. She's going with you on the succeeding holidays." The father cocked his brow. Telling his son that he knows that he didn't tell her that part yet.

"Tell her that yourself once we get inside." He cheekily responded. Positioning himself to the right side of his mother, Han on the left. Putting their elegant mother in the middle, being lovingly sandwiched by her two boys.

"Smile Benjamin." Leia ordered. Both of her arms are intertwined with her husband and son. The overwhelming flash of cameras flickered.

Tremendous yells of directions are pouring. It's the first time after five years that they have the glimpse of the complete Solo family. And the photographers are making the most out of it to get the family's attention to angle their faces even in the slightest bit on their side.

"I am." He murmured. He's not. Ben Solo's giving them _the_ frown. The “ _my mother told me to be here so I obliged”_ look. The stare down that just made him more handsome than he already is.

Ben dashed after the minute-worth of the photoshoot concluded. His feet having their own lives made their way back to Diana. Extremely worried and anxious that he caught Diana standing alone in the line. 

"Are you chewing a gum?" Diana asked in utter amazement as Ben helped her to raise the hem of her dress away from the floor.

"Mmhmm." He hummed in agreement, standing so close to her. Han gave it to him before him and Leia entered the mansion. “A trick to help the anxiousness go away when you're far from the girl”, he said.

"Do you have some more?" She asked again. Astounded at how he makes the mundane gum chewing so regal and beguiling. The simple answer: because of the tantalizing jaw flexing.

"I only have one." He's really not letting go of her hand. Ben needs to hold her. "Do you want it?" He turned his head at her, putting the small gum between his teeth.

Diana is not even sure if he's playing around or he's actually serious. But the shock in her face is genuine. "Ben." She warned him, catching her off guard. "Stop it." 

It's the second time Ben will step in front of the cameras. But this time, he's an entirely different person. They stood front and center behind the majestic fountain, tuning his full attention to Diana.

Ben held her back, pulling her close to him. The span of his palm almost covering her entire back. Diana did the same, remembering how Ben didn't look forward to this type of thing.. 

They started rubbing each other's backs. Diana is taking away the unpleasant dread taunting him as the photographers started calling his name again. 

Diana is making an effort to look at each shutter that she could see. Containing her smile. She's used to standing _thisclose_ to Ben. But the air between them has become more electrifying. Exhilarating.

It could be the chilly air tonight. The sandalwood and cedar masking Ben's strong chest didn't help Diana to straighten her thoughts. 

And Ben's whole [ensemble](https://br.pinterest.com/pin/594475219545507922/?amp_client_id=CLIENT_ID\(_\)&mweb_unauth_id=%7B%7Bdefault.session%7D%7D&_url=https%3A%2F%2Fbr.pinterest.com%2Famp%2Fpin%2F54395107987153802%2F) made her extremely coy like a schoolgirl around him. Who wouldn't be? He showed up to the gala like a dashing tall, clean shaven prince of some hidden country. His bespoke Burberry English fit mohair wool tuxedo made perfectly sure that they accentuated every asset Ben Solo has. His chest, his long, unending legs and his wide shoulders that would protect Diana to any hurricane.

He has a crisp white cotton poplin shirt and a black silk bow tie that Diana neatly tied around her neck. Finishing his look with black patent leather derby shoes. He carried it perfectly with his intimidating posture. He knows people know who he is. Tonight, the Organa-Solo in his name is showing. Imposing and powerful.

With the way he walks and stands and stares, he's an unquestionable alpha. And Diana couldn't hide the giddy feeling dancing around her stomach now that Ben makes it clear to her that he's not leaving her alone tonight. 

His lips almost grazed her temple when he turned to whisper. Like he's going to tell her something that she's the only one who's supposed to know. A lover’s secret. "You look perfect."

The full smile she's been refraining broke its chains with those three words Ben said. He hit his mark with that one, making Diana uncontrollably blush. 

"Thank you." He looks perfect too. Too good that Diana is bashful to say any complement to him. She's becoming shy towards Ben. "I'm really trying hard not to pick my nose right now."

To the journalists, the next thing that happened was a miracle. A full, genuine smile from the always frowning, darkly reserved Benjamin Solo. But the stars and moon must have aligned because he showed an open-mouth, candid laugh. 

It’s like they just witness a myth coming true and they _ate_ it all up.

He's not sparing the journalists a glance. He drowned out their shouts and yells. The laugh and smile is not for them, it's exclusively for her. The numerous pictures they took is the evidence for that. His eyes are crinkled, looking straight at his date.

But they're really pushing their luck with the rare occurrence that just happened. It started with one photographer in the crowd. "By yourself Mr. Solo. One by yourself!"

_"One picture of only yourself Mr. Benjamin!"_

_"Can we get a solo?"_

Then the rest of the flock followed. He's really a big deal of a person that they are clamoring to have a solo picture of him after five years of disappearing into thin air, Ben Solo once again stepped into the public eye.

Diana didn't mind it one bit. She could easily slip away and stand to the side. She slowly pulled back, "I'll be standing—"

"No." He sternly said. Not to her but to them. They have enough of it already to choose from. Intentional or not, Ben made a statement of the simple word that he said. He's back and he's with someone.

\-----

At first, Diana didn't understand the concept hierarchies of wealthiness. That or she didn't bother knowing it because she didn't find a good reason to find out what. There are billionaires, tycoons. New monies, that's where she used to belong with her estranged mother. 

But the interior of the mansion reeked of _very_ _old money_. It is so big that there's a double staircase in the middle of the foyer. Introducing the guests to the traditional interior of the estate.

The champagne is freely flowing. It's the first part of the gala, drinks and mingling. Making light and small talk with strangers. Creating networks. The wavelength of the conversations are always changing because there's always a person with a bigger name, either a doctor or a philanthropist joining in.

Diana is fascinated by the pictures.The legacy of their family is proudly hanging on the walls. The divine Harper Avery trophies are shimmering under the bronze chandelier above. Like an old friend telling a story. The small talk could wait.

The largest of them all is the wedding of Padmé Amidala, one of the pioneering women in medicine back when the field was gatekeept by men and Anakin Skywalker, a decorated pilot. They looked like royalty, tightly holding their each others’ hands. Her wedding dress was made of intricate regal lace, decorated with blossoms and handflown flowers.

Then there was an old picture of Padmé with Leia and Luke back when they were toddlers. Their small arms are blurred, the camera caught them midwave. It must be Anakin from behind the camera. 

There's a small picture that caught Diana's eye. Anakin is now an old man, proudly holding the shoulders of the young Ben Solo in front of him who's biting his gold medal between his not yet permanent teeth. Below the gold frame is a fencing sword, neatly laying horizontally in the wall. It was Ben's.

"You were a fencer?" She asked. Holding the flute of champagne to her left hand. Her right was intertwined with Ben's.

"I still am." He replied, reminiscing that unforgettable day. One of the best days of his childhood. "I just don't pick up the sabre anymore."

"Let's go find my parents." He stopped studying the captured memory before them. Letting go of her hand to put it on her back.

Han is nearly close on tapping out to the mandatory small talks when he saw his son coming near them. He smirked at Ben, _not an imagination._

"Dad, I'd like you to finally meet Diana. Diana, meet my dad, Han Solo." 

Ben sounded like a boy introducing his girlfriend to her parents during a sunny weekend. Half of it is true. 

"I told you she's not an imagination." Leia triumphantly said to her skeptical husband. Giving Diana a tight hug before she could even greet her and Han.

"Diana it's finally nice to meet you. I thought my son made up a fake girlfriend to have something to boast to me. He did it before in 5th grade so I know he can pull that kind of schtick again."

"Oh! Mr. Solo..." Diana stammered, trying to respectfully correct the older Solo man.

"We're not dating." saved Ben. Widening his eyes to his parents. _You're not doing this._

The parents are very much amused to watch the two shift uncomfortably. They're very quick to become flustered at such harmless one word. With the way Ben is touching her all night, there's no way that they're not dating.

"What kind of magic did my son use for you to accompany him tonight?" 

She chuckled. Ben's stance has changed. Now, he's a son. An embarrassed, grumpy son because his parents are making fun at him in front of her girlfriend. "Surprisingly there's no magic Mr. Solo. I was the one who almost drag Ben here tonight."

"And you got him following you around. I say that's a job well done." Han winked. Thoroughly enjoying the flustered look of Ben.

The feisty mother nudged his husband's side. "You're acting like he didn't get that from you." She retorted.

Diana didn't have to try hard to impress Han. She got it the minute she talked about dragging Ben to the gala. With just the way she found humor in things, he knew that his son is extremely lucky to have her. 

Ben's silent eyes shifted to his father. _"She's amazing right?"_

Han is not the only one who's drawn with her enthusiasm. Diana is effortlessly charming to the other guests and has no problem shifting the spotlight to the older doctors that they were talking to. 

She's the fresh air in every stuffy conversation. Diana is not just nodding when a guest is talking, she's actively listening to every single thing they're talking about. 

Her beaming smile lights up the big room that it reaches the corner. Ben Solo is now the only one who’s looking at her. But the fact that he's the one that has her intimately in his arms is already a win.

\---

After quite a while, the guests are ushered in the large patio at the back of the estate. The large round tables are efficiently and professionally designed in a circular shape to create a dance floor in the middle while facing the makeshift stage as well. Making the calm Lake Sammamish the background. 

The live music is placed on the side of the stage. A small orchestra. The musicians are wearing black dresses and suits. Their composition sheets are placed in the music stand. Violins, cellos and piano and drum set are flawlessly shining. 

The décor of the tables are elegantly designed. The scarlet-colored flower arrangement centerpiece concentrated the black plates and tablecloth with different shades. Numerous glasses as well as cutleries are neatly tucked for each person's plate. The dinner's menu is lying over the white napkin professionally folded on top of the plate. 

Each table has a capacity of six seats, enabling the six young doctors to have their designated table all by themselves. They are at the third row in front, the main sponsors of the gala are situated closest to the stage. 

Just like every charity gala, the seats for tonight are bought. The proceeds of those seats will go directly to the Solo Foundation. And it is a full house. 

Leia Organa took the stage a few minutes after the guests made themselves comfortable. The woman's cleverness and humor didn't need a slow pace to open the event. She fired a funny, verbal cannon. Making the audience laugh with tears pouring out on their eyes.

It was a light-humored yet perfect-in-every-angle roast, driving the event away from the default pompous setting when there huge names in the industry are in the same room tonight. The doctors and philanthropists' stomachs hurt from too much boisterous laughing.

Roars of laughter erupted every at her every punchline that she had to pause for a while to continue her speech. Even Dr. Lando Calrissian didn't get away from her sight and gave him a proper flaming.

Ben Solo's arm is draped on the bronze steel of Diana's chair. He took a break on the protective, not-her boyfriend touch for a second, but he's still making sure that he's still attuned to her. [Stealing a gaze](https://emperorren.tumblr.com/post/173515939491/radamdriver-x) once in every while before looking back to the stage.

* * *

Pairs have filled the dancefloor. Sometime between those moments, Por Una Cabeza started playing. Poe borrowed Diana away from Ben, ~~asking~~ forcing her to dance to tango. _A la-_ Scent of a Woman. She hesitantly agreed, though she is convinced that she's not as graceful as Gabrielle Anwar was in the film.

Poe majestically threw and twirled Diana around the dancefloor, surprising her with dips and slides that she didn't practice. Poe is a much more coordinated dancer than her. That wild karaoke night is the one and only explanation she holds. 

By the time Poe escorted her back to their table, Ben was nowhere to be found.

"Do you want me to stay with you here?" Poe asked, his fingers already reaching for the button of his tuxedo jacket before sitting down.

"No." Diana quickly said. "Go dance with Finn again."

"We need to practice our tango." Poe accepted her answer. His head sunk, gently pecking her cheek.

" _I_ need to practice." She reiterated. "Go on, sweep him off his feet."

An orchestral rendition of Alison Moyet's Only You is in the background as Diana helped herself with the key lime cheesecake. Lightly stomping her heels in the beat to the music under the table.

The chair next to her scraped, Ben is back. Sitting next to her. That's only the second time tonight that she left his sight. And with the best reason possible.

"This key lime cheesecake is to die for." She mumbled, making sure that she didn't leave a crumb on the curve of the spoon.

"Good." Ben said, his mind is somewhere else. Repeatedly glancing at the band. "I chose it during the food tasting. I'm glad I picked the right one."

"Look at them." She pulled the spoon away from her lips, pointing it to the dancefloor where Armie and Rose are swaying. Their eyes are never leaving each other. Hands on her waist. Arms wrapped around his neck. "They're so in love."

Diana didn't have to look that far to see an inlove person. There's a handsome doctor next to her, hopelessly and truthfully smitten at her. If she could just turn her head around just a bit. "They are." 

The song transitioned to its end. The violinists and cellist stood up, bowing to the audience. They're taking a short break. A round of applause rolled. 

A short silence filled the venue. Indistinct chats and tinkering of cutleries are heard. But it wasn't long until a new set of musicians with modern instruments came up. Slinging the strap of their acoustic guitar and bass. The seat on the drum set is occupied.

The opening crescendo of the guitar and drums made her shoulders perked up. She absolutely knew that song. Because she was just humming it last week.

That was the reason why Ben left a while, to make sure that everything is going well. The moment Diana hummed Sway by Bic Runga when they were lounging on the sofa, he wanted that to be their very first dance. 

Who said that Ben Solo doesn't have a romantic bone inside his body?

"I love this song." She dreamily sighed, looking at the live performance.

"Do you want to dance?" He asked, inhaling a gulp of air before standing up.

Diana looked up, sweetly honored at his question. "I'd love to."

Ben led her to the dance floor. Most of the guests are looking at the grown up only son of Capt. Han and Dr. Leia Organa-Solo and his breathtaking muse.

_"And I would've been honored to take a girl like you to prom."_

He reached for her right hand, clutching it near to his heart while he held her waist. Swaying the two of them to the melody of the song.

She felt her chest tighten inside as she slinged her left arm at the back of his neck. 

It's not an imagination. Ben has been acting differently throughout the night. He's being very, _very_ romantic that she can feel tingles run down her spine until it reaches her toes.

But the most unusual thing is, she's not surprised by it. It's the way he held her hand exactly where his heart is. It's not scarily palpitating, but it's so loud that she can feel it under his shirt and tuxedo jacket. 

Ben doesn't have to talk because Diana chose the perfect song to hum to express his true words. It's the universe contribution because they are both procrastinating to do something between them.

Everything about her is perfect. 

She's scared to look at him. Because she can feel Ben already staring at her, waiting for her to look up. 

In their game, they both have a good hand. Feeling confident that they have nothing to lose. But little did they know, they're already playing an entirely different game against one another.

They both lost in some way. Ben got her by a long shot. And here she is, holding Dr. Benjamin Organa-Solo's heart in her hand in front of people.

They found each other.

And that's the single thing Diana has been avoiding. The vulnerable, scary feeling that she felt when she finally looked up. 

It's not a look of lust. It's pure contentment and silent adoration. He's staring at her like he's drugged. Doped. Eyes weak. Unfocused to what's happening around them. 

None of the lavishness and shiny things mattered to Ben. Just Diana. She's the most important thing in the world to him.

Tonight. They finally caught each other eye to eye. Diana finally had the tiniest, slightest clue Ben is feeling towards her. 

Her fist twitched under his hold. It scared her. It frightened her in the worst possible way. Because at the back of her mind, it didn't feel dangerous and lethal. 

Ben is giving her the feeling of coming _home_.

He didn't let go and he never would. They're in it for a long haul now.

Her eyelashes fluttered. An inaudible gasp escaped her lips. 

_Checkmate._

Diana's utterly terrified. Because she learned things that feel and look so easy in the beginning don't end well. Ben took her guard down by just a long, meaningful gaze. 

Ben had no plan to say it to her. No. Not like this. He wanted it to be more intimate than this. No spectators.

But he sent the message undeniably clear. And it's up to her whether to be idiotically skeptical or be convinced about it.

The song came to an end. But to Ben, it's still going.

But because Diana is pitifully scared of confronting her own feelings, she's choosing to be pathetically, idiotically skeptical.

She tried to smile wide. But it came to a painful grimace. "Back to key lime cheesecake?"

Ben intertwined their fingers, guiding her back to their table. "Whatever you want, Diana."

Funny how she specializes in brain and spine because she's lacking the latter right now. Because buried deep inside her heart, she feels the same.

All of those confusing feelings are lingering in her mind and brain because of one thing and one thing only,

She loves him. She loves Ben.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was crying by the time i finished this one.
> 
> i know that i sound like a broken record but im really really grateful for every single one who took their time to read 😭💕❣️


	30. Raising the Stakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone from Ben Solo's past read the news about the charity gala and decided to pay him a little visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a smol psa! i dont have the slightest idea how surgery works so if you catch inconsistencies i apologize. i heavily relied on greys anatomy for the medical jargons and situations and i added some ✨zing and pep✨ to it

**Chapter Thirty: Raising the Stakes**

_This is fine. Everything is fine. I am fine._

**  
  
**

Those are the words Diana repeated herself. That night. The day after that. And then then the week after that. 

**  
  
**

It's amazing how she didn't burn her and Ben's bridge yet. Just a year ago, if a man changed his approach to her in the smallest, tiniest way, she's out the door before he could open his mouth.

**  
  
**

Because she has the perfect excuse not to. Diana convinced herself that she was just seeing things. Maybe it was just the romantic atmosphere of the night that made Ben act that way. Maybe it was the music. Oh yeah, definitely the music. 

**  
  
**

Are those really the reasons why she's letting this go on or Diana wanted it to happen deep down inside her? 

**  
  
**

It's the classic anatomy of, **heart says yes but mind says no**. She herself doesn't have the answers right now. It frightens her in the absolute sense to think about it.

**  
  
**

_Come on Diana, you're fine. You're good._

**  
  
**

Her head spins when she thinks about the way Ben looked at her. His eyes were so...transparent and expressive. Penetrative and vulnerable. His hold was lulling and gentle and he had no intention of letting go. 

**  
  
**

But she can't do the overthinking right now. Their intern exam is nearing and she wouldn't forgive herself if she failed that due to her own doing. Diana gave herself an ultimatum, if she passed it and became a resident, she _can_ think about it.

**  
  
**

_Just don't think about it for now. Don't._

**  
  
**

The plan is working so far on both ends. Because after the gesture Ben did, he didn't press about the matter anymore. Because he himself is waiting.

**  
  
**

He has come to the realization that he's been acting like he's running out of time to tell it to her. Looking over his shoulder frequently to make sure that nothing is coming to get her. But who would get her away from him? Exactly.

**  
  
**

It's Armie's brand to dive head on on things without deliberation. Ben has his own. He's the voice of reason and he's going to encapsulate that concept.

**  
  
**

She's good. For now.

  
  


Diana can play pretend. Ben can play the waiting game.

\---

"What are the signs of central infection?" Diana quizzed Finn who's currently slumped across the abandoned hall with her. Their journals and thick medical books are sprawled and opened in front of them.

  
  


Three weeks to go before the most important exam of their intern career. After enduring more than a hundred-hour per week in the hospital, standing for hours on end in OR, it's all coming down to a sit-down exam.

  
  


But Finn is not thinking about that right now. He's more engrossed on the article on the latest issue of Journal of the American Association that finally went out that morning.

  
  


"Have you seen these?" He asked, utterly impressed at the photos of him. "JAMA has a reputation for choosing bad photos. I assumed that they did me dirty."

  
  


"What are you talking about? You always look good." She narrowed her eyes behind her dirty prescription glasses.

  
  


"Puss, redness and fever." He enumerated nonchalantly the answers without leaving the page. 

  
  


The two friends have been like that for a while. Her crossed legs are starting to fall asleep and she has to stretch them out. Pushing the other books out of the way.

  
  


The edge of the page crinkled as Finn turned the magazine. His eyebrows raised mischiefly. "Oh, here's another one." He snickered. Eyes peeling off the page to look at her.

  
  


He cleared his throat rather loudly. Animatedly prepping his voice to read an excerpt out loud.

  
  


_"The event was attended by many names that helped in raising awareness the Solo Foundation Inc. has been tirelessly pushing years. One of the unexpected arrivals of the gala was the appearance of Dr. Benjamin Organa-Solo, the next generation, up and coming surgeon that will continue to carry the torch of the renowned name in the medical industry. The lady next to the promising young Solo is Dr. Diana Montgomery, his fellow co-intern at Alderaan Grace Hospital. The photo to the left captured the two sharing a joyous laugh during the photocall."_

  
  


Coming from a prestigious medical journal, it was a discreet passage and Diana couldn't be more glad with that. When Rose pulled her out of the lockers that morning, she read it out to her that apparently she's "Benjamin Solo's long-time girlfriend" and that they met each other at Harvard Med School years ago.

  
  


She's never seen her face taken in so many angles of herself in just one position. It's insane that she started to see things in her face that she didn't see before. Diana didn't even realize that she has three small moles at the base of her neck until now. Is that how celebrities feel? Diana could only just imagine the mental toll they experience.

  
  


Diana gave her friend a distracted hum to give him her opinion about the article. "Your turn. Ask me a question." Slightly shaking her shoulders as she started to feel her bones ache due to her unchanging position. 

  
  


"What did he tell you that made you smile like that?" Finn interrogated, turning the folded magazine to her. 

  
  


The anticipation dropped from her shoulders when it wasn't the type of question that she was expecting. "Babe, I meant a surgical question." Diana said, using their platonic pet name that they established for each other. 

  
  


"Still a question." Finn countered. Grinning. 

  
  


They did look very happy in the photo. The other less-formal magazines went right away to print out the one where they were laughing. It was the _money shot_. But JAMA opted to be different from the rest. They perfectly captured the moment when Diana just fully absorbed what Ben had whispered to her. Her mind was in the middle of deep thinking and full realization of his words.

  
  


Diana was radiating when she broke into her thought, looking straight at the camera and head leaning in to Ben to hear him clearly. Unlike her, Ben wasn't sparing any cameras a glance. He was staring straight at her smile. Proud and beaming as well.

  
  


"I forgot." Diana supplied, lying. She's too embarrassed to gush at Finn how Ben made her feel indeed perfect and validated that night. "I think he made a very good joke. I don't quite remember."

  
  


"Hmm. A joke so good to make you smile like that and yet you forgot." Tilting his head to the side as he refrained a chuckle due to Diana's weak attempt to lie. "Interesting."

  
  


"It is. Interesting" She muttered. "Now, what's Kahn's syndrome?" Diana found a good question to quiz Finn again. 

  
  


But he decided that he won't have it. "Did you get _dicked_ down good that night?"

  
  


"Did I get what?" Diana sputtered. Aggressively inhaling a gulp of giggle.

  
  


He gave her a look of disbelief. "Diana, it's Rose's role to get flustered with these things." Finn arched his brow, calling her bluff. "You're freaky enough that I heard you flinch and sigh when Ben only flexed his hand one time when he took a break from finishing his paperwork."

  
  


Busted.

  
  


"I mean- What's Poe like in bed then?" She asked back. Deflecting to answer his unfiltered question.

  
  


"Hey I asked you first. Do you notice how your 'long-time boyfriend', according to the papers, walks like he's carrying a huge package? How the hell can you still walk straight?" 

  
  


"I—ummm." Diana abruptly stopped. Her mind is unsure what to answer and be overly-defensive at first. "Anyways, so..."

  
  


No, he's not her long-term boyfriend.

Yes, she definitely noticed his manner of walking a very long time ago.

And yes, Ben Solo is _hung_.

  
  


The two co-interns just stared at each other wide-eyed. They are both frozen in place. Diana's face said it all. 

They both broke into a tearful, stomach-binding laughter. Diana let herself go, snickering as she felt the heat of excitement to talk about it reached her neck.

  
  


Diana pursed her lips, trying to contain her audacious scream. She's not a kiss and tell type. But Finn already saw them literally post-coital. What more damage she could do?

  
  


Finn has always been the one out of them who has the most unfiltered mouth. Poe comes second. Diana only comes third. Rose and Ben are still fighting for the last place. But his silentness compensates on how he likes to run his mouth when he's sweaty and grunting above Diana.

  
  


" _Very persistent._ " She hiccuped, swiping the tears forming in the waterline of her eyes. Diana heaved a deep sigh. "God, have you seen the way people looked at me this morning?"

  
  


Ever since the newly issued magazines broke out that morning, Diana has been feeling eyes looking at her. The other interns and younger nurses weren't even phased that she caught them judgily glaring at her during the morning rounds when she was walking with Rose.

  
  


"Babe, because the closest thing they did was touch Ben's arm. And now they can't do that anymore." Finn waved her off, turning another page. The photos were a message, Diana is the only who's the only one who's climbing Ben Solo like a tree.

  
  


In other words, it has been implied that the Prince of Alderaan Grace is off the market. They are dating, whether they always say that they're not. They are.

  
  


The confused look on her face pushed Finn to elaborate his sentence more. "When was the last time you saw someone approach Ben like before? Talk nonsense to him or give him coffee?”

  
  


Now that Diana has thought about it, yeah, it's been a while. Even Bazine's continuous pursuit of Ben slowly diminished. It’s because Ben was not really entertaining them anymore like before. He now only responds to important surgical and intern questions. Nothing else about the weather or some mundane things anymore.

  
  


Finn saw her realization. Satisfied, his back leisurely touched the wall behind him. "See? I don't know what you two are playing but you can't convince us that you aren't dating. There's no way in hell."

  
  


She nervously gulped. "Ask me a question. Surgical related, Finn. I mean it." Playfully giving him a glare. Now she wanted to really change the subject. 

  
  


"Fine." Her co-intern put down the glossy journal and picked up a medical textbook. "What's the strongest part of the small bowel?"

  
  


"Ummmm, it's..." She closed her eyes. Pushing aside the thought of Ben at the back of her mind. Her shoulders raised as she found the right answer. "It's submucosa."

  
  
The whole Ben thing can be procrastinated. But the intern exam can't. But with that decision, Diana is just digging her grave _deeper_.

\---

Before the nail-biting intern examination, there's going to be numerous evaluations and practicals that they need to get over with first. It would all around test their memory, efficiency and motor skills.

  
  


Today, other attendings from different hospitals are visiting Alderaan Grace. There's going to be an attending swap. A third-party surgeon is needed to complete the total evaluation of the interns. They said that it's needed so that the familiarity and comfortability the interns feel around their seniors will be taken away from them.

  
  


This is also their chance to impress the other surgeons that came from different hospitals. If they managed to get through the pressure and tests the visitor gave to them, it would look great on their evaluations. 

  
  


The interns' names are printed out in different sheets with their corresponding visiting proctor on the bulletin board. Listed in alphabetical order of their surname, Diana easily found her name. As well as Ben's and Finn's.

  
  


Ackbar, Gial

Connix, Kaydel

Montgomery, Diana

Solo, Benjamin

Storm, Finn

  
  


Her eyes trailed up to see who's going to be their visiting-surgeon. Her face dropped in shock. Her legs wobbled. Thoughts zapped in her head as soons as she read the name.

  
  


In italicized and bold letters it said, **_Dr. E. Snoke— Harvard University/Imperial Hospital_ **

  
  


Chief Calrissian's hands are tied about the matter. No matter how bad he wanted to blacklist the old, vile surgeon from his hospital, the supposed visiting surgeon was persuaded to recommend Snoke as his own alternate.

  
  


Huge names attended the charity gala, but Han and Leia made sure that Snoke wouldn't see a glimpse of the invitation. But he was cunning enough to snatch the position of visiting-surgeon from some innocent doctor from the West Coast when he saw the picture of the young Solo on the papers. 

  
  


Evandor Snoke is one of those egotistical surgeons who still didn't want to retire their scalpel and give it to the up and coming ones. The immensely cutthroat surgeon is mostly known for his questionable beliefs and unconventional teaching methods. 

  
  


Pryde only comes second when it comes to inflicting terror to the younger doctors. Tyrannization and constant mental beating are Snoke's sick leisure. He never laid a finger on anyone, but that doesn't mean that he never destroyed lives before. 

  
  


He almost destroyed Ben's years ago. Fully taking advantage of his vulnerability and coercing him to experience his surely unethical and unnecessary way of teachings. Constantly reminding and taunting him and he would be as never as good as his mother or grandfather.

  
  


He treats surgery and medicine like it's only for certain people. A secret society that only the most loyal and well-deserving person is allowed to go in. Like it's a calling and it should take unneeded blood and tears before one could hold a scalpel.

  
  


And now he's back. 

  
  


Diana felt fingers wrapping around her wrist, tugging her body out of the formed crowd before the board. It was Ben, looking extremely disconcerted.

  
  


"You're going to stand next to me all the time. Do you understand?" His voice is unwavering. Imposing and absolutely wouldn't take no for an answer.

  
  


"Are you going to be okay?" Diana responded by adding another question. Ben could tell that she's nervous as well. "Ben, you're freaking me out."

"Just tell me that you understand Diana." He impatiently grunted. Ben couldn't afford not to take the whole thing seriously. He is not going to be okay as long as Diana is on Snoke's horizon.

  
  


He just got back from talking with Chief Calrissian. Practically _begging_ the chief to transfer Diana to another group. That was the first time Ben used his name. And still it wasn't for his own benefit.

  
  


But the chief of surgery couldn't do anything about it that easily. It has the same standards and preparation in taking the Medical College Admission Test, it would take some time for him to pull out some strings.

  
  


If they both found it out earlier, changes could've been made. Hell, Snoke wouldn't even be here in the first place. Now Calrissian is regretting that he didn't blacklist the grim surgeon a long time ago.

  
  


After Armie's small revelation to Diana, Ben filled in her on the rest. It wasn't his proudest moment, he knew he did some things that were vile. Questionable and out of reach. Ben succumbed to the dark side for years and it wasn't a good picture. 

  
  


He was _Kylo Ren_. And Kylo Ren wasn't a man of good morals and right conduct. 

  
  


But Ben is not worried about himself even in the slightest sense. If he managed to tolerate it for four years he could do it for a day. He's worried about Diana. Being hyper-aware of Snoke's capabilities, he could see it now. Snoke could easily do mental damage to Diana for just 18 to 24 hours. He's that nefariously evil.

  
  


That wretched old surgeon has a unique way to demolish things. Snoke didn't attack directly. He sets it all up, pulling strings very far from the target then watching it from afar how it all falls down like a domino until it hits where it really hurts.

  
  


So he knew that Snoke wouldn't bother him front and center. He saw the pictures and he already knew how important Diana is to his former apprentice, making her perfect target.

  
  


"I do. I understand." She squeaked. Anxious at Ben's highly-strung appearance. Diana had never seen him give in to the stressful energy around the hospital until now. They still haven't seen the visiting-surgeon and that made Ben paranoid. Constantly looking behind Diana.

* * *

Ben didn't give much of a physical description of his heinous former-mentor. So her mind made up a monster. Suspecting that Dr. Snoke is the type of doctor who has unconfined wild emotions. Not afraid to wreak havoc on anyone. 

  
  


So when she saw the thin, wrinkled doctor maunder the small room silently with no powerful introduction, Diana was surprised. The deafening anticipation to see some big bad monster before her eyes quickly evaporated.

  
  


Ben placed them both behind the group. Her small figure is tucked between him and Finn. As if hiding her from him.

  
  


Dr. Evandor Snoke has a mysterious, cold and calculating persona. He has those menacing deep set of Tolkien eyes that can see deep right through a person. Easily pinpointing their weaknesses and naïvete and using it against them. He has a mysterious personality that if he’s a murderer, he’s a list of what and he would strictly stick on it. 

  
  


His hands are tightly placed behind his back. "I was humbly honored to know that I'll be performing two different surgeries simultaneously here in Alderaan Grace today." His words are sarcastic. He’s not yelling to get their attention. His scary demeanor made the young doctors stand in attention. 

  
  


"A pulmonary embolemy and a consult to the aortic transection. The second surgery would need a lot of hands so I'm going to divide this little group of yours to two." He leisurely paced back and front in front of the interns. 

  
  


Ben is staring straight ahead. Not sparing his former-mentor a glance. No signs to show that he's familiar with his presence. 

  
  


His effort made Snoke smirk. The saggy skin at the sides of his mouth curled up. "Ackbar, Connix, Storm. Scrub in for the transection."

  
  


The heads of the interns mentioned nervously bobbed. His untouchable aura suffocating them. His calm voice sounded icy and sketchy. Deceitful. Lulling them to safety so he could gut them easily. 

  
  


And then, Snoke chillingly stared straight at Ben. As if taunting him. Eyes mockingly applauding his attempt to get out of his radar. He knew that Snoke would only be here for a day and they both knew that he's going to make the best out of it.

  
  


His menacing eyes fell on the part of Diana's head that has been peeking. _Do you think you could hide her from me?_

  
  


"Solo and Montgomery. You're going to help me on the pulmonary embolemy."

\---

Ben couldn't focus. He's watching Diana too hard and too close. If he's walking straight ahead to Snoke's set-up trap, he didn't care. 

  
  


The three surgeons are already sterilized and scrubbed up in the OR. Their gloved hands are turned upward while they wait for Snoke to begin. "Scalpel." He demanded. Effortlessly claiming the authority and rule inside the operating room. Right now, it's _his_ OR.

  
  


The scrub nurse carefully handed the instrument to the surgeon. Without saying gratuity, he continued. "The incision begins along the left subcostal margin." 

  
  


The scalpel sliced the outer skin like butter. Drawing a straight line in the betadine-skin of the unconscious patient."

  
  


"Tell me young Solo," He started, after widening the retractor to open the cavity. "How do you do a pulmonary emboleomy?"

  
  


It's easy. _Too easy_. "I'd insert a steerable catheter into the femoral vein, then position the fluoroscopy adjacent to the embolus."

  
  


No sign of approval came from Snoke. It is the surgery that they're doing after all. So he decided to take it up a notch. "What would you do if the powerful suddenly go out?"

  
  


Diana's confused eyes moved upward to look at Snoke. Her face is covered with a surgical mask but that question threw her off. That came out of nowhere, making Pryde's questions like a Sunday waffle. 

  
  


"Or if you had to operate in a hospital that couldn't afford a fluoroscope?" He added. Almost _snoring_ on to the apparent simplicity of his elaborated question. 

Ben swallowed a grunt, biting back to tell Snoke to not underestimate him. That was the kind of questions Ben is used to answering. The complex ones nobody wouldn't even think about questioning. Even Pryde.

  
  


Without even stuttering Ben answered, "I would do a pulmonary arteriotomy. Directly visualize the clot and use atraumatic forceps to extract it." 

  
  


Diana was grateful that the lower half of her face is covered because she couldn't hold back the proud smile she just made. Though Ben's stance beside her is nervous and tense, he's managing to push through with it.

  
  


But it was just the beginning for Snoke. It's all a set up. Snoke lifted up his face, sickly admiring Diana's crinkled eyes. And he made sure Ben saw how he disgustingly enjoyed that part of her smile. Invasively roaming his eyes all over her.

The second stage is initiated. 

"Describe to me the condition of truncus arteriosis." He's grinning when he moved his eyes to look at Ben. Throwing him off on his A-game.

  
  


Snoke got Ben Solo where he wanted him to be. Even though Diana's body is completely covered, Ben immediately felt disgusted on how he looked at her. Making his stomach twist and churn. He's obviously using Diana to distract Ben. And sadly, it worked.

  
  


It was an obvious pimp, asking him an unrelated question far from the ongoing surgery. But Ben couldn't rack his brain to find an answer. It's a simple answer for the interns that even Bazine knows. He got side-tracked that he forgot the answer. 

  
  


He audibly gulped, losing the sense bit of his calmness all over his body. Letting the miserable apprehension drown him. He didn't know.

  
  


When Ben was awfully silent, Snoke once again held his gaze to her. It's softer and more amicable than Ben's. Lulling her into a false sense of security. "Dr. Montgomery, would you please tell me the _simple_ answer to my _simple_ question?"

  
  


Diana didn't see the malicious look Snoke gave to her. So when Ben couldn't answer a Level 0 question, she was completely puzzled. Especially when she saw that Ben was completely struggling to find the rights words.

  
  


"It's um, it's a single arterial trunk coming from the ventricles, sir." She squeaked. Sensing Ben's brimming distress next to her.

"Don't be nervous, Dr. Montgomery." He maliciously purred. "You are correct. Be confident about it." He said, with a hint pride laced on his deceitful voice.

  
  


"Young Solo," Snoke sneered. His approach between his former apprentice and Diana is vastly different. "Bested by a girl who doesn't even carry a legacy behind her back. Is this what you've become?"

  
  


Snoke deliberately made him invisible, only guiding Diana to the whole surgery. Teaching her the more efficient ways. Warmly friendly and inviting. He's sickeningly patronizing her every movement.

  
  


Diana wanted to reach out to Ben. Hold his hand even for just a second. She wasn't bothered at the thought of their visiting-surgeon seeing it. Diana just needed to reassure Ben. To let him know that she's there with him even though she's the one who's getting Snoke's innessential praises.

  
  


Not long after, the hurdle showed itself. The wall of the heart's patient is too thin that it blew a stitch. The monitor demandingly beeped. "She blew a stitch." Ben announced, trying to make himself useful. Knowing his worth and capability. "She could have a tear in her heart."

  
  


Snoke paid him no attention. "Give me the preledged 4-0 prolene. Put two fresh units of blood." He barked at the staff nurses who are up to their feet.

  
  


"I need to put the cannulas back in so we can empty the heart again. She needs to go back on bypass. Reheparinize and give me the tubes. Her atrium is extremely viable. It can't hold a stitch." Snoke announced, hands professionally mending the busted vein.

  
  


"I can do a horizontal mattress." Ben strongly volunteered, his deep voice is filled with emphasis and clarity. Trying to show his true capabilities.

  
  


"You can't answer a simple question and yet you're asking me to believe that you can do a complex procedure? Do you want to _kill_ this patient Dr. Solo?" Snoke unapologetically spat. The room fell silent, the non-stop erratic noises of the blood pressure surging down is the only noise. No one in their right mind would tell that to Ben Solo. To any of the doctors. It was a low blow and Snoke said it without blinking an eye.

  
  


Ben was stunned in place. He was watching Diana too close that he didn't realize that his walls were already broken down, making the words of the surgeon across the operating table poison his body with a lethal weapon. 

  
  


"Load more prolene and a new pericardial patch. Dr. Montgomery I need you to do a running whip stitch." 

  
  


"Dr. Snoke," Diana was obviously taken aback with Snoke's harsh words to Ben. "Dr. Solo has a cleaner way of doing a stitch than me. I think—"

  
  


"I am the attending surgeon in this OR Dr. Montgomery. That's an order, not a suggestion." Snoke said, giving her a place to stand. He recognized the much more simpler stitch Diana did earlier. Snoke knew right away that Ben taught her that.

  
  


"We have a place for another intern in Imperial. You said earlier that you want to specialize in neurosurgery. We have a prestigious neurosurgery fellowship there. It would be an honor to have you on our side."

  
  


That was _it_ for Ben. The victorious face of Snoke told him that it was his plan all along. Saying cruel words to Ben is just a constellation. He didn’t want to destroy Diana’s confidence, at least not for now. He was trying to recruit the most important person of his life. To entice Diana to continue her internship in Imperial Hospital, Alderaan's toughest competitor. To take her away from him.

  
  


To once again steal his happiness.

  
  


The thought of Diana leaving him was too unbearable that he fully shut down in the OR while Diana started to do the stitch. He couldn't hear the beeps anymore, just his painful, rattling breaths filled his ears.

  
  


Dr. Evandor Snoke won by a mile. He didn't need to focus his hits right exactly at Ben to break his spirit. Snoke easily manipulated Diana and let Ben watch it unfold. 

They just met. He just fell in love with her. Ben just got Diana. And now the idea of her slipping away from him is already on the horizon. The possibility of her leaving struck a nerve in him that he felt it smashed his heart.

Why is this happening now that he couldn't go on a day without her?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a 100 kudos?! A hund— oh my gosh thank you so much!! 💗❣️ i couldn't say this enough but im really happy that you're finding the story fun.
> 
> i was rereading the first 10 chapters of this story and im shock at how far they have come. they were just fighting over the little stupidest things and now they're here pining?! ugh we love to see it.
> 
> ,,,,,,,,,,,so umm the kylo ren persona may or may not appear on the next chapter. maybe we're going to put the "kylo ren is not nice" tag to a good use 👁️👄👁️ that kylo "im not gentle" ren type
> 
> thank you for reading!! 💗💗


	31. Vices & Virtues- Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist"  
> -Roger "Verbal" Kint, The Usual Suspects

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! this is the 1/2 chapters for the double update. i had to break them into two. we need to have a moderate intake of angst and smut.
> 
> *subtly changes the rating to explicit*
> 
> enjoy!

**Chapter Thirty-One: Vices and Virtues- Part I**

Snoke's repetitive persuasion and Ben's murderous stare at him threw Diana into a predicament.

  
  


The mental tug-of-war of the two surgeons gave her a skull-crushing headache. Somehow, without any vicious verbal tennis between Snoke and Ben, she still felt like it was her fault that this is all happening.

  
  


Pride and any tinge of accomplishment was non-existent when Diana finished the stitch. She should be proud of herself. It's one of the best stitches she has done for a while. Tight and coiled. But the way Ben looked, she couldn't do anything but stand there uneasy.

  
  


Snoke's overzealousness with her mediocre surgical performance made her stomach twist and churn in uneasiness. He's making her a vessel to stomp and crush Ben's existence into dust. And she's nowhere happy about that.

  
  


Diana could taste Ben's bitter disdain and palpable hatred to Snoke from where she's standing. It’s formidable. He despised him so much with his body and soul that he's almost vibrating with fury. His jaw is set and clenched behind the white surgical mask. His curled fists are almost breaking the white latex gloves coated with blood.

  
  


The OR staff couldn't bear the raw overpowering energy around him that they meekly took a step back away from him. They were even trying to control their awkward breathing behind their masks. Just leaving the noise to the stabilized beeping of the machines.

  
  


It's visible that he's on the very edge of releasing his consuming rage that all of the staffs' shoulders are tense, anticipating any harsh actions from the young, famous surgeon. Lash out. Storm off. Jump across the operating table and punch Snoke square on his irksome saggy jaw. 

  
  


The options are limitless. He wouldn't hesitate to grab a ten blade from a meek scrub nurse and sever Snoke in half without blinking an eye. He would let everyone watch. He would even surely let Diana watch. To let her know that no one could take her away from him.

  
  


_That_ . That is _Kylo Ren_ unflinchingly choosing out his options laid out on his mind. And if he did any of those, if he threw the first physical fit, he would just admit how Snoke played him easily since the very beginning. That even though he redeemed himself and went back on being the charming Ben Solo, the black-hearted and monstrous Kylo Ren would stay with him forever.

  
  


The trauma he buried deep down came back from the dead. The scars of his mental beating appeared again. His explosive indecisiveness and deadly sensitivity to criticism are bubbling up to his throat like acid. 

  
  


Snoke fully took advantage of his naivete and uncontrolled burning passion. He got Ben with his sharp dirty talons by luring him with a promise that he would embrace his true self at his most vulnerable moments. Fostered his inadequacy and expectations that he felt have placed against him and urged him. 

  
  


If Snoke manipulated him to tether his ties to Han and Leia years ago, he could do it with Diana. The two young doctors are not so different after all. Highly competitive and want to build something from the ground up. 

  
  


The ground rumbles beneath his feet. Ben felt like he's losing his own damn mind. The paranoia settled under his skin like an itch that he couldn't scratch. He hasn't got anywhere with Diana yet but it feels like he's already losing her.

  
  


No, not yet.

\---

  
  


Ben ripped off the surgical mask on his face when he went back to the scrub room after the surgery. His elbows tapped the button to let the water flow on the huge metal sink without touching it. Aggressively cleaning and scrubbing his huge hands until the foam of the povidone-iodine soap reached his elbows. His harsh fingers almost scratched himself.

  
  


A wide transparent glass at the top of the industrial sink gives a clear view of the operating room. The flat OR table is once again empty and clean. The mounted televisions and machines are turned off. It has already been sterilized. Nobody is in there anymore.

  
  


He had given Armie strict instructions to pull Diana out from Alderaan Grace the moment he found out Snoke was in the area. Put her in their car and take her to the condo right away.

  
  


Like a venomous snake, Snoke slithered behind him. His eerie presence made Ben scrubbed his skin more. "It's a shame that I haven’t received an invitation to that charity gala your loving parents coordinated." He crooned. Voice drawling with derision as he stood tall a few feet away from Ben.

  
  


Gritting his teeth under his quivering lips. Ben coldly answered, "Only important people are invited. You're far from being one." His resentful agitation almost blinded . 

  
  


Disregarding Ben's comment, Snoke sucked his teeth before speaking. "Eager little sweet thing, isn't she?" He asked. 

  
  


His fists curled at the vile horrid nickname. Ben pushed the button of the sink rather loudly. Internally surprised that it didn't come flying on the room at the impact. Snoke didn’t need to say a name for Ben to know who he's talking about. "Don't drag her in on this." He warned. 

  
  


Snoke only sardonically hummed. Acting as if he didn't know what he was talking about. "I was scouting for a new student. Fortunately, she fit the profile. Curious, full of determination, always wants to be better." He enumerated.

  
  


"Stop." Ben's pointed tone bit the air harshly. He felt repulsed with how Snoke talked about her.

  
  


"Stop talking about her." He continued his warning. Gripping the edge of the aluminum sink hard so he could stop himself from giving Snoke a piece of his mind. He's going to dent it at any minute now.

  
  


Snoke remained unbothered. Continuing his gut-churning admiration of Diana. "I like doctors like her if I'm being honest. _Women,_ they always go for the extra mile to prove something. So eager to learn. So curious. Surely her burning passion benefits you other than here in the hospital, young Solo?"

  
  


He could taste iron in his mouth. A pinch of blood settled in his tongue from tugging his bottom lip hard. Ben would do anything to keep that disgusting mouth shut. "Snoke leave her out of this."

"Clever for you to get her out of my sight quickly." He groaned in dramatic frustration. Like a unruly kid deprived of dessert. "If she already looked perky while wearing an austere scrubs she must look exquisite not wearing—"

  
  


Ben didn't let that disgusting old man finish his vile thought. His head whipped immediately. His feet took quick, pounding steps to get close to him. Clutching his scrubs and yanking him forward. Almost lifting the frail body of the surgeon from the floor. "Keep her out of your fucking mouth or I swear to God—" Air flaring in his nose.

  
  


"Or you'll kill me?" Snoke _yawned_. Concluding his threat for him. "I know you're capable of that but, predictable. You were not even hiding the fact that you wanted to kill me. But tell me this, Dr. Solo. How do you think she would react if you murdered an innocent, old surgeon?"

  
  


Ben gave him no answer. A high-pitched whine drowning his hearing. His chest is heavily rising up and down. Nose flaring in fury and rage. The odds of him crushing Snoke's windpipe when he continued to run his mouth is high.

  
  


"I have this great feeling that she already knew who you were before." Snoke chillingly theorized. Not even half-ass bothered that his toes didn't touch the ground anymore. "She looked extremely worried about you earlier. Like she wanted to console you."

  
  


"But do you know why she didn't try to come near you?" He sinisterly continued. Manipulating him once more. "I think you scared her, _Kylo_."

  
  


His left eye involuntarily twitched at the name. Ben took a step back to check himself. His grip loosened, artlessly putting Snoke back down. The hot anger coursing through his veins is taking full control of him. The large vein on his neck is popping out. He's seeing red.

  
  


Snoke smoothed out the wrinkled fabric of his scrubs where Ben's fists just curled earlier. "Don't worry, I'm not going to take her away from you. I'll let you enjoy her for quite some time." His withered finger drawing a cross where his heart is supposed to be. Establishing a promise. He's talking about Diana like she's an object. A toy that he's willing to share with Ben.

"Leave." Ben ordered. "Leave Seattle right away and don't come back. Lando put you on the blacklist. It will be effective tomorrow."

  
  


Snoke cruised to the door. "Don't tell me that he just thought about that right now. Tell Lando he's becoming slow. Try to keep up." Without sparing Ben another glance, he pulled the door and made his way out.

  
  


The ghost of the past is gone. But its presence will linger.

* * *

"Are you sure he's not mad at me?" That's the umpteenth time Diana asked that question while she anxiously sat at the backseat of Armie's car. 

  
  


Diana felt like she's been put into maximum security. The one thing Armie didn't do earlier was cover the back of her neck and yell at people to clear the way. 

  
  


And for the umpteenth time, Armie answered with the same thing. "No, Diana. Ben's not angry at you. Seeing Snoke just.... provoked a lot of unpleasant memories." 

  
  


"Ugh, you should've seen his face, Armie." She leaned her head against the window with a thud. Her pounding already made their way to her temples. "Ben looked so defeated and so angry."

  
  


Armie could see that look with his eyes closed. He lived with that look for four years. "Snoke coming to Alderaan shell-shocked him. I know it's not a pretty sight but it will pass. It would be better for you to be there with him."

  
  


Her chest is still filled with fret. "Yeah, I guess you're right." 

  
  


Rose twisted to look back at Diana in the backseat. Reaching for her knee to give it a comforting tap. "Have dinner with us before we drop you home? You look pale."

  
  


Diana smiled gently as she squeezed Rose's hand. "That 5-hour surgery took a toll on me." Diana shuddered, remembering Snoke's over-patronizing words while Ben refrained from pouncing the old surgeon. "I think I'll take a raincheck on the dinner. I need to take a nap."

  
  


"Alright. We're almost there." Rose replied. Giving her knee one more tap before letting go.

"Diana?" Armie moved his up to look at her in the rearview mirror.

  
  


She lifted her head from the window to acknowledge Armie.

  
  


He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. "The thought of Ben angry at you. It's making you restless."

  
  


For a while, Diana just blankly stared at him. Unsure what to make out of Armie's words. Because it's true. She shouldn't be this agitated in the first place. But she does. "Yeah. I mean, I'd act the same way when you or Rose did the same thing Ben did."

  
  


Diana's feeling that way because she actually cares about what Ben thinks of her. She's afraid that Ben might be thinking that she's flattered with Snoke's commendation and constant praise. She's far from being flattered.

  
  


Armie almost didn't buy it. But Rose gave her boyfriend a warning pinch to not extend that subject further. Their intern exam is approaching. Ben has just been visited by an evil professor and Diana's head is throbbing with migraine.

  
  


She could put that thing aside for another day.

\---

  
  


A huge breath of air got stuck in her throat as she gained consciousness. Her bones felt rigid due to her prolonged uncomfortable sleeping position. She couldn't hear herself think three hours ago due to her pounding migraine three hours ago. So as soon as soon as her head hit the pillow, she was out.

  
  


Diana was completely disoriented as she lifted herself up. Realizing that she slept with her work clothes still on. They have been highly encouraged to wear a more formal attire as their first year of program comes to a close. Her houndstooth pencil skirt matched with black turtleneck long-sleeve were great to tell a deceiving story to the hospital that she's a composed surgical intern who's nearing to be a resident. But it wasn't the ideal set for her to have a comfortable sleep.

  
  


The thick curtains on the wide window to her left that gives them the full view of the skyline and distant lights are pulled together. Diana couldn't see a thing because of the darkness. "Ben?" Her voice croaked as he called his name. Remembering what went down earlier.

  
  


It was quiet.

  
  


Diana has never been afraid of the dark. But it's a different story when she just woke up from a deep nap that almost sent her into another dimension and the first thing she saw was nothing. 

She's just staring into a void. 

  
  


She couldn't explain it, but when Ben didn't respond, she felt the sudden urge to open the lampshade on Ben's bedside drawer. Her arm extended to open the lamp. _Scampering_ to open it. Slight safeness washed over her when she finally got a good view of her surroundings. 

  
  


Diana scooted back to the part of her bed to pick up her glasses. Her phone, vintage Casio watch and pack of Camel and a lighter that she bought at the gas station when Armie pumped gas are messily scattered on her bedside table. 

  
  


She's not a smoker. Full stop. _Here comes the but._ But when stress becomes too exhausting for her that it gives her an immensely bad headache, she bums a smoke. It's not something to be proud of. But after smoking one (always only one) cigarette, it clears her mind. Maybe she can light one up later.

  
  


Her feet touched the hardwood floors. She ungracefully made her way out of the room to check for any signs of Ben's arrival. It's still the same way as it was when she walked past it earlier. No lights are opened. Untouched.

  
  


Diana had this creeping feeling that she wanted to walk with her back against the wall. The silence has no calming white noise. It was hollowed. Frighteningly empty and still. She's convinced that she could hear a pin drop.

  
  


Almost afraid to speak loud, as if something will come racing to her out of the shadows if she makes a sound. She cleared her dry throat before calling out again. She held the ledge to look at the floor below. "Ben." Her voice came out in a weak squeak. 

  
  


The abyss didn't answer back.

  
  


The breathing that's coming from her nose is labored. And mixed with her pulse, it seems like she's the one who's making the loudest sound in the penthouse. For so many months of staying in his place, this is the first time Diana felt uncomfortable. 

  
  


Diana almost ran back to their room, straight to the bathroom. Opening another light to make sure that no one's there to drag her to the depths of hell. She needed to get out of this pretentious outfit. As she quickly lifted the hem of her top to make sure that no one is staring at her, Diana is aware that she's becoming paranoid. 

  
  


The fabric of the pencil skirt bunched at her ankles as she unclasped the fasten to the side. Her toes swiping it from the floor with her hand ready to catch it to throw it in the hamper. 

  
  


Her hands went down to her thighs to unfasten the tight garter belt that holds up her stocking all day. Agent Provocateur will never stop on making Diana look like she's ready to have sex anywhere and anytime. But the Seattle weather is so unforgivable that no one could wear a skirt without putting on a stockings.

  
  


She felt a little more at ease when she shed off her clothes. Bending her neck from side to side. The muscles on my shoulders are excruciatingly tense and tight. She has never been stressed like this since sophomore year of med school. A hot bath is perfect for tonight. But she needs to light one up before Ben gets home.

  
  


Now half-naked, Diana made her way out of the bathroom. She needs to make a phone call to give herself peace of mind. But after a few rings, it went straight to voicemail. She scratched her scalp before putting her free hand on her waist as she listened to Ben's recorded voice. Telling her to leave a message after the beep.

  
  


"It's me. Can you at least tell me where are you? Don't tell me that you're doing the whole cold shoulder game again... Right, okay, bye."

  
  


After heaving a miserable sigh, Diana picked up the pack. It's the menthol one. She was so embarrassed about her purchase that she didn't even let Rose or Armie see it. Ungracefully peeling off the plastic, she tapped the bottom of the case to her palm repeatedly until a stick came out. 

  
  


_Am I really doing this?_ Diana asked herself as she played with the white stick between her pointer and middle finger. Without giving it much thought, she shrugged. Tapping the filter once again on her palm before putting it between her lips.

  
  


Her eyes trailed back to the drawer to light it up. Diana became extremely unsettled on the realization. The lighter wasn't there anymore. 

  
  


Fuck. Oh fuck.

  
  


In an instant, Diana felt dizzy and nauseous. It just registered on her mind that she's half naked. On the highest floor of the condo. And apparently **not** alone.

  
  


The unlighted cigarette limped in her mouth as she stood frozen in place. Assessing everything. She's 100% sure that the lighter was there when she just woke up. She saw it. It’s not hard to miss a bright blue BIC Classic lighter. Diana is not going crazy. 

  
  


Just as she was about to reach for her phone and call 911, she heard the sound of the flint strike. Once. Then someone did it again and again until it flared, creating a small fire before it was turned off again. The hairs behind her neck chillingly stood up. _Jesus fucking wept._

  
  


It's not far away from her. She could hear its restrained, rumbling breathing a few feet away from her. Coldness spilled in the room. Shiver zapped in her spine. She doesn't have any choice to confront the monster standing behind her.

  
  


Diana pushed down her pulse stuck in her throat. No one could hear her scream in here. Her and Ben proved that fact many many times before. There's a large figure hiding in the shadows. Strong, masculine outline standing at the threshold. And right away, Diana learned that she doesn't have the strength to bring that man down. 

  
  


She stood still, afraid that the large, faceless figure would end her life before she could even blink. Diana is staring straight at it. Clueless on how she would acknowledge its predatory presence.

  
  


Out of all the things she could have said. Diana said the dumbest thing a human being could say when faced with his adrenaline rushing situation. “Who’s there?”

  
  


After a slight rustle, the figure took two heavy, territorial steps. As the figure steps out of the shadows, Diana is conflicted whether to feel safe or continue to be scared. 

  
  


The stealthy predator that has been stalking the frightened prey in the dark is the owner of the penthouse.

  
  


Ben is still in her formal, impending doctor attire. The sleeves of his sky blue linen shirt are folded until it reached his elbows. His chin is tilted down, making his dark eyes more striking. If Armie said that Ben is not mad at her, she should take a picture and send it to him right away.

  
  


His left hand is in his pocket with his other hand is holding the lighter. Atleast it’s not missing anymore. Diana wanted to laugh at how small it looked between his fingers. But she couldn't. She's a (half-naked) dear caught in headlights.

  
  


"I... I just called you." She said. His invasive wild eyes that roamed her body made Diana cover up. Which is very surprising. "I didn't hear you come in."

  
  


Ben just continued to stare her down. Surveying the curves of her body as he comes close to her. His dress shoes hit the dark hardwood floor very slowly. If she wasn't intimidated by his massive presence before, oh she surely is now. 

  
  


The power dynamics between them changed. With how Ben looked at her. Diana was literally stripped out. Ben is the more powerful one. And she's like a woman waiting for her man to come home. He looked so strong and imposing. And Diana, she looked like she's about to get debauched.

  
  


They're face to face now. Diana didn't have something clever and witty to say tonight. She's just waiting for him to say something. Without uttering a single word, Ben started to bend down, claiming her lips. His hands held the side of her head, claiming what his. 

  
  


Like his daunting demeanour, the kiss was rough and domineering. He didn't give her much time to adjust with his sudden action. Earning a surprised yelp from Diana while they were lips to lips. Ben is kissing her like he didn't see her for so long. Like he didn't kiss her just that morning. Concernedly hungry. _Consuming_.

  
  


His other hand snaked below her jaw, a signal to part her lips. When his tongue slipped in her mouth, Diana's eyes shot open. He tasted different. His soft yet firm tongue is burning inside her mouth. It tasted woodsy. That's the whisky she's tasting.

  
  


It took a minute for her to pull away because Ben's not letting her go. He still wanted to deepen the kiss. Get a little more. "Are you drunk?" Ben is extra aggressive tonight and she's confused whether she would feel turned on or scared.

  
  


Ben's completely sober. But he's acting like he's not. He quickly went in for the neck. Nibbling and biting her thin skin. "Is this the one I bought you?" His hands feeling her up. Even his breath felt hot and spicy. 

  
  


The feral groans coming from his throat is making her knees weak. "Ben," She said, trying to peel off his surveying hands. Trying not to get drowned with his sturdy presence. "I think you're drunk."

  
  


" **Shut** the fuck up." He aggressively squeezed her cheeks, stopping her from squirming. "And you were trying to smoke. We're not so good like we're telling people, are we?" 

  
  


Diana only whimpered when she got a sight of Ben. He didn't even look like the Ben she knew. He looked _unhinged._ He's not playing a part. The pupils of his eyes are blown out. Raw, untamed power is emanating through him. She's cowering in fear and carnal desire. And Ben smelled it right away.

  
  


"Are you scared?" Ben dirtily taunted, fingers still squeezing her cheeks. "You should be. Because god only knows how long you're going to be sore after tonight." 

  
  


He pressed her shoulders down. The metal clattering as his deft fingers unbuckled his belt. And as fucked up as it gets, Diana instantly got wet with the sound. "On your knees. We're going to put that smart mouth to use." 

  
  


As his zipper came undone, he grabbed a piece of her hair to push her closer. When Diana didn't do anything. Ben got madly frustrated, yanking the hem of his underwear walk by himself and pumping in right next to her face.

  
  


"Why the fuck are you acting like this is the _first_ time you saw my cock." Gritting his teeth at his own hostile contact. He gripped the base of his shaft and smack his entire length to her cheek and face. "Suck it whore."

  
  


He closed his eyes when he felt her lips wrapped around his head. " _Yes._ " He hissed. Her whimpers and whines when she went for it just made the feeling euphoric for him. "That's it."

  
  


Her tongue languidly swirled around the tip of his cock as she bobbed her head up and down. It looked like Ben didn't need a pre-game because he's already rock hard. And Diana is having a problem to stuff him inside of her mouth because of his enormous girth. 

  
  


Ben is watching her like a hawk. Mouth parted as continuously letting out an audible labored breathing. He lowly groaned when he felt Diana hollowed her cheeks to suck more of him. Her pretty lips stretched around his red and angry dick. Only a small part of it is disappearing inside her small mouth. He smugly chuckled at her effort. She's only starting though.

  
  


She started to pick up her pace. Pre-cum are smeared all over her mouth as she slurped and hummed around his heavy cock. Her tongue tracing the protruding angry veins. Her head is swirling in motion, savoring how masculine Ben smelled and tasted on her tongue.

  
  


"Nice and deep." He encouraged. Knotting his fingers on her hair as he pushed her head a little deeper. Diana sputtered as she maintained her speed, making his dick twitch in pleasure. 

  
  


Ben reached out to the discarded stick of cigarette on the bed beside him. Placing it between his teeth flicked the lighter open. The lewd sounds of her gagging and sputtering is utter heaven that Ben couldn't help to light one up.

  
  


"Look at me." He took a drag to maintain the light. Blowing out a smoke through his mouth. Diana pathetically mewled at the sight above her. She just found out that Ben Solo could get hotter. "Having a hard time to stuff my cock inside your pretty little mouth?"

  
  


She only moaned in confirmation, pulling a little bit before pushing back again. Reaching much farther than she could reach before. Her nose is starting to run. Eyes are glistening in tears due to incessant force poking on her face.

  
  


"Yeah?" He mocked. Taking another drag. This time, he let out the huge billow of smoke in his nose. Diana rolled her eyes back. That went straight to her wetting core. 

  
  


She continued bobbing her head up and down. Slicks of drool and pre-cum are dripping to the floor. Licking every ridge and edge her tongue could reach.

  
  


Ben finished the cigarette in no time. The ashes messily scattered on the floor mixed with the dripping heady liquids. They could deal with that kind of mess tomorrow.

  
  


He sinisterly grinned. "Time's up, messy girl." Once again gripping her hair. With an eager growl, he thrusted his hips with so much vigor that it hit the back of her throat. 

  
  


Diana _retched_ as her forehead pressed his happy trail. It took her by surprise. Furiously tapping his thighs and pushing his knees as she tried to pull back. Clawing her way out of him. Her lips have become swollen red. The tears are now flowing down her face. 

  
  


"Fuck." Ben hissed, his eyebrows are furrowed in intense pleasure. Pulling her back to give her a searing kiss. "You look gorgeous gagging all over my cock baby." 

  
  


Diana is a sobbing mess. Mouth agape as she inhaled bug gulps of air. Her other hand is mindlessly jerking his dick. The spit and slick that coated his rigid shaft are letting out a wet squeezing sound with every flick of her wrist.

  
  


"So fucking pretty." He raised his chin as Ben curiously studied her disheveled state. Putting his thumb to the side of her lips which Diana hotly sucked. Looking at her with that big, teary eyes as he gently caressed her cheek almost pulled him out of his sinister, borderline evil demeanor and just wrap her in a burrito and finally confess his feelings. 

  
  


_Almost._

  
  


"Can't get enough of that tight little mouth." He mused, inserting his two fingers inside her mouth. Pressing her tongue hard before burying it. Shoving it deep.

  
  


The pleasurable intrusion of his fingers elicited another verbose gurgle from her. Barking a cough. Without any ceremonies, Ben corked her mouth again. His dick that has been standing in throbbing attention disappeared in her throat. But this time around, Ben didn't let her pull back.

  
  


"Swallow it whole. You can't just have part." Ben called her out as he huffed, as if teaching Diana what to do. 

  
  


The unbudging pressure of Ben filling her made her squirm between his strong, muscular thighs. She wanted to tell Ben that he's too big and too girthy for her, but her mouth is too full to form coherent words.

  
  


"You have to take the whoooole thing or nothing." He gritted his teeth. Fists gripping her hair nears her ears. Fucking her throat as she let out a wet, gagging noise that made him toss his head back. 

  
  


Diana should give herself more credit because she's handling the wonderful assault. She felt even better, more intense, more depraved. She was completely submissive, controlled by his carnal whims.

  
  


His persistent face-fucking is making her jaw sore. Her whole throat is making a loud _gawking_ sound. And Diana is sure that that is not the only part of her body that's going to feel sore.

  
  


"Oh, fu-Christ. Just like that baby." She knew Ben's about to cum when he started to repeat her name endlessly. With every utterance, Ben rammed her throat. Trying to make himself last.

His hips stuttered. Grunting in blinding rapture as he drowned her throat with thick spurts of his cum. His wide chest heavily rising and falling as he looked down on her to admire his messy, sloppy work.

  
  


Tears, spit and cum are glossing up her lips. Absolutely and unquestionably face-fucked. "Ben." She said, voice all scratchy due to the recent debauchery.

  
  


The massive man grabbed her elbows to stand her limp body up. He pushed himself back to the bed, sitting her on his lap with her back on his chest. Legs wide open as his arm held the front of her chest. He nibbled her ear. And in a bone-chillingly whisper he said, "Ben's _not_ here."

  
  


She finally met Kylo Ren. Sniffing her hair and holding her close. And the night is still young.

  
  
  



	32. Vices & Virtues- Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Error 404: Ben Solo Not Found
> 
> Part 2/2 of the double update! If you saw this first this is the continuation of the latest chapter, Vices and Virtues. I had to cut it because it was too long for one chapter. So if you see this first, there's a part I of on the last chapter before this💕💕 Enjoy!

**Chapter Thirty-Two: Vices & Virtues- Part II**

Diana isn't as puzzled as she thought she's going to be when Ben said that. He's tenacious when it comes to sex. Always rough. But he's not holding back tonight. He's violent.

  
  


His now half-hard cock is tucked upright back to his black underwear, ready to be unsheathed later. She's trembling under his touch as Ben positioned her in front of him. He still looked mannerly with his clothes on. Authoritatively controlling the room. Truly powerful and dominating.

  
  


While Diana, on the other hand, is already tainted. Wearing a seductive intimate apparel that _he_ bought as she's currently cage with _his_ strong hulking body. Already corrupted by _his_ lustful intemperance. And she couldn't wait for more.

  
  


He rested his chin on the crook of her neck as he felt her up. Watching his own hands wander around her lace-cladded body. Hot and heavy squeezing her inner thighs until it reached the clothed curve of her sex. 

  
  


He lifted up the lace cupping her core, swiping the same two fingers that gagged her earlier. "Did I do this to you?" The dulcet tone of his voice asked her. Fingers easily collecting her slick arousal before pulling it up in the air. Pulling it apart to show to her the cobweb-like strings of her wetness. Making her squirm and writhe with need. 

  
  


"That's all me." Kylo hummed in triumph. It's pitifully glistening in the warm light coming from the lamp. "Here, you better taste how I made you feel." His thumb is circling between the pad of his finger. Messily smearing it to her bottom lip like a lipgloss, down to her sternum, then to her stomach and back again to her mound.

  
  


Diana knew that the fidget that she just did is not because of her arousal. It was a twitch of concern when she saw the wounded skin on his right knuckles. She didn't see it a while ago at her sunken angle. "Your hand." Diana said in concern. Small amount of blood from his peeled skin is dried up probably due to the impact. He must have punched something. 

  
  


Kylo glanced at the thing she's fretting as he methodically swipes his fingers back and forth to her wet slit. The red bruising on his knuckles next to her black panties created a powerful destructive aesthetic. Vigor and dark grounding force mixed together.

  
  


Hands are the most important asset of a surgeon. It's their life. And when there's a generation of Organa-Solo blood flowing through the veins, it's the _crown jewel of all hands_. Aside from having a huge size, Kylo's has the most regal hands. Robust yet elegant. Long, nimble fingers and soft and unblemished skin.

  
  


And Kylo didn't care if he got the crown jewel ruined. He needed to punch something a while ago and Mitaka's quiet locker was the poor target. The quiet metal locker absorbed his wrath. It was an obvious destruction of property. He would write a check tomorrow.

  
  


Diana has the regal fingers' undivided attention. Rubbing her core in tight circles. Pliant under his attentive touch, making her hips buck in desperation. She couldn't do anything but to wriggle and plead and pant.

  
  


"Don't worry about me." His mouth is pressed against her sweaty temple. His other hand groping his tits under her bra while the one below is leisurely opening her lips. "I can't wait to taste it." She could hear him baring a fang with his vehement wish.

  
  


Diana is not able to hear how pathetic she was sounding. She's babbling. Words coming out unintelligible tangled with her moans. But Kylo can. And he didn't have a plan on stopping whatever makes her like that. 

  
  


The onslaught became faster as his fingers flatly pressed the hood of her clit. Rubbing and pressing it harder. Twisting and rolling her nipples to intensify the velvety sensation enveloping her. "I love the sound of your wet pussy, Diana." 

  
  


With Kylo's strings of naughty words and her wet, pulpous sounds, it just made the ropes building up in her lower abdomen tighter. 

  
  


"Oh! God, please. It's too much!" She backed her body up closer to Ben, closing her legs. He's not stopping. He's not even giving her a breather. Diana's attempt to escape the overwhelming feeling benefited Kylo more. Grinding his groin, waking his monster again.

  
  


" _No_ , it's not." Kylo said as a matter of factly. Smugly grinning next to her like he's more familiar with her body than her. Lips pressed against her hair sticking on her cheek. Yanking the hem of her stocking apart to jerk her legs wide open. Reminding her who's in charge. "I want this." Lightly tapping her prodding clit before rapidly continuing what she interrupted.

  
  


Her mind is entirely blank. Nothing is occupying Diana's thoughts right now. Kylo's filthy words and promises blocked her mind from thinking any other ideas. Hypnotising her to solely focus on her own pleasure. To only think how good Kylo makes her feel.

  
  


"Are you going to cum?" He taunted. Smiling as he fingered her more. Her panties are rolled into a thin fabric, pulled to the side. The duvet under her are unapologetically drench with her juice. 

  
  


Yes, she is going to. Diana slumped to his chest, the strength of his legs anchored her writing thighs and hips. Putting her in one place. She looked up vulnerably. Blurily seeing the unadulterated elation etched on her face.

  
  


"Do it." He darkly challenged. Fingers getting more and more soaked as seconds passed. "Cum on my fingers like a good girl you are." 

  
  


"Oh, shit. Shit. _Shit._ " Her face crumpled in pure ecstasy. Sniveling as her eyesight started to get awfully bright. Her body became so worn out that she completely collapsed against him. Melting.

  
  


The hand pawing the swells of her breasts darted up to her chin to hold it when she started to fight against it. "Ohh," Kylo mocking awwed. "Where do you think you're looking at? I want to see that pretty face."

  
  


"Good girl." Kylo said in a soft, low voice when Diana stopped squirming on top of him. Kissing her the tip of her shoulder as he gently caressed her quivering thighs.

  
  


Diana's eyelids fell. Still weak at her the wave of her orgasm. Her slumped torso is slightly moving forward and back due to Kylo's heaving chest. After a few seconds, he shifted behind her. Slipping out of the bed as he tenderly laid her back on the bed. Her head touched the pillows once again. But this time around, her hair is more mused. And she is more exhausted. Legs still bent open as his hefty presence left her.

  
  


Kylo thought that Diana is a sight for sore eyes. The hills of her tits are exposed, the cups of her bra are pushed down. Her fingers are softly touching the thin lacy material of her garter belt covering her navel. Her dainty figure is all worn out already. He didn't even start yet. 

  
  


The metal of his belt clinked as he pushed his pants down. Diligently staring between her legs. Worshiping her glistening cunt. All pink and moist for him. The linen of his shirt crinkled, snapping the buttons off. His hungry eyes did not leave her lace and stocking clad body.

  
  


"Were you proud of what you did earlier at the surgery? You outwinning me?" Kylo needled. Muscular ridges and edges of his massive structure. Surveying her hazed stupor. Very solid looking. Very dangerous.

  
  


She feebly shook her head from side to side. Her eyes only a slit open, not having the strength to close her legs. "I'm not." Diana said, almost sobbing. His enormous stand made her more scared and attracted at the same time. 

  
  


He's hard again. His cock is standing on attention as it easily hits his groin. Seeking for Diana's warm and tight comfort. His palms dipped into the mattress, slowly crawling over her body. His shoulder blades curling and flexing with his stalking actions.

  
  


"Where were you?" Diana weakly asked, staring at her legs as Ben's wide frame gradually cover her body.

  
  


He just stared at her. His head dipped, giving her a soul-sucking, open-mouthed, soft-lipped kiss. Flavors of whiskey and menthol are dancing in his tongue as he slipped inside her mouth. 

  
  


Kylo gave her a frenzied kiss all over her body. Like he's getting a drug high off of it. His starving groans sent vibrations all over her skin. Waking her up. 

  
  


The tips of his hair tickled her as he continued his descent. Audibly nibbling and pecking what his mouth could reach. "Here." His hands clasped the thin side wings of her panties in a very unfriendly way. Impatiently tugging it as if he's testing its durability. Kylo thought it's called _delicates_ for a reason.

It just registered to her what he's about to do. Diana reached for his hair, trying to stop the inevitable. "Ben, wait—"

  
  


In a swift tug, her flimsy material that binds panties has been indisputably ripped because of his hostile pull. Kylo didn't even use a percent of his strength. "They were in my way Diana."

  
  


The hot flare coming from his nose is hitting her core, making her clenched the sheets tight. Only now with a garter belt and stockings underneath, Kylo growled. Inhaling her sweet scent before burying his whole mouth in her hole.

  
  


"I could eat this tight cunt for days." He lowly mused. His slobbering lips not leaving her folds as he devours her whole. He possesively gripped her thighs. Creating partials tears and runs on her stockings.

  
  


"She's all mine." He audaciously declared in the hot air that surrounded them. Diana's broken cries and whimpers didn't even drown his territorial grunts. 

  
  


His tongue viciously lapped and slurped her weeping core. Sucking her slit like it's an ambrosia. Nectar of life. _This is so much better than the cigarette and whiskey._ Ben thought as he continued to give her weeping pussy a tongue bath.

  
  


Her back is arching because of his relentless swirling. Diana's chest is stuttering, her soul is being sucked out of her by the ravenous giant of man between her legs. Trying to get his tongue deeper than it already is.

  
  


Kylo is _mocking_ her labored pants. Humming the sound she's making as he abused her pussy. He pushed the back of her knee up, making sure that he wouldn't leave any crevice unbattered. 

"God," He cursed under his breath. His thumb and pointer finger spreading her folds. Now being totallu accessible and wide open for both of their pleasure. "How do you taste sweeter every time I eat you out?"

  
  


Becoming more and more sensitive as his prodding tongue opened her up. Diana pulled his hair harder than intended. Kylo _ate_ that all up. Growling as he pulled her hood to finally suck her blood-swollen clit. Unmercifully sucking it.

  
  


"Oh fuck! Ben. Ben, please." Diana is writhe in the intense pleasure. It's starting to get painful. But she knew that she's going to regret it if he told Ben to stop. She's feeling the expensive walls of his bedroom crushing her in. Her racing pulse are ringing in her ears. 

  
  


Kylo didn't hear any of that.

  
  


When Diana tried to get ahold of his head and attempted to stop his finger from fucking her whole, Kylo knew she's now on the homerun. "I'm not finished with you." He flicked the swelling nub again and again. The velverty scent of her arousal is driving him wild with his own untamed lust. Eating her heart out until she's gushing on his mouth and fingers.

  
  


His persistent slurping and sucking broke her. Soon, Kylo felt her whole body starting to quiver. The orgasm made her legs shook uncontrollably, her mouth yelling a soundless scream.

  
  


It seemed like her mind had drifted off to somewhere else. Far, far away from Seattle. Kylo laid his head back down on her thighs and watched as her pussy pulsed with contractions for a couple of minutes and eventually she relaxed and resumed her long slow breathing. 

  
  


Her hair is all over the place. Beads of sweat covering her forehead and chest. Now feeling like a ragdoll. Diana couldn't keep up with Kylo. Throat bruised. Inner thighs bruised. Clit and pussy swollen. Her brain completely shut off.

  
  


"My perfect little whore." He twisted her limp body around. Face and stomach buried on the mattress that now smells like arousal.

The fast slapping of his fist made Diana muffled a whine against the duvet. "Ben, I can't. You're too big." She's fearing for her life. 

  
  


Kylo is far from done. 

  
  


"Stop whining. You can do one more." He didn't like what she said one bit. Kylo's open palm sent flying to her ass. Smacking it hard. Smoothing the curve of it before whipping her other cheek. "I know it's big but you've taken it before."

Diana yelped and flinched forward with his every stinging hit. Staining the duvet more with her tears. Of course, making her asscheeks red and sore is on Kylo Ren's list. The spanks Kylo makes sound like cracks of a whip. Her face is hot and flustered. Her hair is sticking on the side of her face. The crimson made home to the apple of her cheeks with his every tight spank. 

  
  


Then he stopped. Pushing her wet hair out of her face to get a good look of how he ravished her. "How about this? Do you want this?" He suggested. His thumb made its way to the hole exactly _below_ her pussy.

  
  


That broke her out of her lustful reverie. Diana quickly grabbed his wrist when she felt him poking her puckered hole. "No. Ben, we talked about that before. I can't—" She begged. He would _kill_ her if he attempted to put himself in there. Not with enough preparation nonetheless.

  
  


"It's okay. I won't." Kylo crooned. Sparing her. Even in the middle of being back to his dark and demonic persona, he wouldn't hurt her in that kind of way. "Now be a good girl or else."

  
  


He went back on smacking her ass. Eye twitching at every ripple of her skin. Definitely enjoying it. "Are you going to listen to me now?"

  
  


"Mmhmm." Diana breathed out. Mewling as she bent her knee near her torso. Loving the hot, stinging pain at her backside. 

  
  


"Yes, what? Say it." He titled his palm this time. His sinister calm voice is encouraging her into full submission. 

  
  


She wouldn't resist it if that's what he's asking of her. "Yes, doctor." 

  
  


Kylo couldn't contain himself when he heard her. He crouched, peppering the back of her left shoulders with rough kisses. 

  
  


He pulled her ankles, bringing her closer to him. "Get on all fours. This one would hurt too. But I know you'll like it." He ominously encouraged her.

Diana arched her back. Ass up in the air as she meekly held her weight on her elbows. His hands spread open her ass, spitting in her cunt. "I'm going to fuck all your worries away." He promised. Words getting tangled in impatience. 

  
  


Then, a shiver tantalized her when Ben rubbed his weeping tip at her still-swollen entrance. A blunt tip pushing in her tight entrance made her sexy-arched back flatten. 

  
  


" _Fuuuuuck._ " Kylo drawled as she felt her tight walls clamping all around him. His palm pressing the end of her spine to push her down.

  
  


Face down in the bed, Diana wailed a sob. His throbbing cock splitting her wide open. Pussy gripping his shaft as he mercilessly thrust his hips forward and backward.

  
  


"Oh," Kylo staggered. Clamping his lips with his teeth. Eyebrows crumpled in pure utter bliss. Moist lips parted as he watched how his _bull_ cock appear and disappear inside of her. "You feel so good." 

  
  


Her head is moving forward as his every aggressive thrust. Her wild moans are getting muffled. Wind getting knocked out of her lungs with every brutal pierce that would surely leave a mark. 

  
  


"A bitch in a heat." He spat. Having a hard time forming words. Shit. Massive cock filling in her tight pussy. "I'm going to ruin you for everyone, I swear to God. You're only meant to take my cock."

  
  


Diana is so brainwashed and fucked-out that she completely agreed on what Kylo is droning on and on. No other man could satisfy her like he does. Not in a million years. "I love your cock, Ben." She whined desperately. Far from being lucid.

  
  


"I know you do." He leered. Maintaining his incessant railing pace. "You're mine, aren't you? You belong to me." He grabbed her hair, tugging her head back. He's quickly losing his control, pounding her faster and harder.

  
  


"I'm all yours, Ben." She slurred her confirmation. Even in her discombobulated mind, she still calls him Ben. He's deep in her guts, _claiming_ her. Overpowering her every action that makes her eyes roll in sinful pleasure. 

  
  


He yanked her hair, raising her torso up. Looping both of her elbows to his arm. Making her meet his vigorous, hasty thrusts sitting. Hips to hips. His other hand firmly holding her neck.

  
  


"I want you." He confessed. Despite ramming his dick in her, it didn't sound lewd and salacious. Tilting her neck to the side to meet her gaze. "I want you more than I've ever wanted anyone." 

  
  


"You already got me Ben." Her pupils are scarily dilated. Thighs wetly lapping with his hips. "I'm here." Talking without thinking. Back and mind blown out.

  
  


He needed to see her. Kylo held his waist. Possessively manhandling her as he easily lifted her up. Turning her body around practically slamming her down back to the bed. 

  
  


Kylo hovered, emotions are becoming steeper. His thrusts are still deep and fluid. Still on a mission to churn her insides. But his recklessness is slowly dissipating when they're bodies are pressed against each other.

  
  


Her knees are bent. Diana's hands are holding his arms resting on both sides of her head. Pushing and piercing himself into her. 

  
  


With how they held each other close, it became sensual and passionately all of the sudden. Ben's hands didn't hold her throat. Instead he reached for hers, intertwining their fingers together to both sides of the bed.

  
  


Ben buried his head on the croom of her neck. His heavy breathing against her ear isn't laced with filthy and indecent words.

  
  


"Are you going to leave me?" He genuinely asked. Ben is not goading her. His voice is morosely strained. Like it's a huge effort not to make his voice crack.

  
  


Diana is too exhausted to distinguish the wetness on her neck. Sweat (hers or his or both)? Arousal (his or her or both)? But she didn't think that it might be tears. His tears. Because right now, Ben is _crying_.

  
  


"No." Her answer is a small whisper in the air. 

  
  


Ben didn't hear it. So again, he said it. With much more emphasis this time. "Don't leave me. _Please._ " Almost breaking.

  
  


Diana forgot her neurotic overthinking. Her mind is entirely flushed. "I won't leave you Ben. I promise, I won't leave." She moaned. The impending wave of her third orgasm is nearing. 

  
  


He lifted his head up to look at her. Diana is flustered, entirely blissed out. Beautiful. He let her adjust to the pace this time. Both of them now thrusting and pushing in perfect unison.

  
  


They're both getting closer. It's purely intimate. And it's the best goddamn thing in the world. 

  
  


His moist pillowy lips softly catched hers. Diana is stroking and cupping his cheek. The room is getting clouded with their labored breathing.

  
  


Ben groaned against her lips. His thrusts are becoming sloppier. Her walls are clamping him in. At one last piercing nudge, they both come undone. Lips pressed together. Moaning as they cum.

  
  


The high is gone. Kylo Ren is gone. And now the peace entered. 

  
  


Diana mindlessly played with the wet tips of his hair. Slowly slipping into a post-coital slumber while Ben softly nibbled her collarbone. Then the swells of her breasts. Dragging his parted lips just to relish her more. Adore and show devotion to her body.

  
  


By the time Ben rolled over, Diana's breathing became stable. Eyelids fluttered close. Asleep. Not worried anymore. Ben slowly pulled the stockings from her legs. Destroyed and ripped holes.

  
  


Ben gently pulled her close against his chest, protectively embracing her while his chin rested on top of her head. He closed his eyes. This is all he could ask for. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there goes the kylo ren moment of the story!! 😭😭 i hope you guys enjoyed reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it 💗💗
> 
> it took long to write that smut because i kept pausing sksksk i think that was the longest porn i wrote and i couldn't breathe! i had a porn checklist to make sure i wrote it all down i— 
> 
> and i also found a way to segway the story to its conclusion. i dont want to put a chapter count yet but i think im sure that we can reach its ending before/on chapter 40. epilogues and all that stuff!
> 
> so if you reached this part of the notes, i just wanted to say how thankful i am for taking a time to read this. i love that we all had fun with the story. this is the first fanfic that i posted on the internet and i'm so happy to see that there are many of us enjoying it.
> 
> i hope you have a good day and stay safe!! xoxo


	33. A Solo Conundrum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben's being crowded. "What's that supposed to mean?" His forehead creased. Gradually becoming stressed out with all the information being thrown at him at once. He’s having a hard time to process all of it.
> 
> "It means her personality is a hybrid of Samantha and Miranda from Sex and The City." Finn answered like that would make more sense to Ben. It just made him more confused and perplexed than he already was.
> 
> _What the fuck?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a little cool down chapter. enjoy! 💕💗
> 
> Chapter Theme Song: Accidentally In Love by Counting Crows (bc shrek is god tier cinema)

**Chapter Thirty-Three: A Solo Conundrum**

At first, when Diana felt her body lifting up away from the buttery soft bed, she thought that she was so deep in her post-coital slumber that she could feel her body levitating. She got banged by _Kylo Ren_ so hard that she was given the power to astral project. 

  
  


The thuds of footsteps softly bouncing through her body nudged her to consciousness. The shaky movements made her raise her limp arms that are dangling to the floor. Slithering it up behind his back when she found out that Ben is carrying her in real time. 

  
  


Diana stirred, shakily inhaling as she held tightly on him while they move. "Again? I'm tired, Ben." She exasperatingly whined. Voice is still scratchy from all the whimpering and screaming and begging.

  
  


A chuckle rumbled in his wide panel of a chest. Vibrating on her arms pressed against her. "No more. We just need to get cleaned up."

  
  


Ben observed the blossoming soreness in her skin. The first stage of red generous circles of hickeys and love bites are showing up on her neck, chest and inner thighs. 

  
  


He could also start to feel the long, stinging scratches behind his back. Replacing the old, almost fading one with sharp new ones. Their intense, uncontrolled emotions got the best of them. And they're really going to feel that in the morning.

  
  


The lights are dimmed when they entered the bathroom. Ben bent his legs, gradually sumberging her to the tub before climbing in. The oval-shaped tub is already filled with warm water and bubbles. He had a wide selection to choose from while he was waiting for the water to fill the tub earlier, courtesy of Diana who went ham on buying different kinds of bath products when she and Rose went out one time. 

  
  


He used to prefer the efficiency of the shower until Diana filled the matte grey panel of the tub with products that made it look like that it's a wizard's potion collection. One time, Ben thought Diana went out without leaving a note in the middle of the night. He couldn't find her anywhere only to find her still soaked in the tub for an hour when he began to turn his own house upside down.

  
  


The tub also didn't escape Ben's unending desire to fuck Diana's brains out in every space that's remotely possible to accomodate the two of them. It was wet and messy and hot. _Literally._ With all the bubbles and water splashed on the bathroom floor when they were done, they had to walk carefully to not create an accident that will make them the patients in the exact hospital that they're working for.

  
  


The warm water and the relaxing smell of eucalyptus recoiled her tight and sore muscles in an instant. Diana opened her heavy-lidded eyes, smiling at the sight of the bubbles on her knees and stomach. Like a snowy mountain in Vail.

  
  


His breaths are coming through his nose. Quiet and stable. The water below them is letting a satisfying swirling and drooping sound due to their small absent-minded movements. "Stay here in the house tomorrow." Ben said in a tone of request, putting her wet hair to one side. Ghosting his lips to her tender shoulders ever so gently. 

  
  


"I can't." Diana answered, relaxing her back more to his chest. Playing hookie as their 1st year of residency nears its end is not very tempting.

  
  


"I'll stay too." He continued his persuasion. Putting his forearms over her waist under the bubbles. Softly touching her in every way he can.

  
  


Diana giggled, looking back to her shoulders. "What happened to the super competitive Ben Solo that I met?" The familiar moles and freckles scattered on his face that she's seeing every day and night made her smile brighten up more. "No, we're both going to the hospital tomorrow."

  
  


_He fell in love. Irresponsibly._ Ben didn't answer, only letting out a failed sigh. 

  
  


"It's not like this is the first time I went to work sore, Ben." She continued. Her wet fingers tracing the faint stubble forming on his chin. 

  
  


_Touché._ He grinned with victor. "I'm well aware of that. I just thought that I overdid it this time."

  
  


"You didn't." Diana reassured him with a half-smile. Lifting her hand and watching the water on her fingertips cascade down on his hulky forearm. And doing it repeatedly.

  
  


He let her do the fingertips thing for a while. Just watching how dainty and delicate her skin looks compared him. After a long beat, Ben finally talked, "I'm sorry." Reaching for her hand that’s slightly suspended in the air and holding it. Kissing her open palm with so much regret and ingenuity.

  
  


The refrained crack of his voice crushed her chest. Ben just looked lonely all of a sudden. While he firmly held her wrist, his eyes are miserably downcast. Mentally exhausted. 

  
  


"You didn't hurt me." Diana comforted. Cupping his cheek after the kiss. "I mean, you didn't _hurt_ hurt me. I would've tell you to fuck off right away if I didn't like it."

  
  


Diana felt his strong jaw set under her touch as he let out a dry chuckle. It's clearly still bugging him. "He activated my flight or fight response." Ben started. Not bothering to mention Snoke. "I couldn't hear myself think while we were in the OR. That sick fucking asshole kept berating me in every single thing I did. Even when I breathe."

  
  


"I know, I saw that." _Sadly._ Diana slid her palm down to his chest. Stopping his simmering anger as he recapped the whirlwind of events that transpired just hours ago. The water sloshed between them as she turned around to fully face him. "Rose told me that Armie was a little disconcerted all day as well." 

  
  


The pad of his index and middle finger traced her spine up and down as he rested his elbow to the side edge of the tub. "That creature has that curse on the both of us." He held Diana closer to him to have a grip of reality before that dark place breathes into his neck again.

  
  


"He gave me the heebie-jeebies too if that's what you're saying." Diana shuddered for a moment when the surgeon's purring voice briefly echoed in her mind. 

  
  


What she had felt was more than just the heebie-jeebies. "He won't come back again. The Chief made sure of that." Ben promised. His look became sharper when he saw fear flickered in her face for a while.

  
  


"I'm sorry." Diana said. Face etched with subtle sorrow. She knew that even though Ben told her everything she needed to know about that part of his life, she would never really understand the pain he felt.

  
  


His brows furrowed. "Don't be. You didn't do anything wrong for you to apologize." Ben Solo doesn't take a time to look straight in his eyes to the mirror and see behind his eyes what used to look like. He's now too busy to look at her.

  
  


He stopped himself to lean towards her. To reach for the back of her head and pull her into a kiss with no sexual motive. Just because he wanted to feel her lips between his again. The kind of kiss that's barely there, almost only hovering, but he can still feel the tiny gasp air Diana makes when he does it.

  
  


But Ben doesn't have the liberty to do it whenever he feel like it because Diana is resistant to it when they're not on the time frame of sex. Kisses on the lips are the only introduction they have when they're about to get hot and messy. That's it.

* * *

It's amazing and nostalgic how the halls of Alderaan Grace turned into a university hallway in the middle of finals all of a sudden. The first year interns are slumped everywhere, loitering. The senior residents are not barking at them to clear it this time, they're giving them a free pass. They’ve been there, they’ve done that.

  
  


It would suck to repeat everything that happened in their first year of residency if they flunked this. Aside from repeating to do scut work and basic procedures, the burning and excruciating embarrassment to be an intern once again while the others would be a resident is the bitter icing on top. It’s a fortuitous event that there's always going to be one and they're currently juggling and passing that title like a hot potato. No one wants to be that person.

  
  


"Tell me what atenicaratosis is." Diana quizzed Poe as she tapped the bundle of thick white flash cards on the floor. Ben, Armie and Rose are across the hall with them, studying as well.

  
  


Poe blew a long raspberry, combing his sleep-deprived mind of answers. "It's uh, premalignant lesion. Not just for old people but for everyone. Okay, your turn. Which fluid resuscitation is used in acute burn?"

  
  


"Packlin formula." Diana winced, pulling her bottom lip to her mouth as she touched the appearing acne under her chin and jaw. The dark-colored bags under her eyes are not enough for her body to punish herself from studying all night after walking and running around the hospital all day. No, breakout is necessary.

  
  


Poe clicked his tongue. Slightly repelled at her actions as he grabbed her wrist to stop her from touching it. "Diana, stop touching it. Do you want a scar? Jeez."

  
  


"I missed one night on doing my less than 5 step-skin care routine and this is where I ended up." She replied. Running her tongue under her chin. Pissed at the itching on her face. "Whereas Ben washes his face with like, some bougie 3-in-1 soap and yet it is still as clear as the sky. Soap Poe!"

  
  


He couldn't help to grin. That's the third time Diana managed to slip his name into their conversation. "What, you can't help touching something _red_ and _swollen_ when it's near your face?" Poe quirked his brow. Proud of himself to create a double entendre at such a short amount of time.

  
  


She swatted his arm. "Poe Dameron." Her words are tight and pinched. Like a mother calling out her unruly child.

  
  


He's unfazed. Now that the jig is up, he decided to continue. "Two, three pimples are bugging you so much to the point that you want them to bleed from your scratches but those hickeys in your neck don't bother you. Amazing." Poe wittily remarked. Sarcastically in awe.

  
  


Diana silently gasped, cupping the marks now exposed. The coverage of the make-up over it must have faded. " _Cállate._ Like I didn't catch you sporting one before." She swiftly said. The bites scattered around her neck are now between the purple and green color stage that made it look like it's more painful than it already is. 

  
  


No one dared to mention their swollen receipts and love bites peppered around the two for a week. On two separate occasions, the gang put two and two together. Plus, Ben and Diana tried so very little to hide it.

  
  


Ben Solo forgot about the stinging pain on his back just two days after that Rose had to clamp her hand over to her mouth to minimize the loudness of her gasp when she saw the long scratches on his back while they were in the locker room. Preparing for the day.

  
  


_"Are you alright, Rose?" Ben had asked her in concern as he put on his scrubs. A slight confusion on his face when she was looking at him like he's a Hydra._

  
  


_"Huh? Nothing." Rose answered, gulping the words she really wanted to say. I'm perfectly fine. Are_ **_you_ ** _alright, Ben?_

  
  


Armie's eyes, on the other hand, almost fell into its sockets when she saw the grip and mark of Ben's fingers on the side of Diana's waist when she pulled the V-shaped neckline of her scrubs to wipe her chin with it. She did well with camouflaging the ones on her neck, but she didn't think about the ones below.

  
  


" _Malo._ " Poe responded. Diana thought that her friends only got the idea that they are sleeping together when Armie walked in on them that one unfortunate time in Ben's house. But they were already repelling the on-call room and opting to take a nap on the vacant stretchers instead long before that accident took place. And for _one_ reason only conducted by the _two_.

  
  


"Okay, we're getting off-topic here." Poe scratched the side of his head as he laughed. He shuffled the flash cards, choosing a good question to quiz her. "What acid based finding do you classically get with significant vomit. Give me atleast three answers."

  
  


"Let see. Hypokalemic, hypochloremic, metabolic and..." Before Diana could wrap up her answer, fast squeaks of shoes coming closer and closer to them made all of them pick up themselves from the floor and stood in attention.

  
  


Kanata's scrub cap is already tied around her head. Her scrub operating gown is still untied. She was in the middle of scrubbing in on a surgery before finding her interns. "Okay, I know all of the interns are temporarily barred from going into the OR. But the attending surgeon needed a pair of hands on a hemiglossectomy. I only need one."

  
  


"I can do it!" Diana frantically raised her arm in an instant that she almost uppercut Poe beside her. Across the narrow hall, Ben was the only one who raised his hand on the offer. "I raised my hand before Solo!" Diana quickly added. Fingers already flexing in desperation. Wanting to feel the latex around her hands right this moment. A week is too long for her to be distanced from the OR.

  
  


"What's up Ben, cracking under the pressure?" Diana teased when she saw Ben didn't put up a fight like he normally used to when there's a rare surgery for a limited amount of people. But that attitude of his was roughly six months ago.

  
  


All eyes are on Ben, who was about to say a witty comeback. But he caught himself, breaking the intent gaze he unknowingly held at her. "...You can have it."

  
  


"We don't have time for this. Montgomery, scrub in. We're about to start." Their resident surgeon turned around with Diana hot on her heels.

  
  


The odd thing was, the young doctors other than Ben and Diana were just complaining about the fact that the interns are not allowed to go into the OR and cut until their exam is over. But when Dr. Maz Kanata brought out the offer, they didn't take it. Their fists are clenched, exchanging each other a knowing, determined glances. Supporting and telling each other to not raise their hand. 

  
  


When Diana got a good distance away from them, they all turned their shoulders to face Ben. Shoulders are squared. Staring at him headstrong.

  
  


The tallest doctor of the group took a small step backward when he saw the steadfast look of his friends. Ben stood there confused with his eyes narrowed. Like a giant getting cornered. "What is going on?"

  
  


"Ben," Rose, the smallest of them all, talked first. "This is an intervention."

\---

"I'm here! I'm here. Am I late? The sound of Finn's shoes and frenzied questions echoed in the hall. 

  
  


"Just in time, Finn." Armie answered. 

The serious look in their faces made Ben felt like he has a secret addiction. Dr. Benjamin Organa Solo just got cornered for imminent, perfectly planned intervention.

  
  


"Intervention in what? I'm not addicted to anything." Ben scoffed. Surprised at the unexpected turn of events. He had to blink a couple of times to make sure that this is really happening. 

  
  


"If there's anyone that should have an intervention it should be Diana. She just finished the second Tums I bought her last night when we were studying." Ben let out a free, unrestrained laugh as he looked down at the floor. Running his fingertips at his lips as his chest moved with his melodious laugh. "She was popping one every time she got an answer right."

  
  


He rode his laugh for a while. Remembering the image of Diana sitting cross-legged on their bed, catching the fruit-flavored tablets that she tossed in the air with her mouth. He shook his head, Ben couldn't help to smile widely.

  
  


Ben titled his chin up to catch their gaze again. Realizing that his mind drifted away for a while. When the tall, stoic, usually neutral-faced and reserved doctor beamed radiantly all of the sudden, the doctors realized that they made the right thing to do the intervention.

  
  


He stood up straighter when he discerned the reason. Ben crossed his arms across his chest, becoming guarded again. " _Oh_ , okay. Right."

  
  


"Dude, you got to tell her that you love her. I lost count on how many times you stared at her earlier when we were studying. I’m kind of scared that her full name is the only thing you’re going to write down on the exam." Poe began. Slowly breaking him into the talk. "It's getting unbearable at this point."

  
  


"It's not a matter of life and death." Ben defensed. "Diana's too focused on the exam. I am too focused on the exam. We're both focused on the same exact thing. It’s not the right time.”

  
  


"The apocalypse wouldn't happen if you said it." Finn continued to knock some sense into him. "You two are just using the exam as a perfect excuse."

It's true. The ball is now in her ballpark after what Ben did at the party. He couldn't do anything about it anymore. And it's just prolonging both of their agony.

  
  


"You guys know Diana. I know her better." Ben exasperatedly chewed the inside of his cheek. Slightly getting worked up about now that he's forced to take a glimpse of the truth they've been avoiding. 

  
  


"We agreed on things being casual. Whether I liked it or not, I have to wait. Or just maybe be contented about what we currently are now instead of fucking it up." He continued, his large hands moved around as he talked, emphasizing his point.

  
  


"Casual?" It didn't sound like a mockery. Finn really looked genuinely puzzled. "There's no casual hooking up that lasts for six months, Ben. That's a starting milestone for long-term relationships."

  
  


"And there’s no couple fighting in hooking up. That's listed in the relationship section." Poe butted in. Urging Ben to remember the nasty fight (other than the engagement ring scare) he had with Diana a while ago that ended up with him sleeping on the couch downstairs even though he has a guest bedroom.

  
  


"I think it's because you are both cynical." Armie said. "And Diana is the only one who beat your cynicism that's why your situation is so painful to watch."

  
  


Ben's being crowded. "What's that supposed to mean?" Ben's forehead creased. Gradually becoming stressed out with all the information being thrown at him at once. He’s having a hard time to process all of it.

  
  


"It means her personality is a hybrid of Samantha and Miranda from Sex and The City." Finn answered like that would make more sense to Ben. It just made him more confused and perplexed than he already was.

  
  


_What the fuck?_

  
  


Rose raised her hand to stop the boys from talking when she noticed Ben's rising agitation. "What they are trying to is, Diana told us once that she didn't understand avocado ice cream and that she would never _ever_ try it." Rose paused. Looking at Ben to see if he's following what she's getting at. He was just looking at her anxiously. "Then days later she practically bathed with avocado ice cream. It's insane."

  
  


"In short, Diana really needs a great big push because she has this tough circumspect with the things she didn't try before. We're saying this not to tell her right away, that's up to you. But you can't wait for it too long because that is clearly not working out." Rose finished her constructive essay. Leaving the boys to nod their heads in approval.

  
  


They are so bad at communication that their friends had enough of it and took the matter in their own hands. 

  
  


Ben heaved a very deep sigh. The whole thing is both out of their comfort zone. Diana is not the only one who’s struggling with her feelings. Even Ben can't articulate what he’s feeling as well because she’s not letting him. So if she is not willing to do it then neither will he. It's not like he didn't try. He considered it numerous times whenever the opportunity was clear and open. But every time it arrives, he backs out at the last minute.

  
  


There were only **two** times where it was on the tip of his tongue that he nearly blurted it out. The first one was when he let Diana drive his car on their way to the hospital. Ben tossed her the keys when she told him that she learned to drive at 10 years old. Little did he know that it meant that she drives like a 10 years old and never really improved from then on.

  
  


She's NOT a cookie-cutter good driver. It's hypocritical for her to pinch Ben whenever he's driving fast when she's taking corners at 40 mph and slamming brakes. She too is prone to speeding and almost running to red lights that made Ben think that they would arrive in Alderaan Grace not as doctors, but patients.

  
  


_"Slow down, Diana. The light is red, not orange." Ben reminded her. Leaning hard on his seat while holding the handlebar above the door. The_ **_oh shit_ ** _handle._

  
  


That day, she would either be in a fight or be in an accident and Ben was so flabberghasted and weirdly smitten that he was tempted to say "I love you" that could go into two different ways:

  
  


  1. It would calm her down and finally let her know it… maybe she would safely pull over and say it back



  1. Or it would just ignite her road rage and make everything worse



  
  


The second one was when they were wrestling each other on the bed. Diana was on her back while Ben was pinning her down to the bed, wrists on both sides.

  
  


_"Go ahead, you're not even trying to escape." He playfully taunted as he breathed heavily. Ben had dipped his hips against hers. Preventing her from moving._

  
  


Their squirming spreaded legs were crinkling the crisp sheets. Diana's energy quickly diminished because she was laughing and breathing too hard. She was trying to hook her legs around his, finding the perfect opportunity to gain the upper hand. Yeah, _like she had a match._

  
  


_"Too strong." Diana weakly laughed. Twisting her wrists to escape his confinements._

  
  


_"What? Too strong?" Ben smugly grinned. Breathily grunting as he anchored his legs down. "I'm not even making an effort here. I'm just holding you."_

  
  


His luscious dark hair was covering the sides of his face. Ben dropped his head down, pressing a victorious kiss just beside her nose. She turned her head from left to right with a smile on her lips to throw him off. 

  
  


Ben was still holding her wrists down. He didn't even budge a centimeter. He lifted his head, both of them are still chuckling and panting while they look at each other. The sides of their eyes were crinkled from their smiles. Then slowly, it died down. 

  
  


They stayed like that for a while. Bodies pressed together. Both vulnerable at the moment. Ben's eyes were sparkling behind his disarrayed hair. He was deeply and longingly searching her eyes. If Ben was looking for something, it didn't take long for him to find it because Diana matched his gaze.

  
  


Ben Solo's god-like strong hold loosened. A metaphor of himself when he's this close to her. They had a momentarily look of understanding. But just when he's about to say something, Diana successfully hooked her legs. Flipping him off to switch their position that they almost fell down on the bed. 

  
  


_"I got you!" Diana said in such triumph. Hands exhaustedly up in the air. Successfully maneuvering the energy of the room._

  
  


_Ben held her waist. "You got me." That's all he could say in the moment. A fact that he couldn't elaborate more even if he wanted._

  
  
  


"Thank you." Ben said, passing out his appreciation to his co-interns, soon to be co-residents, as he removed himself from his reverie. "After the exams, I'll give it a thought."

  
  
In translation: _The moment we become resident surgeons next week, I'm going to finally tell her._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> confession is in order!!


	34. The End of an Era

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Success, happiness and champagne
> 
> chapter theme song: Honey by Robyn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> four months into writing this fic 😳 thank you so much for taking the time to read!! 💗

**Chapter Thirty-Four: The End of an Era**

"Can I borrow you for a minute?" Diana tucked the phone on the crook of her neck, grabbing his arm to stop him from walking.

  
  


Her touch made Ben stop the momentum of his intense, heavy walk. He looked at her expectantly, instantly dropping his unapproachable, stereotypical surgeon glare while draping his black stethoscope on the back of his neck.

  
  


"How's your French, Dr. Solo?" She whispered. As if someone of the other line might hear her act of using a lifeline.

  
  


The question piqued his interest. "Are you booking us a vacation in Nice? I should be the one who's making that call if yes." Ben grinned, putting his hands on the pockets of his coat as he made himself closer to her.

  
  


"Stop it. I'm not that confident on my exam to book us a vacation in Europe." Diana exaggerated the rolling of her eyes. "Holdo told me to learn more about the trial Coruscant Memorial Hospital in France did about their coma fix. Her patient is still unconscious seven days post-OP. She needs new ideas."

  
  


Diana thought she would never see the light of day after submitting her examination booklet to the proctor after checking her answers over and over again. But here she is, five days after, cheating her French on the natives who are notoriously ruthless to the people who butcher their language as she waited for the letter that would tell her whether she would finally be a resident doctor or she would pack it up and travel to another dimension and maybe change her name. Hopefully the first one would be her answer.

  
  


"Is that the one where she removed a portion of her patient's temporal lobe?" Ben ran his fingers through his hair as he asked the reason for her long distance European call. 

  
  


His eyes inquisitively fell on the note laying on the circulation desk near her. The sterling silver pen that he gave to her that felt like eons ago is uncapped. Prepared French sentences are scribbled in her cursive writing. Ben's smile lines on the side of his mouth deepened. Warmly smiling at her efforts of not butchering the language.

  
  


"Yeah, it was a tough call. She had to do something to stop the bleeding." She paused, listening to the other line for any movement. Nothing. She’s still on hold. "Anyways, could you please help me? I'm only a few steps away from pissing them off with my bad French because I can't conjugate my verbs. Especially today where we're about to receive the letter from the board about our exam." 

  
  


Even though Diana told him several times that she "fucked up" the prognosis part of the test, he is sure that it's far from being fucked up as she was telling it to be. He truly knows her now and he truly knows how Diana likes to think two steps ahead. Two steps ahead of pure pessimism and worst possible scenarios.

  
  


Diana has been doing that for a while now and Ben has noticed it. In every little thing she does, she creates a mind map that lists all the worst possible outcomes. There's a name for that. A _perfectionist_. Good personality for a neurosurgeon but a toxic personality for a human.

  
  


"Please?" She tried to give him the cheesiest smile she could muster that immediately hurt her jaw. Wiggling her shoulders for extra points. "Come on, you went to a French preschool. All I said on the phone was my name and the name hospital and they put me on hold."

  
  


Of course Ben Solo studied in some expensive private boarding school in Europe. Being the only child of Dr. Leia Organa and Capt. Han Solo, he had to study internationally. It's the unwritten rule for families with generation wealth to put it into good use.

  
  


He tilted his head back as he groaned in feigned frustration. "Fine, hand me the phone _mon petit chou_." Ben pulled out his hand from his pocket. "You owe me one candlelight dinner in Nice though." He compromised.

  
  


"Thank you." Diana said, biting back her smile. That she understood. _My little cabbage_. "And yeah, sure. I'll pack my suitcase later. Do I have to pack a bikini as well? I don't know what’s the weather there at this time of the month." She placed the phone on his open palm. Tone of light sarcasm and humor drawling in her tongue.

  
  


Ben is not kidding. Not a bit. And yes, she should pack a bikini. But before he could clear that up, a voice on the other line began to talk. 

  
  


As he started to listen intently, Diana swore that Ben started to hold himself different. His brain switched and started to connect every word to an image of its meaning to effortlessly recollect them instantly. He's not translating the words like she did earlier. He clearly understands them right away.

  
  


" _Mais vous avez tout essayé pour le réveiller? D'accord._ " Ben asked. Perfectly pronouncing the French "r". 

  
  


Diana blinked slowly due to two things. One, she couldn't understand what he just said other than "okay" because of how fast and seamless he said it. He talked without any American accent. And two, she is utterly impressed. 

  
  


" _Y a t-il d'autres collègues qui ont..._ " He paused to let out an awkward laugh. His fingers mindlessly reached for her hand as he continued to listen. " _Oui. Merci. Uhh... Dr. Benjamin Solo... Oui, c'est ma mère._ "

  
  


He even said his name with the correct French intonation. Ben just got showered in complement by the other line. And the first thing he did is to hold to something that would make him comfortable. Diana's touch.

  
  


Ben doesn't only know the language, he's _fluent_ at it. He speaks it like it’s his second language. Even years after finishing his primary education in Europe, he and Leia continued to talk and write in French to really ingrain it in his mind. And that just made him a hundred times more attractive than he already is with his surgical skills. What more can Ben Solo offer?

  
  


" _Seulement pour les diabetic ketoacidosis. Dommage._ " He hummed, looking at Diana with a slight frown. They have nothing. " _Merci._ "

  
  


"They said that their trial was specific on coma's triggered by diabetic ketoacidosis." Ben pressed the end button and handed back the phone. His thumb circling the back of her hand. He's still holding it.

  
  


She shrugged her shoulders as he observed how his hands dwarfed hers. Diana slowly tugged it away. Weird how normal feels so uncomfortable sometimes. "Well, I have to say the news back to Holdo now. Thanks again."

"Oh. Okay." Her pull of the hold made Ben roll back his shoulders. Diana looked so anxious all of the sudden. The thought of their results came back to flooding her again. He's having the same sentiments. But it's not about the letter. It's about something else.

  
  


"Here's the deal. If we both passed, which we certainly will, I'll cook dinner tonight." Ben suggested. Stopping the extreme urge to hold her again. 

  
  


"Oh, no. But you don't cook." She furrowed her brows skeptically. "Wait, does that mean I'm going to fail?" 

  
  


"What? Fuck no." He quickly responded. Shaking his head in disbelief. This woman has the rare power to turn every word with pessimistic context.

  
  


"But what if I did?" Diana shakily asked. Her simmering anxiety started to boil. "I can't repeat, Ben. I would literally combust if that happened."

  
  


_Fuck it._ Ben thought. He stepped forward, pulling her close. His chin is tilted down to directly stare at her. "Then we will set a motion to the board to recount your test because that would be impossible. Diana, seriously, don't beat yourself up. You're a good doctor. She schooled me about compassion many many times."

  
  


Diana only stared back in silence. Listening to the descending pace of her erratic heartbeats once Ben's arms caged her body. 

  
  


"Okay?" Ben continued. Slightly shaking her shoulders to get out an answer from her. 

  
  


"Okay." She whispered, looking down at his name embroidered at his coat to avoid looking at his eyes.

  
  


Ben wouldn't take that kind of lame answer. He put his finger under her chin, turning it up to meet his gaze. "Okay?"

  
  


"Okay." Diana finally confirmed as she caught her outline in his eyes. Quietly chuckling at his persistence as he continued to hold her gaze. 

  
  


Diana learned the context of the phrase "lose in someone's eyes" because of Ben. Unlike hers, it could change colors when light comes into play. It's green today, with a tinge of amber. She felt warm all of a sudden. Soothing. Silky. Too good to be true happy feeling that she's still skeptical about. But it wouldn't hurt to go near to the flame once in a while.

  
  


"Good." He pressed a soft kiss on her forehead. Their height difference made the tip of her nose almost touch his chin.

  
  


Exactly how did they end up here? Shamelessly standing so close from one another like Alderaan Grace didn't give them enough space to move around. Kissing Exactly a year ago they couldn't even stand the sight of one another that they had to sit or stand between their friends to block their view from each other... At Least that used to be the case for Diana.

\---

At the end of the day, the six doctors found themselves anxiously sitting together on the bench between their lockers, the place where it all began, waiting for Dr. Maz Kanata to hand in the Oslo envelopes with their name on it. 

  
  


"Alright." For what seemed like hours, Kanata barged in. Shuffling the envelopes of her interns in her hands. After standing as their work mother for a year, Maz was hoping for the best for her headstrong, mostly unruly interns. 

  
  


There was never a time that the five, even Finn, weren't scared of Maz. Ben, who's 6"3, is always on attention when their 5"5 resident is around. She's a force to be reckoned with, and they all learned it the hard way. Her strictness molded them into strong, steady and confident surgeons. And they wouldn't have it any other way.

  
  


They all stood up, crowding the small doctor. Shaking and rubbing the nervousness collected in their shoulders and hands. For the first time, she didn't yell and ordered them to give her some space. Because this is the last time, before opening their letters, that they would call Kanata their resident surgeon. 

  
  


"Dameron, Hux, Montgomery, Tico, Solo and Storm." She announced one by one, handing out the envelopes. "I have to disseminate the rest of the letters but I just wanted to say that I taught you all well. Before all of you start to complain when your upcoming interns are giving you a hard time, push yourselves to be patient because I sure as hell was."

  
  


Poe took a step forward with his arms open wide. Attempting the hardest maneuver every known to mankind. Hugging Dr. Maz Kanata. One small step for man, one giant leap for surgeons. The mother hen of the group didn't give him a sharp reprimand. Instead she took it. Appreciating their gratuity and experiencing their early onset of nostalgia for a while.

  
  


When Kanata made her way out of the locker, silence fell around them. Clutching their future tight on their fingers. "Moment of truth guys. Ready?" Finn asked everyone. Mentally and physically preparing themselves for what's to come.

  
  


"Ready." Rose, like the rest, nodded in agreement.

  
  


After counting down to three, they all ripped their envelope at the same time. Their shoulders are all tense as they quickly scanned what's written on the paper.

  
  


"....Holy shit." Diana muttered, feeling lightheaded.

  
  


In their seperate papers, it said:

**United States Medical Licensing Examination**

**Step 3 Score Report**

**Dameron, Poe OI-661-273 PASS**

**Hux, Armitage DG-236-791 PASS**

**Tico, Rose KM-629-895 PASS**

**Storm, Finn JB-032-187 PASS**

**Montgomery, Diana YN-961-847 PASS**

**Solo, Benjamin AD-819-983 PASS**

  
  


Then, all hell broke loose. Finn was screaming, Poe was screaming louder. Armie is hugging Rose to the point that his embrace almost crushed her.

  
  


"Yes! Oh, thank God." Rose breathed out.

"Diana," Ben's tug of her wrist pulled her back from reality. His chest is panting heavily in excitement and anticipation. "How did you do?"

  
  


"I did it." She muttered. When she fully realized the words that came out of her mouth, Diana said it again. "Ben, I did it. I passed. Did you?" 

  
  


"Yes. I did." He laughed boomed. Bright, goofy smile in full display next to her. His impressive exam result is just the second reason why he's so ecstatic right now. It's not hard to guess the number one reason for his current overwhelming emotions. 

  
  


Ben crouched down, his biceps flexed as he held her legs to lift her body up and twirl her around. "See? I told you you're going to pass! Congratulations Dr. Montgomery."

  
  


Diana is becoming drunk in the feeling of success. It's a win. To all of them. The spinning room made her nauseous in the best way possible. She was tightly holding in his neck as they celebrated the last step of their journey.

  
  


They did it. They are resident surgeons now. And they found it when they were in each other's arms.

  
  


It's going so well.

* * *

The expensive kitchen at the 41st floor of One Lincoln Tower is at full swing at last. Their home. Their kitchen. And this time, it's not Diana's doing. The countertops are filled with opened ingredients, knives are out of the holder and paired with the cutting board. The bottle of Möet Imperial Brut champagne is almost halfway empty, while a bottle of Cianti is generously poured to the bolognese sauce Ben is currently cooking.

  
  


The entire night at their home, Diana is still buzzing with pure glee. Ben had a plan to sit her on top of the counter and just watch him. But Diana needed to do something to exhaust her adrenaline. So he gave her the responsibility to do the cucumber dill salad.

  
  


The sleeves of his crisp dress shirt are folded below his elbows. A very bold thing to wear something white in front of a bubbling and boiling thick brown sauce. But then again, tonight is going to be a bold night for Ben.

  
  


"Here, tell me what you think." Ben turned around away from the stove. Holding a wooden spoon filled with flavoured red sauce. He blew the steam off a couple of times, his other hand was placed a few inches below the spoon, ready to catch any drops. "Careful, it's hot."

  
  


"It smells good." The aromatic smell of meat, rosemary and deglazed wine mixed together made her mouth water. Blowing it one last time before putting a small portion of the tip of the spoon into her mouth. Quietly licking her lips. She happily hummed in approval as the rich flavor touched her taste buds. "Ben, it's really delicious."

  
  


Well, it had to be delicious. Ben had to go down to the restaurant in the lobby of their condo by himself (not relying on the concierge this time) and asked the saucier for the ingredients. The kitchen staff was graced by his presence days ago that they had to do a double take to make sure that the owner of the penthouse was really there towering over their busy industrial kitchen.

  
  


Happy with her answer, Ben clicked the stove off shut. Letting the sauce cool for a minute. His eyebrows furrowed as he looked in her eyes. Feigning confusion.

  
  


"What?" She tilted her head to the side as she smiled. Mirroring his confused face.

  
  


He closed their distance. Still peering on her face as he pointed something near to the side of her mouth. "Oh. You have something."

  
  


"I do?" Diana is quick to raise her hand and wipe whatever remnant of sauce is left.

"Yeah, you do." Ben is quicker to beat her to it. His hands cupped the sides of her head and he crouched down. “Here, let me help you.” He quietly whispered. Softly kissing the "something" on her lips. 

  
  


She held his arms to steady herself. Laughing against his deep, sweet champagne, toe-curling kisses. His chuckle sent vibrations that it felt so tingly. So gentle and eye-fluttering that Diana wished for more of it.

  
  


He stopped. Tucking her hair at the back of her ears to get a good look at her "Diana, you're the best thing in my life."

  
  


Ben is not beating around the bush anymore. He sounded determined this time. So clear and so sure. And Diana knew what about to come next. "Ben, wait—"

  
  


"I love you." 

  
  


Suddenly, his warm comfortable embrace felt suffocating. "I—" That took Diana off guard. She knew that it would all lead up to this moment. But now that it's right in front of her. Diana couldn't help to feel blindsided by it. 

  
  


Did she really think she could sweep it under the rug for too long?

  
  


"Ben... Why are you telling me this now?" She started to feel lightheaded again. This time, it's not fun and lively. It's dreadful. Like a rollercoaster with no safety belts.

  
  


He let go. Ben looked so lost. Totally disoriented on what just came out of her mouth. There are so many things Ben wanted to ask: _Did he do something wrong? Was he too fast? Was it just all in his head?_ But all he said was. "What?"

  
  


"Sorry." She shook her head. Abruptly turning around to leave the kitchen. Trying to shake out the crawling terror prickling her body. The professional saboteur in her system coming into play. "I just... I can't do this right now."

"Diana, hold on. Why are you being like this?" He abrasively followed her to the living room. Ben expected many scenarios on how tonight is going to end up. All of them ending up tangled in the sheets. Contented and together at last. But he didn't expect Diana to slowly drift away from him the moment he finally said it.

  
  


She closed her eyes. Why is she being like this? Isn't this the plan? That she would think of it after the exam. But why is she now panicking when it's time to face the music. 

  
  


"Seriously, what the fuck does that mean?" Her radio silence is just making Ben angier by second. It took him months to play this invisible side shuffle with her. "Because I thought we were on the same lane here and now you're acting like I came out of nowhere."

  
  


"Can we please not talk about this right now?" She begged, anxiously playing with her fingers. The thoughts and ideas of the "next step" come crashing into her all at once. 

  
  


He shook his head, ignoring her pleads. "No." She's using it as a diversion to escape the inevitable and Ben is not going to let her do that. Not tonight. "I can't do another play pretend anymore. I just had to tell it you. Now we will talk about this as us."

  
  


**_Us_ ** _._ That word triggered her. The fear of commitment strangling her to death to the point that she would do anything to escape this room right away.

  
  


"I can't do this! Okay?" She blurted out. Panting to catch her breath while maintaining a safe distance away from him. "I tried to but I can't."

  
  


"No. It's not okay." He reiterated slowly. Trying to make it clear to her. Maintaining to out up a strong face as it all comes crashing down in front of him. Trying to hold on to everything they built together. "Could you please, just please, tell me what's wrong?"

  
  


"It wouldn't work well on us, Ben. We fight! We always do. And I'm scared because everything feels too perfect right now. It would just go downhill from here." Diana rambled. Pacing back and forth. Right now, she's not hesitating to burn this bridge with him.

  
  
  


This is a true Diana classic fashion. When the person drops the L-bomb, she's trying her best to save herself from the future casualties that it would bring. She thought that it would be different from Ben. But she's still going in the same direction as before. Opposite from him.

  
  


"That's what couples do, Diana." Ben patiently explained. The tension around them is making their voice get louder and louder. "It's not only us. Poe and Finn fight. Rose and Armie fight. It happens. It's normal. Do you think all they do is kiss and laugh all day?"

  
  


"You don't understand." She cried. Childishly stomping her feet in exasperation. "Sooner or later we'll get bored with each other... And then we'll realize that this is all a mistake and we will wish that it just never happened. This is all going to end badly."

  
  


"Jesus fucking Christ. What are you? A psychic?" He threw his head back in frustration. Ben realized that he was reaching for the stars when he thought that Diana would say it back. "Is this the game?! You fuck around with me for six months and when I finally get comfortable you shrug?"

  
  


"I didn't ask for you to be." She whispered. Furiously blinking the incoming prickling feeling in her eyes. 

  
  


Ben is not having any of it. "You did! You fucking bought that curtain because you thought that it would be a great color to the space." Ben jabbed his index finger at the burgundy curtain that covers the portion of his window. "You're committed to this as much as I am. Now why are you turning your back now?"

  
  


"Because Ben," Her chin quivered. Tears brimming in the waterline of her eyes. "I'm going to ruin your life. That's what I do. That's what my mother said. That's what my past relationships said to me.

  
  


"So you waited? You waited for me to pour my heart out before you tell you all of this to me?" He was walking around as Diana laid out her half-assed argument. Both of his hands are resting on his waist. Hair is tousled from running his hands through it over and over again in distress. 

  
  


"You think I don't know the things you just said? I have news for you Diana, I know you now. All of you. You want all the laundry list of all the things that pisses me off? Be my guest, I can give it to you. You are the most—" 

  
  


"Just please stop it, Ben. I don't want to do this." She pleaded. Crashing on the sofa. The tears and dizziness are making it impossible for her to stand straight. 

  
  


"You _listen_ to me. You are the most guarded, most stubborn, most challenging person I've ever met. The most difficult woman I have ever met. I put up with all your shit because I accept all of it and I love all of it. I love you, and what the hell is the matter with you that you just won't let me?"

  
  


"What do you exactly want from me Ben?" Diana matched the loudness of his voice. "Do you want me to be your fucking girlfriend? Do you want to marry me and buy a house with a picket fence for our family?"

  
  


Ben pursed his lips to silence his outburst. Yeah, maybe his mind drifted about those things. Maybe he did want a simple house with a picket fence with her. But how did Diana make it all sound so absurd and ridiculous?

  
  


"Oh God." She put her hands on her eyes. His silence is a full agreement to her rhetorical questions. "I don't want any of those things!"

  
  


"Christ. You don't know what you want in your life Diana. You think you know but you don't. Look at yourself! You're running in circles until someone points you in the right direction." Their argument is making his entire body tense up in fury.

  
  


"I'm scared Ben." She tried to put a smile amidst the tear streaks flowing on her face. "I'm scared all the time."

  
  


"Join the fucking club! You think this is easy for me? You came to my life and you pull out my icicle and make me love you. So don't tell me that you didn't ask for this. You wanted of all this until you didn't." The vein in his neck is protruding, his lips are moist from talking loud.

  
  


He threw his hands in agitation. Frustrated that Diana couldn't see where he's coming from. Ben stopped for a minute. Listening to his heavy breathing. He could hear his heart breaking at every beat. "Fine. If you didn't want all of that then why the fuck are we doing this then?"

  
  


"This is not real." She weakly shook her head. Looking everywhere but his eyes. Diana had the feeling that this is going to be the last time she would see all of it. "I don't want this anymore."

  
  


If Diana could turn off her mind of a brief second, she could hear something breaking just a few feet away from her. But she's just pretending that she's not hearing anything.

  
  


" _Fuck._ Is this not real enough for you?" Ben laughed bitterly. Heaving a deep sigh as he scratched his head. "You want out? A person told you how much you meant on their life and you fucking walk on the other side?"

  
  


She swallowed the bitter taste forming in her mouth. Selfishness. "I do." 

  
  


This is hopeless. He bowed his head down, hiding the immense, lethal pain he's feeling. This is the first time he opened himself to a girl and this is what he gets. "I'm not going to stop you Diana. If that's what you want I'll give it to you." It felt like she pulled his heart out and didn’t bother stitching him back up.

  
  


"Before you go, look at me in the eyes. Tell me you don't love me." He paused. It's too much for him to bear to say all of this. Ben was looking in the horizon that he didn't notice that he reached the end of the road. "It will make things easier for both of us."

  
  


She lifted her face to meet his gaze. And just looked so, hopeless. Ben's eyes looked so tired. He looked so defeated. Distraught. His hands are tucked inside the pocket of his trousers to stop himself from holding her one last time.

  
  


Diana stood up. She can't be in the same room with him anymore. This is it. The end of all things.

  
  


"I don't love you Ben. Congratulations on the test."

  
  


Because it's all fun and games until somebody falls in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so ummmmmm,,, that happened. taylor swift's exile and illicit affairs was playing on the BG while i was writing this. i was bawling my eyes out


	35. Kobayashi Maru

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And maybe in another life  
> We fight all day, kiss all night  
> But I don't wanna break your heart  
> You keep yours, I'll keep mine
> 
> \- Niki, Lose
> 
> Chapter Theme: [Ride x My Blood](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=YJrtu3SbW6g)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the last chapter got me really emotional i had to watch happy films for two days before writing again 😭😭 i didnt expect reaction on chap 34!! thank you so much to your comments!! 💕💕 dw it's going to get better it's all about sticking the landing now.
> 
> always stay safe!

**Chapter Thirty-Five: Kobayashi Maru**

_Kobayashi Maru : a no-win situation_

Every step she was taking to move away from Ben felt like stepping into a bed of rusty bed of nails. As their distance got farther and farther, her chest was becoming tighter and tighter. It came to the point Diana wanted to claw it open to give her lungs a room to breathe. 

  
  


_You're going to regret this._

  
  


All of the logical thinking and reasoning she possesses melted into a puddle. What's in her mind right now? None. Nothing. Blank. Diana just became a body of wrongful decisions in a snap. She knows damn well the meaning of her actions even if Ben didn't give her an ultimatum. _"If you walk away, it's done. It's over."_

  
  


_Turn around and apologize._

  
  


Stubbornly going against the current of what her heart and body was telling, Diana pressed the elevator button several times as if that would do any better. The elevator was taking forever to arrive and she's really considering hurling herself at the closest window possible and just end this misery.

  
  


Diana is a goddamn contradiction. A messy, spiraling one. Because there's part of her wishing and hoping and praying that Ben would burst out from the door and angrily yell at her. To make her choose. To force her to stay. To put her in a situation that would make her snap back from this descending mess she put herself to. Anything... Just something.

  
  


_This is not what you want and you know it._

  
  


She was gasping for air the time the elevator dinged open. She tucked her body on the back corner of the chrome box as she squeezed her eyes shut to try to calm herself down. Her arms defensively hugged her sides, trying to convince herself that perhaps she made the right decision to walk away. But no, her heart wouldn't give her peace of mind because every time she closes her eyes, she sees what she did.

  
  


A picture of Ben staring straight at her with quivering lips and pleading eyes. Dropped shoulders and shattered heart. Diana could feel the waves of pain hitting her. It's burning her skin off. Like two boulders crushing her in between. 

  
  


_You did this._

  
  


It's not her pain she's feeling that makes her whole body tremble. It's Ben's. His pain is so potent and powerful that she could feel it radiating through her hundreds of feet away. "Oh God." Diana opened her eyes. Clutching to lessen the what felt like a piercing wound on the space between her chest. His pain is wracking her entire body.

  
  


When she caught her reflection to the doors. Diana didn't recognize the person staring back at her. Her eyes are bloodshot. Face in a frenzied panic. What she saw in the blurry reflection is a clear coward who didn't put up a fight and retreated without hesitation.

  
  


A shaky gasp of air escaped from her lips as she continued to gaze at the reflection of the stranger next to her. Diana is slowly realizing what she just did. What she just let go. She slapped her mouth shut, stopping herself from letting out a sob and a whimper. Ignoring the sore tightening of her muscles around her throat.

  
  


As she stepped out of the condo, a gush of freezing wind hit her tear-streaked face. An unforgivable, teeth-chattering coldness made her body tremble. At this time of the year, Seattle has been having a slight drizzle of rain. But tonight, there's a storm. A perfect yet melancholic coincidence.

  
  


The universe already gave her a punishment because this is the very first Diana forgot to bring an umbrella. Only a blithering idiot who lives in Seattle could leave their house without packing one. From what she just managed to do to Ben, it is suffice to say that she is indeed, a blithering _idiot_. A freezing one for that matter.

  
  


The amiable doorman was quick to put an umbrella under her head. "Are you waiting for Mr. Solo, Ms. Montgomery?" He asked, raising his voice over the sound of sharp, peltering raindrops hitting his umbrella.

  
  


Diana meekly shook her head. "He isn't. Thank you for the umbrella, Moff." 

  
  


Moff stayed frozen in his position beside her. It was difficult for him to read her answer because Ben would never let Diana go out on this kind of weather. "Are you waiting for an Uber, miss? The bus stop is quite a walk from here." He cleared his throat. Flawlessly managing to stay out of her business.

  
  


The gloom etched on her face made the wet surroundings more somber than it already was. "I'll just.... I'll just walk." Diana brought this upon herself, she thought she might as well do the walk of shame.

  
  


The heavy rainfall pelted on top of her head when she stepped out of the dry canopy of Moff's umbrella. In less than a second, Diana is drenched. Her are clothes uncomfortably sticking to her skin, her hair glued to the side of her face.

  
  


Diana started walking in the heavy rain. She's not sure whether the rolling wetness on her face is from the angry, crying _sky_ or from _her_ crying. She looked up, the road ahead of her is blurry and opaque. She couldn't see clearly. But she continued putting her feet to the other. Swallowing the heavy and unbearable weight on her chest.

  
  


Up above, Ben didn't move a muscle. He's too broken to move. Too weak to speak. He just blinked once. And when he opened his eyes, everything changed. The room became dark. It became lifeless. He stared at the room, hoping that she would come back. That maybe she changed her mind about him.

  
  


He chewed his lips, fighting back the tears threatening to spill. Still not believing what she said. Has it been only on his head all along? Was he too blind by his to miss the signs she threw? 

  
  


_"I don't love you Ben."_

  
  


He bowed his head in defeat, hiding his face to no one. The man is so confused, so angry, so ashamed. Ben let out a broken exhale, giving in to the pain. Letting his tears fall. 

  
  


When the first teardrop reached the floor, the sky rumbled. The storm synchronized with his devastation. A minute has passed. Then 5 minutes. Thirty. Then an hour. He just stood there. Waiting for her. Waiting for his home to come back.

  
  


Standing at his lifeless penthouse Ben Solo just became homeless.

* * *

It felt like a bad fever dream. A sweaty, terrifying, delirious one that never seemed to end. For fourteen days and fourteen nights, their supposed vacation before coming back to the hospital as resident surgeon has become the worst fourteen days of Diana's life and there was no one to blame but _her_.

  
  


The sound of a vibrating and beeping pager against her nightstand woke her up. "Ben..." She groggily groaned. Pulling the duvet over her head to minimize the sound of the demanding beeps.

  
  


It still kept going. There was no stirring movement beside her. The small machine was making her whole furniture dance and vibrate loudly. "Ben," Diana said again. Becoming more irritated. "Answer you pager please. I still have a headache."

  
  


It's not uncommon for their pagers to go off at an ungodly time. 90% of the time, it was always Ben's pager who was disrupting their sleep. And even with her eyes closed, Diana already memorized his routine.

  
  


_A waking groan. Turn off the pager. Give her a sleepy kiss while he caresses her hair. Tuck her in. Then slowly pad out the room._

  
  


So when Ben didn't do any of that, her hand tentatively reached on the side of his bed. When she gently dropped it on the position where his head was supposed to be, her palm directly came in contact with her mattress. That made her eyes abruptly open when the realization flashed before her.

  
  


_Oh_... Right.

  
  


No Ben this time.

  
  


On the night of the storm, Diana didn't realize that she fell asleep while she was uncontrollably sobbing. Then as the time went by, she was just desperately waiting for the sleep to arrive to stop her from sobbing and thinking. On the third day, Diana pretty much ran out of tears to cry as numbness made its way to her system. Staring at one point in the wall day in and day out.

  
  


She was in a constant internal battle with herself. Her heart and mind were in conflict, telling her two tremendously different things. Diana kept walking back and forth to her telephone which was within arm's reach. But everytime, she flakes. Fear always wins. Her mind always wins. Her ambition of becoming a neurosurgeon was rightfully apt for her because she fully let her mind control her to the point that she wasn’t paying to her heart anymore.

\---

"Have you guys seen him?" An overzealous, squealy intern behind Diana said in a hushed tone. Keeping up with her, now a resident surgeon, as they marched to the ER.

  
  


"No. But someone said that he looked so tall... And handsome. And mysterious." A woman with an eager voice answered back, matching the quiet voice.

  
  


"To be honest, I'm glad he's not my resident. I would just stare at him all day and not learn anything." The bouncing intern replied back.

  
  


"Is he off the market? I feel like he's not—" 

  
  


Diana heard a harsh shush behind her. Not long after, she felt the hair on her neck stood her. A signal that her interns are bearing holes on her back. Thankfully, they finally reached the end of the hall. 

  
  


They burst through the doors of the ER. Speedily walking to the redhead surgeon who's ordering directions. A trail of nervous interns watching behind her back. Watching the ER spectacle around them. "What do you got?" Diana confidently asked Armie. 

  
  


The trauma surgeon flinched a little when he heard Diana. He jabbed the clipboards in her direction, not bothering to look up. "We have more oncoming trauma. We need new interns for an extra set of hands." 

  
  


"All?" Diana expectantly asked. What she meant was: _Are Ben's interns going to be here as well? Is Ben going to be here?_

  
  


"All." Armie coldly replied. His voice is harshly clipped. He turned his shoulders away from her, his body language appeared like he's repelling the sight and his near proximity of Diana. "Excuse me, I have other matters to attend to."

  
  


Armie left Diana dumbfounded. He didn't even spared her a single glance as an act of politeness through the whole exchange. That is the first time that they saw each other since they saw their results and he acted like they're only just colleagues. 

  
  


"Okay, ummm. Garcia follow me." Diana shook her head. Swallowing the sinking feeling on her stomach. "Patel and Andor, take the other patient. I'll get back right to you."

  
  


The EMT entered with a gurney. "40-year-old unrestrained driver in a rollover MVC. Lost vitals on the scene, and we were unable to intubate."

  
  


The latex gloves snapped as Diana put it on. "Dr. Garcia, open the intubation tray for me." In the current chaos, she's more confident and stable than she was before a year ago. "How long has he been down?" 

  
  


"Took ten minutes to load him,14 to get here, so 24." The EMT responded while doing perfect chest compressions.

  
  


"Alright. Okay, push another epi." Diana turned around to look at Garcia, who is currently trembling in fear as she watched the whole thing go down. Exactly like her on the first day of internship. "Do you know how to intubate?"

  
  


"Uhh, I've never done one Dr. Montgomery." Garcia said, anxiously playing with her fingers.

  
  


"But you've seen it done?" She asked again. Taking the opportunity to teach.

  
  


"A couple of times, yes doctor."

  
  


She reached out the laryngoscope handle, urging the new intern to come closer. The size and girth of the silver instrument really looked intimidating and invasive. "Okay, come do one now. I'll guide you, but we don't have time."

  
  


"Visualize the cords, pull straight up, watch the tube go through the cords." Diana effortlessly told the directions. Prepping the endotracheal tube that will go to the throat of the patient. 

  
  


Garcia is becoming unsteady to her impromptu responsibility. "I....I... Dr. Montgomery, I can't see the chords. You should do this."

  
  


"You can do it. Find the flap." She professionally encouraged the girl. "Just don't rock up against the teeth."

  
  


Garcia successfully raised the epiglottis, giving her a complete access down to the trachea. "I'm in! I'm in."

  
  


"Good. In goes the tube." Diana pumped the air bad several times to listen for breath sounds before attaching the tube to the mechanical ventilator to give the patient respiration. "That's very good for your first ventilation."

  
  


"Thank you doctor." Garcia heaved a relieved sigh. "I'm pretty sure I wouldn't do that if Dr. Solo is my resident doctor."

  
  


Hearing his name struck a chord in her. She didn't hear anyone call out his name for two weeks. His name (even surname) contains personal memories too many to disregard and it's too much for her to handle right now.

  
  


Garcia was the one bouncing intern earlier. When she didn't get any answer from Diana, she talked again. "I'm sorry, Dr. Montgomery. It's just that he was the talk in the lockers this morning."

  
  


"It's fine." She snapped off the gloves from her hands and disposed it.

  
  


"The latest issue of JAMA magazine was also passed in the locker room earlier." Garcia continued speaking. Taking Diana's word that it's fine. "You two looked amazing, Dr. Montgomery. The interns are curious if the two of you are in a relat—"

  
  


"Dr. Garcia, I'm only here to teach you what I learned from last year." Diana quickly and politely turned her question down before she could even finish it. "Shotgun him. That means everything in the book, CT, lytes and a BG. He's your responsibility now."

  
  


The intern perked her shoulders as Diana quickly put her into place. Now she clearly got the message that she stepped out of line on that one. "Yes, Dr. Montgomery."

\---

Diana is now only knowing how big and spacious the surgical floor is. Because for almost an entire day, she didn't see any of her friends. She talked to Armie, but he made it very clear that he didn't want to _see_ her.

  
  


For what seemed like staring into the OR board for eternity, she saw a familiar face . On her peripheral vision, Diana saw an uncomfortably tensed shoulders and a tightly-pursed lips. As if stopping herself from speaking unpleasant words. 

  
  


Rose's frigid stance to her left made Diana shift her feet uncomfortably to ease the tension crushing her body. The air around them is painfully awkward that it made speaking difficult. Diana beared the silence for a while, trying to understand the unusual tension between them. It felt like watching a volcano ready to erupt at any second. 

  
  


She bit the inside of her cheeks as the awkward silence continued. Diana felt terrified and confused at the same time. When the bubbly, happy person gets angry (which Rose is undoubtedly right now), it's the most frightening feeling one could ever imagine. The aura Rose is giving to her made her shiver. It always used to be warm and comforting. The girl bakes pastries for fun and feeds the whole floor. But now, Diana could feel her skin getting stab by her cold vibe. 

  
  


Something shiny and sparkling in her finger caught her cautious eyes. It's the same ring saw before in a Tiffany box. Armie popped the question. Diana had to clear her throat before speaking. "Congratulations on the engagement, Rose. I'm very happy for you."

  
  


But Rose didn't show any signs of appreciation even in the slightest sense. She just kept staring at the board for a minute. Her friend's words flawlessly stabbed Diana in the heart. " _Are you?_ " Eerily calm. But full of resentment.

  
  


Her eyes widened, staggering a bit at her response. There's a small part in her mind that convinces her that she didn't hear her right. But it was clear as day. Rose hated her guts and Diana didn't need to ask the reason why. "Wha—Of course I am. If I knew I would've called you right away."

  
  


Diana had no explanation on how she arrived at this conclusion. But she read Rose's cautious side gaze that she deliberately didn't call Diana to tell the news. Rose, her first friend here in Seattle other than Poe, made a lucid and rational decision not to tell her that she was engaged for fifteen days straight. Rose, the doctor who never failed to tell new stories every day kept a secret to her.

  
  


"You didn't tell." Diana told her deduction to her.

  
  


"Yeah, I didn't." Rose nonchalantly bit back. Like it wasn't a big deal for her that Diana missed one of the most important events of her life.

  
  


"Rose,did I do something wrong to you?" Finally, Diana turned to face her. "Because, I really really really need you right now."

  
  


The small surgeon didn't back down as she faced her as well. Rose aggressively crossed her arms across her chest, easily claiming the dominance in the conversation. "I don't know Diana, is there something wrong?"

  
  


_If Armie knows, then Rose knows._

The lightbulb on top of her head lit up. "You're all siding with Ben now?" Diana asked in complete disbelief, not bothering to hide the fact that she's crushed. "You fully went on his side without bothering to know my side?"

  
  


"This is not about choosing sides, Diana." Rose responded. "You disappeared. No one has heard from you for weeks."

  
  


"Well isn't that what you're doing now? Armie treated me like I was a goddamn leper. Poe and Finn are playing hide and seek with me. You guys are acting like a bad omen." And it felt very embarrassing to say the least.

  
  


"And if we did side with him hmm? What about it, Diana? Maybe there's a reason for that, don't you think?" Rose raised her brows while she threw a rhetorical question at her.

  
  


Diana suddenly became quiet. She has never felt so small in her life right now. "You just don't throw away people, Rose. Friends don't do that."

  
  


Rose laughed dryly at her hypocrisy. "Why don't say that to the mirror again?" She spat.

  
  


"What the hell is the matter with you?" Diana blinked at her outburst. She doesn't even recognize the person next to her anymore. This is no Rose. 

  
  


"No, you don't get to say those words Diana. Not at what you did to Ben." Rose shook her head incessantly. 

  
  


"I know. I know that Rose, but can you please try to understand where I was coming from? Because it's really unfair that you already made a decision without hearing my point." 

  
  


Rose put her hand on her hip. "What more else can you say to me other than you're scared? You have always been scared. You're scared that you'll hurt Ben that you didn't know that you crushed him already. You're only thinking about your own welfare. You're so selfish, Diana."

  
  


And just like that, Diana felt like all the emotions that made her mind smoke from overthinking were so shallow and superficial. Harsh. But it's what Diana needed at this moment.

  
  


Rose took a step back. Even she was surprised at her own words. "I wanted to see to your point Diana. I really wanted to. But you didn't even try to reach up to him for days. You didn't see how Ben was punishing himself. The man was completely broken, it was very painful to look at him and you didn’t do anything about it. You tapped out when you saw the mess." She frustratedly breathed out.

  
  


"You didn't think I tried calling him?" Diana asked her back angrily. "I made a mistake and I am completely aware of that. But it sucks that you all had to crucify me without putting me on trial. I didn't say that it wasn't my fault because I know I am the one to blame. I'm trying here."

  
  


"Look, Diana. I was always on your side." She continued. Calming herself as she tried to find their common ground. "I was the one who kept pushing Ben to get close to you. I was really rooting for the two of you because you didn't see the way he was looking at you. Ben was so smitten at you and you... You were so blinded by negativity. You were just so angry all the time and you never let yourself happy because you were thinking that some sadness is going to compensate for it."

  
  


Diana is biting her lips defensively. Letting Rose psychoanalyze her then and there while the punishable heaviness keeps pulling her to the ground. "If you know any of that why did you still turn your back on me then? I would've understood if Armie was the one acting like this. But you're my sister Rose. I thought you would try to have my back on this one. That's what friends do."

  
  


She scoffed. “Admit it, Diana. You don't want a friend right now." Rose blankly stared. So penetrative that Diana felt so exposed. She's staring at her soul. And whatever she's going to say next, it's the truth. "You just want to hear someone agree to your point.”

"So this is how it's going to be? You got engaged and suddenly you thought that you know what I need and what I want?" Diana was enraged. She didn't care if that one was below the belt. Because there's a part in her words that wasn't right and wasn't wrong. Deep down, Diana desperately needed someone to be on her side. Right or wrong. Begging to give her a sliver of sympathy and sugarcoat the extent of her repercussions.

  
  


But Rose is a better friend than that. Diana couldn't just manage to get a better look at it because she's too stubborn. A friend is not a real one if they tell the words the person wanted to hear, not what they need. 

  
  


That one hurt. "I'm going to tell you this because no one else will have the guts to." Rose warned her. 

  
  


"Great." Diana threw her hands to contest her.

  
  


"If you keep sabotaging your life. You're going to end up _alone_ , Diana. I'm not threatening you. Sure, you're going to be a world-class, highly praised neurosurgeon. That is out of the question. But remember, it's only a job. It's the thing you come home from, Not the thing you come home to. If you don't make up your mind quick, you're going to lose Ben. I hope you know that."

  
  


Rose turned her heel. Leaving Diana to deal with the spectacle they both created. Leaving her to deal with the mess.

"/>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wanted the neurosurgery for ben solo at first. but changed it in the last minute because i thought it would be pretty poetic if their specialty is their ruling organ. brain for diana, heart for ben.
> 
> "you have too much of your father's heart in you, young solo"


	36. Sleepless in Seattle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Theme Song: [Too Close For Comfort](https://open.spotify.com/track/0qrv6yLoQNXxHgTZv05hEP) by Mcfly

**Chapter Thirty-Six: Sleepless in Seattle**

After what happened, Diana put herself into an exile. Banning herself to the places her and her friends used to spend their free time with. She didn't frequent the circulation desks anymore. The abandoned hallway where their unproductive but colorful littering from last year was strictly off-limits.

It has also become a habit of her to buy lunch an hour and a half earlier to beat the rush. Or to simply put, to avoid running into too familiar faces. Diana couldn't still shake off the dispirited and failed look Rose had. She wouldn't be able to handle it if she saw the same disappointed and alienated look five times.

  
  


As pathetic and sad as it sounds and looks, she found her one and only bunker at the basement of Alderaan Grace where rows of cadavers lay in the cold metal slab. It's the only place in the hospital where it's sure that she wouldn't run into anyone. As a matter of fact, she's now near perfecting a two-layered continuous suture from anastomosis, an advanced surgical procedure, because she's got a lot of cadavers to practice with.

  
  


But at what cost? Pitifully munching a stale and dry salad in isolation while tucked in a corner of a cold, silent room where rays of sun could never reach is the small price to pay. It has the same heavy and pitiful weight in the chest to a person who experienced eating lunch at a school bathroom. Just like that, the ever-so-bubbly and congenial Dr. Diana Montgomery hit rock bottom and became an outcast. 

  
  


Just like Rose said to her, alone. Pathetic. Lonely. And she's not doing anything about it. Letting the complications worsen. Signing her own death sentence.

  
  


She’s acting like this not because she’s angry or mad at any of them. Was it because Pride? Bruised ego? No and no. It's because even after an angry deliberation, she realized that Rose was completely true, whether or not her execution was good. Diana is embarrassed. Painfully ashamed of herself because she was served a piece of humble pie by her friend and she took it the wrong way because she couldn't handle the truth. 

  
  


Diana started to arrive early to the hospital and leaves late. Too early that the sun is still on its early wake; and too late that the roads and streets are quiet and empty. Oftentimes, she begs for an unnecessary amount of extra responsibilities and midnight rounds just to stop herself from going back to her place. She couldn't stay in her apartment for too long when his scent still lingers. It's like having a ghost around the house.

  
  


Assisting hardcore neuro surgeries and effectively teaching her interns put her mind away from thinking about everything. About him. _Ben Solo_. Diana became a hardcore yuppie junkie from the 80s who didn't want to get off of the high because the reality is too gloomy and messy for her to handle. 

  
  


The high was working. Until she needed something stronger.

After three muted knocks, Diana entered the film viewing room. "Dr. Holdo, you paged me for a consult?" Diana inquired, tucking in the pager back to her scrubs.

  
  


The room was dark except for the wide LED film viewer occupying the whole wall that gives the pitch black room a bright opaque white light. The illuminated MRI scans placed side by side mesmerized Diana that she didn't get to give the room a full sweep.

  
  


"I did. I thought it'd be better for you to see it so I can teach these to you." The faint lines of crow's feet on the sides of her eyes deepened as Amilyn Holdo gave her resident a small kind smile.

  
  


Diana pulled out her eyeglasses to remove the smudges she managed to put on in the lenses. Until now, Diana doesn't know how she always keeps on getting them dirty. A sound of clicking of tongue rang in her mind. She could see a picture of Ben pulling it out away from her face with his long fingers. Eyebrows furrowed as a peeved expression is painted in his face.

  
  


_"How could you go on in a day with dirty glasses? Doesn't it bother you?"_ _Ben would always ask this rhetorical question in a tone that was scolding her while he cleans the lenses. Slowly but meticulously._

  
  


_And Diana would always just carelessly shrug. A few smudges never hurt nobody. "As long as I could clearly see through them it's alright with me."_

  
  


_"Well, it bothers me actually." Ben said in a low voice one time, not looking up to her as he continued to make it squeaky clean. It wasn't addressed to Diana. He was just saying what was on his mind._

  
  


_"Why?" Diana narrowed her eyes quizzically. Looking at the huge blurry figure in front of her where Ben was supposed to be._

  
  


_"Because," He said distractedly as he raised both of the temple tips up to admire his work. His fingers brushed the small pieces of her hair as he carefully put it back. "I couldn't see your eyes that well."_

  
  


_"Save yourself the effort to look at them directly and just look here." Diana said. Lightly pressing the pad of her index finger to the small space between her eyebrows. "It's a trick that I sometimes use when I'm talking to intimidating attendings. Thank me later."_

  
  


_He tilted his head to the side in a manner that Diana said something alien and he needed time to absorb it. "Why would I do that? I wanted to see your eyes."_

  
  


_Ben was staring at her deeply when her vision became so much clearer. It was like living in an HD 1080p world. She took in the_ **_surroundings_ ** _while Ben took_ **_her_ ** _in. His impenetrable gaze was so disarming that she had to look somewhere else before she could turn into a melted puddle._

  
  


But little did she know that she didn't have to daydream. Because after doing the same maneuver after cleaning her glasses, Diana saw him only a few steps away from her. Not an echo or a memory inside her mind. But in flesh. Truly there.

  
  


Prominent nose, high sharp cheekbones, plush lips. She blinked several times to take him all in. Until now, she's not used to it. Ben looked so much older, even if he lose the facial hair that he grew. If an intern saw him, he would be easily mistaken for an attending. 

  
  


With how her eyes widened, it felt like Diana saw him again for the very first time. Because she _did_. After weeks of managing not to run on him on the hallways, they are now on the standing same small enclosed space now.

  
  


A small inaudible exhale escaped her lips as she came eye to eye with him. Ben Solo. In the corner of the dark room where the light of the LED viewer is already weak, he's looking at her too. No doubt. But it wasn't with the same bright and admiring look. This time, it was a blank, freezing and hard gaze. Extremely indignant that he didn't need to utter words to emphasize his emotions. Betrayed. And he made sure that she saw it.

  
  


Pryde and Holdo are standing side by side. Both of their arms are tightly tucked across their chests. Then it quickly dawned on Diana that it's not Pryde's not-so-covert scowl that made the hairs on the back of her neck raise. She quickly looked down, breaking the eye contact as guilt started to make its way into her system.

  
  


"Dr. Solo, can you give Dr. Montgomery the rundown of the patient?" Holdo asked. Cutting the tension easily with a butter knife. It's not hard to miss it, but the senior surgeon knew that it's none of her business to meddle with whatever's going on with the residents.

  
  


"The patient came into the ER with abdominal pain. Complained that she had it on and off for about six months." Ben started to present. He's speaking to her like they didn't have any experience they share. Purely professional. Like strangers just doing their jobs. "I ran a CT and labs, there was an adrenal mass."

  
  


"Tell her your diagnosis Dr. Solo." Pryde impatiently ordered. Seeming already over it with the whole spectacle.

  
  


He paused. Chewing the inside of his cheek to bite down his swelling resentment. "Carotid stenosis."

  
  


"You went straight to the diagnosis without noticing the neurological symptoms." Pryde said with a stiff upper lip. Sneering at his resident. "Give her the chart."

  
  


That means Diana. Ben stretched out his arm, holding out the grey binder at the most edge. Ignoring the loud thumping of her heart, Diana reached for it. But as she pulled it back towards her, Ben held on to it for a few miniscule seconds just to feel the pressure of her pull. She couldn't take the intensity of his stare that she said her thanks to the floor.

  
  


They looked like kids who had a nasty and ugly fight that are forced to interact with each other in front of their parents like nothing happened. Who are they kidding? That ugly nasty fight really did happen.

  
  


After scanning the patient's chart, Holdo talked again. "Can you tell me what you see with these scans?"

She slowly made her way next to the bright led and turned her focus to the illuminated scans. Diana narrowed her eyes as she looked at them to put on a show that she didn't lose her composure for a minute. 

  
  


_Nausea was listed as one of the symptoms on the chart. Maybe an ulcer or gastritis?_ She formulated internally. But one scan caught her eye. "That. Right there." She pointed out, tracing the lining to let the other doctors know what she was seeing. "The nausea was caused by a positional shift. CSF."

  
  


"Brain tumor." Pryde flatly deduced. 

  
  


Not just any brain tumor. "Yes. An ependymoma."

  
  


Holdo, impressed on how she arrived at the exact same diagnosis as hers spoke. "And how do we approach it?"

  
  


"An intraventricular resection. Debulking the tumor." 

  
  


"Congratulations," Holdo said as she lifted the silence. "Your first solo surgery."

  
  


_My what?_ Her knees wobbled at the attending’s words. After a long buffer, Diana cleared her throat. "A solo surgery? But it's not my patient, Dr. Holdo." Definitely not her's. But Ben's.

  
  


The woman lightly cocked the side of her head in the direction of the binder she's holding. Showing to her that she already claimed it. "It's yours now. Don't tell me that you're not ready. Your performance these past few weeks says otherwise."

  
  


"I let you hold the clamp the entire time during a 7-hour craniotomy. You never flinched." Holdo chuckled, rubbing the shoulder of her evidently astonished resident. "Take it! You won. I will be inside the OR with you. But I'll tell you now that my gloves would be clean throughout."

  
  


But at what cost?

Diana didn't know where she would start. How is supposed to feel when Holdo just fed her her first solo surgery just like that? Even until now, she's questioning her own capabilities. Pride. That is what Diana should feel at the moment. She should be jumping and squealing in pure bliss. But she couldn't even raise her feet away from the floor. She's frozen in place.

  
  


"That means you're off the case Dr. Solo." Pryde sternly reminded the beaten doctor in the corner of the room. Ben is not even trying anymore.

  
  


How could she celebrate her success when she's in the same room with the man she didn't hesitate to turn her back away from? It used to be his surgery nonetheless. Celebrating success is a crime. Even a twitch of a smile felt so impolite and offensive.

  
  


Ben started making his way out. A gust of wind that came from his brisk walking hit the skin on her forearm. Sending a high-voltage sense of familiarity that made her stagger a bit.

  
  


Overdrowning guilt and throat-crushing sorrow. Those are only just a few of the emotions she could articulate. Blunt heavy sadness gowned her aura. Nothing bright and shiny. Just black and white. 

  
  


Diana licked her lips, realizing that the accumulated adrenaline of her mountain-worth productivity is now slowly wearing off. Not right now. She scolded at herself, clenching her fists tight. She can't go through with it in front of Ben who's obviously having it harder than her. 

  
  


She doesn't have the right to break down because she didn't deserve it. Diana is fully aware of that. So, she sucked it all up. Relying on surgeries to not provoke any painful emotions. The emotions that she was exactly preventing seeped today due to their impromptu reunion.

  
  


She needed this solo surgery. Her solo surgery. Like a junkie scratching its neck in hunger, needing a much stronger drug.

\---

"How's the brain of our patient, Dr. Montgomery?" Holdo greeted far away from the covers and premise of the surgical site. In the corner of the OR where she could leisurely flip her magazine and watch Diana's performance on the television at the same time.

  
  


"I'm ready to buzz the superficial temporal artery doctor." Diana could see the homerun on the horizon. She's almost there. She exhaled deeply, ignoring the itch from the headlight attached around her head. "Tenting sutures."

  
  


Holdo hummed satisfactorily. "There's no rush, Dr. Montgomery. Take your time."

  
  


"Now exposing the lower right quadrant. Dividing the cecum now. Forceps, please." She politely ordered. Spreading her palm open without leaving her focus to the exposed brain. When she felt a weight on her hands, she pulled back. "Lifting free from the arachnoid."

  
  


Diana is an entirely different person when she's wearing the mask. She's not the girl who's hiding with the cadavers. She took charge right off the bat when she asked for the scalpel. She didn't mumble the entire time. Always loud and clear.

  
  


"Tacking sutures... Patties... Okay, suction."

  
  


If only. If only she could tent up here in the OR and build walls around her. She's getting lost in the moment, letting her mind and body hone all its attention to the operating table. Even just for a few hours, she made it her own world. The things happened outside the OR was non-existent. Imaginary. Convincing herself that this is her home. Even just for a few hours she could tell that lie to herself and get lost in this made believe world.

  
  


Based on her professional judgment, Holdo knew that Diana is quite on the clear now. She could carry a conversation with little to no damage. "Did you submit a candidacy for chief residency?"

  
  


She politely chuckled at the absurdity of the question. "There are more senior residents who filed for candidacy, doctor. Compared to them I'm still an amateur."

  
  


"You'd be surprised." Amilyn Holdo mused as she closed the magazine. "File for one. There's no harm in trying. I'll write the required recommendation letter."

Holdo looked over to the surgical site to survey the performance of her resident. "Take my word on this. You should definitely file for one. Congrats, you flew easily on your first solo surgery."

  
  


The scrub nurses pulled out the headlight from her. Enjoying the satisfying feeling of lifting the weight away. "Thank you, Dr. Holdo."

  
  


"Celebrate tonight." She suggested. "Have a drink with your friends in the bar. You would never forget your first surgery. This is going to be the foundation of your career. Enjoy your success with someone. The feeling of accomplishment lasts longer when you're with someone who supports you."

* * *

A sound of a pounding fist repeatedly hitting the door made Armie sigh. Not a flinch, but a sigh. He's already unfazed by the loud barging knocks. Before stepping out from their bed, he gave the glowing clock a glance. 1:10 am. The loud impending sound didn't even give him the chance to let his mind buffer for a while. Armie swung the door open without looking to know who it was because this is the third time this happened just this week. Heavy weighted footsteps hit the wooden floors of his and Rose's apartment. 

  
  


Sound of fast catching breaths filled the corners of their living room. "Where's Rose?" Ben gruffed as his chest heavily rise and fall. Blowing controlled airs from his mouth to stabilize his fast breathing. Beads of sweat rolling down on his face. His black dri-fit high collar long sleeves were stickily clinging to his biceps. He's running attire was finished with black running shorts that ended just before his knees.

  
  


Armie, who's dressed more appropriately on the hour with a white t-shirt and striped shorts, walked around their kitchen island to pull a glass of crystal on the top shelf. "Dr. Tano paged her an hour ago. She needed her assistance on an emergency surgery. Scotch?"

  
  


"No." For the third time he turned it down. Unlike Diana who wanted to numb and block the pain as much as possible, Ben wanted to feel all of it. 

  
  


As sadistic as it made him look, he ran 3.107 miles from his condo all the way to Armie and Rose's apartment without any earphones plugged in his ears. Ben didn't want to drown his thoughts. He wanted to confront them, even though it reached the point that those thoughts almost shred his heart into pieces. 

  
  


His answer didn't stop Armie from pouring the amber liquor. If Ben didn't downed it later, it could be his nightcap. "For me, then."

Across him, Ben was pacing back and forth while his hands were placed on the side of his hips. He couldn't articulate the countless words and thoughts that are going through his mind right now. After what seemed like an eternity of walking the same tight line, he finally spoke.

  
  


"I saw her today."

  
  


His redhead friend placed the glass in the middle of the clean counter between them. "Oh." is his only response. He leaned forward, waiting for Ben to speak more.

  
  


Ben is having a hard time talking about Diana. He could think about her for days with no end. But talking about her is an entirely different story. That’s why he looked for Rose first. But Armie would do. "She didn't change a bit. She still doesn't clean that fucking glasses of hers. I always tell her to, but she doesn't listen."

  
  


Armie sadly smiled at his words. Ben sounded so pissed and indignant about that fact. But it was clear that he's reminiscing.

  
  


He exasperatedly pushed back the wet strands of his hair that fell on his face. "Do you know that she couldn't say the words hippopotamus? She lived less than a year in Moscow in her undergraduate and now she couldn't say it straight. She calls it _hippopotamumus_."

  
  


That made Armie chuckle a little. "I didn't know that." Armie noticed that he's stalling. He sounded so angry as well because he couldn't go straight to the point.

  
  


It began.

  
  


"We had an agreement." His teeth anxiously nipped the corner of his mouth. "We promised each other that it's not more than just you know...hooking up."

  
  


"Then I started to look for that feeling I couldn't describe when she was near me. It just felt weird and unusual if I didn't know what she was up to. And I liked knowing that she was just going to be there and-- warm and staying the night." Ben continued his ramble, his feet not stopping on moving from point A to point B.That indescribable feeling he was talking about was easily to define. It's love. And he didn't realize it sooner enough. And if he did, maybe it would just make the whole situation worse. 

  
  


"You know how smart and brilliant she is. And yet every time I talked about fucking history or art or my stupid hobby of calligraphy she was acting like I was teaching her everything. And I wanted that chance to show someone everything. But she changed her mind about me and it was _that_ fast and she's gone before I even know it." He snapped his fingers loudly at the word.

  
  


Ben is hurting so bad that he couldn't push himself to say her name.

  
  


His painful monologue wore him out. Leaving him with no choice but to take a seat on the stool on the kitchen island. He rested his quivering lips on top of his clasped hands. "I don't even have the strength to put away her things in the house because I'm still hoping that she'd walk back. Maybe say something. Nag me to death. Any thing. Just any sign that she's still there. But I got nothing."

  
  


"Deep down on yourself you know that it wasn't just hooking up when you guys both started. Even in the beginning of everything there's almost something more to her. We didn't know if that was the same case for her." Armie explained. Talking for Diana even though she's not there. 

  
  


"She held on to that agreement until the very end because that was the word you gave to one another. Maybe that was the reason why she acted that way." He continued. It just so happened that the agreement changed direction and that freaked her out.

  
  


But Ben gave so many signs, didn't he? He pulled out the small black velvet box from his pocket and placed it beside the glistening crystal that nurses the scotch. It contains the blue sapphire stud earrings that he bought two days after Diana went to his house for the very first time. That was when he noticed that her earlobes were always vacant and bare while she was admiring the photographs on the walls of his office. He was supposed to give it to her on that disastrous night.

  
  


They were also just a few months in when Ben decided to buy her a jewelry. Only further proving Armie's point.

  
  


"Diana didn't love me as much as I love her.” He scoffed. “ She didn't love me to begin with." Ben hid his lips as soon as he said her name. Holding back the tears that are threatening to appear on his eyes.

  
  


"Did you try calling her? Going to her place? It all went down very fast and maybe you two said some things you really didn't mean." Armie suggested, trying to play Switzerland between them. Diana has no one to talk with about these kinds of things. And that thought made him feel bad. "You could still explain yourself to her. She's not gone, Ben. You still work together."

  
  


With how she easily said that she doesn't love him while looking at him straight in the eyes, how could he? "No. I'm just...I'm just so exhausted." Ben sighed deeply. Bowing his head as his voice sadly broke. Ben isn't exhausted because of his long-distance running or his elbow-deep work at the hospital. He wasn't talking about physical exhaustion.

  
  


He grabbed the box. Clearing his throat before continuing to speak. "And I don't want to feel exhausted anymore." 

\---

At 1:10 in the morning, Diana opened her eyelids. There was no sound that woke her up. No pager going off. No knocks. Nothing. She just broke out from her sleep quietly.

  
  


Even now, her body is still used to sleeping on one side of the bed. Curled on the left part of the bed while the other half is smoothed out and untouched. Still leaving a space for someone who used to lay with her.

  
  


This is what Diana has been avoiding. Snippets of happy memories.

  
  


Kanata shooed her off when she asked for any work after her first surgery. _"I could do scut work." She had volunteered. Just to avoid going back to her apartment._

  
  


_"Babababa." Kanata grabbed the piled patients' chart away from her. She wouldn't let Diana touch any of those tonight. "Scut work is an intern's job. Why would you ask for scut work? Go home, Montgomery. No extra works for you tonight. " Kanata had sternly ordered._

  
  


Diana was left with no choice other than to really go back to her apartment. It was like going back to a house filled with ghosts. Ghost of the past that Diana is too scared to look at and confront. She didn't open any lights when she had arrived. Afraid that she would see a small piece of trinket that would send her into reminiscing once again.

  
  


It was too dark and too quiet for her own liking. At an ungodly hour of the morning, the air was too still that Diana could only hear her own breathing. It was the type silence that drives a person crazy. There wasn't even any white noise to mask the loud sounds in her mind.

  
  


A faint rumble of her stomach broke the silence. Diana didn't realize that she skipped dinner. The celebration she did was drinking a cheap wine all by herself that she bought in the convenience store when she was on her way back to her place that made her pass out right away. That bad decision of drinking without eating anything ricocheted to her early in the morning.

  
  


Diana is too impatient to order for some Chinese. It feels impolite to order at this time. Plus, she couldn't wait for thirty minutes for the food to arrive. She didn't have any groceries either. She has to be grateful for whatever she finds.

  
  


But she didn't expect the wind to get knocked out of her when she opened her refrigerator. It was obviously empty aside from the bottle of mustard and ketchup placed behind the door. But the huge wave of nostalgia hit her awfully bad when she saw the 8-pack box of the blue Canada Dry tucked in the corner of her fridge behind the light.

  
  


That was never hers. She never drinks sparkling water. She was disgusted by the taste of it. But she always made sure that there was always a box of those in her fridge because someone likes to chug it.

  
  


Those innocent cans of sparkling water triggered something deep inside her. She shifted her gaze to the jar of pickles beside it. After putting it on the counter, she abruptly closed the door of her fridge. The bottles of condiments rattled in action. As if closing it right away that would stop her recollection.

  
  


She went ahead to open the overhead cabinets to continue her scavenge for old food to silence her stomach. But what Diana found was a brown cereal box of heritage flakes. Another stab in the heart and punch in the gut. 

It used to make Diana secretly smile when she thinks about the fact that Ben always eats cereal after dinner. Like clockwork. But the things that made her smile before are the things that are making her sad now.

  
  


The memories of Ben started to slowly seep out from the part of her mind and heart that she tried to bury deep. It's trickling like a hole from the ceiling on a stormy night. 

  
  


She doesn't wake up to the sight of him in the kitchen every morning anymore. Half naked, only wearing a black underwear while he tries his best not to make any sound. The crossword puzzle section of her newspaper is already separated from the fold while he reads the news. Not bothered by the cold temperature of her living room.

  
  


But tonight, the kitchen is sparse without his figure. It's looking cheerless and unfurnished. It feels incomplete.

  
  


She's getting miserable for each passing second as memories of him clog her mind. Diana just wanted to eat. Not cry. She's tired to feel her eyes get puffy and swollen. She bit back the incoming hot tears pricking her eyes. She blew a breath, chanting internally to not cry.

  
  


_Don't cry._

  
  


Her hand twisted the lid of the jar but it didn't even budge. Diana tried again. Grunting and desperately tuning all her strength to open it but her hand just slipped. The lid is still tight.

  
  


"Come on." This is his fault. Ben's fault. He liked to make sure to keep all of her jar lids super tight and inaccessible so she would always ask him to open it in a pop. "Please." She begged to no one, desperately twisting the lid. Proving to herself that she could do it without him.

  
  


After all those countless works to take her mind off of thinking about Ben, it only took a tight-lidded jar of pickles to break it all down. The very worst part of it all is that the minute you t are all past it, it starts all over again.

  
  


And Diana... Lost it. She let out a shaky sob, letting the searing tears fall down to her face as she slumped on the floor. Admitting that the coldness she's feeling right now is the feeling of loneliness.

She has no one. The feeling of emptiness caught up to her as she was sitting alone on the floor of her small kitchen with a jar of pickles and a box of cereal on the countertop. Bawling her eyes out with both of her knees tucked close to her. Letting it all out. 

  
  


The separation anxiety is too much for her to bear that she started hiccupping while crying. _It was a mistake_. Concluding internally as she put her both of her hands over her face. A big stupid mistake. She didn't mean what she said to him. And she felt horrible.

  
  


Finally succumbing to the accumulated exhaustion on her shoulders, Diana admitted to herself that she misses Ben. His laugh, his smile, his touch. She misses everything about him.

  
  


She wants to hold him again. To feel his strong and warm embrace that makes her giddy and happy. Diana just wanted to see him smile and laugh again. Diana couldn't go on for another day without talking to him. She needs to tell him what she truly feels and to take back the lie she said. 

  
  


It would kill her if she let this continue. She has to come clean. And she's hoping that Ben still feels the same way about her.

  
  


But just as she was about to zone out and let the streaks of her hot tears dry on her skin. Her phone resting on the counter lights up.

  
  


Then, it started ringing. Who calls at half past one in the morning?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry for the little delay it was an eventful week. it was my nan's birthday and i graduated (virtually) from my 5-year college degree!!
> 
> i hope you liked the update!! 💞💓


	37. One Everlasting Moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And I loved the way you looked at me  
> And I miss the way you made me feel
> 
> -Shiver, Lucy Rose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [little playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4vQjCfPVdPRP6eWH551V1U) to play in the background while reading  
> (i changed the title of the chapter before this one. it was right there and i didn't use it. 😭 it's a little disappointing on my part.)  
> 
> 
> i'll see you in the other side!! 💓 and always stay safe

**Chapter Thirty-Seven: One Everlasting Moment**

Back to square one.

  
  


Diana is back where she was before. In the locker room, alone, pacing back and forth while forcing her mind to form coherent words to say to Ben. She didn't sleep even in a blink last night. She just slumped on her untidy kitchen floor. Staring at the window until the sun started to rise and let its early shadows creep to her face.

  
  


No matter how long Diana walked, the hallways seemed to stretch impossibly far. It felt like the universe was making its last minute chastising before she could Ben's long-overdue apology. Diana has done this kind of walk before. But this time around, drastic things have changed that sent her a painful sense of deja vu.

  
  


With every step, the dread became heavier and heavier. Not because she didn't want to do this. But because deep down inside her, she's hoping and expecting that Ben would say what she wanted him to say.

  
  


To take her back. 

  
  


When Diana opened her eyes after pulling herself together, she's already at the front. For a while, she stared into the empty space. The on-call room became Schröndinger's cat to Diana. Not knowing something won’t kill her. But at the same time, not saying what she really feels to Ben would _also_ kill her. She needed to pick her own poison.

  
  


After three soft muted knocks, Diana made herself in. It was the same on-call room. Entering the room felt like nothing had changed yet every little thing did change at the same time. Ben Solo and Diana Montgomery are now standing at the same place where it all began.

  
  


And maybe this time, it could be the place to a start for their new beginning.

  
  


Ben seemed surprised on her arrival. He was sitting on the side of the stiff uncomfortable bed. His elbows were pressed near his knees as his whole torso slouched forward. A piece of hair was on his forehead when his head shot up to look at her.

  
  


"Hi." Diana greeted meekly. Closing the door with her back. 

Ben sprung up from the edge of the bed. Feet moving backward. His movement was too startled for her own liking. "Hello."

  
  


"Did I um, did I... disturb you?" Her attempted smile appeared as a grimace as she awkwardly flailed her hands towards him. A nonsense motion to charade whatever he was doing before she knocked. 

  
  


So far, their interaction looks like the mandatory awkward run-in between two people who had a nasty break-up who saw each other for the first time in years. 

  
  


It has only been a month for the two of them.

  
  


The past month hasn't been kind to them. They both looked horrible. Horrible in the sense that their lack of sleep and rest are extremely evident on the bags under their eyes. But it is no question that Ben has it worse than hers. If his unkempt hair is not a dead give away, the tiredness etched to his face wouldn't be hard to miss.

  
  


"No. No, you didn't." Ben answered, stealthily glancing at the door before blankly meeting her gaze. His look was unreadable. The dark and heavy bags under his eyes are preventing his face from portraying any kind of emotion. It looked painfully swollen to touch. 

  
  


His wilted appearance just made Diana feel worse. The visual exhaustion is only just the side-effect of what she did to Ben. Underneath his tall and beaten figure, he's broken and non-functional. Too hooked up to the tremendous pain that he let his body endure to the point that he became numb. 

  
  


Guilt and regret eating her alive, Diana started to put her weight to the heels of her feet. "Ben?" she called out like she needed to make sure that he's there with her.

  
  


"Diana." he answered back. He's there. Ben has _always_ been there all along. The way her name easily rolled off his tongue made her entire body shiver. It's one of those small things that seemed important in the past that she missed the most.

  
  


She trudged near the edge of the table to fully face Ben. It's the same place where she stood months ago when she was preparing herself to tell him the long overdue apology he deserved. A year later, here she is again, preparing to tell him his another long overdue apology.

  
  


The innocent brown rickety table glued against the eggshell-colored wall is the sole witness of how this all started. The sparseness of the furniture mirrored what they were feeling. The old piece of furniture bore witness of their mischief numerous times. But now, it is just a piece of memory already drifting into the forgotten.

  
  


Ben Solo is looking at Diana like it wounds him. He's not saying a word. Yet at the same time, him staring downcast at her is saying everything. 

  
  


"I missed you." The air in her throat stuttered, making her voice unpleasantly broke. "I missed you so badly." Diana hid her lips in her mouth to bite back the set of fresh tears threatening to come out again.

  
  


He blinked. Despite the soul-crushing pain Ben is feeling inside his chest, he gave her a somber half-smile. "I missed you too." 

"Ben, I think I made a mistake." she said so quietly. Utterly ashamed of herself as she let out a heavy exhale through her mouth. "I'm so sorry. I'm really, really sorry on what I did to you."

  
  


"It's okay." Compared to her, Ben's answer is succinct. 

  
  


"Seriously, I don't know where the fuck I've been at." Diana is playing with her jittery hands as an attempt to minimize her overwhelming anxiousness. Her breathing is disturbly rattling. "I didn't hold on to the right stuff and I think I just got lost in it all."

  
  


"So you left?" he asked. His question didn't have an ounce of harshness and spite. He was genuinely asking because he needed to know her reason.

  
  


"Yes." Diana nodded as she awkwardly rubbed her elbow. "But I'm here now."

  
  


Then there was silence that gave Diana the opportunity to brace herself in on what's about to come.

  
  


**_Here it goes._ **

  
  


"I love you." and not long enough after Diana finally confessed, an invisible weight on her shoulders has been lifted. She couldn't remember when was the last time she said those words out loud before. But when she said it to Ben, it just felt so right. "Take me back. Please, Ben."

  
  


It's now his turn to let go of the breath that seemed to stuck on his throat. Finally, Ben heard the words he's been dying to hear for so long. He moved up close to her. His height leaned to her. Close enough to smell the scent dancing on her hair. But not close _enough_ to kiss her.

  
  


The quietness of his voice was easy to get mixed up with the air. 

  
  


"I can't."

  
  


Unfortunately, she heard it. And in that moment, Diana wished that she didn't. Those two words knocked her to the ground. Kicked and beaten. The room is unforgivably spinning around her. She's too late.

  
  


**_And away it goes._ **

  
  


Her eyes started to water. Diana looked up, trying to blink the tears as she tried to form a smile. "You umm, you changed your mind?" she asked. Pathetically biting back her whimper.

  
  


"Diana, I do love you." Ben quickly said, a sad smile on his lips. He spiked down the brewing conclusion in her mind. "Don't you see? Don't you understand? You're the love of my life. I can't leave you."

  
  


"Then why can't you take me back? I'm right here now." she desperately searched for answers. Ben is just four feet away from her, but it feels like he's farther away from that. 4 miles. 4,000 miles. She can clearly see what they had slipping through her fingers and she can't do anything but watch.

  
  


His hand reached out to touch her. His thumbs softly grazing her cheek. Wiping the tears quietly rolling down her face before pulling back again. He couldn't do it for too long. It will just make things harder for the both of them.

  
  


"You left me that fast. You can't walk away when you want and come back when you want. So please... Please, just end it. Because I can't. Put me out of my misery." he begged like her words depended on it.

  
  


Her clutch on her elbow is so hard that she could feel the mark of her fingers bloom into a bruise. Diana is biting back the audible sobs behind her throat, straining her vocal chords. She gave Ben a melancholic smile. If that's what he wants, then that's what he gets.

  
  


"Okay."

  
  


Thoughts are jumping too loud inside her mind. So when the door opened, Diana didn't hear it away right away. The rattling of the door knob, the shrugging off of white coat. But when she did finally hear it, time stopped.

  
  


"Hey," A voice of a woman sensually purred. "I knew you were going to page me." 

  
  


Her tear-streaked face darted where the voice came from. What Diana saw threw her into a limbo. It was Bazine, giving Ben the most sultry look a person could muster.

  
  


"Oh," Bazine jealousy perked her shoulders up to try to make her presence more well-known between Diana. "I didn't know we have company." she nearly sneered, crossing her lean arms across her chest. 

  
  


At least Bazine is right in one thing. _Oh_. The universe is making sure that Diana wouldn't be able to pick up the shattered piece of her heart. Ben Solo and Bazine Netal, agreed to meet one another in the on-call room. That thought made her eyes tightly involuntarily close. She didn't need further elaboration on that.

  
  


This is that one second that would never seem to end for Diana. This one fleeting second that would go on for eternity and continue to hurt her. Ben has moved on and Diana is left behind. Alone.

  
  


She gave him one last look and she only saw one thing in from Ben. Regret. Maybe in another time they could be together. But unfortunately, this is not that time. 

  
  


"Good bye, Ben."

  
  


It sounded like a true farewell this time.

  
  


Diana was clutching her chest tight when she entered a vacant cubicle in the bathroom. Her jaw went slack as she felt a piercing pain. The side of her palm is firmly massaging the part where her heart is supposed to be. It hurts. But it hurts more when she can't permit herself to cry loudly. 

  
  


She pressed her fingertips to her eyelids. Now forcing herself to stop crying. Diana can't do this anymore. She had her shot and now she couldn't do anything about it anymore. It all caught up to her. Soon enough, all of the accumulated anxiousness and emotional baggage she has been carrying around for a solid month started to crawl up to her. Diana started to lean forward in front of the toilet and retched. The beads of cold sweat mixed with her tears as she held back her own hair to make sure that no one will notice that she pathetically vomited at the last stall of the bathroom.

That must be the last of her punishment. It has to be it. Diana paid her dues. The worst part is over.

* * *

As the bell dinged on her arrival, the warm and homely ambience of the diner is fully contrasting with the overwhelming worriedness that blankets her whole body. The radio playing in the background was too old and too crackly for Diana to find out what song is playing. 

  
  


She spotted him in an instant. Sitting incognito in the farthest booth near where the pictures of famous artists who came from Seattle are proudly smiling against the aged, browning wall. A signed photograph of Jimi Hendrix, a Seattle native, caught her eye. It was the infamous Purple Haze performance in Atlanta. The camera caught him with his eyes closed as he was feeling the music coming from his bass.

  
  


Diana is still wondering how she could manage to push herself to go here after everything that happened to her this morning. But shame-smoking did wonders for her composure. The upholstered seat let out the tiniest squeak when Diana cautiously slid across the booth. Her shoulders are slightly hunched forward, as if trying to make herself smaller, which is not a good idea on the given situation.

  
  


He didn't look away from the window when he heard the sound. His knuckles are brushing his bottom lip as he continued to admire the drizzling rain outside.

  
  


"I'm quite surprised you agreed to meet."

  
  


It was a harmless statement. An opening word to their conversation. But his voice made her hands on her lap clasped more tightly. Diana figured out that it's best to remain silent. How is she supposed to answer that small talk?

  
  


An aged woman approached their table. A fresh pot coffee on her hand and menus tucked on her arm. "Coffee, dear?" she offered. 

  
  


Amidst the tension quickly forming in their booth, she couldn't resist the smell of the freshly brewed coffee. Plus, there's something irresistible about the diner coffee. Pushing the clean ceramic mug near to the waitress, Diana nodded as she gave the woman a polite smile, "Yes. Thank you."

  
  


After handing out the laminated menus, the waitress left to let them choose. As much as Diana wanted to try their staples, she thought that it's best not to eat right now. The pure coffee was like an abyss as she stared into it. With the steam curling above the mug, she raked her mind to think of things she could say.

  
  


Then, one idea popped into her head. "The travel from Boston must be tiresome, doctor."

  
  


"It was." Snoke agreed. "I was also forbidden from stepping foot in your _prestigious_ hospital, dear. I had to scour your city to find a good place for us to meet." His words slithered with malice. Losing the innocence of the name the waitress gave to Diana earlier.

  
  


The diner was 50/50 choice on the meet-up. By its worn-down appearance and scarcity of customers, it's an old establishment where its existence is known by few people. But its sparse environment is compensated for by the fact that it is situated downtown. It's still public. In case anything goes south, Diana wouldn't be cornered that fast.

  
  


"Dr. Snoke, what's your intention of flying out here?" Diana cut to the chase. She's sure that Snoke didn't give her a 1 am call just to catch up like old friends. 

  
  


The only clue she has gotten so far are the papers neatly stacked on the table beside the condiments. But with how thick it is, it could be anything.

  
  


"Why you, of course." The ends of his mouth sinisterly curled. Giving Diana an ominous smile that made her uncomfortably twitch across him. He flew 3,000 miles just to see her, and that didn't sit well on Diana. She had to end this fast.

  
  


"Sir, with all due respect," Diana fixed her posture to try to assume that she has the upper hand when it's obvious that she wanted to get out of this diner as soon as possible. She was feeling sicker than she was before she entered the diner. All of these are too much for her to handle. Diana just wanted to go home and bum another stick of cigarette. "I had a long day at the hospital."

  
  


Snoke only clinically smirked. His eyes remained stone cold and calculating. "Why don't we just talk about something we're both good at?"

  
  


The weight of the heavy duty ring binder scraped the table, further igniting her curiosity. After a long deliberation, she finally looked down. Opening the worn-out flap of the binder, Diana quickly recoiled as soon as she saw the printed words.

  
  


"These are patient's files." she averted her gaze away from the confidential information. "Legally I can't look at this. This is Imperial Hospital's property."

The man only dismissively waved his bony hand. "We can assume that you're reading it for consultation." he said, disregarding her wariness.

  
  


_We._ Diana tucked her feet closer to her, getting as far as possible to his space. Snoke kept saying "we" as if she is already a part of his institution. She dropped her gaze to the binder again, briskly turning the pages to skim the charts.

  
  


But as she flipped further, the forming wrinkles between her brows deepened. The papers in the binder have the thickness of a phonebook, but Diana only saw one patient's name. It dawned on her, it's not a compilation of cases, all of those countless diagnoses and procedures happened to one person. In a very much familiar handwriting beside each medical procedures, it said: **K.R**

  
  


**CONFIDENTIAL Patient 501**

 **Name:** Max Von Syndow 

**Status:** Deceased

 **Reason of Death:** Total Organ Failure

 **Surgeon in-charge:** Kylo Ren, MD

  
  


"Ben?" Diana asked out loud. Flipping rapidly to double check it again and again. "He... did all of these? By himself?" she questioned, shaking her head with skepticism.

  
  


And just like that, Snoke got her where he wanted her to be. He just looked at Diana with such sickening mirth. "It's written. It must be the truth." 

  
  


Diana didn't know where to start. Because in every angle she looked at, something was wrong. The chart was dated two years back. They were still both in med school during that time. They just got their medical license that year. So if Ben administered all of the complex procedures, it looked like he committed a medical malpractice.

  
  


It was a burn unit patient. The introduction stated that it wasn't a severe case. The patient came with a second-degree burn on his legs and that was it. But that fact just made Diana more confused. _If it was just a simple skin repair, why did Ben administer complex procedures?_

  
  


  * **_Complained of chest pains— 1 gram of cefazolin, 800 of ibuprofen, 2 of morphine_**
  * **_Performing of pneumothorax._**
  * **_Performing an emergency cricothyrotomy_**
  * **_Diagnosis 1: Pulmonary edema. Switched to high-frequency jet ventilation._**
  * **_Status: Blood pressure, 69 over 32. Pulse, 158._**



  
  


He was already sinking fast during this moment. Diana clutched it tighter like she was reading an adrenaline rushing novel.

  
  


  * **_Diagnosis 2 : Acidotic. Pushed bicarb_**
  * **_Diagnosis 3: Fulminant Rhabdo_**
  * **_Status Re:Diagnosis 3: Pushed 6 of adenosine. Systolic was in the 70s. Started her on 5 mics dopamine_**



  
  


  * **_The patient went into V-fib and the surgeon started on manual ventilation. Blood started coming out of the blood crike tube performed by the surgeon._**
  * **_Procedure: 2 units of RBCS and PFP and DIC. Pushed one of epi._**



After listing the patient's last BP, it just said in the end,

**_Time of death: 3:37 a.m_ **

  
  


**_Signed,_ **

**_Kylo Ren, MD_ **

  
  


He did all of those while they were in third year of med school. Risky procedures Diana is still scared and shaky to approach until now. She couldn't perform a cricothyrotomy without reminding herself repeatedly not to hit the carotid. But Ben did it during an emergency. Still a student nonetheless.

  
  


But with how things are narrated, it made it look like those unnecessary procedures he did resulted in the demise of the patient. That Ben killed him when he wasn't still allowed to order things around the hospital because he wasn't a fully-fledged surgeon yet.

  
  


This is a listed and documented crime. There it was, Ben Solo's Achilles heel. His fatal weakness staring right back at her.

  
  


"You didn't think Young Solo got his medical prowess in him all along, did you?" Snoke taunted. Enjoying the puzzled look etched on her face. "He had a lot of practice before he even became an intern. Unfortunately, he wanted to get so advanced that he had to do things illegally." 

  
  


Diana knew what Snoke was expecting out of her. He wanted to see her question Ben's ability and accountability. To be unsure towards him. But even after what happened just a few hours ago, she couldn't think about Ben the way Snoke wanted her to.

  
  


"You were his mentor. You were just as accountable as he was." she closed the chart, pushing it back to his side of the table like it's a bomb ready to explode. The absence of his name in the files is terrifying. _He erased himself from the narrative._ If Snoke is asking her to rat him out to the Board, he just wasted a plane ticket flying out here. "That has got nothing to do with me, Dr. Snoke." 

  
  


Her last sentence made his brow inquisitively quirk. "You wouldn't tell him that you didn't pay his former mentor a visit today? If I’m being honest, Dr. Montgomery, I was fairly sure that I would see Ben Solo’s face instead of yours tonight. All angry and fuming. You know, the usual. So when I saw you walking through that door, I thought that this must be my lucky day.”

  
  


She didn't need to say anything to that. Even if she lied, Snoke will see her right through it. Diana swallowed, keeping her head held high. Diana disregarded his words by asking a question, "What's in it for me?" 

  
  


"I'm feeling generous today. So you have two choices, my dear." he said. Not having any problem to maintain his powerful composure unlike her. "You can either be on my side of the case when I whispered this little incident to the Board. That wouldn't only get his license suspended, but imagine how the news would circulate. _'Ben Solo, tarnishing the family name due to heavy malpractice and bypass of authority during the four years he disappeared to the public.'_ That would be the end of him.”

"No." Diana said right away. Almost laughing at the absurd offer of the old man. "Why would you think that I would agree to that, _Dr. Snoke_?" she seethed, shaking her head in disbelief.

"Surely you must have your own personal reasons." he shrugged his shoulders. "Or, just be a resident surgeon in Imperial Hospital.... But make it seem that you solely came up with the idea. But these files will remain a secret until the day I die. The fate of his life is in your hands, Miss Montgomery."

" _Doctor_ Montgomery." she corrected. "What if I choose to walk away right now?" Diana asked. Trying to call out his bluff.

The second option was so short. And yet it has the same weight as the first. It's not just simple. That act of leaving Alderaan to Imperial is like turning to the dark side. It's an act of betrayal.

"You're free to do that choice, _Dr_. Montgomery. No one is holding you against your will. But expect a scandal tomorrow. I have the press on standby." Snoke grinned as he tapped the binder. "Your hospital would be a circus in no time if I released these in the wild."

  
"The thing is, you already saw the file. A colleague of his has been asked for consultation." Snoke could see Diana thinking. She _that_ colleague he's talking about. He tutted, stirring the pot even more. "That _vital_ piece of information would appear in the papers. How would that feel to our Ben Solo?"

_It's a trap._ She knows what he's implying. It's going to look like she was a part of the whole exposé and she didn't do anything about it. There were no choices no along. The binder is the Trojan Horse.

"I could tell this to Ben right now." Diana threatened, but it sounded so hollow.

"Could you?" Snoke taunted. "The strings have already been set. If I called one newspaper tonight there's nothing more I could do it. By three days, the news would be all over the country like wildfire... Because you chose to _walk away_."

She has no other choice but to walk away _from_ Ben. Whatever the reason of that choice, to Ben, it's going to be an act of treason. Her going back freely to Snoke after he told her what the old vicious man did everything to him would automatically make her the villain in his story.

Ben doesn't deserve that kind of punishment when Diana was the one who casted the first stone. If they are speaking technicalities, she was the first who inflicted pain. 

But why is she even thinking about how Ben would feel after what happened? They're over and he already made it clear by waving Bazine in front of her. 

It was very bold for her to assume that she would get some sort of reaction from Ben when he just begged her to end things between them. Snoke’s offer would be the perfect opportunity for the both of them to have a clean slate. Ben wouldn't have to be on guard all the time when she's not roaming the halls anymore. The only thing she could do for him without disturbing him is space. Three thousand miles worth of space to be exact.

  
  


A choice needs to be made. And if that choice will both give them the new start they want, Diana has to go. She opened her bag, the sterling silver pen Ben gifted to her shined and twinkled under the light.

She's doing this for him.

  
  


"I don’t have a pen with me. Where will I sign my transfer?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heart 💔 been broke 📉 so many times ⏰ i don’t know 🤔 what to believe 💯 
> 
> unhhhh all jokes aside i swear it's going to get better😭


	38. No Loose Ends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the first part, we will see how Ben coped after the night of their supposed to be celebratory dinner that didn't go as planned.
> 
> Down on her last five days in Seattle, Diana took the opportunity to bid her farewell to her friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a cool down chapter 💕
> 
> i made an overall moodboard on [tiktok!](https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSHKTDXj/) take a look and come say hi!

**Chapter Thirty-Eight: No Loose Ends**

Before Ben Solo vowed abstinence to any kind of liquor and just days after Diana turned her back around him, he took a hobby of taste testing all the contents of the decanters in his bar cart. Every broken person wanted the same thing at first, to numb all the immense pain they didn't know they were capable of feeling.

The confines of his penthouse had become too suffocating for him. There always seemed to be a six-degree of separation on everything he could see and it always ended up to a certain memory about _her._ It had become unbearable for him to look around because the woman he didn't want to see was the only person his mind could project even in his numb state. 

The bar in the exclusive restaurant in the lobby of his condo became his makeshift sanctuary. He immediately liked the place for the purpose of killing some time when the bartender was smart enough not to make any small talk after he said his order no questions asked, "Old Fashioned. Bulleit Rye." 

Ben Solo became a patron in no time, earning the title of _that_ tall, strong-built man with a dashing ink-colored hair who always occupies the most corner of the bar. That was his self-annointed seat and no one questioned it. Why would they? The staff knew who he was. And they had noticed that the girl he was always with was nowhere to be seen and found.

No one dared to come to him. Out of intimidation or respect? He really didn't give a shit. He wanted to be alone and that's what mattered. Until one night, the empty stool beside him became occupied.

Ben didn't bother to acknowledge the clueless customer beside him. He thought that they must be new to the area and didn’t know how things worked around there. He gulped down his silent disgruntlement. Swirling the last of his drink on his glass as he licked his lips to catch the remaining smooth and silky flavor of his drink.

After a deep, feigned woeful sigh that was meant to gather his attention, the person beside him spoke. "It's glad to see a familiar face here." she said.

The voice sounded familiar to him. But still, Ben didn't give the woman a slightest glance. "I live here." he replied with a tone so clear that he wasn't interested in whatever the voice had to offer. Too cocky than intended. This type of drunkenness that he has didn't make him slur his words. He was angry and hurt, so the alcohol amped it up. He became presumptuous. A Grade-A asshole drunk.

The woman isn’t affected by his brash response. "What are the chances then?" she asked rhetorically. Flirtatiously humming as she turned her stilettos near his legs. From there, Ben finally caught a glimpse of the mystery woman. The dagger-like toe boxes of her Louboutins are almost stabbing him. "This must be the date we were trying to plan out for too long."

His eyes started its wobbly journey from the red bottoms then up to the face. Wearing a tight black dress and her signature dark blood red lipstick, he was welcomed by Bazine Netal's confident smirk. "And you’re here because?" another harsh question from Ben. His mouth is completely unfiltered and absent of common manners.

Only for a blink, Bazine lost her sure body language. She reached for her martini, needing a sip at that very straightforward question. "I was in the neighborhood." she finished his sentence. Flawlessly telling her alibi.

She wasn't. Bazine was on a mean streak of enjoying the final perks and privileges of her father's credit cards before totally cutting her off when he inevitably heard the news that she was going to come back to Alderaan Grace as a surgical intern once again after failing the exam.

"So, do you live in the bar, Ben Solo? I sure as hell hope not." she teased after clearing her throat to find her ground back. Almost moaning at her own question, hypnotizing the drunken Ben with her striking dark eyes.

He scoffed, tilting his head to the side as he dug his fingers to the front pocket of his trousers to reach for something. He boasted the black keycard that shined under the soft orange and brown lights enveloping the curve of the bar. "I own a place upstairs."

The skinny woman with strong eyebrows scooted closer until she could smell the spicy scent of bergamot. "Really? How high?" Bazine mused, twirling the tips of her hair. Words came out from her blood-painted lips in a hushed seductive tone. 

The searing hot feeling resting between his chest and stomach ignited the anger coursing through his veins. After too many Old Fashioned his big build could manage, his inhibitions were staggeringly low. So he answered with the level of dark, flirtatious voice he was making to only _one_ person, "The penthouse."

She sensually dragged the leather of her shoe to his leg. Rubbing it up and down. "Will you give me a grand tour, Dr. Solo?"

Only snippets of memories come through him in hot flashes. He could remember Bazine fervently begging him fuck the soul out of her in the master bed upstairs. But even if Ben couldn't carry his own weight due to how utterly hammered and angry he was, he could never push himself to do it. Thankfully for him, Bazine had taken it as one of those kinky, dominant games where he couldn’t wait to fuck her and just take her anywhere wherever he wanted and that just made her more eager.

Even in the present, Ben couldn't remember what had happened next in a linear recollection. But he was sure of one thing. What happened was one of those dumb and rushed decisions a person made at the peak of their inebriation. 

He had agreed to take Bazine upstairs because he thought that he didn't care about Diana. He thought he despised her with all his heart. He's Benjamin Organa Solo for fuck's sake, he could rail any other girls and toss them when he's done. He was doing that before he met her, therefore he could do it again. And he was so desperate to prove it to himself that he was that same man.

The hem of Bazine's sheer dress bunched around her waist as she tried to sit upright while going buckwild at Ben's thigh. Riding it with all her might because she wasn't _good_ _enough_ for him yet. Taking it in a different, dirtier context than Ben really meant.

She was panting heavily, gripping Ben's shoulders as her uncomfortably sharp fingers almost punctured his skin that made him grit his teeth in a way that didn't make him hard. "Oh, please. Let me ride your cock." she whined. 

"Be thankful for what you have." he hissed. The high pitch of her voice mixed with her talon-like hold irritated Ben. He swore that his dick would go down in no time if she didn't stop mewling like that. He squeezed the fingers piercing his shoulders and roughly pinned it down on the seat. 

But truth be told, he didn't give a shit if Bazine wasn't prepared enough to take him. He had the liberty to do what she's begging. Plop her in the couch on her stomach and maybe smack her ass a couple of times until it goes red before giving her a proper pounding that would make her walk side to side for the next few weeks. 

He _could_ do it. He just didn't _want to_ do it.

Bazine kept dragging her hips forward and backward under his tight hold. Ben, being a douchebag that he was, realized that her moans have a theatrical curl at the end of it. Those types of sounds could only be heard from those unrealistic porns. _She's faking it_ , he concluded. Fighting back to roll his eyes as their bodies move sharply.

"I know why you don't want to fuck me." she breathed out. Still rocking her hips to ride his thigh. Before licking the shell of his ear, Bazine puckered her red lips between his neck and the collar of his shirt to leave a household sign of infidelity. "You’re still thinking of that girl. I'm so much better than her Ben. What’s her name again? Diana?"

The skin below his right eye menacingly twitched on the mention of the name. That hit a nerve and Ben wasn't kind and gentleman enough to let it go. He grabbed a piece of hair on the back of her head, yanking it to pull her away from him. Bazine thought that she came face to face with the devil when she met his eyes. "Who fucking said you can talk?"

He almost threw her body away,, forcing her to kneel on the carpet in front of him. Ben is so intoxicated on power and dominance that he didn't have a time to realize how rough he was being. He kept his fingers tangled on her hair while his other hand fumbled to work his zipper down.

The quiet gasp that left her mouth just fueled Ben's overbrimming rage even more. "Not so confident now, are we?" he said through gritted teeth as he pumped himself fast.

The seeping anger he was feeling was darkly controlling him. He hated her and he hated himself. He was mad at how easy she walked away and he was mad at himself at how bad he was taking it. His hands easily covered the sides of Bazine's head, pushing it down without not letting her get accustomed to it by first.

Her attempts of escaping his confines did little to nothing. She coughed at the intrusion, trying to pull her head back to breathe. Ben spared a grain of mercy before pushing her back down again.

As the sound of sloppy sucking filled his spacious living room, he craned his neck upward and squinted his eyes closed. His thoughts suddenly dived into the dark pits of his mind. As fucked up as it can be, he started to think how Diana would feel if she saw him being sucked off by Bazine. It's the perfect serve of cold revenge on what she did to him. To show her that he didn't need her to be happy because he could easily find someone to replace her.

His groan rumbled like thunder as he felt her hollowing her cheeks. Spit and his pre-cum dribbling down to the carpet. His grasp loosened, allowing the viper woman below him to expand her movements to pleasure him more. 

Bazine pushed her tongue out to simultaneously lick the back of his shaft with her every suck. She's trying her very best to catch his attention from above. Sucking the throbbing tip of his cock with all her might as she looked up behind her lashes. Stretching her lips wide that it's messily smearing her lipstick across her mouth. Her heavily coated mascara is starting to run down due to the constant gagging.

Ben didn't look down, he was looking up above with his lips parted. But as always, a drunk mind is more powerful than a sober one. He didn't realize that his vicious thoughts he was forcing himself to remember had drifted. Because not long after he had his eyes closed, the image of Diana somehow managed to enter his psyche.

He could see her diligently kneeling with her glossy doe eyes behind her glasses looking up at him, little mouth full of him as she took him all in. Ben could imagine her pink tongue running up and down to the sides of his red cock while her fingers hold his base as she hums delectably. A sensation that sends tingles down his toes.

With how her she's taking care of his cock so well, he was planning to fuck her just the way she wanted to be fucked. Like an eager slut. _His_ eager slut. Ruined for every man walking in the faces of the Earth.

Now thrown in the intoxicated abyss, Ben found enjoying himself. Not out of spite or revenge but out of pure enjoyment because of the fantasy he was thinking. He grunted, softy laying his warm palm on top of her head. Patting it because she's doing so well. "Good girl." He crooned, his deep commanding voice became gentle all of a sudden. 

She slowly pulled back, mouth popping at the tip as she furiously pumped his girthy shaft. "Yeah? Am I better than her, babe?" she riled him up, aggressively cupping his balls in action.

There are so many million things that Ben found wrong in that simple question. He flinched, Diana would never say “babe”, her fingers are not that super soft. He knew how her hands felt. Soft with a hint of hard work. And lastly, her voice would never make him cringe. His eyes shot open as the rug is pulled under him. 

No Diana this time.

As his imagination shattered, all of the bad things he was thinking earlier came back to him in an instant. "Don't fucking speak." He grunted as he pushed her head down again to prevent her from talking again. Bazine, who's gagging and sputtering around his cock and misreading his actions the entire night, is loving every second of it.

Ben gritted his teeth. He has the free will to satisfy himself with any woman he wants. He's the _Prince of Alderaan_ , girls throw themselves at him when he's walking around the hospital. But he knows now that even if he bed different girls every night, it wouldn't fill the space Diana left. 

That revenge he was seeking out would fail in the long shot. And it's fucking maddening and frustrating. He bit his lip down. His orgasm felt so clinical. Ben didn't find an ounce of satisfaction. Bazine eerily acting like his cum is a blessing from the heavens above made it even worse. 

The very next day, Ben threw his shirt and trousers to the trash. Countless trips to the dry cleaners to remove the lipstick stain is not enough for him. He also phoned the concierge, asking them to take away that couch, telling them to do whatever they want with it. He wanted no memory of what happened sitting around his place when there’s already one he's dealing with. It didn't cross his mind the thousand of dollars he threw away. 

The reason for Ben Solo paging Bazine in the on-call room is to tell her once and for all to stop inviting herself back to his place repeatedly because it was a mistake. It happened once. It won't happen again.

* * *

The nail of her middle finger became jagged due to her nervous biting. Diana waited anxiously while clutching the wicker basket that contains her failed bread that she baked this morning. 

_It's country club day_ , she thought earlier. Diana figured that the best time to pay Rose a visit is when she's alone. Armie would get his own farewell after. Rose has to be the first person to receive her sorry and good bye as her countdown to leave Seattle is now down to five days.

A surprised Rose Tico swung the door open. It wasn't a look that would equally translate to "I told you so". By the way her eyes flickered in sadness, it's a look that tells that she misses her best friend so much.

As she noticed that Rose is starting to become emotional, she awkwardly raised her basket. Removing the white napkin to show her too-dry bread, Diana blinked the pricking sensation around her eyes away. In a voice that's almost breaking to tears, she talked. "I made you some bread. But it's crumbly. I must have done something wrong.”

"You put too much flour and not enough water." Rose sounded like she's about to sob. There was nothing cry-worthy about the bread. It's obviously not a good one, but Rose has seen worse.

"Oh, okay." Diana whispered, her lips curled in a sad frown. A tell tale sign that the waterworks is about to begin. She has been crying for weeks. At this point she is surprised that she didn't dehydrate herself.

They both paused and stared at one another. Waiting for any movement. Diana didn't care anymore if Rose rooted for Ben instead of her. Her relationship with Rose is the closest she could have for a sister and she wouldn't let that continue even if she's going to be miles away. Diana just wanted her sister back.

Their happy memories together slowly entered her mind. How she looked for her and took care of her. How Rose made sure that she's not always eating the pizza from the canteen that tastes like cardboard. Diana is not the type of person who likes to hold a grudge for too long. She wouldn't leave Seattle if she didn't get to straighten things out with her.

Rose must have remembered those too because she pulled Diana into a very tight hug, as if compensating for the weeks they didn't see each other. The embrace made them break down into a puddle of tears. "Stop crying." She sobbed, weakly reprimanding Diana as she rubbed her stuttering back. 

"Damn it," Diana sniffed, feeling her throat burn. "You stop crying." she cried back. Instantaneously happy to hug her friend again. 

"Rose, you were right." Diana said after they pulled out from the embrace. "I'm sorry I didn't listen to you right away."

"I should be the one who should be apologizing." Rose held her free hand. "I was too harsh for you that time when you really needed me. I tried to talk to you after but I'm just too embarrassed to show my face after what I did to you."

"You had the reason to be like that." she replied. "It was the wake up call I didn't want but needed." Diana awkwardly laughed, hugging Rose once more.

At least things between the two girls are back to normal. Diana thought that the bread she made had some magic, because she could swore that she didn't feel that miserable anymore. Rose, the sunshine in the gloomy Seattle, is back in her life. Out of all the things that happened to her, she's just happy she has her again.

After the two did their crying out in the hallway, they took their catching-up inside the apartment. Now that their fight has been put in the past, the two easily found their wavelength. With Rose's freshly brewed coffee and Diana's freshly baked baked, the living room was quickly filled with their cackle of laughter and the long list of things they've been dying to tell to each other was unearthed.

For a moment, Diana suddenly forgot all the problems she have been carrying. She caught herself smiling wide again. She could easily pretend that everything is fine and that she doesn't have a plane to catch that would take her to the other side of the country in five days. If only.

"Sorry I can't be here when you were preparing all of this." she ruefully said, spreading the magazine cutouts that shows different cuts of wedding gowns, cakes and seemingly thousand different shades of jade and blush blue.

"It doesn't matter because you're here now. Poe and Finn are very hands-on with the planning, but I need your opinion on some things." Rose giddily answered, fingers curled around her mug to warm herself.

Diana couldn't help to laugh at her friend's visible excitement. Rose is expecting too much if she's thinking that she could match Poe and Finn's wedding planning skills. "I think it's best to go by what they're thinking. I promise you that they're so much better than me on this one."

"Oh they're good alright. But too good, I would say. Do you know that they're almost scaring my wedding planner away? I wouldn't be surprised if she'd tell me that she's quitting. I'm even afraid to procrastinate to plan my own wedding because of those two. So as my maid of honor, your job is to remind me to take a break sometimes."

She froze midway on eating the piece of bread. The pause was so long that there was nothing left between her fingers because all of the crumbs already fell into her lap. How could Rose seamlessly say that? "Wait... I'm going to be your maid of honor?"

"You're kidding right?" Rose just looked at her blankly. Narrowing her eyes like she's making sure that Diana is not joking with her question. "Of course you are! Don't think that I'll get through all of this without you."

"This is amazing! Don't worry I'll bring my A-game." Her face brightened, just making it harder and harder to tell Rose the other thing she came here for. But before Diana could think it through, she blurted something out. "Did Hux find a best man yet?"

They have no choice but to mention the elephant in the room. Armie's best man is going to be, without a doubt, him. Diana's man of the hour. No, man of the year, Ben Solo. She just didn't think the question through. 

"He's going to break the question to him this afternoon after tennis." Rose answered the question softly with mentioning the name. Approaching the sensitive topic with much caution. 

"That's good." she answered but with lesser excitement than before. She fixed her seat before talking again. "Rose, look, I need to tell you something."

The bride-to-be looked at her expectantly. "Sure. What is it?" Rose smiled.

"I'm going."

Diana must have said it in a vague way because Rose didn't catch it right away. She deflated, her smile disappearing into the thin air. "Oh. But I thought we're going to register gifts later. Something came up?" 

"What?" Not realizing right away what Rose meant. "No! Of course we're still going to do that. What I meant is, I'm leaving the state."

"Why are you saying it like you're leaving for good?" She just looked so lost and confused.

As a reply, Diana just stared at her sadly because she really is leaving for good.

She hated seeing Rose get sad. It's the eyes that gets her every time. "Why?" her friend weakly asked. "You're turning down the title of maid-of-honor?"

"Hey, no take backs. That title is mine now." Diana tried to lighten up the mood by rubbing Rose's shoulder to comfort her. "Don't worry, I promise to fly back and forth if that's what it takes. I'm going to take that maid-of-honor job seriously, you have no idea."

The energy around them completely changed. It wasn't heavy and suffocating, it's just sad. "Is it because of him?"

"Unfortunately, yeah." It didn't take a genius to find out that it didn't work out between the two. Rose didn't need to ask for details, because it's clear to her that Diana didn't want to talk about it. "I think that's the best for the both of us. And you guys can't go back and forth between us, it's like the four of you became children of divorce." She snorted dryly.

"Because that's what it felt like." Rose said as a matter-of- factly. "Poe and Finn didn't join us at the lunch table that much before I asked their help in the wedding."

"And Ben?" Diana asked.

Rose looked around like the man would appear out of nowhere after she uttered the name. "I also didn't see him that often around the hospital after I heard what went. We all kind of drifted apart. But Armie said he's so miserable. I'm going to miss you."

More reason for me to leave, she thought. That couldn't go on forever. "Me too. But I'll always be there for you."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

\---

 _“See, you know how to take the reservation, you just don’t know how to hold the reservation and that’s really the most important part of the reservation, the holding. Anybody can just take them.”_ Jerry Seinfeld acted like he's grabbing things up in the air out of frustration.

A roll of laughter erupted off-screen that made Diana chuckle as well. Being surrounded by huge and tall moving boxes scattered around her apartment just made her space like a shoebox. After shoving every single thing she owned in boxes that reach her hips, she realized that she needed to take a break. 

She was about to dig into the hot falafel and beef shawarma that made her mouth deliciously water when she heard a knock on her door. After going through the maze of her boxes, she finally reached the threshold.

"You're leaving?" Poe and Finn asked simultaneously the moment she opened her door. Their faces are mixed of confusion and disbelief. The current situation of her apartment behind her gave the two an answer.

"Without telling us?" Poe continued his interrogation. Absolutely heartbroken.

"Hey, I was going to tell you tomorrow." Diana said in full defense. "I wouldn't leave without saying goodbye. I'm not that evil."

"So you really made up your mind?" Finn wanted to make sure. Thinking that Diana just wanted to pack her things just for the fun of it all. 

She smiled apologetically, leaning her shoulder on the door frame. "My lease ends in three days." 

"You're still going to the hospital that day, right? We wanted to drive you to the airport after our shift ends." Poe confirmed with so much determination dancing around his eyes. 

"Yes. I'll hand in my pager to the Chief after our shift ends. And guys, seriously, you don’t have to drive me up to the airport—"

"We are driving you, end of discussion." Finn held his hand up to concentrate on the delicious smell coming out of her apartment. "Shawarma?" he sniffed.

She blinked. "Uh, yeah. From Avis. Would you like some?"

Finn let himself in. "Don't mind if I do." he licked his lips, rubbing his palms together.

"Where were you hiding your ass during lunch? Nobody could find you. I couldn't find you." Poe narrowed his eyes to her. 

She pursed her lips, embarrassed on what's going to be her answer. She roamed her eyes everywhere to avoid Poe's penetrative gaze. "The basement? Where they store the cadavers?" Diana said in a questioning manner.

Poe pinched the bridge of his nose as if to stop the headache about to hit his head. "Jesus, Diana." He took a deep breath. There's really no point to talk about what happened. She's going to leave in three days, they don't want to waste their remaining time together talking about the past.

After planting a kiss on her forehead, Poe followed Finn inside. "And we're going to help you haul these boxes. No questions asked. Oh and by the way, Armie is downstairs." he said while walking away.

You gotta be kidding me.

Not long after, she heard the footsteps going up her floor. And Diana thought that it would be best to wait for him at the top of the stairs.

“How did you guys get in? My intercom didn’t go off.” she crossed her arms as soon as she saw a peek of his red hair.

Armie almost tumbled on his last step. “The kind lady let us in.”

She groaned. It seemed like Rose disseminated the news to their friends. “Your fiancée is really something else.” Diana playfully teased.

"You made her promise not to tell Ben about the whole thing. But not to us." Armie held his hands up in defense as he told her the loophole. He sighed, shoving his hands in his pockets. Becoming serious right away. "Diana, are you not telling something? Because I know you wouldn't voluntarily go to that place. Ben and I have been there, it's not going to be easy."

Diana sighed. She was expecting this from Armie. "Me working there doesn't mean that I'll absorb all of their principles. I have my own." _I really don't have a choice_. "Ben moved on, do you know that? I think what I’m doing is what's best."

She completely dodged the question and Armie saw it right away. He titled his chin down, maintaining a good eye contact with her to show his sincerity. "Is it considered moving on if he didn't get rid of all your stuff at his place? You and I both know that he fucking hates green tea and yet when I opened his kitchen cabinet I saw a shit ton of boxes of one brand."

"Maybe he changed his taste." Diana bitterly chuckled, remembering him going for Bazine.

"Are you wearing a mouthguard at night?" Armie asked out of the blue.

"Huh?" She furrowed her eyebrows at his very random question. "I had one before but because I am very irresponsible I don't use it anymore. Haven't used it in a year."

"Yeah and Ben was pacing back and forth clutching the case of your mouthguard thinking that you must be losing your mind because you need it... Do you see where I'm going?"

Yes, she does.

"Armie, I talked to him. He's got nothing to do about us anymore. He even told me to put him out of his misery. I think that doesn't need further explanation. It's over. We're over." she sighed. Those are the words she have been repeating to herself over and over again.

"And please, don't tell him I'm leaving. I know he's your best friend, but we're still friends. That's the only favor that I would ask you." 

His smile was melancholic. "Okay. I won't"

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter will be her last day!! she made all of them promise not to tell Ben 👀👀
> 
> i hope you liked the chapter. stay safe! 💕


	39. Last Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I remember it now, it takes me back to when it all first started  
> But I've got myself to blame for it, and I accept it now  
> It's time to let it go, go out and start again  
> But it's not that easy
> 
> —[High Hopes](https://open.spotify.com/track/6KkyuDhrEhR5nJVKtv9mCf?si=EBVeKJZxRIWNOH-6y7lbrA) by Kodaline

**Chapter Thirty-Nine: Last Call**

The dreadful effect of separation anxiety always hits her in the worst, possible delayed time. It always has been like that for Diana. Twelve hours until her flight, she's still thinking that she's only going to move for only a couple of hundred miles away from Seattle.

Sure, the tearful goodbyes of her friends moved her so much, (except for Poe who just made her stomach hurt because of his never-ending jokes because the sadness laced around goodbyes makes him super uncomfortable), but it's still not sinking in to her the drastic change that she's about to experience. Her decision to bite Snoke's offer was so fast that it still didn't feel real to her.

It was a very, very, _very_ impulsive decision and Diana is fully aware of that thought. But after looking at every different angle possible, there's always going to be a disastrous damage. 

_She stays, the news ruins not only Ben but the whole Skywalker and Organa-Solo family and Ben will just hate her even more_.

It just so happened that her leaving has the smallest harm possible. Maybe that was the reason why she's taking the whole move lightly. Diana saw the whole picture and it could've been a whole lot worse.

_Great_. _Last day in the hospital and I'm running late_. Diana muttered to herself as she made a run for it at the closing gap of elevator doors. "Could you hold it, please?" She yelled blindly to whoever was inside.

In an instant, a huge span of palm stretched out to halt the sensors. Diana froze, she knew who that enormous hand belongs to right away.

And _he_ knew whose voice it was right away. On the other side of the opening elevators, Ben is wearing the same surprised expression while he stands alone in the small space. Only he did a better job of keeping his shock more subtle than hers. 

Ben shuffled to the side to give her a space. His big parka jacket crinkled as he moved. "Good morning." he greeted as the doors finally closed. His voice was clipped. It sounded like the way Ben greets strangers around the hospital. _His surgeon voice_.

"Good morning." she replied, giving him a tensed half-smile. Diana maintained a safe distance from the big man wearing a big warm jacket, extremely self-conscious with the attire she threw on. 

The weather today was bleak. The clouds in the sky were grim and cheerless when she looked up as she waited for the bus earlier. And it was unforgivingly cold that she could see wisps of her breath in the air coming out of her mouth as she jogged inside the hospital.

"You're shaking." Ben flatly noted, already in the middle of shrugging off his parka seconds after he observed that Diana is bending both of her knees as a lame attempt to shake off the cold. He could hear the sound of her teeth chattering mixing with the soft hum of the moving elevator.

She silently grimaced when she caught the reflection of herself, thinking that this is what will Ben Solo remember of her. Her wearing a hideous yellow coat so bright that everyone within a hundred feet can identify her, face and cheeks red from running while the ends of her loose hair curling due to the moist air.

Diana has made the stupid mistake to ship the box that contains her thicker coats together with the boxes of her medical textbooks and kitchenware. She just realized it when her things are already moving across the country, far from her grasp. She didn't have any other choice but to perish and wear her atrocious bright yellow trench coat that she owns for seven years that doesn't do the goob job of keeping her warm even for only a windy day, let alone for freezing weather like today.

Mortified of his actions, the words left her mouth so quick that it didn’t occur to her how weird she's being. "Oh, I'm fine. I'm good. I'm okay. No need to do that." 

Ben just looked at her blankly. She looked like she really didn't want it. "Fine." he muttered. 

She said nothing in return but rubbed her palms together to create some heat. That's when she felt Ben inching closer to her. _Too_ close for colleagues. And oh boy, that man felt like a radiator that Diana suddenly felt warm. Both inside and out. She had to fight the urge to put her head on his chest and just stay there forever.

It's true that the feeling of separation anxiety hits her in the worst possible time she could ever imagine. Diana expected that it would hit her when she was boarding the plane or when she's 38,000 feet up in the air. It might be an early effect because right now, while they are suspended in an elevator shaft going up to the surgical floor, she felt it.

Suddenly, it's not easy to leave anymore. Not being able to see Ben while she did all of the preparations has made the job so much easier for her. But now that she got to see him with the thought that this would be the last time, it makes her not want to go anymore. 

It felt like the boarding pass inside her bag became ten pounds heavier. 

Diana couldn't even begin to think how much he's going to miss Ben. She found herself sadly smiling as she remembered how they started. It used to be so simple. Petty, unnecessary fights to prove that they were much better than each other. Then the car rides, sharing the same bed, having their toothbrush next to each other. She took a full 360, loving the man she used to hate with burning passion.

How did they get here?

Ben cleared his throat, breaking her reverie. He felt like he needed to fill the silence with the information he heard last night. "So Armie mentioned something to me."

That quickly shattered her wallowing. Diana flinched as her eyes widened behind in the curtain of her hair. Luckily hidden on Ben's side. "He did?" she asked, maintaining her quiet composure.

"He did." Ben responded, sounding so ominous that it made her heart race. Diana is even scared that he might hear her fast pulse and question it.

The silence between them was so long that she thought that the elevator mysteriously stopped out of nowhere even though it was still continuing its climb.

"He told me that Rose told you the...whole maid-of-honor thing."

_Oh my god._

"Oh, that." Diana sounded like she didn't drink water for years on how hoarse her voice came out. She was so terrified that the moisture in her throat dried out. After gulping she tried talking without sounding like a dinosaur again. "Yeah, she told me the whole _maid-of-honor thing_ almost a week ago."

She bit her lip, thinking that she was way too playful on him. Diana didn't know how to act normal around Ben Solo. To be honest, how would she act around the man who practically begged her to end his agony? The definition of normal between them is too complicated that they can't even resort on being back to the doctors who bicker back and forth. They are way past on that stage now. There is just too much history.

Before Ben could add anything, the overheads speaker let out a soft ding, indicating that they reached the floor. 

"Alright," Diana took a sharp inhale through her teeth, getting out of the chrome box as fast as possible before she could blow her own cover. "This is my floor."

As she went to the opposite way where the resident's lockers are supposed to be, she heard Ben call her name. Her brain is going a thousand miles per hour that she forgot that this is where he gets off as well.

"Look, you don't have to do this." he said, hands instinctively going into his pockets as he bit the inside of his cheek to relieve the tension between them. He's finding the whole thing uncomfortable too.

Her paranoid mind is pushing her to think that Ben already knows it. "Do what?" Diana shifted her eyes from side to side.

Ben sternly titled his head, signalling her to cut whatever she's playing at. "You don't have to avoid me. Or anyone for that matter. Armie may also have mentioned something about you staying in the basement."

"That son of a bitch." Diana irritatedly whispered under her breath. Head panning down to the floor as she harmlessly cursed the redhead.

It wasn't her intention to make Ben Solo laugh. But she effortlessly pulled out a soft, admiring chuckle from him. Bronzed colored eyes gazing down at her as he smiled gently. "Among many other things, he is."

She took a deep breath before answering. "I'll try to stay away from the basement. And believe it or not, I really have to go this way because Chief Calrissian wanted to have a morning chat before the morning rounds." 

Ben didn't answer right away, he just kept staring at her. As if trying to take a mental picture of her with that bright coat that he found adorable on her. "I'll see you later?"

Maybe they would see each other again during the wedding rehearsal which is going to be months from now. But _later_ would suffice. "I'll see you later."

* * *

If Armie thought that he's being subtle with how he's peering at Ben at the edge of his locker door, he thought wrong. Because beside him, Ben Solo's patience is already wearing thin.

He pushed the door of his locker hard, rattling the whole cabinet. "What do you want, Hux?" Ben asked, the annoyance laced in his voice is not hard to miss.

"Nothing." he put his eyes forward again. All of them, except Ben, could hear the time ticking until the plane takes off and Armie is having a very hard time disregarding it. Not long after, he slowly turned his head to Ben's side again. Internally deciding whether he's going to tell him or not. 

Seeing his friend in his peripheral vision staring once again, Ben threw his hands up in despair. "What?" he seethed.

If Ben said "What?" again, Armie was so sure that he might have burst out the secret right away. _DianaisleavingforBostonandIthinkSnokeforcedherintoitandshetoldustonottelltoyou_.

Poe, who knew better than the red-haired doctor, stepped in between them. "Woah, the day hasn't even started yet. You guys can continue it later on lunch." He turned around to face Armie, shooting a glare to tell him to shut it.

They don't know what to feel but to respect Diana's decision to completely leave Ben in the dark. Rose, being the hopeless romantic of the group, is silently wishing that a chasing love trope would happen. Ben Solo races through the airport with his hair bouncing to declare his love while Diana boards the plane. That's a romcom material right there. 

But they all saw how final she was with her plan that all they could do is wait and wish for the miraculous shift in the air that would make her change her mind at the very last minute.

Here's hoping.

As the rest of the resident surgeons continued to prepare for the start of their shift just like they always do on a normal day. Diana is sitting quietly in the Chief's office. Countless accolades and trophies shining behind him. Diplomas from prestigious universities hang around the walls of his office.

"Do I need to surrender my pager now, Chief?" Diana hesitantly asked. Her fingers are already touching the edge of the small machine tucked into her scrub pants.

"No, no, no." Dr. Lando Calrissian waved his hand numerous times to stop her. "You don't have to give it back even after your final shift ended."

Her eyebrows twitched confusedly. "Would that be alright with the HR, sir? This is hospital's property."

The man across the table slightly bowed his head to agree. "Something familiar to hold on to. I know you already signed the papers with the HR people but I just want to check up on you personally."

Diana nervously played with her fingers on her lap. Unsure on how to respond. 

"You're in the best surgical program in the country, the toughest, most competitive, most respected. You want to leave this for Imperial?"

"Sir, with all due respect, I already answered my reason for my transfer in the forms." Diana promptly said, trying her very best not to give away as much detail as possible.

"I know that, Dr. Montgomery. But you just wrote down," Chief Calrissian took a pause. Pulling out his reading glasses to find her exact answer on the papers. " _'Personal issues.'_ I think that we need to elaborate that further for the evaluation of the hospital."

"I don't have issues with how you run things in the hospital, Chief. I think it's great." Diana was quick to her feet to defend Alderaan. "I'm just trying to do what's best for everyone right now."

"Everyone?" The senior surgeon suspiciously highlighted her choice of words. "Dr. Montgomery, is there anything I need to know? Because as the Chief I ought to know." he leaned his elbows to the table. Hands clasped together. 

"None, Chief." Diana swiftly answered, strengthening her poker face. Not giving anything away.

"Are you sure?" he continued to press. Giving Diana unlimited chances to tell someone about the file she saw. "We blacklisted Dr. Snoke here for a reason. He did unspeakable things in the past and I thought you should know about that before walking there empty-handed."

"Yes, sir. I am sure." Diana lied through her teeth.

After what sounded like a failed sigh, the Chief asked her again a question. "Did Dr. Solo knew about this?" he narrowed his eyes on her. 

And Diana really thought that he would let this go right away. She rocked her feet five times before answering. "My friends know, yes."

"But did you tell him personally?" 

Her lips became stiff. Technically speaking, Diana is still under his management. The confidentiality of their conversation between a resident and the Chief of Surgery is still legal and binding.

She shrugged her shoulders, he could know about this one. "Ben- _Dr. Solo_ is the only one who doesn't know." She defeatedly said. Finally giving in.

They understood one another non-verbally. Diana trusted the older doctor that he wouldn't say a word to his nephew because he's _legally_ barred from doing so. He leaned back, this is as close as he was going to get from getting something out of her.

The doctor was about to say something when the sound of his telephone ringing cut him. "Excuse me for a moment."

" _Chief Calrissian speaking. Uh-huh, yes._ " he formally greeted the person on the other line. But as he continued to listen, it became harder for Diana to read his face. He momentarily lost his stiff posture, became completely still and silent.

_Something's wrong._

_"Absolutely._ " he firmly said. Too composed and collected. " _I'll disseminate it right away. Thank you._ "

"Sir?" Diana called out to gather his attention. But the Chief was too busy to press keys into the telephone.

He abruptly stood up to put on his coat. "We can continue this later, Dr. Montgomery. You'll receive a page soon, it's better for you to change into your scrubs and go to the pit. Find Dr. Kanata."

Before she could ask more questions, her pager beeped in an unfamiliar and fast pattern. Her eyes widened in shock. They were trained to recognize the tune of their pagers in orientation before and Diana never thought that she would hear the pattern that she just heard. 

It's the code for hot response. **_All hands are needed on deck_ **. That kind of page rarely happens. But out of all days, Diana received one when she's only a few hours down until the flight.

"Chief, did they tell you what happened over the phone?" Diana asked, feeling the adrenaline surging in her system as she tried to catch up behind him.

"I don't have the details yet. Just orders." Dr. Calrissian is already on the move to notify the whole hospital. "Change quick doctor, you'll experience how we do things here in Alderaan one last time."

\---

The boys were just about to start their morning rounds when their pagers took off. At first, they were skeptical whether they heard the pattern right. It's the general 911 cry for help. But when they saw Dr. Kanata, now an attending surgeon, zooming in the direction. They became sure that something was not right.

"We just heard the page, doctor." Poe said, slowly becoming worried. "What happened?"

Having no time to spare, she spoke. "We just received a word of a mass casualty nearby. All available Level 1 trauma centers have been asked to respond. We need to send a team into the field immediately."

Under her calm exterior, they all felt the suspense behind Maz Kanata's words.

"Dr. Kanata," Poe's voice fried. Wondering if their attending is just testing them on how to handle things under pressure. "Is this-is this a test? Are we supposed to act appropriately, um, tense?"

Because if that was their plan, it was a success. The air around the hospital changed upon hearing the news. They're indeed tense now. Even Ben Solo.

"Unfortunately Dr. Dameron it's not. This is not an exercise or a drill. This is an emergency situation and I need all hands on deck." 

Having one or two traumas rolling in the ER is already nerve-wracking. But a mass casualty, they never experienced that before.

"Now, I need three residents with me on the field." she continued. Maintaining a composed facade as she managed the younger doctors.

"I'll go, doctor." Diana raised her hands to volunteer. Still catching her breath as she tied her hair.

"I'll go too." Ben answered right away. Where Diana goes, he goes. No questions asked.

"Alright, prepare your things. Keep all your interns on standby." Kanata instructed as she moved fast around them. "Dameron and Storm, stay here. Prepare for the incoming trauma. Hux, you're also coming. Let's move, people."

They were quick to prepare their triage kits. A red messenger bag that contains complete first aid supplies, wound care, airway management and burn care. And to protect themselves from the cold and chilly weather of the city, the hospital provided them a thick blue thermal jacket that they will wear over their scrubs.

"Move along." Kanata led the group outside the hospital. "We're catching a ride with the ambulance. Space is tight, hold your kits into your lap."

"Where are we going doctor?" Diana anxiously asked her.

The specifics of their destinations is not yet clear, just like Calrissian said, no details, just orders. "We'll know when we get there."

On the way to the unknown destination, no one said a word. The idea of advancing to a scene that they have no idea is petrifying. But they need to be there to do one thing, save lives. Hope for the best, expect for the worst.

"Everybody, move your IDs the outside of your jacket." The attending surgeon said with her voice a little louder over the sound of the whooping ambulance.

"When we get there remember triage. Hux?" She continued, quizzing the resident across her.

Armie held up the different colored tags dangling on their triage kits. "Green tags non-emergent, yellow tags delayed care and red tags need immediate treatment."

Kanata's head dipped in confirmation. "Good. I can't say this enough, assess carefully. Tag, then get all critical patients into the ambulances as fast as possible. Don't get in the way of search and rescue and stay calm." She felt like she needed to say the last one with strong emphasis. 

Again, Diana asked the question. "Any word yet on what happened?"

She shook her head. "Nothing yet. All we know is that there are multiple traumas."

The ambulance made an abrupt stop, sending them forward. They can already hear the rapid movements outside the vehicle. Ben wasted no time to open the ambulance and jumped to help everyone out.

They have arrived at their destination.

They are speechless. Sheer shock on their faces when they finally discovered what really went down.

It’s a mayhem. With the Puget Sound in the background, its eerily calmness is contrasting the line of injured 25-40 construction people laid out at the waterfront ten feet away from them.

Not just far, a freight boat and a smaller worn out boat clashed with one another. Letting out a black, thick smoke. 

"What the hell happened here?" Diana shouted. The whole environment is in a rush.

"Dr. Kanata? Where do you want us to start?" Ben inquired.

The doctor is still stunned.

"Dr. Kanata." He repeated, louder this time.

She blinked, collecting herself again. "You know the protocol. Do everything what I taught you."

Armie is looking around. Overwhelmed on where to start. Everyone is a priority. "Do what doctor?"

"Go help people."

With that, the doctors went off in different directions. Giving remedy and help to the people who immediately need it. Countless stretchers are rolling. Ambulances are whooping. There's too much blood and unbearable pain around them.

But before Diana could go long, Ben grabbed her wrist tightly to pull her near him. "Stay close, alright?" he told her. He wasn't messing around, Ben really meant it. The amount of destruction they are faced with brought out his protectiveness towards her.

She twisted her wrist around, loosening his grasp. "Ben, we don't have time. We have to save lives."

Diana didn't have to wait to hear what Ben had to say to that. Her instincts to save people as much as possible gave her the strength to pull away from hold.

"Do you need some help?" Diana's voice trembled as she asked a medic rolling a weak person.

"Nothing more I can do here."

She knew what that meant. Revival is too late as an option to the patient. "Sorry. How did this all happen?"

Her feet followed the medic, whose movements are sharp and fast. "It was a fog bank, a container ship clipped the ship of the construction workers. The men didn't stand a chance."

The concept of time faded away from Diana. She didn't know how long she has been checking wounds, tending and cleaning sutures left and right while consoling the men crying in pain. She could be running left and right for _hours_ now, telling and promising them that it's going to be okay. Giving them hope that they could hold onto while they breathe through the pain.

"Please let them know he needs a CT." she told the paramedic over the noise as they rolled another patient to the ambulance. "Make sure to keep his neck stable. Ask for Holdo. Please tell them that Montgomery checked him, okay? Please keep him stable. Thank you."

She smacked the doors of the ambulance a couple of times to signal the driver that the patient is all set on the back. Diana turned around to the site to see that she made a dent to the patients still waiting for health care. She wiped the trail of sweat with her forearm, far from where her dirty latex gloves are. She must have saved a couple. But she wanted to save more.

Behind the gaps of the long shipping containers, very far from the main triage sites where the help is, Diana saw a bloodied man clutching for his damn life. 

She was so fast that Diana was already by his side in a blink of an eye. "Sir, can you talk? Can you tell me what happened?" she asked the most basic question while preparing the bandages. The breeze is now much more stronger now that she's on the edge of the dock.

Diana saw it before the patient answered her question. A deep open wound in his leg. Blood mixing together with bay water all over the pavement like he dragged himself up in the dock.

Through labored and pained breathing, the man tried to speak. "Some metal, something hit my leg. I was thrown off. God, it hurts. It hurts." 

"Okay, okay." Diana trembled. "I'll do the best that I can to remove the pain."

"I started swimming. I need to see my wife. We had a petty fight, I need to see her." The man tumbled on his words as he tried to stand up.

"Sir, not with that leg you can't." she stopped him right away from getting up. Without any announcements, Diana applied the sterile bandage to the wound with pressure to temporarily stop the bleeding.

The man let out the most painful scream as he shook and writhed. "I'm sorry." she grimaced. Scurrying to pick up the necessary things to work. "I really am. But try to stay still." 

She has to set his leg before she could clean and suture it. It’s making his pain worse. "Sir, can you please say your name for me?" she asked while she recalled the steps of setting a leg in her mind.

"Vic—Vicrul." he answered. His energy is quickly diminishing.

_Distract. Exaggerate. Then reverse the mechanism in one continuous motion._

"Vicrul, I'm Dr. Diana Montgomery." she introduced herself as a way of distraction. "Everything is going to be alright, okay? Just stay with me here."

In one swift motion, she yanked his leg. The bone letting out a snap sound as she successfully set it in place. Diana looked around, but they were too far from the site to yell for help. Damn it, Diana cursed under her breath. _This man needs immediate medical attention._

  
  


Out in the main field, Ben Solo just hauled the latest patient he tended in the back of the ambulance that would go to Alderaan for further examination. 

"We have to go! Kanata had to leave us, she had to hold on to one patient who needed a surgery." Armie told him over the noise as they walked to the nearest available transportation. "We're pretty much done here. Now the job is in the hospital, they need our help there."

"Where is she?" Ben yelled back. He found the absence of Diana in the field disturbing.

His hair flapped in the sudden gush of strong wind. "Who?" he incredulously asked. They had more than a handful of patients that went through them and Armie is not sure that he knows who Ben is referring to.

"Diana. Have you seen her?" Ben is becoming more and more agitated as seconds pass on the thought that he's clueless on where Diana is.

"I didn’t. But I paged her a bunch of times, she's not responding. Maybe she’s already at the hospital. Ben, we also have to go."

Why isn't he convinced that Diana didn't leave the premises yet? "I have to make sure. Take the next ambulance, I'll catch up. Page me when you see her back in Alderaan."

There are only a few explanations on what happened next. It could be the stressful situation that gave Armie the final inevitable push. But as Ben was about to turn around and do a final sweep in the field to find her, Armie wasn't able to push brakes any longer.

"She's leaving!" he blurted out. Sounding disconcerted and rattled. "Diana is leaving for Boston tonight! For good."

The noise behind them became muted and muffled. Ben didn't know how to react. If Armie thought that now would be a good time to crack some of his painful jokes, he thought wrong this time. 

"What?" He just stared at him in disbelief, trying to see if his friend will crack in mischievous snicker.

But the laugh never came.

He wet his drying lips. "Hux, stop fucking around." Ben's voice took a deeper dive as he became more alarmed at how far Armie is going to take the joke.

But the longer his silence the more he realizes that he wasn't kidding around in the first place. "What the fuck is wrong with you?!" Ben curled his fists, the large vein on his neck popping out. He couldn't even begin to explain how dumbfounded he was.

Armie just heard the ticking louder and faster than this morning. He can't go back now. "I'm not kidding! She's continuing her residency at Imperial. She made us all promise not to tell you. There's not much time left, her flight leaves tonight. Talk to her, she didn't tell much but something is definitely not—"

With a grunt, Ben turned around with so much force that Armie had to take a step back to make sure that he wouldn't be the unfortunate one who would take the blow.

He didn't know what to do with that information. They have been hit with so many traumas and wounded people that Ben is having a hard time on how to take in what he just heard. With his every step, Ben Solo is just becoming more and more confused. 

No, she can't do that to him. She wouldn't even dare to think about double crossing him after everything he had told her.

But that was before everything went south between them.

As the other side of his mind continues to find holes into his reason and defense, Ben is becoming convinced that Diana is perfectly capable of doing that to him.

He could assume whatever he wants for now. But he needed to find her first and hear what she has to say. He needed to hear Diana telling him right in the face that she's truly leaving him.

How could she even leave without telling him? They shared the elevator this morning. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Diana: promise you wont tell ben
> 
> Everyone: we promise
> 
> Armie: no♥️
> 
> 👀👀👀👀👀 guyssssss, imagine Ben Solo marching like in the movies i— we are IN it.  
> i hope you had fun! thank you so much for reading 💖💕 and always stay safe


	40. The Eleventh Hour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the last chapter, Ben finally found out that Diana will leave for Boston in a few hours. While they were in the middle of responding to the site where the mass casualty took place, no less.
> 
> We will now see Ben search for two things: Diana and her answers. Will he be able to find what he's looking for?
> 
> This is the last time I'm asking you this  
> Put my name at the top of your list  
> This is the last time I'm asking you why  
> You break my heart in the blink of an eye
> 
> -[The Last Time](https://open.spotify.com/track/2Tz4JnXZOcjcp8fWfMjBBk?si=F7h22y3cT_OxBchUD8vtkA) by Taylor Swift (feat. Gary Lightbody)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as the 40th chapter, i made a [teaser trailer!](https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSxt9ueC/) if you can, go give it a watch before reading. it sets the mood!
> 
> i would like to say thank you so much once again for giving this story a chance. 😭💖 i can't say this enough, i wouldn't be able to post the 40th chapter without knowing that there are people loving it. pls accept this hug!
> 
> trigger warning: d//eath and surgeries (there's no gruesome things, but still a sensitive topic so heads up)

**Chapter Forty: The Eleventh Hour**

It was so loud and busy around her that she didn't hear the high-pitched beeps on her pager going off several times for the past hour.

Diana is getting restless and aggravated on the fact that they're too far from the site. Too distant that she could already feel her vocal chords scratching from all yelling and screaming for help. But it was useless, the general noise of the whole place was so strong and tumultuous that her screaming was easily drowned.

Leaving her patient behind to get some help even if it would only take a second was a huge gamble she didn't want to take. Vicrul's injuries are too severe to be left unattended. He lost a lot of blood more than his body could manage. If she removed the pressure of her hands on his wound, it would be the end of him.

But given the chaotic circumstance, she was able to perform a good suture on the deep gash in the leg of the man. The procedure was nowhere enough to treat his injuries, but it surely bought them some time until they arrive in Alderaan to properly tend him. 

"Uh, right," Diana adjusted the velcro of the BP cuff wrapped around his knee. "Now I just have to deflate the cuff to see if there's still bleeding." she talked to herself throughout the whole small procedure, twisting the small valve to let out the air. She intently watched the pressure gauge drop, looking out for the signs.

She let out a small sigh of relief as she caught the arrow consecutively beat two times. _Systolic pressure, the bleeding stopped for now_. "It's good. I just need to bandage you up and call for help."

Vicrul is slowly treading into full black-out unconsciousness due to his blood loss. With his eyes rolled out, his teeth are unpleasantly chattering. His soaked bay-water clothes sticking into his skin mixed with the weather weren't cooperating to make him comfortable.

"Here, this will help for the cold." Diana shed off her hospital-issued jacket, draping it to his torso. Trying all the possible ways to lessen the pain Vicrul was feeling. “I'll leave you for a moment, okay? I just need to look for assistance. I'm coming back.”

Now that she's only left with thin cotton scrubs, Diana immediately hugged herself to cage any warmth left in her system. The bones inside her body iced in an instant when the strong gust of wind hit her, making her frigid and temporarily immobile.

But before she could push herself off from the ground and call for help, Vicrul started seizing violently as he went into the final shock before passing out. "I can't! I can't stand the pain!" he painfully shouted.

"Don't move." she warned concernedly, trying to catch the flinging muscled arms of her patient. "Sir, you might bleed again."

"I gotta get out of here!" he said, sounding unhinged. With all the residual strength left in his body, Vicrul tried to stand up aggressively. “I need to see my wife!”

Many things were happening all at once that Diana didn't realize what was about to happen next. She wasn't spared a second to react.

They were too close to the water, and she was just trying to calm down the hysterical man.

Diana was trying to hold him down, but even though she's not the one who's injured, she didn't stand a chance with how Vicrul is inherently stronger than her. She felt a strong bruising push that quickly sent her falling backward, tripping her over the dock edge. 

Within only one second, Diana got plunged into the water and disappeared.

And only a second after that, the search and rescue found Vicrul. Discarding her jacket on the ground for unknown reasons.

An agonizing pain shattered her body as she got swallowed by the water. _Excruciating pain_. That's the first thing Diana felt when her back rippled the flat cold water.

Diana is not a swimmer.

She started gasping for air as her clothes and shoes dragged her deeper. Her legs automatically searched underneath to find something to step on to while her arms are frantically trying to reach for something to hold. But all she could reach and touch is air and water.

_Help me._

_It hurts._ There's a burning sensation everywhere— her chest feels clogged and impaled, her lungs feel full from the invading water. Everything hurts and it's making it hard to keep her head above water. The sudden immersion from the cold water is making her involuntary gasp, as if her own body is reminding her that she's drowning. 

Being drenched in the water put her into a fight or flight response. Her blood vessels are contracting, heart pumping scarily fast. The thought of purposefully reminding herself to breathe and being denied by it felt terrorizing for Diana that it sent her into a frenzied panic. She's hyperventilating now and it won't be long until she gets tired from saving herself.

_Please. Help._

But the disorientation from the fall is making it difficult for her to do it. Not knowing how deep and the bay really is just freaked her out more. Her hands are reaching up to wave for help, while kicking her legs as an attempt to stay on the surface, repeatedly breaking the water. 

  
  


This is it. Diana could feel it, the exhaustion is working against her and she thought that it's criminally unfair. There's many things she wanted to do that she hasn't done anything yet— she's not yet decent at baking bread; she still doesn't know how to wink; and she wouldn't be able to ask Rose next week if she chose the flavor of the cake anymore.

She hasn’t accomplished anything in life and yet her time is already up.

Diana could hear the harsh slaps of water around her. Her eyes are slowly dimming as she starts to feel her energy dwindle from her constant struggle. Together with her panicked gasps, a faint unrelenting ringing filled her ears and it was unbearably getting louder. 

They say when a person is about to die, their whole life flashes before their eyes. Some say it's a montage of all of their milestone moments, like a supercut. The first kiss during seven minutes in heaven, an unforgettable slow dance and pure joyous moments.

But for Diana, she didn't see any of her first moments. She just saw Ben. Laying next to him in bed, standing next to him while brushing their teeth together, sitting next to him during breakfast, watching him cook, laughing with him, wrestling him, fighting with him, kissing him, hugging him... Loving him. It's such a shame that she didn't get more time with him. 

Her life is Ben Solo.

The ringing became deafeningly loud until that's all Diana could hear. She has no fight left in her anymore. She's tired and exhausted, and the nagging feeling of calmness on the other side seemed too tempting for her. 

Sleep sounds good for Diana. All reason and logic flushed out in her, she thought that she could rest for a minute before moving again. _The fight was useless to begin with anyway_ , she drowsily defended to herself. She did her best, but the constant struggle with the huge body of water was like showing up to a gunfight with a small knife. She didn’t stand a chance and it wore her out. _Just only for a minute_ , she reasoned out as her vision became darker. 

Diana was comforting herself. She was giving in, accepting her fate. She did everything she could and now it's time to face it. Slowly, she stopped kicking and fighting. And it felt good to be honest, _not_ doing anything.

As she closed her eyes, calmness overtook her body, lulling her into somewhere unreachable. For once, she didn't care where she would go. She didn't care how deep the bay is. Peace hugged her as her body shut off. Then, everything faded into a complete darkness.

_"I'll see you later."_

Far from the dock, the meaning of calmness didn't exist for Ben Solo as he furiously ran around to search for her. With the news being unraveled to him in a very bad time, Ben is getting more and more agitated over her disappearance. If she's already at the hospital, she could easily respond to the million pages him and Armie have been sending.

He was racking his brain to recall where he was when all of this was going down. Snoke lured her into a trap and he didn’t even know it. He curled his fists, determined to get to the bottom of it. Ben needs answers, and until he fully understands what is really happening, he wouldn't let Diana get on that plane. No matter what the reason was and the consequence will be, he wouldn’t let Snoke claim her. 

The odd feeling inside his chest that he couldn’t shake away is making Ben restless. He couldn't push himself to go back to transportation because he has this nagging feeling that Diana hasn't left the site yet. The news Armie said to him put a poisonous paranoia inside his mind that is currently telling him that Diana is nowhere safe.

Following his intuition, he went out in the premises of the site, going behind the long and wide shipping containers near the dock to expand his search. There's nothing in there, except from a discarded jacket near at the edge of the dock. He walked closer to get a good picture, pinned to the side is the badge of the girl that he's been looking everywhere.

Diana's.

"No." he said in a shaky voice laced with overflowing fear and distress. The realization knocked him so hard that his feet took a stumble backwards. His soul quickly left his body. Ben knew right away what happened to her. He immediately sprung into action, pushing off his left foot as he dove into the freezing water. Fingertips breaking the still water.

\---  
  


Why is the ambulance not moving faster?

"ETA is five minutes." The medic behind Ben announced.

“You have to drive faster.” Ben said, not giving the man a glance as he conducted CPR to resuscitate Diana. No pulse, no activity, no _anything_. How could it feel like the world stopped yet everything is happening so fast at the same time? 

The blanket that they draped over his shoulders are left unattended on the floor of the ambulance. Ben Solo is an absolute trainwreck. The coldness of the water and the harrowing fate of Diana is making him shake. His scrubs are uncomfortably sticking into his arms. He's starting to lose the feeling in his legs. 

  
  


_Thirty compressions, two breaths into the mouth, then another thirty compressions_. Ben is mouthing the numbers. Desperate to see a sliver of signs of life from Diana. She was in the water for too long that her body completely shut down.

"Doctor, I can take over." The medic stood beside him, volunteering to take over to do the chest compressions.

"No, I can do it." Ben snarled, grunting as he continued to attempt to jump start her non-functioning heart. Almost elbowing the innocent medic who only asked for his own benefit. There's no chance that Ben is going to go far away from her. It would take a village to peel Ben off away from Diana.

The vehicle finally came to a halt. The natural light harshly entered the ambulance as someone from the outside opened the doors. 

"What do we got?" Armie asked as he stood outside the ambulance. Already prepared to take another patient in.

“Di-”

"Call my mother!" Ben frantically said as he intercepted the announcement of the medic. "It's Diana. Diana Montgomery." his voice trembled, still doing chest compressions.

"Hypothermic, freezing cold. No pulse, no vitals. G.C.S. of three." The man carried on when Ben was unable to talk.

"Ben. Oh God." Absolutely dumbfounded, that's all Armie can say when he saw the unconscious Diana lying in the stretcher, the color of life flushed out of her. He couldn't believe it. She was just with her two hours ago and now she's almost lifeless, being resuscitated by Ben.

"How, how long has she been down?" Armie is startled. He has a lot of questions. What happened? How did it happen? When did it happen? But seeing Ben into a state of shock totally fazed him. 

"Ben!" His eyes widened, trying to gather the attention of his friend who was visibly and physically rattled by the whole thing.

"I don't know. Just call my mom." His lips quivered. His breathing is becoming labored carried on with the compressions.

"She's okay." Ben shakily whispered as he assured Armie and himself even when he's aware that it's not the case, still muttering his counts for every compression. His eyes are glassed with desperation and pathetic hopefulness. 

This can't be the end of it. "She’s alive. She's okay. She's alright." He's expecting that if he said it over and over again, it will happen. Ben doesn't want to acknowledge the truth he is faced with. He can't just accept it that fast. 

He's avoiding the moment that somebody is going to call the time of death with her laying on the table. He won't let that happen.

"Look, Diana can't stay here. I need you to help me get her inside." Armie saw that Ben was quickly spiraling out of control, but they have to move her now. "Hop in the stretcher and continue the CPR."

Ben listened to that. He wasted no time to climb on the side of the stretcher Diana was in. His hands not leaving her chest as they rolled into the emergency pit.

"Clear a trauma bay, stat!" Armie yelled. "Move. Out of the way!"

The interns meekly stood to the side as they waited for orders from the resident surgeons who moved faster than lightning. Kanata, who always has it together, lost it when she saw her own intern enter the trauma bay not as a resident surgeon, but as a patient that Ben is trying to revive. Wires are quickly connected to her. Tube are inserted to her throat to give her ventilation. 

"They put a 20 gauge IV in but I think it blew." Ben weakly said as the other doctors worked around Diana, looking shaken and unnerved. Obviously not in his usual, collected self.

"I'll start a central line but you have to get out of the way Solo." Kanata told Ben, feeling sorry for the man who looked so distraught. "I need a humidifier and a saline. Patel, take over with the compressions. Keep the rhythm going or tag out. But find someone to take over before doing so." she barked orders.

"We put-we put 3 milligrams of epi down the ET tube..." Ben is still rambling, stumbling with his words as doctors hovered over her bed to do everything. Not hearing the overlapping voices around him as his focus is still on Diana. "I think it was, uh, two—three minutes ago.... We should, we should push atropine."

Armie busted through the room as he went outside for a minute to give Leia the distress call. "Where do you want me, Dr. Kanata?"

"There was-I think I saw some reactivity in the pupils before the atropine and I think...she might have actually had some cardiac...We need to put an external pacer on just to be sure." Ben stammered, reaching out to Diana. 

"Hux, get Solo out of here. He can't do this. He's emotionally compromised." The mentor sternly ordered Armie. "Okay, she has a new 18 gauge in her left AC push 1 of epi through it." she turned her attention to the nurse who was on standby, getting back to work.

"Come on, we have to go." Armie lowered his voice to encourage him, pulling him out from the commotion. 

Ben didn't budge from his position, staying his ground as he held her cold hands. Not giving any indication that he heard Armie or Maz. 

"Give me warm blankets. Her temp is only at 80 degrees." Kanata continued on disseminating orders when she realized that the two doctors who know quite well the girl they're trying to revive is still there.

It's the rule, never let the loved ones go near the patient. And everybody knows how much Ben cares for Diana. 

"I said get him out here, Hux." Her voice is clipped, fastly losing her patience. 

"Let's go. They're working on her, Ben." Armie didn't hesitate to forcefully yank the fabric of his scrubs to pull Ben out from the group, dragging him out of the room. 

"No, I won't leave her side." Ben who is not in his right mind is having none of it, fighting the pull.

They did an aggressive push and pull until Armie managed to get them out of the trauma room. Even after many minutes of conducting deep CPR, Ben still has a lot of strength stored in his body.

"You have to stay here. I have to go back in because we're short of doctors." Armie said once they're out in the hall. Heavily catching his breath after dragging Ben out. It wasn't really an easy job.

Hypnotized and spiraling, Ben couldn't control his impulse to go back in again. "Let me see her."

He is not the only one who's shocked with the whole situation. Armie is still clueless on how Diana ended up hypothermic with her heart unresponsive. But now that Ben Solo is emotionally compromised, he needs to act as a friend. But as a doctor, he also needs to be composed. 

The role of being the sane one fell in his palm. Armie must be two people at once.

But his devastated friend is making it hard for him to do that. Ben already had his back on him, his feet fastly controlling him to take him back to the room. Armie had no choice but to do it. He fully knows that Ben would just continue doing that unless he knocks some sense into him. _Talking_ is not going to work. He ran fast, coat fluttering in the wind and not stopping even though he's only a few feet away from Ben. 

When Armie saw the opportunity he jumped into it. _Literally_. He solidly tackled Ben to the ground to fully stop him, feeling the ugly impact of the collision as they both hit the ground.

"You have to stop, alright?!" Armie yelled he tried to lock his arms. It was a very bold move for him to try. "They're doing their best to save her."

Ben hitting the ground untapped some ballistic energy inside of him. He became feral, effortlessly blocking Armie's grapple. "Out of all people I expected you to do the fucking right thing!" he angrily shouted, panting heavily as he gripped Armie's neckline. 

It was a misdirected anger. There's a lot happening all at once; his confusion about the move and the overwhelming worry and fear about Diana and it put something in him that made him unrestrained. It only took a matter of time for him to go berserk.

"She made us promise. I had no choice." Armie sounded strangled. His face is becoming beet red from all the struggling. He knew he didn't stand a chance from what he instigated. But he needed a last-minute plan to stop him from going back. 

"You knew better!" He bared his teeth, guttural voice echoing across the hall. The two are not realizing that they have collected an audience who are scared to stand between them. "You knew better than her. You should've told me right away!"

Before Armie could answer, Poe and Finn pulled Ben away from before he could do much more serious damage. While everyone in the audience is scared that they would feel his wrath if they attempted to break off the fight, Poe and Finn are the only people who have the guts to come near to him. 

Rose is standing behind them with her hands covering her mouth. She couldn't believe it at first when the nurse told her the reason for the page. It can't be her, maybe they have mistaken her for someone else. She asked the nurse repeatedly if she's sure that Diana is the _patient_ and not the doctor, confirming again and again if she really saw it with her own two eyes that she's the one who's on the table. But when she caught a glimpse of Ben's face after they stood him up, she knew right away that it's true.

"That's enough." Poe heaved as he stretched his arms between Ben and Armie, absorbing the ravaging energy they created. "We're all on the same side here."

Feeling utterly defeated, Ben helplessly slumped on the floor, pressing his back on the nearest wall. The exhaustion is finally catching up with him. "They threw me out. They don't want me in the room." he sniffed, looking guilty after he realized his reckless reaction.

"What do you need?" Finn asked, feeling sorry for Ben who looked like a man who he lost everything. Because in some ways, he did.

After a few quiet seconds, he answered. "Please, just...go in there."

Poe and Finn gave each other a look of understanding. They're not prepared to see the severity of Diana's condition, they're not even sure if they can take it. But in order to save her life, they have to. Without saying a word, they walked to the trauma room to fulfill his request.

He was later joined by Armie and Rose, sitting down next to him on both sides. Even though he won't say it, they know that he needs someone by his side this moment. Rose reached out to touch his arm, reminding him that he's not alone.

Ben didn't recoil. He accepted the silent comfort. "I pulled her out of the water." his voice broke as he recalled the scene in his mind. "I called her name again and again but she didn't hear me."

"Diana will come through this." Rose's hold became tighter, pursing her lips to prevent from audibly sobbing. They don't know how long they stayed sitting like that. Waiting in anticipation silence with their eyes glued to the doors, waiting for any update. 

Meanwhile in the trauma room, Diana is still cold and blue and Kanata needs more sets of hands than she already has to bring one person back to life. But due to the mass casualty that rolled in to their emergency pit she had to adapt and improvise

"What can we do, doctor?" Poe asked, already putting on latex surgical gloves. 

Maz looked up to them, hesitating. She knows it's too personal. It's human nature, everybody acts different when someone they know is the one laying on the table. The perspective has changed, and it's hard to act professionally and do their job without having emotions mixed in. But they're outnumbered, she has no choice but to accept it. 

She pointed her at two fingers at them, warning them. "One word other than her vitals and updates and I'll kick you out. I mean it, you need to act as doctors not as her friends. I know it's hard but you have to do it."

They inclined right away, pushing down the absolute horror when they finally saw a glimpse of the lifeless Diana.

"We're going to do interposed abdominal CPR. Storm, you're on the abdomen. Dameron, do the chest. Push and alternate. Keep it steady and do a hundred beats per minute."

The interns are visibly grateful when they get pulled out. They whisked their hands as they climbed off from the table, shaking the fatigue off. The machine connected to her heart is not beeping unless they're doing the compression. Diana's life is literally in their own hands. One miss from the rhythm and it will make the situation a whole lot worse. 

"What's her temp now? I'm seeing no vitals at all." Finn inquired through fast breaths. 

"Only at 81. We need to warm her heart up to 98 before we can start her heart." Kanata supplied him with answers as she kept working, preparing the things needed for a warm gastric lavage. They need to do all the possible options to get her at the desired temperature fast.

"What's her potassium level?" she asked the nurse beside her. 

"Six, doctor." The nurse answered, waiting attentively to the next order.

All of a sudden, the monitor started to beep rapidly. Their hearts dropped, heads shooting to the direction of the machine. It showed continuous sharp waves, lines going up and down erratically. 

"Whoa." Poe froze, eyes going wide. "Was that V-fib? She will go into cardiac arrest."

"Hands up, both of you." Kanata instructed. "Charge to 300. Let's go, let's go." she said in a frenzy.

The two doctors folded their arms up, stopping their compressions as they heard the defibrillator whine. The fast beepings of the machine are making their chests heave in anxiousness. 

"Clear." 

A thud was heard as the energy from the defibrillator is transferred to Diana. The erratic rhythm stopped, dreadful silence filled the room.

"Back to asystole." the surgeon closed her eyes in a temporary silent relief. 

"Dr. Kanata, is there a possibility that maybe Diana is-" Finn stuttered. Being superstitious, he can't say the word, terrified that it might go true. Her vitals are down, not showing any amount of movement. No heartbeat on its own and abnormally cold. That's the textbook signs of the thing they're afraid to say.

He skipped the word. "I know the hypothermia is protective to her vital organs but how much longer do you think we can go on like this?"

"Storm," Kanata snapped, giving him a pointed look. "One more question like that and I'll throw you out of the room. She's not dead until she's warm and dead, do you hear me?"

The younger doctors in the room subtly flinched when they heard the _word_. She took a deep sigh, calming herself down. She’s the only source of strength, she had to be strong. "Her temperature will go up and her heart will start again. That is the only possibility I'm prepared for." she insisted.

The attending surgeon crouched down next to Diana's ear to whisper. "You better not pull anything funny on me, Montgomery. You can't give up. Do you understand? Don't even try to think of escaping the talk I'm going to give you once you wake up."

* * *

It's killing Ben, not knowing anything. Not being near her, not seeing her and not being able to help. All he can do is sit in silence and be alone in his own thoughts. He's still wearing his cold and wet scrubs, not bothering to change. A news might arrive at any moment and he wouldn't risk missing it.

Hurried footsteps gathered his attention. Ben immediately clocked the small figure coming near them. He scurried to stand up. "Mom." he said. He can't hold it back anymore. Ben crouched, crumbling down on his mother's arms. Tears streaming down on his face. Absolutely terrified. 

"Diana doesn't know how to swim. She told me that before but I wasn't there for her." Ben rambled. He just sounded so wounded and beaten up. "If I looked for her earlier none of this would've happened. It's my fault—"

"Don't blame yourself. You saved her. " Leia wrapped her arms around him. She saw fear in her boy's eyes right away. It’s not hard to miss, he stood there defenseless and unassertive. His guard is completely down, evidently vulnerable. "We're going to do everything."

"I want to go in there." he begged with a choked sob. "I can make myself useful. I can do an ABG, anything. I just need to be there."

"You can't, Benjamin." Leia put her hand on his chest, feeling the palpitating heartbeat of her son against her palm. "You're in no shape. You have to stay here. Do that for Diana."

"Mom, I can't lose her." he shook his head. "I can't...I don't know what I'm going to do if...Don't let it happen. Please." Ben desperately pleaded. 

He's scared. Benjamin Organa Solo is an excellent doctor and he knows well the severity of Diana's condition. He knows the odds. He just didn't want to accept it. He couldn't cope with the fact that he should prepare himself into any case scenario- the best and the worst.

A miracle. That's what he needs.

"We'll do everything." Leia comforted, giving Ben a tight squeeze before letting go.

\---

In the trauma room, Diana is still cold and technically dead. 

"What's her lead?" Leia entered the room ready with one thing in mind, to bring Diana back to life. It’s been years since Leia retired and put down her scalpel. But that doesn’t mean that she got rusty in the medical field she practically invented.

The room felt instantly recharged. Her presence is what the people inside the room needed at the moment. Her undying hope gave them another boost of motivation. They can't give up now that they've gone this far.

"Asystole in three leads, doctor." Kanata answered to give Leia a rundown. 

"And her temp?"

"86. Still no movement on the heart. No fibrillation."

She nodded, scanning her charts to make sure that she didn’t miss anything. “That's still low. How many epi did you put in?”

“Six for the past three hours, Dr. Organa.”

She shook her head in concern. Seeing the exhaustion in Kanata's face, Leia walked closer to the table to take over. "Let’s not put another epi. She's not circulating. It won't get to her heart. It'll pool in her system, and that can be toxic."

"It's been too long, we're running out of time." she said to herself as she came down into a decision. "People, we're going to do a cardio-pulmonary bypass. OR is full, we have to do it here, okay? Nobody will think of anything but a rhythm from that monitor right there. I won't leave this room until her heart is beating on its own."

"Scalpel." The people scrambled around, giving Leia the space she needed to do the operation. "Ok, draw an ABG, push a gram of mac and an amp of calcium. Stop the compressions." she looked at Finn and Poe, letting the bypass do its job.

The respirators hissed, warming her and getting her blood circulating. Leia checked the charts again. They've done everything; from a warm peritoneal lavage to continuous bladder lavage with warm fluids and still nothing. 

The bypass is their last chance. And now, all they have to do is just wait.

So that’s what they did. They waited… and waited. But after an hour of being into bypass, everybody is afraid to say a word. They’re afraid to move and make a sound because they might miss even a small rhythm in the monitor.

"Okay, put one more round of ACLS drugs." Leia instructed.

Still no movement.

"Turn the pacer up to max." she said. If there was any ounce of activity the pacer would have picked it up.

"It's still not catching anything, doctor." Kanata quietly responded. Getting more and more despondent from the lack of reaction.

"Can somebody tell me what her external body temperature is?" Leia asked the crowd. Still looking for ways to save Diana.

"She’s at 98 degrees now, Dr. Organa." A nurse answered.

The room stood still. They know what that meant. Diana already reached the threshold, but there's still no heartbeat. She's warm....and dead.

The machines beep fast again. "She's coding!" Finn yelled. Diana is going into cardiac arrest now. 

"Shock her at 300, give me the paddles." Leia instructed. She rubbed the defibrillator together before pressing it to her chest. "Charge."

"Clear."

"Don't do this to us, Diana. Come on." Poe whispered under his mask. His fists are curled with faltering determination, using the last of assurance left in his body. Eyes looking intently on the monitor.

A thump… Then, another silence overtook the room.


	41. A Supercut of Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Did you say it?  
> 'I love you.'  
> 'I don't ever want to live without you.'  
> 'You changed my life.'  
> Did you say it? Make a plan. Set a goal. Work toward it, but every now and then look around; Drink it in 'cause this is it. It might all be gone tomorrow.”
> 
> -Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a little author's note before reading: bold + italic sentence means the whole thing is a flashback!

**Chapter Fourty-One: A Supercut of Us**

When Ben Solo couldn't feel her heartbeat against his palm, he felt more than half of him die, and there was no ounce of regret in his body when he internally declared and wished that his pulse would also just go nonexistent as well.

The series of emotions he had felt from the moment he dove to the second he was banished from the trauma room gave him a whiplash that couldn't seem to fully recover even until now.

When exactly is now? Out of all the countless surgeries he knows what to do without questioning which is to cut and not to cut, that's the question _the_ Benjamin Organa Solo can't answer. It's like he got thrown into the limbo where nothingness only exists. His sense of time became so obscure and so warped that he's having a hard time to determine it. For him, it felt like days, weeks and months merged together.

But there's one thing he knows as a truth, and that is news travels awfully fast. He felt absolutely offended, disrespected even, at how the world around him didn't stop even for a second to cut him some slack when his very own world is already turning to a thick blanket of dust. Like a skyscraper in the process of being demolished by industrial explosives and he couldn't do anything about it other than be an audience like the rest and watch it all cascade smoothly into rubble.

Ben is in deep trance that he didn't realize that he's not wearing the same clothes he wore when he pulled Diana out of the water. But the dry and ironed dress shirt and trousers he is now donning hardly did the job done to create an illusion of composure. Sure, he looked sharp and decent. But he didn't fool anyone. He is still as distraught as he was before. Still in a deep daze that seems like he wouldn't get snapped out of anytime soon. Staring into the void with his eyes glisten in emptiness. Undoubtedly broken.

Small groups of people have gathered around. The witnesses are quietly passing the story around how they all saw Dr. Ben Solo, with their own eyes, being intensely dedicated to resuscitate Dr. Diana Montgomery that he had to jump on her moving stretcher and didn't even show any signs that he was getting tired of it until he got kicked out from the trauma room.

The new interns quietly huddled together in one corner, reminiscing and trading stories in their circle how Diana was a good teacher to them. Unlike other senior terrifying residents, she took her time to explain and guide them without being condescending and insulting. Diana didn't only inspire them to be better in their careers, she taught the most basic thing most of the doctors seem to forget to practice, compassion. To be human.

Ben didn't catch the pitied glances and sympathetic head tilts and turns people give in his direction. They all feel sorry for the man, but they couldn't push themselves to come near him and give their sincere consololations. Because even in his most vulnerable and unguarded state, they are still extremely intimidated by him. They made the right decision because Ben didn't need those. He didn't need the overbrimming sympathy. It makes him sick to his stomach. And to be frank, it just bubbles up his anger. 

He is too engrossed to hear the hushed and careful whispers around him as he found himself intently observing the linoleum floor underneath his shoes. Ben found solace in staring at the shiny floor because it is the only thing around him that didn’t give him the pitied look. Instead, it became the mirror of his catastrophic state. He’s now soberly conscious how his hair is in disarray from running his fingers through it over and over. He's now perfectly aware how his eyes are bloodshot and swollen, the tip of his nose is awfully red and his lips almost bruising from repeatedly pulling it back with his teeth.

A certified mess. And he couldn't fucking care less if people talk about how miserable and pathetic he looks.

Then suddenly, without any visible catalyst, Ben cracked a smile. It wasn't the half-assed, half-smile Ben gives to people when he's trying to be polite. It wasn’t the forced one he makes when he's about to tell good news to the anxious family in the waiting room either. (Diana compelled him to smile even when he was strongly against it.)

No. It was an actual, genuine, wide smile that made the side of his eyes crinkle. A smile only an incandescently in love person can make. The one Ben can only make when he's with Diana, or when he thinks of her.

The peculiarity didn't stop there. He softly shook his head as if trying to remove the smile from his face. But instead of making it disappear, it made things weirded. His smile then followed by a suppressed chuckle, making his broad shoulders and wide chest stutter.

It wasn't the appropriate time and place to show any sign of happiness, but he couldn't help it. 

The sound of his stifled chuckle made Armie flinch beside him. The sudden burst of emotion Ben let out after being in another plane of unreachable dimension startled him. He carefully gave Ben a concerned look, assessing if his best man has completely gone off the rails.

Ben saved his friend from any further uneasiness. He sniffed, traces of his smile gradually fading. "Remember the orientation day? The morning before the mixer." He asked, voice painfully hoarse and croaky.

Armie slowly inclined, recalling the scene in his mind. How could he forget. "Sure, I remember. Why?"

"The girl," His eyes panned down, also recalling the moment with himself. "It was Diana." There was a miniscule of elation hidden in his tone. It sounded giddy if Armie put his words into a microscope and made a cross-section about it.

The red-haired doctor was stunned at the revelation. "No way." He straightened his slouched back, as if preparing to hear some exclusive news he never heard before. His eyes flamed with extreme curiousness, instantly forgetting the mood of the environment around them. "How did you know it was her? We didn't meet her in the mixer."

Ben had an inkling that Diana was the girl from the orientation for so long. The minute Kanata left them with their very first patient, to be exact. He became a hundred percent sure that it was her when they had the little, not so passive-aggressive fight over who's going to control the stretcher. 

\---

**_It was the day before they officially started their internship program._ **

An orientation is the torch that signals the start of something. It has always been like that, career-wise and academically-wise. And for surgeons, they always find ways to make the scene fiercely competitive. Even their icebreaker activity was a dog-eat-dog.

Chief Calrissian was center stage, a confidential case flashed behind him, taking up the whole wall. It was a patient during his residency many years ago and it was an enigma that shook his world. And he thought that it would be the perfect way to challenge the buzzing surgical interns taking up the seats of the conference room.

The energy of the dark auditorium was palpitating. It was like an arena and every single one of them was ready to pounce. Ready to make a statement that they are not to be trifled with.

Dr. Calrissian walked back and forth on the stage, easily claiming dominance of the room. "The patient was discharged, and a month later, she was back in the E. R. in the middle of the night. She had right lower quadrant pain, fever, vomiting. Those symptoms consistent with?"

"Appendicitis." Ben answered nonchalantly but cocky. His deep baritone voice had no difficulty to reach every corner of the auditorium. He was smug that he got to talk first before others could even open their mouths. Hands shot up in the air before speaking, but he went with it right away. 

"Aha!" Lando's positive exclamation made other interns shift in their seats, reassuring themselves that they also knew the answer. The man with the rich voice just beat them to it.

"I'll take that one. Because that's what I thought too. But unfortunately, when I opened up the patient, there was no infection. No inflammation. The whole lower right quadrant looks good."

When he didn't see any hands in the crowd, he continued. "So, Patient X had a healthy appendix. The third surgery didn't help with the unrelenting abdominal pain, fatigue and muscle pain. Now what?"

Murmurs and eagerness chatter rolled off in the audience. Those were the textbook symptoms of a ruptured appendix, and yet that wasn't the case. 

Even Ben was surprised and a tad bit embarrassed about the fact that he didn't get the correct answer. He hit the wall as quick as he said his answer earlier.

"It could be lupus." Three rows in front of Ben and Armie, someone raised their hand. Girl's. She didn't sound as confident as him, but she didn't sound insecure either.

"Lupus?" Lando repeated the diagnosis with a raised brow at the direction where the voice came from, as if urging the girl to carry on. 

"Yes. Or it could also be lead poisoning or hemocromatosis." She shrugged. 

"Good thinking." He commended the anonymous intern in the crowd who tried to give an answer when no one else did. "But unfortunately, the test came out negative. It wasn't any of the two."

Ben was starting to think that this whole quiz was a trick to give them a lesson when to throw a towel and announce hospice. His identity is masked, all thanks to the darkness spilled over the whole auditorium with the only light focused on the stage. So he took it as an opportunity to speak again.

"A prescription of Prozac and sending them home with a psych consult would be the best choice in the scenario. Patient X could be suffering from phantom pains." Plus, months of severe, untreated pain can be depressing. 

But the third-row girl completely disagreed with his sentiment. Before Dr. Calrissian could comment on Ben's deduction, she interjected. "Was it by chance, celiac disease?" She further prodded, not letting it go.

The surgeon on the stage shook his head. "Negative. Lyme disease, also negative. Every test I could think of, negative."

"It couldn't just be phantom pains. Maybe it was because of the obstructions of their past surgeries." The girl made sure she voiced her opinion quite well. 

"Why couldn't it be?" Ben scoffed in his seat, crossing his arms across his chest. His eyes squinted in disbelief while lifting his neck in the girl's direction. He couldn't stop himself. "They cut them open three times and didn't cure their pain. Wouldn't you be depressed if that were you?"

"You have a point. But a pain with an indeterminable source is not always a one-way ticket for psych. What would happen to us if we always send the medical mysteries to psych right away?"

The chairs squeaked awkwardly. Some of the interns were unskillfully laughing, while some of them were making themselves comfortable on the edge of their seats. In situations like this, there's always those _two_ persons who barely know each other who would get into a heated argument. 

Ben didn't realize that him and the unknown girl were intensely going off on each other with their fellow co-interns listening like it's an anticipated tennis match. Even Chief Calrissian stopped talking on the stage.

Armie, on the other hand, was living for it. They had just finished med school, and it's a truth university acknowledged that Ben Organa Solo was untouchable. People back in Harvard were scared to open a discussion with him because they were afraid that he would show how dumb and clueless they are compared to him. So for years, no one had the guts to parley with the man. Until that day.

Seeing Ben being in a dispute with a girl they don't even see was like a refreshing drink to Armie. As evil as it sounds, his friend's freshly bruised pride made him sneakily smile to the side. 

When the orientation concluded, Ben stayed for a minute longer as an attempt to see a glimpse of the face of the girl who crossed him. It intrigued him so much that he had to see her. 

But Ben was unsuccessful that night. The women who introduced themselves to Armie, and the ones who batted their eyelashes and flirted with him (one-sided), during the mixer didn't have the same strong-willed voice from the one in the orientation.

Then just twenty four hours later, Ben Solo shared his first patient as a legitimate surgeon with the girl he was looking for.

**_He knew her a day before their story even began._ **

\---

"Yeah. We found out over dessert that we were each other " His smile dimples deepened as those memories briefly flashed before his eyes. 

"Of course the girl was her. Why didn't I realize it right away?"

Ben knew it was her right away. It just took long for him to ask her. Among other things.

After sharing a light chuckle, the two fell into absolute silence. The descresendo of their conversation made the side of their lips drop. Ben realized that he was looking in the past, remembering his moments with Diana. Because the present is too painful for him to bear. 

There are people around him and yet, he feels so alone.

Out of all the people who are hesitant to come over and talk to him, there's one who easily approached him. "I'm sorry for what happened, Ben." 

He didn't look up right away. The last time he talked to this person, the guilt tripped him so much he had to dispose of a piece of large furniture in his living room. 

How is he supposed to respond? He really can't say 'it's okay' or 'I'm fine' because he's miles far on the spectrum of being okay. 

Ben nodded, giving Bazine one those tight-lipped, forced smiles without looking up.

Bazine, in her true fashion, didn't get the signal that he wanted to be left in his own devices. She carries on with her monologue while Armie is confused whether she really means it or not. 

"She was a good doctor, a competitive one. She was always prepared, always excited like me. She knew her stuff too, I'm impressed."

A beat. "If you need someone to talk to, I'm here." 

The way Bazine didn't say her name didn't dwell right on him. And maybe because it sounded like a messed-up eulogy to him. Finally, Ben removed his gaze from the floor and stared straight at her without blinking. " _is_." he simply said.

She didn't understand him. "Hmm?"

"You kept saying 'was'. Diana is not dead."

As if on cue, Leia finally appeared through the doors. Being a veteran in the surgical field, Leia is a pro in doing the blank, neutral face doctors do when the family of the patient enters their eyesight. Even Ben can't read the expression of his own mother.

He wasted no time to stand up, scrambling to be close to his mother. "Please tell me she made it." 

Leia held his hands, pulling the two of them farther away from the spectator trying to eavesdrop behind her son's back. His hands are trembling and cold, uncannily like the girl she was trying to revive just a few minutes earlier. 

"Mom please just," he abruptly stopped his sentence. There are no hundreds of answers here, it's just a succinct yes or a no. "You can say it. I can take it." He doesn't know if what he said was true, but he doesn't have any option but to _take it_.

What she is about to say would never change. He held his breath and Ben somehow convinced himself that he will keep holding it until the rest of the time if—

"We got a sinus brady."

He must be dreaming. For the first few seconds, Ben was unable to react. He just stood there with his lips parted. 

"You got a heartbeat?" Ben clutched Leia's forearms. He has to make sure that that is what she meant.

"We got it." She let out a delightful huff of relief. "Diana is breathing on her own now."

The wave of satisfaction hit Ben so hard that he had to plant his feet on the floor to stabilize himself. His tight shoulders dropped. His chest is heave free, letting out all the air he suppressed inside his lungs for hours on end.

"Diana is a tough cookie. She really put up a fight." Leia pushed his hair back, tears of happiness welling up in his eyes. Face instantly became brighter. 

That's the Diana he knows. Tough as hell. Stubborn. He crouched down, giving his mother a tight embrace. Eternally grateful for what she has done.

After gently pulling from the hug, Ben realized that she can't form a full smile yet. "Is she awake?" he asked right away.

"She's still not conscious. Her brain waves are still slow and irregular. Ben, you have to give it some time. She was in the water for too long, it shut her body down."

It's not over. It's always 'not yet over'. "Can I see her now?" He worked his jaw, the feeling of uncertainty breathing down on his neck again.

"You can. Let her know that you're by her side. It will make a huge difference." She rubbed his arm, giving comfort. "She has gone this far. If she cheated death, Diana can wake up from this."

\---

**_"Ben."_ **

"Yes?"

"Did you hear what I just said? I'm buying a shit ton of candies next Halloween and you're going to love it."

He let out a feigned disapproving groan, his fingers softly tracing shapes and lines on her legs that were stretched on his lap. "You know I fucking hate Halloween."

Stacked medical books and flashcards are sprawled on the coffee table while they longue on the sofa, long before Ben threw it out. Diana's nuclearly strong tea was brewing next to her Harrison's Principle of Internal Medicine textbook that almost blinded Ben from all the neon highlights.

She let out a dry laugh. "But the picture your mom showed me when you were eight says otherwise, _Elliott_." Diana paused for dramatic effect. "The red hoodie, the basket in front of the bike, the blanket and the terrifying realistic E.T. It was the whole 9."

He threw his head back. Ben walked in on that one. He forgot Leia already did the mandatory showing off of the childhood photo albums (embarrassing stories included) to Diana. "In my defense, they forced me to dress up."

"But Dr. Organa said to me that your dad almost turned Bel-Air upside down to find the most realistic E.T. because you threatened them that you wouldn't go out if it looks like a toy." she quirked her brow in intrigue.

"What?" Ben is astounded. "I don't even remember that story."

"Anyways, I know your opinion about Halloween. But _'fucking hate'_ is a very strong word." Making air quotes with her fingers as she defended the holiday.

Diana still couldn't believe that there is really a person who hates Halloween. She thought those kinds of people were a myth. Until the proof was sitting with her at the other side of the couch. Looking deliciously handsome with his plain black shirt and sweats. Large, warm hands caressing her legs back and forth.

"What's there to celebrate?" Ben further elaborated his skepticism. "People dress up then they get drunk. They know that they can get drunk without dressing up ridiculously, right?" 

She scoffed, lightly jerking her feet over his lap, offended in his reasoning. "Because it's _ridiculous_ and fun. I had a professor in Neurology who promised us that he would automatically give extra credit to students that will show up in a costume. Plus, the winner would have this amazing skeleton trophy and bragging rights."

Ben narrowed his eyes at her. A cynic grin on his plush lips. "Med students in Stanford dress up on Halloween?"

She tilted her head to the side, playfully mocking his expression of total disbelief. "Harvard students don't dress up on Halloween?" she retorted.

"I think the undergrads did it, but not us." he answered deliriously. Greatly astonished at the newfound information she gave him. "There were some who dressed up in parties, which was pretty reasonable. But that's it." 

"Oh, Ben. That's just so sad." Diana gave him a mocking pout. "No wonder Ivy league students are always so uptight." she teased, stirring the pot of the rivalry of their two universities.

"Careful." he threw her a dark, warning gaze that didn't only threaten Diana, it gave her something else too. "What was your costume then?"

Diana perked up as she pulled her legs from his lap to cross it together. Her face telling him that she's glad he asked. "I was Elle Driver from Kill Bill."

That earned her a brow raise from Ben. "The nurse outfit?"

She shook her head. "The sexy nurse outfit is the go-to costume. I would be lost in the sea of sexy nurses if I did that. I was the one from Kill Bill 2, when her and Beatrix Kiddo finally fought in Bud's trailer."

Ben could definitely see it. Diana in a black women's blazer and skinny trousers, a white shirt with two buttons undone on her chest with cuffs going over past the sleeves of his blazer. "Don't tell me you entered your lecture hall with an eyepatch while carrying a katana."

"That's the point!" She smiled, raising her hands up in delight. "If I didn't wear the eyepatch and didn't walk around the campus with a katana I'm just like a business woman who lost her life-long business overnight." 

Ben chuckled, giving Diana a long deep gaze over his brows. Adoring how excited and enlivened she looks when she talks about the holiday he loathes so much. "So did you win the skeleton trophy?" he asked as he reached out, the side of his pointer finger swiftly grazing her cheek and chin. "And the bragging rights?"

"I got third place. I got beaten by Prince in Purple Rain and Johnny Depp in Sweeney Todd."

"Oh." He puckered his lips, inhaling a sharp breath while his eyes squinted. "That's rough." he consoled, sounding sorry. But the smile in his face was saying a different thing.

"What are you going to be this year then?" Ben continued, extending his arm on the top of the sofa until he reached her side.

Diana shrugged, acting as if it's not going to be a big deal. She grabbed her ginormous cup of tea, ready to be enjoyed. "I'm not really planning something extravagant this year. Maybe throw in some Agent Provocateur you gave, wear your white coat over it, my own stethoscope and I'm done." she nonchalantly said before audibly sipping.

She was fucking with Ben.

It's his turn to let out a quick humorless laugh. Impressed at how Diana just easily left him high and dry. "The point is to dress up something different. Why would you put on what you normally wear? I mean, at least for me to see."

The piping hot tea almost choked Diana. She clearly underestimated Ben with that one. She moved on, "Next Halloween we're going to remove the de facto statement in this high-rise building that your penthouse is the place kids skip during trick or treat."

"Sure." Ben absentmindedly answered. Not even paying attention to what she's saying anymore. How could he? With how Diana looked, the plan to study for their intern exam was long gone for him hours ago.

She was wearing her ratty New York Rangers t-shirt. Ben noticed that it was her favorite thing to sleep in. The original bright blue color of the shirt was already fading into light blue from all the countless spins in the laundry machine. The print of the hockey team from her home state was patchy and waning. 

Ben thought she looked ethereal wearing her campus french terry shorts with her yet again dirty glasses that dangerously sat at the tip of her nose. He was sincerely and hopelessly charmed with the girl who takes Halloween so seriously.

**_He was enamored_ **.

———

The rhythmic beeps coming out from the ECG put Ben exactly between the line of paranoia and assurance. It gives him a brief sense of calmness but at the same time, he's on edge. Scared that it will go off at any moment.

He did exactly what Leia said to him, he pulled up a chair next to her bed and stayed by her side. Even for a second, he didn't leave his eyes at her.

All of their friends are in the room with him. Rose is resting her head on Armie's shoulder, Finn is quietly doing laps in the room while Poe rests his back on the wall near the door. They all made sure to give Ben enough space, but close enough to show support.

They didn't question how Ben ordered the arranged flowers displayed all over the room in just a few hours. Vases of fresh hydrangeas and carnations are placed in the table on the corner, making the room less gloomy and artificial. They didn't speak, solely their company is the best thing they could give to him now. 

He's listening to everything. The beeps, her breathing and her pulse. 

_Diana will wake up._

The door slowly opened, their heads turning to see the person. "Visiting hours is over. Get some rest." Kanata gently announced, looking at her worn-out former interns who are waiting for any response.

Poe pulled himself from the wall. "But we're all on-call, Dr. Kanata." he reasoned out.

"You're not, all of you are off the clock." Kanata answered, explaining why they couldn't pull out their all-access doctor card. "Ben is the only one who can stay. You know the rules." 

They can't argue with that. The four doctors shared a look. After all what happened today, they all needed the rest. Mostly and especially, Ben.

Rose gave them a glance telling that she would catch up before silently walking up behind Ben. She put her hand on his shoulder to catch his attention. "We will come back first thing in the morning. Call us right away when you need anything, okay?" 

Ben took a deep breath, looking to the side to signal that he heard her. "I will. Thank you, Rose."

Her hands went down on the bed, holding Diana's leg covered by the blanket before turning around to leave.

After he heard the click of the door, Ben leaned in to rest his elbows to the side of the bed. He carefully cradled her hand. She felt so fragile that Ben was so afraid that he would break her even in the slightest touch. 

With so much caution, he lifted it up close to his lips, giving her the softest and lightest kiss. Ben Solo was never a religious man, or a spiritual man for that matter. Being raised in a dynasty of doctors with a father who also doesn't believe in hokey religion taught him not to be boxed in one belief. 

But for a non-spiritual man, Ben bargained so many things to every higher power there might be, and he meant every single one of it. 

He promised, no he _swore_ that if Diana wakes up from this, he's going to participate in as much Halloween party as she wants. He would also buy those hundred dollars worth of candies by himself and be generous to the trick-or-treaters. Maybe take a time and ask them about their costumes.

For a world-class surgeon, Leia Organa believes in miracles. She has seen too many medical marvels that it's hard to assume that it's all just a coincidence. 

That's what makes their bloodline unique. Believing.

And it's the only thing that carried him through the night.

* * *

Everything hurts.

That's the first thing Diana noticed.

It's an awful feeling waking up after sleeping on the wrong side of the bed, only a thousand times more painful. 

The pain can also be compared to the feeling while fighting off the sleep paralysis she once had that stupefied her whole body. She can feel her whole body being pinned down. Her skin is tight, joints are frigid. Even her eyelids are too heavy for her to flutter it open. 

Diana felt claustrophobic in her own body. She figured out that she was reaching for the stars when she wanted to get a hold of her whole body right away. So she started somewhere small, encouraging herself to wiggle her big toe. And after what felt like a millenia, she was able to curl it a centimeter.

As Diana slowly came into her senses, she started to feel the swelling pain in her chest. It felt like she got sucker punched in the middle of her chest and she could already feel that she has a couple of broken ribs.

While she's trying to pry her eyes open, Diana tried her best to recall what she was up to before to make her feel this immense pain all over her body.

_Ben. Boston. Trauma response. Calling for help. Falling. Not feeling the bottom of the water. Panicking. Drowning._

Her sight was met by a blurry dimmed room. She can't see anything other than the things two feet close to her. But she can smell everything. The subtle yet sweet floral aroma is masking the distinct sterile smell of the room.

But there's a scent more closer to her that sent her quickly to ease. Sandalwood, cedar and cardamom. The same set of notes that she smelled last time when she was in the elevator.

The miniscule flinch of her fingertips made Ben snap his head up. He felt it. It wasn't an imagination and he was correct. Because the second he lifted his eyes to look at her, Diana was already looking at him.

"Ben." 

"Hey." He abruptly stood up, blood immediately rushing. _This is real._ "Hey. Hi." He soothed. 

"How do you feel? Can you say that again?" Ben kept his voice softly quiet, but he couldn't hide the frenzy in his words.

Diana blinked. She thought she clearly said his name. But what Ben heard in reality was only an incoherent grumble. Her brain being shut down for too long was to blame for that. 

She stared at Ben with so much confusion in her eyes. She's having a hard time speaking and he saw that struggle right away. "I'm sorry, I didn't understand you the first time. But please can you try again? For me?" His chest in panting in anticipation. 

All Diana needs to say is one word to make sure.

Her hold around his hand tightened a little bit. She took a painful, labored inhale. And then,

"You're here." Diana said. It sounded like a wheeze. Scratchy and it sounded like it hurt.

Ben asked for one word, Diana gave her two. 

He sputtered into an emotional laugh. Immense happiness warming his chest while he held the sides of her head, pressing his forehead against hers. Tears of profound joy welling in his eyes.

Ben Solo just became the happiest man on Earth.

"I was always here."

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *checks another box from the outline* :(( 
> 
> im very sorry for the very delayed update, i got so traumatized on my writing on the last chapter i had to hit pause. i didn't know that can happen 😂
> 
> and thank you thank you so much for leaving nice comments on the last chapter!! i was so nervous to post it because i thought it would be too much. i would never stop saying thanks bc i really really appreciate it 💕🥰
> 
> now that the angst is almost over, here is the first trailer i ever made of the [story](https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSQoghGT/) it's nsfw so heads up!
> 
> i hope you enjoyed this new update! stay safe!


	42. Lose the Battle, Win the War

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a little flashback on the first part again! 
> 
> enjoy!

**Chapter 42: Lose the Battle, Win the War**

**Tall red and orange flames blazed and swayed in the fireplace**. Its flickering light and warmth blanketed the living room easily. The way the embers curled and danced over the thick slabs of wood was hypnotizing. But tonight, the contents of the photo album opened on Diana's lap was far more hypnotizing than the embers casting tall shadows over the carpet.

When Leia Organa pulled out the thick, almost-vintage looking album from her purse that contained his gazillion childhood photos earlier, it was then when Ben realized that he reached the point of no return. Even with his gigantic height and wide build, he didn't stand a chance to get it from the grasp of his feisty five-foot-one mother. 

Diana had to shake off the residual jitters from their first meeting and pinch herself to make sure that she was really having a casual and laid-back talk with Leia. The woman was inherently funny and bubbly, and it wasn't hard to enjoy and appreciate the quips and wisecracks coming out of her at every second.

Leia made her feel welcome and at ease like they've known each other for so long, like she was already part of the family even though this was only their second time to meet. 

As Ben invisibly listened to the side, he remembered what his father told him:

_'Give women privacy when they're talking to one another. They'll never have a real and proper conversation when there's a man hovering.'_

He was planning to do that. But he kept coming up with reasons to extend his stay to steal more glimpse of Diana in full wide smile with her nose scrunched a little. There was something delightful and stirring on the sight of her being genuinely interested to know what he was like as a kid. How her eyes twinkle in pure joy everytime she sees a new picture of him and how she actively listens to Leia's vivid and very-detailed stories. Chapter and verse.

So even with the embarrassment crawling red from his neck, he stayed. Being unable to bite back the grin on his lips that he had to manually conceal it by pressing his knuckles against his mouth while he watched Diana. Enduring the hit from being the only target to her mother's clever banter.

The smile on her face didn't falter as she intently listened to Leia, turning her head to check up on him every once in a while and see his reaction. Head impishly tilted to the side as if giving him a chance to come clean and defend himself.

But he was quick to avert his longing gaze at her and make a face to look _worked up_ and _aggravated_ from the stunt his mother was pulling. Ben Solo for sure has a Master's Degree with that kind of thing. But after she turns her head to look back at the photos, he would put his gaze on her again.

That was until he was on the receiving end of Leia's mischievous glare, telepathically hearing her words loud and clear:

_"Keep staring at her like that and I'll call the archival storage place first thing in the morning. Your grandmother's ring will finally be able to see the light of the day."_

That made Ben instantly spring out from the seat adjacent to Diana. He stood up so fast that he felt disoriented for a few seconds. The dawn of their arrangement is far behind them. They were now in the point of their agreement where they're getting comfortable in their own spaces.

It made Ben lose his shit because very deep down in him, tucked hidden somewhere in his mind where medical instruments can't reach, there was a part of him that thought that it wasn't a bad idea.

So while his mother was planning a lunch with Diana (and her only) for next week, he swooped up his canine brother, Artoo, by his arms and quietly went upstairs to give the French bulldog a lot of hushed superlatives and copious amounts of belly rubs.

  
  
  


After hearing Han Solo's painstaking search for a realistic doll for his meticulous son, Diana noticed that the grown-up Benjamin was long out of earshot.

Leia clocked the crease of confusion between her eyebrows when she found the seat empty. "Ben told me one time that you love green tea. I'll give you a box that I bought in Japan next week when we see each other at lunch." she tapped her legs like she's about to give her a hot commodity.

A faint smile of bewilderment is plastered on her lips. _Ben talks to her about me?_ "Oh, wow. I've never tried tea from abroad before. But I don't think I could take it, Dr. Organa."

With how the blood rushed to the apples of her cheeks, it was enough for Leia to arrive at the conclusion that Ben is not the only one who has it bad.

"Then more reason for you to take it! I bought too much to persuade my husband to change his opinion about those things. But you can't teach an old dog new tricks." she clicked her tongue in dismay.

Diana let out a quiet huff of chuckle. _Ah, so that's where Ben got his notion about teas._

She turned the page to see another batch of old photos, excited to hear yet another fun anecdote. But before she could roam her eyes around, there's already a single one that caught her attention. In the sea of pictures where Ben was either grinning or waving, she saw one that was different from the rest. 

The young Benjamin was too devastated and upset to give the camera a glance. His small curled knuckle was glued to his eye, captured in the middle of rubbing it. His lips were in a slight sad pout, cheeks red and wet from the tears that filled his eyes. 

Han was in front of him, kneeling with both knees to match the height of his son. It was the moment in time where he could still carry Ben over his head and had to duck and crouch to be able to level with his child.

The eyes of the Solo boys were both focused on the bird between them. And just from the body language of the father and son, the dilemma was clear. The small bird with bright yellow green feathers had its left wing broken.

The father looked like he was doing everything he could to calm down his distraught son. His hand was reaching towards the bird, cardboard ready beside him with the bottom already draped with linen cloth while little Ben stood next to him upset.

In the living room, Leia followed the trail of her sight. "Ben was so upset when he found the bird in the garden. He tended the bird for days on end, never left its sight. He even put the box his father made with him on the bed." she explained, gliding her hands on the side of the photo with a reminiscent smile on her lips.

Diana quietly chuckled at the image of Ben Solo with his ears poking out from his bushy black hair and as he lay in his little bed with a cardboard box with holes next to him.

"I told Lando on that very same night and that I wouldn't be able to go to the hospital tomorrow because I promised Ben we would go to the vet first thing in the morning." she continued to tell the story, still hearing Lando's panic-stricken voice ringing in her ears when he realized that the multi-awarded, world-class surgeon in their hospital wouldn't be on-call on Alderaan for 24 hours.

A pause.

Leia leaned back on the backrest, finishing her nip of scotch as she concluded the story. 

"The boy's whole world stopped."

_Oh._ Diana tilted her head to the side as she narrowed her eyes. A little dubious that the boy crying in the photo was the same boy she had constant arguments with about basic compassion. Just a few months ago they had a messy fight in the hallway about their opposing views about the declared brain-dead patient. 

And that messy fight led to a messy sex in the supply closed.

"Are you okay, honey?" Leia recognized her pensive mood.

Diana blinked a couple of times before straightening her back. "Sorry." she apologized sheepishly to the woman next to her when she realized that she zoned out for a while. 

"I'm just a little bit surprised that this is the same Ben I'm co-interns with." she caught herself. Her shoulders and spine went frigid. Diana scrambled to change the context of her words.

"Oh, I mean that in a very good way, doctor. It was very sweet of him to be so concerned and thorough in taking care of the bird."

But Leia understood right away what she was implying. She looked at Diana to tell her that the apology was totally and completely unnecessary. "Don't worry, I know exactly what you meant by that." she waved her hand in a manner that it eased the young doctor in the brink of biting all of her fingernails together.

"My son wanted to be a heart surgeon, and I know that you know what they say about those people in the specialty." she nudged her shoulder. Flashing her a mischievous grin as she urged her to say the stereotypical personality of cardiothoracic surgeons.

Diana shifted in the opposite side of the seat they're sharing. Still a bit reluctant to be candid about his first impression towards Ben in front of other people other than Rose or Poe or Finn. And in front of the mother, no less.

And after Armie unraveled to her what happened in med school, the spewing of unkind words about him ceased. That ship has sailed a long time ago.

Diana took a deep breath before talking. "Snide but the most ambitious and the most driven. The know-it-alls. If they want something, they're going to do whatever it takes. They don't want anything getting in their way."

A beat.

"That's Ben." she smirked.

A chortle erupted from Leia. "Exactly." 

Even though Ben was the quintessential detached heart surgeon, there was something about him that made him unique. She remembered the time when he didn't do the routine procedure of calling in the time of death of the brain-dead patient when it coded and helped her instead to get the rhythm back to normal (even with the incoherent grumbling before and after).

"He is still a sweet guy even now actually. I had a kid in the hospital one time who was really fussy and didn't want any needles around him. Ben was the one who convinced the kid to let us put an IV on him. I don't know how he did it. He just… Ben really took the time to get along with the patient." She softly said, confiding in Leia. 

"And he always makes sure to drive me home, which is very nice." Her chest warmed, lowering her head to secretly smile. And how could she forget about the french toasts in the morning.

For a man who agreed for hot and nasty sex only, his actions after the said hot and nasty sex were always chivalrous and respectful. 

The dazed, dopey secretive smile curled on Diana's lips was the exact smile that Leia saw on Ben when they were out on brunch. 

_Not dating, huh?_

The mother hummed, resting the pad of her thumb under her cheek while her finger extended on the side of her face. Studying Diana.

"Ben and his father are like that. They like to act tough and uncaring, like they just want to save their own skin and no one else. But when push comes to shove, they do the most unimaginable lengths to protect the people they care about without hesitation."

"I'm very glad I got to see that side of Ben." Diana said, appreciating the personal and intimate conversation with her.

"If you saw that side of him that means you looked past the arrogant and crass exterior those idiot boys put up. They tend to be grouchy at first because apparently 'feelings' confuses them."

As the women shared a laugh, Leia reached over to Diana's left hand and held it. Her eyes lingering on her ring finger for a while... **for future references**.

* * *

"Diana?" Ben called out, the jar placed on the table near his door had let out a hollowed clattering sound as he dropped the keys inside. He ran his fingers through his hair to push it back, not bothering to look at the mirror above it because he knows what his eyes will catch.

A reflection of a man that is completely, totally and royally fucked over.

After what his lawyers told him what would probably happen to him, it was a challenge for Ben to leave the hospital collected and composed. He swallowed up rage bubbling in him, almost denting the handle of his car with his deadly grasp and _almost_ destroying the elevator button of the condo from jabbing it with his knuckle with too much force necessary.

He walked to the living room with his head down, noticing that the boxes scattered around the main floor of his apartment are already halfway gone. When there was no movement in the living room and kitchen, Ben quickly ascended upstairs. The itch to finally get a glimpse of Diana after the gruelling day he just had became far more potent. 

After reaching the top of the stairs, Ben made a sharp turn to give the office a quick look. He peeked behind the door, and just like that, he forgot why he was fuming mad in the first place.

His breath hitched in his throat, the pupils in his eyes dilated, illuminated by the lights of the Seattle skyline in the wide window to his left. It wasn't the view that captivated him, it was the woman who was sitting behind his sleek office desk. 

A sight for sore eyes.

"Hi." He greeted with his tantalizing baritone voice while he stood on the open threshold. Wholly disarmed with her focused face while practicing her square knot with a silk tied at the handle of the mug.

It has been a week since Diana opened her eyes. And since then, Ben once again became the boy in the photo album who was tending the injured bird. Always up on his feet, ready to look for her even though she repeatedly ensured him that she's already feeling better.

Her eyes flickered up, meeting his eyes. Ben saw the transformation of her face from startlement to blissfulness. Her body language became brighter when she discerned who's standing at the door.

"Hi yourself." Diana greeted back, mimicking the soft low tone of his voice with a charming smile on her lips that almost sent Ben back on the ground floor of the penthouse.

"I missed you." His adoration to her is seeping through his words and Ben truly meant it even though he's only been gone for 18 hours. 

The light green color of his eyes mixed with the heavy mocha color around his irises didn't fail to hypnotize her. Her eyebrows lifted, feeling her cheeks heat up. Still getting off guard and laughably bashful when Ben tells her those kinds of things. 

"Well, I missed you too." she put down thin silk wrapped around her finger. Being far in the OR too long made her uneasy. After making the skins of the bananas like a Frankenstein from her stitches, she went to a more non-invasive practice.

The last time they said this to each other, it was in a very painful setting. They were so close to each other that moment, and yet it felt like they were miles apart. Hearing it again from Ben with a different tone and in a different setting made her stomach twist in delight.

He crossed the threshold, finally entering the room with his hands buried deep down in the pockets of his trousers, itching to hold her. Ben briefly recognized the wall behind her where both of their M.D diplomas proudly hung next to each other. 

"Come here." Ben said in a low voice. Coaxing. The crevice of his dimples deepened.

Diana stood up, biting back her grin as she walked around the table to close their distance.

His stare was unwavering as she moved. His chin is tilted down, giving his look with more intent like he couldn't get enough of her sight.

"I didn't hear you come in. How was the—"

As soon as she got closer, Ben didn't waste time to bend down, tilting her chin up with his finger as he stopped her question midway to catch his lips with hers. As their lips touched, his shoulders slacked down, the stress and worries accumulated on top of them dissipated in the air.

Ben let out a slow, long breath out of his nose. His hands traveled down her arms, snaking around her waist and back to hold her. His kiss was delicate, no hurry. He could inhale her breath, she tasted like the toothpaste they share. Peppermint. Ben pulled her closer to feel the warmth of her skin radiating in her. 

Diana felt like home, because she is.

She dreamily hummed, eyes fluttering close as she ran both of her hands up and down to his chest, underneath his crazy-broad shoulders as she stood on her toes. His lips are cold against hers, chapped due to the ever-so-humid weather of the city that made her laugh against his sweet languid kiss. She felt his hands go up, not leaving her skin until he was cupping her face.

It was long and thorough but soft. Ben was taking his time, as if compensating for the hours he was gone for the day. The sound of their slow sighs and moving lips are the only things they could hear. 

Every time Ben kisses her, Diana feels like it's always the first time. She would never get used to how good he does it. Her heart is racing in her chest, each movement of his lips sends a tingle that runs down from the top of her to toes.

As they slowly pulled apart, Ben gently tugged her bottom lip to get a little bit of her. 

"You unpacked some things already. I thought we were going to do it together." Ben tucked a few pieces of her hair behind her ears. 

Her eyelids flew open, the traces of his delicate but firm touch still lingering on her parted lips. Diana hasn't even begun to recover and yet Ben was already talking like he didn't give her a transcendental, wall-breaking kiss.

"Ummm," Diana stammered, words flying around her head as she was still collecting pieces of herself from that soul-snatching kiss. Bodies still pressed together. "Only a couple of things. I have a box labeled as 'Ben's Things'. That was the first box I unpacked today because it seemed appropriate. Being stuck in here for a week makes you really productive."

It was Ben's idea to hang up her diploma together with his. A symbol to make it official that they're sharing one roof together. Diana has a lot of things in his house anyways and her space in the closet is enough proof of that.

What's his is hers.

"Do you want to unpack one box tonight?" He reached out for her hand, peppering her palm with kisses before pressing it against his cheek. "I just know that you have a specific clothing for hauling those boxes like the type-A you are. I want to see it."

Diana playfully scoffed, deliberating pressing herself more to tease him. She has been pushing him for the past five days, but no avail. "And what specific outfit do you have in mind, Dr. Solo?"

"Probably one of those thin tank tops you usually wear under when you're going out for a run. You know, for 'maximum' movement." The hot, breathy tone of his voice suggestive something inappropriate. His hot-clad hands have a weight on it as it roamed all over her body, properly touching her.

This is the first time his touch became hot and heavy. For a straight week, it has been caring and tender and Diana felt like she was in seventh heaven. But being held by him almost 24/7, showering her with kisses (and only kisses), was a big challenge for her not to act on it.

"We won't get any things done." she hotly whispered against his chest. "Before unpacking, we have to eat first. Do you want to eat now?"

"Yes, I want to eat now." he dragged the words slowly and carefully.

"I saved some chicken from lunch. We can share it."

Ben let out a throaty groan that made her giggle, moving their bodies together forward until the back of her thighs reached the edge of the mahogany table. 

"I don't want chicken." He nuzzled his forehead on her neck, pressing open-mouthed kisses to the base of her neck and shoulders.

"Okay, that is a complete lie. Come on Ben, what do you want?" she asked while her fingers softly carressed his hair.

He lifted his head, gazing straight at her eyes. Not blinking. 

"I want you."

An unexpected snort of laugh went straight out of her nose. Diana was too caught up in the moment that she forgot to continue to ask him how his day went.

"Something good must've happened today in the hospital. I assume the deposition went well?" 

And there it was, the question Ben has been trying to steer away from her mind inevitably showed itself. 

The fiery glimmer in his eyes died down. The answer in Diana's inquiry was a straight-up no. The sight of her was solely the good thing that happened to him today.

A week has already been passed since the news automatically broke out when Diana didn't touchdown in Boston on the agreed date and time. The file that she saw in the diner table shook the medical field like a nuclear bomb. 

Snoke was true to his word. That night when Diana didn't appear through the gates of Boston Logan International Airport, he didn't hesitate to distribute the file that acted as a dagger to the heart of Ben Solo's career.

But it wasn't fun for the vicious, calculating surgeon that Ben is the only one who would take the heat. For him, it was satisfying to watch the dominoes he set up fall down altogether, easily damaging the name of Alderaan and the entire Solo-Organa-Skywalker bloodline. If JAMA painted Ben Solo as the youngest surgeon that would soon rule medicine, he was now the boy who crushed the legacy his family built for generations.

It was a scandal to say the least and he's keeping a very great job to keep Diana in the dark about the whole situation.

"Ben?" Diana called him gently, seeing right away the shift in his demeanor. 

"Yeah?" He took a huge gulp of air, forcefully smiling as an attempt to cover his slip-up. "My lawyers advised me that I should stay home until further notice. You have me for full three days, we can finally go to the Korean Barbeque place downtown that you like."

A shiny gold star for Ben Solo to attempt to steer the conversation into food, but Diana didn't buy it. "Then what will happen after those three days? I don't talk lawyer but keeping you in the lie low for at least a day is not good." The skin between her eyebrows creased in worry. 

Diana is getting warmer to the answer. 

"Tell me, Ben." she firmly said, crossing her arms over her chest. Getting keyed-up over his radio silence. 

"Alright." Ben let out a long, rueful sigh to create a huge delay on what he's about to say. Diana has been through enough and the last time he wants for her is to get dragged into the whole spectacle.

"The case will proceed in court and if I didn't win the case..." His nervous fingers traced his bottom lip that is still plump from their kissing as he walked left and right. 

He stopped trudging, weakly folding his right arm up in defeat as if to say: _That's it_.

Her arms over her chest feebly loosened. The strong expression on her face dropped as it sinked in on her. They're not just going to suspend his license. From the downcast look Ben is giving her, it was just confirmed that she had it right.

"Oh god, no." Diana wobbly said, exhaling deeply almost going into hyperventilation. She craned her head down, the pad of fingers pinching her eyelids shut in despair "No. They can't do that to you."

What will happen is a permanent revocation. A banishment. An excommunication to medicine. If he's going to be proven guilty in the court, Ben will be forever barred from being licensed to practice medicine.

"Diana, hey." Ben marched towards her, tightly holding her arms in comfort. "That's not final yet. The trial will just move to court. There's no final ruling yet."

It's not yet final but his attorneys told him that that's the road they're going to. The three-day break before trial was the Board's suggestion because they wanted to minimize the circus of journalists and reporters setting up tent in front of Alderaan. A rough translation to not wanting to see him walking along the halls because the investors wanted the last of the hospital's dignity saved.

It's his career that's going down, and yet Ben is the one giving comfort. 

"Ben, it's not going to be that easy—" she mumbled, getting lightheaded from the update he told her. Only an inch away from breaking into a sob.

That's the last thing Ben wants to see.

"It is that easy I swear." he continued to convince Diana that it's not going to be a big of a deal. "It's going to be okay."

His career is lightyears away from being okay. He knows it. Diana knows it. But he likes to pretend that everything is okay because the last thing Diana needs in her life is stress and hostility.

Ben seems to be forgetting that Diana knows more about the lawsuit more than he thinks. She leveled up her head, purposefully not catching his gaze as she stayed silent.

"Make me a witness."

He took a step back, laughing emptily like what Diana said is a joke. He pursed his lips, shaking his head. "No." Ben coldly said. It's final and there's nothing that can change his mind.

She stammered, the stillness of the room broke as she rambled to defend her own words. "But I am a legitimate witness! Snoke showed me the—"

"Diana, the answer is no. You're still recovering, you still have to pace yourself . There's no way in hell that I'll let you go in there. That's it." His voice is calm and concise compared to her babbling. 

She pushed her body away from the edge of the table, coming closer to Ben to confront him. "That's not it! Armie is clearly not enough witness on your side. I am involved with the lawsuit as much as you are. You need more support. I can handle it, I swear." 

With her every step forward, Ben is walking backwards. Acting as the reasonable one in the conversation. "Look, you don't know what you're saying. Snoke involved you because he wanted you to be stuck in between when this goes down. Don't you see it? I'm not going to do the same mistake again."

"But this is your career!" she frustratedly said, her heart thumping wildly on her chest while Ben just continued to deflect her. 

She sniffed, not really thinking through the words she's about to say. "You know what, if you're not going to let me be in the trial then maybe I should've gone to Boston."

The moment those words left her mouth Diana knew she was wrong. "I'm sorry Ben—"

"Not a chance!" His voice bounced back on the four corners of the room. "Not a chance a fucking chance in hell. If my career is what it takes for Snoke to leave you alone, fine so be it. I'm not going to let you near that fucking asshole."

Ben is ready to let go all of his career if he gets to hold her every minute of the day. Diana was put into a lose-lose situation, if she didn't meet the freezing coldness of the water, she would've been living in the fiery depths of Hell through Snoke's eye. Giving up his license to keep her safe is a small price to pay.

"Ben, this is not how it works!" Diana answered back, arms moving around with her words. "You can't trade your career just for me!"

Their voices are getting louder and louder. Her chest is starting to hurt from the escalation. His jaw is clenched, lips red from tugging it repeatedly.

"Why can't I do that, huh? Is there a rule that says I'm willing to sacrifice everything just to keep me safe?"

It was a brutal wake up call for him that kept him up on his toes. Because in the darkest pits on his mind, there was a thought living inside that tells him that Diana had been dead due to his own actions. Not directly, but all the strings led up to him.

"I know what you're doing, Ben. I'm not dumb, I know you're not sleeping at night just to check if I'm still breathing. I know you're strategically placing your fingers over my wrist to feel my pulse."

He had one job and he failed to do it. 

He's taken aback, caught red-handed. Overprotecting, that's what he's been doing. It wasn't only Diana's second chance in life, it was also his second take. A second chance to make it right with her, a chance to feel her in her arms again and never let go. 

"You want to know why I'm doing all of those? Do you want to know why I'm keeping you far away from the whole shit show that has been going on? Because you scared the shit out of me!"

The loudness of his voice rattled her bones. She just stood there, stunned. Quiet.

"You died. _God_ , when I pulled you out from the water you were dead on my arms, Diana. I had to keep your heart beating so they wouldn't announce you DOA." His voice broke, the tears that he's been fighting back finally poured out, making her heart and soul shatter in a million pieces. 

Every night when she's holding Diana tightly between his arms with her hand resting on his chest, he was questioning his credibility. Unconfident. He had one job, a single obligation as a man. To protect and keep her safe, no matter what.

And every night, Ben lists all the goddamn possible things he could've done to prevent her hitting the water. In just one night, Ben listed at least a hundred things on his mind. Every number in the list was like a one solid punch to his stomach. 

"I can't sleep because I'm afraid I'm scared that you're going to die in my arms again. That I'll wake up one day and your heart's not beating. I can't go through that again."

Her heart was the one that stopped beating. But his heart was the one who got broken.

His breath loudly shook. "There were so many things that I could've done and I didn't do anything."

This is all unfair to him. "Ben, stop. What are you talking about? This is not your fault. You were the one who saved me and I'm eternally grateful for that." she slowly approached him, despite his sharp gesticulation with his marbled arms that would easily send her flying at the far end of the room.

He shook his head, saying what he did was not enough.

"I lost you once, I'm not going to let that happen again. So if you see me feeling your pulse on wrist again or ask you every five fucking minutes if you want a glass water or a bowl of fruit or a fucking...foot massage even though that tickles you, tough. You're going to have to deal with that because I love you."

Diana hiccuped a small chuckle, her sight becoming blurry from the tears welling her eyes due to his loud declaration of love. Without any announcement, she went up her toes, putting her arms around her neck to give him a hug. To remind him that she's not going anywhere.

"I love you too, Ben. I'm here now, and I'm not going to leave you. I promise." 

Ben nuzzled her neck, melted by her touch. The scent of her hair made his hold tighter, not wanting to let go. Most of the time for the past seven days, he had to pinch himself to make sure that this is really happening. That the soft whispers telling him how much she loves him first thing in the morning, every night, and in-between are all true.

They just stayed like that for a while, giving each other a moment as they held each other close. The warmth of their tight embrace calming them down.

After a while, Diana pulled her held back while still in his hold. "You have to stop taking all the blame and beating yourself up because I was partly at fault too. We can protect each other while solving this together."

Ben saw the sincerity and determination on her face behind his wet lashes. "Diana, it's a spectacle. The lawyer Snoke hired is as disgusting and twisted as he is. I just think that I can't sit in one place when that asshole started to grill you and turn your words against yourself."

But she's not letting it go, that's what Snoke wants as well, for Ben to give up without putting up a fight. That disgusting man uses her to twist the knife to further damage Ben's emotional vulnerability to restrict his movements.

Snoke is playing a sick and twisted mind game, Ben's license and entire reputation is the ante and there's no way in hell that he has a very good hand. His luck runs out at one point.

The pieces of his hair sticking on the sides of her face from the tears. Her fingers gently picked them, pushing it away. "We have to try it, they need my word. I think this is our last shot. Snoke's license should be the one to be revoked not yours. After everything he did, that creature needs to go to prison. We don't know many people he hurt."

He's still hesitating. 

"I'll be by your side, I promise. You have my word."

He reached down, hands clasped together. They're going to do this together, once and for all.

"Let's do it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaand that's the last of the angst... i think 👀
> 
> the light at the end of the tunnel is becoming brighter:((( we're not yet THAT near but it's also not that far now. gosh, im not really ready to conclude this story. 
> 
> (and i might've bought the tom ford ombre leather bc a fellow rat on tiktok said it smelled like AD. it's for writing purposes i swear!)
> 
> i hope you enjoyed the update! thank you so much for the reads, comments, kudos and bookmarks!! 🥰💕
> 
> and stay safe


	43. After All is Said and Done- Part I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> part 1 of (another) double update! 
> 
> a little author's note: if your find the court trial in this chapter inconsistent im very sorry (legally blonde is my only court experience) :(( i took corporate law back in undergraduate and i barely passed that one.
> 
> see you on the other side, i hope you enjoy!

**Chapter 43: After All is Said and Done- Part I**

As their anonymous black sedan pulled up in front of the court house, Diana quickly detected the line of journalists and reporters lined up behind the crowd barrier.

Ben really didn't downplay when he said that the news created a circus... Snoke didn't lie about that one too. He had unleashed a rabid controversy. A scandal. A pandora's box so to say. 

"Okay. You ready?" She took in a deep breath. Her fingers curled to the door handle, about to open it when Ben held her wrist to stop her.

"Diana, wait. Just hold on one second." He told her in a haste.

She twisted around. Head tilted to the side to give him a look of concern and small curiosity. "What is it?"

Ben had woken up earlier this morning long before the rays of the sun started to peek behind the mountains. The sky was only bleeding with purplish and dark bluish hues when he woke up. Diana was still deep asleep beside him, her forearms tucked together between her chest. Almost contorted in a way, but she looked comfortable that he didn't want to move her.

He stayed laying there for a while, thick crumpled covers draped below them. His puffy morning eyes surveyed her, cherishing and adoring her delicate state. 

As he watched how her chest rise and fall, Ben realized that he had been distracted. Distracted at the mortal thought that a man can't have everything all at once. He realized that he had boxed himself at the thought that now that he and Diana are now together, he must let go of something to be properly with her in peace. Like a natural ultimatum the universe presented him that he couldn't escape:

The girl _or_ the career that took him blood, sweat, tears and his whole being to get it.

That _ultimatum_ was supposed to be a bullet sweat-inducing decision. Maybe for some, that was supposed to be the case. But for Ben, he didn't even stutter or blink when it dawned on him that he had to make a choice.

The answer was her, the girl. And when push comes to shove, his answer will always be Diana no matter what.

Because if giving up his career was the only option for him to peacefully wake up at the sight of her every morning, hold her warmly during cold nights and whisper against her ear how much he loves her until they drift to sleep, then fine. Snoke could have the win he desperately seeks.

He had been on autopilot during those repeating depositions. Sitting quietly in the middle of his lawyers while they spoke for him. Mind far, far away from the passive aggressive legal back and forth happening right in front of him. Only guarding the tick of his Breitling to count down the remaining hours until he got to see her again.

But Diana's unrelenting persistence to push him to fight back for his name and honor woke him up. Her determination to take Snoke down to the ground knocked some sense to him. If he didn't want to win this fight for himself, he would do it for Diana without having second thoughts.

Maybe after all he could get the girl and the career at the same time.

"If you changed your mind and don't want to do this anymore, I understand. I'll tell the driver to drop you back at home while I take this inside." Ben tenderly whispered, lightly squeezing her left hand that has been sitting on his lap the entire ride the moment he saw the flicker of surprise in her eyes.

He made a promise with himself. The moment she felt uncomfortable about her testifying- even just a sigh or shift of muted uneasiness- he would tag her out. He didn't want to take any more chances. He hired the best lawyers in the country. If they didn't win the case without her testimony and just the fact that he is clean about the accusation, it would be on them. 

"I didn't change my mind. I still want to do this, Ben." she replied, shifting closer to him until their knees and thighs gently nudged.

She could sense his discomfort about the crowd. His bubbling concern about her presence in the war zone. No king brings their queen in the middle of bloodbath. That is the man's job.

"It would take more than shit-talking for them to take me down. You know how stubborn I am, Ben." Diana grinned, trying to lighten up the mood. She gently tugged the lapel of his tailored suit to place a soft kiss on his cheek, at the very tip of the corner of his mouth.

"Yeah," he agreed, gingerly pawing the floaty fabric of the long skirt of her dress over her knee as his voice dropped into a hush. The edge of the cufflinks Diana gave to him glinted. "Your stubborness drove me fucking insane for months. The charts I wrote were full of scratches, Kanata gave me hell because of that."

"See, I wasn't even trying during those times. They don't know what they're in for." Diana fixed the stray piece of his hair that fell on the side of his temple.

"You still do, by the way." Ben said, staring at her. Slightly leaning at her touch. Beguiled at the mere mundanity of it. How it felt so normal and right. Like a secret love code the two of them only understand.

It's always the simple things. The small touches. A simple thread of his hair when it's unkempt, the quiet moment they shared earlier when she was putting on his cufflinks, how she mindlessly finds his chest to lean on when she is about to fall asleep. Ben is mesmerized by all of it. The domesticity.

"I still do, what?" she narrowed her eyes tentatively. Unsure at the context of his words.

"Drive me insane." Ben simply said, answering her question. Reaching for her hand to place a firm kiss at the back of it.

Couldn't he be more in love?

It seemed like just only for a second, there were no clicking of cameras outside and Ben was not about to face the tribunal. They were so close to each other. Knees to knees, elbows to elbows, faces only centimeters away from each other as they shared an intimate moment behind the car. No sloppy making out, no hot and heavy feeling up. It was an innocent, unabashed joy. Just a loving gaze and fluttering protective touches. Long, tender stares and soft whispers on their ears to tell that they got each other. No matter what.

They were too hung up on each other and grinning like idiots that they forgot that there was another person inside the car with them. The driver didn't dare to peek at the rearview mirror, keeping his eyes straight away in the windshield and didn't make a sound. 

\---

They had made those three-day rescission very productive.

Ever since they agreed to do this together, he had decided to do the legal meetings in their house. He didn't want to put Diana in an unfamiliar place where she didn't feel comfortable to talk about the whole thing. She has much control and power on the terms as much as he has.

Ben was very careful, though. Watching her in the corner of his eyes everytime his hard-hitting lawyers talk to her. They knew what happened, he warned them to take it easy with the words. Even though he hired the most ruthless and unsparing lawyers in the country, he finally took charge. Ben Solo has the final say on everything.

Being able to represent a Solo is a privilege (not to mention the fee). But winning the case, they could go places with that achievement. The bragging rights would last a lifetime.

But losing the case with already so much leverage given to them, that's going to be a _very_ different story with the end they don't want to hear. Let alone consider.

"The lawyers from the other side will do and say anything petty to shake you down because they know that your testimony is going to be unbeneficial to the narrative they're pushing. They made it very clear they wanted more than money and wanted a show when they declined to reach a settlement." A lawyer had mindfully told Diana during one of those meetings. Submissively asking for Ben's green light before asking. 

"That's defamation, isn't it? We could sue Snoke for libel. And with the lack of his name on the file he had shown me, I'm sure he altered it too to save his ass. That's enough to strip down his license." Diana replied, showing to the group of lawyers that she has more to give than just sitting there.

Ben smirked behind his methodically curled fingers placed on his lips, taking down his big scary and imposing demeanor for a minute to look at her proudly. It was hard for him to keep up with his intimidating and formidable attitude he put up with strangers when Diana talks and listens passionately beside him. Easily disarming him by just sitting there.

"That's what we're pushing to the court." Attorney Mothma had told Diana. The only one among the lawyers around the table who had the courage to talk to her after their client's very amicable warning. "It's going to get ugly. But don't worry, I'll be there to object the second they go off track but they will try it." 

She had met the lawyer's feisty blue eyes as she nodded in agreement. Her fiery mid-length pixie cut sharply contrasted her sleek black power suit. Bold and cutthroat. Diana knew right away that she got game when she talked to her without asking permission from Ben beforehand. Woman to woman, Atty. Mon Mothma got her back.

She had cheated death, what comes after that is a stroll in a park on a Sunday morning. 

\---

The trial of the case of Imperial Hospital versus Benjamin Organa Solo is very highly-anticipated that the benches for the public were quickly filled in no time.

Doctors flew in from different states to sit on his side. His batchmates back in Harvard came to show their support, some of which Ben had introduced to Diana before they entered the courtroom. It wasn't the setting she had in mind when she finally met Gwen Phasma, who also shared the same exact sentiment with her on the setting of their introductions.

_"Almost everyone here is vouching for Ben. They all know what Snoke is really like, we're all just afraid to speak up."_ The tall woman with a hair like gold had said to Diana after a hug. 

_"If somebody would Snoke down, it would be Ben. I'm glad he's doing this to finally put an end to it."_

And he almost didn't do it.

Mon Mothma, the prosecutor and the intimidating attorney that represents Ben, stood up and approached the floor to give her opening statement to the jury. 

"Your Honor and ladies and gentlemen of the jury: the defendant has been charged with the crime of libel and extortion. On the early morning of June 5th two years ago in Imperial Hospital, the defendant failed to fulfill his responsibility to be a mentor to my client who was there in the first place to take his mandatory clinical experience. Only to watch and observe. During the deposition that took place, we have found out that the defendant had, in fact, the first look to diagnose the patient before giving it to my client. And yet he still made the decision that a student could handle the case."

Mothma moved, getting comfortable on the floor. "My client needed to make his own professional call of saving the patient who was rushed to the hospital with second degree burns because the defendant wasn't there to guide him. My client did what his own mentor wasn't capable of doing. To save a life. The defendant was so absent that my client had to wait for him for fifteen minutes after the patient had flatlined to call the time of death because he wasn't allowed to do that yet. The testimonies of the witnesses will prove to you that the defendant is guilty as charged."

Atty. Dryden Voss, the smug lawyer that defends Snoke, stood up to give his own statement. The man walks around like he has yet to break in his Oxfords, lifting his soles up from the floor and not bending his feet. His receding hairline has been styled so people wouldn't notice. 

"Your Honor and ladies and gentlemen of the jury: under the law my client is presumed innocent until proven guilty. During this trial, you will hear no real evidence against my client. You will come to know the truth: that Dr. Snoke wasn't responsible for the death of the patient. After finding out what happened, he leaped into action to straighten out the mess his former-student had done and did the right thing. Therefore my client is not guilty."

The spectacles of the judge glimmered under the bright white light of the room as she bowed down to recognize the opening statements of the two sides. "The prosecution may call its witness."

"I call Dr. Diana Montgomery to the stand." Mothma announced firmly.

And after three counts in her head, an ugly scrape of the legs of the chair against the tiles echoed in the courtroom.

"They can't do that." Voss incredulously said. Losing his cool right away. They didn't expect that they would really put her there to make a testimony, even Snoke. That wasn't in their plan.

They know how powerful her words are going to be.

He cleared his throat. "Your Honor, the witness they chose isn't fit to take the stand. She was in a severe drowning accident just a week ago and almost lost brain activity. She is not lucid to make a testimony."

The extreme defensiveness of the defense attorney earned him a hushed gasps and scandalized whisperings behind them. 

"Counselors, approach the bench immediately." The judge sternly said after noticing the slight commotion in the audience. 

"Your Honor, Diana Montgomery has been discharged from Alderaan for one week and three days now. Despite losing brain activity for an amount of time, her CT test results showed that she is more than deemed fit to give her testimony." Mothma gracefully explained compared to the fuming defense attorney beside her. Showing Diana's test results as evidence.

The judges swifty scanned the results, eyes fastly moving behind her glasses. She folded the paper, handing it back to the prosecutor. "Proceed. Call in the witness."

Diana's pointed stiletto mutely clicked as she walked on the aisle. The hem of her floaty skirt fluttered and tickled her calves. The fabric of her sleeves that rests under her elbows. All eyes were on her, indistinct whispers on her sides. 

The face that launched a thousand ships.

She reached the witness stand, completely disregarding Snoke in her eyesight. If she looked, Diana would've seen pure deceit in the old man's face.

That's when Diana realized that it was Ben's plan to keep her under the wraps while all of this was unravelling. His legal team gave the other side the impression that she's still in bad shape. Pushing the manipulative, shriveled surgeon into thinking that he already got the upper hand when that's the far from the truth. Ben honed on his weakness and that got Snoke blindsided.

He truly underestimated Ben Solo this time. He was so busy taunting him and creating destructive plans from the future that he didn't see Ben quietly turning the sword on him to cleanly cut him metaphorically in half.

Just by having her on the stand he knew he had already lost.

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God?" The clerk asked, a Bible place on top of his palm for Diana to put her hand on. 

"I do."

"State your name for the record." 

"Diana Montgomery."

"Please be seated."

She smoothed out the back of her dress before sitting, the chair creaking in action.

"Dr. Montgomery, when was the first time you personally met Dr. Snoke?" Mothma inquired. One of the many questions they practiced.

"Months ago when third-party surgeons did a hospital visit on Alderaan for our evaluations. He was my proctor for the whole day."

She inclined, relaxingly pacing back and forth. "And how can you say his approach towards you?"

Diana skewed her feet underneath the stand, getting a tad uncomfortable to talk about it in front of people. "I wasn't the only doctor under his list that day. I'm sure there are others better than me. But I was the only one who got complimented and got offered a place in Imperial."

Mothma led her on. "Did those unusually constant positive remarks make you uncomfortable?"

"Objection." The lawyer from the other side yanked himself up from his seat to call the motion. "Leading question."

Mothma turned around to look at the judge, waiting for her call.

"Overruled." The judge answered succinctly.

The prosecutors bowed her head towards Diana, gently urging her to give an answer.

"I did. I felt uncomfortable with his words."

"And when was the last time you saw Dr. Snoke?"

Diana controlled her breathing, not showing a sliver of fear on the surface. "Almost a month ago. He called me to meet somewhere within a ten feet radius from Alderaan to talk about something because he was blacklisted from the institution."

The public sitting in the court pews emitted another roll of hushed controlled whispers from her bold answer. The word 'blacklisted' really didn't sound good for the jury. It just further proved how invasive and prodding Snoke really was. 

"And what can you recall from your meeting?"

"He showed me the document of his own hospital for consultation. I didn't realize that it was a trap to make me involved in the issue."

"He forcefully made you complicit. Isn't that right, Dr. Montgomery?"

"Objection." Snoke's defense attorney stood up again, sweating bullets all over his obviously newly tailored Hugo Boss. The collar of his stiff dress shirt is like a leash unpleasantly gripping his neck.

"The question calls for speculation." He sounded like a whiny child stomping his feet begging for his mother's attention.

The Judge shifted her robes, getting agitated with the defense attorney's constant interruption. "Sustained."

Mothma slowly backed out, rephrasing her questions so the fuming attorney playing for the other side won't call another motion. "Why didn't you tell the file to anyone when you already had the chance "

"I wasn't able to." She responded. "He gave me two choices. My signature on the transfer papers in exchange for Ben's— Dr. Solo's integrity in the field."

The whispers and gasps are becoming louder and louder.

"So Dr. Snoke blackmailed you?"

Any second now, the court will break into a chaos.

Diana couldn't stop her words any longer. "He did. He thought he bought me when I agreed to work for him. The leaked document wasn't from an anonymous tip. He was one who disseminated it. He told me himself that he has the largest news outlet on speed-dial if I walked away without signing anything."

"Objection."

Not this time.

"Did Snoke coerce me into doing something against my will?"

"He did."

The courthouse roared in shock. The gavel hit the wooden surface repeatedly.

That was the last wire before the bomb detonated. The strike of a match before throwing it to the line of gasoline that ends up in Snoke's feet. 

* * *

Once was enough. That was Ben's promise to himself. She was too involved in this already. It wasn't her fight to begin with. And yet, if Ben was the one who threw Snoke in the grave, Diana was the one to make sure that he wouldn't be cozy and comfortable inside his narrow casket. 

Ben's multi-paged testimony together with Diana's appearance were more than enough to indict Snoke. Stripped out of license, name, and a generous year of serving prison for the things he had experienced under his supervision. 

An eye for an eye. A life for a life. If he saved her from the water, she freed him from years of torment.

If they're going to do this, they're going to do it together.

And they did. 

"Congratulations." For the very last time, Ben firmly shook the hands of all the lawyers and associates. The word is starting to feel weird to him now that he has heard at least a hundred congratulations when the jury gave the verdict on the third day of trial.

From his colleagues at Harvard, from Phasma, from Armie, from Poe and frim Finn. And he was very grateful for their support. But right now, Ben just wants to go home and hear it from one person he has been dying to see all day.

He's sure she got the news already. Armie tells Rose everything. And the two girls were together the whole day to plan a wedding after he insisted Rose for an hour and a half over the phone to continue the planning on the day of his last trial. 

Him and Armie were thinking the same thing, choosing peonies or dahlias and finding the correct beige for napkins out of the 45 shades would distract the two of them from thinking about the legal brawl. 

"Back to LA again then, Phas?" Armie tossed a good amount of nuts in his mouth. 

The Harvard trio made an impromptu reunion at the nearest pub they could find after the trial. Ben turned down Phasma's offer to order a glass of the pub's oldest scotch and opted for a tall glass of lager, just like old times. They saved the scotch toast for Armie's bachelor party.

"Yeah, I have nothing to do here in Seattle for six months until your wedding. Unless Alderaan needs a Plastics resident?" Phasma asked, occupying the side of the booth with Ben on her side. 

"Go force Ben to tell his Uncle Lando to give you a job. I'm sure you'll have one in no time." The redhead across the booth snickered, fingers reaching on the complimentary nuts again.

Ben only scoffed in response, his left arm extended on top of the soft vinyl of the booth behind Phasma's back while the other was rolling the bottom base of his glass. He was in his usual quie state. Enjoying the company and the usual banter of the two while he watched the small bubbles of his beer.

"Penny for your thoughts, Solo?" The woman in the booth nudged him.

Before he could give the blonde an answer, Armie did the talking. "Oh don't worry, Ben's just restless to go home. It's very unusual for him to not see Diana all day long. He's like a cokehead from the 80s going cold turkey when it happens." 

"Fuck off, Hux." Ben commented in amusement. 

"I kinda expected Armie to get hitched anytime after med school." Phasma voiced out her assumption to the two, slightly leaning back on the booth. "But you, Solo, I didn't really expect you settling. No offense."

"None taken." He raised his palm in confirmation. Truly none. He used to share the same thought until Diana came along. It hit him hard out nowhere that Ben had to calm down his nerves with a drink the first time he realized it.

He got zapped by the intense tingling warm in his chest that sometimes he has to look away from her once in a while because he couldn't breathe. Only to look again after a split second because he couldn't bear the thought of not having to see her. It's always been intense with her. Excitedly overwhelming and painfully-giddy. And yet she gives him a sense of certainty and clarity that keeps him going every single day. 

"Oh, Lord." Phasma slowly enunciated her words. Her eyelids are pulled back, clear blue eyes standing out in the dark, dingy pub. She's flabbergasted. 

"What?" Ben lifted his head upward, getting confused on why she suddenly turned into a stone.

He turned to Armie completely puzzled and slightly concerned. But instead of an answer, his friend just gave him a shrug and a half-suppressed smile. Compared to Phasma's reaction, it seemed like Armie is already used to whatever Ben did. 

"What?" He tried again. This time with a little more force. The end of the syllable finished sharply.

"You were smiling like a maniac all by yourself. I don't know where you went." She turned to Armie. "Is he always like that?"

"You should've seen him when they were only starting. He was always on edge and tense every time Diana was around him. I don't know if he was going to pounce her or kiss her when they were having a 'passionate fight', which was almost everyday by the way."

Phasma reached for her cold glass. "Then I wouldn't be surprised if I received another engagement news a year after Armie's."


	44. After All is Said and Done- Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> part 2/2 of the double update! 💖 there's another post if you saw this one first.
> 
> enjoy!

**Chapter 44: After All is Said and Done- Part II**

Ben didn't know that he went home _that_ early when he saw the ingredients of Diana's apparent 'surprise congratulatory dinner' just on the process of being _mise-en-placed_ in the kitchen counter. He glanced at his watch as he put down the bottle of crazy expensive champagne he bought on the way home, knowing right away that in the moment, Diana is probably passing time in the tub upstairs with her book.

He dreamily smirked at the image of her. Tall mountain of bubbles almost swallowing her, determined to read at least thirty pages of Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment while she waits for him to go home. It's her designated 'tub book', which is different from the one she reads before bed while she's cocooned with him. 

She didn't have a drink with her this time, Ben internally deduced. The foil of the second bottle of chilled Veuve she bought is still wrapped, placed slanted at the ice bucket with two flutes to the side. They were both saving the toast for themselves.

Ben made his way upstairs, effortlessly carrying the bottle and flute glasses with his one hand while holding the neck of the second bottle on the other. He deliberately made his steps lighter, trying to contain himself when he realized that he was too eager and excited. His mind was flying while driving back home that he had to shake his head and blink a couple of times to calm himself down.

Armie is right, he is a coke head when it comes to her.

He heard the gentle sloshing of the water in the bathroom when he entered their room. The click of his shiny black dress shoes was muted by the carpeted floor, his fingers that were just vibrating a while ago when he pressed the highest floor in the elevator loosened his tie, removing its wrap around his neck. Carelessly throwing it on the bed.

Ben couldn't help to pull out a long, deep exhale as his back hit the back of the sofa placed at the left side of their room. Sitting behind the glass door that overlooks the city lights. Suit jacket off, top button undone.

It would be a matter of time until the warm water wears out.

A wave of contentment washed over him as he heard Diana humming. He closed his eyes, tipping his head back as he listened. Tonight she's humming the tune of Billy Ocean's Love Really Hurts Without You. It was one of the first few things Ben noticed about her: the constant humming. He only had the chance to hear portions of it when they caught each other at the hospital. Only brief and sometimes hard to catch when she's in a mood.

But now, Ben wouldn't call it a day when he didn't hear her doing it. It felt so surreal. He hears her when he's eating cereal, when he's cooking, or when they're just laying in bed together while she mindlessly runs her fingers in her hair.

He sniffed, biting back the prickling feeling irritating his eyes. He couldn't believe that he would arrive home everyday now and he wouldn't be alone anymore. 

Just the thought of Diana being with his side everyday is enough to make a man like him push to the brink of tears.

"Shit!" She sharply under her breath, slightly jumping in panic when she saw a man sitting widespread at the sofa across the bedroom. Staring straight at her. 

"I always don't hear you come in. What's up with that?" Diana said, clutching her chest over the pearl white towel wrapped around her, chuckling at her own reaction. 

This. Ben could get used to this. Her looking so fresh and flushed from the warm water. Skin moist and glowing with short tendrils of her hairs sticking on her temples. Bare naked under the towel with the hem that only ends at her thighs.

She probably smells divine, too.

"To surprise you." Ben simply answered, pulling the tab of the first bottle. Still sitting. He would detonate any second if he stayed to be far from her any longer. "Come here."

"Hey, I was going to surprise you as well." Diana trudged across the room, her moisturized lips in a pout. Giving him a chaste, routine kiss in the cheek before horizontally on his sturdy thighs. Arm resting on his shoulder.

"I had dinner prepared downstairs. Well, soon to be dinner, I still have to cook it." 

He steadily blinked. The smell of honey and vanilla making its way to his nose. Holy fuck, she does smell good. It just made her more irresistible than she already is, making it harder for Ben to contain himself from burying his lips to her neck. 

"I beat you to it, then." He cleared his throat to collect himself. The flute ready to catch the sweet bubbly liquor pouring out. 

"Wait," she announced, stopping Ben to pour the champagne halfway. Already in the middle of getting out from his lap. "I need to put on clothes. We can't toast with me looking like this."

"Oh, this isn't what you're wearing yet? I thought it looks nice already." His tone was deep. Playful. Eyes skimming avidly the swell of her breasts only inches away from him due to the tightness of the towel wrapped around her.

She scoffed. "Seriously, give me ten minutes. I'll be right back."

"I'm serious." He stared her down. Suggestively and darkly. "You look perfect."

Diana paused, searching something on his face. Maybe looking for his bluff. But she saw nothing but sincerity and... something else. A visible restraint underneath seeping through his exterior.

"Okay. It's your celebration. It's your call." She raised her glass. The fizz and bubbles of her champagne racing up to the surface.

"Congratulations on the verdict, Dr. Solo." 

Suddenly, the words start to have meaning again. He clinked the glasses, tipping the long thin stem until the bubbly liquor reached their lips.

"Should we go downstairs? Make dinner?" Diana suggested. Gradually getting giddy with the way he rubs her exposed thighs up and down. With the way he drags his palm heavily, it's very far to be taken as an innocent touch.

"Why don't you tell me how your day went first?" He mumbled. The words almost sounded inaudible at how quiet and indistinct he said it. Completely distracted on the way her supple skin feels against him.

The celebration isn't downstairs and they both know that. His hands stopped hotly wandering for a second. Then his fingertips began to play with the edge of the towel near her torso. Innocently tugging it. 

Diana chuckled at his preoccupied state. Sensually playing with his hair. "Well Rose finally settled on the color of the napkin after an hour."

"Yeah?" He answered absentmindedly. Pushing himself further on the crook of her neck. Her sweet smell became more and more powerful, spurring him on.

"Yeah." She answered. Her eyelids fluttered close at the hot impact. Her arms are wrapped around his shoulders and chest tightened. 

"That's great." Ben said, softly exhaling against her tender skin. His flaring nose gently nudged his cheek, getting closer to her lips like a predator slowly inching to its helpless prey. 

He has been a patient man for the past weeks of her recovery. The hugs had just been hugs. The kisses, just kisses and nothing more. He was like a hungry wolf, chained in a leash close enough to smell its source of sustenance. But not close enough to ravish it. Instead of making him immune to it, it just made something deep in him to be more savage and untamed.

"Did you have fun?" His tone became suddenly sinister. Soothing and hushed but with a dark inflection that made her breath stuck in her throat. Condescending, to say the least. 

In some sick sense, Diana liked it. The power held over him. The deliberate provoking, the lingering caresses, the slight graze of her ass against his crotch in the bed to adjust herself. She knew what she was doing. She was testing him. Pushing his buttons to see if he would do it. But the ever so gallant Benjamin Solo didn't do anything. Waiting for her.

Before she could drag their "small talk" and say some open-ended answer, he grabbed her chin in a growl, giving her a heated, open-mouthed kiss. In just one long blistering kiss that knocked the air out of her, power is on his court again.

The leash around his is broken, releasing the starved, greedy and almost drooling redwood of the man under her. Just because she's on top, that doesn't mean she has the control. That's far from the truth. 

They are both breathing heavily now. Ben is breathing deep and hurriedly through his nose, the adrenaline rushing through his bloodstream is making his movements sharp and quick. Effortlessly lifting the back of her right leg to put her legs on both sides of his lap. 

With one last final tug, her towel came loose, unraveling her bare body in front of him. All for Ben. The sensation of Ben underneath her made Diana gasp against his invasive mouth. She was completely naked, and being able to finally feel him hard against her bare pussy just made the feeling more intense and sensitive than ever.

The slight jerk of her hips almost Ben made choke, enormous veiny hands holding her sides in place where she hits deliciously his angry cock underneath with her every move. To that again. 

They were too overwhelmed by the intense sensation between the two of them, smothering each other with urgent heated kisses. Ben was like a kid on Christmas morning, he didn't know where to start. He wanted to touch and caress her everywhere all at once— face, neck, waist, tits and back. He just wanted all of her.

Diana, on the other hand, was quick to become flustered. Breathy moans, her lips involuntary. Intoxicated on grinding his hard erection again and again, reminding herself how good it felt. 

"Does that feel good?" Ben fervently asked, hard cock stirring underneath his tight, suffocating trousers that made her yelp against his ear.

"Ben." she weakly huffed out. A weak attempt to say yes. Fumbling to undo the buttons of his dress shirt. Catching her breath as she continued to rock her hips. The towel long discarded on the floor. 

"I'm right here, baby." He crooned, plump lips licking and biting her neck as he unbuckled his belt.

The moment Ben managed to pull down his zipper, Diana automatically stopped moving. Pushing herself off from him to position on the floor, against his sturdy thighs.

"No, no, no. Stay here. I can fuck that throat of yours later. I want you to show me something." Ben was quick to interject, lightly chuckling at her eagerness to suck him off. Pushing down his trousers until the material pooled in his ankles, kicking it out from him. 

His cock finally sprung free. Stiff and heavy against his belly, gripping it to release some tension. Taking a sharp inhale through his teeth.

"Fuck, go on and take a look at it. Look what you did. I played with your tits and grinded on me for a minute and this is what happened." He clutched her hair, tilting her head downward to directly look at his cock.

Terror struck her eyes. Panic settling under her skin. Has it really been that long that she forgot how blessed Ben is in that area? It's staring straight at her. 

For a second, it scared her, how hard and angry it looks. Visibly desperate and aching for some relief. It's throbbing that she's afraid Ben is going to pass out any second from all the blood rushing to his cock. 

He pushed her hips forward and backward again, hissing at the direct contact of his shaft rubbing between her slit. Pre-cum smearing all over his belly at the constant rocking motion. 

"After all the teasing you've done to me, I'm going to fuck that tight cunt first. Don't expect I'm going to go easy on you."

It just galvanized Diana more. Getting desperate to feel him over her clit more and more that makes her toes curl against the cushion. Her shiny slick easily coating h

"Are you scared? Me splitting you open without preparing you?" Ben taunted her, grinning darkly at her powerless state. His puffs sounded angry, marbled chest raising and falling heavily. Black inky hair wild because of her wandering hands. Whiskey colored eyes all blown out.

He was getting off at the lusty fear plastered all over her face. Because he knows she liked that. The goading. The rough groping and hot filthy words coming out of his mouth. Diana likes those.

The best thing she could do was nod and squirm. Impatiently waiting for the tall, dark, rabid man to corrupt her. 

He reached out for her dainty hand, guiding it to the base of his throbbing erection. Voice in a hushed encouraging tone, encouraging her to touch it and not be scared. 

Ben had been touch-deprived for too long that the moment her fingers wrapped around him with effort, Ben let out an animalistic grumble. Flexing his jaw shut to minimize his nose. Her touch was heaven sent, palm soft and pliant against the ridges of his long thick veins.

Ben grabbed her jaw again, already running low on frantic kisses. Slowly snaking below he arrives on her throat, motioning her to lift up a little.

" _Fuck yourself_."

It felt ridiculously good and delicious. Painful, but she wouldn't have it any other way. The stinging pain when Bent sank his palms to her shoulders to push her down with any announcement, forcing herself to take all of him. Blunt swelling head stretching her open.

Diana shaliky shuddered, arms wrapped around to the back of his neck as she sobbed. Wanting to be more closer than him even she's already flushed with his chest, sweat from her insistent straddling and the residual water from her bath mixing together.

Her head is craned up to the ceiling as she whines, savoring the filled, brimming feeling that she missed. Her walls are relentless, squeezing his length right in an instant. 

Ben moves like he's beating a deadline. Or a man with a hundred demons living inside his vibrating body. Possessively holding her sides to move her in a fast pace, as if showing her the speed.

She didn't need to be told twice, enthusiastically bouncing up and down on his impaling cock to ride him. Broken moans and whimpers constantly leaving her parted lips. Saying his name again and again with fervor like she's afraid that he would go away.

That's the last thing Ben would do. 

"Christ, I forgot how greedy your pussy is." He remarked through effort grunts. Low short breaths getting knocked out of him every second with her bounce. He was obviously being generous, letting her be on top for now. Giving her the sense of control even just for a while. 

"Did you miss it, Ben?" She lustfully seeked. Completely blissed out by it, and she's making sure she's vocal about it. Lewdly whimpering as she fucked herself louder and faster, drooling wet pussy gripped his solid dick like a vise that clamped as forcefully around his long shaft each time slammed herself fully down his hard length, while she was leaning forward with her back beautifully arched.

"Yeah, I did." He bit back with gritted teeth. His dick buried to the hilt. The tight ring of her cunt keeping his raging shaft engorged. 

She was getting cocky, Ben though. Leaving handprints on her ass, gripping handfuls as he guides her.

"Is this better?" He asked, flicking her nipple while he groped and manhandled the other one. 

She nodded feverishly. But Diana was so doped up and woozy with how she's balls deep in Ben's dick that he couldn't hear him clearly.

He noticed that she wasn't really listening to what he's saying.

"Is this better?" Ben grabbing her chin. Jostling her as he repeated the question again breathlessly. 

"Yes, Ben. So much better." She agreed in command without knowing the true context of his question.

"Yeah? Better than _riding my pillow_ while I wasn't here?" While I was out there enduring all those boring meetings you were here humping my pillow. That isn't fair."

She writhed in extreme pleasure, hearing him clearly this time. Looking guilty as hell. But instead of getting shy and stop _fucking herself_ , she just picked up her pace even more. It made her more aroused. His unrestrained words went straight away to her swollen nub. Diana could cum just by looking at him right now. Suspecing. Sneering.

All the things that used to make her blood boil about him are now the things that make her wet.

Ben grimly chuckled, eating up the guilt written all over her face. Harshly ramming her own body against his pelvis to screw her deeper.

"What, you think I didn't notice? The smell of your cunt was all over my pillow, I couldn't sleep at night. At first I thought I was going insane for not fucking you for so long."

"I'm sorry, Ben." She sobbed, saying empty apologies as she whimpered under his rough hold. Thin sweat covering her forehead, savoring the stretch and the piercing feeling of being full again and again.

"I know you are. That's sad, right? Not being pounded good even though I'm right beside you every night." He grunted, sloppily licking and biting the cleavage of her tits, making sure that his teeth and lips would leave a mark. "I had to fuck my fist raw every morning before leaving the house because your ass had been grinding my cock all night."

From her unremitting position, it wasn't hard for Diana to conclude that Ben was angry. With the way his biceps flex with every smack of her hips against his, he works his jaw like he could punch a wall if she made one wrong move. Hostile and untamed like a wild animal released in the city, ready to devour her. 

But Ben wasn't seething because of her. In fact, the way his scorching palms feels up her curves and skin were possessive. Clinging. Not daring to let her go.

He was indignant at the things that kept the woman he loves so much away from him for so long. Because even though they were together at every minute of the day, they couldn't really enjoy each other because of the looming problems breathing behind their necks.

They were both frustrated, both physically and sexually and it was only just tonight that they properly touched each other after ages of waiting. They were so overwhelmed to satisfy their thirst and hunger at each other that they didn't know where and how to start.

He's not going to edge her, that wasn't his plan for tonight. They have been on edge for months that not letting her cum is going to be a crime for them both. He missed watching her face being in that electrifying state of nirvana that he's going to do everything she asks and wishes just to let him see it. 

One night isn't enough to catch up.

"Don't worry, Diana. We're going to make those frustrations all go away."

He leaned over to reach for something on the table. Strong arm wrapped around her waist to keep her steady. Ben held the chilled bottle of the champagne by its neck, taking a swig before sitting back. 

Ben pressed closed-mouth kisses all over her jaw, downward her sternum. Admiring her tits as they bounce, firmly knead them before pushing them together. Burying his face and nose in between. 

Diana was so doped up that she didn't realize Ben gulped it down before leaning back to the sofa. She flinched and gasped, feeling the cold liquid trickling between her cleavage.

"Ben." she breathlessly squealed, quickly becoming sober. Watching him from above as he enjoys her tits, tongue swirling, sucking and lapping to catch the sparkling wine. Humming delectably as he busied himself on suckling her nipples. 

Their lust-filled moans and groans of pleasure became louder. A hundred dollar worth of sweet champagne was masked all over her naked body. Ben didn't think that it's possible to get harder. The champagne created a shiny trailed all the way down to her torso, down to their mounds. Making the sound of their snapping pelvis louder and sharper.

"You love getting messy baby." He remarked smugly, slapping her tight ass before resting the palm of his hand at the bottom of her spine while the fingertips of his other wrapped behind her neck. Pressing her closer to him as he started to aggressively meet her hips halfway. Fully taking over.

"Ah—I do. I do, Ben." Diana moaned lewdly, watching him with glowing eyes. Stroking the hair near his ears. Her head swimming.

"I'm going to pound this pussy hard until the sun rise." He hungrily declared. His breathing became terrifyingly labored as he pistons his hip. Rocking her fast, slaughtering and bruising her cervix. Listening to her wet pussy as he pound home.

The only thing more amazing than pussy is her face.

They were sweating and heaving like animals in heat. Getting drowned with the intense euphoria. High as a kite from the satisfaction of being able to cradle each other. The air around them is getting stuffy, the windows behind them were getting moist from their panting.

He felt it. The part that makes her walls clench around him more that made his jaw slack in drowning pleasure. And he hit again and again, fucking her earnestly. Desperate to feel her clenched around his cock again.

They were loud. So loud. Her wetness of her juice mixed with the champagne Ben pured were loudly slapping under their thighs, creating the most pornographic noise.

"You're so _big_." Diana shuddered as she stayed still while Ben violently bucked his hips. Tongue nibbling the shell of his ear as he screwed her into oblivion.

"All for you, Diana." He groaned in pleasure. Holding the back of her knees as they both lifted their bodies up. Lips humming and clashing together as they move away from the couch.

Ben plopped her down at the edge of their freshly made Ben, her back bouncing from the sharp impact. Arms making sure her legs are wrapped around him as his knees sank on the mattress.

He carried on, pounding Diana like a mad man, railing the quick sighs out of her while she held on to her damn life. 

"No one's going to take you away from me again." His voice strained in his throat. A warning and a promise exclusive for himself. The expensive bed creaked louder in illicit protest because of his savage relentless fucking.

"No one." She confirmed passionately, reaching for his head to press their sweaty foreheads together. "I'm all yours."

"I love you, Ben."

He made a guttural noise. Ben looked her straight in the eye to see something. She didn't say it at the spur of moment. Not purely out of lust like the words they used to say back then. Diana was obviously engulfed, but with how she said it to him with so much fervor and ingenuity, it riled him up the most.

Those words made his knees defenselessly weak, groaning as he hovered over her sweet champagne-covered body. Forearms caging the sides of her head 

" _Say that again_." He demanded, voice laced with so much desire. Viciously ramming in and out of her. He knew she's close. And after what she said, he is too.

Obediently, Diana said it again with the utmost rapture. "I love you." 

Ben kissed her desperately like his life depended on it. Like he would die if he didn't do it right away. It was the kiss. The one that told him that he feels the same way as well. Toe-curling and spine shuddering. Shakespearean. A love so consuming that it's eating them both alive.

He completely put his weight down over her, letting out a lewd guttural noise right after he heard her saying it again. Crushing her as they both shuddred and trembled furiously The heart-stopping orgasm ripping the both of them.

It was so intense that Diana screamed his name at the top of her lungs. She didn't hold back. She didn't bite down her lips, not stopping herself to say how she truly yearns for him this time.

She was eternally thankful that she moved out of her apartment. Because that scream she just made would shake not just the room, but the whole apartment.

He stuttered, cock still buried between her swollen lips, twitching as her pussy milked his cum out of him. Teetering into the pool unconsciousness, Diana winced at the hot cum dripping down out of her. Ben filled her up so much that it leaked out on her; down to her ass then to the sheets, stained by their satisfied depravity. 

And she had a feeling those drips of cum and arousal wasn't going to be the last for tonight.

She was smiling blissfully when Ben pulled out, cradling her limp body between his arms as they both listened to their wild palpitating heartbeats calm down. 

He exhaled slowly against her hair. Lips and nose still littering her with affection. His fingertips moving up and down on the skin of her arm, also smiling. Because this time, Ben realized that he truly won. 

A mortal can have everything all at once. 

"I love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i owe you all a big apology :(((
> 
> this update was supposed to be up 5 days ago. but i was in my head so much about the court scene that it lagged the plot of the story. i wrote so different "scenes" on that act that i become too overwhelmed. im so sorry.
> 
> as an exchange for the waiting here is another [edit](https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSVfyyUD/) i made for inspo. i uploaded it on my secret account bc tiktok keep removing it
> 
> i feel so guilty not updating on my usual interval. ill try my best not to be this late again. i hope you enjoyed it! 💖💖


	45. A New Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: a slight dub-con after the first page break but it's all part of their ~roleplay~ so it's fully consensual.

**Chapter 45: A New Hope**

The room smelled like filthy, passionate, hot sex and champagne. 

Ben had her in any possible position both of them could ever manage. And every single one of those positions, he had made her cum, he made sure of it. In one time, they slowly slid off at the edge of the bed because of the intensity of his thrusting as he fucked her from behind while Diana kept her face buried in the undoubtedly ruined zillion-thread count Egyptian sheets with her ass up in the air. Red and raw from the constant slapping and handful-grabbings.

He was everywhere; smothered by the entirety of him and she loved every inch of it. Life had kept them apart for so long that Ben thought it was necessary to catch up in just one night.

Diana wholeheartedly agreed to that.

Her exhausted body had been smeared with everything- cum, champagne, spit, even a dollop of tiramisu she had made earlier that day for their supposed to be dinner. All messily licked clean by Ben.

Ben was an adventurous and versatile man for not using one thing to get the job done again and again. He wanders, like he was competing with himself to coax out the trembling whimpers and breathy moans of his name that she makes when the orgasm viciously rips through her.

In simplest terms, Ben fucked her brains out.

She smiles dreamily every time she rides out the earth shattering orgasm he gives to her, while he quietly chuckles. It wasn't loveless. Diana felt the deeper meaning of his fervent touches- constantly tugging her hair when her back is facing his chest to make her look at him. Keeningly observing with tense jaw how her face scrunched in blown out euphoria, obviously out of it when he saw how her eyes rolled at the back of her head. Feeling how her pussy drip and clench around him more as he whispers sinfully obscene promises and words on her ear. 

Despite how dirty and messy it was, Ben always wanted to see a glimpse of her face. Reaching out to grab her chin and face to deeply kiss her.

It always wasn't fast and brutal. They also went on soft and slow, caught up in the pleasure with quiet breathy moans as Ben hover over her naked body, chest pressed to her. Elbows propped on both sides of her head, hands caressing hair while she holds onto his arms. It was the position they were too cautious about when they were just starting. Too close. Too personal and intimate. 

Too sensual from their original plan.

  
  


But now, it seemed like they didn't want to let go, whispering sweet nothings at each other. Melting into each other's hold. Bodies attuned and harmonious. They were satisfying their insatiable hunger and craving. Frantically filling up the immense gap they have created between the time they were far away from each other. They felt closer than ever. 

Their legs were tangled, the duvet was crumpled below their ankles. The half of it was messily draped from the side of the bed, pooled on the carpet below together with their pillows that fell down from all the sharp and vigor poundings she took. 

Her head was resting on his chest, listening to the calm and steady beats of his heart. His arms caged her, his wide and overtly-masculine body was radiating with warmth and affection. Making her feel like nothing will ever hurt her when she's with him.

His lips were pressed to her forehead. The tip of his nose grazed her hairline. Quietly admiring the rays of sunshine as it started to peek out, slowly adding a splash of bright color in the grayish blue sky of yesterday’s night. Watching the patch of the soft morning light crawl below the carpet, gradually making its way to the end of their bed.

Something changed and they both noticed it. It felt like a subtle tingle. A breath of fresh air. As they both lay down sated, contented sighs and peaceful exhales leaving their lips, Diana kept her eyes open for. Both of them awake as the new day begins right in front of them. They stayed like that for hours. Not moving. And if they did, only to keep their hold tighter.

"What time is it?" Diana blinked confusedly. The sun is full up now. Her voice came out in a scratchy squeak that terrified herself. 

His fingers stopped from tracing an incoherent and endless map on her arms, his torso moved a little to check the time. "It's half past 7." Ben mumbled before going back as he were.

"We didn't sleep?" Diana asked again, sounding astonished. After all the unspeakable things they did last night that were potent enough to send a person snoring for maybe even a day or two, they are currently awake and talking to each other.

"Close your eyes." Ben said in a gentle hushed voice, coaxing her to get some rest. 

Diana groaned, the covers letting out a weighted crumpled sound as she stirred. "Can't, cake tasting at 9. If I want to walk today I need at least one hour to soak in the tub." she mumbled, wiggling deeper into his chest. 

Ben amusedly laughed at her silent complaint. "Then stay." he persuaded. Whispering as he ducked down to plant a kiss on the tip of her shoulder. His soft, disarrayed hair tickling her neck.

"Let Hux go with his bride on that appointment. They're the ones who are going to eat it anyway. A groom's responsibility and all that." Ben muttered nonsensically, obviously giving her a string of excuses to keep the bed warm. Peppering kisses between words on the parts that makes Diana dreamily sigh and shift.

"A groom's responsibility huh?" she echoed his choice of words with playfulness. Grinning widely as Ben kept snuggling her more.

"Mmhmm." he lazily hummed as he deeply inhaled against her skin. Sounding straight-up distracted as he kept sliding his palm back and forth across her stomach. Always exploring.

His lips traveled up again, nibbling her earlobe. "Stay here with me." Ben said once more. The tinge of desperation is becoming more evident in his voice, enticing her more to not pull away and start the day with him.

That second request of his made Diana shudder, eyes fluttering close as she fought the urge to roll her eyes back in sensual satisfaction. Ben didn't need to say it again to convince her, but she's glad he did. Because that singular reason to be with him is enough for her to stay.

"If I'm going to play hooky I should at least give Rose a call to tell her I can't come with her." Diana meekly reasoned out. “After that peonies and birds of lily of the valleys situations she just had, the last thing she needs to be is the maid of honor who dips.”

His fingers caught her chin, turning her head slightly to meet her eyes so he could get the message across. "I already told Hux yesterday you wouldn't make it today. I'm pretty sure Rose already that you couldn't make it by now."

Diana blinked, lips curling into a bewildered smile. "You told them already?" she asked, totally enthused.

"Of course I did." His nose sweetly nudging on her chin and jaw. His plush lips ghosting over her tender skin. "Told some bullshit excuse to get him out of my hair."

That excuse Ben threw over the booth yesterday was certified bullshit that Armie clocked it the second it left his mouth and he wasn't a bit sorry about that.

_"We're going on a trip." He gruffed, Adam's apple bobbing up then down as he gulped down a good swig of his beer._

_Psh, yeah right. Like Ben was going to sacrifice another hour or two to look at the road or hold a steering wheel before he could touch and devour her. He had been really patient for so long. It was a miracle that he managed to sit down in the pub and talk a little and not floor his car to go home._

_"A trip. Sure." Armie snickered, side-glancing Phasma beside him who was still settling into the new lovestruck personality of Ben Solo. "To where? Poundtown?"_

_Ben threw the future groom a pointed glare. But he didn't say anything to deny it._

Diana hummed with content, making herself comfortable again as she put her head on his chest. "What do you want to do today then?"

"You." He simply answered. Ben sounded so surprised that she even had to ask that. The pad of his fingertips sliding up and down to trace her spine, feeling her skin shudder a bit. "Eat you out later while you eat breakfast, fuck you in the tub later, then fuck you here on the bed again." He carried on, candidly enumerating the things he wanted to do to her today. 

"Wow, you made a wedding cake-tasting lame with your list. That's a talent Ben." She teased, giggling as she smoothly rubbed the side of her foot to his shin.

With how his fingertips stopped moving on her back, it was certain that a thought touched down inside his head. When Ben didn't give her the smallest signal that he heard her, Diana craned her neck up to check if he fell asleep. But no, Ben looked much more awake than he was a few minutes ago. Like he downed three shots of espresso when she wasn't looking.

A word in her last sentence jolted him alert, and it wasn't “cake”... It was the word before that.

Hw was staring at her so deep that Diana was sure that he could vividly see her soul. He was swimming in her eyes. Unwavering, as if he's trying to find something in her before speaking and it seemed like it didn't take him long to find it. Because before she could ask him what's up, Ben beat her to it.

"Do you want to get married someday?"Then a pause. A test in the waters. "Theoretically speaking." 

His followed up sentence was just a sprinkle to soften the blow. Ben was aware that he was walking on thin ice with that question he threw out in the open. But he couldn't control himself, his inhibitions were face down on the ground. He didn't know if it was the champagne that made him drunk or just her mere presence. Maybe it was just her _presence_. Champagne never made him pissed out drunk before.

She just intriguingly raised her brow. "Hmm 'theoretically speaking'? Give me a _theoretical_ guy that I will _theoretically_ marry so I can give you a _theoretical_ answer. I just can't go off marrying some guy I don't know. It's not the 18th century."

"How about me?" Ben spoke too fast. He didn't beat around the bush. He was serious. No "theory" or “what if” in his words. "Do you want to be married to me?"

Diana let out a quiet huff of surprise when she realized that he wasn't joking out. He was dead serious about it. Blush crept on her cheeks, tugging her bottom lip with her teeth to bite back her growing smile. They were both naked under the ruined covers, her hair was a mess. Breath not the freshest and yet Ben was asking her if she wants to be with him for the rest of his life.

"I'd love to be married to you."

His heart stuttered, almost making him choke. He didn't expect her to say that. To be honest, he wasn't expecting Diana to give him an answer. He was just looking for a sign. A subtle tell that she was leaning on the positive side, to see that they are looking at the same destination. But no, she didn't give him a vague, ambiguous, open-ended answer. She said it without a doubt. A _yes_.

"Ben, were you..." she began, narrowing her eyes in confusion when Ben fell completely silent. It looked like he just shut down and she's not sure on how to recognize what just happened. "Did you just..."

A deep chuckle rumbled inside his chest. Diana looked so adorable with bewilderment painted all over her face. It hurts him, almost. Pains him that everytime he sees her face light up. It's like there's a fist inside his chest that's gripping his heart every time she smiles at him. Or even if she just looks at his direction, there's still a squeeze that tugs his heart.

He's a doctor, an excellent one and he's supposed to know better. But when the contractions first started, Ben thought that he actually was dying. And even though they're together now, it didn't go away. In fact, he was sure that it got more prominent; the default fast of his heart when he's with her. Now, Ben couldn't live without those tugs and squeezes.

"The last time I pulled out a ring in front of you, you almost took off." That earned a slight shove from her. Ben pulled out her left hand, thumb ghosting over her ring finger for a split second before fully intertwining her fingers with his. "And I didn't get down on one knee. So next time I do it, I'll make sure to do it right."

He could do it right now. But Ben still has plans to put into action. And if he is going to ask her, he would do it in the traditional way or else his mother would whack the top of his head. And height wouldn't be an obstacle for Leia. It never has been. Even Han would vouch for that. And even without Leia's advice, Ben has already that in mind. He's got one chance to do it properly, and he wanted it to be worth the wait.

An old-fashioned romantic.

"You're going to be stuck with me." She jokingly warned him. 

"That's the goal." He answered right away.

For three seconds, Ben paused. Then,

"Diana, I'm going to ask you to marry me someday." 

"I..." She was too stunned to respond. He sounded so assured. So convinced like he's sending a message to every living and non-living thing that no one’s going to stop him. 

She said the word. And with that, nothing would ever stop him now.

It was a bragging accomplishment that she didn't melt into a puddle. She could feel her cheeks and skin heat up. He was really planning for it. Laying out the beginning of his future with her being in the center of it. All she can do right now is beam like an idiot. "I really don't know what to say, Ben."

"You don't have to say anything now." He said. Voice low to match the slow rise of the morning. She doesn't have to add more. What she gave to him was more than enough. Ben's just letting her know.

* * *

"I can drive you to the airport if you want." Ben suggested. His piercing eyes followed Diana as she walked back and forth.

_Keys, check. Wallet, here_. Diana mentally listed all the most important things she needed to carry. Walking left and right with only her right shoe on. Her height raising then dipping with her every step. "I'll be alright. Finn and I just have to run for extra things before picking up Paige in the airport. Don't you have any last-minute stag night things to do?"

While she was busy getting ready, Ben was in deep thought. How can she look incredibly sexy and professional at the same time. "No, we're all set." He gulped, eyes intently following the hem on her very short dress almost giving him the hill of her ass if she crouched a tad bit. All her constant swaying and sauntering isn't helping him. She's going out without him, wearing that? Criminally unfair.

Her back was facing him as she shoved all her things in her purse that was sitting on the entryway table of their apartment. "Strippers and stretched-out limo all set out?" She chuckled, the sole of her left foot hovering over the floor.

"Hux wanted a stripper-free stag night." The groom wished for a "normal" party that made Ben's job way easier than he expected. Armie specifically crossed out the clichéd, messy Vegas bachelor party, the rowdy hoots and hollers in the private jet and limo and the absurd oversized champagne as he held the remote to set off the fountains of Bellagio with their own hands with the whole life of Vegas watch. Lord knows how they experienced the whole package when they were 21, and they are now old enough to make a decision not to do that again.

Billiards and poker, bottles of fine bourbon older than them, ridiculously expensive rare steaks to be prepared by the best chef in the state he hired for the whole night and a box of 1875 Romeo y Julieta cigars which took Ben almost a month and a half to finally get ahold of.

A normal party that is still competing with the expense of a Vegas party.

But he couldn’t say the same to others. Hux asked him if their old colleagues from the secret First Order society from Harvard could make it. And those guys were on another level of game, making last minute travel plans to buy a ticket that would fly them to the nearest European country.

"Well, I couldn't say the same to ours. Paige and Finn planned something as well that I didn't know of. So don't be surprised if you see some glitters and confetti all over my chest when I got home."

She didn't hear any sound of acknowledgement from Ben on what she had said until she felt the inherent heat radiating from his broad chest heat up her back. He leaned over, pushing aside her hair to expose her nape. "Cute dress." Ben hummed, his ginormous reflection appearing on the mirror above the table. Honeyed eyes raking her body up and down.

Diana smiled, her hand reaching behind her to stroke his hair. "I've got to make the most of the good weather today."

Ben let out a very deep breath. "I've got to make the most out of _you_ in this dress before you leave." he answered back, fingers tenderly touching the hem of her dress

Her eyes shot up, staring at their reflections at the mirror. "Ben," Diana said in a warning tone as she turned around to face him, grabbing his wrist to stop its advance. "I'm going to be late. Finn is already on his way." 

He let out a disappointed grunt, slightly pulling out his bottom lip. "Let Finn wait a little." Ben lowly coaxed, leaving a trail of kisses on her neck and jaw that made her sigh and giggle. The man was acting like he didn't wake her up by camping out between her legs this morning.

"I wanted to. But you know how grumpy he gets when people don't come on the arranged time." she explained, linking her hands behind his neck.

"Fine." He said deflatedly. His paw of hands never stopped roaming around. "This maid of honor job is stealing a good amount of time I'm supposed to be spending with you, you know that?" 

"I know. Maybe I'll give the best man my hotel key card on the wedding to let out some steam." She grinned, loving the protective and possessive squeeze of his arms around her. "You think that's a good idea?"

"Maybe." Ben smirked. "I was planning to have an alone time with the maid of honor as well. I don't want to come across as rude and leave a bad impression." He bent down, pressing a long and deep languid kiss against her lips, making sure that it will linger all day long. 

Mischief danced fiercely in his eyes as he pulled back, making it hard for Diana to peel herself off from his hold. "I have to go, okay? I'll see you tonight."

"I will see you tonight." Ben confirmed. Playing a piece of her hair painfully near to the exposed part of her cleavage. His eyes panned down all the way to the ground, head nodding a little as he spoke. "Don't forget your other shoe." 

"Oh." Her shoulders perked up at his reminder. She turned around once again, bending over at her waist to put on the other pair of her heels before finally heading out.

Before she could even put it on, Diana realized that she had herself in a compromising position. Presenting her ass right in front of his crotch was the hammer that completely shattered their thin, faux illusion of holding back.

_Oh._

The table let out a solid thud against the wall. Behind her, Ben drew in a sharp breath. It drew out an automatic response from him, how his hands quickly made its way to her hips to hold her down, pressing himself to her. 

"Ben." She tried, with little to no effort, to squirm away from his hold. But she memorized the notes and melodies of this dance. Once he gets her cornered, there's no way he's budging.

His deep breaths hitting her nape became hotter. "You're deliberately making this hard for me, Diana." He murmured, rubbing his clothed erection on her ass perched up in the air to send his message across.

A shy, quiet chuckle left her lips. "I didn't mean to." Diana meekly defended. And with the way she sounded, she didn't even convince herself at her own words. 

Cross her heart, she really didn't. Or maybe deep down in her subconsciousness, she did mean it. Diana doesn't have a concrete answer to that. Because with Ben, the answer is always a solid _yes_. The feeling of constant giddiness and contentment when she's with him already latched to her system. Her body is fully independent to that never-ending buzz Ben is giving to her now. 

She needs him as much as he does. And a playful, consensual light coercion didn't hurt anybody. As a matter of fact, the thought of them doing it in a very inappropriate time and place just fuels them more.

Old habits die hard.

He amusely huffed at her lame defense. "Just stay like this for a while." His voice was so soft and gentle that it enticed her to do what he told her to do. With a little force, his knee nudged her legs apart. The pointed heel of her shoe planted on the floor scraped slightly in action. His other hand started to move to her torso, unabashedly pawing her tits over her dress that made her shiver. Provocatively feeling her up. 

"We can't," she breathily whispered. Gasping sharply at his unapologetic touches. He's firmly squeezing now. That's what she was saying. But her actions were doing otherwise; rubbing and pushing her hips further to him. It's too isolated and too eager to be translated as an act of her wiggling away from him. 

"I know. We really shouldn't. Too many things to be done today. Can't be late." But his hand didn't stop moving around. It's just there, glued to her. Rubbing and rubbing, riling her up.

Diana could hear the faux despondency and disappointed in his voice. The sad pout and sad eyes staring her back at the mirror.

"So many things," She acquiesced, feebly echoing his words.

Ben fully lifted up her dress now. Fingers trailing up, up and up to the apex of her thighs until he reached her panties. It made him shamelessly groan against her ear, knowing that Diana didn't opt for lace today. It was an innocent pair, and yet it made his hard-on move in excitement. 

"How about I just touch you here and that's it? Just for a second, then we can go." He calmly asked, the length of his fingers rubbing her over her seamless cotton pair of panties.

Just for a second. Diana tugged her lip to bite back the whimper threatening to come out of her. She didn't pull his wrist away from her. Now she got a taste of what Ben is suggesting, it's hard to decline.

He smiled, taking her silence as a go signal. Deliciously pressing down the warm pad of his fingers in an excruciatingly slow circling motion over the shell and lining of her underwear, not bothering to stop until he feels her damp and moist. 

His extremely precise and calculated motions elicited a shaky sigh from her. He's very good at it, all the teasing and the goading. Giving enough to make her feel good but not enough to get her by, unless she asks for more. Diana can't even convince herself to look at in the mirror. Too afraid that once she saw the reflection of her flustered face savoring it, she'll fully give in to it.

"There. Does that feel good?" Ben seeked, watching her intently. Undisputably aroused on her fervid expression. 

He's getting off of her sight.

"It does." She clutched on his strong forearm wrap across her chest. His other hand, which didn't want to stay put, was busy groping her tits casually. Heightening the titillating sensation she was currently experiencing.

Ben kept his word. At least for a while. He stayed above the fabric, palm cupping her core. He's lingering around to that very part where the feeling is the most intense and satisfying. 

Then,his fingers ceased on moving. But was still there, covering her entire clothed sex. A more painful feeling than completely peeling it off away from her. 

"Time to go," he murmured, giving her pussy firm spanks that sent a jolting electricity right where exactly she wants it, making her jump a little. 

Diana could hear the devilish grin in his voice. She lifted her eyelids, her sight bleary for a moment as she settled. "Ye-Yeah," she gulped, concealing heraching disappointment.

"Yeah? We don't want the maid of honor to be late on her errands for today." His teeth lightly nipped her earlobe. His tone was so considerate. So understanding. But somewhere between his words, hidden in plain sight was an adversarial taunt.

She inclined, feeling light headed from all the rubbing and hot whispering. Or at least she thought her limp nod did the job. Diana quietly gritted her teeth in frustration, encouraging herself to mellow out and slow the pace of her breathing. The absence of the warmth of his touch was painful on her pussy. It ached her, much so that it made her silently hiss. 

As much as he tried before, Ben isn't the edging and denial type. He was just as sexually frustrated as she is when she can't cum. He's on the generous side. The type that considers multiple orgasms a 'punishment'. He gets off on her sight getting off. Ben Solo has always been a visual. Most of the time, he likes to take a minute and look at her like he's observing a valuable painting in a museum.

"Might as well finish what I started," he pondered. Planting a chaste kiss on her right temple before pushing her foot apart to widen her stance. His fingers slithered down, taut against the fabric of her soft cotton panties. Her unabashed wetness down there easily covering him. 

"You’re gushing," Ben remarked, like a victor as he smeared her own slick on her folds. As if to remind her how wet he's really making her. "You can't leave the house without getting to cum, can you?"

How could he keep a casual conversation like that while he gropes and rubs her? How does Ben keep his composure, while Diana couldn't even form a single coherent thought in her mind?

"This tight little dress," his breathing hitched from stopping a throaty groan. Now isolating the tight circling motions on her swollen nub. "All eyes are on going to be on these perfect tits and tight ass for sure. I wouldn't blame those fuckers. You're so goddamn irresistible."

Diana threw her head back against his shoulder, wrapping her arm at the back of his neck to steady herself. Short and quick breaths leaving her parted lips. She can't talk. Not right now. Not when Ben works her up works her up perfectly to the point that she could see her eyes in the reflection rolling back in immense pleasure.

"All they could do is stare like a bunch of sick perverts in the corner." He inhaled a sharp snarl through his nose. It sounded like his own words created an unpleasant image that antagonized him. 

Aside from their demanding shifts at the hospital and their equally heavy responsibilities in the upcoming wedding, they really didn't spend as much time together before. And it made Ben restless, not seeing her in his view even though they were in the same place, just different wings of Alderaan. So maybe it did make him envious when some strangers would have the opportunity to see her pretty and dolled up face happy and dancing.

"They wouldn't," she answered in mild arrogance. Not having the appropriate strength and mindset to argue with his statement. Not when his fingers are perfectly playing with her wet pussy like that. 

Ben sputtered a chuckle at her somewhat arrogant judgement. "Do you want to know a little secret? Walking behind you during our morning briefings always have been perfect for me." His hand slid down, kneading a handful of her ass before spanking it to show her what he was talking about.

"Oh god." The drop of his tone and quick slap made Diana gasp in exhilaration. "Really?" The keenness wasn't hard to miss. Not only did Ben hear it, he felt it as well.

It frustrated and confused him, how his mortal "adversary" was also the one making him all hot and bothered in their working environment. Like everything, it began a quick steal of glances until Ben got addicted and bolder. His eyes started to thoroughly travel to the places that made his breath hitch. 

"Really. You've got me up all night thinking how fucking angelic you must look under those basic scrubs we have if you already look pretty wearing them." Ben was watching her in the mirror to see how Diana was taking all of this. And with how she dazely rolls her eyes at his words, he could confirm that she was taking it really well. "Had to fuck my fist raw almost after every time you were done sniping at me just so I could have a clear mind. That's much much power you have over me."

Everything about what they were doing was more than enough to make her whimper: the pseudo-illicit hooking up between the best man and the maid of honor, the clothed touching and overt groping while they were both got somewhere to be. Diana was washed with the satisfying drowning white-hot sensation from head to toe as she squinted her eyes shut. Her trembling, going-limp body leaning on Ben's wide and sturdy chest as she took quick and shallow inhales and exhales. 

Her ruined panties snapped back into place as Ben slowly removed his hand from her crotch to raise it until it reached their eye-level. He titled it from left and right, fingers spread

fingers apart with her heady slick stretching apart like transparent lewd ribbons. 

He pinched her chin, lifting her limp head to meet her eyes in the reflection in front of them. To make her watch how he savagely cleaned his fingers like he just ate a course at a 5-star restaurant that he had to lick the remnants left on his hand. 

"Please." The wet slurps and insatiable moans coming from his mouth went straight from her core which was still throbbing from the aftermath of Ben's indulgence. Now that Ben just made her cum, any rational thought in her mind started fleeting. And she wouldn't think straight until she got railed 'til Sunday. "Please, Ben. I want it." 

A brutish groan vibrated in his chest. There was no way that they were going to leave the house without him getting inside of her. "You do, don't you? You like to get fucked good in our little black dress before we meet our friends?" He pressed the back of her neck to bend her over until her elbows touched the surface of the table before aggressively yanking down her panties until the fabric rolled to the apex of her thighs, just below to the swell of her butt.

"I do. I want you inside of me." she whispered. Feeling the table pressed to her cheek fog as she nodded again and again. She arched her back, giving Ben a full and exclusive view of her plump ass. 

"Fucking wordclass." Ben sharply sucked air between his gritted teeth, almost choking on the savage sound he just made when he saw the perfect hill of her butt just a few inches on the straining tent of his trousers. "Spread your cheeks for me baby, I want to have a good view of what's mine."

Diana drew out a breathy desperate whine while she gladly obliged, giving him an exclusive view of what he owns, he likes to ask her every now and then to make sure. When he saw how much her pussy drools for him, the Pavlovian response kicked him so hard that he started to feel the inside of his mouth water as well. 

To fully send his mind into overdrive, Diana made the wise decision to look over her shoulder panting, subtly wiggling left and right. Giving Ben the most pleading look. The one with a perfect mixture of animalistic lust and innocence. The one that makes Ben bite his knuckles hard whenever that picture crosses his mind.

"Make them know I'm yours, Ben." 

He could die. Despite his sexed, doped-up brain, he easily diagnosed himself. He would drop dead in a matter of seconds if he didn't feel her sweet cunt gripping the sides of his dick soon. He pulled out his cock from the opened fly of his pants, not bothering to loosen up his belt and unbutton it first. 

He was right about being knocked dead, or in zero exaggeration, passed out. All of his blood rushed to his cock, making it all red and angry and throbbing. Overwhelmingly bigger and heavy.

Diana wanted to take a peek, but Ben cupped her chin and jerked it forcefully to look straight ahead. To see how really filthy they can really get. They are their own audience and they couldn't help to show off a little.

In a one, long deep thrust, Ben was completely bottom out. Up to the hilt and deep in her guts. He didn't give his aching cock a pump or two before sliding home for some pre-game. He didn't want that, he wanted her tight pussy to do the jerking off. And when he felt the first squeeze, Ben genuinely thought that he saw a preview of what heaven really looked like.

It was a huge fucking relief that they both gasp. Diana felt so disarmingly good that Ben completely covered her back, shoulders easily confining her figure as half of their bodies now folded over the furniture.

They were both so caught up with each other that their ragged and fast moans freely spilled out along with other filthy things and genuine promises. The sturdy table started to rattled like its ground where it was standing on was the epicenter of an earthquake

Diana was pulled closed to him, his arms holding her firmly across her chest like he was afraid she was going to leave. Like she would really leave. The party can wait for a few minutes. Besides, she was quite early anyways. For months, she made sure that the bachelorette's party would go smoothly. And as a reward for all of her hardwork, the best man is now currently balls deep in her, furiously fucking her raw from behind.

"I must have been a saint in my afterlife, because of how I get to do this to the prettiest girl in the world." Ben said on her hair, his rich deep voice sounded choppy. Like he's out of breath and choking. 

The thin strap of her dress had slid on her shoulder as she squirmed and writhed with her back on his chest, rubbing her scent all over him. His rhythm solid and utterly heaven-like that her shoeless foot was almost going en pointe, toes hovering on the floor.

"And how I was the one who got to pop the cherry of that cute asshole of yours. Fuck, I must have done some pretty selfless stuff." Ben was so into it that he was forgetting that he is a doctor, and what he was theorizing about was in the Hippocratic oath that he pledged.

That reminder made Diana whine. She could hear and feel herself, own wetness obscenely amplifying the sharp slap of his unforgiving thrusts that she could practically feel her slick dribbling down, probably messing up his patent leather dress shoes.

It happened a week ago and the sting was still lingering. The blunt feeling of his thick tip splitting her open as she let out a soundless scream while clutching Ben's wrist. She was supposed to be looking at two different colors of table napkins. Rose was having a difficult time to choose between eggshell and cream, she needed another set of ears. 

They had to go so fucking slow. Little by little, inch by inch just to take a small part of him. In the slightest move, Diana felt like she was going to break. But the weird thing was, she shook her head no every time Ben asked her if she wanted him to stop. It was a sweet, addictive type of sting. The one that leaves her empty and wanting for more whenever he stops.

Bottle of lube and a condom later, Diana couldn't even tell apart the difference between the two colors that Ben had to tell him in the end that she should go with cream. It would be neutral and less distracting with the centerpiece they chose.

Rose went with the cream one. She said it was the right choice.

The thought of his cock not fitting quite yet in her other whole made her clench hard. Sucking him further inside her, claiming what's hers. She has been dying to feel that arousing stretch again.

"Fuck, you want that, don't you? Forcing my dick to your tiny hole?" Ben jerked his head up to the ceiling with his teeth bared, heaving a much needed deep breath because it felt like Diana stole it from him.

"Mmhmm." Diana is lost for words. Scared that if she tried to say a few words she might pass out from the lack of oxygen. She could feel her lower tummy getting tingly, her inner thighs started to spasm. 

She carries the skepticism of a doctor about the concept of virginity and how it was ridiculously glorified. She just didn't want former cheap-flings to go back there because it teeters to the committed side of the coin. She didn't trust any of them.

But with how Ben acted while he was "taking" it and how "he was the only one who got to experience it", she noticed that temporarily empty pussy was drooling with his words. Now that he gave him the taste of that perfect mixture of euphoric taste of sweetness and wincing pain, she couldn't help to ask for more. 

"Come on baby, talk to me. You want it? You can't even take the tip without being a sobbing mess." he said, with a smug smirk and puffed chest like he decided he's going to deprive her of it.

"I do, oh god I do. I can take it," she promised with a whine and a pout as if he's trying to impress him. 

With how she looks at him with her flushed pretty face with her hair being a telltale sign that she's currently being railed hard, Ben had to bite down hard that his teeth almost turned into dust. 

"Then just enjoy yourself later, but not too much that you can't stand anymore. Maybe we can try it tonight, get you close on taking it halfway this time." His fingers slid down, attacking once again her still tender and raw clit, giving her yet another mind-blowing orgasm.

The mirror rattled, its frame shaking against the wall as they both reached that sweet high. So intense that it sent them both forward, his limp weight almost crashing Diana. The white-hot pleasure almost blinded them for a few seconds that Ben wrapped his arms around her whole body and arms to cover, concerned that his ferocity would truly shatter the mirror and hurt her.

Dripping cum coming out of her was caught by her panties below and Ben couldn't help to finger some of it back into her before pulling it up to her hips. "Try to keep it in for me so you can remember me. And when they see some of it dripping down your legs, they would have a clear idea that you already belong to someone else." He pulled down her dress, smoothing some the crease out before crouching down to strap on her other shoe.

"I will," she smiled, fixing the crooked collar of his shirt.

His wrist held down the end of her leg and from there he started to pepper her body trail of kisses that made Diana giggle until he reached her lips to seal it off. Ben couldn't help to chuckle on their kiss.

A pre-sex kiss is electrifying, a during-sex kiss is dizzying but an after-sex kiss... it's toe-curling one for Diana. And among the three, that is the one where Ben felt the most consumed. It feels different. Other than because they can feel and taste themselves on each other. It's ardently different. Maybe because even though the heat of the moment is now slowly dissipating together with their heartbeat, the level of their fervent feelings and devotions toward each other stays the same. Never fleeting.

It hits different.

"Want me to fix your hair?" Diana suggested, pointing out the mess she made out of his dark mane from the pulling and clutching. His unruly locks paired with his surprisingly still pressed solid dress shirt just made him even more handsome than ever.

He hardly glanced at the still mirror before answering. "It's okay, I like it." He does. Ben loves the feeling of her fingers through her hair. Especially when she tugs it.

The chime of Diana's phone but them a little more alert, reminding them about today. "It's Finn." Diana pinched her nose, trying to reduce to minimal her labored breathing.

She answered the phone with too much quipiness in her voice more than she intended to, sounding guilty. Diana couldn't mimic the nonchalantness in Ben's voice before when he was balls deep in her while maintaining a phone call with Armie.

"Good morning, you two," Finn greeted, he doesn't need a video call to know that Ben is within earshot. "I'm in the lobby with Poe. He said him and Ben are going together. You guys ready?"

Diana held her phone a little but farther from her, she must have been breathing so damn hard.

"Yeah, I'm right here. We're ready, we'll see you guys downstairs." Ben answered for her, grinning mischievously.

  
Before they ended the call, they heard Poe talking. "Told you we should wait here." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! i hope you are all doing well. i had the draft of this chapter done for months but i just don't know how to finish it. even after a few months im still invested in this story, i'll never abandon my first story. we still have a few more chapters to go, i just had a quick break.
> 
> i hope you enjoyed this chapter, thank you for stopping by! ❣️❣️


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